Category Archives: humor

An Unusual Voodoo/Witchcraft Kind of Guy

Posted on January 3, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’ve become suspicious of zombie movies, because the word “zombie” seems to cover such a wide fictional territory. Are they undead or just hypnotized? Flesh-eating or hate salt? Fast or slow? Body parts rotting or intact? There are many kinds of zombies.

Doubts aside, I DVR’d Plague of the Zombies (1966) from TCM in October. I ended up being glad I did. For one thing, it is a Hammer Film. I’m kind of a latecomer to the Hammer party, but I am a fan.

Spoiler Alert! I’m going to give away what seems to me important stuff, not just which kind of zombies these are. You might like to see the movie before reading this, if like me you like to be surprised.

The movie opens on some kind of voodoo ceremony. I don’t think the writers of horror movies research these things very well. I think they just put some half-naked Africans beating on drums and throw in whatever creepy stuff occurs to them at the time. In this case, it is a guy in a mask with a little doll (presumably a voodoo doll) and a vial of blood.

The voodoo doll is obviously female. Flash to a lovely woman sleeping restlessly. When mask guy starts chanting something weird, so does she. We see that her wrist is bandaged (and remember it later, of course). Suddenly she sits bolt upright and screams. End of prologue.

Next we meet a distinguished white-haired doctor and his beautiful blond daughter. They are going to Cornwall or the moors or someplace to help another doctor, who married an old schoolfriend of the daughter, investigate some mysterious deaths.

As the carriage rolls across the countryside, they see a fox, who is shortly followed by five guys in red coats on horses. What, no dogs? I don’t know much about fox hunting, but I thought there were always dogs. Anyways, the young bloods (I know that’s what they are, because that is how they are listed in the end credits) ask if anybody has seen a fox. Beautiful Daughter sweetly misdirects them.

Then it is on to the village, where a funeral is in progress. As Father and Daughter discreetly wait for the cortege to pass, the Young Bloods come thundering back and knock the coffin over a bridge. This makes for a nice creepy shot of the dead body.

The Young Bloods are mad at Daughter for misdirecting them. The brother of the dead guy is mad at both of them. I guess he blames them for the Young Bloods’ intrusion, which I personally thought a little unreasonable. Oh well, he is grief stricken.

It seems that twelve people have died. The families in this backward area will not allow autopsies, giving Distinguished Dad Doctor and Young Doctor a chance for some grave digging (“Could be worse; could be raining”) (oh wait, wrong movie).

We don’t have to wait too awful long to see the zombies, and they are scary. I was particularly fascinated by the motivations of the head bad guy, the leader of the voodoo/witchcraft kind of cult. He uses evil means to kill people and make them zombies, then utilizes them for a sound economic reason. He is also interested in beautiful young women for blood sacrifice purposes (less unusual in these pictures).

I kind of wish they had made more of the economic side of things, because that struck me as something different for a voodoo/witchcraft kind of bad guy. Any number of movie bad guys want to hypnotize beautiful young women for blood sacrifice purposes. However, zombie-izing young men to staff a haunted tin mine is a bit of entrepreneurialism that commands my respect.

Then again, I am a recently converted horror movie aficionado. Economics could play a time-honored role in zombie movies and I just haven’t seen enough of them. Obviously I have more movie watching to do.

In any case, I found Plague of the Zombies a delight. The dramatic conclusion is very satisfying, and Andre Morell as Distinguished Doctor Dad is an excellent hero. In post-movie commentary, Ben Mankiewicz mentioned that Morell is Watson to Peter Cushing’s Sherlock Holmes in Hound of the Baskervilles. That would be a good movie to see again. Love that Peter Cushing.

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Cold New Year’s Walk

Posted on January 2, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

This New Year’s I learned a valuable lesson: Party anyways. I have spent the day feeling as tired and useless as if I had tied one on last night, and I really did not. Then again, I didn’t have a headache or upset stomach, so perhaps I am onto something with this moderation and early bedtime. Still, I thought some people would like it if I began my post with “party anyways.”

I deem it acceptable to do one more vacationish post (I am, after all, the arbiter of these things in my own blog). I could wax philosophical about New Years, as many people do (half-baked for me, of course) (I’ll save it for Lame Post Friday). Instead, I offer another pedestrian post.

The cold snap continues in the Mohawk Valley. The next two days are going to be even worse, so we were determined to take our beloved schnoodle, Tabby, for at least a short walk today. We bundled up. Scarves, hats, mittens. I did not put Tabby’s coat on her. I thought to save it for the even colder days to come.

