Category Archives: humor

Musings on Movies

Posted on August 31, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

A day after I had watched the last cheesy movie I wrote about, I wanted to watch another cheesy movie. Before I had a chance to suggest one, Steven had turned on a Lifetime movie starring an actress he likes. Well, what could be cheesier than a Lifetime movie, I asked myself (I didn’t answer, of course. It was a rhetorical question. Don’t you just hate people who answer rhetorical questions?).

Lifetime movies have been around a long time. I remember watching the Lifetime channel back in the ’90s (no, not the 1890s — stop making old age jokes!). The movies quickly got a bad reputation. I remember reading a review of one in Entertainment Weekly that said something to the effect of, “It is clear by now that Lifetime cannot make a convincing suspense movie. The culprit is always a man, any man — men, the beasts!” I daresay I don’t have the exact quote, but I remember Steven and I being highly amused. Lifetime movies got a kind of a plug in a short-lived sitcom in the late ’90s. I don’t remember a single thing about the sitcom except that the main guy’s roommate was addicted to Lifetime movies. Apparently all he did all day was sit on the couch and watch them.

I have not really watched a Lifetime movie recently that I can recall. I didn’t pay too much attention to Sunday’s, either. I was busy reading an Agatha Christie play and doing an anacrostic puzzle (I love anacrostic puzzles). Anyways, I’ve been burned by Lifetime movies in the past, and not just because the culprit was a beastly man. They always kill off the characters I like, and they are not kind to animals.

Oh, I know, no animals were harmed in the making of etc. The actors playing the characters I like aren’t really dead, either. It still upsets me. I just have to share one example.

First scene of the movie: woman hears her dog barking and comes out of her bedroom to see these guys cleaning out her house. Dog stands at the top of the stairs barking and barking. Woman stands mesmerized till the guys turn around and see her. She still just stands there till her daughter comes out of her bedroom. Dog is still barking. Woman grabs daughter and pulls her into her bedroom, leaving the dog to his fate. She drags a dresser in front of the door and calls 911. When the cops get there, of course the poor dog is dead.

What the hell? That dog was barking at the bad guys for like ten minutes before anybody did anything! Wouldn’t they have liked to silence him before he woke anybody up? He’s still barking when the woman is OBVIOUSLY calling the police. WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO TO KILL THE POOR DOG NOW???

Therefore, when I saw a cat in Sunday’s movie, I made up my mind not to pay too much attention. As it happened, kitty-kat lived. Grandma, however, did not. And now I’ve given away a major plot point. True, I have not mentioned the name of the movie. Still, anybody reading this may tune into a Lifetime movie and if there is a grandmother and a cat, sit there wondering if this is the one where granny gets it but the cat does not. Let that be a lesson to me.

I kind of forgot where I was going with this when I started writing it. Unfortunately, it was all I had to write about today. I suppose we could chalk it up to a little pre-Friday lame… no, wait, I have a better idea. I didn’t do Middle-aged Musings Monday or even Mid-Week Musings. I shall scroll back to the top and type in the title you will have read before you read this paragraph. Happy Thursday, everyone.

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Super Shout-Out

Posted on August 30, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

This post is a follow-up to my posts on the Superhero Sprint, which took place last Saturday sponsored by Herkimer Now. Once again, Herkimer Now is a group aiming to revitalize downtown Herkimer, NY.

First a correction: If you read the original post, you may recall that a lady with a microphone was kidnapped by two villianesses at the beginning of the sprint. The lady was actually grabbed by Cat Woman not Leaf Woman, as I had reported. In my defense, my back was to the microphone at the time. You see, she had mentioned the hot dogs at the end of the race, and I had turned around to tell people I would knock them down to get to the hot dogs. Hey, I’m a villainess too, remember? (Oh, stop shaking your fingers at me! I didn’t knock anybody down. I didn’t take a hot dog, either, in case there wouldn’t be enough. I even kept Tabby from bothering those that had them.)

Leaf Woman, I’ve been informed by a reader, was probably Poison Ivy. That name does sound familiar, now that you mention it. The reader went on to be self-deprecating about being dorky, but I assured her it was no such thing. Being well-read in a genre is often mistaken for dorkiness by the uninformed. I get that all the time regarding Shakespeare (just kidding; I am neither smart enough nor well-read enough to be mistaken for a Shakespeare dork).

