Category Archives: humor

Another Pedestrian Post

Posted on November 10, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

Tuesday Tabby and I walked to the post office with post cards. I did not allow myself to be distracted by television. I did not neglect to put my bra back on. So right away, I was doing better than the last walk to the post office (or worse, when you consider the bra thing was pretty comical to blog about). Still, the walk was not without its points of interest.

I rather blatantly wore a crazy old lady outfit. I kept on the BDU pants and bright orange shirt I had worn to work (I think they look nice together). I added a sweatshirt and changed my steel toed work shoes for comfy running shoes (purchased at The Sneaker Store in New Hartford, NY). I let Tabby jump and bark impatiently while I looked for my crazy old lady hat.

We used to have a neighbor who loved that hat. If she saw me and I did not have it on, she’d say, “Young lady, where’s your hat?” She moved out, but Steven ran into her at Wal-Mart the other day. She told him to tell me I’d better be wearing my hat. So you see.

We walked into the post office to mail the post cards. Nobody has ever yelled at me to get my dog out, so I guess it’s OK. She wanted to greet a lady who was buying stamps, but the lady did not seem interested.

Since Tabby had been nice enough to accompany me to the post office, I let her choose our directions for the rest of the walk. She pulled me to Hummel’s Office Plus. One clerk, who knows Tabby from previous visits, greeted her by name and walked out from behind the counter to pet her. Another clerk said, “What a sweet dog,” and petted her too. We left when a customer came in needing help, but not before the customer petted Tabby as well.

After that, Tabby pretty much pulled me home. She is quite familiar with the streets of Herkimer. A successful walk from her point of view — petted by three people — and from my point of view — got my post cards mailed. And I got a blog post out of it, although I hope to have something more exciting to blog about soon. Stay tuned!

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Running in Traffic

Posted on November 9, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m often touting Herkimer as a great village to run in, and of course it is. I must add, however, that some times of day are more convenient than others.

Four o’clock in the afternoon, for example, is one of the less convenient times. The traffic is murder! You wouldn’t think it would effect me so much, seeing as I like to stay on the sidewalks. But sidewalks don’t go on forever; you have to cross the street sometime (why did the Cindy cross the road?).

I hate four way stops. It’s like a big game of chicken. “Is it my turn? Is it his turn?” And that’s with my truck, which most people, given a choice, will usually try not to hit. My body, while not as small as I’d like it to be, is a little less noticeable and a lot less respected.

At Caroline and German it is a three way stop. You would think that would be better, but you would think wrong. Too many people making turns. I try not to cross Caroline at certain times of day. For one thing, once you’ve crossed, you still have to cross back.

So Monday I headed in the opposite direction. I can usually get all the way to the end of German that way. Not so Monday. A bunch of construction vehicles were doing… I don’t know, some construction thing. They were blocking traffic. At least three cars were waiting to turn off Prospect, somebody might have been waiting to turn onto Prospect. I didn’t want to mess with it. I stayed on the sidewalk and turned down Prospect.

That wasn’t bad. I crossed two streets with impunity. I ran by Bruce Ward Realty, where our realtor Lorraine Hartigan works. She showed us 33 houses before we finally bought one. The building Bruce Ward is in used to be a bank. I saw a sign on what used to be the drive thru: “Do Not Enter. Exit Only.” Not one to pass up such a challenge, I entered. A quick turn around the parking lot, just to be that way. Of course, when I run by a bank that is currently functioning as a bank, I don’t pull such shenanigans.

I ran through the Myers Park and down Park Avenue (Oh, ain’t we swank?) (That’s a line from a movie). I ran up and down a couple neighborhood streets till I had run the length of time I intended. I did cross Caroline Street, then back again later, just not at German. It made for two very short sprints and was really not a problem for me or the cars.

It was a pretty good run. I feel a little constricted when I have to modify my route to avoid traffic, but really I had plenty of room to run. At least for the short runs I’m up to now. We’ll see what happens when I build up a little. I’ll report back.

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Walk in the Woods

Posted on November 8, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

Sunday was our dog, Tabby’s birthday. I suggested we celebrate with a walk on the Nature Trail at Herkimer County Community College (HCCC).

I was introduced to the trail a few years ago by a then student of the college. We would meet once a week and walk. We had meant to branch out and explore the canal trails as well, but we never seemed to get around to that.