It had snowed. Snow has the advantage of offering some traction, so I thought it would be a less dangerous walk. Then again, it was so cold the snow didn’t pack down at all, and ice lurked treacherously underneath. I kept warning Steven to be careful. Then I worried a little about myself, because just about the time I’m warning somebody else is when I get into difficulties.

The sun was still up, but behind rather extensive cloud cover. We admired the eerie grey light which bathed the neighborhood. I especially enjoyed the sight of bare trees against the sky. I pointed out that if we had waited till after dark for our walk, we could have noticed who still had their Christmas lights on and been disappointed at those who did not.

I don’t understand this passion for taking decorations down so soon after the celebration. Traditionally aren’t we supposed to leave them up till January 6th? The sight of a few lights still up helps ease my post-Christmas letdown. We saw one tree still lit in somebody’s window, and a fox lawn ornament with a New Year’s hat and Santa socks.

Some Christmas trees were already out by the curb. One had almost no needles left on it.

“Didn’t they water it?” I asked in a disapproving tone of voice.

We did not go for a long walk. I was grateful when we were almost home, because my nose was running. I had provided myself with scarf, hat, mittens and poop bags, but had neglected a handkerchief. Then I noticed my mittens were beginning to wear out. Oh dear. I called Steven’s attention to this, but pointed out that as I had stolen them from my sister sometime in the late ’80s, I really had no room for complaint.

Well, that seems to me not too bad a post for a tired New Year’s Day (on Wuss-out Wednesday, I might add). Or do I flatter myself? No matter. It is time to get on with 2014. Happy New Year, everybody.

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At Least I Have Clean Socks

Posted on January 1, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought laundromats were supposed to be good places to write. For me they usually are. Well, it has been a bad writing vacation for me. I admit it.

I have read many times and in fact I knew it without reading it, that it is a fallacy to tell yourself, “Just wait until vacation; then I can write ALL DAY LONG.” You won’t, especially if you are out of the habit of writing.

In this instance, I am quite justified in arguing, “But I’m NOT out of the habit of writing!” I write a blog post every day, I work on my novel almost every day, I write letters, post cards, the TV Journal and miscellaneous other crap as the opportunity arises.

I feel quite misused by my own brain.

Those who love to give superior advice (you know who you are), say with a sniff, “If you WANT to write, you’ll write.” Thank you for your input. If I want to run a marathon, I’ll run a marathon. If I want to flap my arms and fly to the moon, I may have a problem. I could compare writing a novel to either of those desires, but I am really not up to metaphor today.

I fall back on what I have always said, one does one’s poor best.

And every day is an opportunity to do better. What an appropriate thought for New Year’s Eve (which is today). I can work on that novel as soon as I’m done typing this in. Or I can write a better blog post and leave this one in the wings for future use (in case of emergency, hit “publish”).

In the meantime, at least I got my pen moving.

As a side note: after I wrote the above, I turned a page in my notebook and wrote a post about a horror movie I watched yesterday. I think it is a good post and I will probably publish it soon. Waste not, want not.

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Can’t Walk Away from the Letdown

Posted on December 31, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

So it got nice and warm, then it rained, then it got cold again. Oh, I’m not complaining about the return of winter temperatures; that is to be expected. But did it have to freeze so quickly after the rain? Now the sidewalks are covered with ice. It makes an attempt at a pedestrian post interesting to say the least (and when have you ever known me to say the least?).

Here I am, in the middle of my post-Christmas letdown, not inclined to do anything, let alone seek out Mohawk Valley adventures. When I got dressed I realized most of my clothes are dirty. I finally put on a rather nice-looking skirt. You would think dressing up a little would make me more inclined to leave the house, but not so much. Still, dogs like to take walks. Perhaps a little fresh air and exertion would cheer me up.

I most recently fell on the ice Christmas Eve. You would think that with my fat butt, falling on the ice would hold no terrors. Well let me tell you, all that padding does not necessarily help. But I thought, I was unprepared for that particular patch of ice at the time. I would be careful. This would work. After all, ALL the sidewalks couldn’t be bad.

Yes they could. At least they weren’t all smooth. Most of them, in fact, were pretty rough, with ripples or footprints. However, I soon found the best place to walk was in the crunchy snow beside the sidewalk. Tabby got a little confused, thinking I wanted to cross the street, but she is very adaptable and we went on.

We had a bad moment crossing the street at a four-way stop when some lady in a car did not want to come to a complete stop. It looked like she was wearing a fur coat, which kind of gave me an oh-no-wonder feeling about it. We were in the road well before she had reached the intersection. I tried giving her the thank-you wave, but I have a bad feeling that if I would have fallen on the ice just then, I would be roadkill instead of writing a blog post right now.

