Category Archives: writing

In My Defense, Here’s a Song

Posted on December 15, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not write my Friday Lame Post while at work today. What a surprise. I’ve had good luck with writing off the cuff before, I even had a few ideas banging around in my head (they bounce off the thick skull).

And here I am, with nothing coming off my cuffs (I have four of them, too, two per arm since I’m wearing a turtleneck and a sweatshirt). Why, oh why did I not write during my lunch?

I seem to recall trying that writing thing of having a designated writing time. Even if you just sit there staring at the blank page, this method goes, you sit there just in case. And sometimes something happens. My designated time was my lunch half hour at work. I seemed to get some stuff written, except on my husband’s days off. Then I would call him and talk. I think it’s important to talk to your husband.

Today, however, my little rebellious streak made itself felt.

“I don’t follow common wisdom!” my rebellious streak said. “They say don’t weigh yourself every day: I weigh myself every day! And I’m losing weight! They say just sit there even if you’re not writing. I’m not going to just sit there! So there!”

So I read this really good book. In my defense, the book is letters and diaries written around the time I’ve set the novel I’m working on. So you could categorize it as research. Or you can just shake your finger at me and say, “Next time you’ll know better: write during your designated time!”

That is so easy to say to somebody else. It’s even easy to say to myself when I am not actually doing it. It is extremely easy to sit here and resolve: from now on I will write during my lunch half hour at work (except on Steven’s days off). Doesn’t do me a whole lot of good as I’m sitting here churning out yet another really dull post.

To liven things up, I will end with a Christmas song I wrote about my dog, Tabby. Tabby likes to hear me sing; she wags her tail when I do. Sing this to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas.” You can insert your own dog’s name if you like.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
She’s the best dog of the year
She’s so sweet,
Give her a treat
And scratch behind her ear.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And when you walk down the street,
Let her sniff,
She’ll take a whiff
And pet the dogs you’ll meet.

Oh Ho, Tabby’s so
Cute and sweet and nice!
She’ll wag her tail for you (so)
Rub her belly twice!

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And in case you didn’t hear
Oh, dag nab it Have a Happy Tabby Christmas this year!

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Desperate Times Call for Lame Measures

Posted on December 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

If ever I was in need of Lame Post Friday, today is the day.

For those of you just tuning in (I know I say this almost every week, but I believe I do occasionally have new readers), Lame Post Friday is the day I let myself off the hook with random observations and half-baked philosophy. It’s actually reprehensible of me, because I let myself off the hook on many occasions: Middle-aged Musings Monday, Wrist to Forehead Sunday, Non Sequitur Thursday (although I’ve only had one of those so far). Even Running Commentary Saturday is a little, dare I say, lame.

In my defense, I don’t always use these handy little hide-behinds. If I have something to write about, I write about it. In my further defense, I sometimes get a lot of “likes” on these silly posts.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I’m going to post every day, some of the posts are going to be lame. One might argue (you know, that one that’s always ready to argue. I hate that one): so don’t post every day! Wait till you have something to say! I think I’ve had that argument in this space before. So sorry to repeat myself.

It is pouring rain out (random observation #1). This is sad news for me and for the blog, because I was going to go to a tree lighting in Weller Park in Mohawk tonight. It would have made a great post tomorrow (or do I flatter myself?)! Hmm, guess it’s time for some half-baked philosophy about how it’s OK, because…

I got nuthin’. This is it folks: a short post, one random observation. I’ll do one thing. I’ll save this as a draft and post it after I eat. Maybe something will occur to me while I dine.

NOTE: Nothing occurred to me. But I did have some Heidleberg Bread, baked right here in Herkimer, NY from local ingredients. My Mohawk Valley Girl cred survives.

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To Tree Or Not To Tree

Posted on December 7, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I know in headlines you’re not supposed to capitalize “or” or “to” or little, unimportant words like that (although think how oddly that headline would read without them), but I thought “To Tree or Not to Tree” looked funny, too. What’s a blogger to do?

