Tag Archives: paying bills

What Could Be Better Than Monsters?

So my goals were to find something to enjoy on Monday and to make a better blog post, but I think we all knew I was more likely to revert to Monstrous Monday.  My day at work was not bad at all.  My worst moment was getting myself out of bed.  Oh, did I want to sleep in!  But coffee worked its magic, and my day improved from there.

This is how cheerful I am after coffee.

After work things got a little dicey as I struggled with my checkbook and fretted over bills.  I did not go running as I had intended, and I almost forgot to take out the trash.  However, I had walked for 30 minutes this morning, and the trash and recyclables are now waiting by the curb.  Additionally, the dishes are washed, and tomorrow’s lunch is packed.

The happy smile I get after doing a few chores.

I seem to always be listing every little thing I get done, either in this blog, in one of my journals, or just in my head.  It is to keep from beating myself up over all the things that I have left undone.  For heavens’ sakes, I can’t do everything!  Or so I comfort myselg

Maybe if I had three friends behind me and a pitchfork!

I guess this last picture doesn’t show a monster, but it is from a pretty scary movie, Invasion of the Body Snatchers.   As messed up as my life can be, I would not want some pod growing into a duplicate of me and taking over my body.  Now that I think about it, that movie is also pretty sad.  All the characters I like turn into beings with no warmth or feelings.

On that rather melancholy note,  I see I am approaching 300 words.  Perhaps it is not a better blog post, but at least I tried.

 

I Hate Late

I read a quote from a writer, I forget who or even the whole quote, but it started, “One must be pitiless in the matter of mood…”

He is right, of course.  But it doesn’t really help me right now.  I am sitting here with my Tablet (the laptop-come-dining-room-tabletop is dying a slow painful death, as it gets slower and more painful to do anything on it), feeling it would be a good idea to make Saturday’s blog post even at this late hour.  Yet I also feel paralyzed by indecision and resistance.

I’m also a little hungry, although I did have some scrambled eggs earlier.

Lately I feel overwhelmed by all I need and want to do, with the vicious circle result that I do not do any of it.  Well, sometimes I do some of it.  For example, yesterday I worked on paying bills.  This is one chore my late husband Steve always did, and I was SO grateful that he did.  So naturally,  I am not only not very good at it, it is doubly painful, because it emphasizes once again that Steve is not here.

I guess this is another thing to be pitiless about.  I keep telling myself I have to learn to be alone.  So yesterday I sat down with the checkbook and a stack of bills and told myself, “Just pay one bill.”  This was me applying my method of Just Do One Thing.  I started by putting the bills in order of due date.  I hate to be late (blog posts notwithstanding).

Somewhere in the midst paying one bill online, one by phone, and writing a couple of checks, I felt a surge of… not quite happiness, but of not depression.  “I’m doing this,”  I thought.  Of course I have a lot more to do, but maybe I will be able to do it.

Hmmm… I guess the quote I referenced earlier did help me, because, look, I have blogged over 300 words.  I say “blogged” instead of “written” in deference to the Truman Capote line, “That’s not writing, that’s typing.”  Do you suppose if he were still around, he would sniff at my blog, “That’s not writing, that’s pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus”?