Steven worked till two on Sunday, and we both wanted coffee after that, so we headed up the hill to HCCC shortly after three. It was an utterly beautiful day with bright sunlight. The temperature was a little cool, but we had jackets, I wore a hat, and Tabby, of course, sported her all natural fur coat. No worries about Tabby keeping warm anyways. She was so excited she jumped around enough to keep three dogs warm.

We parked near the gymnasium and walked past the tennis courts and ball fields. Tabby must have remembered the trail, because she eagerly pulled me in the right direction. A sign in front of the trail’s entrance told us that dogs are welcome but must be on a leash.

The trail is not very extensive, but it goes into the woods far enough that you can lose your way if you’re not careful. It loops around a few times as well. The wood chip trail was a little obscured by fallen leaves, but we could also see posts to follow.

I soon started in with my usual walking in the woods jokes.

“If you see a wolf,” I warned, “don’t tell him we’re on our way to visit Grandma.” A little later: “If you see a house that’s all gingerbread and candy, don’t eat it.”

“But what if I’m hungry?” Steven asked.

He had a good point. I’m not much on gingerbread, but what if the trimmings were chocolate? “OK, you can eat some, but if an old lady comes out, don’t talk to her.”

I started making these silly jokes some years ago, when I was in the army attempting to learn how to read a map. After the third or fourth fairy tale reference, a fellow soldier complained, “At this rate, I’ll never make any new friends in the woods.”

I know, I should get some new material.

Steven made a Blair Witch Project reference, “Let’s follow the stream!”

I played along. “OK, we’ll go this way.” The opposite direction. Anyone who hasn’t seen the movie or doesn’t remember: They’re lost, they agree to follow the stream, they totally don’t. Steven and I both point out, while a witch could probably easily mess with a compass, it would take a real bad ass witch to change up a whole stream.

Tabby ignored all our jokes and enjoyed her birthday walk very much. Steven and I enjoyed it too, as well as the view of the countryside when we emerged from the woods and headed back to our car.

I’ve blogged (such a silly verb) many times about running up to and around HCCC. Sometimes I forget to mention that it’s good for walking, too. Check it out.

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What I Did Thursday

Posted on November 5, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

Once again this week Friday is dead to me, so I cannot offer a real Friday Lame Post. What I intend to write is a Pedestrian Post. Readers can judge its lame qualities for themselves.

I actually had a couple of real Mohawk Valley events I could have attended. The Herkimer Chamber of Commerce was holding an open house at their new digs, and the US Air Force Liberty Jazz Band was offering a free concert. However, my husband was down with a cold, so I had no escort, and I felt my dog deserved some attention.

I also felt guilty that I have been slacking off sending post cards to my soldiers, so I saw my path clear before me: Write a card, walk with Tabby to the post office. Unfortunately, there is a bit of a gap between seeing a path and following it. During that gap, I sat down for a moment and Steven tuned in to one of my favorite crime shows, City Confidential. Suddenly, my shoes and bra were off, and I was happily crocheting while watching all about a murder in Coconut Grove, Florida. I managed to write a post card during a commercial. Tabby waited patiently at first.

“After the show, I’ll put my sneakers on, my bra back on, and we’ll perambulate to the post office,” I said. Like many dog owners, we avoid saying the word “walk.” I’m afraid Tabby has learned either “perambulate” or “post office,” because she got a little agitated. I hurried.

I guess I hurried too fast, because I got almost two blocks away before I noticed I had forgotten my bra. At first I thought I would just keep going and hope nobody noticed. Then I realized that however comfortable bra-less might be while lounging on the couch enjoying cable television, while walking down the sidewalk at a pace set by a lively schnoodle, it is not to be recommended. We turned around.

It’s funny how you can walk a block and a half without really noticing something, then after you have noticed it, it’s HUGE. I was dreadfully uncomfortable. Suddenly my bra was not a torture device dictated by polite society, but my kind, supportive friend.

The stop home was good, too, because I put on a warmer jacket and hat. The jacket originally belonged to my sister-in-law. She didn’t like it after her grandkids called it Goth. It isn’t really. It’s got a weird-looking grey on black design. It is a very warm jacket. The hat was knitted. I had been wearing my crazy old lady hat, but I realized as we left the house again that it was pretty much a crazy old lady outfit anyways. I was also wearing the BDU pants they let me keep when I left the army. I’ve been wearing them to work lately. Very practical for such a purpose. I don’t know what the neighborhood thinks of me, or even if they notice. I try not to worry about it.

