Category Archives: humor

Chasing Shade

Posted on July 5, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I may have used that headline before. If so, sorry. But I’m back to All Boilermaker All The Time with another post about a preparatory run.

I’ve been tapering off this week, not pushing myself too hard. I remember when I was on the swim team in high school (roughly a hundred years ago), we went into a taper at the end of the season. Now I was the opposite of athletic in high school but joined the swim team because my friend was on it. I pretty much hated it. The girls in the slow lane, where I was naturally assigned to work out, were snotty and mean. And the not athletic thing really worked against me. Still, I didn’t get kicked off and I love to swim. As with many things, it had its moments.

So after struggling, struggling with workouts that were too hard and fast for me, the taper was sweet relief. The more athletic girls had loads of excess energy. I just felt less inclined to burst into tears.

And so it is this week. I’m running shorter lengths of time. I’m maintaining a leisurely pace. My last major hill was Monday. I can’t say I’ve found it sweet relief, though. A front of heat and humidity is moving through the Mohawk Valley, and I have to say I don’t like it much.

At least I’m not running at four in the afternoon. You would think getting out between 6 and 7 a.m. would be before the heat of the day. Not so much.

I decided that this morning I would run no hills at all. It was 6:13 when I started out. By all indications, it should have been a delightful run.

I don’t know how the sun gets to be so bright and hot that early in the morning. I quickly found that it wasn’t that bad in the shade. I had started out with a couple of different plans on where to run. I discarded both of them and chose which street and which side of the street based on where I could find the most shade.

I was soon twisting and turning through residential streets wondering how a forty minute run could feel as long as an hour and twenty minute run. I resolutely refused to look at my watch every sixty seconds. That helped.

I noted flowers and lawn decorations as I ran. That helped, too. One front lawn had a profusion of yellow day lilies. Yes, the word “profusion” popped into my head as I saw them. My mom gave me some yellow day lily bulbs. I’ll have to get those in the ground soon.

At one point a lovely cooling breeze flowed over me. Aaaahhh! It felt like a breeze off a body of water. I knew there was a stretch of river or canal nearby, but I didn’t think I was close enough to reap any real benefits.

I stopped very briefly to pet a cute dog. I would have liked to stop briefly at the spring, but I hadn’t run in that direction. I usually only stop for a drink on the really long runs anyways. I haven’t even taken water during either of the 5Ks I’ve run. I’ll probably follow the good advice of drinking water whenever offered on the Boilermaker. If I feel inclined to burst into tears at the end of that race, I’d like to have sufficient hydration to do so.

I felt pretty OK after my run. Dare I say, ready for the Boilermaker? I may also have solved my where to park before, where to go afterwards problem. I’m sure I’ll write a major post about the big day. Stay tuned.

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It Was No House of Wax

Posted on July 4, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last night I took a break from my Boilermaker obsession to watch a cheesy horror movie from Steven’s DVD collection of 50 Horror Classics. We picked The Monster Maker (1944). I had been disappointed by the lack of monsters in the last Horror Classic we viewed, so I thought I would be safe choosing one with “monster” right in the title.

The real monsters, unfortunately, were the makers of the movie, passing off this dull piece of bologna as a thriller. I suppose you’ll have that in a collection of 50 movies priced to sell.

I had great hopes for it when I read the plot summary in one of Steven’s movie books: a mad scientist injects a piano player with some stuff that makes him a giant, particularly his hands. That reminded me of Mad Love, in which Peter Lorre fixes up a pianist with a new pair of hands that just happened to have come from a knife-wielding assassin.

In Mad Love, Lorre is obsessively in love with the pianist’s wife. In The Monster Maker, the evil doctor wants the pianist’s daughter, who looks exactly like the doctor’s dead wife. Have you ever seen anybody look EXACTLY like somebody else? I never have, but it seems to happen in movies all the time. The most notable case of the phenomenon is House of Wax (1953, starring Vincent Price), in which the evil sculptor finds a whole bunch of people who just happen to look exactly like the figures in his former wax museum.

So I basically sat through The Monster Maker comparing it unfavorably to other old horror movies. The monster, when he finally shows up, is pretty scary looking, but he doesn’t threaten anybody I liked, so where’s the suspense there? There is a scary scene involving a gorilla and the evil doctor’s doormat assistant. I won’t say more, in case you ever watch the movie.

