Category Archives: humor

Getting Ready for the Weekend

Posted on February 12, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I started my weekend, as reported, with a Valentine Wine Tasting at Vintage Spirits in Herkimer, NY.

Now, I could have gone straight from work. The tasting began at 4 p.m., I usually hit Herkimer by 3:50. That’s only ten minutes I would have had to dawdle or otherwise occupy myself. Then I could have tasted wine all blue collar in my steel toed work shoes and BDU pants. I opted to go home and shower first.

I confess, I dressed a little fancy for the occasion. Not exactly on purpose. See, I don’t have many clothes that fit and not all of those are clean at any given time. The only covering for my legs I could find were fancy pantyhose. I can’t hide fancy pantyhose under a long skirt. I put on my red Lands End t-shirt dress, which is knee length. It’s short sleeved, so I sought a pullover sweater to wear.

That entailed pulling down numerous sweaters from the top shelf of the closet in the second bedroom. We really need a step stool, I thought, for just such an emergency. Then I thought about how seldom I wear my sweaters and decided not to bring up the matter to Steven (he’ll read about it here, but I can’t worry about that now). I left the rejected sweaters in a semi-neat pile (and by “semi-neat pile” of course I mean “in a heap”) for later straightening.

I put on some black beads and found three earrings I liked (I have three holes and my earrings almost never match) (I wore the black elephant, purple spangly cat and twisted Black Label beer can, in case anybody was wondering). My wedge heeled black clogs completed the outfit, and I found my teal raincoat to wear over it. A warmer jacket might have been more appropriate, but I figured as long as I was looking pretty I might as well go all the way. As it turned out, I was actually plenty warm (I know some of you nicer readers were concerned).

As I got into my truck (cautiously due to the skirt and heels) (I love the image of driving a pick up truck in skirt and heels), I reflected that some might think this an elaborate get-up considering I was going to a liquor store taste wine and straight back home afterwards. As I write about it, I reflect that some may think it is a silly thing to write a whole blog post about. However, I am equally sure that some of my readers will find this fun and perhaps get a chuckle out of me and my fancy pantyhose (I have another pair to wear today). To those people, I blow you a kiss. To the others, folks, this is me. What you see is what you get. I’ll talk about the wines tomorrow.

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There’s Stuff To Do Here, Too!

Posted on February 11, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

The other day a co-worker pondered, “To work or not to work this weekend?”

I asked, “What fun things do you have planned if you don’t work?”

Well, he did not have anything specific in mind; he thought he might take a ride to Syracuse. “Syracuse has so much more to offer.”

Of course Mohawk Valley Girl could not allow this to stand unchallenged, so I said, “There are things to do around here!”

“Like what?” I knew he would ask that.

“For example,” the only thing I could remember offhand, “H.A.L.O. is having a sock hop this Saturday in Mohawk.”

“Do they still have sock hops?” This led to a discussion of sock hops, ’50s clothes and another co-worker’s sense of fashion. I went back to writing yesterday’s post, which is what I had been doing before. But now I’ve got some leisure, I reflect on the question: what all can one do in the Mohawk Valley this weekend?

Personally, I intend to start my weekend with the Valentine Wine Tasting at Vintage Spirits in Herkimer on Friday. On Friday or Saturday I could stop by the Indoor Farmer’s Market at Clapsaddle Farm on Otsego Street in Ilion (I’ve blogged about that numerous times). Representative Richard Hannah is holding office hours in Frankfort Saturday afternoon (OK, that’s probably not the kind of excitement my co-worker was looking for). The sock hop I mentioned earlier is preceded by a spaghetti dinner.

That’s just off the top of my head. I could look in the Herkimer Telegram or Utica OD and come up with more. The area also offers numerous restaurants and clubs. I guess I’m not much on clubs, but I’ve blogged about several area restaurants. I hope to cover more.

I suppose it’s true that a larger area such as Syracuse will offer more restaurants, stores, events and attractions. And my idea of fun is not for everyone. After all, I am happily entertained by a walk with my dog. A sock hop, spaghetti supper or other fundraiser is a delightful evening for me.