It is kind of an important point, because the headline is pretty much all I have today.

Wow, I just sat here staring at the screen for a good three or four minutes (felt like hours). This could be the shortest post yet!

I did try to write something under this title on a break at work today. Usually I can get at least a paragraph or two out of my silly dithering. I wrote something about waxing philosophical about Christmas trees. Then I got bogged down between saving the half-baked philosophy for Lame Post Friday and wanting to make a play on words about waxing things.

I said to hell with this, wrote another page on my novel, and thought I would trust to writing on the fly. It’s worked before.

First Steven and I had to do some Christmas shopping. I have mentioned that he works at a certain big box store which needs no publicity from Mohawk Valley Girl. Well, he qualified for a sweet 20 percent off voucher, good today or tomorrow only, for one shopping trip. We filled a cart! And don’t think that didn’t entail a lot of dithering!

Shopping on a Thursday night in December. What the hell was I thinking? As I threaded my way around people and carts, saying, “Pardon me, excuse me, pardon me,” this chick who worked there barged by me saying “EXCUSE ME!” in a loud voice, as if I was the one standing in the middle of the aisle holding things up!

Other than that little annoyance, though, it was pretty fun. Most people were at least polite if not good-natured about it. At one point, as I was hustling back to toiletries while Steven completed looking for groceries, I got the giggles. It happens to me in bad weather, sometimes it happens to me in crowds. I seem to remember it happened at the Boilermaker more than once.

And what has this to do with “To Tree or Not to Tree,” you may ask. I bet you think I’m going to explain, “Shut up.” But no, I will answer: NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

And just like that, a new feature is born for Mohawk Valley Girl: Non Sequitur Thursday. Hope you enjoyed it.

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I Suppose It Actually Is Friday

Posted on November 24, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Really, Wednesday was my Friday this week, but I didn’t post lame then, so I thought, “Hey! I can have Lame Post Friday today!”

As soon as I wrote that, I felt sure that some pedantic person out there is saying, “Stop with the ‘my Friday,’ ‘Not Really Friday’ already! Wednesday is Wednesday! Friday is Friday! And nobody wants to read your lame posts anyways!”

OK, it’s not some generic pedantic person out there, it is one of the many critics in my head. The fact is I don’t have a damn thing to write about and I want to make this post so I can get on to the sitting on the couch watching cheesy movies portion of my day. Well, that’s not really true. I have a few subjects, but the fact is I have not written about them.

“So write about them now!” says the little voice in my head that thinks everything is just so easy. The bastard.

Sometimes the act of writing begets more writing. You get just one sentence or phrase or even word down on the paper and others follow. Some days, not so much. You get one word. Gritting your teeth, you make it a phrase. Straining to keep your fingers from the backspace button, you make it a sentence. Then the little voice in your head says, “Nobody wants to read that crap!”

And that’s where I’m at now. Seriously, I just erased three sentences before leaving “And that’s where I’m at now.”

Earlier I went up the attic and found our Christmas CDs. Before that I was at Hannaford, where I purchased some Bigelow Oolong Tea, of which I am sipping a cup. It tastes so good, I wish I could write a whole blog post just on that. Mostly I wish I could just sit and sip it and enjoy the GRP Christmas Collection which is currently playing.

And really, why not (stand by for a foray into a Middle-aged Musing)? It is the Friday of my four day weekend. Yesterday was a holiday. I worked hard all last week and weekend. I am now going to relax.

And tomorrow I will write a better blog post for your delectation. I hope.

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In My Defense… I Have No Defense

Posted on November 9, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was totally going to have a Wuss Out Wednesday yesterday. Then I recklessly told everyone at Curves that I was going to write about voting. True, none of those women read my blog and so would not know if I reneged. Still, it seemed a perfectly good blog topic with an expiration date. I went for it.

