Category Archives: lame

Back in the Lame

Posted on March 3, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Lame Post Friday is back!

At least, I wish it were back. I sat in front of my notebook during three breaks at work and did not write a damn thing worth typing in here. Mostly I stared at a blank sheet of paper and said, “Oh dear” (a favorite saying of mine and my mother’s). I wrote a paragraph, then crossed it out with a giant X. Then a sentence. Same thing. The next break I turned the page, wrote a paragraph, then drew a careful line through it. Then a sentence. Same thing.

All day I had been alternately thinking of things I could write about and trying not to listen to the stupid voice in my head saying, “It’s too hard to post every day! Why did you say you’d post every day!” We’ve been through the post every day trauma. The bottom line is I said I’d do it for a year and I’m trying my best. I must say, it’s not usually too difficult to write SOMETHING, especially on a Lame Post Friday. And yet, today, thoughts eluded me.

In desperation I turned to a previous section of the notebook and continued writing notes on a murder mystery I’ve been moodling around with. I made a minor spectacle of myself in the break room by asking what digitalis is used for. I know it is a drug some people take for something and other people steal it and use it to poison people, but I can’t remember what it is prescribed for. Naturally I thought most people read Agatha Christie and might remember such a detail. I did not mention all that about poison and Agatha Christie, though; I just asked about digitalis.

One fellow said he thought it might make you fall asleep. “Anything with “alice” in it,” he said. “You know, like Alice in Wonderland.”

“It’s spelled differently,” I said, spelling it for him.

Somebody else suggested it was something to make your fingers fall asleep, a reasonable extrapolation, I thought. I said I’d look it up, and the subject was dropped. I have not looked it up yet, although that would probably be a good thing to include in this post. Ah, it is a cardiac stimulant made from foxglove (Steven keeps a dictionary by the computer).

I guess that is my story for Friday. Suitably lame, I suppose. So that makes my headline not a lie (I thought up the headline before I wrote the piece). I’ll write another post tomorrow, and I’ll try to have a Mohawk Valley adventure for the occasion.

Leave a comment

Posted in blogging, humor, lame, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

Mid-Week Middle-aged Musings

Posted on February 16, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

It was Wednesday when I realized I had completely missed Middle-aged Musings Monday. Cue jokes about Middle-aged Memory (I can’t remember any myself).

Part of my problem is that I worked last weekend (both days) and plan to work this weekend (at least one day), so the days of the week are kind of melding together into one long, tired lump. But I’ve blogged about the Overtime Blues before; I don’t think I have anything new to say at this time (although I expect to feel less blue about it when I get my paycheck).

Another problem is that, being middle-aged as I am, time seems to move a lot quicker than it ever used to. Was it Monday again already? And yet, at some points of the day, time moves as slow as ever, as in, isn’t it lunch time yet? Come to think of it, when Friday means something to me, it seems to get here awfully slowly as well. So forget that time moving quickly thing; I don’t know where I was going with that anyways. My sister Diane says time is relative, but not our relative. So you see.

Well, there were two time related musings (just to review, as an aid to my Middle-aged Memory). Anything else about time while we’re on the subject? My watch is set on military time. I don’t know why I like to do that, since to this day I look at 17:52 and have to think, “OK that’s 5:52.” This isn’t just since the army. I’ve been using military time since my first horrible job at Burger King in the early ’80s (that’s 1980s, wise ass). The time clock was military. Wow, that was a long time ago (another timely observation).

I’m thinking some readers may find this a lame post and protest, “Hey! It’s not Friday yet!” I say, don’t remind me, especially since Friday won’t really be Friday till next Friday (see Overtime Blues, above). However, that being the case, I may not be into Lame Post Friday in two days. I’m thinking I didn’t do a Lame Post Friday last Friday either (see Middle-aged Memory, above). So think of this as your little helping of Lame for the week. Happy Wednesday.

Leave a comment

Posted in age, commentary, humor, lame, time. Bookmark the permalink.

Lame with a Chance of Meatballs

Posted on January 21, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I wrote my post the other day about “Souped Up Sunday,” I originally included some discussion about frozen vs. homemade meatballs. I cut it out for length considerations (it was a long post, even forgetting to mention the frozen spinach as I did), but I thought the subject worthy of consideration, especially on a Friday.