When we first meet the evil doctor, he’s scary right off the bat, in a psycho, stalker sort of way. When he meets the beautiful girl who looks like his dead wife, he kisses her hand and gives her the scary eyeballs a la Bela Lugosi. He uses the eyeballs to better effect on his hapless assistant, who he is apparently in the habit of hypnotizing. I wish they had made more of the doctor’s back story. Maybe an extended flashback, which they had plenty of time for, because the movie clocked in at 64 minutes.

Then again, the movie was dull enough at 64 minutes. The back story sounded compelling with the assistant and doctor telling it to each other; there’s no saying they wouldn’t have messed it up trying to dramatize it. I wouldn’t say the movie was a complete waste of time, but if you happen to catch it, you won’t feel bad running out to the kitchen to get a snack, which both Steven and I did.

It is fun to write reviews of dull movies, though. I look forward to the next one. We saw a title of Vampire Bat that looked good. Stay tuned.

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Musings on the Move

Posted on July 3, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

But not moving very fast. You know how I run.

I’ve decided not to worry too much about All Boilermaker All The Time, because it seems to me the Utica O-D is doing the same thing. At least, A Lot Of Boilermaker. After all, they have a whole newspaper with a large readership. I have one little blog with a modest but highly intelligent readership (I’m quite certain all my readers are folks of taste and discernment and even more certain that none of them will disagree)(and, of course, by “modest” I am referring to size of said readership, not humility of individuals on which I would not pass judgement).

Where was I? Ah, yes, Middle-aged Musings Monday. What better to muse about this morning than running? And I did muse as I ran.

One thought that occurred to me yesterday and that I further pondered today was I don’t run to improve my time; I run to improve myself. That meant something different fifteen years ago from what it means now.

Fifteen (or so) years ago, I was in the army. I’ll be honest: I did want to improve my time. They give you these PT (Physical Training) tests, they post the times for all to see. You have to maintain a certain time or they could make your life even more difficult. Of course I wanted to improve my time. But that was not my whole focus.

I realized this when this guy — I won’t even say which branch of service he was in, because he was a poor representative of it — scorned my running of hills (this was in Monterrey, CA; there were plenty of hills). If you wanted to improve your run time, he said, you should work on your stride, so it was better to run a smooth, flat track. That’s all very well and good, I suppose. But what if one was forced to run in a combat situation? The enemy is not likely to provide a flat, smooth path.

Anyways, it is much more satisfying to run hills, and a lot more interesting to have variety in the terrain. And running off road is fun! I did not argue all this with the guy. I just kept doing what I was doing. Any my run time did improve, so there.

Now I run purely for me (and for the amusement of anybody that wants to point and laugh, I suppose). These days I’m more interested in enjoying the scenery and thinking of things to write in my blog that I am in a hard core workout. Along the way I manage to put in a fair amount of effort, but I don’t need to think about PT tests or worry about combat situations.

So what am I improving, if not my time? I’m improving my weight by calories burned. I’m improving my powers of perseverance. I’m improving my knowledge of village streets as well as my observational skills. I’m improving my mood, because even if I don’t get that endorphin boost, I feel good about myself that I got out and did it.

Am I improving my blog? Well, that’s a judgement call. All I can do is keep running and writing. See you Tuesday.

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Into the Woods

Posted on July 1, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I suppose some readers might be tired of posts about running, but the Boilermaker is one week from today! In fact, one week from right now as I write this, I will be done running the Boilermaker (but not done writing about it, as I’m sure you’ve guessed). Besides, I ran somewhere different today, and I think that is worth a post.

I started with my usual Sunday run up to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC) the front way. I tell you what, that hill does not get any easier. As I fought my way up it, I reflected on the Boilermaker vs Herkimer’s D.A.R.E. 5K. For a 15K, it is impressive just to go the distance. For a 5K, less so. Unless the 5K includes a big old steep hill. Then you get kudos for just not walking. And if you do walk you still get kudos for just not stopping. And if you do stop, well, there’s always next year. I don’t intend to stop, and I did not stop today.