Now onto the important part of the post: giving a shout-out to the local businesses that supported the event. The hot dogs I mentioned were donated by Crazy Otto’s, which was handily located at the finish line. If I had come to the run with non-canine companions, I probably would have stopped in for a snack after the festivities. It is a really good place to eat.

The popcorn and cotton candy, also available at the finish line, were provided by Collis Hardware. I talked a little about Collis in a previous post. Regular readers (if any) may call that Tabby pulled me in to enjoy a moment of air conditioning and being petted (that is, Tabby enjoyed being petted, and we both enjoyed the a/c).

Woody’s Ice Cream donated gift certificates for prizes. I have not been to Woody’s for ice cream recently so am glad to be reminded. They are located in that little plaza between State and Mohawk streets, between Autozone and Vintage Spirits.

Wal-Mart donated a $25 gift card. I don’t usually plug big box stores, because they lack the local cachet I seek and because I don’t think they need my help (oh, like I’m so helpful. Still, I have some readers). However, I must give credit where credit is due: Wal-Mart does support the local community.

I’m glad to have the opportunity to talk more about the Superhero Sprint and about its organizer, Herkimer Now. The event was a great deal of fun, enjoyed by both participants and spectators. I think it’s wonderful that we have a group working to improve our village. For more information on Herkimer Now, you can visit their Facebook page. Tell them Mohawk Valley Girl sent you.

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I Do Love a Mad Scientist

Posted on August 29, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Spoiler Alert! In my defense, I don’t think I give away anything that is not on the blurb from the DVD box.

Saturday afternoon I popped in a cheesy horror flick — uh, I mean one of 50 Horror Classics — just to make sure I would have something to blog about in the coming week. I watched Maniac (1934). Steven was at work, but I figured if it was any good I could always watch it again with him and if it was really bad I had spared him.

The movie begins with a long section of text on the screen (no, not a text message! This is in the olden days when “text” just meant words not pictures) supposedly from some psychology book or learned article. This device was used periodically throughout the film, and it was pretty annoying, because the sides, top and bottom were cut off. I think it was meant to add resonance to the story or to clue us in on what was happening psychologically. Or maybe they originally meant it for a silent movie. I couldn’t tell.

In the first scene a mad scientist wants his assistant to steal him a dead body for his experiments. So far so good: mad scientist, dead bodies, experiments. What’s not to like? The assistant protests. Of course, he says, he is grateful to Mad Scientist, but room and board is not adequate compensation for this chore. The argument goes on for a bit till Mad Scientist says the police would probably like to know where the Assistant is.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”

I laughed. It was so much like, “I have no gate key.” “Fezzig, tear his arms off.” “Oh, you mean this gate key.”

The best way to steal the body, it turns out, is for the Assistant to impersonate the coroner. It seems the Assistant is an ex-vaudeville type who used to do impressions. If he’s that good an actor, one would think he would be the toast of Broadway by now. At the very least I would think he could use his skills to score a better hideout than Mad Scientist’s pad. But I daresay I’m reading too much into things, as usual.

So Mad Scientist and Assistant successfully filch the body of the (of course) beautiful young woman (not that she sticks around that long, even as window dressing). The morgue attendants are completely fooled by the impersonation of the coroner. Later on a brilliant cop immediately begins calling vaudeville houses trying to track down the criminal.

Meanwhile, back at Mad Scientist’s laboratory, the experiments continue. Mad Scientist has this heart which he has revived from the dead. It’s in a jar, beating rather expressively. Seriously, that thing looked as if it was watching what was going on and offering commentary, if only it was hooked up to some vocal chords so we could hear it.

Mad Scientist wants the assistant to kill himself so that he, Mad Scientist, can bring him back to life with the heart in the jar. Suddenly stealing dead bodies doesn’t seem like that bad of a chore, does it? Mad Scientist hands Assistant a gun to use. Hmmm… what do you suppose is going to happen?

Things get complicated after that. It’s actually a pretty fun movie. I kind of wish I had paused it when I went out to the kitchen to make popcorn (with oil on the stove and melting real butter for it, of course). Then again, I think it is one Steven would like to see. Perhaps I’ll write a second review when he does. Stay tuned.

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Super Sprint

Posted on August 28, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

For those of you just tuning in, this is a continuation of yesterday’s post about the Superhero Sprint sponsored by Herkimer Now, a group working to revitalize downtown Herkimer, NY. It took place last Saturday, Aug. 25.