We walked to the post office a different way from our usual, going by the historic four corners first. I thought briefly of looking for ghosts, as I did one other time. None were visible from the sidewalk.

The sun was almost down. It made me think sadly of the imminent time change, when it will be dark much earlier. I know, I was just lamenting the 5 pm sunlight during trick or treating. There is just no pleasing me.

Nothing of note happened on the walk, but it was pleasant. Tabby enjoyed it, and my legs appreciated the exercise. I’m hoping Steven will feel better tonight, and we can have a Mohawk Valley adventure.

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Post Halloween Run

Posted on November 4, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

This post is about running and about Halloween. What, you think just because it’s November I’m done talking about Halloween? Who do you think you’re dealing with? Goodness, how long did I talk about the DARE 5K after it was run (as you see, I’m still talking about it)?

Having re-started my habit of running on Sunday and Monday, Tuesday I felt pretty damn awful. I started getting sick Monday after trick or treating. I thought at first it was too much chocolate on an empty stomach. Then I thought it might be a virus or something. After all, the too much chocolate thing is usually curable with herbal tea and real food. No such luck. The tea didn’t help, and I couldn’t even look at the food.

So Tuesday, in addition to my post-Halloween let-down, I was dreadfully sick to my stomach. Then my legs started in. That hasn’t happened to me in years! They ached, they throbbed. They begged to be stretched. They begged to be still. They begged to move around. They were never happy. I was never happy. I muddled through work, then went home and took a bath with Epson Salts. Aaahhh…. Was this due to my run? Nevertheless, I was undaunted.

The next day my stomach felt much better, but I had a raging sinus headache. I was beginning to feel my troubles were a little comical. As Gilda Radner famously said, it’s always somethin’ (I know, it was her character on Saturday Night Live that said it, but I know how to spell Gilda Radner). I dealt with the headache by concentrating on the sheer relief of NOT feeling nauseous. I was determined to go running.

It was the gorgeous day we wished we had for Halloween. In fact, the bright sun was right in my eyes part of the time. I was pleased to see many Halloween decorations still out. Ours still are (in fact ours will probably remain till Monday, because Steven is down with a cold and I’m on overtime). One especially elaborate house near Weller Park was down. Alas! I tried not to take it personally. Another good house on Church Street still had all its stuff out. I especially liked the skellington that looked as if it was coming up out of the ground.

I felt that my run was enhanced by seeing Halloween decorations. It makes me feel better to think that my favorite holiday will come all over again next year. In the meantime, I remembered that there are several Halloween movies in my collection that we have not viewed this season. Maybe I can make my Halloween last till Thanksgiving.

And my run was a success. It felt good at the time, and my legs ached less the next day. I am looking forward to future runs. I suppose soon I’ll be seeing Christmas decorations.

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Renewing Local History

Posted on November 3, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I recently gave a shout out (I love that expression) to Weller Library in Mohawk, NY (just two weeks ago, in fact), but I think a plug to a local library is always in order.

I have been enjoying the book I checked out, Liberty March: The Battle of Oriskany by Allan D. Foote (North Country Books, Utica, NY, 1998). I’ve been reading it in the break room at work, where several people have expressed an interest. One young man had seen a presentation by Allan Foote. Almost everyone has been to the Oriskany Battlefield. I mean to re-visit it myself one day soon.

The book was due Tuesday, and I wanted to renew it. I drive right by Weller Library on my way home from work, so I figured I was all hooked up. Had the book with me since I was reading it at work, library card on my key chain which I would have if I was driving, all set. Then I remembered — and felt really stupid for forgetting — I had gotten out two books two weeks ago. MacBeth was sitting on my coffee table. Damn! I wondered if modern technology could help me. When I got to the library, I explained that I wanted to renew the book in my hand and hoped to also renew the book on my coffee table. It was no problem. Let’s hear it for computers!

Actually, I could be exaggerating the role of technology here. Now that I think about it, I remember that Jervis Library in Rome, NY had renewal by phone when I was a little girl. In those days, when you checked out books they stuck a card which kept was in a pocket on the inside of the book’s cover into a machine that went ka-CHUNK. In the school library, you wrote your name on the card. For my younger readers, that was a history lesson. For my older readers, a stroll down memory lane (look at me pretending I have all kinds of readers).

I was sorry to see the library was practically empty, and even sorrier that I couldn’t stay. I mean to go to Weller Library to sit and write sometime. It is the most beautiful setting. For anyone who missed my original post about Weller Library (and who reads every post? Not me), I’ll re-iterate that the library was originally the Weller family home. I don’t know from architecture, so I can’t say the style or period, but it is gorgeous.