I kept going up onto the campus, so I was still running uphill. It was after 7 o’clock and already the sun was hot. Well, that just makes it better practice for the Boilermaker, I told myself. And on the Boilermaker there is a considerable number of places where they offer you water. That will be nice. I sure could have used a little shade, though.

My goal was to run for an hour and twenty minutes. That mean I had time to kill (if the time didn’t kill me) (such an outcome was, of course, unlikely, but I had to make the play on words). I decided to run on the nature trail. There would be lots of shade there.

I used to walk the trail once a week with a friend, and Steven and I have taken Tabby there several times. We have not been there in a long time, but I felt fairly confident I could get in and out without getting lost in the woods. On reflection, I don’t know why I thought that. I get lost all the time in the silliest places. If it’s a choice between a left and a right, at least eight times out of ten I will pick the wrong one. Either I trust my instinct and it’s wrong, or I don’t trust it and it’s right. No matter. Even if I got lost, the trail doesn’t go that deeply into the woods. At worst, I would come out on some back road and have to run back to the college. There might be a lot of bugs in the woods. That’s all right, too, I thought. I have witch hazel to put on but bites. Really, there was no reason not to continue.

I could see right away that they had maintained the trail. I followed a nice path of wood chips into the forest. I remembered this, sure I did. I crossed a wooden bridge over a dry stream bed. The path was clear, no choices right or left yet. I could rock this. My only problem was not much breeze, and I had forgotten my headband.

I could hear a woodpecker in the distance that sounded much louder and a little slower than I thought woodpeckers sounded. Maybe it was a mutant woodpecker. Then I came to a sign that said Outer Loop with arrows pointing in opposite directions. Swell! I picked right.

This path was a lot longer than I remembered. It was so twisty I couldn’t tell what direction I was headed in. Some people might have been able to judge by the position of the sun, but I couldn’t remember where the sun was when I went in (oh, I know the sun doesn’t move, we do; you know what I mean).

I knew there was a section that goes out into some fields. You’re still surrounded by vegetation, so you can’t just crash through to the road, and it goes on and on and on. I did not want to go there. Here was another choice. I was sure the left led to that path. I chose right. No! Right went to the path. I went back to go left instead. No! Left went that way too! I went back right. For one thing, part of that path was soft pine needles that felt good on my feet. Then I noticed a third choice.

More pine needles. Ah! Then I saw a shelter I remembered, and a picnic table. Oh, was this the way back to where I came in? Yes! It was! I still had a ways to go and a couple of good upslopes to navigate, but I could see the athletic fields in the distance through the trees and knew I was on the right track.

I emerged from the woods triumphant, and not even half-way through my hour and twenty minutes. No matter. I could loop around the athletic fields and onto Reservoir Road. Then it was downhill and shade till I got to the spring for my mid-run drink.

The rest of the run was pretty good. I petted three dogs, found some nice shade, enjoyed the occasional breeze. I also ran up the hill by Valley Health, just to be hard core (at least as hard as my core gets). I’d say I’m feeling semi-confident about the Boilermaker. My main goal now is to blog about something else at least a couple of times between now and then. Stay tuned!

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Getting Personal About Running

Posted on July 1, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I HATE the expression “TMI.” I think it is rude and in general is applied indiscriminately. If something truly is not an appropriate topic for the company, a tactful change of subject is in order. To yell, “TMI! TMI!” is just a mean joke and it hurts my feelings. All that by way of saying, I am going to talk about my sports bras today. If you don’t like it STOP READING NOW!!!

I think that was fair. Kind of like a Spoiler Alert at the beginning of an Entertainment Weekly article. Or, better yet, one of those warnings at the beginning of a show on Investigation Discovery that it may contain material disturbing to some viewers.

To get on with my post: I wear two sports bras at a time. It’s the only thing I’ve found that works for me. I used to wear two of the cheap ones and was fine with it. Now I find that at least one has to be of a certain quality or I just don’t get the control.

A guy at the Sneaker Store told me that a sales rep told him that runners should replace their sports bras as often as they replace their running shoes. Probably sound advice. So I knew I was overdue, but, oh, I hate bra shopping. I’m sure I hate it even more than the people who have stopped reading this post hate it when I give what they call Too Much Information.

Is anybody still reading?

