Category Archives: humor

Christmas Eve Walks

I don’t have anything mushy or profound to post on Christmas Day. Instead I have a fairly pedestrian post about walks I took with my dog Tabby on Christmas Eve.

Steven had to work from 6:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. while my assignment was to get The Rest of Christmas Ready before heading to Rome and my parents’ house. Naturally as soon as he left the house, I got right to work. And by “to work” of course I mean onto the computer to make my blog post and check out what people were posting on Facebook. Then a walk was in order.

The walk was actually of a practical nature, because we went to the Post Office to mail out a couple of bills that were soon due. It was delightfully quiet in the neighborhood, although quite cold. The lobby of the post office was open, but not the window. Actually, I would expect the post office to be quiet on Christmas Eve, because then it is a little too late for Christmas cards or mailing presents. I remembered how last Christmas I had vowed I was going to mail everybody their Christmas presents so as not to have to load so much stuff into the car Christmas Eve. It was the first I had thought of that vow since I had made it, so you see how well it worked out.

After mailing the bills, Tabby wanted to keep walking, so I let her pull me here and there. The only thing I refused her was crossing Route 5, not so delightfully quiet. It might have been fun, since we rarely walk on that side of town, but I felt it was too cold. We would just have had to cross back again, and it was really too far if Tabby suddenly got sick of walking, as she occasionally does. We walked down Albany Street instead, another street we’re not often on. Tabby looked longingly at First Source Credit Union as we went by, but I assured her that nobody was there to give her a treat. The walk ended up taking a half hour. I felt exercised.

Later that morning, we went for another walk. I intended to give Tabby a bath and wanted to give her every opportunity to relieve herself first. I like to give Tabby a bath before we go on a visit. Friday might have been a better day, and Steven might have been able to help me then, but things do not always work out as we plan. The second walk was shorter and one of the usual routes: over to the Historic Four Corners, down through the little park at Basloe Library, the up Prospect Street to East German. I was surprised to see the streets were almost as quiet as they had been earlier. Some of the residential areas seemed almost deserted. I guess everybody went away for Christmas.

Tabby was not best pleased about the bath, but she endured like the good dog she is, so I was able to get her all pretty to go visit my parents. We took the third walk after she was dry. She indicated the desire for another business meeting, and I was not about to let a brand clean dog run by herself into the backyard. I put her on the leash and walked her around the block.

In between these walks, I made guacamole and chicken wing dip, wrapped presents, cleaned up after myself and generally finished up the Christmas chores. When Steven got home, we were ready but not raring to go. I was tired after my various exertions. Tabby, of course, got her second wind as soon as she saw us loading the car. When I picked up the kennel, there was no stopping her! We were off the celebrate Christmas!

Counting Down to Christmas

Subtitled Take Charge But Not Independent. This morning (Friday), Steven and I tried to finish our Christmas stuff.

We did not get as early a start as I had wanted (do I ever?), but stopped for a good breakfast at Philly’s in Herkimer. I breakfasted conservatively (calorically speaking) on poached eggs with sourdough toast. Steven ate more heartily: bacon, egg and cheese on grilled Texas toast with home fries. He works later (actually he is shaving for that even as I type this). I tasted his potatoes. Yummy.

From there we headed to Wal-Mart. I had previously gotten the wrong color yarn for an afghan I am hoping to complete soon, and we needed to get a … for … (my family actually rarely if ever reads my blog, but you never know. Better safe than sorry). It was crowded even for 9 a.m., but we lived to tell the tale.

Then it was off to Ilion to pick up Steven’s new glasses at Dr. Henry’s office. I made an appointment to get my eyes examined there, next week, so you can look forward to that blog post. We drove home by way of Mohawk (I’ll post a map if I ever figure out how), so stopped by the Dollar Store (or was it Dollar General? I can never remember which is which) and got dog treats to complete Tabby’s stocking.

A quick stop at Hannaford, where we did not purchase all we needed (neglected to make a list), then a trip out to Heidelberg Bakery to get bread to bring to my Mom and Dad’s house for Christmas dinner. I felt we had done a lot.