You may notice I took today’s title from a movie, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I thought that was the best title I had ever heard (even including Snakes on a Plane) and wished I has come up with it myself. I never watched movie, because I was fairly certain I would be disappointed and because I don’t dig computer animation. But I digress.

I never used to purchase pre-made frozen meatballs, but some people swear by them. Some people scorn to make homemade meatballs. It’s too much trouble, they say. Some of them say it in a superior tone of voice. As if they have much better things to do with their time and I am obviously a pathetic twerp with nothing else to do but sit around rolling ground beef and bread crumbs. Hmmm. Now that I write it, I wonder if they were really being all that superior or if I paranoidly read the insult into their perfectly innocent words. Could I need therapy?

I personally love homemade meatballs, if they are made well. My Mom makes the best meatballs. My meatballs and my sisters’ meatballs are all pretty good, since we learned from the best. That said, I appreciate the frozen kind for certain recipes.

Now I suppose that other readers (like I have that many) are huffing about, telling whoever is handy that they scorn to buy the frozen meatballs. What recipes could possibly benefit from the store-bought garbage, they ask. They always make their own and they make very good meatballs, thank you very much. I don’t know where I got all these superior readers with their superior cooking methods. My imagination, probably.

Let us consider the humble meatball. I make mine with ground beef, Italian bread crumbs, grated Parmesan cheese, egg, garlic and spices. I either bake them or fry them before adding them to the sauce or soup. Some restaurants do not have good meatballs. They give you a ball of hamburger. What’s that all about? Put some stuff in it or buy the frozen!

I forgot where I was going with all this. Oh yeah, Lame Post Friday. I hope I have entertained. See you Saturday!

Leave a comment

Posted in cooking, food, humor, lame. Bookmark the permalink.

Bear with Me

Posted on January 14, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This has been a kind of a Week of Lame. I even called a post Mid-Week Lame, and, come on, a post about my drive into work? But now it’s Friday when I’m allowed to be lame. Some might argue that I have used up my weekly allotment. To that person, I would explain, “Shut up” (with thanks to SJ Perelman and if you don’t know that one, ask me and I will give you a polite explanation).

Wow, it’s easy to write! Look how much I just now sat down and wrote. Why do I sometimes have problems with these blog posts? But I digress.

I thought of the title “Bear with Me” earlier in the week when I had nary an idea for a blog post. Then I thought, “I could even say I saw a bear on the way home from work. Get it? Bear with me!” And that made me think of the Dr. Seuss book To Think that I Saw it on Mulberry Street.

“That’s the ticket,” I thought. “I can come up with all kinds of things. I’ll never lack a blog post again!”

Then I thought about how the story ended and I thought, “Never mind.” I won’t expound on that, though, in case you haven’t read the story. I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you. By the way, if you haven’t read it, what are you thinking? Get yourself to your local library and read every Dr. Seuss story they have. You won’t be sorry.

I can talk about how the story begins. The narrator, walking home from school, observes a not very exciting horse and wagon on Mulberry Street. Well, here is where I differ from that young man. I think a horse and wagon is a fine thing to notice and talk about, even if you might see one every day (not so usual these days, of course, although I do see the occasional Amish buggy). Or for example a pick up truck and little red car, which I in fact did talk about yesterday.

So no bears on the way home. I believe they are not indigenous to the Mohawk Valley. No horse and wagon either, nor yet an Amish buggy. In other words, I’m low on random observations. What’s the other component of Lame Post Friday? Ah yes, half baked philosophy. Well, I think I covered that with my contention that a plain horse and wagon is a fine thing to blog about.

I think that’s that. As soon as I type this in and hit “publish,” it’s wine o’clock. Happy Friday, everyone.

2 Comments

Posted in blogging, commentary, half baked philosophy, humor, lame, random observations, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

Mid-Week Lame

Posted on January 11, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’ve said that I don’t get Writer’s Block so much as Writer’s Blank. That is, I sit staring at the page or computer screen and think, “I got nuthin’.” Well, now I have something new and I don’t have a name for it.

