Category Archives: humor

Woozy II

Posted on January 30, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to call it Spectacle II, but I thought Woozy II had more of a ring to it.

So there I was going back to work after giving blood, still in a semi-woozy state. I had talked to my manager. I also reported to my nearest co-worker. I figured if I collapsed in a heap, he would be the first to notice.

Lunch was less than a half hour away. I could make it. I was sitting down, I could work slowly. As I had walked from the blood drive place to my area, I had been pleased to note that I felt better. As I worked, I was discouraged to note that I felt worse. Headache, nausea, I could rock this, I told myself.

Putting food in my body would probably help. I had some vanilla yogurt and diced apple with granola. I usually eat it for my 9 a.m. snack, but this day I had gone to the blood drive instead. That went down OK, but nothing else in my lunch box sounded even vaguely appetizing.

I told my co-workers about my woozy experience. They told me I still looked a little woozy and advised me to report back to the nurses. I told them that every time they used the word “woozy” I felt a little more woozy. I have a very suggestible nature. For the rest of the day, one guy made it a point to use the word “woozy” in every sentence he spoke.

“You look as if you don’t feel too good,” another fellow said, too tactful to say I looked like crap, which I believe is what he was thinking.

At one point I stood up to go join a couple of guys who always work on the crossword puzzle in the newspaper during lunch. I changed my mind and sat back down. Co-workers expressed further concern, but I assured them I was fine.

“You just stood up and immediately had to sit back down, I don’t think you’re better,” said the guy who had told me I didn’t look too good.

“I didn’t have to sit back down, I chose to sat back down,” I told him, and hoped he didn’t notice I said “sat” for “sit” after “chose to.”

Another co-worker gave me some pretzel rods, which did help settle my stomach. She said she would keep an eye on me during the afternoon. “If I see a grey-haired speed bump in the aisle, I’ll know it’s you,” she said.

“But you won’t see her legs,” a guy said, referring to my camouflage BDU pants.

“Does Cindy even have legs?” someone asked.

“I got legs,” I told them. “ZZ Top wrote a song about it.” I sang a little of it, in case they didn’t know what I meant.

“You’re not planning on quitting your day job any time soon, are you?”

I gave him my saddest look.

“Are your feeling hurt or are you feeling woozy?”

“My feelings are so hurt, it’s making me woozy.” I took my unloved voice back to work.

I’m pleased to report that no grey-haired speed bumps (really an inspired description) caused anybody any hazard. After a while I got myself a blue Gatorade out of the machine. Miraculously, I began to feel better. Words cannot describe the happiness I felt at not having a headache.

So that is my story about giving blood. I signed up to give blood again in June. I put myself down for 12:45 p.m., right after lunch. We’ll see how much a hearty meal immediately beforehand helps.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, headaches, humor. Bookmark the permalink.

I Make a Spectacle of Myself

Posted on January 28, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I promised a post explaining yesterday’s brainless state (I truly felt I had none), so here it is.

My place of employment had a blood drive. I had neglected to sign up before Thursday afternoon so did not have an assigned time. Accordingly, I made my way to where the drive was being held at 9 a.m., their purported start time, in hopes they could take me as a walk in. They could.

Now I know from giving blood. I used to work blood drives with my service sorority in college, and I gave numerous times while in the military. I did not drink wine the night before, and I made sure I ate a healthy breakfast (banana with peanut butter and cottage cheese with walnuts). I had eaten breakfast prior to 6 a.m, but I ate a fiber bar while waiting my turn in line, so I really thought I would be fine. Full disclosure: I had a headache, as I have been having a lot lately (concerned readers will perhaps like to know that I have made a doctor’s appointment to address this problem). However, I knew the headache was not due to a cold, the flu or anything else contagious. So I thought it would be OK to give blood.

Actually, I thought I might ask one of the nurses about the headache and if it would be a good idea to give blood. I figured when they were asking me all the questions: do you feel good, did you have sex with a prostitute, etc. But they didn’t ask me the questions: they sat me at a computer by myself and I had to click on yes or no with the mouse. I suppose this ensures privacy for the sex questions. I confess I did click “yes” for “do you feel well and healthy today,” but they did not offer “as well as I have been feeling lately” as a choice. Don’t judge me.