So now here I am on Thursday with no name for a stupid post (too late for Middle-aged Musings Monday, too early for Lame Post Friday) and no post other than the one I have written many times before (but with variations, or do I flatter myself?) about Why I Can’t Write a Blog Post Today.

I have the Overtime Blues at work. On the brighter side, this leads to the Payday Greens, which in turn helps Financial Condition Red. Just to use a little colorful language, which they say goes over well in the blogosphere.

With the Overtime Blues comes not much time and being too tired for Mohawk Valley adventures. Last night I attended a meeting of the Board of Directors for Ilion Little Theatre. Not so blogworthy. Tonight I have a pick-up rehearsal for Strike Story, followed on Friday and Saturday by performances of same. Blogworthy, but I’ve written about it before. What else can I say? Perhaps I will think of something for tomorrow, so my Friday post will not be lame.

I could blather on… who am I kidding? No I can’t. I am out of words about having no words. But I am over 250 words, which I consider sufficient to call it a post. I have to go find some black pantyhose for my play. Hope to see you Friday.

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Wrist to Forehead Walk

Posted on October 1, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am going to start a new feature and call it Wrist to Forehead Sunday (you know, that dramatic pose with a wrist to your forehead before you swoon from the stress). It seems I reach many Sundays convinced that I am utterly incapable of writing a decent blog post. Today I have at least three perfectly good Mohawk Valley topics to write on and I feel Blank. Rather than write yet another post about Why I Can’t Write a Post Today (which are, I guiltily admit, kind of fun to write), I dragged Steven and Tabby on a walk to the post office and I shall write about that.

To begin with I had written a letter to a friend (yes, I hand write letters which I send through the US Postal service and I delight in receiving one back). I had finished writing it earlier in the day, when I felt unable to write the blog post. I thought if I could write anything I could segue over. The segueing had not happened when Steven arrived home (I admit it: I had segued into doing a cryptogram puzzle in a puzzle book).

While he went up to look at the computer I had an inspiration that we would walk to the post office and I would write about that. First I had a Get Well card to write on Tabby’s behalf to a friend’s pet who is ailing. I wrote a letter from Tabby to Shadoe, utilizing the Historic Four Corners stationery I purchased at the Herkimer County Historical Society some time ago and had not used yet. I thought Tabby would appreciate having a letter from her written on stationery of one of her favorite places to walk.

We set out, walking down our street and admiring our neighbors’ Halloween decorations. One house had some cobwebs nicely covering the porch. I can never get those cobwebs spread out properly. They always bunch up. I pointed out to Steven some skeletons in a fishnet I had noticed earlier in the week.

We went through Myers Park to the post office. It had started to rain a little as we continued up Main Street. Steven put the hood of his jacket up, prompting Tabby to give him what I thought was a funny look. We bypassed the Historic Four Corners by going through a parking lot, in order to spend less time in the rain. This brought us out on Church Street, where I could show Steven the awesomely decorated house I had observed earlier.

They had added a coffin and more cobwebs. There were graves with a head and hand popping up I had not seen before, and some homemade graves I know were not there before. We pointed out to each other all the cool things, and I suggested we return for another walk after dark, because there are obviously things that light up.

After that it had stopped raining, so we continued up Prospect to German. We did not see any more Halloween decorations, but we observed a tree with some lovely orange leaves and a black cat on a porch. Nature’s own fall decor.

Well, I guess this turns out to be not a bad post after all. Or do I flatter myself? At any rate, I feel a lot less wrist to forehead now. See you on Middle-aged Musing Monday. Or Monster Movie Monday, depending on what I do for the rest of the day.

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Where’s That Wisdom?

Posted on September 11, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Middle-aged Musings Monday is supposed to be easy. My idea was to have another day where I could write any old thing and kind of let myself off the hook. Ease into the week, I believe I said in the premier Middle-aged Musings post. After all, sometimes it is enough effort to get through Monday at all, let alone entertain and inform. Ahem, I hoped to still entertain.