What’s wrong with that? My co-workers may have raised their eyebrows at the sock hop idea, but I bet they would have a fun time if they showed up. I say, look at what’s available where you are at. You just might be surprised at what you find.

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Superbowl Snacks

Posted on February 10, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought I was without a blog topic today when I remembered: I had threatened to blog about my Superbowl snacks.

I had purchased some fake crab meat with the intention of making cocktail sauce, heavy on the horseradish for my sinuses. Some prefer shrimp for such a purpose, and sometimes I do too. This was a crab meat kind of week — cheaper, perfectly tasty and actually a little easier on the stomach (seafood purists will please not make gagging noises; just repeat to yourself: to each his own, as the old lady said when she kissed the cow).

I use my mother’s cocktail sauce recipe, which I believe she got from this giant cookbook she has had since she was first married. I don’t know what the cookbook is called, because the first and last pages are long gone, but if I ever see one like it at a garage sale or used book store, I will buy it. It has everything! I could write a whole blog post just about that book (oh, there’s a good idea for the next time I’m stuck).

The other snack I made was a hot wing dip which I planned to serve with untoasted whole wheat pita wedges, to be softer on my still cracked tooth (as of Sunday; it’s fixed now). I got this recipe from a bottle of Frank’s Hot Sauce one morning a couple of months ago when we were having breakfast at Philly’s Breakfast House (just for a little local connection). I wrote it in my ever present notebook.

I did not cook with wine on Sunday, because I intended to drink beer later for sentimental reasons. My grandmother on my father’s side was always a big Giants fan, and she loved her beer. I remember many Sundays at Grandma’s house with Grandma enjoying a beer and rooting for the Giants. I was going to have a beer and root for the Giants in her memory.

However, I did cook with crime. It’s all very well to watch the Superbowl for Grandma, I did not care to watch the all day coverage (which I’m sure some people enjoyed very much). I knew Snapped was on Oxygen in the afternoon. A further perusal of the guide on digital cable showed me a few episodes of Dateline on ID on Investigation Discovery. Then I remembered Weekend Mysteries on HLN. I gasped with delight when I saw not one but two episodes of Dominick Dunne’s Power Privilege and Justice. I love that show!

So I watched crime and crocheted, then jumped up to cook during commercial breaks. It was a delightful way to spend the afternoon. I will include the recipes, in defiance of possible copyright laws, in case anyone is interested. The cocktail sauce recipe is jotted down in a notebook I bought at the Dollar Store in Augusta, GA in 2000 (seriously). I had a habit of calling Mom every time I wanted to make cocktail sauce and asking her to read me the recipe. Finally I put the by now fairly crappy notebook in with my recipe books. And now there is a page torn out of a recent notebook with the hot wing dip recipe joining it.

Cocktail Sauce

2 TBS horseradish
3/4 C ketchup
3 TBS chili sauce
2 TBS lemon juice
dash tabasco

No further instructions are written, but I’m sure you get the idea. I go heavy on the horseradish and tabasco (sometimes substituting whatever hot sauce I happen to have on hand), light on the lemon juice.

Hot Wing Dip

8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 C bleu cheese dressing
1/2 C hot sauce
1/2 C crumbled bleu cheese
2 C diced cooked chicken

Place cream cheese in deep dish, stir in other ingredients. 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

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By the Light of the Steveny Moon

Posted on February 9, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I see the full moon on the calendar each month I always hope to at least remember to look out the window and see it. Tuesday I actually managed to go for a walk under it.

I’ve been trying to take my schnoodle, Tabby, for a walk every day. She likes it and I need the exercise. Sometimes my husband, Steven, accompanies us. Tuesday, remembering the impending full moon, I conceived the idea of taking our walk after dark. I had meant to call Steven from work and if he was still at work (I can’t seem to keep track of his lunch times), leave a message on the machine inviting him on a romantic moonlit stroll with his two favorite girls (assuming one of them is me). I actually forgot to do this. I was busy leaving messages about how I’m working this weekend and my dentist appointment got changed (you know, trivial stuff).

As it happens, I am one of Steven’s favorite girls (phew!), and he was happy to go for a romantic moonlit stroll with me and Tabby. Waiting till dark also gave me a chance to get a couple of things ready to mail, so our walk could take us to the post office. Does walking with a purpose make it less romantic? I didn’t think so.

