Category Archives: humor

Wuss-out Walk

Posted on November 14, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

For this week’s Wuss-out Wednesday, I offer a brief pedestrian post about a walk my husband and I took with our schnoodle, Tabby.

What I mainly wussed out of today was running. I spent all day at work trying to psyche myself into a running state of mind. I pictured myself running. I thought about various streets I particularly like to run on. I anticipated with relish writing a blog post about the run. All to no avail.

Well, you can look superior all you like, but the only ones who really are superior are the ones who actually did run today. To those readers, I hang my head in shame. To all others I explain, “Shut up.”

It has gotten cold in the Mohawk Valley, as one expects it to do in November. We even had some snow. Naturally I’ve been singing “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” but not too loudly, because I don’t want to get punched in the nose.

All that long introduction is because the walk was actually short and uneventful. It was cold. I keep telling myself, not as cold as it’s going to be. I had on my insulated sweatshirt, toque and gloves, so I felt pretty comfortable. It was about to get dark, helped on by sporadic cloud cover. We could see the moon, at a little more than half.

“The full moon is Sunday,” I told Steven. “We’ll have to take a walk after dark then.”

Everybody’s Halloween decorations seem to be gone, except for a few rotting pumpkins here and there. Some scarecrows remain, as well as pots of mums, but those are appropriate for Thanksgiving and fall in general. We saw a lighted Christmas tree in one window.

“It’s too early, but it’s pretty,” I said.

Tabby trotted along in a businesslike fashion, stopping the usual amount of times to sniff. She led us down Bellinger Street to Meyers Park. We saw a few trees that still had colored leaves on them, although in the fading light it was difficult to see the color. The trees in the park were mostly bare. I love the sight of bare branches against a grey sky.

Going up Prospect Street, we passed the parking lot for Basloe Library. I had thought to go there tonight, before opting for the walk. They are open till seven Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Perhaps I’ll make it there on Saturday. I haven’t gotten my library fix in a while.

We did not take a very long walk, but we enjoyed it. Another good thing about the cold was that a hot shower felt really good. I am now feeling all cuddly in my sweats. Having written my blog post for the day, I retire to plot real Mohawk Valley adventures for the rest of the week.

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A Hastily Thrown Together Post

Posted on November 13, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I worked on three different posts today and I’m not going to use any of them. Instead I offer a cooking post on tonight’s hastily thrown together supper.

I arrived home close to five o’clock with my husband, Steven, due to arrive at 5:30. I felt pressed, I felt stressed, but I was on the job. After petting my dog (priorities, you know) then washing my hands (food safety, of course), I peeled and chopped an onion. I chopped it fairly small, because onions sometimes take a long time to cook, but not too small, because I didn’t have a lot of time to spend chopping. I put it in a pot with a lid, added some olive oil and put it over medium heat, so I would have something to turn down from when it started to sizzle.

I peeled and crushed some garlic and set the timer for fifteen minutes, so it could reach its full anti-oxidant qualities. Then I realized I could actually sit down for a few. After all, the onions did not need to be stirred constantly.

The onions were practically done, some of them even browning when the timer went off. I put the garlic in the pot and stirred it up. Leave it like that for a while? Check the time. Steve would be home soon. Check the onions. Getting soft.

I added a can of chicken broth and a can of water. Then I put in some frozen spinach. For seasoning I added lemon pepper (actually the bottle says Lemon and Pepper Salt Free), McCormick All-Purpose Salt-Free for Savory (or something like that)(I know I could go downstairs and check the bottle, but it’s been a long day), and parsley flakes. I briefly lamented that I could no longer get fresh parsley from the garden, but after all, people who package dried seasonings need to make a living, too.

When the broth boiled, I added cheese tortellini. It took a little longer to cook than package directions said, because it took a while for the broth to get back to boiling, but that was no big deal. Steven had arrived home just before I added the tortellini, and he had left again to go put air in my soft tire. Did I mention he is a very good husband?

Side note: Yes, I KNOW I can pump up my own soft tires. Steven offered to do it before we ate, so it would be done. Yes, I owe him a favor. Stop shaking your feminist fingers at me (you know who you are).

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Curse You, Vincent Price!