I had planned to walk from my house to the event. Tabby was happy enough when I got her into harness and leash. However, once out on the driveway in the hot sunshine, she just stopped and looked at me. That’s what Tabby does when she does not want to walk any further.

I tried to encourage her, but she was having none of it. What to do? I did not see how I could go without her. After all, she was the superhero. I was only the villain-cum-hapless-sidekick. I knew Tabby would add a lot more to the event than I would.

“Should we take the car?” I asked. She seemed to like the suggestion. I went back into the house to get my purse and car keys. Tabby pulled me right up to the car, proving she understood what I said.

I found a parking space half a block from the registration table, which was in front of the court house. Tabby didn’t seem to want to walk even that far, so I carried her. Once we got closer to people, she was a lot happier to be there. Tabby loves people. Almost everybody wanted to pet her, which of course was perfectly fine with her.

After signing in and paying my two dollars, we wandered over to the shade of Christ Episcopal Church, where other people were congregating. There were lots of kids and their parents, mostly dressed in Halloween costumes. I noticed a preponderance of Batman (and girl), but there was an adorable Supergirl in a wagon holding a Spiderman stuffed toy, and a beautiful little redhead in a filmy green costume with lots of leaves. I’m not sure who she was, but I’ve mentioned I don’t read comic books or even go to the movies very often.

“I should have borrowed a kid,” I said.

“That’s your kid,” a lady said, referring to Tabby. I knew I had been right to bring her.

One girl had on a t-shirt with peace signs.

“I’m Peace Woman,” she said.

“Your superpower is Not to Fight,” I said.

“Sometimes to not fight is really hard for me,” she said.

“Oh, to not fight is hard for all of us,” I assured her. I thought it was a great superpower and was glad I was not the only original character there.

One woman had on an impressive Cat Woman outfit, complete with enormous spike heels.

“I would not advise sprinting in those,” I told her.

“I can barely stand in them,” she confided.

“Well, you look terrific,” I said. She really did. I couldn’t rock that costume if I stayed on the South Beach Diet for the rest of my life.

Eventually we all lined up in front of the court house and a lady with a microphone got things started. She asked for a cheer from all the superheroes, then went on to thank some real life heroes who had made donations for the event. She also gave a shout out to those other real life heroes: policemen, firemen and EMTs, some of whom were present.

“And I want to thank the villains who have called this temporary truce,” she continued. Cat Woman and a woman in a leafy outfit similar to the little redhead’s were standing near a fabulous red convertible, trying not to look suspicious.

Suddenly the truce was called off! Leaf woman grabbed the lady with the microphone and pulled her into the convertible. They sped off down Main Street. The superheroes had to sprint to the rescue!

Tabby hurried down the street with the rest of them, not, much to my surprise, stopping to sniff at anything. At one point one of the littlest superheroes needed rescuing; I heard somebody crying for Mommy. But for the most part everybody loved it, participants and spectators who watched from the sidewalk.

At the end of Main Street, we were offered hot dogs, cotton candy and popcorn. Tabby pulled me through the open door to Collis Hardware. I was happy to follow and enjoy a little air conditioning. The lady behind the counter said it was OK for a dog to be in the store and even came out from behind the counter to pet Tabby. A man in the store asked if she was a pit bull.

“Just an ordinary attack dog,” I said.

He said he was just kidding. I told him how Jim Parker at the Ilion Farmer’s Market says she’s a vicious attack dog because she shows her teeth.

I returned to the sidewalk while they drew for prizes (I didn’t win) then made the long trek back up Main Street to where I was parked. In cooler temperatures and ordinary clothing it does not seem so long. I felt a little self-conscious being in my costume not surrounded by others in costume, but nobody seemed to mind.

We drove back home and reverted to our normal personas. I think the Superhero Sprint was a resounding success. Everybody there seemed to have a great time. I’m sure I’m not the only one who hopes it will become an annual event.

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What All the Cool Villainesses are Wearing

Posted on August 26, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yesterday (Saturday) was the Superhero Sprint, sponsored by Herkimer Now, a group looking to revitalize downtown Herkimer, NY. I am completely behind that mission, so if I can help by looking foolish and having a few laughs, I definitely will.

