Category Archives: half baked philosophy

Spare Me the Existential Post

Posted on October 20, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I don’t have much of a headache, and my back doesn’t feel too bad. Lame Post Friday ought to be a breeze.

Of course it’s not. You didn’t think it would be, did you? I wasn’t sure, myself. I thought it could go either way. Looks like it’s veering into Existential Writer’s Crisis. Nice.

Existential is one of those fancy words that people use to sound erudite that don’t really mean much. “Spare me the existential pose,” one character says to another in the movie Big Chill. He could just as well have said, “Spare me the pose,” or even, “Spare me” (I guess some people wish they had been spared the whole movie, although I like it).

Where was I? Ah yes, in crisis. Not much of one, really. My wrist is not on my forehead. It just looks as if I’m writing yet another post on Why I Can’t Write a Post.

And that was as much as I wrote at work today (on a break OF COURSE). I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering if some reader would post a condescending comment explaining to me the meaning of existential philosophy. I had my reply ready, “You sound very erudite.”

Still, as soon as you start thinking about the condescending things people might say to you, you tend to stop writing. At least many of us do (probably that condescending comment-poster does not have that problem) (you know who you are).

When I got home I looked up existential in not one but two dictionaries, to make sure it means what I think it means. I don’t believe in quoting the dictionary, so to give you the definition, I will quote a movie, The Ref, an awesome Christmas movie (although Steven categorizes it as Twisted Christmas). Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis are a married couple in therapy, which they seem to sorely need but which is not doing them much good. I may be paraphrasing:

Kevin Spacey: In the meantime, she never finishes anything she starts. Photography classes. Cooking classes. Existential philosophy courses.

Judy Davis: At least I go after my dreams!

Kevin Spacey: Do do what? To take pictures of Lutefisk to prove the nothingness of being?

Why can’t I write shit like that? (That’s from another movie: In Soapdish, writer Whoopi Goldberg says it when real life drama intrudes on the set.) Just when I thought my sidetrack into the meaning of existential was going to derail my crisis.

But, crisis or not, I see I am over 400 words, or if you don’t count my movie quotes, over 300 words. That’s a respectable Lame Post (as respectable as they get). Happy Friday, everyone!

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Lame Is As Lame Does

Posted on September 15, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had started to write this week’s Friday Lame Post, heavy on the half-baked philosophy and full of literary erudition (well, full of something), all about “Ode to a Grecian Urn,” but I feel philosophically unable to finish it today. Perhaps another Friday. Or it may do for a Middle-aged Musings Monday. That is for the future.

I seem to remember having kind of an existential crisis trying to write this week’s Monday Musings. It was supposed to be easy and it was not. Likewise with Lame Post Friday. I’m supposed to sit here rattling off a few random observations and some half-baked philosophy, then get on with my weekend. I can’t have two existential crises in one week. At least, I suppose I can, but I can’t very well blog about them both. So please, dear reader, ignore this paragraph, continue reading and pretend I am having an easy time of it.

Actually, as I type, I begin to think, “I can rock this.” And there is some writerly half-baked philosophy: Once you start putting words down, it is really not so difficult as it seemed when you were staring at the blank screen (or page, as the case may be). That is scarcely an original thing to say, but bear with me. I may come up with something better.

I randomly observed the most adorable little dog sticking his head out of the window of a car in front of me as I drove home today. I hoped he would not get excited and jump out, but if he did, I was prepared to throw on my emergency flashers, put the truck in park and run to the rescue. Then I saw he was sitting on a little boy’s lap, so I figured the kid would keep track of him. Good thing. That little dog could have outrun me with no problem. I probably would have been no help at all and just antagonized the motorists behind me.

I got pretty antagonized myself as I hit every light red, sitting through a couple of them twice because there was so much traffic. The other day I gave a co-worker a ride, hit most of the lights green, and observed to her how some days hitting the lights red bothers you more than others. Today it bothered me and then some. It would be nice if I could come up with some half-baked philosophy about this, wouldn’t it? Something to put it in perspective, maybe keep myself from getting so agitated next time. I’m thinking, but nothing’s coming. I guess I’ll fall back on my stand-by philosophy, “You’ll have that.”

I spent a good portion of my time at work trying to think of a lame headline. I don’t think that is a particularly good one, but it will have to do. I’m over 400 words now, so I think I can start my weekend. I’ll try to have some Mohawk Valley adventures to share, and maybe next week we can talk about “Ode to a Grecian Urn.”

