Tag Archives: lame post

In My Defense, Here’s a Song

Posted on December 15, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not write my Friday Lame Post while at work today. What a surprise. I’ve had good luck with writing off the cuff before, I even had a few ideas banging around in my head (they bounce off the thick skull).

And here I am, with nothing coming off my cuffs (I have four of them, too, two per arm since I’m wearing a turtleneck and a sweatshirt). Why, oh why did I not write during my lunch?

I seem to recall trying that writing thing of having a designated writing time. Even if you just sit there staring at the blank page, this method goes, you sit there just in case. And sometimes something happens. My designated time was my lunch half hour at work. I seemed to get some stuff written, except on my husband’s days off. Then I would call him and talk. I think it’s important to talk to your husband.

Today, however, my little rebellious streak made itself felt.

“I don’t follow common wisdom!” my rebellious streak said. “They say don’t weigh yourself every day: I weigh myself every day! And I’m losing weight! They say just sit there even if you’re not writing. I’m not going to just sit there! So there!”

So I read this really good book. In my defense, the book is letters and diaries written around the time I’ve set the novel I’m working on. So you could categorize it as research. Or you can just shake your finger at me and say, “Next time you’ll know better: write during your designated time!”

That is so easy to say to somebody else. It’s even easy to say to myself when I am not actually doing it. It is extremely easy to sit here and resolve: from now on I will write during my lunch half hour at work (except on Steven’s days off). Doesn’t do me a whole lot of good as I’m sitting here churning out yet another really dull post.

To liven things up, I will end with a Christmas song I wrote about my dog, Tabby. Tabby likes to hear me sing; she wags her tail when I do. Sing this to the tune of “Holly Jolly Christmas.” You can insert your own dog’s name if you like.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
She’s the best dog of the year
She’s so sweet,
Give her a treat
And scratch behind her ear.

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And when you walk down the street,
Let her sniff,
She’ll take a whiff
And pet the dogs you’ll meet.

Oh Ho, Tabby’s so
Cute and sweet and nice!
She’ll wag her tail for you (so)
Rub her belly twice!

Have a Happy Tabby Christmas
And in case you didn’t hear
Oh, dag nab it Have a Happy Tabby Christmas this year!

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Desperate Times Call for Lame Measures

Posted on December 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

If ever I was in need of Lame Post Friday, today is the day.

For those of you just tuning in (I know I say this almost every week, but I believe I do occasionally have new readers), Lame Post Friday is the day I let myself off the hook with random observations and half-baked philosophy. It’s actually reprehensible of me, because I let myself off the hook on many occasions: Middle-aged Musings Monday, Wrist to Forehead Sunday, Non Sequitur Thursday (although I’ve only had one of those so far). Even Running Commentary Saturday is a little, dare I say, lame.

In my defense, I don’t always use these handy little hide-behinds. If I have something to write about, I write about it. In my further defense, I sometimes get a lot of “likes” on these silly posts.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I’m going to post every day, some of the posts are going to be lame. One might argue (you know, that one that’s always ready to argue. I hate that one): so don’t post every day! Wait till you have something to say! I think I’ve had that argument in this space before. So sorry to repeat myself.

It is pouring rain out (random observation #1). This is sad news for me and for the blog, because I was going to go to a tree lighting in Weller Park in Mohawk tonight. It would have made a great post tomorrow (or do I flatter myself?)! Hmm, guess it’s time for some half-baked philosophy about how it’s OK, because…

I got nuthin’. This is it folks: a short post, one random observation. I’ll do one thing. I’ll save this as a draft and post it after I eat. Maybe something will occur to me while I dine.

NOTE: Nothing occurred to me. But I did have some Heidleberg Bread, baked right here in Herkimer, NY from local ingredients. My Mohawk Valley Girl cred survives.

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I Suppose It Actually Is Friday

Posted on November 24, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Really, Wednesday was my Friday this week, but I didn’t post lame then, so I thought, “Hey! I can have Lame Post Friday today!”

As soon as I wrote that, I felt sure that some pedantic person out there is saying, “Stop with the ‘my Friday,’ ‘Not Really Friday’ already! Wednesday is Wednesday! Friday is Friday! And nobody wants to read your lame posts anyways!”

OK, it’s not some generic pedantic person out there, it is one of the many critics in my head. The fact is I don’t have a damn thing to write about and I want to make this post so I can get on to the sitting on the couch watching cheesy movies portion of my day. Well, that’s not really true. I have a few subjects, but the fact is I have not written about them.

“So write about them now!” says the little voice in my head that thinks everything is just so easy. The bastard.

Sometimes the act of writing begets more writing. You get just one sentence or phrase or even word down on the paper and others follow. Some days, not so much. You get one word. Gritting your teeth, you make it a phrase. Straining to keep your fingers from the backspace button, you make it a sentence. Then the little voice in your head says, “Nobody wants to read that crap!”