I don’t like to pick, but the folks doing the blood drive were a trifle unorganized. It took a while to get me on the table bleeding into a bag, but I finally made it. The gurneys were kind of old and flat. The folks giving double got to be on the nice reclining tables, which I used to enjoy at a blood giving place in Georgia some years ago. I’m still not clear on what “double” is. I asked but found out I do not qualify. Females must weigh at least 175 lbs. Let’s hear it for the South Beach Diet!

So there I was sitting at the table, drinking juice and eating crackers. Other people finished their drinks and snacks and got out of there, but the volunteer kept pressing more juice or water on me. She didn’t think I looked so good. When I put my head down on the table, she was sure of it. I observed that they did not have the cot behind the screen for passers out. Merely an observation, I didn’t feel about to pass out, I just felt like crap. The lady hollered at some people to set it up, that I needed to lie down.

Actually I had to pee, and the ladies room was not close. The volunteer lady nicely escorted me down in the elevator. By the time we got back up, the cot was set up and they made me lie down. I guess I had to. I stayed there for a long time, occasionally sipping from a bottle of water and feeling really stupid. I saw two co-workers from my area. I was pretty sure they saw me, so my absence from my machine would be explained.

After a long time I felt like sitting up. I ate some more cookies and crackers, drank some more water. I kept saying I had to go back to work, and the volunteer ladies kept telling me I needed to stay right there till I felt better. When I stood to throw away my garbage, I seemed a little steadier on my feet. I thought I would be OK to go back to work. After all, I sit at my machine and work at my own pace. And by now it only lacked a half hour till lunch.

I found my foreman and said, “Don’t be mad at me.” See, we had just had a safety briefing the day before in which he said he had to know if for example we were on medication which made us sleepy. I thought feeling woozy from giving blood qualified as something he ought to know. I told him I didn’t think I was a danger to myself.

“How about others?” he asked.

“Well, it depends,” I answered. “As long as they don’t piss me off.” So you see, I was feeling more myself.

I’m looking at my word count and see I’ve gone over 800 words. That seems a little long for me, so I’ll stop here. I did have further woozy adventures, though, so tomorrow’s post may be Spectacle II. Stay tuned.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, headaches, humor. Bookmark the permalink.

Monster Movie

Posted on January 27, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I wanted to write a blog post comparing the Daphne Dumaurier short story “The Birds” with the Alfred Hitchcock movie (regarding a recent post in which I was delighted to purchase the book containing the short story). However, I wanted to view the movie again so it would be fresh in my mind. Unfortunately, we had already made up our minds to watch a different monster movie Saturday: Lake Placid.

Lake Placid got no critic love and little box office love when it was in theatres, but Steven and I think it is fun. We first encountered it on commercial television one lazy Sunday afternoon in Georgia. What could be lazier than watching a cheesy horror movie on commercial television on a Sunday afternoon? We subsequently rented it, so we could see whatever bits got cut for commercial breaks, and Steven got me the DVD for Christmas last year.

One reason we wanted to watch it Saturday was that Betty White had recently celebrated a birthday. We like to watch a movie featuring a birthday girl or boy.

Betty White is pretty fun in the movie, doing her usual sweet but twisted old lady schtick. I must say, however, that giving Betty White a potty mouth is a cheap, obvious way to get a laugh. Still, it’s Betty White. There could be no possible objection.

The movie is worth watching for the non-Betty White parts as well. In case you are not familiar with the movie, it concerns a large crocodile terrorizing a peaceful lake in Maine. We were interested to see the movie at first because we used to live near Lake Placid, NY. We were hoping the movie took place there. Actually, on this viewing, I found out that the Maine lake in the movie is Black Lake.

“They wanted to call in Lake Placid,” the big bellied sheriff says, “but that name was taken.”

How in the world did I not remember that line?