I sit down and write a paragraph. Bing, no problem. Then I look at it and say, “That’s dumb. Nobody wants to read that. Erase that and write something else.”

This can go on for several paragraphs. Sometimes I erase it (or cross it out if I’m writing). Sometimes I let it stand, because if you read these things later, they often don’t look so bad.

The problem is, while it is standing there, I don’t feel like writing anything else. It’s like I just ate something that didn’t taste good and I don’t want to take another bite. If I erase it, I can usually write another paragraph which I immediately erase. I really don’t like doing that. Suppose the paragraph was perfectly all right? Now I’ll never know.

I must say, I’m not having a very good time writing this, and that is sad, because usually I enjoy the act of writing. Usually, once I get over the Blank and write a paragraph, I write another paragraph and so on till I have a blog post. Today I’m writing another paragraph and trying really really hard not to erase it.

Oh, it is a bad day for Mohawk Valley Girl.

I feel really bad making this post today (Tuesday) because I feel it is really lame, and we all know Friday is the day for lame posts. All I can do is (once again) apologize, and try again tomorrow. My reasoning (once again) is that if I’m going to make a blog post every day, some of them are bound to be lame.

Hit publish quick before I erase this whole thing!

2 Comments

Posted in blogging, humor, lame, Uncategorized, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

Words on Lame Post Friday

Posted on December 31, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I felt relieved last night when I realized today would be Lame Post Friday. But I’ve spent the morning and most of the afternoon realizing: you still need words to make a blog post.

Words, words, words… Nonchalant is my favorite word. It means to be cool, and it sounds cool when you say it. Really, as a word, it has everything.

OK, that was one word. Let’s see if I can come up with another.

My husband, Steven, heard on the news this morning that one of the most overused words of 2011 was amazing. THANK YOU!!! If I hear one more person, experience or anything described as amazing, I may scream. EEEEEEEEEE! In fact, I screamed just now thinking about it. Most of the things that are described as amazing are really not. I won’t quote the dictionary here, because that really is lame, but if you are amazed, you are dazed, bewildered, you just can’t believe it. You stop and stare at something that is amazing. There are no words.

Ooh, here’s a random observation: “there are no words” is an oxymoron, because “there are no words” are, in fact, all words. It will be a truly unusual situation if I have no words. My husband is still searching for just such a situation.

Where was I? Ah yes, Words on Lame Post Friday (ooh, that would make a good title). How about the word “word?” What exactly does that mean? Sometimes I hear a young person say in a solemn tone, “Word,” usually in reply to something somebody else said. I believe it signifies agreement of no common order. If so, I think I like it.

And here’s something else about words: Sometimes I use a word and somebody asks me what it means. I tell them a synonym and they say, aggrieved, “Why didn’t you just say that?” Because I didn’t mean that. Actually, there are very few true synonyms. Most words have shades of meaning. I don’t like to say “green” when I mean “teal.” I was once expounding about this to an annoying person (I have many annoying friends and acquaintances; no doubt they find me annoying too) (that could be a whole other Lame Friday Post). I said, “A word means what I used it to mean.” And he said, “Yeah, can’t they tell by the context what it means?” as if he knew exactly what I was talking about. That is not what I was talking about. I don’t expect people to magically know words they don’t know because I said them. I’m good, but I’m not that good.

Well, I’ve babbled on for over 400 words, and I think I’ve gotten fairly silly. Happy Friday, everybody.

6 Comments

Posted in blogging, humor, lame, words. Bookmark the permalink.

A Stroll Down Memory Lame

Posted on December 23, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have Friday off, and you know what that means: Lame Post Thursday! Full disclosure: I’m actually writing this on Wednesday. I have absolutely no idea what to write for my Wednesday post, but I have some very silly ideas I feel like writing now. Ideas silly enough to only be used for a Lame Post.

(Anyways, I like to get a post ahead when I can, because then I can work on my novel during breaks at work. When you write in a notebook on break at work, someone often says, “Are you writing a book?” It’s fun to say yes once in a while.)