Posted on November 12, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

What is it about Vincent Price? I start to write a perfectly straightforward post about one of his movies and I get all bogged down and confused and it takes me days to get it right.

At least, the one I started today hasn’t taken me days yet, but I can see which way the wind is blowing. First it was The Tingler. Now it’s The Mad Magician. What’s a blogger to do but write about the problems she’s having writing. (I didn’t end that last sentence with a question mark, because it is rhetorical. I don’t need any smart answers from the peanut gallery.)

After all, I avoided Wrist to Forehead Sunday. I think I’m entitled to a Middle-aged Musings Monday. I shall muse about my trials and tribulations as a writer.

The problem I had with The Tingler and am having with The Mad Magician is neither Writer’s Block nor Writer’s Blank. It’s quite the opposite. I have too much to say (some people think I have too much to say at all times, but I daresay they don’t read my blog, so we need not consider them).

Usually, having too much to say is not a problem. I just write and write till it’s all said. I find that fun. In this case, however, my thoughts do not flow in a logical fashion. I start out talking about pre-movie commentary, jump to the plot, jump back and add in the spoiler alert, remember something I forgot from the commentary, go off on a whole other tangent.

Some may say that’s still no problem. Just write it all down they say, perhaps in a condescending, overly patient voice (you know who you are). Sort it out later. Well, that is what I’m doing. However, these things take time and effort and a good deal more oomph that I can generally muster on a Monday.

I repeat, what’s a blogger to do?

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Not My Usual Sunday Run

Posted on November 11, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Pouring rain and cold outside, me coming down with a cold inside, but dammit, I wanted to run. When the rain let up, I set out.

My thermometer said it was in the 40s, but I thought it probably felt colder, what with the rain and wind. A wind warning had been issued for Oneida County, which is just a few miles down the road. I wore pants, a long sleeved t-shirt and a headband covering my ears. I was glad of all three, especially the t-shirt, whose sleeves were long and loose enough to cover my hands. Actually, I had to be careful or the cuffs started to flap in the breeze.

I had gone down German Street to Caroline when I last ran, six days ago (say it ain’t so!), so I turned right on German this time. I thought about it being Sunday, and how my previous Sunday Run included running by the high school, which is on the other end of German. Well, this would not be a usual Sunday run, I told myself.

I had thought to run almost to the end of German, but I hadn’t gone a block when I saw some people walking a dog ahead of me. It was not a small dog. I’m not afraid of dogs, especially when their people are right there, but this group seemed to take up a lot of space. I turned down Prospect Street.

That was OK. I could run to Meyers Park. It used to be a thing with me to always go through Meyers Park at some point in my run. Now I only sometimes hit it. It seemed to take a long time to make it all the way down Prospect. Well, you know my middle-aged shuffle.

Through the park and onto Park Avenue. Doesn’t Billy Joel mention Park Avenue in his song “Big Shot”? I thought the people who live on that street probably enjoy saying, “I live on Park Avenue,” in a hoity-toity tone of voice. Then I realized that if I ran all the way down Park Avenue, I would be practically at the high school. I could do my usual Sunday run in the opposite direction. Score!

It was grey and gloomy, but I didn’t mind that. When I thought it was starting to rain again, I wasn’t thrilled, but it didn’t amount to much. I admired some colored leaves still on trees. Fall isn’t quite over yet. My run was going pretty well, but I was tired by the time I reached the high school.

The few times I’ve been running lately have not included many hills, so the slight upslope to get out of the parking lot looked a little challenging (I did mention I was tired by then, right?). Don’t be silly, I told myself. That’s no hill. Back on German the continued gentle upslope made me feel even more tired. Then I reached a point where I knew it was all downhill. Not a real downslope, mind you, but aaaahhhhhh.

I had not thought to try to increase my run time, since I’ve been so inconsistent about getting out. However, due to where I had run, I found I had added the recommended ten percent to last week’s time. It started to rain again while Tabby and I walked my cool-down. I felt grateful that I had run. Now I contemplate the upcoming week, hoping it is not so long before I am out there again.

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Oh No! It’s a Love Story!

Posted on November 10, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have not done anything really blogworthy so far today (although I may mock something up about my earlier gyrations), so I thought I could watch a cheesy horror movie to write about. I love to write about cheesy horror movies, and it’s Saturday afternoon. What better time for a monster movie? (Actually, in my estimation, any time is a good time.)