Bill Pullman plays the calm, cool Fish and Wildlife guy who is in charge of the investigation. Bridget Fonda is a city girl paleontologist with reasons of her own for wanting to stick around. Oliver Platt shows up as a spoiled rich diletantish crocodile lover who clashes (of course) with the big bellied sheriff. The characters actually keep from being “types,” as often happens in these flicks. I especially liked the big bellied sheriff (his belly isn’t really all that big, I just like referring to him as the big bellied sheriff).

I enjoyed the easy to watch monster movie after my Agatha Christie afternoon (see previous blog post). I’m penciling in The Birds for this weekend. Stay tuned!

2 Comments

Posted in commentary, humor, movies. Bookmark the permalink.

Saturday Movie Viewing

Posted on January 26, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Saturday I did not do anything remotely Mohawk Valley-ish, as I like to call my various adventures. Still, I was in the Mohawk Valley at the time, so I will tell you how I spent a good part of the day on my couch, crocheting and watching Agatha Christie movies.

I started with And Then There Were None. I was recently in a stage production of this with Ilion Little Theatre. It was during my pre-blog days. The script is based on a book which is also called 10 Little Indians. I think And Then There Were None is clearly a better title.

The reason it was called 10 Little Indians (or something even less politically correct) is that the murders are based on a supposedly charming nursery rhyme. Seriously, in the play the characters find these Indian figurines and a wall hanging of a poem about how each little Indian bit the big one and they say, “Oh, how charming!” This one chokes himself, that one chops himself in half and the last one hangs himself. They sure don’t make nursery rhymes like they used to. Still, it was a fun movie to watch, especially after being in the play. Naturally, I liked our version better, but Hollywood tries.

I followed the movie up with Murder on the Orient Express. The book was called Murder on the Calais Coach. Again, I like the movie title better. Calais Coach has the alliterative thing going on, but Orient is mysterious and Express is urgent, a more evocative combination (evocative is one of my favorite words).

We’ve had the second movie for years, first as a video Steven purchased for seventy-five cents from a rental place going out of business, then eventually as a DVD. I love the star studded cast, especially Albert Finney as Hercule Poirot. I don’t think this one was ever written as a stage play, which is too bad. I’d suggest it to Ilion Little Theatre.

I enjoyed my movie watching afternoon and managed to complete an afghan. I’ll make plans to do something a little more blogworthy soon.

2 Comments

Posted in commentary, humor, movies. Bookmark the permalink.

Trudging Through Tuesday

Posted on January 25, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

It really was not that bad of a day, but I felt like being alliterative.

I wrote three different blog posts while I was at work today: one before starting work at 7 a.m., one during the 9 a.m. break and a third at the 2 p.m. break (I called my husband during lunch; it was his day off). Actually, none of the posts was complete, and the third was really short, because I was busy making silly jokes with my co-workers. Be that as it may, none of those posts pleased me.

I got home from work in time for my one of my favorite crime shows, City Confidential. Today’s city was Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I’d really like to check out some of these cities, and not just because of the murders that took place there. After City Confidential, I got interested in an episode of Notorious. They were showing a case I had seen profiled on another show, Power, Privilege and Justice, I think.

Before you go thinking I’m all morbid, loving these crime shows, let me assure you these shows are classy entertainment. The coverage is in-depth and informative, and there are no cheesy reenactments. I hate cheesy reenactments, and very few reenactments are not cheesy. The shows were not graphic either, as evidenced by the fact that we ate dinner during the second.

Throughout my TV watching, my dog Tabby kept coming up to me and gazing at me with appealing brown eyes. I knew what she wanted, so after Notorious I put my bra and sneakers back on and got out her leash. I only could have skipped City Confidential and walked her when it was still light out, but we can’t always look that far ahead.

Tabby pulled me as she often does toward the Historic Four Corners. I could see the Herkimer County Courthouse two blocks away. I remembered how when we had first moved into Herkimer, I would go running and get a little confused in the streets beyond Washington. Eventually I would look up and see the courthouse and know which direction to head.