I saw the moon right away, half hidden by some trees and a house, so right away I felt the walk was successful. Tabby did not howl at the moon as her wolf relatives are supposed to do, so that was good. As we approached Myers Park, we were able to see the moon better, a perfectly round silver ball.

It was beautiful, but a romantic moonlit stroll? Not so much. For one thing, it was not exactly a stroll. Tabby set a brisk pace, and we were glad to follow suit, because it was way cold. I knew those springlike temperatures would not last, but oh, I could have enjoyed one more day of them. I think Tuesday was the sort of night it would have been more romantic to cuddle under a blanket in our house and look out the window at the moon. Not getting too close to the window, you know, because of the draft.

Nevertheless, it is always good to take a walk with one’s favorite husband and dog (yes, I only have one of each, but they are still my favorite). And a week from Valentine’s Day is not a bad time to start thinking about romance. A Mohawk Valley Valentine, there’s an idea for a post.

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Pre-Superbowl Errands

Posted on February 8, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

Superbowl Sunday, I perceive, is a good day to avoid certain retail establishments. Accordingly, I made sure I had all the foodstuffs I wanted ahead of time (Hannaford), and, well, I just decided I could wait to purchase more yarn (Wal-Mart). Still, I had a couple of errands to run, and that forms the subject of today’s post.

My first stop was Hummel’s Office Plus in Herkimer, NY (of course NY, I’ve pondered the necessity of including that and still have not decided) to purchase a sympathy card. Of course I like to walk to Hummel’s with my dog, but that’s more for a short stop to say hello, not standing for any length of time pondering sympathy cards (does everybody have as hard a time deciding as I do?).

I had a nice conversation with the girl working upstairs. My blog came up in the conversation (OK, I bring it up whenever possible; you never know who might like to read a blog). She offered to show me how to download pictures from a smart phone. If I ever get a smart phone.

I wanted to use a card rather than cash, so I went downstairs to add some office supplies to my purchase. Much more fun to look at. I have a definite thing for office supplies. I found a clip board such as I have been wanting and a black gel pen with a comfort grip.

Next I went to Ilion to gas up my truck. I’d heard that gas in Ilion was eight cents cheaper than in Herkimer, although I confess I did not look particularly to make sure that was true. I thought I might go out to breakfast in Ilion or Mohawk to write the day’s blog post. I love writing in restaurants.

I could see from Citgo that the OPEN sign at Farm House Restaurant was not lit, so I drove past Remington Arms and on into Mohawk. Mohawk Diner did not look open. The Family Fun Center was open, but I was well beyond it before I saw a parking space. On into Herkimer and my old stand by, Philly’s Breakfast House.

Philly’s was crowded, as usual for a Sunday morning. I sat at a wobbly table by the window. It shook quite a bit when I cut my Eggs Benedict, but I managed not to spill my coffee. I warned the fellow that cashed me out that the table needed a screwdriver or something. He promised to take care of it.

I headed for home to look for something more useful to do before it was time for the Superbowl. Like take my dog for another walk or watch more crime shows on cable television. And of course prepare some Superbowl-worthy snacks. Could that be the subject of the next blog post? Stay tuned.

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Middle-aged Meanderings

Posted on February 7, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I know, I said Mondays would be Middle-aged Musings Mondays. Well, on all my breaks at work I sat with a notebook in front of me and mused. And was not amused. I may look at those paragraphs later and find some perfectly usable stuff, but today I don’t like it. So I’m going to talk about the nice walk I just took with my schnoodle, Tabby.

It was a beautiful day that felt like spring. Warm and sunny, not too much breeze. I still had on my BDU pants from work but changed out of the steel toed shoes into my yellow-laced running sneakers. The “goth” jacket my sister-in-law gave me (her grandkids call it that because there’s a skull on it) and a black toque completed my crazy old lady outfit. We set off.

I tried to go a different direction from the one we took yesterday, but that put the sun directly in my eyes for the foreseeable future. We turned around. Now the late afternoon sun cast a long shadow in front of me. I looked tall and solid with a little pinhead. I guess that was the toque; otherwise I would have seen my spiked hair.

