Category Archives: lame

I Plan to Be Spontaneous

Posted on December 29, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

After yesterday’s silly post, I feel a little sheepish having Lame Post Friday. However, since I got nuthin’ else, I’ll see what I can come up with.

I did have one thought about my Friday Lame Post. As I prepared to drive to work early this morning, I wondered what I might find to write about during the course of the day, since I arose this morning with nothing. Then I remembered a comment on another Friday Lame Post, advising me that one could not be random on a schedule. I had to acknowledge the truth of that statement, then the little devil on my shoulder said, “Today I planned to be spontaneous.”

Well, that is just the kind of oxymoron I enjoy (being all different kinds of moron myself). I’m only sorry I can’t come up with more of them for this post. However, let’s get on with my planned spontaneity at least.

Have you ever noticed, when somebody says, “I hate to rain on your parade,” it is almost always a lie. They LOVE to rain on your parade! They think it’s great that they know something that you don’t and it will ruin whatever you were planning/hoping/thinking. And, you know what, it’s usually not even a parade anyways. It is often something very mundane and by calling it your parade they have disparaged you twice. Or am I being too sensitive?

I just remembered that I had been going to philosophize half-bakedly on why I wanted to repeat myself in yesterday’s post. I sure do hate to rain on anybody’s parade who was waiting for that. Just kidding! I actually felt very mean for putting that, but I kind of also felt like I had to (come to think of it, that might be something else to philosophize about, half-bakedly, of course).

To set the record straight, I was going to repeat myself yesterday because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Hmmm… not very philosophical, was it? Perhaps Pouring My Art Out was right and one can’t philosophize on cue.

By the way, that was who commented, pouringmyartout.wordpress.com. I really don’t spend enough time reading other blogs, because, you know, some of them are really cool.

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Can’t Give You Anthing But Lame

Posted on December 22, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

What a dithery week I’m having.

I had meant to continue my Christmas Carol Commentary today. I even had a couple of paragraphs written. I thought, “Don’t do Lame Post Friday right after Non Sequitur Thursday.” And here it is Friday and it seems I can’t be anything but lame.

I have said in the past that I don’t suffer so much from Writer’s Block as from Writer’s Blank. My head feels like a big, empty wasteland. Well, today I think it’s Block. My head feels like a concrete wall. Nothing is getting through.

Possible reason for this phenomenon:

I got some “likes” for my posts earlier this week, and at least one new follower. What if they read my next post and DON’T LIKE IT AS MUCH? What a disaster!

Oh, I know it’s not really a disaster and logically, nobody will like each post equally as well as all others. But I think many writers can identify with the fear that we will not be good enough. After all, better to be silent and let the world think you’re a fool than to write a blog post and remove all doubt.

Actually, I guess that ship sailed with the first post: everybody knows I am something of a fool. I might postulate that most writers are fools: we put our words out there and think somebody, somewhere might want to read them. And you know what, maybe we’re not such fools after all. I like to read what people write. I’m thinking you do too, because, you know, here you are.

One of the best excuses for a lame post is, at least it’s short. Happy Friday, everyone.

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In My Defense, Here’s a Song

Posted on December 15, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not write my Friday Lame Post while at work today. What a surprise. I’ve had good luck with writing off the cuff before, I even had a few ideas banging around in my head (they bounce off the thick skull).

And here I am, with nothing coming off my cuffs (I have four of them, too, two per arm since I’m wearing a turtleneck and a sweatshirt). Why, oh why did I not write during my lunch?

I seem to recall trying that writing thing of having a designated writing time. Even if you just sit there staring at the blank page, this method goes, you sit there just in case. And sometimes something happens. My designated time was my lunch half hour at work. I seemed to get some stuff written, except on my husband’s days off. Then I would call him and talk. I think it’s important to talk to your husband.

Today, however, my little rebellious streak made itself felt.

“I don’t follow common wisdom!” my rebellious streak said. “They say don’t weigh yourself every day: I weigh myself every day! And I’m losing weight! They say just sit there even if you’re not writing. I’m not going to just sit there! So there!”

So I read this really good book. In my defense, the book is letters and diaries written around the time I’ve set the novel I’m working on. So you could categorize it as research. Or you can just shake your finger at me and say, “Next time you’ll know better: write during your designated time!”