So after my usual Spoiler Alert, let’s get on with it.

I DVR’d I Walked With a Zombie (1943) from TCM sometime in October. Only an hour and fifteen minutes long. Perfect!

Of course I knew zombies in older movies are not usually the disgusting flesh-eating zombies we know and love from more recent fare (full disclosure: I haven’t seen a more recent zombie movie than the 1968 Night of the Living Dead; I just thought the expression “we know and love” would sound cool). Still, I thought catatonic undead, mindlessly obeying the nefarious behest of some villainous sort, what’s not to like?

Once again, I was in for disappointment. Oh, it was a perfectly good movie. I watched with interest. But it wasn’t a monster movie, it was a love story! It was based on a novel, and I know just the sort, because it is the kind I used to read all the time, in the tradition of Victoria Holt, Phyllis Whitney, and whichever Bronte sister wrote Jane Eyre.

In fact, when I looked it up in Leonard Maltin’s 2011 Movie Guide (Signet, 2010), I read that it was loosely based on Jane Eyre. Maltin says it with an exclamation point, like he just can’t believe it. I can believe it. Brooding romantic guy in an exotic setting with a crazy wife, wholesome young thing to fall in love with him. That’s Jane Eyre. The charming younger half-brother and the wise (or IS she?) mother are more from the Holt and Whitney canon.

The atmosphere is pretty well done, and the voodoo scenes are creepy. There is one voodoo’d guy who is my idea of a 1940s zombie: bug-eyed, shuffling, doing what the voodoo guy orders him to do, pretty scary, although you could probably outrun him.

Perhaps I didn’t need the spoiler alert, since I haven’t said too much about the plot. I won’t, either, because I think the movie is worth a watch, as long as you don’t have your heart set on a monster. For a romance novel, it makes a fairly decent horror flick.

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Yes, Another Damn Headache

Posted on November 8, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Dear Reader,

Please excuse Mohawk Valley Girl from making a blog post today. She has a very bad headache.

Sincerely,
Mohawk Valley Girl

OK, that was really lame, and it is not Lame Post Friday yet. I would like to spout out some half-baked philosophy regarding the contention that a foolish blog post is better than no blog post at all. But, again, half-baked philosophy is for Lame Post Friday. What I am really hoping for, however, is I Don’t Have a Headache Friday.

Interesting phenomenon: I dragged myself from my sickbed to write just a couple of lines so that I’ve posted something, and I can’t seem to stop typing.

OK, now I can.

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What a Wuss

Posted on November 7, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s Wuss-Out Wednesday and I’ll just have to feel bad about that, if I’m inclined to. I’m not, really. It’s been a bad week so far. Bad for novels, bad for blogs, bad for running and bad for cute little doggies.

Tabby had to go to the vet for some dental work today. She had to be sedated, and Steven had to leave her there for a few hours. I don’t know who was more upset about it, him or her. I heard about it via cell phone at work, and I wasn’t exactly cheerful about it myself.

I would like to give a shout-out to Mohawk Valley Veterinary Clinic, where we bring her. They are very nice there and very professional. I’d like to give a real plug to them, sharing some pertinent information, but right now I’m busy wussing out. Oh dear.

Tabby is fine now. They called Steven and told him he could pick her up between 4:30 and 5, which information he duly relayed to me. I thought Tabby would like it best if we both came to pick her up. So, naturally, I could not go running. At least, if I had been in better shape, I suppose I could have run to the clinic and met Steven there. Um, I did mention this is Wuss-Out Wednesday, didn’t I? Well, I wouldn’t like to run without Tabby anyways, because she always walks my cool-down with me.

So this is me, wussing out on a Wednesday. No Mohawk Valley adventures are in the offing, so the rest of the week may seem wussy as well. What can I say? I live to write another day.

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Did You Scream?

Posted on November 6, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

During our Halloween movie viewing, Steven and I enjoyed what is perhaps the quintessential William Castle movie, The Tingler (1959).