When I went for my run this morning, I could feel one bra was chafing. Oh dear! Well, we must persevere through these minor discomforts. By the end of the run, I was tucking some of my t-shirt in between my body and bra. That helped.

Then I stepped into the shower and the water hit where the skin had been rubbed raw by the offending undergarment. OOOWWWW! Seriously, I stood there in the shower saying, “Ow! Ow! Ow!” which made Steven a little worried.

I went to K-Mart with a shopping list that included two things: sports bras and Neo-sporin. I got the generic version of Neo-sporin, but it had the same active ingredients. I found several sports bras which I think will work in varying combinations. Some are in pretty colors. I see no reason why a useful object should not also be decorative.

Before I wrote this, I was reading some of my older posts. I’ve been reading through them from the beginning and making notes, thinking I might learn something. Mostly what I’ve learned is that I have had some pretty silly posts. I guess this is one of them. We’ll see what I can come up with for tomorrow. As always, thank you for playing.

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Boilermaker Butterflies

Posted on June 30, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Subtitle: 15Ks Is The Least Of My Worries.

I am using today’s Friday Lame Post to vent my nerves regarding the upcoming Boilermaker road race, to be run (in my case, shuffled) Sunday, July 8 in Utica, NY (I realized I keep mentioning the Boilermaker but never said when or where it was. I do know these things).

As my subtitle says, the actual act of moving my feet for 15 kilometers, even in sweltering heat, does not particularly worry me. Oh, I realize I will probably get a crappy time. I will probably look ridiculous when I do it. It may very well suck. However, I know from experience that I can keep going through almost any amount of suck for just about as long as I decide to. I have shuffled along with the mantra repeating in my head, “Just don’t stop,” many times. It’s not my favorite way to run, but I can do it, and the rewards afterward are undeniable.

I quite frankly do not expect to spend a large portion of the Boilermaker in that stage. The support is great, and the route is interesting. As I said, that is not what worries me.

What worries me is 13,999 other runners. Where are we all going to run? Any given street is only so wide. How mushed will we be in the starter bin? Will we have to run in lock-step or be trampled? What if some people are bad-tempered? Will I become a victim of Runner’s Rage?

These things, I suppose, will sort themselves out, at least by the third mile or so. I’m also a bit concerned by where to go before that. The first year I ran, I had no idea where to park. Somebody had told me how to get to the starting line with the Culver Avenue exit closed, but I looked in vain for big signs that said, “Runners park here!” I did, of course, find a place to park eventually. I’m thinking it was the wrong place, because no other cars were parked there when I returned to my truck, but I did not get a ticket, so that was all right.

After the run, things can get even more complicated. I never did get my lunch that first year. I got it the second year, because I had a run buddy who knew where to go. I seem to remember finding the shuttles back to the starting place without too much difficulty.

I really don’t know what I’m so worried about. All these problems, if they even arise, are not insoluble. Now I’m a little afraid to publish this. I can just hear some readers saying, “Oh, quit your bellyaching! Nobody asked you to run the Boilermaker! Just shut up and run!”

Well, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. Or, rather, my blog and I’ll complain if I want to. For heavens’ sake, what miracles of erudition do you want from me on Lame Post Friday? And on July 8, I will run, but I will not shut up. Would you expect less?

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But It Starred Boris Karloff!

Posted on June 29, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have not reviewed — or even viewed — a cheesy horror movie in a while. I sought to remedy the omission Wednesday with The Fatal Hour (1940) starring Boris Karloff, part of our DVD set of 50 Classic Horror Movies.

The main reason we picked that one is that one of Steven’s movie books said it was 68 minutes long. This would get me into bed in a timely fashion, as it is important to me to get my beauty rest (and I don’t need anyone to tell me that I clearly do not get enough).

The movie opened with a hot blonde walking into the Homicide Department. I perked up. Was it, could it be… it was! An intrepid girl reporter! I love intrepid girl reporters! Of course she was looking for a story. And naturally everything was quiet UNTIL…

Actually, things started rather slowly, with the off camera murder of a policeman working undercover. Soon we meet Detective Wong, played by Boris Karloff, working on the case unofficially. I only recognized Karloff by his voice, and not the “Friend! Good!” voice he used in Bride of Frankenstein. It was the gentle, comforting voice he used when he narrated How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I kept thinking about How the Grinch Stole Christmas every time Karloff talked. He really had a beautiful voice.