We turned down Main Street and walked by a few open businesses and some sadly closed ones. Tabby looked speculatively at a small family getting out of a car, no doubt thinking they’d like to pet a cute dog. Unfortunately they crossed the street without giving her a glance. I heard the father telling the little boy to hold his mother’s hand.

Tabby wanted to go through the little park by Basloe Library, but I made her go down one more block, feeling I needed a little more exercise. When we approached Meyers Park, I remembered it is closed from dusk to dawn, according to the sign. Of course we have walked through the park in the dark many times. Tonight, however, we walked around the perimeter. For one thing, that sidewalk was more clear.

I saw some red lights in the distance and thought, “Christmas!” It was only a Swann truck. Good eats, but pricey. I especially like the Racetrack cones, but I’m on the South Beach Diet. We walked by St. Francis de Sales Church. The light in front of the statue of St. Francis made a big shadow of St. Francis’ head on the church wall.

We had a few minor disagreements on our walk. Tabby wanted to sniff more times and for longer than I felt like standing around, and when we got closer to home she wanted to jay walk. Dogs don’t know from crosswalks. Still, it was a pleasant enough walk. A little colder than I like. I pulled my fingers into the hand part of my gloves and made fists. I took a hot shower when I got home, which made my hands hurt. They’re feeling better now, and I see I’ve managed to type over 600 words. Not bad for not using any of the three posts I wrote earlier.

And now, speaking of classy crime shows, I think I’ll go watch World’s Dumbest Criminals.

2 Comments

Posted in commentary, crime, dogs, Herkimer, humor, television, Uncategorized, walking. Bookmark the permalink.

Third Breakfast’s the Charm?

Posted on January 24, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I threatened to write another blog post about the Lady Elks Sunday Breakfast if we went again, and naturally we went again.

Once again, the Lady Elks put on a breakfast on Sundays in January to support various projects for the year. Since I love community events and I love food, it is not surprising I would be there every week, schedule permitting, which it has so far.

I decided to mix things up a little: I got my eggs over medium instead of scrambled and said yes to pancakes. I also got whole wheat toast, bacon, baked beans and potatoes with onion, as I previously did. So Steven and I had identical breakfasts this week, aside from our juice (orange and tomato, respectively). Do I even have to mention we also had coffee? I thought not.

Once again Steven got his breakfast first. The ladies delivering the meals were not calling out the numbers this week, so I did not get the chance to laugh heartily as every number surrounding mine was called first. It wasn’t that long of a wait in any case.

I hadn’t had pancakes and eggs in a long time. It used to be a big favorite. Steven would even fix it for dinner sometimes. Too late I realized I should have asked them to bring me only one pancake. I felt bad to not eat everything I had asked for, but you can only stuff yourself so full.

“Are you not gong to finish that?” Steven asked.

“Do you want it?” Now I did not have to feel guilty. I only left some of the beans. I got up to search for some water to take ibuprofen, and when I got back to the table our plates were gone.

“The lady said if you weren’t finished, it was my fault,” Steven told me.

I made like I was going to pound on the table and holler, just to be silly. I guess they just would have told me it was Steven’s fault, or maybe gotten a big Elk to throw me out.

We left the breakfast and headed to the grocery store, for once doing what the magazine articles advise you to do and not shop on an empty stomach. Just to prove my contrary nature, it was not a successful trip. If I don’t shop at least a little hungry, I don’t buy enough food. But that’s a subject for another post.

In the meantime, local readers have one more Sunday to enjoy breakfast with the Lady Elks: January 29, 8 to 11 am, on Mary Street in Herkimer, NY. Hope to see you there.

Leave a comment

Posted in breakfast, Community Events, dining, Elks, food, Herkimer, humor. Bookmark the permalink.

Easy Saturday Supper

Posted on January 23, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Saturday I had planned to sensibly heat up leftovers for dinner, but when Steven got home after a hard day’s work and I made a tentative suggestion to send out for food, there was no turning back.