Tabby wanted to turn down Main Street. She likes Main Street. I noticed a house that still had artificial poinsettias in the window box. It was a white house with red trim, so it fit. A car a little ways ahead of us pulled into a driveway to turn around. The young man driving was moving pretty fast but luckily saw the cars coming and did not pull back out too quickly.

The sun was now to my right, so when I got between buildings I looked to the left to check out my shadow again. A little more proportional, but still fairly tall and pinheaded. Later we went by the big glass windows at Working Solutions. Now I could see my real reflection. Hmmm, kind of dumpy. Oh well, one can work on these things. At least my head looked normal sized.

We walked through the little park by Basloe Library and made our way toward Meyers Park. Tabby wanted to do a lot of sniffing. I indulged her while I waited for traffic to clear at the four way stop. A cute little white dog was in the park with his people. We people exchanged greetings, but the dogs did not seem too interested in each other.

It was a very pleasant Mohawk Valley walk, although I suppose I could have done more Monday Musing. Oh well, there’s always next week.

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Walking with a Nefarious Purpose

Posted on February 5, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I spent a good portion of my time at work on Friday pondering my movements for the evening (while still working; I have that kind of a job). I wanted to go to Hannaford, I wanted to go to the liquor store, I definitely wanted to walk my dog. Then the title “Walking with a Nefarious Purpose” came to me, and there was no looking back. Tabby and I were walking to the liquor store (see, I have a hard time with titles; when I think of one I like, I go with it).

Longtime readers may recall some months ago I wrote a post titled “Walking with a Purpose,” in which Steven and I walked our dog Tabby to Hannaford. Steven and Tabby waited outside while I went in and made our purchases. Steven was still at work, so he could not aid me in my purposes, nefarious or otherwise. However, I thought I could get away with taking my dog into the liquor store briefly.

I feel I am being a little silly even calling it a nefarious purpose. I was not purchasing alcohol for minors in order to corrupt their morals. I just wanted to enjoy a glass of white wine and maybe cook with it. I actually had it in my head to purchase a box o’ wine (the crowd I used to run with always referred to it as “box o’ wine,” studiously leaving off the “f”). For one thing, box o’ preserves the wine better if you don’t intend to drink it all in a short time. For another, I had discovered a flavor I liked.

Off we went. It was a lovely afternoon for a walk, not too cold, no precipitation. Ramar’s Liquors, where I intended to go, is a fairly short walk from my house. We were two blocks away from it when Tabby tried to make a left and head in another direction. I convinced her otherwise, but she tried again at the next corner. I hoped she would not insist. I can usually win an argument of this sort with a 17 pound dog, but I am not here to torture my poocher. I want us both to enjoy the stroll.

The box I wanted was right inside the door. Excellent! The lady at the register did not seem to mind my pooch being there. I had brought a reusable bag to carry my purchase. For one thing it had longer straps I thought I could put on one shoulder.

Tabby was happy to head in the direction of home. So was I, although it did seem to take a longer time. Maybe a small bottle would have been better. Or I could have taken Tabby for a walk and driven to the liquor store later. As the ever-heavier box bumped against my hip, I was only thankful it was not beer. I pictured opening a can of beer that had bounced on my hip for ten minutes and wondered if that would be a fun thing to do at my next party. I was just kidding, of course; I don’t have college-flavored parties any more.

The walk home was not really bad, but I thought it would make a better blog post if I suffered a little. For those of you with nefarious purposes of your own, Ramar’s is located at 104 N. Caroline St., Herkimer, NY, 315-866-9897,

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Middle-aged Musings Monday

Posted on January 31, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

OK, here’s my new thing: Middle-aged Musings Monday. I do love alliteration.

As I drove to work this morning (I’m sitting in the break room prior to my shift, writing this), I was thinking about all my potential topics for today. I had a pretty good weekend, Mohawk Valley-wise. Nothing really inspired me. Then the phrase Middle-aged Musings came to mind.