Tabby became a little indecisive after that.

“Do you just want to go home?” I asked her. It seems she did, and she began pulling me that way.

Then we heard a guy yell and saw a dog bounding across a lawn, making right for Tabby. Luckily, it seemed she only wanted to sniff (I think it was a girl name the guy called her). He hollered for her till she went back to him.

“Sorry about that,” he called.

“That’s all right; it just startled me.” We went back home, sticking to the crunchy snow as much as possible. A nice lady paused before entering a driveway we were about to cross. She waved us on before pulling in. That is what polite motorists do.

The whole walk did not take very long, but I felt it had been more effort than many shorter walks. The cold air did not freeze out my letdown, unfortunately, but I do not repine. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, sometimes you just have to feel a way till you don’t feel that way any more.

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Wrist to Resolutions

Posted on December 30, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

So there I was, ready to enjoy a Sunday of doing nothing when I remembered I had rashly promised my blog readers I would do SOMETHING blogworthy today. Of course nothing came to mind.

I took a walk with Tabby, making careful note of every step. It might have worked if I had sat down and written it immediately on returning, but, well, I did not do so.

I cooked a rather effortful dinner, suitable for a cooking post. But I just don’t feel up to describing my tribulations with pizza dough. It was fortunately not a wrist-to-forehead situation, since my hands were covered with flour at the time. By the way, the pizza turned out pretty good.

That leaves me with the threatened post about New Year’s Resolutions, which I believe I also mentioned yesterday. Have any of my delightful readers made New Year’s Resolutions? Some people don’t. Some people brag about how they don’t, implication being that they are perfect as they stand. Or at least above doing what everybody else does. I’m not judging.

I have not made any New Year’s Resolutions yet. I intend to do a few things: lose weight, start running again, exercise more, finish my novel… and I plan to do these things after January 1st. But I can’t say they are really New Year’s Resolutions, because I was working on them prior to this. I plan on working on them more betterly after January 1st, because the holidays will be over.

Hmmm, that doesn’t make a really scintillating post about New Year’s Resolutions. I guess I can’t give up Wrist to Forehead Sunday after all. Hope to see you all on Middle=aged Musings Monday.

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Walking toward 2014

Posted on December 29, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I took my schnoodle Tabby for a walk earlier, I vaguely hoped for enough material for a Pedestrian Post. The main reason for the walk was not to blog, but because dogs like to go for walks. I had to leave for a few hours and I hoped she might like to nap after a stroll.

I was happy to be wearing my insulated sweatshirt instead of warmer, bulkier wear. I found the fancy not-supposed-to-mess-up-your-hair earmuffs I had given Steven some years ago. He almost never wears them. I don’t either, because in avoiding your ‘do, they tend to push dangly earrings right into your neck. Ouch! So I left off the earrings and saved the coif.

Some of the sidewalks were bare due to the recent warmer temperatures, but it was not warm enough to make a lot of messy mud. In other words, almost perfect winter walking temperature. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the walk, which is good for me, but there isn’t really a whole lot else to say about it.

I did warn you people that I might be posting nothing but foolishness until 2014. At least, I think I said something like “all downhill from here” but that was what I meant. On the brighter side, that’s only four more posts. On the duller side, why do I think things are going to get better just because the calendar changes? I remind myself, it will be Wuss-out Wednesday on January 1st.

Take heart, gentle reader, I promise to do SOMETHING blogworthy tomorrow. And if I don’t write about it right away, I can always philosophize half-bakedly on New Year’s Resolutions. What’s that? You think mine should be to do fewer foolish posts? Say it ain’t so!

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Post Christmas Lame

Posted on December 28, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Did I already use that title? I can’t seem to find it, but I’m too lazy to really search my previously published posts. Or should I say I’m too lame?

So was anybody hoping I would NOT have Lame Post Friday this week? In my defense, I am completely in vacation mode. All I want to do is, you know, nothing.

One topic I still have waiting in the wings is local stores I hit for Christmas shopping. Unfortunately, there are still a few family members who have not yet received their Christmas gifts. They MIGHT read my blog and they MIGHT be clever enough to say, “Ah-HAH! She’s getting me …!” Or they may get their hopes up thinking I got them something totally other than what I got them. I can’t take the pressure! (That last sentence is said with wrist to forehead, of course.)

I can briefly mention that I went to Heidelberg Bakery in Herkimer, NY on Christmas Eve to purchase bread for Christmas dinner. Yum! I’ve given them a shout-out before.

Just two small problems: the actual visit was not particularly eventful. And, well, my sister had fixed such a magnificent feast that none of us remembered to eat the bread.