Can I just say, IT’S NOT WORKING!!! I have no musings, middle-aged or otherwise. And I have the worst case of Writer’s Blank I have suffered in a long time. I am also suffering from the related malady, Cross Out Or Erase Everything As Soon As I Write It. And I am composing at the computer, so no wide X’s I can just read around later and say, “Oh, that isn’t so bad.” When I erase it, it’s gone.

I had thought I could go running and blog about that (I won’t say “write about it,” because I cannot so dignify my meanderings today). I figured it would combine running commentary with middle-aged musings. I even had a title, “Musings on the Move.” I may have used that title before. I believe I have observed more than once: I am not above repeating myself.

I did run. The weather was nice and cool, although the sun came out near the end of the run and that was a little hot. It was no problem, really, since I did not run very far and I certainly did not run very fast. I thought if I wrote a blog post about it I could call it “Go Play in Traffic,” because there were a lot of cars on the road. I did not cross any busy streets.

I tried to muse as I ran, but I didn’t come up with anything. You know, I thought I was getting pretty old. Shouldn’t that wisdom thing have kicked in by now? There’s a musing for you, although I didn’t think of that while I was running; I thought of it just now as I was reflecting on how I couldn’t think of anything.

I see that I am over 300 words for today. A respectable post if only I would have thought of something intelligent to say. It seems I am always craving my readers’ indulgence as I write yet another stupid post. Oh well, they say no life is wasted because you can always stand as a bad example to others. If nothing else, you can look at this and say, “Huh. At least I didn’t write THAT!” Happy Monday.

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But I Like to Write

Posted on September 1, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not write my blog post while at work today. I worked on my novel. There, I’ve said it.

I don’t like to talk about the fact that I’m writing a novel. I’ve started too many novels and not finished them. I used to talk about my novels all the time. It was a mistake. I usually got a disgusted look and “That’s been done.” The worst (although I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way) was a friend who said I needed a Kilgore Trout. Kilgore Trout, if you did not know, was a Kurt Vonnegut character. Trout was a novelist, and Vonnegut would describe the books he wrote. In other words, I am only a fictional novelist.

It’s true, I suppose. I’ve written pages and pages of novels but only ever finished one. And it wasn’t very good. I know a lot of crap gets published. I know because I read some of it. Some of it I start reading and can’t finish because it’s too crappy and, as noted, I’m not hung up on finishing things. However, the crappiest novel published has one advantage over all but one of mine: it is finished.

This is not what I meant to write about. I set out to do a common or garden Friday Lame Post (“common or garden” is one of my favorite descriptive phrases). In the interests of accuracy, I like to say whether I write my post at work or compose it at the keyboard. So I suppose it was in the interests of accuracy that I blurted out the reason why I hadn’t written the post at work.

I don’t know why I should suddenly feel all exposed to my readers, like I’ve let fall some shameful secret. In the first place, many of my readers are my friends and family, who must surely know I have not given up on my dream of writing novels. And I am willing to bet that most bloggers are closet novelists (which is not quite the same thing as a real estate novelist, as sung about by Billy Joel). I like to think most people write a blog because they LIKE TO WRITE.

Ooh, there’s a bit of half-baked philosophy; maybe I can segue back into Lame Post Friday from here. Bloggers like to write. I like to write. However, I have seen quotes from writers (I’m a big one for reading collections of notable quotes) to the effect of: I hate to write but love to have written. I think I may have talked about this before. How lame is that, to repeat myself? I AM segueing back into Lame Post Friday!

Random observation (just to make my Lame Post Friday complete): it is a full moon tonight, the second full moon of August. Some say that makes it a blue moon, but there was some discussion on Facebook that what really makes a blue moon is four in one season. Huh? I’m not about to Google it and join in the fight.