Of course, “middle-aged” is problematic. How do I really know I’m in the middle of my ages? I could die tomorrow. That would mean I was middle-aged at 24. I sure didn’t feel middle-aged at 24, although at least one young man worshiped me as an Older Woman (you may thing “worshiped” is a strong term, but leave me alone; it’s my memory). I pretty much feel middle-aged if not downright old these days. This is not a bad thing. I have experience and I have perspective. And I’m rocking the grey hair.

The nice thing about Middle-aged Musings is whatever I say works. With Mohawk Valley Girl, I think some posts are more on topic than others. One could argue, and I do, that everything technically works since I am in the Mohawk Valley as I write it (with a few notable exceptions; one must visit relatives after all). I believe I’ve hashed out the Mohawk Valley thing before. Sorry to repeat myself; I brought it up to compare/contrast with my new topic.

OK, so far I’ve mused about the fact that I’m going to muse on Monday. Largely due to the fact that on Monday I feel I have no muse (you knew I was going to make that pun sooner or later). Oh dear, I hope the Monday to Friday thing isn’t going to start kicking my butt now!

See, I went from retail hours to day shift, Monday to Friday. Heaven! I love Fridays once again. I had to be wary, though. I’ve gotten burnt out on Monday to Friday jobs and learned to loathe Sunday. I tried to solve that problem by not watching 60 Minutes (oh, that ticking clock!). These days I usually watch Snapped on Oxygen on Sundays — they often have a marathon. I love Snapped so much it makes Sunday an enjoyable day. And I don’t mind my job, so no creeping dread has so far spoiled my enjoyment.

There is that bad moment when the alarm goes off and I realize there are five days to get through before I can sleep in again. I have not found a cure for that except to get up anyways and apply coffee. Once I’m over that moment I like being up early. For one thing, if you get up early enough during the week, 6 or 7 am feels like sleeping in on the weekend.

I like my Monday Musings idea. I think it will help me ease into the week and make Monday a more enjoyable day. And along the way, I hope I manage to amuse.

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Woozy II

Posted on January 30, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to call it Spectacle II, but I thought Woozy II had more of a ring to it.

So there I was going back to work after giving blood, still in a semi-woozy state. I had talked to my manager. I also reported to my nearest co-worker. I figured if I collapsed in a heap, he would be the first to notice.

Lunch was less than a half hour away. I could make it. I was sitting down, I could work slowly. As I had walked from the blood drive place to my area, I had been pleased to note that I felt better. As I worked, I was discouraged to note that I felt worse. Headache, nausea, I could rock this, I told myself.

Putting food in my body would probably help. I had some vanilla yogurt and diced apple with granola. I usually eat it for my 9 a.m. snack, but this day I had gone to the blood drive instead. That went down OK, but nothing else in my lunch box sounded even vaguely appetizing.

I told my co-workers about my woozy experience. They told me I still looked a little woozy and advised me to report back to the nurses. I told them that every time they used the word “woozy” I felt a little more woozy. I have a very suggestible nature. For the rest of the day, one guy made it a point to use the word “woozy” in every sentence he spoke.

“You look as if you don’t feel too good,” another fellow said, too tactful to say I looked like crap, which I believe is what he was thinking.

At one point I stood up to go join a couple of guys who always work on the crossword puzzle in the newspaper during lunch. I changed my mind and sat back down. Co-workers expressed further concern, but I assured them I was fine.

“You just stood up and immediately had to sit back down, I don’t think you’re better,” said the guy who had told me I didn’t look too good.

“I didn’t have to sit back down, I chose to sat back down,” I told him, and hoped he didn’t notice I said “sat” for “sit” after “chose to.”

Another co-worker gave me some pretzel rods, which did help settle my stomach. She said she would keep an eye on me during the afternoon. “If I see a grey-haired speed bump in the aisle, I’ll know it’s you,” she said.

“But you won’t see her legs,” a guy said, referring to my camouflage BDU pants.

“Does Cindy even have legs?” someone asked.

“I got legs,” I told them. “ZZ Top wrote a song about it.” I sang a little of it, in case they didn’t know what I meant.

“You’re not planning on quitting your day job any time soon, are you?”

I gave him my saddest look.

“Are your feeling hurt or are you feeling woozy?”