The main bad guy, less so. He had an accent that came and went, and he referred to Mr. Wong as The Chinese Copper. That was probably the cheesiest aspect of the picture. That, and the bad girl’s hat. When I found out she was the bad girl, I realized I should have known right away she was bad, based on the hat.

The movie as a whole, I’m afraid, was not very cheesy. It wasn’t a horror movie, either. It was a detective film. What was that all about? I suppose it made it into the collection because of Boris Karloff. Apparently the people that put these things together do not necessarily watch the movies first.

As a detective movie, it was actually pretty good. The solution was clever. I arrived at it just before Mr. Wong confronted the killer (I’ve seen a lot of detective movies). As usual, I missed a few clues along the way. I’ll need to watch it again to pick those up, as because I’m still not clear on how the killer got one victim.

I was disappointed at the lack of monsters and cheesiness, but I did enjoy the movie. Steven looked at his collection of 50 Mystery Classics and discovered another Mr. Wong movie with Karloff. We’ll have to check it out. For the next Mohawk Valley Girl Movie Review, however, I hope to have something more cheesy to report on. Stay tuned.

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Random Running Commentary

Posted on June 28, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

First a confession: I did not run today. But I thought about running. I know, that does NOT count as running. However, I thought I could manage just a tiny blog post out of some of the stuff I thought about.

The fact is, as I run, I think of all kinds of things. Since I’ve written a blog, I mostly think of things I can put in a blog post about that run. Some of my posts about runs have been over 1,000 words. Yikes! And I do not include all the silly things I think. After I make the post, I always think, “Oh, I didn’t put in blah blah!” I know, some of you are thinking, “Oh, Cindy, you put in PLENTY of blah blah!”

Be that as it may, one thing that has occupied me lately when running has been the songs playing in my head. I absolutely never run with earphones on. Partly because I don’t own any, but mostly because I like to be aware of my surroundings. Also, I am skeptical of my ability to come up with a play list I would like. Suppose I wanted to run slower than the song that was next (I’m almost positive I would never want to run faster)?

As noted in various posts, I often hear the ice cream truck when I am running. I don’t particularly like being stalked by the ice cream truck (although I do like including the possibility in my post), but I must say some of those silly tunes are good to run to. It is not uncommon to have the music playing in my head after the truck has gone.

One song that plays in my head quite often is one from the ’80s that goes, “I know what boys like/ I know what guys want/ I know what boys like/ boys like/ boys like me!” Those are the only words I know. In fact, they may be the only words to that song. I must admit to feeling pretty good as I run along thinking all the boys like me (shut up! I can think what I like!).

A song that caught me the other day was one that goes, “All I wanna do/ Is have some fun/ I got a feeling/ I’m not the only one.” Again, those are the only words I know. And I’m pretty sure there are more to that one. For a little variety, I sometimes think it as, “All I wanna do/ Is run, run, run!”

When I was on the swim team in high school (about a hundred years ago), the girls used to compare songs they sang in their heads while they swam. One favorite was a part of a Journey song I cannot recall that went, “Nah Nah Na-NAH Nah, Nah-nah Na NAH Nah…” I may not have that right, but I bet some of you know the song.

Swimming, of course, is a different proposition from running, which is something else I started thinking about while I was running. I do best at running the more I think about other things. That didn’t work so well with swimming. I started swimming my fastest (which was never very fast) when I concentrated on the pure physical effort. Actually, I suppose that is what I do when I sprint, which isn’t often.

Well, I see I am over 500 words. And I thought this was going to be a tiny blog post. Well, it was fun to write. I’ll probably go running tomorrow. What song will my head play?

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Not a Dead End Run

Posted on June 27, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I ran for an hour and thirteen minutes on Sunday. I did not run on Monday. The Boilermaker is bearing down on me like Nemesis (when it is capitalized it means the goddess of retribution; uncapitalized, of course, it is our favorite superhero’s main enemy). So I definitely wanted to run on Tuesday (today).

I was delighted that it was cooler than it has been. I would not have let high temperatures deter me, but I figured I would be more comfortable and perhaps run further. I set out.

