Category Archives: commentary

Cheesy TV

Posted on May 20, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Here is a new feature I recently came up with: Cheesy TV. Regular readers know how I love to write about cheesy movies. Well, they are not always easy to come by. However, I am discovering a whole world of cheese on cable television.

I have a long-standing addiction to true crime shows. I prefer a real documentary where they cover the facts of the case. I despise re-enactments. I find they are always cheesy and usually unnecessary. However, as re-enactment fests take over my true crime channels, I occasionally tune in to one. And I find they sometimes have a charm all their own. The dialogue in the re-enactments, which is often supposed to play like they’re being overheard, is laughable. The acting is of the scenery chewing variety. And when they show a photo of the actual people, you see the casting director had a very flattering idea of their attractiveness.

I almost feel I should include a spoiler alert, because this episode did not turn out as I expected. However, I also feel I can treat a true crime show, however cheesy, differently from now I treat a cheesy movie. I will also point out that I was paying my usual desultory attention to this one. They may actually have said who was going to end up dead and I missed it.

I will preface this essay by saying: Nobody deserves to be murdered. I suppose there are those who will dispute that statement, but I am not going there today. I would like to talk about a murder victim who, I feel, could have avoided the situation in which the murder took place. I intend to comment on this, and on the cheesy nature of the program which presented the case. I fear sounding insensitive, since an actual person did, in fact, die. Sorry about that.

OK, on with the write-up. Steven and I watched one of the cheesier crime shows on Investigation Discovery: Deadly Affairs. This one is narrated by the divine Susan Lucci, which I feel make it a cut above the rest.

Lucci presents to us a guy who has a girlfriend who is really a guy. They are off again/on again, because the guy is a serial cheater. Then they go on again and move to this cowboy town where the guy insists his lover live as a man and they keep their love affair a secret.

Soon the Guy is having an affair with a hot single mother. At first she doesn’t mind that he has a boyfriend, then she does, so he sends the boyfriend packing.

As soon as the Girl moves in, she discovers the Guy is a control freak. After many public screaming matches (all we see is a fairly hilarious fight about him telling her what order to hang her clothes in), they break up. The Guy can’t stand being alone, so he gets the Boyfriend back by telling him he can live as a woman and they can get married.

However, the Girl did not think they were permanently broken up, and she is not happy with this development. She follows them around, announcing in a loud voice that the fiance is really a man. She even has the nerve to crash their wedding. Naturally the Guy starts having sex with her again. Any slimy hound dog serial cheater would. But he makes no move to get rid of his new wife. Tensions escalate.

Of course I’ve been thinking all this time that Boyfriend/Wife is going to get it, probably from the Girl, because the narration keeps talking about jealousy. Imagine my surprise.

The Girl is out drinking one night and gets all maudlin talking about how she wants to “make amends.” Those are the exact words, used several times. If only she can see the Guy without his Boyfriend/Wife, she can “make amends.” So she goes over to their house at two in the morning.

Hello! Who goes over to somebody’s house at two in the morning and expects the wife NOT to be there? And if you really want to “make amends,” it is a better plan to wait till a decent hour of broad daylight and, for example, SEND FLOWERS! Maybe write a nice note. A conciliatory phone call.

The story is that the Boyfriend/Wife beats the poor Girl to death while the husband is sound asleep upstairs. Did you buy that? I didn’t. I don’t know what went down, and I don’t think the producers of this show did, either. I think they picked the version they liked best, and I’m kind of glad they did, because it certainly gave me something to write about.

I can believe the Girl SAID she wanted to make amends, but I don’t believe that is really what she had in mind. And I sure as hell don’t believe that the horn dog that started it all slept through a beat-down of that magnitude.

Really, when I think about it, it is a very sad story. That Girl did not deserve to be murdered and buried in the desert (oh yeah, I left that part out) (the post is getting a little long). I think what she needed to do to begin with was to find a classier guy to set her sights on. Same goes for the Boyfriend/Wife, although I lost a whole lot of sympathy for him when I found out he was a murderer.

But it is a fun show to watch. Susan Lucci pops up a couple of times looking delicious in an evening gown, about to go out on the town with a hottie who, presumably, does not plan to murder her. Lacking cheesy movies and sometimes time to watch a whole movie, I will continue to embrace cheesy television.

Leave a comment

Posted in Cheesy TV, commentary, humor, personal, television and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Grandma and the Left-Handed Compliment

Posted on May 3, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

For today’s Friday Lame Post, I share a memory that for some unknown reason popped into my head this morning.

My grandmother taught me the meaning of the term left-handed compliment one time when she said I gave her one. The occasion was a cousin’s wedding. We were dressed in our finest, uncomfortably placed in the family station wagon.

I was uncomfortable because I liked to ride in the back end, curled up or sprawled out as the mood struck me (these were the days before seat belt laws), not perched on the back seat in a supposedly lady-like fashion. My brother was uncomfortable because he was forced to ride in the back end, not the front seat in his accustomed spot. Well we, that is my three sisters and I, were in dresses. He was wearing pants.

Additionally, my mother had insisted we wear full pantyhose, not knee-his. Our dresses were long. We thought knee-his would be OK. Mom said it might show when we danced. We didn’t buy it, but she was Mom. She won.