Oh dear, I can’t put that in my blog! The Heidelberg people will never forgive me! We ate some of the bread the next day. I ate some today and expect to eat more with supper. It is very yummy bread.

Well, this post just continues to degenerate. What can I say? It looks as if my post-Christmas letdown is kicking in. It may be all downhill till 2014. I hope at least somebody stays tuned.

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I’m Still on Vacation

Posted on December 27, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

To make this Non-Sequitur Thursday, I’m not even going to mention in the body of the post that I’m on vacation.

Oops.

Be that as it may, today is Boxing Day. Not being ready to deal with my post-Christmas letdown, I decided to celebrate the holiday. I was not exactly sure the best way to set about this, so I got all 21st century and asked on Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess I could have googled or tweeted or something. Well, I’m not all that 21st century and I happened to be on Facebook at the time.

I got three suggestions (before I wrote this; there may be more now). One friend pointed out that it is also The Feast of Stephen, so I should eat something yummy. Excellent advice! I eat yummy things at every opportunity.

Another friend suggested a box of red wine. Brilliant! We all know I occasionally indulge in wine, box or bottle. In fact, I have a box of white wine on my kitchen table right now. I’m sure that would count.

The other suggestion (appropriately enough from a gentleman named Stephen) was boxing gloves. One of my stock greetings is, “Do you want to fight about it?” Based on that, I would say I celebrate Boxing Day every day. Come to think of it, one could argue that based on eating yummy things and getting a box of wine, I am a real Boxing Day maven.

I don’t imagine Boxing Day will ever obtain the prominence of Christmas in our culture. However, based on my limited knowledge and experience, I recommend it to all. Happy Boxing Day, and I hope to see you on Lame Post Friday.

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Picture This

Posted on December 25, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

My place of employment considers both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to be paid holidays. Therefore I shall feel free to make another silly post, in addition to yesterday’s bit of whimsy (do you think that is a nicer word than “nonsense”? Discuss amongst yourselves).

The Mohawk Valley has gotten a dusting of snow for Christmas. Isn’t that delightful? The look without the pain of shoveling. As I write this I am aware that in other parts of the country people are sitting around in their shorts by barbecue pits thinking of our White Christmas with scornful pity. Well, to each his own, as the old lady said when she kissed the cow.

I am in Rome, NY for the holidays (thieves, don’t take note; there is really nothing in my house worth stealing) (I do this joke every time, but if you go to rob my house anyways, please clean the bathroom, it needs it again). Perhaps by next year I will get the proper camera or smart phone and be able to post pictures to this blog. That would be a good thing, because the city of Rome has some of the nicest Christmas lights around.

Some of the display came from a large, fancy restaurant called Trinkaus Manor, which tragically burned down some years ago. Many people from Rome cherish memories of driving out to Trinkaus at Christmastime to walk around and see the lights. After the restaurant burned down, the city ended up with them. What a great Christmas gift. I hope later on tonight to take a drive downtown and see the sights.

I see now where this would have been a better post with pictures. Oh well, one does what one can. It is Wuss-out Wednesday after all. Once again, Merry Christmas.

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What, Bloggers Don’t Get Holidays?

Posted on December 25, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Merry Christmas Eve, to all my readers, regular and irregular (you know who you are).

It’s Tuesday, but it feels like Saturday, because I have the day off;, it feels like Sunday, because I’m very wrist-to-foreheady; and it feels like Friday, because I’m about to do an extremely lame post (and what does my computer mean by telling me “wrist-to-foreheady” is not a word? You all know what I mean, don’t you?).

My current stress is really all my fault, because of my silly obsession with posting every day. Not all bloggers post every day. Some post weekly or three times a week or just when they darn well feel like it.

Full disclosure: I don’t really feel all that stressed. I love Christmas Eve; it is my favorite day of the year. I confess to a certain… urgency. I want to post this before I have to finish loading the SUV and run a couple of errands before picking up my dear husband at his not-so-dear job (YES! We’re happy he has a job in this economy; doesn’t mean it couldn’t be a little better in some respects) (ooh, that might form the basis of some half-baked philosophy for when it really is Lame Post Friday).

I don’t have to finish it right now. We are going to my parents’ house and I could happily make my blog post from there; I’ve done it before. Only by then I will want to sit in the kitchen, eating good food and making silly jokes with everybody.

You know, it really is great fun to sit here at the computer typing nonsense. Who invented this blogging thing? I must send that person a thank you note.

Ooh, almost 300 words. That’s quite respectable. I’ll try to say something less nonsensical tomorrow. Then again, it will be Christmas.

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