Tag Archives: random observations

Wrist to Lame Forehead

Posted on August 24, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today at work, I had my whole blog post written in my head. Well, most of it. I figured I’d come up with a few other sentences once I started writing. Then I went on break, I opened my notebook, and… nothing.

I bet you knew that was going to happen. I can just hear one of those smug artsy fartsy types saying, “Of COURSE nothing happened! You can’t write something in your head before you sit down to write it. You have to be SPONTANEOUS!” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes thinking about something before I write it works very well.

But speaking of being spontaneous, I hadn’t planned to write anything like that second paragraph. I had rather hoped I could segue back into what I had written in my head this morning (I think it’s still there). I am dreadfully sorry to be doing yet another post about Why I Can’t Write a Post, but here it is.

Still, on Lame Post Friday, there are worse things to write a post about. I’m going to count that as half-baked philosophy (regular readers will remember that Lame Post Friday is for random observations and half-baked philosophy) (they will also remember that I feel I have to say that almost every time).

What is this, Wrist to Forehead Friday? Say it ain’t so!

I had meant, as a matter of fact, to write a pedestrian post full of random observations made on the walk Tabby and I took last night. Unfortunately I did not observe much. Mostly I observed the sky looking more and more threatening till it finally rained on us. Oh, and I observed the bag I was carrying blow around like a wrinkly, misshapen balloon. I thought it looked a little foolish, but nobody will ever ding you for carrying around a plastic bag when you are walking a dog, however much it fills with air and whips around.

Ooh, look, over 300 words. Now to come up with a dramatic conclusion that brings all this nonsense together, so I can feel like a real writer. Then again, maybe I will just have to feel like something else tonight.

At least I’m not one of those artsy-fartsy types.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, Lame Post Friday, personal, writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Making with the Random Observations

Posted on August 17, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, I’m afraid it is another Lame Post Friday and it probably surprises nobody, least of all myself, that I got nuthin’. In my defense, I was working on my novel. And talking to my husband on my cell phone. And helping my co-worker with the crossword puzzle. Yes, the same lame excuses as last time.

As I sat at work and it was quite clear to me that this would indeed be a Lame Post Friday, I thought I could at least come up with some random observations. I feel that Lame Post Friday has been heavy on half-baked philosophy lately. In fact, it has been spilling out onto other days. So I thought I could leaven the mix with random observations.

I sat at my machine at work and observed… Well, you see, I look out the window, across a very short expanse of grass and weeds, onto a brick wall. The bricks are old. There is some grey foundation beneath the bricks. There are windows, some open, one hanging brokenly. I don’t believe they are ever shut.

How boring is that? Oh, I did notice one thing on my drive home. Two young kids on scooters, a girl maybe nine and a boy maybe four (not that I’m good at guessing ages). They were followed by a lady, presumably the mother, walking a very cute dog — it may have been part pug or maybe bulldog. The dog pulled eagerly on his leash. I think he wanted to be up there with the kids. At least, I don’t know if it was a boy or a girl dog. I use “he” and “his” in a gender neutral sense. I don’t like to call a dog “it.”

I suppose I could come up with some half-baked philosophy on “he/she/it,” but today is random observation day. Also, my word count is up to 300. Plenty enough for a Friday! Have a good weekend, everybody!

4 Comments

Posted in humor, Lame Post Friday, personal, random observations and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I Don’t Know What to Doo-Dah

Posted on July 13, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

It has been a bad week for writing. There, I’ve said it.

And now begins the chorus of “Oh, just write,” and “Never mind your MOOD,” and “Writer’s Block? There just ain’t no such animal!”

To answer those in reverse order: Who said I had Writer’s Block? NOBODY! Did I even mention mood? NO! What am I doing right now? WRITING!

But I have not been writing well, and I have not been enjoying writing (well, maybe that last paragraph was a little fun). This being Lame Post Friday, I thought it would be OK to kvetch a little.

And that is when I completely run dry, because who wants to listen to a middle-aged lady kvetch? Not me! How about my usual random observations and half-baked philosophy instead?