Two days before the event, Steven and I went up to our attic and looked through some of our Halloween stuff. I easily found my big black cape, although I was skeptical of how comfortable that would be in the bright sunlight. Also, it looked a little vampirish. Then I found a large rectangle of blue and silver shimmery stuff and a piece of filmy white fabric. I could not find the small red cape I thought Tabby could wear, but I found a Christmas bow I could attach to her harness. I figured she would wear that without too much complaint and it would at least be costume-like. The rules stated all participants must be in costume, but I was sure they would use a generous definition of the term. Besides, who would tell a cute little dog she couldn’t run?

Steven preferred the blue and silver material for my cape. He said I could use the white, “But, remember, that’s the bowling pin’s Halloween costume.” Well, what does your bowling pin wear for Halloween?

I took a large pink t-shirt and drew a big C on it with fabric pen. I took another color and wrote “Evil Woman” over it and “CinCin” under it. I found a pair of shorts to go with it. Maybe real super villianesses wear tights (I’ve seen pictures), but perhaps they have a higher tolerance for eighty degrees in the sun.

My hair was more problematic, because it is growing out and has reached that annoying in-between stage where you can’t really do anything with it (I’ve been wearing a do-rag to work). Finally I put a headband on, then fastened to that the large white flower I wore a few weeks ago to the H.A.L.O. Luau Party. Pink running socks and blue running shoes completed my ensemble.

I pondered my eyewear for a moment. Generally when I run I wear a pair of old plastic glasses I got for cheap specifically for the purpose of running. Still, I didn’t think I’d be running very fast for this event. For one thing, I didn’t think Tabby would want to. And that sun was bright. I put on my purple prescription sunglasses. I thought they went with the outfit. I slathered on lots of sunscreen and put a couple of Tabby poop bags in my pocket. I was ready to go.

And I think I’ll sign off here, because I see I am over 400 words. Not a huge amount, of course, but I think I’ll find a LOT to say about the actual event. Stay tuned.

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A Day Lame and a Dollar Short

Posted on August 25, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I didn’t have Lame Post Friday, so that means I can make a lame post today and get away with it. I almost added, right? But I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. I can get away with this. Um, maybe I’m telling myself. But I digress (wait a minute, maybe that could be some half-baked philosophy, if I find myself short).

Full disclosure: I did not have to work today. The reason I didn’t have my usual Lame Post Friday is that I thought I was working Saturday, thus robbing Friday of its usual charm. But things changed halfway through the day. Then Friday got a lot more charming for me. Still, I had already written the post about Dirty Work at the Crossroads. Waste not, want not.

Tabby and I took a walk to the post office to mail a couple of post cards. I do love sending people post cards. One was of the Herkimer County Courthouse, located on the Historic Four Corners, which regular readers know Tabby loves to walk by. I’m sending a cousin in Norwich a series of post cards of the Four Corners. So far I’ve sent her the Historical Society and the Courthouse. I know I have one of the 1834 Jail, but I lack one of Herkimer Reformed Church. Perhaps I could go by the Historical Society later today and look for one. Might be good for Sunday’s blog post.

As we walked back home, incidentally heading up Main Street to go by the Historic Four Corners, I noticed (randomly observed) that Herkimer is repainting a lot of the crosswalks and such on the roads. I’m happy to see this. Of course, it’s only a small step towards getting cars to actually stop for pedestrians in crosswalks, but still, it’s a step in the right direction.

I thought about my blog post. I had meant to write about our walk to the post office (oh, I guess I did, in fact, write about it), but it seemed to me that nothing much was happening. I knew I could fall back on a lame post, since I had threatened to do that yesterday. I pondered some half-baked philosophy about the meaning of Friday, and did it have the same meaning when it had lost its usual meaning for half the day. For knowing the meaning of a lot of words, I often ponder the meaning of “things” without coming to any definite conclusions.

This is certainly a lame post. In my defense, I’m all hepped up about the Superhero Sprint later today. Will it be too hot for me? Will people point and laugh as I walk from my house to the starting point? Do I know where on Main Street the actual starting point is (I don’t; I thought I’d just walk up and down Main Street looking for other folks in capes)?

I guess that last paragraph can function as a preview of coming attractions. And this whole thing will have to function as today’s post. Happy Saturday, everyone.

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Dirty Work in the Works

Posted on August 25, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I might be working Saturday so obviously Friday is Just Not the Same. Therefore, I will post lame tomorrow. Today is more in the nature of Preview of Coming Attractions (lame enough, you say? I explain, “Shut up”).

(Note for regular readers to ignore: Usually Friday is Lame Post Friday, where I post random observations and half-baked philosophy. I hate saying it every week, but I don’t want to confuse new readers, if any.)