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Ask Me No Questions, I’ll Tell You No Lame

Posted on September 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Why does writing for Lame Post Friday become increasingly difficult?

Actually, I think I’ve just incorporated the two elements of Lame Post Friday: Random Observation: it becomes increasingly difficult to write Friday Lame Posts. Half-Baked Philosophy: Why?

And that’s pretty much as far as I can go with that.

Here’s another random observation, though: it often threatens rain long before it actually rains. Which raises the half-baked philosophical question: What exactly is the “it” referred to in the previous sentence?

Random observation number three: I have now asked two half-baked philosophical questions but made no attempt to answer either one. Related philosophical question: Why not? Related observation: Philosophy often raises questions which it does not intend to answer.

This is becoming an increasingly silly post (random observation number five!). Is that a problem? (philosophical question four; if this was a game, random observations would be ahead)

I do have some Mohawk Valley adventures planned for the weekend. I’m having a personal adventure now, but I think it would be really lame to recount how I’m dying my hair. Wait a minute…

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But I Like to Write

Posted on September 1, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not write my blog post while at work today. I worked on my novel. There, I’ve said it.

I don’t like to talk about the fact that I’m writing a novel. I’ve started too many novels and not finished them. I used to talk about my novels all the time. It was a mistake. I usually got a disgusted look and “That’s been done.” The worst (although I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way) was a friend who said I needed a Kilgore Trout. Kilgore Trout, if you did not know, was a Kurt Vonnegut character. Trout was a novelist, and Vonnegut would describe the books he wrote. In other words, I am only a fictional novelist.

It’s true, I suppose. I’ve written pages and pages of novels but only ever finished one. And it wasn’t very good. I know a lot of crap gets published. I know because I read some of it. Some of it I start reading and can’t finish because it’s too crappy and, as noted, I’m not hung up on finishing things. However, the crappiest novel published has one advantage over all but one of mine: it is finished.

This is not what I meant to write about. I set out to do a common or garden Friday Lame Post (“common or garden” is one of my favorite descriptive phrases). In the interests of accuracy, I like to say whether I write my post at work or compose it at the keyboard. So I suppose it was in the interests of accuracy that I blurted out the reason why I hadn’t written the post at work.

I don’t know why I should suddenly feel all exposed to my readers, like I’ve let fall some shameful secret. In the first place, many of my readers are my friends and family, who must surely know I have not given up on my dream of writing novels. And I am willing to bet that most bloggers are closet novelists (which is not quite the same thing as a real estate novelist, as sung about by Billy Joel). I like to think most people write a blog because they LIKE TO WRITE.

Ooh, there’s a bit of half-baked philosophy; maybe I can segue back into Lame Post Friday from here. Bloggers like to write. I like to write. However, I have seen quotes from writers (I’m a big one for reading collections of notable quotes) to the effect of: I hate to write but love to have written. I think I may have talked about this before. How lame is that, to repeat myself? I AM segueing back into Lame Post Friday!

Random observation (just to make my Lame Post Friday complete): it is a full moon tonight, the second full moon of August. Some say that makes it a blue moon, but there was some discussion on Facebook that what really makes a blue moon is four in one season. Huh? I’m not about to Google it and join in the fight.

I am about 500 words into the post and I have not yet reiterated for anyone unfamiliar with the term that Lame Post Friday is my day for random observations and half-baked philosophy. It is my day to Post Dumb if I feel like it. Guess I felt like it in spades today. Happy Friday, everyone.

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A Day Lame and a Dollar Short

Posted on August 25, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I didn’t have Lame Post Friday, so that means I can make a lame post today and get away with it. I almost added, right? But I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. I can get away with this. Um, maybe I’m telling myself. But I digress (wait a minute, maybe that could be some half-baked philosophy, if I find myself short).

Full disclosure: I did not have to work today. The reason I didn’t have my usual Lame Post Friday is that I thought I was working Saturday, thus robbing Friday of its usual charm. But things changed halfway through the day. Then Friday got a lot more charming for me. Still, I had already written the post about Dirty Work at the Crossroads. Waste not, want not.

Tabby and I took a walk to the post office to mail a couple of post cards. I do love sending people post cards. One was of the Herkimer County Courthouse, located on the Historic Four Corners, which regular readers know Tabby loves to walk by. I’m sending a cousin in Norwich a series of post cards of the Four Corners. So far I’ve sent her the Historical Society and the Courthouse. I know I have one of the 1834 Jail, but I lack one of Herkimer Reformed Church. Perhaps I could go by the Historical Society later today and look for one. Might be good for Sunday’s blog post.