Ilion, NY will soon celebrate their Ilion Days festival, including the Doo-Dah parade. There is a sign up at my place of employment looking for people to march in it. I have been going around asking people if they intend to march, because I like saying “Doo-Dah Parade.” It’s fun. Try it.

Did you try it?

Under the heading Now What Stupid Thing’s Going To Happen? I’ve got a soft tire on my vehicle. This could lead to some half-baked philosophy alluded to earlier in the week: what did we do to deserve this? My philosophical advice to myself is: don’t look too closely at it, or I might find I’m actually getting a lot less than I deserve in the Stupid Things department. How does one keep score on these things? Another philosophical question.

Friday Lame Posts should be short, so I’ll end here. Anyone wanting more information on the Ilion Days and the Doo-Dah Parade (more fun to say than type, but what are you going to do?) can go to www.iliondoodah.com or call 894-2308.

Leave a comment

Posted in humor, lame, personal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

As Lame as the Nose on my Face

Posted on June 22, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I know I said on Wuss Out Wednesday I might not have a Lame Post Friday this week. I’m thinking nobody really took that thought seriously. It is Lame Post Friday, and here I go with random observations and half-baked philosophy.

My first observation, and you may judge its random qualities for yourself, is that I am a terrible kvetch. Seriously, I complain all the time. In my defense, I’ve heard that the more you complain, the longer God lets you live. Or, as Rosanne Rosannadanna said, it’s always something (at least, I think Rosanne Rosannadanna said it. It was some Gilda Radner character; I never watched much Saturday Night Live) (oh dear, is that one of the things I should never admit about myself?).

Where was I? Nowhere in particular. Trying not to complain so much. Today at work I realized I was doing it and tried to stop, with indifferent success. Toward the end of the day I thought I achieved a happy medium. I said, “You know, I don’t think I should have taken both the decongestant and the headache medicine. On the brighter side, I don’t have a headache and my nose isn’t stuffed up.”

You see, I looked on the bright side, so I thought that was a step in the right direction (that must qualify as half-baked philosophy). A co-worker said it was good if my nose wasn’t running, because I would have to go catch it.

“I would just let it go,” I admitted. This is what mixing medications does to you. I spent the rest of the day wondering what I might say to someone who then said to me, “Well, it’s as plain as the nose on your face.”

Any suggestions?

4 Comments

Posted in humor, lame, personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I Hope I Don’t Regret This Post

Posted on June 8, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

There is a saying I’ve seen floating around for years now that I think is pretty half-baked. I would like to take my Friday Lame Post to philosophize about it, half-bakedly of course (or would it be quarter-bakedly, since it started out as half? Something else to philosophize about, done to taste).

For anyone just tuning in (I think I did just get a couple new followers. Hi, guys!), Lame Post Friday is the day I take it easy with random observations and half-baked philosophy. Lately I’ve been heavy on the half-baked, but you’ll have that at my age (middle).

The only things you regret are the things you don’t do.

On the surface of it, it’s pretty profound. I regret that I never went to college. I regret that I never traveled to Europe. I regret that I never tap-danced on Broadway.

But look a little more deeply. According to this philosophy, nobody ever does anything bad. Haven’t you ever been sorry about the hurtful thing you said or did without thinking? Yes, I heard you in the back, piping up with, “I regret that I didn’t keep my mouth shut!” That’s just arguing semantics. In some cases what you do is actually regrettable.

If you would like to see some examples, I refer you to one of my favorite guilty pleasures, World’s Dumbest on TruTV. Thrill Seekers, Partiers, Record Breakers, Motorheads and more, this show features many people doing really stupid things, most of it on purpose. Of course, a lot of those people express no regret. From their hospital bed or on the gurney being loaded into the ambulance, they’re all thumbs up and “Yeah! I went for it!” Well, to each his own, as the old lady said when she kissed the cow. Or have they just disproven my argument?

I think what bothers me is the black-and-white nature of the statement. Why don’t you say, “You often regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do”?