My husband Steven, as you may already know, loves the theatre and is very talented at many aspects of it (I don’t just say it because I’m his wife). I started to say he is a noted thespian, but that sounded too hoity-toity, artsier than thou (although I liked that Saturday Night Live sketch about the Master Thespian. “I’m ACTING!”).

Where was I? Ah yes, praising my husband. He has acted in several Ilion Little Theatre productions and gotten praise from audiences, directors and fellow cast members. He has been wanting to direct, which he did in college and other community theatres. He’s a good director.

All this by way of introducing Ilion Little Theatre’s 2012 Fall Production, Dirty Work at the Crossroads.

Dirty Work is a gay ’90s melodrama. That’s 1890s, not 1990s, which featured a different kind of gay. Steven thinks I’m silly to worry that people will get the two confused. I think some people don’t know what a melodrama is.

A melodrama has a definite hero, heroine and villain, and the audience is encouraged to cheer and boo accordingly. I suppose there is a fear in these post-ironic times that audiences will go the other way, but I hope not.

The villain should be a truly evil, mustache-twirling bad guy; the hero brave, true and handsome; the heroine… well, I personally might be a little disappointed in the heroine, because I think she just needs to be beautiful, good and get rescued. I haven’t read the play yet, so I don’t know for sure. Maybe this heroine has a little more on the ball. I can hope.

Melodramas usually feature exaggerated characterizations and emotions, and wild, exciting plots. These are the plays where the heroine gets tied to the railroad tracks. I’m told that doesn’t happen in this play, although I quite thought it did, since the set features railroad tracks. Oh dear, I hope I haven’t given away a major plot point (or lack thereof). I’d better check with Steven before I post this.

Auditions for Dirty Work at the Crossroads are set for Wednesday and Thursday, Sept. 5 and 6, at Ilion Little Theatre, The Stables, Remington Avenue, Ilion, NY. Production dates are October 19, 20, 21, 25, 26 and 27. For more information you can go to their website at http://www.illionlittletheater.org or you can Like their Facebook page. You can also stay tuned to Mohawk Valley Girl, as I intend to post updates. I also plan to audition. Do you suppose my husband will give me a part?

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I Might Be Super

Posted on August 24, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Some time ago Steven saw a Facebook posting about a Superhero Sprint to be sponsored by Herkimer Now. He immediately recognized it as something that would interest me. It appealed to me on several levels.

In the first place, I’ve been meaning to sign up for more runs, to keep my legs moving if for no other reason (there are other reasons). In the second place, Herkimer Now, as I understand it, is a grassroots organization working to revitalize downtown Herkimer. That is definitely a worthy goal to support. If any other reason is needed… Superhero? Dress in costume? I am so there!

So I signed up right away and began pondering who I would be and what I would wear. I rejected out of hand any known heroes or villains. For one thing, I have no faith in my ability to render a convincing costume that is supposed to look a certain way. More importantly, for a person like me, it is much more fun to make something up.

I thought back to an old nickname of mine, seldom used but never forgotten, and decided to be a villainess: The Evil Woman CinCin.

I feel I should make a side note here. In general I try not to use gender divisions as in villain/villainess, hero/heroine, actor/actress (and here’s an interesting side side note: the word villainess isn’t even in my dictionary). As they say, we don’t call women doctors doctresses. (As another side side note, I believe I’ve used the term “waitress” in this blog, and I’m sorry about that. It’s a hard habit to break.) In the case of the Evil Woman CinCin, however, villainess seems to be the way to go.

I decided my superpowers would be an unerring knowledge of grammar and an extensive vocabulary. I would tell people I was didactic in the extreme, and if they asked what that meant I would tell them it means the same thing as pedantic. Bwah ha ha ha ha! I have a dictionary and I’m not afraid to use it! Oh, if only I would use my powers for good!

I decided my dog, Tabby, could accompany me. Of course she can’t be a villain or even a villainess. She’s too sweet. She’ll be the superhero whose arch nemesis I am. By day she is Tabitha, mild-mannered schnoodle. But when there is evil to fight she is… The Tabbiest! Her superpowers are extreme cuteness, unfailing friendliness and lots and lots of love (I think a lot of dogs share these superpowers). Oh, and the ability to forgive, another enviable canine trait.

I figure by the second book in the series, Tabby has reformed The Evil Woman CinCin and I become her hapless sidekick.