And my body immediately demanded to know what the hell I was thinking. I was stunned by the question. I had skipped one day! Just one day! What was all this stiffness? Where did these sore muscles come from? I remembered that I did not stretch immediately following Sunday’s run. Could that have started the mischief?

I debated if and which hills to run. To run hills, of course, I have to cross German Street. I bargained with myself: if I could cross at the end of my street, I would head toward the college or Valley Health and run one of those hills. If not, I would head towards Main Street. If I could cross at Main Street, I would run up that hill. If I could not cross at Main Street, I was off the hook.

Main Street looked busy. It is a four way stop, so it is never impossible to cross, but it is sometimes tricky. You may get the “go ahead” wave from one car and not another. Or somebody might be turning without their signal (I HATE that!). Look at all those cars! I could never cross. Then I realized I could. Yes! I sprinted. Then I wondered why I was so happy to run up a hill.

The hill is part of a dead end street that didn’t used to be a dead end street. A car can’t go beyond a certain point, but a person can. At least, the last time I ran it one could. Oh dear, it is a steep hill. Still, it is my goal to run the tough ones. I got to the point where no car may go. I hoped no Herkimer authorities would read my blog and come yell at me for running there. I wondered if I could gloss over the dead end aspect of the street when I wrote the post. As you see, I did not. In fact, I saw a bunch of footprints in some dirt, so I knew I was not the only one to go there. I thought it would be OK. I ran on.

And kept going up. I did not go up as far as the hill goes, though, because that would bring me out too far onto Steuben Road, which has no sidewalks way out there. And cars go kind of fast. When I got onto Steuben, I got over onto the shoulder as far as I could. One truck coming toward me slowed way down when he got near me, perhaps because a car was coming in the opposite direction so he could not get over. I gave him the “thank you” wave. Another truck neither slowed down nor moved over. You’ll have that. At last I was back on the sidewalk.

My legs were feeling better as the run went on, as was my mood. I didn’t mention this before, but I was sorely in need of endorphins today. I never know if I am getting endorphins or not. I mean, on the rare occasions that I get the “I LOVE to run!” feeling, I’m pretty sure that’s endorphins. The “I can rock this” stage, I’m not so sure. Maybe it’s a lower dose.

Endorphins or not, as I walked my cool down with Tabby, I realized I felt… better. And you know, when it comes to the Boilermaker, SOMEBODY has to be dead last. There’s no shame in it. A little embarrassment, I suppose. Then again, perhaps that is a small favor I could do for the other 13,999 runners.

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Funked Up Monday

Posted on June 26, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Why are Middle-aged Musings Mondays so much more difficult than Lame Post Fridays? And I’d also like to know why so many of my posts turn out to be about How I Can’t Write a Post Today.

I have seriously been trying. I’ve gotten a few paragraphs written, and they actually don’t seem too bad. But I can’t go on (said in a dramatic tone of voice, with one wrist to my forehead).

The point of this blog was NOT to be a forum for my personal problems. Not that there’s anything wrong with a blog like that. Some people find it very helpful to write out their problems. I’m sure some people even like to read about other people’s problems. They can say things like, “Ha! She thinks she’s got it bad!” or “And I thought I had it bad!” Probably they think of good solutions. It’s always easier to solve other people’s problems (hey! that was a middle-aged musing, wasn’t it?).

I just seem to be having an ongoing problem of being in a funk on Monday. Perhaps I overdo it on the weekends. Being middle-aged, I perhaps should not try to act like I did when I was in my 20s. Perhaps it would be helpful if I wrote Monday’s post on Saturday or Sunday, when I am not in such a funk. That’s not cheating. Stop shaking your finger at me!

Oh, you’re not shaking your finger at me because you think I’m cheating. You’re shaking your finger at me because you’ve been thinking for the past three Mondays that I ought to have written that post on Saturday or Sunday. Good idea.

OK, so in posts about running, I admitted to having conversations with various body parts. Now we see I am having conversations with imaginary readers. And if I keep doing ridiculous posts like this, I may be left with only imaginary readers. Say it ain’t so!

I will try very hard to find something better to write about tomorrow. Thank you for your patience.

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