That is so easy to say to somebody else. It’s even easy to say to myself when I am not actually doing it. It is extremely easy to sit here and resolve: from now on I will write during my lunch half hour at work (except on Steven’s days off). Doesn’t do me a whole lot of good as I’m sitting here churning out yet another really dull post.

To liven things up, I will end with a Christmas song I wrote about my dog, Tabby. Tabby likes to hear me sing; she wags her tail when I do. Sing this to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas.” You can insert your own dog’s name if you like.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
She’s the best dog of the year
She’s so sweet,
Give her a treat
And scratch behind her ear.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And when you walk down the street,
Let her sniff,
She’ll take a whiff
And pet the dogs you’ll meet.

Oh Ho, Tabby’s so
Cute and sweet and nice!
She’ll wag her tail for you (so)
Rub her belly twice!

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And in case you didn’t hear
Oh, dag nab it Have a Happy Tabby Christmas this year!

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Desperate Times Call for Lame Measures

Posted on December 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

If ever I was in need of Lame Post Friday, today is the day.

For those of you just tuning in (I know I say this almost every week, but I believe I do occasionally have new readers), Lame Post Friday is the day I let myself off the hook with random observations and half-baked philosophy. It’s actually reprehensible of me, because I let myself off the hook on many occasions: Middle-aged Musings Monday, Wrist to Forehead Sunday, Non Sequitur Thursday (although I’ve only had one of those so far). Even Running Commentary Saturday is a little, dare I say, lame.

In my defense, I don’t always use these handy little hide-behinds. If I have something to write about, I write about it. In my further defense, I sometimes get a lot of “likes” on these silly posts.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I’m going to post every day, some of the posts are going to be lame. One might argue (you know, that one that’s always ready to argue. I hate that one): so don’t post every day! Wait till you have something to say! I think I’ve had that argument in this space before. So sorry to repeat myself.

It is pouring rain out (random observation #1). This is sad news for me and for the blog, because I was going to go to a tree lighting in Weller Park in Mohawk tonight. It would have made a great post tomorrow (or do I flatter myself?)! Hmm, guess it’s time for some half-baked philosophy about how it’s OK, because…

I got nuthin’. This is it folks: a short post, one random observation. I’ll do one thing. I’ll save this as a draft and post it after I eat. Maybe something will occur to me while I dine.

NOTE: Nothing occurred to me. But I did have some Heidleberg Bread, baked right here in Herkimer, NY from local ingredients. My Mohawk Valley Girl cred survives.

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I Suppose It Actually Is Friday

Posted on November 24, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Really, Wednesday was my Friday this week, but I didn’t post lame then, so I thought, “Hey! I can have Lame Post Friday today!”

As soon as I wrote that, I felt sure that some pedantic person out there is saying, “Stop with the ‘my Friday,’ ‘Not Really Friday’ already! Wednesday is Wednesday! Friday is Friday! And nobody wants to read your lame posts anyways!”

OK, it’s not some generic pedantic person out there, it is one of the many critics in my head. The fact is I don’t have a damn thing to write about and I want to make this post so I can get on to the sitting on the couch watching cheesy movies portion of my day. Well, that’s not really true. I have a few subjects, but the fact is I have not written about them.

“So write about them now!” says the little voice in my head that thinks everything is just so easy. The bastard.

Sometimes the act of writing begets more writing. You get just one sentence or phrase or even word down on the paper and others follow. Some days, not so much. You get one word. Gritting your teeth, you make it a phrase. Straining to keep your fingers from the backspace button, you make it a sentence. Then the little voice in your head says, “Nobody wants to read that crap!”

And that’s where I’m at now. Seriously, I just erased three sentences before leaving “And that’s where I’m at now.”

Earlier I went up the attic and found our Christmas CDs. Before that I was at Hannaford, where I purchased some Bigelow Oolong Tea, of which I am sipping a cup. It tastes so good, I wish I could write a whole blog post just on that. Mostly I wish I could just sit and sip it and enjoy the GRP Christmas Collection which is currently playing.

And really, why not (stand by for a foray into a Middle-aged Musing)? It is the Friday of my four day weekend. Yesterday was a holiday. I worked hard all last week and weekend. I am now going to relax.

And tomorrow I will write a better blog post for your delectation. I hope.