As we walked back home, incidentally heading up Main Street to go by the Historic Four Corners, I noticed (randomly observed) that Herkimer is repainting a lot of the crosswalks and such on the roads. I’m happy to see this. Of course, it’s only a small step towards getting cars to actually stop for pedestrians in crosswalks, but still, it’s a step in the right direction.

I thought about my blog post. I had meant to write about our walk to the post office (oh, I guess I did, in fact, write about it), but it seemed to me that nothing much was happening. I knew I could fall back on a lame post, since I had threatened to do that yesterday. I pondered some half-baked philosophy about the meaning of Friday, and did it have the same meaning when it had lost its usual meaning for half the day. For knowing the meaning of a lot of words, I often ponder the meaning of “things” without coming to any definite conclusions.

This is certainly a lame post. In my defense, I’m all hepped up about the Superhero Sprint later today. Will it be too hot for me? Will people point and laugh as I walk from my house to the starting point? Do I know where on Main Street the actual starting point is (I don’t; I thought I’d just walk up and down Main Street looking for other folks in capes)?

I guess that last paragraph can function as a preview of coming attractions. And this whole thing will have to function as today’s post. Happy Saturday, everyone.

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Two-Lame Highway

Posted on August 3, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Or is it Too Lame? You decide. Regular readers (hi, Mom!) know I have been struggling for blog topics this week. Of course I haven’t worried about Friday, because, you know, Lame Post Friday: Random Observations and Half-Baked Philosophy. Well, I intend to write my Friday post on Thursday (today), because I will be pressed for time on Friday. So I thought, I’ll just write a marathon lame post, type it all in, divide it in half and voila! Two posts for the price of one! Is that cheating? NO!!! This is my blog! I make up the rules (usually as I go along)!

That was a longish introduction to an admittedly lame post (random observation #1?). Speaking of introductions, here’s an oxymoron (my favorite kind of moron): the MC who introduces somebody “who needs no introduction.”

The other day when I was running, a car drove by me with a dog sitting on the driver’s lap. At least, I couldn’t see the driver. The dog could have been driving the car, which is not the same thing as the inmates running the asylum. It was a cute dog.

Whenever I write a running post I always think later, “I didn’t even say anything about…” or “I forgot to mention…” Then again, my running posts tend to run longer than my actual runs, so I suppose that is all right.

It is a well-known fact that if you think too much about what you are going to write, when you finally sit down to write, you will not be able to pen a single word. But I say if you don’t think enough about what you are going to write, you may not be able to write either. Or what you do write will be self-indulgent nonsense. Um, yeah, kind of like my lame posts. Where was I going with this?

On an unrelated side note: I may not be going away this weekend and if I do go away, my house will not be left unoccupied, unobserved, unguarded, unprotected. And even if it was, I have nothing worth stealing. So if any unscrupulous people troll blog posts looking for people who are going away in order to rob their houses, don’t bother. And if you don’t believe me and do bother, clean the place up while you’re there. You know, do the dishes, scrub the toilet. Maybe clean out the refrigerator. You can just throw away anything growing fur. Don’t forget to take the trash out. (Is that as good a deterrent as, “I’m home cleaning my guns and training my vicious guard dogs with my good friend the Chief of Police”?)

An observation related to the side note: people are often on Facebook “checking in” places. In other words, advertising they’re not home. My sister’s answering machine at one point said, “We’re not home; leave a message.” I gave her a stern talking to about security. My niece’s response (and for some reason I never suspected this niece of having such a fine sense of sarcasm) was to change the message to, “We’re not home and the door’s unlocked.” I think they have one of those generic ones that come with the machine now. I don’t call my sisters very often. Shall I go into some half-baked philosophy about appreciating family? I think not.

That reminds me of my favorite intellectual joke. The waiter asks Descartes if he’s ready to order. Descartes says, “I think not,” and vanishes in a puff of logic.

And on that note, I sign off, looking forward to Friday, which is sooner than you may think.

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Dithering on the Run

Posted on July 28, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had previously made a note to myself to don’t go five days without running. This being Lame Post Friday, I could go into some half-baked philosophy about setting high goals and not being up to ideals. Maybe later in the post.

I knew it would be a good idea to go running on Thursday after work, even though I had an Ilion Little Theatre Board Meeting (did I mention I’m their new secretary?) and several things to get done before that (note the use of “would be a good idea;” some of you may perhaps remember my half-baked philosophy about “should” and “ought to”). However, as my afternoon at work progressed, the heat and humidity increased. Oh dear. What have I learned about running when the weather is good, because we don’t know what tomorrow will bring? Many of us do not always act on lessons learned. I further philosophized half-bakedly that there really wasn’t that much difference between five days and six days, was there?