Today I have a couple of childhood memories I’d like to share. The other day, for reasons not worth mentioning, the following song started playing in my head:

Party Pooper!
Party Pooper!
Every party needs a pooper
that’s why we invited YOU!

You sing the last two lines really fast and shout the word YOU while pointing at whoever you are making fun of. We thought it was a very hilarious song, because we did not know what a party pooper was. We thought it was somebody who pooped at a party.

Like many small children, we thought poop was funny.

I think it was my sister Cheryl who earned the reputation as a first class wit for another song. We had heard the song, “I dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair.” That was, in fact, all we knew of it. I remember thinking it was odd, because I used to watch I Dream of Jeannie, and I knew Jeannie had blond hair. It was also strange to me to think there could be a girl named Jeannie who was not actually a genie. But I digress.

Cheryl’s version of the song went, “I dream of Jeannie with the light pooped pants.” It usually took two or three tries for any of us to sing it without breaking into uncontrollable giggles at the words “pooped pants.” I confess to having a smile on my face as I write this (let my co-workers in the break room make of that what they may).

Well, that was fun to write. Now whatever will I come up with for Wednesday? (As an aside: I did come up with something for Wednesday, and I did work on my novel on breaks at work today. Fun times.)

Leave a comment

Posted in humor, lame, memories. Bookmark the permalink.

Preview of Coming Attractions

Posted on December 11, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m only up to kind of a lame post today. Sad but true. I know yesterday was Lame Post Friday, but that post was actually kind of effortful to write (my computer tells me effortful is not a word, but I find it descriptive). Then I did not do much Mohawk Valley-ish that evening (it’s telling me the same thing about Valley-ish, but again: descriptive). I went to a wine tasting at Vintage Spirits, but we had a post about one of those less than a month ago. The tasting did have one feature of note, though.

After I’d been tasting and chatting for a little while, another nice lady showed up, quite ready for some wine. She said she had been pricing things for the Humane Society Garage Sale on Saturday. We all agreed she deserved some wine and made some recommendations of the samples available (actually, they were all pretty good). I mentioned that I intended to come to the Garage Sale, and the lady encouraged me to do so.

“My husband and I went last year and it was great,” I told her (pre-blog days). “This year, he has to work, but he specifically wanted me to go.”

I actually had/have many plans for Saturday (I’m in the midst of them as I write this). I plan to go to the store to purchase a ….. to make a …. for my Mom for Christmas (she doesn’t usually read my blog, but just in case she does); I want to go to breakfast at the Snack Shack; there is the aforementioned Garage Sale; and I hope to purchase and erect a Christmas tree. Oh, and I may go running and of course take Tabby for at least one walk. Lots on my plate!

And the one thing I must always do is make my blog post, at least till I have done one every day for a year. So here is my blog post for today. I hope to recount some of my exciting adventures tomorrow.

Leave a comment

Posted in lame. Bookmark the permalink.

Snowman Philosophy

Posted on December 10, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I ended yesterday’s post with a philosophical question to ponder another day. And here we are on Lame Post Friday, the day for random observations and — wait for it — half baked philosophy (I have wanted to use “wait for it” in a sentence ever since the Rob Lowe character used in on West Wing back in the early ’00s; an ambition realized).

So I’ve been wanting this plastic light up snowman for my front lawn. Judging from recent blog posts, it has become something of an obsession, although I prefer the term quest. Before anybody organizes an intervention, let me assure you: I do not spend every waking minute plotting where to look next for my plastic light up snowman. I’m having fun with it. And I am especially amused by the fact that it was Steven who originally wanted to get a plastic light up snowman and I have kind of taken it over (kind of emblematic of our marriage; I usually get the last cup of coffee, too).

A few philosophical question are raised by our search. And I do need to have a literal moment here and ask, wouldn’t even a half baked philosophy melt a snowman? I’ll just have to take that chance.

The first question is: would we have wanted it so badly if it was readily available? When Steven first brought it up and I liked the idea, we thought we could drive down to our local Wal-Mart or K-Mart and be plugging in Mr. Snowman within the hour. As we checked store after store to no avail, an obsession was born. I think this is a dumb philosophical question, because you can’t possibly arrive at an answer. Oh wait, I think that is the definition of a philosophical question. I don’t know from philosophy. That’s why mine are always half baked.