Back home, we did some wrapping, and I started working on the … I’m trying to make for … We’ll see how that turns out. Someday I’ll learn how to post pictures and I can do an illustrated blog. I also made some White Trash. I think I can make one more batch before I get sick of making it and vow to never make it again (I may have mentioned, the vow lasts about a year, two at most).

I don’t know how interesting this post has been. I’ve sat here at the computer and pounded it out while Steven shaved. Once he gets his work pants on, I’ll read it to him and get his opinion. Well, it is Friday. I know I did my Lame Post for the week yesterday, but as they often say as an excuse, an encouragement, or just an observation: It’s Christmas!

A Stroll Down Memory Lame

I have Friday off, and you know what that means: Lame Post Thursday! Full disclosure: I’m actually writing this on Wednesday. I have absolutely no idea what to write for my Wednesday post, but I have some very silly ideas I feel like writing now. Ideas silly enough to only be used for a Lame Post.

(Anyways, I like to get a post ahead when I can, because then I can work on my novel during breaks at work. When you write in a notebook on break at work, someone often says, “Are you writing a book?” It’s fun to say yes once in a while.)

Today I have a couple of childhood memories I’d like to share. The other day, for reasons not worth mentioning, the following song started playing in my head:

Party Pooper!
Party Pooper!
Every party needs a pooper
that’s why we invited YOU!

You sing the last two lines really fast and shout the word YOU while pointing at whoever you are making fun of. We thought it was a very hilarious song, because we did not know what a party pooper was. We thought it was somebody who pooped at a party.

Like many small children, we thought poop was funny.

I think it was my sister Cheryl who earned the reputation as a first class wit for another song. We had heard the song, “I dream of Jeannie with the light brown hair.” That was, in fact, all we knew of it. I remember thinking it was odd, because I used to watch I Dream of Jeannie, and I knew Jeannie had blond hair. It was also strange to me to think there could be a girl named Jeannie who was not actually a genie. But I digress.

Cheryl’s version of the song went, “I dream of Jeannie with the light pooped pants.” It usually took two or three tries for any of us to sing it without breaking into uncontrollable giggles at the words “pooped pants.” I confess to having a smile on my face as I write this (let my co-workers in the break room make of that what they may).

Well, that was fun to write. Now whatever will I come up with for Wednesday? (As an aside: I did come up with something for Wednesday, and I did work on my novel on breaks at work today. Fun times.)

Another Christmas Rant

I get a little stressed at Christmas time. There, I’ve said it.

I don’t like to admit it. I love Christmas, and I get a little impatient of the bah humbuggers. Of course, people have a right to like or dislike what they want. But that’s my point. If you don’t like Christmas, don’t celebrate it! I’m talking about all the nasty people crowding the stores. They have made themselves quite miserable and all to no purpose. I say enjoy Christmas! So I feel just a little hypocritical when I start to feel the pain myself.

My problem may be that I take things to an unhealthy extreme. I love Christmas so much, I feel I should be blissfully happy at all times from Thanksgiving through the Epiphany. This is not realistic. Sometimes I worry that I can’t be truly happy when it’s not Christmas. I know in my heart that’s not true, and I do realize it’s a little neurotic.

I feel stressed first because I usually plan my season with an overly optimistic estimation of my talents and capacities. I’ll make this present and this present. I’ll decorate this and attend these events and watch all my Christmas movies and listen to all my Christmas CDs (the last of which I have never done in one season; we have a lot of Christmas music). Then I start to feel down and I feel stressed because I’m not happy.

“Where’s your Christmas spirit?” that voice in my head yells. “This season only lasts a short time and you’ve got to enjoy ALL of it! Get happy NOW!”

Have you ever tried to order yourself to get happy? I can never make it work. Finally, a little common sense kicks in. I tell myself to just relax, feel what I feel and drive on. I look at my list of things to do and decide what I can realistically handle. Actually, sometimes I have to first make an actual list, which is a lot less intimidating than the never ending scroll that runs through my head. And I sing a Christmas carol for good measure.