Having come up with this elaborate backstory, I’ve done nothing else about coming up with a costume. I figure I’ll go up to my attic and find a cape amongst my Halloween stuff. I’m not nuts about the idea of wearing a black cape on a sunny summer afternoon, but maybe one is reversible and I can put the red side out. And, yes, I saw The Incredibles (good movie); I know all about why supers should not wear capes. I don’t care. It’ll be a great visual, even if I don’t run very fast. Besides the cape… well, I’ve still got two days to come up with something.

And now, being me, I begin to second guess myself. Do I really think I am going to look any other way than doofy no matter what I come up with? When, you may well ask, have I ever had a problem with looking doofy? Then, too, I will be attending this even with only my dog for company. Won’t everybody else be there with friends and family? Will anybody speak to me or will I be lonely as well as doofy?

My fear of inadequacy increased when Herkimer Now posted on Facebook a picture of a member with rather impressive looking Wolverine claws. It wasn’t just that this guy is obviously going to have a way better costume than me. It’s that I’m not quite sure who Wolverine is (didn’t Hugh Jackman play him in a movie?). I realize I am not the least bit current with superhero lore. The last time I read comic books regularly was the early ’90s, when a friend who collected used to loan me his Justice Leagues. He also loaned me some Sandman, but I think that is more what you would call a graphic novel. Or are they all graphic novels now? You see how I have not kept up.

I don’t even watch superhero movies. The last one I saw Steven rented a couple years ago and I HATED it. (I shan’t tell you what it was, because I’m afraid of getting death threats from rabid fans.)

The one aspect of the whole thing I am not worried about is the run itself, even though I have not run a step since the DARE 5K. The Superhero Sprint, according to advance publicity, is not very long and the object is to to go very fast (unless, I suppose, that is your superpower). The object — stand by for me to start worrying again — is to be in COSTUME!

Looking back at the persona I’ve come up with, I gotta admit: pretty nerdy. And not a little cerebral. Will people get it? Or will I just look kind of dumb? You know, I had even thought about carrying a dictionary. That could get heavy. And I’d probably drop it on my foot.

What’s a Mohawk Valley Girl to do?

I sought reassurance on the Herkimer Now Facebook page. I posted asking how many people had signed up and admitting to being a little intimidated by that Wolverine guy (I got all cute about it and referred to him as the guy with the funky manicure). No response so far.

I will probably come up with some semblance of a costume and show up. Why not? Main Street in Herkimer is less than ten minutes from my house. If I get overheated or embarrassed, I can just walk home. And if I don’t get overheated or embarrassed, I’ll probably have a pretty good time.

The Superhero Sprint is from noon to 3 p.m. Saturday, August 25, Main Street, Herkimer, NY, with registration in front of the Courthouse. Registration is $2, to benefit Herkimer Now.

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Star-Studded Something

Posted on August 23, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last Sunday Steven and I took a break from cheesy horror movies and our usual Sunday crime shows with a star studded Agatha Christie which had not previously come our way: Evil Under the Sun (1982). TCM showed the movie Saturday afternoon. I set the DVR to tape it for our subsequent enjoyment.

I had read Evil Under the Sun and thought I kind of sort of remembered the solution. That hardly mattered. For one thing, if Dame Christie had adapted the story herself she may have changed the ending, as she did in at least two of her stage adaptations. I don’t think she adapted any of the movies, but I believe Hollywood has been known to make changes as well (No! Hollywood make changes? Say it ain’t so!).

I love a star-studded Agatha Christie movie. We have two on DVD: Murder on the Orient Express (1974) and Death on the Nile (1978). We also have my personal favorite, Witness for the Prosecution (1957), which, although its cast boasts at least four well-known actors is for some reason not a Star-Studded Agatha Christie.

That raises the interesting (to me) question of just what makes a Star-Studded Agatha Christie Extravaganza? Hmm. I guess “extravaganza” is too big a word, but just plain “movie” is too small, and “star-studded Agatha Christie” seems lacking. Leave that for now. Let’s look at “Star Studded.” That implies that there must be something to stud. Something already showy or exotic or glamorous. Evil Under the Sun is set on a tropical island. Death on the Nile takes place in the mysterious Middle East. Murder on the Orient Express happens on a famous luxury train. All three have costumes to die for. My favorite is Angela Lansbury in Nile, but Jacqueline Bisset on Orient is noteworthy, and Maggie Smith in Evil can give them both a run for their money.