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But It’s Not Really Friday!

Posted on November 17, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I don’t like to do Lame Post Friday when I have to work on Saturday. Lame Post Friday is my fun, relaxed post which I make in anticipation of the weekend. For those of you just tuning in, it usually involves random observations and half-baked philosophy.

BUT I don’t think Friday is really a Friday when somebody (me) has foolishly agreed to work BOTH weekend days. What was I thinking? Oh, I know what I was thinking: I was thinking make some more money and let the manager think I’m a team player, that’s what I was thinking. Let’s just leave that alone, shall we?

I’ve been having a fairly stressful week. Today, as I was feeling bad about the most recent stupid mistake I just made (never mind what it was; take my work for it, it was STUPID), the phrase occurred to me, “It’s not the end of the world.”

What a useless thing to say! I wanted to answer myself, “OF COURSE it’s not the end of the blankety-blank world! If it was the end of the blankety-blank world, I wouldn’t worry about it! NOTHING matters at the end of the blankety-blank world! This sucks BECAUSE it’s not the end of the blankety-blank world!”

Then I thought, “This might be some good half-baked philosophy for Lame Post Friday. Too bad it’s not really a Friday and I don’t intend to do a Lame Post.” I actually don’t know what I thought I was going to write about, but I entered my day determined not to write a Friday Lame Post.

As I worked, I continued to half-bakedly philosophize about things people say to make you feel better and how ridiculous some of them are. I pondered: are these people sincerely trying to make you feel better or are they just spouting platitudes to make themselves feel superior? A little of both? I reached no definitive conclusion, but did not worry too much about that, because, as I said, it’s not Lame Post Friday.

And then I realize, it’s after 6 p.m. I have to get to bed at a reasonable hour. I’d like a glass of wine. I can’t think of another damn thing to do than to write some kind of Lame Post.

So here you have it. Almost 400 words of Lame It’s Not Really Friday Post. I have, in fact, a good blog post to write for tomorrow, and I hope to do at least a couple more blogworthy things. Stay tuned, I may be less lame in the near future. Happy Friday.

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Wrist to Aching Forehead

Posted on November 12, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I checked. A mere three days ago I did a lame post about Why I Can’t Write a Post Today. It’s really too soon for another. Then again, it is Wrist to Forehead Sunday. And I have a headache. I want to write this post and not have it hanging over me for the rest of my day.

I don’t actually have a wrist to my forehead. For one thing, I don’t like to type with only one hand. I learned the two-hands-don’t-look-at-them method back in high school and I still find it fun and a little fascinating. Sometimes I just love to feel my fingers going to the right letters in rapid succession.

I really love writing a blog. It makes me write every day, and I love to write. And it is extremely easy to write. I don’t have to worry about what might this character do next, have I included enough clues but hidden them cleverly enough, is this what the teacher really wanted in answer to the essay question (oh yeah, like I ever worried about that one!)?

Some might say it is lazy, self-indulgent and not real writing (whatever that is). I say, oh, be quiet, it’s fun! You don’t have to read it. (Actually, I think it is the critic in my head who said it and she in fact does have to read it, because she is in my head and I’m reading it. I may have voices in my head, but I am not completely disassociative.)

Now I am being silly (say it ain’t so!). I intend to post this then go begin a marathon of watching old movies I can write blog posts about. When Steven comes home we may have a Mohawk Valley adventure that I can also write a blog post about. If only my headache goes away.

Let’s just chalk up today to another Blogger’s Sick Day. As usual, I will try again tomorrow. Thanks for reading!

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In My Defense… I Have No Defense

Posted on November 9, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was totally going to have a Wuss Out Wednesday yesterday. Then I recklessly told everyone at Curves that I was going to write about voting. True, none of those women read my blog and so would not know if I reneged. Still, it seemed a perfectly good blog topic with an expiration date. I went for it.

So now here I am on Thursday with no name for a stupid post (too late for Middle-aged Musings Monday, too early for Lame Post Friday) and no post other than the one I have written many times before (but with variations, or do I flatter myself?) about Why I Can’t Write a Blog Post Today.

I have the Overtime Blues at work. On the brighter side, this leads to the Payday Greens, which in turn helps Financial Condition Red. Just to use a little colorful language, which they say goes over well in the blogosphere.