So today I’m waiting for that common sense to kick in. I sang a few Christmas carols at work, and I may start writing that actual list. First on the list will be Write Wednesday’s Blog Post. Then I can get the ineffable satisfaction of crossing it off. Hope you’re enjoying your December.

I Give a Christmas Gift

I had a few afghans and prayer shawls to donate to the Folts Home, the nursing home in Herkimer where I used to adjust eyeglasses occasionally (I intend to do it again, but have not worked it into my schedule yet).

I almost didn’t have any afghans this year, but for the generosity and Christmas spirit of my sister Cheryl. You see, last year I inadvisedly announced that everybody in my family was getting afghans for Christmas in 2011. I thought it would be easier. Silly me. The afghans did not pile up as fast as they have in the past, but certain nieces and nephews had expressed satisfaction at the idea (I think it was by fist pump and the word “Yes!”), so I felt obligated. I mentioned to Cheryl that her recently married daughter and her husband were getting one to share.

“When they’ve been married ten years, I’ll give them two afghans.” (That was a joke; I know many couples married more than ten years that still cuddle under one afghan, and I’m sure Dana and Dan will be that way). I also mentioned that I had none for the nursing home. A few days later, Cheryl called me back and said I should donate the afghans for her girls to the nursing home.

“It’s not that we don’t love your afghans; I’m under two of them right now,” she assured me. “But we felt bad about the nursing home, and you can give us afghans any time.”

So I had a few afghans. I also had a few prayer shawls. I ended up with one less prayer shawl, though, because the day I took them to church to have the pastor bless them, I found out a church friend had lost her husband. It seems she was having a hard time in many respects, so I suggested to Father Paul we pull out a prayer shawl for this lady. She was very appreciative.

Wow, I thought this was going to be a short post about a drive to the nursing home and I’m over 300 words already. I do go on, don’t I? So anyways, I had the afghans and shawls in my truck and went a different way home from work. Instead of going from Main Street in Mohawk over the bridge to Mohawk Street in Herkimer, I turned right onto Route 5S and took the bridge to Washington. It meant a short drive down a highway I don’t often go on. I just love these little adventures. As we used to say when we were younger, it takes so little to please some people.

The receptionist at the Folts Home had to let me in (for some reason nursing home doors stymie me), and she called someone from the Activities Office down to collect the donation. Both ladies loved the story of my sister’s generosity and why there was one less prayer shawl. They thanked me for the donation, pooh-poohed my apology that it was not larger, and said if they got donations of yarn, they would send it my way.

I drove home with the warm hearted feeling that Christmas can bring.

A Sweet Tableau

When we last left our heroine (um, that’s me), she had gotten to church and found it was the day of the children’s Christmas Pageant (OK, enough with the third person; how pretentious). (You know, I think I started another post in a very similar fashion. Oh well, I like it, so at least one of us is happy)

It is always nice to go to church at Christmas time. There are poinsettias on the altar. People in the congregation wear their Christmas sweaters. We sing Christmas carols for some of the hymns. My church sings every verse of every song. The church I grew up in did not do that. Two verses and done. Sometimes during the six verse songs my throat gets a little sore, but in general I like it.

Actually, the music made me feel sad at first, because the church organist died this year. He was a truly sweet man. He never missed a Sunday if he could help it, and he always had a smile and a kind word. Apparently we don’t have a replacement organist yet, but a couple of strong voiced parishioners led the singing. Also, a young man played violin for two songs, and a young lady played the flute for one. Very talented young people around here.

The Christmas pageant was in place of the homily. Of course I usually enjoy Father Paul’s talks, but there’s just nothing like live theatre.

It was a very traditional pageant. Two girls who read very well narrated. The various characters came forward at the proper times and took their place in the tableau. Then two girls each played a song on the organ. My favorite characters were the littlest angel and the littlest shepherd. The angel couldn’t have been more than two or three (I can never guess ages accurately). A pig tailed red head, she was wearing a one piece pajama with wings attached. I think the littlest shepherd was her brother, maybe a year older. As he came forward, he went into the pew with his father to sit back down. His father directed him back toward the altar with the others.