The second question, which I may find out the answer to so I guess that makes it not philosophical, is will I like my plastic light up snowman as much after I get him as I think I will. I’m inclined to say yes. After all, I still love my plastic light up Santa, and he was no trouble at all.

The third question, and this is where things get a little hairy, is do I really even want a plastic light up snowman any more, or do I want to keep searching and blogging about it? I have to admit, it’s kind of fun to have an obsession — uh, I mean a quest. And as I am ever searching for blog topics, it’s kind of a God send (I see by the dictionary the proper spelling is godsend, but my way seems more respectful). Well, I think that’s kind of selling myself short to even ask that. It’s like saying I don’t even know what I want, and sometimes I do.

I suppose I could go into a whole big thing about how the journey is the destination, or the search is more important than the object, or some such, but I’m really not very good at that sort of thing. Actually, as I write this, I’m beginning to suspect I’m not so good at the half baked philosophies, either. Oh well, next Lame Post Friday I’ll confine myself to random observations. In the meantime, I’ve got big plans for a Mohawk Valley weekend, so stay tuned (an anachronistic expression, but I like it). Happy Friday!

Leave a comment

Posted in Christmas, decorations, half baked philosophy, humor, lame, snowman. Bookmark the permalink.

Better Lame than Never

Posted on December 3, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought of that headline two days ago, and I still don’t know what I’m going to write.

Oh dear, here’s an odd thing. Usually once I put pen to paper, words just magically come out. Today not so much. A similar thing happened yesterday. A short post was the result. Not that that’s a bad thing.

I won’t say I’ve got Writer’s Block. For one thing, it’s more like Writer’s Blank. I’ll never forget one time in a restaurant I was reading a book called On Writer’s Block by Victoria Nelson (Houghton Mifflin, 1993) (A really good book, by the way). This kind of scummy looking older woman asked me why I was reading it and I, rather stupidly (I admit), said it was because I had writer’s block.

“The cure for writer’s block is to write,” she said in a smug tone of voice. “You just write.”

To this day I wish I had said, “How many books have you written?” in a respectful, interested tone of voice. I’m thinking she wrote a lot of stupid journals and bad poetry. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that; I write stupid journals and bad poetry myself. It can be fun. But it’s nothing to be smug about.

And that brings me to another memory of a writer (thinking of bad poetry, not being smug). When I was in college about a hundred years ago, I noticed that the school paper often printed poems by this girl whose name now escapes me. I did not admire her poetry. It was the kind of stuff many of us wrote when we were young: basically our thoughts, feelings or observations with the line breaks in poetry-like places. Full disclosure: I wrote quite a bit of it myself. I was not as prolific as this girl, but I thought my stuff was better (it probably wasn’t but as I have no examples of either to hand I can’t say which was worse).

Eventually I met the girl. She was so nice! And very cool, a definite personality. I certainly did not tell her I didn’t like her poetry. That wouldn’t be nice, and after all, it’s all a matter of taste. And it may have led her to say something disparaging about mine. When poetry came up, she said, “Oh, I write all the time. Journals and journals, poems and poems.” I don’t remember the exact quote, but I’m pretty sure of the phrase “journals and journals.” It impressed me. I had never been able to stick with writing a journal (journaling wasn’t a verb in those days, and it was a good decade and a half before the TV Journal). Prolificness always impresses me (I don’t think prolificness is really a word, but you know what I mean). I strive for it and always fall short.

But here is an encouraging thought for me: I am approaching 200 blog posts. That means I have written something every day for almost 200 days. Perhaps I could become prolific in my old age, or maybe even my middle age (where I am now, I think). Even though some of my posts have been pretty lame (Lame Post Friday, anyone?). Now how do you like that? By babbling on and following my stream of consciousness (babbling brook of consciousness?), I’ve come right back and made my silly headline appropriate. Bring on the weekend!

2 Comments

Posted in humor, lame, writing. Bookmark the permalink.
← Older Posts
Newer Posts →