So I think that’s a major component of a Star Studded Movie Event (better than extravaganza?). It’s fun just to look at. I think another important component is that most of the stars must at some point be suspects. Witness for the Prosecution is a suspense play as much as a murder mystery. The question isn’t so much whodunnit as how is Charles Laughton going to prove that Tyrone Powers didn’t do it? In my star studded vehicles, almost everybody has a motive and in some cases means and opportunity as well. It is the task of Hercule Poirot to prove that the one who couldn’t possibly have done it in fact did (oh dear, did I give too much away? Well, these movies are enjoyable even when you know whodunnit).

There’s another element many star studded attractions have: Hercule Poirot, Dame Christie’s famous detective. I believe there are a couple of star studders I’m not familiar with featuring her other sleuth, Miss Marple (I’ve read that Christie preferred Miss Marple to M. Poirot, but I love them both). Audiences and readers tend to like a series detective, and producers and publishers really, really like them. But that’s a whole other blog post.

So now I have digressed almost completely away from the movie I started to write about to the tune of about 500 words. And now Steven tells me I left And Then There Were None (1945) off my list of Agatha Christie movies we own. How remiss of me! Now I’ll have to watch that one again, to see if it meets my criteria for a Star Studded Romp (oh, that’s even worse than “extravaganza”! I’ll work on it).

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DARE to be Different

Posted on August 21, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I always compare the Herkimer, NY DARE 5K favorably to the Utica Boilermaker. It is, perhaps, an unfair comparison. Herkimer is a village, Utica is a city. The Boilermaker is an international event, the DARE 5K is a local fundraiser. Of course I love the Boilermaker. Just look at how many posts I’ve written about it — even last year when I didn’t run it.

But there is no denying the Boilermaker puts on the pressure, and not only because it is three times as long. To pick up my packet I had to drive to Utica two days before the event, threading my way through an intense amount of traffic on my way to a HUGE running expo. At least by driving I would be sure to have my driver’s license with me, because you must show ID and ONLY pick up your own packet (actually, I think this year there was some provision to have somebody else pick up your packet for you, but that didn’t concern me).

Showing up for race day itself is something of an ordeal. I was dropped off, so I had no parking worries. Others were not so fortunate (neither was I, two years ago). 14,000 runners is certainly a lot. We were herded through a field around to the end of the starting line (instead of easily walking there by the most direct route), where the enormous number of porta-potties was yet not enough. And the crowd at the end of the race. Yikes! I just managed to find my way to where I was meeting my ride.

Of course the Utica Boilermaker is a wonderful thing in which to participate. There is even a kind of a fascination in being part of a crowd that large. But crowds are not and will never be one of my favorite things.

Compare all this to the Herkimer DARE 5K, whose starting line is conveniently located about three blocks from my house. I realize they did not do this as a personal favor to me, but I certainly enjoy it.

My schnoodle, Tabby, and I walked down to pick up my number and goody bag the morning of the race, leaving early enough to be one of the lucky first 200 who received a t-shirt. I knew it would be all right for Tabby to walk into the social hall of Christ Episcopal Church, because she has been there before. Last year I picked up my nephew’s stuff, too. It was most convenient.

I brought Tabby back home, because this year I did not have a cheering section to take charge of her while I ran. I walked back down shortly before 8:30, when the Junior Fun Run began. I wandered around, taking in the scene.

Lots of runners were stretching, chatting, drinking water. They all looked more athletic than me. Well, now how could that be, I reasoned with myself. I ran the Boilermaker, for heavens’ sake! Of course, I have slacked off on my training since then. And, let’s be honest, I did not exactly run the Boilermaker. It was more of a middle-aged shuffle.

I don’t know why I have to freak myself out this way before these runs. I know perfectly well that I am going to run slower than most yet faster than a few, and that I will handily run the distance without walking yet give myself a VCD attack by sprinting it out at the end. These things are not unpredictable. Just run your run, I tell myself.

That is also what other runners tell me. I got into a nice conversation with two young ladies before the race. I told them I was going to mention them in my blog, but I don’t imagine they will actively seek it out, which is just as well, because I’m not being nearly as descriptive as I had imagined I would be.

A lady from the Herkimer Telegram was looking for somebody to say something she could use in the paper. I told her we were there because it was fun.

It was fun. And, dare I say, relaxing. The run was on familiar streets, and afterwards I walked myself home with a minimum of fuss. What’s not to like?

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