And that’s where I’m at now. Seriously, I just erased three sentences before leaving “And that’s where I’m at now.”

Earlier I went up the attic and found our Christmas CDs. Before that I was at Hannaford, where I purchased some Bigelow Oolong Tea, of which I am sipping a cup. It tastes so good, I wish I could write a whole blog post just on that. Mostly I wish I could just sit and sip it and enjoy the GRP Christmas Collection which is currently playing.

And really, why not (stand by for a foray into a Middle-aged Musing)? It is the Friday of my four day weekend. Yesterday was a holiday. I worked hard all last week and weekend. I am now going to relax.

And tomorrow I will write a better blog post for your delectation. I hope.

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But It’s Not Really Friday!

Posted on November 17, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I don’t like to do Lame Post Friday when I have to work on Saturday. Lame Post Friday is my fun, relaxed post which I make in anticipation of the weekend. For those of you just tuning in, it usually involves random observations and half-baked philosophy.

BUT I don’t think Friday is really a Friday when somebody (me) has foolishly agreed to work BOTH weekend days. What was I thinking? Oh, I know what I was thinking: I was thinking make some more money and let the manager think I’m a team player, that’s what I was thinking. Let’s just leave that alone, shall we?

I’ve been having a fairly stressful week. Today, as I was feeling bad about the most recent stupid mistake I just made (never mind what it was; take my work for it, it was STUPID), the phrase occurred to me, “It’s not the end of the world.”

What a useless thing to say! I wanted to answer myself, “OF COURSE it’s not the end of the blankety-blank world! If it was the end of the blankety-blank world, I wouldn’t worry about it! NOTHING matters at the end of the blankety-blank world! This sucks BECAUSE it’s not the end of the blankety-blank world!”

Then I thought, “This might be some good half-baked philosophy for Lame Post Friday. Too bad it’s not really a Friday and I don’t intend to do a Lame Post.” I actually don’t know what I thought I was going to write about, but I entered my day determined not to write a Friday Lame Post.

As I worked, I continued to half-bakedly philosophize about things people say to make you feel better and how ridiculous some of them are. I pondered: are these people sincerely trying to make you feel better or are they just spouting platitudes to make themselves feel superior? A little of both? I reached no definitive conclusion, but did not worry too much about that, because, as I said, it’s not Lame Post Friday.

And then I realize, it’s after 6 p.m. I have to get to bed at a reasonable hour. I’d like a glass of wine. I can’t think of another damn thing to do than to write some kind of Lame Post.

So here you have it. Almost 400 words of Lame It’s Not Really Friday Post. I have, in fact, a good blog post to write for tomorrow, and I hope to do at least a couple more blogworthy things. Stay tuned, I may be less lame in the near future. Happy Friday.

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Wrist to Aching Forehead

Posted on November 12, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I checked. A mere three days ago I did a lame post about Why I Can’t Write a Post Today. It’s really too soon for another. Then again, it is Wrist to Forehead Sunday. And I have a headache. I want to write this post and not have it hanging over me for the rest of my day.

I don’t actually have a wrist to my forehead. For one thing, I don’t like to type with only one hand. I learned the two-hands-don’t-look-at-them method back in high school and I still find it fun and a little fascinating. Sometimes I just love to feel my fingers going to the right letters in rapid succession.

I really love writing a blog. It makes me write every day, and I love to write. And it is extremely easy to write. I don’t have to worry about what might this character do next, have I included enough clues but hidden them cleverly enough, is this what the teacher really wanted in answer to the essay question (oh yeah, like I ever worried about that one!)?

Some might say it is lazy, self-indulgent and not real writing (whatever that is). I say, oh, be quiet, it’s fun! You don’t have to read it. (Actually, I think it is the critic in my head who said it and she in fact does have to read it, because she is in my head and I’m reading it. I may have voices in my head, but I am not completely disassociative.)

Now I am being silly (say it ain’t so!). I intend to post this then go begin a marathon of watching old movies I can write blog posts about. When Steven comes home we may have a Mohawk Valley adventure that I can also write a blog post about. If only my headache goes away.

Let’s just chalk up today to another Blogger’s Sick Day. As usual, I will try again tomorrow. Thanks for reading!

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Will I Break a Leg?

Posted on November 10, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is NOT Lame Post Friday. I work tomorrow, and when I work Saturday, Friday is just not Friday. OK, all you folks out there who work every Saturday, just don’t start, I have already addressed your concerns in previous non-lame Friday posts (don’t remember exactly what I said, probably something lame).