With the Overtime Blues comes not much time and being too tired for Mohawk Valley adventures. Last night I attended a meeting of the Board of Directors for Ilion Little Theatre. Not so blogworthy. Tonight I have a pick-up rehearsal for Strike Story, followed on Friday and Saturday by performances of same. Blogworthy, but I’ve written about it before. What else can I say? Perhaps I will think of something for tomorrow, so my Friday post will not be lame.

I could blather on… who am I kidding? No I can’t. I am out of words about having no words. But I am over 250 words, which I consider sufficient to call it a post. I have to go find some black pantyhose for my play. Hope to see you Friday.

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Tribulations of a Theatre Junkie

Posted on November 4, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is a Wrist to Forehead Sunday post. Seriously, I have spent at least portions of the last three days inclined to burst into tears at the slightest provocation, and, really, I must admit, the provocations in my life are slight. I really do have a pretty good life: like my job OK, love my husband, have a great dog. And yet, it’s just not easy being me.

I think I mentioned in a previous post being a theatre junkie. Some people might use a less polite word for it, but I think junkie works just fine, thank you. I became secretary of Ilion Little Theatre Club, pretty much because somebody asked me to. I am in two performances of Strike Story next weekend, just because somebody asked me to. And I have been at the theatre for the past two days and will be there this afternoon, because… if you guessed somebody asked me to, YOU’RE WRONG! Nobody asked me to! I volunteered!

Some people would say it is not a wrist to forehead situation when it is your own stupid fault, but I disagree.

I am at the theatre to sell memberships and subscriptions. Last night I also attempted to sell raffle tickets. We are raffling four tickets for our next show. I am, unfortunately, the opposite of a salesperson. I think I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing: I smile, I tell the people what we’re offering, I tell them the price. They say, “No! In fact, you should pay me five bucks for standing here listening to you!”

OK, that’s not really true. People are very polite, and some of them did buy the tickets.

It’s really not that bad of a gig. I don’t know why my wrist is anywhere near my forehead over it, unless it’s that I have nothing to wear. Or that I would really rather be home in sweats, crocheting and watching crime shows on a Sunday. Or that right now it is hanging over my head: I have to be there in two hours. I have to shower. I have to get my stuff together. I ought to be taking care of a few more chores before I go… Oh yes, the wrist is on the forehead.

Well, it’s yet another post for the sake of posting something. I’m not even apologizing for them any more. Oh, well, maybe once more: I’m sorry to post lame again. I’ll try again tomorrow.

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Off the Lame Cuff

Posted on October 27, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So Wednesday I never wrote my blog post till after 6:30 at night and I sat at the computer and wrote it off the cuff, and I got eight likes. Can I get away with it again today? I sure hope so.

In my defense (guess I can’t get away with using that in the headline twice, can I?), it is Lame Post Friday. And I was still studying my lines from the play. I came up with some half-baked philosophy while I was at work. If only I could remember any of it.

Here is a random observation: I saw a little dog pee on one of those blow-up Halloween decorations. It was a great big old spider with four giant purple and black legs creating an arch with its body. The arch was right over the people’s front walk, but they had caution tape around it so apparently nobody was supposed to walk underneath the arch. As Steven and I drove by it tonight, their cute little dog walked right up to and lifted his leg.

“That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in several weeks,” I said.

Actually, I made myself laugh at work today. Bill was looking for Ed, but I had not seen him.

“He did not share with me his plans,” I said, because, you know, that’s how I talk sometimes.

Then Ed came back and asked where Bill was.

“He’s looking for you,” I said. “And I said, ‘How the hell do I know where Ed is? He goes where he wants to go! He don’t tell me nuthin’!'”

“Well, where’s Jeff?” Jeff is the boss.

“How the hell do I know where Jeff is? He goes where he wants to go! He don’t tell me nuthin’!”

“Where’s Hal?” He only asked because he knew where this was going.

After I wrote the preceding, I went back and changed all the names, to protect the innocent. In fact, my name is now Evelyn (cue the jokes on whether or not I’m innocent).

I note with some satisfaction that I am over 300 words. A lame post? Assuredly, but it is Friday after all. Amusing? Well, it amused me, so at least one of us is happy. Hope to see you Saturday.

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