But as long as we’re philosophizing, let’s just throw out that that regret is a colossal waste of time and we are best served by going on from here. I am reminded of what the mother of some friends of mine used to say. When asked did she ever regret not doing some things, she said, “No, because look at all the things I’ve done.”

I wonder if anybody out there was wondering if I would make this personal (I guess it is a personal blog, after all) and share the many things from my past that I regret. Um, I mean the one or two things. Um, I mean, I don’t regret anything! It’s a colossal waste of time!

In other words, NO, I’M NOT GOING TO LIST FOR YOU ALL THE STUPID THINGS I WISH I HAD NEVER DONE! But you could probably ask my family and they would tell you a few.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, half baked philosophy, humor, personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

A Lame Brand of Rotten

Posted on April 6, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

It has been a rotten day. And a rotten blogging day as well. I spent the day enduring one petty annoyance after another, most of them caused by myself, which of course makes it worse. They were all petty! None of them were funny! And I don’t feel like writing about them!

But here is what I did write at work, little realizing I was only at the beginning of my travails:

I am so mad at myself. I left the house this morning saying, “I feel like I’ve forgotten something,” and, what do you know, for once I did. My stupid purse! Because I’m stupid!

I know, there is no point in jumping to global conclusions about my mental capacities just because of one little brain fart. But still.

So there’s my random observation for this Lame Post Friday: I’m stupid. and my half-baked philosophy as well: no point in jumping to conclusions. I guess I’m done.

I’ll just add my usual explanation for the benefit of new readers (if any) and old readers who may have forgotten (I don’t expect people to keep track of ALL my silliness) that Lame Post Friday is the day I indulge in random observations and half-baked philosophy.

That was all I managed to write while at work. My day went downhill from there as I continued to make stupid mistakes and suffer petty grievances, none of which rate mentioning here. I mean, it’s one thing to suffer one stupid problem after another when you know you are going to at least get a humorous blog post out of it. Not today. It was a lame bad day.

Leave a comment

Posted in humor, lame, personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Lame Non-Sequiturs

Posted on March 29, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I saw on the news Tuesday morning (WKTV out of Utica, NY) that somebody had declared it No Complaints Tuesday. My rebellious nature immediately asserted itself.

I will naturally complain about anybody telling me not to complain. After all, we can help improve things by complaining about what’s wrong. And if we can’t change things we can relieve our feelings by expressing ourselves. I have a lot of intelligent, thoughtful, CERTAINLY NOT whiny complaints, and I am sure you do, too, gentle reader.

That is the cue for somebody to sniff, “I never complain. It doesn’t do you any good to complain. I look on the positive side always.” Well, if that is truly what you say, I bet a lot of your friends complain about you as soon as you leave the room.

I wrote the preceding Tuesday morning but decided to save it for Non-Sequitur Thursday. I actually continued my Tuesday in a non-complaining fashion, I think largely because I had gotten it out of my system with that silly diatribe.

So today is Non-Sequitur Thursday, but it is also my Friday — that is, Lame Post Friday — since I have tomorrow off. Score! I can be random, half-baked and none of it has to make any sense (I KNOW some of you are saying, “So what else is new?” and what an obvious thing to say. Find some new jokes!).

I intend to spend a good part of the weekend watching cheesy movies which I will write about for your entertainment. I have some waiting on my DVR especially for the purpose. I might also hit some local retail establishments in search of Easter goodies.

Hey, why is it there a moon on my watch (how’s that for a non-sequitur) (and a random observation)? It can’t mean p.m., because I have my watch set to military time (if you want to annoy some people, tell them it’s 16:48 when they ask you what time it is). It’s not that I’m such a gung ho, prior service kind of veteran (but feel free to call me Sgt Q). It’s that this way when I set my alarm for 3:30 or 5 I know it will ring in the morning. Just another little bit of security when I go to sleep at night that I’ll get up on time in the morning. Maybe the moon has always been there. Or maybe my watch is mooning me. Wise-ass Timex!

Well, that is over 400 words. I think that is plenty enough silliness for one day (is that half-baked philosophy?) (I know “plenty enough” is a tautology, but I like the sound of it). Time to get on with my weekend. Happy Thursday, everyone!