I really enjoyed our pageant. I’m sure many other churches were enjoying similar spectacles. Isn’t Christmas great?

Sunday Sprint?

Sunday morning I was an independent, take charge kind of woman. Which sounds better than saying I ran around in a fairly idiotic fashion and got some things taken care of.

I pause first for a caveat or disclaimer of sorts. In this blog, I try to boost local businesses and attractions — things unique or at least distinctive to the Mohawk Valley. I don’t like to do posts about chains or big boxes; they get enough attention. That said, sometimes I go to Wal-Mart. There, I’ve said it.

A lot of people hate Wal-Mart, and I admit it isn’t my favorite place. But it is the only place I can buy the yarn I like locally, and said yarn is at a better price than if I drove ten miles to the other places I know of to get it. I needed a few other things too. More excitingly, I now have a card that entitles me to my husband’s employee discount, that sweet 10 percent. Hey, every little bit counts. My husband, Steven, has now been employed by Wal-Mart for over 90 days. I would have loved to report that he was employed by one of those local businesses I love to tout, but the sad fact is none of them were hiring. Wal-Mart was. So you see.

Well that was a lot of blathering on to bring us to 7:30 this morning when I drove to Wal-Mart, hoping to beat the crowds. I decided on some yarn with a minimum amount of dithering, got a … to make the … for … (can’t get specific in case that person reads this post). I thought to buy some groceries, to save myself a trip to Hannaford, but I found the prices are not any better and the selection is not as good for the items I needed.

Oh, and here’s an aside: why can you almost never find whole milk yoghurt? It’s all low fat and no fat. The low fat or no fat tastes perfectly OK at the time, but within a short time I’m ravenous. If I eat whole milk yoghurt, it tastes much more delicious, and I feel full enough to last till my next regularly scheduled meal break.

So I hurried home, unloaded my bags, petted my dog, and began stuffing afghans into garbage bags. You see, I make these afghans, and at Christmas time I like to donate some to the Folts Nursing Home in Herkimer. I like to bring them to church first, to get the priest to bless them, in case they are given to someone religious. I figure if the afghan goes to someone not religious, it doesn’t hurt; nobody needs to even mention it to them. I had a few prayer shawls as well.

I looked at the time and realized I could make it to Hannaford and back before church. So I was off, in search of whole milk yoghurt, among other things. I feel contented enough to mention Hannaford in my blog, because Hannaford likes local, and puts handy little notes on the shelves next to products produced in New York State. That said, I recently heard the Ilion Farmer’s Market is going to be opened Sundays, so I may be headed there one Sunday soon.

Where was I? Oh yes, on my way home from Hannaford, this time in my truck, because Steven was going to need the car to go to work. I got the groceries unloaded, got the afghans in the truck and still had time for a half cup of coffee before church. I must admit, I was at this point a little flustered. I’m not good at being an independent, take charge kind of woman, I suppose. For one thing, at both stores I neglected to bring my reusable bags. And I had a Wal-Mart gift card we received as a Christmas present, which I could have used (is that appropriate: use a present to buy presents for others? It needn’t concern us; I forgot the card).

I was very happy to get to the relative peace and quiet of Christ Episcopal. I say relative, because much activity was going on. I did not realize that Sunday was the children’s Christmas pageant. That will form the subject for tomorrow’s post.

White Trash

I like doing cooking posts, because I feel like the Barbara Stanwyck character in Christmas in Connecticut, one of my favorite Christmas movies. Only I can cook, and I have a husband. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch the movie. It’s cute.

While my tomato sauce cooked yesterday, I made some White Trash for the holidays. I originally put this part in yesterday’s post, when I was handwriting it at work (on break, of course). As the post grew lengthier, I thought why have one over long post when I can have two medium length?

I’m actually not sure if I should put the recipe in my blog, because I don’t know if it is copyrighted or not. It’s written on a sticky note in one of my recipe books. I got it from my mother, who got it from a lady she met at a wedding to which I was not invited (really couldn’t have been that fun a wedding, could it?). Monday I made it from memory, as I usually do.