That said, I don’t have a whole lot to blog about (see yesterday’s post on “In My Defense… I Have No Defense”). Well, maybe one thing. As soon as I type this in (composing at the computer, by the way, not handwriting in a notebook on a break at work) (just to give an accurate picture), I must quickly shower and blow dry my hair in preparation for tonight’s performance of Strike Story at Ilion Little Theatre, Remington Avenue, Ilion, NY.

I know I said yesterday that I already wrote about this, but I thought of a few more things to say. To reiterate, for those of you just tuning in, Ilion Little Theatre, forced to postpone Dirty Work at the Crossroads till May, asked a group from Little Falls to present Strike Story, an original Readers’ Theatre piece written by a Little Falls woman, on our stage as our fall production. They needed a Helen Schloss for the second weekend. Our vice president nominated me. How could I refuse? (Seriously, please tell me how to refuse these things should they arise in the future; I don’t have time to be in a lot of plays).

I’ve been a little stressed. Would I be able to find a black skirt to wear? (yes, by virtue of spending an hour rummaging around in the theatre’s VERY messy costume room, Steven found me one). Would I be any good at the part? (the Little Falls people seem happy enough). Could I work a ten hour day on Friday, do a good show, then get up for more overtime on Saturday? (we’ll find out — stay tuned!).

On the whole, though, I’m pretty happy I did it. I’ve never done Readers’ Theatre. It is much more stylized than any play I’ve been in before, and some of the speeches are pretty long. And we’re all on stage the whole time. It’s fun, and a challenge, to listen attentively and in character, and make subtle little reactions. You never know when an audience member may be looking at you.

What I really like, though, is that my character does NOT like a couple of the other characters. She gets to be pretty sharp at times.

“Can we have more acid on that speech?” the director asked in one rehearsal. Oh yes, I can give you more acid. I bet some of you readers didn’t know I like to be mean (just kidding; I’m sure you all knew) (and I don’t REALLY like to be mean; I’m acting!).

I see I am over 450 words, pretty good for me. Has this post been as lame as a Lame Friday Post? I’ll let my readers be the judge. As for me, I must get in the shower. Otherwise, I may stink up the stage (insert joke about my stinky acting, if you so desire).

For more information on Strike Story, visit www.ilionlittletheatre.org or the Ilion Little Theatre Club Facebook page.

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In My Defense… I Have No Defense

Posted on November 9, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was totally going to have a Wuss Out Wednesday yesterday. Then I recklessly told everyone at Curves that I was going to write about voting. True, none of those women read my blog and so would not know if I reneged. Still, it seemed a perfectly good blog topic with an expiration date. I went for it.

So now here I am on Thursday with no name for a stupid post (too late for Middle-aged Musings Monday, too early for Lame Post Friday) and no post other than the one I have written many times before (but with variations, or do I flatter myself?) about Why I Can’t Write a Blog Post Today.

I have the Overtime Blues at work. On the brighter side, this leads to the Payday Greens, which in turn helps Financial Condition Red. Just to use a little colorful language, which they say goes over well in the blogosphere.

With the Overtime Blues comes not much time and being too tired for Mohawk Valley adventures. Last night I attended a meeting of the Board of Directors for Ilion Little Theatre. Not so blogworthy. Tonight I have a pick-up rehearsal for Strike Story, followed on Friday and Saturday by performances of same. Blogworthy, but I’ve written about it before. What else can I say? Perhaps I will think of something for tomorrow, so my Friday post will not be lame.

I could blather on… who am I kidding? No I can’t. I am out of words about having no words. But I am over 250 words, which I consider sufficient to call it a post. I have to go find some black pantyhose for my play. Hope to see you Friday.

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Wrist to Forehead Sunday

Posted on October 22, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This happens all the time. I promise Mohawk Valley adventures which I fail to deliver. Well, I did threaten to institute Wrist to Forehead Sunday in case of just such an emergency, so here goes.

So let’s see now, Middle-aged Musings Monday which sometimes becomes Mid-week Musings, Lame Post Friday, Running Commentary Saturday which I have not been able to deliver on for a couple of weeks now… Wait, didn’t I have something for Thursday? The Thursday Trudge, I think. Why don’t I just say this is a whole blog about how hard it is to write a blog and have done with?

I did have some Mohawk Valley adventures yesterday that I expect to write about eventually. We had breakfast at Heidelberg Bakery Cafe and visited the Ilion Farmer’s Market as well as Ilion Wine and Spirits. We’ve been watching cheesy movies for a good portion of today. I actually may not have to go lame again till Friday.

We took two walks with Tabby today. She is such a sweet, good dog. Inclined to stop and sniff a little too often, but she doesn’t hold a grudge when we insist she continue the walk before she’s ready to. It’s a cloudy day with a bit of a breeze but not too cold. The trees are becoming bare but you can still see some bright color. And there are ghosts, pumpkins, skeletons and spider webs on many porches. Plenty of entertainment with our exercise.

