And How Do You Feel?

And now, a few words about depression. I guess I should rather say a few more words, since I have written about depression before. I’m not even sure I will say anything new, but I ask you to bear with me.

Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. I love the music, the decorations, giving presents, watching yet another version of “A Christmas Carol,” everything. And it makes me feel even worse when I am emphatically not inclined to enjoy any of it. What the hell, me?

It is not a constant feeling of sadness, so I have that going for me. But it does intrude at odd and increasingly frequent times. In addition to being uncomfortable, it makes it difficult to get Christmas stuff, as well as general life stuff, done.

The worst aspect of it is feeling that I am nothing but a whiny baby. Why can I not simply feel happy during what some have called the most wonderful time of the year? What is wrong with me?

I have read that gratitude is the cure for depression. It is impossible to feel depressed, one popular women’s magazine opined, when you are feeling grateful. All I can say is, if it is that easy for you, you indeed have something to be grateful for.

As for me, I DO count my blessings. Often it increases my depression, because I start feeling like an ungrateful wretch for feeling depressed in the face of such blessings. And now I also feel like a dull, redundant blogger, because I am sure I have expressed these thoughts before.

Finally I fall back on a thought which had helped me before: sometimes you just have to feel that way until you don’t feel that way any more.

In the meantime, I wanted to make a blog post, because I have not made one in a few days. I’m going to file this one under Wrist to Forehead Sunday and hold out for the next wave of Christmas spirit. As always, I hope You’ll stay tuned.