We had seen The Tingler once before, but that was in Georgia over ten years ago (yikes!). I did not remember much about it, except for the tingler itself, which was pretty funny. I mean scary. OK, both. I have to confess, while we were watching it this time, I was fixing supper, so I missed a few parts entirely. Hey, if you don’t think it’s important to feed your spouse and eat well yourself, well, that’s where we differ.

William Castle was a producer and director who was quite the showman. He didn’t just make a movie, he gave his audience an experience. I’ve talked about him before. He did things like put a nurse in the lobby in case any audience member keeled over from fright. During House on Haunted Hill, a skeleton on a wire flew out over the audience at a dramatic moment. His gimmick for The Tingler involved wiring certain seats in the audience to deliver a startling sensation to unsuspecting movie viewers.

I’ve been thinking somebody ought to release a boxed set of William Castle movies with props. They could include a nurse’s hat so one of your friends could pretend to be on hand in case of fright emergencies (I forget which movie that went with), a skeleton to wave over the audience during House on Haunted Hill, and some sort of joy buzzer for The Tingler. But I digress.

In The Tingler, Vincent Price is a mad scientist whose area of study is fear. Of course he does not consider himself mad (I know, they never do), and his aim is not world domination or even untold wealth, as it is for any number of other mad scientists. He believes he has the good of mankind at heart. His handsome young assistant and the assistant’s beautiful girlfriend agree.

The tingler, Price finds, is an actual thing that attaches itself to your spine when you are frightened. It can kill you, but you can stymie its fell intent by screaming loudly. There does come a point when the audience is encouraged to scream, but Steven and I did not. The windows were closed, but we might still have startled the neighbors. My scream is piercing.

I don’t want to say too much about the plot (the parts I remember around cooking dinner, anyways), because this is one of those movies best enjoyed by letting it unfold before you. I thought it was very fun. I recommend catching it if you get the chance, and if it frightens you… SCREAM!

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Wrist Firmly on Forehead

Posted on November 4, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, it is Wrist to Forehead Sunday after all.

I went wine tasting in the Finger Lakes yesterday with certain female members of my family. I’m a little tired today. Oh, stop looking so smug and self-righteous; I didn’t taste all that many wines. I was no more obnoxious than I am in the usual course of things (I know, some feel that is plenty obnoxious enough). However, it was a long day, and I am not a young woman.

Steven and I went for a walk with Tabby just now, thinking a pedestrian post would be acceptable on a Sunday. Hmmm… not much of a walk. No interesting anecdotes resulted. No striking observations or even silly jokes.

I put some chicken in the oven, so I suppose I could make something of a cooking post. Hmmm… that would take far more words than I am at present inclined to type (I did mention that it was Wrist to Forehead Sunday, didn’t I?).

I looked at the draft I am STILL working on about The Tingler, only to discover that there is at least a page and a half still in my notebook I haven’t even typed in yet. And I believe there is still more to write (it is going to be SUCH an anticlimax when I finally publish that damn Tingler post; it’ll never live up to expectations now).

So, I guess this is my Sunday post. A few lame excuses and a half-hearted preview of coming attractions. I wish I could muster the exuberance of last Sunday’s declared day off. Oh well, we all do what we can. I hope to see you on Monday.

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The Head-Shaped Dent.

Posted on November 3, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Here is a good way to cause trouble at work:

First you say to Minerva, “You should take that metal basket and hit Endymion over the head with it so it will make a head-shaped dent in the basket.”

If Minerva does this, you’re all set. If she does not, the next time you see Endymion, say, “Minerva said she was going to hit you over the head with that metal basket so it would make a head-shaped dent in the basket.” Then when Minerva says no, that is what YOU told her to do, say, “Would I say a thing like that?” You might have to practice your wide-eyed look of innocence, unless you are already really good at it, like I am.

If trouble has not yet ensued, you can later say to Endymion, “I lied earlier. Minerva never said she was going to make a head-shaped dent in the basket. She said she would make a basket-shaped dent in your head.”

Later on, when Pyramus takes one of the baskets, you can tell him that Minerva will probably hit him over the head with it, making either a basket-shaped or a head-shaped dent, depending. It is unlikely Minerva will deny this.

This trouble-making method will work in almost any workplace that has people named Minerva and Endymion. I don’t mention Pyramus is this paragraph, because doesn’t everybody know a Pyramus?

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