Did I mention that yesterday Steven and I celebrated 22 years of wedded bliss? Well, we did. He’s a pretty good husband, and I’m… well I can only do my best. Luckily this is not a marriage blog.

I see I am over 200 words of this nonsense. I recently received e-mails telling me I acquired two new subscribers. Why do I always do such a colossally stupid post right after I get new readers? They’re going to unsubscribe from me in a big fat hurry. Then I’ll have a reason to put my wrist to my forehead. Hope to see you Monday.

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Spare Me the Existential Post

Posted on October 20, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I don’t have much of a headache, and my back doesn’t feel too bad. Lame Post Friday ought to be a breeze.

Of course it’s not. You didn’t think it would be, did you? I wasn’t sure, myself. I thought it could go either way. Looks like it’s veering into Existential Writer’s Crisis. Nice.

Existential is one of those fancy words that people use to sound erudite that don’t really mean much. “Spare me the existential pose,” one character says to another in the movie Big Chill. He could just as well have said, “Spare me the pose,” or even, “Spare me” (I guess some people wish they had been spared the whole movie, although I like it).

Where was I? Ah yes, in crisis. Not much of one, really. My wrist is not on my forehead. It just looks as if I’m writing yet another post on Why I Can’t Write a Post.

And that was as much as I wrote at work today (on a break OF COURSE). I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering if some reader would post a condescending comment explaining to me the meaning of existential philosophy. I had my reply ready, “You sound very erudite.”

Still, as soon as you start thinking about the condescending things people might say to you, you tend to stop writing. At least many of us do (probably that condescending comment-poster does not have that problem) (you know who you are).

When I got home I looked up existential in not one but two dictionaries, to make sure it means what I think it means. I don’t believe in quoting the dictionary, so to give you the definition, I will quote a movie, The Ref, an awesome Christmas movie (although Steven categorizes it as Twisted Christmas). Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis are a married couple in therapy, which they seem to sorely need but which is not doing them much good. I may be paraphrasing:

Kevin Spacey: In the meantime, she never finishes anything she starts. Photography classes. Cooking classes. Existential philosophy courses.

Judy Davis: At least I go after my dreams!

Kevin Spacey: Do do what? To take pictures of Lutefisk to prove the nothingness of being?

Why can’t I write shit like that? (That’s from another movie: In Soapdish, writer Whoopi Goldberg says it when real life drama intrudes on the set.) Just when I thought my sidetrack into the meaning of existential was going to derail my crisis.

But, crisis or not, I see I am over 400 words, or if you don’t count my movie quotes, over 300 words. That’s a respectable Lame Post (as respectable as they get). Happy Friday, everyone!

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Saturday Evening Post

Posted on October 14, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

OK, I don’t have anything today except for that (I think) fabulous title, and it took me all day to come up with that.

As regular readers (I sure hope I still have some) know, I am hesitant to start running again, due to recent back problems, so Saturday Running Commentary was out. Fine, I thought, I’ll go for a walk. Tabby will like that.

And at first, she certainly seemed to. But two blocks in, she did her business and clearly indicated she was done walking, she wanted to go home.

I had some library books I had to return. We drove in the truck (no, there weren’t that many books that it needed a truck; I drive a truck). The library wasn’t open yet, so I put the books in the depository while Tabby waited for me in the truck. Nothing blogworthy there.

Back home, I started cleaning my house. That is, of course, startling and incredible news to those who know me. Blogworthy? Well, I did threaten to do a cleaning post, after several cooking posts once. Funny how cooking is so much more fun and creative than cleaning when they often get mentioned together as chores that couples ought to share (just a little half-baked philosophy; I don’t think my Friday Lame Post included any of that).

In desperation, I took a nap. Ever try to sleep when you’re desperate? OK, neither did I. I took a nap because I got up with Steven at 3:30, because he had to be in to work at 6, much like he often gets up with me at 3:30, because my overtime day starts at 5.

I thought, sleep, coffee, then I’ll write the blog post. Uh, and it looks like I did. Wait a minute, I’ve done this post before. “I had to write a post. But first I did this, then I did this, then I did this, then I wrote the post, and here it is.” That hoary fictional cliche, where the writer’s adventure turns out to be the movie or book we’ve just been watching or reading. I believe I even mentioned that cliche. I think it was last Friday’s Lame Post.

Oh well, what the hell, as a wise woman once said (it was my mother). At least this, this, and this that I did was different. Let’s call it a template for when I just can’t come up with anything. At any rate, Steven is home now. I’ll see if I can drag him on a Mohawk Valley adventure so I’ll have something better to blog about.

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