I thanked the library lady for helping me solve one problem so easily, then headed home. Now I can continue to enjoy reading about Mohawk Valley history. Perhaps a future blog post will be a book report.

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Trick or Treat!

Posted on November 2, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s no secret that Steven and I love Halloween. One of the highlights of my year is to stand on my front porch October 31 with my husband and my dog, and greet the trick or treaters. Last night that is just what I did. Of course you knew I was going to write a blog post about it.

Trick or treating in Herkimer was scheduled from 5 to 7 p.m. I thought I would have just enough time after work to go running, take a shower and just possibly make my blog post.

When I returned from my run, I saw that Steven had added to our outside decorations. Boney, our blow up skellington, was poised between the two trash cans (Tuesday is garbage day). Our new ghoul, a six foot tall Grim Reaper was on the porch. We purchased the Reaper recently at a garage sale for a very good price. His eyes and lamp light up, his head turns, and he says creepy things, punctuated by groans or laughter. Eerie laughter, of course. He is light or sound activated. We spent a good portion of the evening stomping on the porch.

As usual I overestimated myself, so the blog post did not get done till later. I was searching for some warm clothes. We often dress in costumes for the trick or treaters, but this year we did not have our act together. Steven wore his green gardening gloves, which look a little oogie. We put Tabby’s hot dog costume on her. She is surprisingly good natured about keeping that hot dog on. We were ready and waiting for the crowd!

And we waited. And we waited. What a slow start! It doesn’t help that they moved the silly time change to a week later, so we were in broad daylight. Who wants to go trick or treating in the daylight? I remember in the olden days, when I was a little girl. The city didn’t dictate when trick or treating began and ended, and we always went out after dark. It was exciting. We especially liked the houses that had light up doorbells.

At last the kids started coming. Once again, I admired and envied the costumes. I remember when I was a kid, store bought costumes were so dumb. You’d have a plastic mask that pretty much looked like the character, whatever it was, and a polyester jump suit with a picture of the character on the chest. I remember thinking they were extremely ridiculous. Caspar the Friendly Ghost (for example) doesn’t go around with a picture of himself on his chest! (Not that I would ever have been Caspar; I thought he was kind of dumb too.) Costumes today are awesome! Still, I love the homemade ones best. One kid was a playing card. He had a joker hat on and a cardboard front and back. His mother said, “That’s what he wanted to be! I just take requests!” Awesome mom. Another memorable costume was a kid with ripped clothes and blood on his face. So simple, yet so profound.

A number of dogs were out, some in costume. Tabby took exception to a couple of them, but we had her on the leash and nothing untoward happened. I’ve read that it is best to shut your dogs up in a separate room during trick or treating. They might be frightened of the strange costumes. For one thing, Tabby’s feeling would be very hurt if we did something so fun on the front porch and shut her up inside. For another thing, she LOVED seeing all those people in costumes. Many people complimented her on her hot dog, and many petted her. She had as good a time as we did.

Fun as it was, I was not sorry to see seven o’clock roll around. It was cold, and I didn’t even have oogie gardening gloves on. We went inside to find the cheesey Mummy’s Curse from 1964 on TCM. We gave candy to a few stragglers, and started making plans for Halloween 2012.

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I Run Again

Posted on November 1, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I ran on Sunday for the first time in two and a half weeks, I thought, at least it can be a blog post.

I waited till later in the afternoon, when the temperature was in the mid-40s. As I ran down German Street, I saw a number of cars. Nobody waved at me. I remembered how when I was in the army, if I ran on my off time I usually ran where people would see me. They often did see me and at formation the next day they would say something like, “You run all the time, don’t you?” It wasn’t true, of course, but it was encouraging, especially when I was deciding to run or not to run. People thought I Ran. I couldn’t disappointment them.

These days I have some friends and family who believe I run a lot. I let them know when I have been slacking off, in the interests of honesty. And I let them know when I start running again. In the interests of getting some positive feedback.

I was soon enjoying my Sunday run. The sun was bright but not hot. I admired many Halloween decorations. I saw a man running with a perfectly wonderful looking dog (my dog doesn’t like to run with me). I called hello. I didn’t think the dog wanted to stop and be petted, so I didn’t ask.

As I ran through a residential area, an adorable little white dog barked at me indignantly. He was attached to his porch by a lead.