“My feelings are so hurt, it’s making me woozy.” I took my unloved voice back to work.

I’m pleased to report that no grey-haired speed bumps (really an inspired description) caused anybody any hazard. After a while I got myself a blue Gatorade out of the machine. Miraculously, I began to feel better. Words cannot describe the happiness I felt at not having a headache.

So that is my story about giving blood. I signed up to give blood again in June. I put myself down for 12:45 p.m., right after lunch. We’ll see how much a hearty meal immediately beforehand helps.

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I Make a Spectacle of Myself

Posted on January 28, 2012 by mohawkvalleygirl

I promised a post explaining yesterday’s brainless state (I truly felt I had none), so here it is.

My place of employment had a blood drive. I had neglected to sign up before Thursday afternoon so did not have an assigned time. Accordingly, I made my way to where the drive was being held at 9 a.m., their purported start time, in hopes they could take me as a walk in. They could.

Now I know from giving blood. I used to work blood drives with my service sorority in college, and I gave numerous times while in the military. I did not drink wine the night before, and I made sure I ate a healthy breakfast (banana with peanut butter and cottage cheese with walnuts). I had eaten breakfast prior to 6 a.m, but I ate a fiber bar while waiting my turn in line, so I really thought I would be fine. Full disclosure: I had a headache, as I have been having a lot lately (concerned readers will perhaps like to know that I have made a doctor’s appointment to address this problem). However, I knew the headache was not due to a cold, the flu or anything else contagious. So I thought it would be OK to give blood.

Actually, I thought I might ask one of the nurses about the headache and if it would be a good idea to give blood. I figured when they were asking me all the questions: do you feel good, did you have sex with a prostitute, etc. But they didn’t ask me the questions: they sat me at a computer by myself and I had to click on yes or no with the mouse. I suppose this ensures privacy for the sex questions. I confess I did click “yes” for “do you feel well and healthy today,” but they did not offer “as well as I have been feeling lately” as a choice. Don’t judge me.

I don’t like to pick, but the folks doing the blood drive were a trifle unorganized. It took a while to get me on the table bleeding into a bag, but I finally made it. The gurneys were kind of old and flat. The folks giving double got to be on the nice reclining tables, which I used to enjoy at a blood giving place in Georgia some years ago. I’m still not clear on what “double” is. I asked but found out I do not qualify. Females must weigh at least 175 lbs. Let’s hear it for the South Beach Diet!

So there I was sitting at the table, drinking juice and eating crackers. Other people finished their drinks and snacks and got out of there, but the volunteer kept pressing more juice or water on me. She didn’t think I looked so good. When I put my head down on the table, she was sure of it. I observed that they did not have the cot behind the screen for passers out. Merely an observation, I didn’t feel about to pass out, I just felt like crap. The lady hollered at some people to set it up, that I needed to lie down.

Actually I had to pee, and the ladies room was not close. The volunteer lady nicely escorted me down in the elevator. By the time we got back up, the cot was set up and they made me lie down. I guess I had to. I stayed there for a long time, occasionally sipping from a bottle of water and feeling really stupid. I saw two co-workers from my area. I was pretty sure they saw me, so my absence from my machine would be explained.

After a long time I felt like sitting up. I ate some more cookies and crackers, drank some more water. I kept saying I had to go back to work, and the volunteer ladies kept telling me I needed to stay right there till I felt better. When I stood to throw away my garbage, I seemed a little steadier on my feet. I thought I would be OK to go back to work. After all, I sit at my machine and work at my own pace. And by now it only lacked a half hour till lunch.

I found my foreman and said, “Don’t be mad at me.” See, we had just had a safety briefing the day before in which he said he had to know if for example we were on medication which made us sleepy. I thought feeling woozy from giving blood qualified as something he ought to know. I told him I didn’t think I was a danger to myself.

“How about others?” he asked.

“Well, it depends,” I answered. “As long as they don’t piss me off.” So you see, I was feeling more myself.

I’m looking at my word count and see I’ve gone over 800 words. That seems a little long for me, so I’ll stop here. I did have further woozy adventures, though, so tomorrow’s post may be Spectacle II. Stay tuned.

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