I melted a 16 oz bag of white chocolate chips, to which I added 2 tablespoons of olive oil (not old Garlic and Herb like I used in the tomato sauce: recently purchased plain). In a big bowl I put 6 cups Crispy Hexagons, 2 c Tasteos (I didn’t spring for name brand cereal), 2 c broken waffle pretzels (I broke them myself into not too small pieces), and 2 c peanuts (roasted, lightly salted). I poured the melted stuff over the other, stirred it as best I could, and spread it on wax paper to cool. To be Christmasy, I sprinkled red and green sugar on it.

It’s pretty simple, but kind of a pain in the butt with the stirring and spreading. The last time I made it I got really irritated and vowed I would never make it again. I would stick to Chex Party Mix, I said (I buy generic Chex cereal, too, but what else are you going to call Chex Party Mix?). That was almost a year ago. The memory of my irritation had faded, and I know some people who LOVE White Trash.

I have enough ingredients to make another batch, although I probably won’t be able to get another blog post out of it. Oh well, I’m no Elizabeth Lane (the Barbara Stanwyck character in Christmas in Connecticut). Ooh, maybe I’ll watch the movie and blog about that.

Monday Dinner

I have not done a cooking post in a while, possibly because I have not had occasion to do much cooking. Monday, however, I fixed dinner without benefit of recipe, so I thought it might be good for a few paragraphs.

I had half of a rather large green pepper, so I chopped that into smallish pieces and put it in a heavy pot with oil. The oil I used was some Garlic and Herb Oil I had purchased at a booth at the Canal Fest in Little Falls last summer. It was to benefit something, but I’m damned if I can remember what, which is too bad, because that would have added a nice bit of local color to the story. Still, I did buy it at the Canal Fest in Little Falls (although now that I think about it, it may not have been called Canal Fest, but let that go for now).

There may be some readers shaking their heads or fingers at me right now, because I may have waited too long to use up the oil. I seem to remember reading or hearing somewhere that you should use up olive oil within a certain amount of time after you open it. I can’t remember the time, but I’m fairly sure I’m outside of it. Oh well, I’m living to tell the tale, so it can’t be too egregious a fault.

Where was I? Oh yes, green pepper cooking in oil. I crushed up some garlic and let it breathe for fifteen minutes before adding it. When the peppers looked pretty cooked, I added two tubes of tomato sauce. We have several packets of tomato sauce in the freezer which came with pizza crusts. We don’t usually put tomato sauce on our homemade pizza, unless it’s something leftover that I originally put on pasta. I thawed two of the packets in a pan of warm water. I added basil and oregano, then put basil on the running grocery list on the refrigerator. I also threw in some grated Parmesan cheese, to help the sauce thicken.

When the sauce was well on its way, I started the rigatoni. I grated some mozzarella while the water boiled. There was not much mozzarella, but I wasn’t too worried, because I had plenty of ricotta. If only the ricotta didn’t have a use by date four days earlier. Old olive oil is one thing, I don’t take many chances with dairy. I pitched the ricotta and grated some cheddar to supplement the mozzarella.

I layered the rigatoni, sauce and cheese (in that order), sprinkled more grated Parmesan on top, and put it in a 350 degree oven (I suppose I forgot to mention I had turned on the oven to pre-heat while I chopped the green pepper). I kept it in the oven a little over 20 minutes, since everything was already cooked and I just wanted the cheese to melt. It was pretty yummy, although I realized too late I could have put a can of mushrooms in the sauce.

Some people might feel a little surprised at my recipe, because I was not cooking with wine as I often do (and by cooking with wine, of course I men sip a glass of wine while I cook) (I didn’t really need to say it, did I?). That would certainly be an acceptable variation on the recipe, if you like that sort of thing.

Humane Society Santas

The best thing I did yesterday was go to the Open House and Indoor Garage Sale at Herkimer County Humane Society in Mohawk, for a few reasons.