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, Non Sequitur Thursday, personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Desperate Times Call for Lame Measures

Posted on December 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

If ever I was in need of Lame Post Friday, today is the day.

For those of you just tuning in (I know I say this almost every week, but I believe I do occasionally have new readers), Lame Post Friday is the day I let myself off the hook with random observations and half-baked philosophy. It’s actually reprehensible of me, because I let myself off the hook on many occasions: Middle-aged Musings Monday, Wrist to Forehead Sunday, Non Sequitur Thursday (although I’ve only had one of those so far). Even Running Commentary Saturday is a little, dare I say, lame.

In my defense, I don’t always use these handy little hide-behinds. If I have something to write about, I write about it. In my further defense, I sometimes get a lot of “likes” on these silly posts.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I’m going to post every day, some of the posts are going to be lame. One might argue (you know, that one that’s always ready to argue. I hate that one): so don’t post every day! Wait till you have something to say! I think I’ve had that argument in this space before. So sorry to repeat myself.

It is pouring rain out (random observation #1). This is sad news for me and for the blog, because I was going to go to a tree lighting in Weller Park in Mohawk tonight. It would have made a great post tomorrow (or do I flatter myself?)! Hmm, guess it’s time for some half-baked philosophy about how it’s OK, because…

I got nuthin’. This is it folks: a short post, one random observation. I’ll do one thing. I’ll save this as a draft and post it after I eat. Maybe something will occur to me while I dine.

NOTE: Nothing occurred to me. But I did have some Heidleberg Bread, baked right here in Herkimer, NY from local ingredients. My Mohawk Valley Girl cred survives.

3 Comments

Posted in blogging, humor, lame, personal, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Lame Is As Lame Does

Posted on September 15, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had started to write this week’s Friday Lame Post, heavy on the half-baked philosophy and full of literary erudition (well, full of something), all about “Ode to a Grecian Urn,” but I feel philosophically unable to finish it today. Perhaps another Friday. Or it may do for a Middle-aged Musings Monday. That is for the future.

I seem to remember having kind of an existential crisis trying to write this week’s Monday Musings. It was supposed to be easy and it was not. Likewise with Lame Post Friday. I’m supposed to sit here rattling off a few random observations and some half-baked philosophy, then get on with my weekend. I can’t have two existential crises in one week. At least, I suppose I can, but I can’t very well blog about them both. So please, dear reader, ignore this paragraph, continue reading and pretend I am having an easy time of it.

Actually, as I type, I begin to think, “I can rock this.” And there is some writerly half-baked philosophy: Once you start putting words down, it is really not so difficult as it seemed when you were staring at the blank screen (or page, as the case may be). That is scarcely an original thing to say, but bear with me. I may come up with something better.

I randomly observed the most adorable little dog sticking his head out of the window of a car in front of me as I drove home today. I hoped he would not get excited and jump out, but if he did, I was prepared to throw on my emergency flashers, put the truck in park and run to the rescue. Then I saw he was sitting on a little boy’s lap, so I figured the kid would keep track of him. Good thing. That little dog could have outrun me with no problem. I probably would have been no help at all and just antagonized the motorists behind me.

I got pretty antagonized myself as I hit every light red, sitting through a couple of them twice because there was so much traffic. The other day I gave a co-worker a ride, hit most of the lights green, and observed to her how some days hitting the lights red bothers you more than others. Today it bothered me and then some. It would be nice if I could come up with some half-baked philosophy about this, wouldn’t it? Something to put it in perspective, maybe keep myself from getting so agitated next time. I’m thinking, but nothing’s coming. I guess I’ll fall back on my stand-by philosophy, “You’ll have that.”

I spent a good portion of my time at work trying to think of a lame headline. I don’t think that is a particularly good one, but it will have to do. I’m over 400 words now, so I think I can start my weekend. I’ll try to have some Mohawk Valley adventures to share, and maybe next week we can talk about “Ode to a Grecian Urn.”

Leave a comment

Posted in half baked philosophy, humor, lame, personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.
←
Newer Posts →