When I got home, I parked across the street, two doors down, since I had to leave again later. As I walked to the house, I thought, “This isn’t bad. I can rock this.” By the time I was suited up and out the door, the sun had come back out. As I started running, the humidity kicked back in.

Well, I didn’t have to go for a long run, and I didn’t have to go for a fast run, and I certainly did not have to attempt any hills. I shuffled along and lived with it. I’ve run in worse. Anyways, I told myself, it might be hot for the DARE 5K and the Superhero Sprint, both of which are in August.

A lady going into the bank said to me, “It’s too hot for that!”

“I know,” I answered. “But I didn’t run earlier in the week when it was cooler!”

As I continued down Main Street, I pondered my evening’s obligations. My library books were due. I had finished all but one. I had thought to return them on the way to my meeting, possibly renewing the one I hadn’t finished online (I’m slowly getting the hang of this online library thing). But would I leave the house in time? Maybe I should walk to the library with Tabby to return the books. I could be my cool down walk. Hmmm. Walking with four hardcover books. Tabby can’t go in the library anyways. I should drive. Was it too hot to take Tabby in the truck? What about my cool down walk? What time did the library close? As I ran by the library, I ran up to the door and looked. Five o’clock. If I put my books in the night depository after that time, wouldn’t that be like returning them a day late? I couldn’t risk it!

After the third or fourth calculation of “If I run for X minutes, then cool down, grab the books drive to the library, walk in all sweaty and gross…” I finally thought, “Stupid! Just renew all the books online. You don’t have to keep the ones you’ve read for two more weeks. You can return them at any time.”

I felt much better about everything after I had come to that decision. I made sure I got online and hit “renew” before 5 p.m., just to be on the safe side.

My run was not long, but I felt it was long enough to count. As I returned home I counted, “Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.” I hadn’t gone five days without running! I had only gone four! I was vindicated on all fronts, except, you know, doing the math.

Well, looking over what I have written, I believe this is a worthy addition to my Lame Friday Post collection. No random observations, but plenty of half-baked philosophy and with all my dithering about library books, I would say definitely lame. Happy Friday, everyone!

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It’s Still Friday After All

Posted on July 13, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s Friday and I’m doing a Lame Post and if anybody doesn’t like it, they just don’t have to read it.

I’ve been off for the past two weeks. One could argue that I’ve had plenty of time for Mohawk Valley adventures and no need to fall back on a Friday Lame Post. That person would further argue that since I have not been at work all week, this Friday must lack that glorious, soon-to-be-free-for-two-days feeling. I have to ask, why is this person arguing with me? Hasn’t he got anything better to do? I’m going to ignore him (or her as the case may be) and get on with the random observations and half-baked philosophies which I enjoy on Lame Post Friday.

The main observation I’ve made lately (and you can judge its random quality for yourself) is that everybody’s lawn is brown. I can’t remember the last time it rained, but I think it was in June. The humidity has been considerable, so I still feel ready to mildew, but the lawns have been drying the heck out.

My other observation is purely personal: I wilt in the heat. I get tired and lethargic. And if I try to do stuff anyways, I get irritable.

So much for random observations. How about some half-baked philosophy? No good. My brain is all the way baked. I can’t come up with anything.

I wrote the above as I sat on my deck in the shade and then my damn pen ran out of ink. In the middle of the next sentence! I hate it when that happens! It wasn’t that great of a sentence anyways. As you can see, this is once again degenerating into a post about why I can’t write a post.

We won’t go any further with that thought. And no further thoughts come to mind. Yes, it is pathetic. But if I hit “Publish” it is a post. At least it was short. Stay with me; I’ll try to do better tomorrow.

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Lame Before the Boilermaker

Posted on July 6, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’ve been off all week, so you wouldn’t think I would feel the need for a lame post Friday. I don’t know why you wouldn’t think that. How long have you known me? Then again, why do I flatter myself that anybody thinks about me at all?

Be that as it may, I’m sitting at my keyboard typing whatever comes to mind for today’s post. Later today I must head to Utica, NY, to Mohawk Valley Community College (MVCC) for the fabulous Boilermaker Expo, to pick up my runner’s packet for the Boilermaker 15K road race, which I am to run the day after tomorrow. Yikes! (That “Yikes” was for the Boilermaker, not the preceding potential run-on sentence, although I don’t think it is. If you do, diagram it and get back to me.)