I am about 500 words into the post and I have not yet reiterated for anyone unfamiliar with the term that Lame Post Friday is my day for random observations and half-baked philosophy. It is my day to Post Dumb if I feel like it. Guess I felt like it in spades today. Happy Friday, everyone.

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Lame Attempts

Posted on August 11, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So there I was at work, writing a blog post titled “Dithering over the DARE.” I am, of course, a past master of dithering. And then I didn’t like it.

I had intended to go running after work, despite the tremendous humidity, so I thought I might write about that. I even had a title picked out, “Oh, the Humidity.” You know, like that guy said, “Oh, the humanity!” during the Hindenberg disaster. Or is that being flippant about a tragedy? Could be, but I have several times seen and heard “Oh the humanity” used with ironic intent, so I think it is OK. But when I sat down at the computer, nothing.

I thought, “I can’t do ANOTHER post about not having anything to write about.” Then I thought, “Sure I can. It’s Lame Post Friday; I can do whatever I want.”

The reason I could not finish writing the first post is that I felt certain any number of people would tell me to stop being such a whiny baby or to quit rationalizing or some other rude, superior thing the people in my head can always come up with. I tend to spend a lot of time having imaginary conversations with people who criticize everything I do, say or think. In fact, as I write this, I can picture some snotty writer telling me I MUST silence the inner critic or I’ll NEVER be a writer. And somebody else telling me to quit complaining about it.

Huh. I bet neither one of them are published either.

And now I don’t like this post either. You know, I’m just not messing with it today. I’ll say something concrete instead: I was dithering about the DARE 5K because I have not been training as hard as I had intended to. Also, my running partner and cheering section have defected. After work today, I ran up the steep hill that is part of the DARE 5K course, in the steamy humidity. I made it, and the way back down was distinctly pleasant, what with gravity and the breeze picking up.

I think this has been the lamest Friday post yet. I don’t know whether to feel proud or sheepish. I’ll compromise on silly. See you Saturday.

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Second Verse, Same as the First

Posted on August 3, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is the second half of the post I started Thursday. I basically sat during the breaks at work and wrote whatever came to mind. That, of course, is what I usually do on Lame Post Friday.

I went through and typed in the best bits for Thursday’s post. I must say, I was having a harder time writing it than I normally do. Could it be because I was trying to do a Friday Lame Post on a Thursday? We may never know.

I’ve been reading a book about writing (I admit it: I read about writing more than I actually write): I’d Rather Be Writing by Marcia Golub (Writer’s Digest Books, Cincinnati, OH, 1999). Golub says you should schedule yourself time to write every day, say a half hour. If you sit there for a half hour and don’t write much, that’s OK. You still sit there and when your half hour is up you are free to do something else and Not Feel Guilty (yes, I had to capitalize it).

I write this because I was sitting here looking at a blank page and it was very detrimental to my self-esteem (I have a delicate self-esteem). But could sitting staring at a blank page be productive in some perverse way? Golub isn’t the only person to say this. Many writers say you have your scheduled time even if you just sit there. This is in fact my scheduled break, not my scheduled writing time. I don’t have a scheduled writing time. Perhaps that is part of my problem (I imagine there are many parts and/or I have a lot of problems).

One could argue (I don’t know who one is, but he or she is apparently capable of infinite argument) that my scheduled break time is my scheduled writing time. Well, all I can say is, perhaps it should be, because I had meant to spend my break chatting with my husband via cell phone. I had planned to write at noon.

And now it is noon (time lapse is so awkward in the written word), my regularly scheduled writing time (from now on). And I got nuthin’ but the feeling that I am trying to get away with entirely too many lame posts.

That is about as far as I got in the blog on my lunch. I would like to report, though, that the time was not wasted. I turned to a different page of my notebook and wrote a few more paragraphs on my novel. Then to two different pages yet and wrote some more dialogue on two different scenes for a murder mystery I’m writing. So maybe this schedule thing works. I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, I’m over 400 words. Respectable if lame. Happy Friday, everyone.

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