“Good dog, guarding the house,” I praised. I heard a couple of voices from inside the house yelling at the dog to be quiet. Good luck with that.

I did not run very far, since I was just getting back into it, and I did not run very fast, because I almost never do. When I get used to running again, I may add in a few sprints, for good measure.

I must say I felt pretty terrific after my run, and for the rest of the day and even into Monday. It is absolutely true that exercise improves your mood. I hope to run again soon, and maybe I can go back to making regular blog posts about my runs. When I don’t have other Mohawk Valley adventures.

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I Digress

Posted on October 30, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am lightheaded. I don’t know why: I have not taken any sinus medication since… Thursday? I forget (an effect of the medication? Or my current lightheadedness?). And yet a voice in my head keeps repeating, “But my blog! My blog!”

I have not gone running in two or three weeks (a glance at my running journal would tell me, but that’s downstairs). (My running journal is a journal only by the most generous definition of the word. It is a spiral bound book I bought at Micheal’s for $1, and when I run Steven or I make a note of how long I ran, sometimes including hills climbed and dogs petted.) (Actually, I think it is quite appropriate, considering my runs are actually running only by the most generous definition of the term.) (But I digress.)

So I want to start running again, but I have not even been walking much. So I tried to get in a couple of walks this weekend. Saturday Tabby and I went for two 20-minute walks. It felt very good. And a little cold. We did not encounter anything blogworthy.

Today (Sunday) we went for an almost half hour walk. It was even colder, but the sun was bright. I had on my prescription sunglasses (a wonderful device) but was soon wishing I had also worn a hat. That little line between my forehead and the top of my glasses was blinding me. Too bad I don’t have a Frankenstein-style overhanging brow. That would be practical and seasonal. I normally would have worn my crazy old lady hat with its wide brim, but I had on a knitted headband against the cold. I put my hood up and tried to pull it forward with indifferent success. I crossed the street to enjoy some shade. It is colder in the shade, but I have come to accept that you can’t have everything. Tabby did her business and I discovered that it is not too cold for doggie poop to stink. That’s one good thing about when there’s snow on the ground: you scoop a little up with the poop and it doesn’t stink so bad.

It was after I got home from the walk that my lightheadedness hit me. Seriously, I went to go up the stairs and instead laid down on the landing for about ten minutes. Must be it’s not too cold for the pollens to play havoc with my sinuses. And it is damn hard to write a coherent blog post with your head spinning.

A kind friend wrote me a comment on Lame Post Friday, saying why didn’t I feel free to write what I felt like writing. Since I’m in the Mohawk Valley, anything I write is technically germane. I guess I’ve invoked that rule today. My walks were taken in the Mohawk Valley. When I manage to run again, it will be in the Mohawk Valley. You know what, I’ll bet it’s Mohawk Valley pollens that are making me so lightheaded. So there.

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Random Observations

Posted on October 29, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

On Thursday I thought, “I don’t have to do anything Mohawk Valley-ish tonight: tomorrow is Lame Post Friday!” Today (Friday), I realize that, lame or not, I still have to actually write something. What the blankety-blank am I going to find to talk about?

I’m eating an egg and olive sandwich. I blogged about making egg and olive and how it turned out soupy. I fixed it by adding two more eggs, and now it’s pretty good.

Something I always wonder about is why they say you can’t have your cake and eat it too. When someone says, “Have some cake,” don’t they expect you to eat it? I may have mentioned this before. If so, sorry for repeating myself.

The Ilion Farmer’s Market is NOT closing for the season but runs all winter long. It is Friday and Saturday at Clapsaddle Farm on Otsego Street. I want to go there today and buy some pickles. I hope they have the garlic kind.

The sun seems to be shining for the first time in a few days. I hope it refrains from raining this evening, so I can take my dog for a walk.

And there’s another odd expression: “The sun is trying to peek out.” The sun does not really move much; we all know the earth rotates to create the appearance of sunrise and sunset. The clouds move in front of the sun. The sun has very little to do with it. In fact, I believe about a million miles separate the clouds from the sun. I would be very surprised to find out the sun considers the matter at all.

I have no half baked philosophy for today. It’s kind of too bad, because my usual Happy Friday Mood has eluded me for much of the day. I think some philosophy may have helped. After all, as the great Donald Westlake once said, “My philosophy is you have to be philosophical about it.”

And there’s your Friday post. See ya Saturday.

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