I ran thirty minutes this morning and intend to run twenty minutes tomorrow. I took a short walk with my schnoodle, Tabby, and plan to take another this evening. I shall also take some walks tomorrow. And hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. I don’t know if my preparations and training have been sufficient, but we shall find out.

I must ask (stay tuned for some half-baked philosophy): sufficient for what? To improve my time from two years ago? But I have said many times, running the Boilermaker is not about the time but about the experience. To enjoy it more at the time? Perhaps, but I really do expect to enjoy it considerably at the time no matter what. Even if I feel completely ate up (as we used to say in the army), I shall be upheld by my determination to finish. And encouraged by the spectators and other runners, no doubt. To not feel completely awful afterwards? That is a worthy goal. Then again, there’s rest and Gator Ade. And my sister’s pool. I should be OK.

This morning’s OD (a publication which is also doing a version of All Boilermaker All The Time) had an article about how the middle of the pack is the place to be. I thought, “Great, that’s me.” As I read, however, I had to admit, that is not me. The middle of the pack clocked in at one hour, twenty-eight minutes (and some seconds). My last time was one hour, forty-six minutes (and some seconds). That’s a double digit difference (some of you are now saying, “I can do the math, Cindy). I am clearly in the latter half of the pack. Well, for an out of shape, middle aged woman such as myself, I don’t think that is a bad place to be (I guess that’s more half-baked philosophy).

To round out my Friday Lame Post, I will include a couple of random observations I made during this week’s runs.

On the sidewalk ahead of me I saw what looked like a red and white striped stick. Or was it red and white spray painted on the sidewalk? As I got closer, the stripes widened and resolved themselves into a chalk drawing of an American flag. I just love all the sidewalk chalk I see when I’m walking and running. For one thing, I love color. And it’s something different to look at if I’m running the same sidewalks over and over.

I saw a bay window with some insulation scrunchily piled on the sill. What was that all about? Aren’t you supposed to put decorative things in a bay window? That’s as bad as the porches (screened-in and regular) I see with all kinds of junk piled on them. I understand catch-alls as well as the next pack rat, but I believe in enjoying one’s porch.

I see I am up to 600 words, which is a respectable post for me. Tomorrow I will probably talk about the Expo and after that, more things Boilermaker. I believe the Boilermaker counts as a major Mohawk Valley adventure.

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Sorry, St. Anthony

Posted on June 22, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have to take Lame Post Friday a day early this week. I was writing about St. Anthony’s festival when I realized I did not remember much about it other than the sausage and pepper sandwich I ate and that the band and DJ were both awfully loud (then again, I always think the music is loud). Oh, and I remember a few nice people petting Tabby. But I don’t remember the name of the band or what all kinds of booths they had besides what we actually ate (there were even other food booths, I seem to recall).

I feel really stupid! I remember giving a shout-out to St. Anthony’s Festival last year and having no problem writing the post. I know, I should go back and read that post, then look for the festival program we picked up this year, THEN write the post. But I’m at work (on a break, of course), so I can’t check these things now. And later I will not have time, because I must prepare to meet Steven for today’s Mohawk Valley adventure. And since that adventure may involve beer and staying out till 8 p.m. or later, I can’t count on writing the post afterwards. So you see my problem.

If ever there was a time for random observations and half-baked philosophy, this is it. So do you think I can come up with anything. NO!!! It’s a wrist to forehead situation.

Actually, we can extrapolate a number of observations just from the situation I described. First observation: I care more about sausage and pepper sandwiches than festival booths and band names. Second observation: I have a cute dog that nice people like to pet. Third observation: I can almost always get a post about not being able to write a post.

I can work up some half-baked philosophy around my exclamation of “I feel really stupid!” First of all (and this is also a not-so-random observation): nobody is perfect. It is counter-productive to leap to insulting global statements based upon one’s inability to recall specific details (I rather like that last sentence). Then again, I didn’t say I am stupid. I said I felt stupid. And sometimes you just have to feel a certain way until you don’t feel that way any more.

How I feel right now is that I have done wrong in writing a Lame Post on a Thursday. Fridays are for Lame Posts. Then again, this week my Friday may not be a Friday, because I might have to work on Saturday. And astute readers (if any) will have picked up on the fact that I have a Mohawk Valley adventure planned for tonight. I can write about that on Friday. Or even refresh my memory and write about St. Anthony’s Festival. The possibilities are endless!

Today, however, I’m on a time budget. What you see is what you get. Happy Thursday, everyone.

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