To do the story justice, I must first tell a story of my past. Growing up, I remember having a beautiful stuffed Santa Claus that was always out at Christmas time and only at Christmas time. When I was quite small, I remember playing with him like the rest of our dolls and stuffed toys. As we got older, Mom started putting him on a higher shelf, “Because he’s old.” I believe Mom and Dad had originally purchased him for my oldest sister, Victoria, at her first Christmas (the only one she didn’t have to share), but it soon became a family decoration. And when Vicki moved away, she did not get to take him with her.

When Steven, then boyfriend now husband, began to spend his Christmases with my family, he fell in love with the Santa Clause. It became a recurring joke that Steven was going to hide Santa Claus in his suitcase and leave all his clothes behind. Not a fair trade. We always looked for just such a Santa Claus but never found quite the right one. Eventually Steven bought me a very nice stuffed Santa Claus which I love. But Mom’s Santa is still the best.

Fast forward to December 2011. Steven had to work, but I always want to support the Humane Society as well as feed my addiction to buying other people’s junk (that’s what we call a win-win situation). As I drove out, I was pleased to see that lots of people were supporting the Humane Society. I knew many people were picking up pictures of their pets with Santa, taken at an earlier fundraiser which Steven and I sadly missed. I finally parked in the Parking Area near the canal trail. That way I was facing back into town, and it was only a short walk down the highway to the Humane Society.

A couple of volunteers were dressed as elves, and Santa was present. I made my way through the crowd to where the garage sale was. They were doing a booming business! People were nicely letting each other through. You often run into more politeness at these fundraisers than you do at normal retail establishments.

The first thing I found was a basket of ceramic Santas. We have a few similar Santas. They stand about 5 inches tall and usually have a year printed on the base and sometimes a country. I could see there was more than one layer, and they wanted $10 for the basket. I figured even if I found some duplicates with what we already had, it was a good buy and we could always use the duplicates for presents for others. I picked up the basket, turned around and then I saw him.

An old fashioned stuffed Santa. He was not exactly like my Mom’s, but he was beautiful. Obviously of the same era and in very good condition. $5. I was in love. I picked him up, then I picked up a ceramic church with a place for a tea light. Perfect for my Christmas village which I did not set up this year but intend to set up in 2012. I got in the long, slow line. I checked out some other things as I stood there. Luckily I remembered we do not need any Christmas mugs, because they have a lot of them. A Yul Brenner as the King in The King and I caught my eye, but my arms were full. A volunteer was trying to sell a couple of artificial trees for $10 apiece. If I had not already purchased a tree, I might have been tempted (when I got home and smelled my tree, I was glad).

A fellow ahead of me had $45.50 worth of stuff, but the lady rounded it to $45.

“I’m not so bad,” I mused to the lady behind me.

“No, you’re not,” she said. She had found a tree skirt as she stood in line, which I wish I had seen first. As I often say, you snooze you lose.

When it was my turn I resisted the cookies and cupcakes they also had for sale. For one thing, my arms were full. After I paid and made my way toward the exit, I saw… another stuffed Santa. This one not as big, a similar age, equally beautiful, $2.

“I didn’t see him!” I carefully put down the ceramic Santas and opened my purse. I caught one volunteer’s eye and handed her the $2. “Please don’t make me wait in line again, he’s $2, I didn’t see him before.” She graciously accepted my payment.

A man standing nearby offered to help me carry my stuff to my truck. I thought it was very nice of him, especially as I was not parked close by. He was fine with it.

“If I would have bought cookies, I’d give you one,” I told him. Being a fundraiser, it did not seem appropriate to offer a tip. He told me he had to watch his sugar intake anyways. I’m sure the real Santa was watching and gave him more nice points.

When I got home I found the basket contained 20 ceramic Santas, not one a duplicate of those we already have. Steven was predictably delighted with the stuffed Santas. It was altogether a great experience. I helped the Humane Society to the tune of $18 (OK, not a princely sum; we do what we can), and our Christmas decorations are enhanced for years to come.

The Herkimer County Humane Society facebook page reminds us that every day really open house. Stop in and meet some nice animals. You’ll be glad you did.