As usual with us, we were not sure right off the bat what we were in the mood for. Steven grabbed the folder full of menus from local eateries (yes, we finally learned to keep them all in one place). I was positive I had recently found one from Salvatore’s (when I was looking for something else, of course) and added it to the pile. Naturally it was not there. Naturally as soon as I thought of it, THAT was where I wanted to order from. My subsequent search was fruitless.

Regular readers know I am not very computer adept. However, I knew I had liked Salvatore’s on Facebook, because they post their specials every day (usually I see them after I have eaten and say damn!). I got on the computer. A few judicious clicks and I was on their website, http://www.salvatores-herkimer.com/.

We looked at hot subs as it was a cold night, and settled on Stefano’s Chicken (not sure who Stefano is, but apparently he makes a mean sub): chicken tenders, tomato, lettuce, bacon, American cheese and Honey BBQ Sauce. Steven suggested a large antipasto salad, which also sounded good.

They told him 30 to 40 minutes, and it was not nearly that long. I thought I had shut the inner door (we have a kind of an entryway), but of course had not so Tabby came out to greet the delivery guy. He did not mind; he said it happens all the time. Well, she’s a little dog and all she did was put her paws up on his legs in case he wanted to pet her. Her paws weren’t even wet because she’d been indoors. So you see.

The food was delicious. We polished off the sub but have some leftover salad, which I will no doubt enjoy this afternoon. Now I feel we must go to Salvatore’s and dine in, so I can pick up another menu (you can’t count of me finding the same thing on the computer twice). They are located at 650 1/2 W. German St., Herkimer, NY. Phone number is 315-866-2600.

Leave a comment

Posted in dining, food, Herkimer, humor, local business, Restaurants. Bookmark the permalink.

Cold Walk

Posted on January 21, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Once again on a Saturday morning, I would like to blog about walking my dog. However comma (that is an expression I got from a sergeant I knew in the army), I did not take my dog for a walk this morning.

I tried to walk Tabby every day this week. I want to start running again, with an eye to the Boilermaker and my waistline, but it’s just been too cold and snowy for me (only those who go out and run themselves are allowed to roll their eyes, point and laugh or call me names). Still, walking in the snow is good exercise. It’s definitely more effort than bare sidewalk.

Tabby has definite ideas about how long or far she wants to walk, especially on very cold or very hot days (guess which we’ve been having lately). Monday she pulled me around our block and only around our block. It was a slightly longer walk, though, because twice we crossed the street to walk where the sidewalk was more bare. And, as I said, we had plowing through the snow going for us. Tuesday was another short walk.

Wednesday I had the bright idea to see how long it would take me to walk to Wal-Mart. See, on Thursday Steven and I had a dinner meeting of Ilion Little Theatre Club, and Steven had to work till 6:30, which would make us a little late. I had this elaborate idea that I would get home, walk Tabby to Wal-Mart, get the car, drive back home, put our dish to pass and plates in the car, then drive to pick up Steven at 6:30 to get to the meeting in a more timely fashion. So Wednesday was in the nature of a dress rehearsal (see my theatre background asserting itself). It was the coldest day yet, with wind chill. I had for once remembered my scarf, and it was not the miracle I was hoping for. We got a little more than halfway (I think; didn’t measure it on a map) when Tabby stopped short and looked at me. I know that look. We turned around and went back home.

Thursday, I made her walk all the way to Wal-Mart. She tried the stop short and look trick, but I assured her it was quicker to keep going. As soon as she saw the car, she felt better about everything.

I have been suffering from some bad headaches, so I have been keeping a headache diary, noting that I have had a headache every day in 2012. I noticed my headaches were often worse in the evening, so thought walking in the cold might have something to do with it. Friday, I made the experiment of not going for the walk. Tabby did not mind so much, because Steven was home and she likes to hang with both her peeps. Also, she had been to the groomers, which is very exciting for her and excitement tends to tire her out. Lo and behold, I had no headache. Could the fact that it was Friday also have been a factor? Hell, I’m no scientist.

Be all that as it may, I have a headache now. I did not take Tabby for a walk, but I did go out and help shovel the driveway. Tabby ran around in the snow while I did that, so she did get some exercise. I’ll probably break down and take her for a walk this afternoon if she cares to go, headache be damned. If it’s exciting, I’ll blog about that on Sunday.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, dogs, headaches, humor, walking, weather. Bookmark the permalink.

Lame with a Chance of Meatballs

Posted on January 21, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I wrote my post the other day about “Souped Up Sunday,” I originally included some discussion about frozen vs. homemade meatballs. I cut it out for length considerations (it was a long post, even forgetting to mention the frozen spinach as I did), but I thought the subject worthy of consideration, especially on a Friday.

You may notice I took today’s title from a movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I thought that was the best title I had ever heard (even including Snakes on a Plane) and wished I has come up with it myself. I never watched movie, because I was fairly certain I would be disappointed and because I don’t dig computer animation. But I digress.

I never used to purchase pre-made frozen meatballs, but some people swear by them. Some people scorn to make homemade meatballs. It’s too much trouble, they say. Some of them say it in a superior tone of voice. As if they have much better things to do with their time and I am obviously a pathetic twerp with nothing else to do but sit around rolling ground beef and bread crumbs. Hmmm. Now that I write it, I wonder if they were really being all that superior or if I paranoidly read the insult into their perfectly innocent words. Could I need therapy?

I personally love homemade meatballs, if they are made well. My Mom makes the best meatballs. My meatballs and my sisters’ meatballs are all pretty good, since we learned from the best. That said, I appreciate the frozen kind for certain recipes.

Now I suppose that other readers (like I have that many) are huffing about, telling whoever is handy that they scorn to buy the frozen meatballs. What recipes could possibly benefit from the store-bought garbage, they ask. They always make their own and they make very good meatballs, thank you very much. I don’t know where I got all these superior readers with their superior cooking methods. My imagination, probably.

Let us consider the humble meatball. I make mine with ground beef, Italian bread crumbs, grated Parmesan cheese, egg, garlic and spices. I either bake them or fry them before adding them to the sauce or soup. Some restaurants do not have good meatballs. They give you a ball of hamburger. What’s that all about? Put some stuff in it or buy the frozen!

I forgot where I was going with all this. Oh yeah, Lame Post Friday. I hope I have entertained. See you Saturday!

Leave a comment

Posted in cooking, food, humor, lame. Bookmark the permalink.

Another Elks Breakfast

Posted on January 20, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Steven and I returned to the Elks Lodge on Mary Street, Herkimer, NY, for the Sunday breakfast sponsored by the Lady Elks.

I mentioned when I blogged about this last week that the Lady Elks hold these breakfasts on Sundays for the month of January to sponsor projects throughout the year. I thought at first I did not need to blog about it twice. Then I thought, hell, I ate there twice, I can blog twice. Why not give another shout out to the Lady Elks?

We were a little later this week than last, having luxuriously (or lazily, depending on your point of view) slept in till after eight. We found a parking space with no problem, however. The ladies taking money remembered us from last week. It’s always nice to be a regular.

This week I tried sausage instead of bacon. Again I had scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, baked beans and potatoes with onions. Steven had the same as last week: what I had, but bacon instead of sausage, eggs over medium instead of scrambled, and add pancakes. If we go again next week, I’ll go back to bacon and maybe add pancakes myself.

We sat at a table with our numbers (they give you a slip of paper with your number on it, and somebody comes out with a plate and yells the number) and said yes, please, to coffee and juice (orange for Steven, tomato for me). Steven’s food came right out. Then every number surrounding mine BUT mine was called. I was hungry! I was also in the kind of mood, it struck me as funny. I started laughing at each number called. At last my breakfast arrived. Yay!

We saw the same folks we saw last week that we knew (so we were not the only ones to return). We chatted with a member of Ilion Little Theatre about spring productions (preview of coming attractions).

It was another delicious breakfast, and we left feeling full and happy that we had supported a worthy cause. I think Steven works later this Sunday, so we may return yet again. Another blog post? We’ll see.

Leave a comment

Posted in breakfast, Community Events, Elks, food, Herkimer, humor. Bookmark the permalink.
← Older Posts
Newer Posts →