We picked up Grandma at her house. When she got in in the car, the first word out of her mouth was, “Damn.” I can’t even remember what she was damning, but she went on to say something disparaging about her knee-his. Cue reproachful looks at Mom.

I said, “Fancy clothes don’t change you, Grandma. You’re still the same old Grandma.”

She told me it was a left-handed compliment. I never explained to her that I meant it as a sincere, loving statement. When Grandma had walked out her door in a long dress with her hair beautifully styled, I had felt a little intimidated. I remember thinking she looked like a Duchess. I think I was half-expecting her to act differently, too. To hear my “same old Grandma,” apparently just as uncomfortable dressed to the nines as we were, was a profound relief.

Thinking back on it today, I feel really bad that I did not explain that. Having subsequently received more left-handed than right-handed compliments myself (although I confess I haven’t really kept track), I think I know what one is. Grandma, if you’re up there listening, here is what I meant: You looked beautiful that day, but your true beauty was the person that you were.

2 Comments

Posted in commentary, humor, personal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Words Before Wine

Posted on April 28, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m not having a particularly wrist-to-forehead Sunday, although I did have kind of a wrist-to-forehead run earlier. However, I am having a kind of a wrist-to-forehead moment right now. You see, I must pick Steven up from work for a Wine Tasting Event in about twenty minutes (it became 19 as I typed that). It would be a good idea to make my blog post now.

I CAN’T TAKE THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!!!

What a silly thing to say; of course I can. For one thing, the pressure is purely self-imposed. I can remove it at any time. For another thing, when it comes to writing, I thrive on pressure! I never wrote a paper in school one minute before I had to. Then I stayed up late, scribbling frantically. And the best essays I ever wrote in my life were on exams, writing against the clock, once with a screaming headache due to strep throat.

Ah, those were the days.

On reflection, I must admit that I have no idea if those essays were the best I had ever written or not, because I no longer have access to them and I certainly don’t remember what I wrote (although I did ace the exams in question). Regarding the paper, not having a basis for comparison, we can’t be sure the papers would not have been better with more time taken.

This is not the post I sat down to write. I had meant to write about how I did almost everything on my to-do list. Except write this blog post. Wait a minute, maybe it is exactly the post I sat down to write. Ah, deadlines.

At any rate, I am over 250 words. I’m going to go taste some wine.

1 Comment

Posted in blogging, commentary, humor, personal, Wrist to Forehead Sunday, writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Lamely Theatrical

Posted on April 26, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I said earlier this week that I would use Lame Post Friday to consider the term “marvelously theatrical.” Regular readers (if any) may remember that George Zucco was described thusly in a summary of a Horror Classic I once saw.

The term “theatrical” to me seems a little silly. I would think that if something is on a stage in a threatre it is, by definition, theatrical. Kind of like looking your age. My dad says, how can you not look your age? I’m 50. This is what I look like at 50. Hence, I must look 50 (I know, I KNOW some of you probably think I DO look 50 or worse. It’s just an example) (And when my dad was 50, everybody said he didn’t look 50) (but I digress).

Perhaps it is one of those words that “I can’t give you a definition, but I know it when I see it.” I could explain this better in person. I would sit demurely and say in a quiet tone of voice, “I am in a theatre. I am theatrical.” Then I would leap to my feet, make a wide gesture with one arm and shout, “I am in a THEATRE!” Then a wide gesture with the other arm, “I am THEATRICAL!” Can you picture it?

I bet some of you have been sitting there trying to get a word in edgewise and point out to me that George Zucco was in a MOVIE not the THEATRE. Oh silly me. Did I even realize there is a difference?

Of course I did, stop looking so smug. I would submit that the difference may be less than we think. And I believe audience expectations are similar: they want to be entertained.

There is a wonderful scene in All About Eve where Gary Merrill tells off Ann Baxter for scorning movies vis a vis Broadway. He basically says that theatre encompasses all sorts of entertainment, “wherever there’s magic and make believe. So don’t approve or disapprove. It may not be your theatre, but it’s theatre for someone.” (I may be misquoting; don’t judge.)

“I just asked a question,” she replies, in that demure, well-modulated voice she uses when she’s got everybody fooled.

Steve and I always say, “Yeah, right,” because she used a horrified tone of voice, as if Hollywood is the antichrist.

Hmmmm… Do you suppose that’s kind of what the summary writer meant? That George Zucco is way better than an ordinary movie actor — he’s THEATRICAL (with gesture)! Perhaps he was just looking for a more impressive way of saying, “George Zucco is really, really good.” I eventually came to the conclusion he meant that George Zucco chews the scenery in a good way.

He is a pretty good actor. His presence will certainly be a selling point in my ongoing quest for movies to write about. Maybe one day I will even write a marvelously theatrical blog post.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Rocking the Running Commentary

Posted on April 13, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes! Running Commentary is back! And here it is!

When I decided to run at last, it was almost nine o’clock this morning (Saturday). The sun was high in the sky, but my thermostat thingy said the outdoor temperature was 41 degrees. My rule of thumb is shorts and t-shirt for anything over 45, although I don’t always follow it. Hmm… quite sunny, but I have not been running lately. I put on leggings and a long-sleeved shirt.

Oh dear, this was problematic, too (is anything ever easy for me, EVER?). Quite form-fitting. I showed my houseguest, Tracy (who will figure in other blog posts about this weekend). If I put on my road-guard vest, that would cover up the form-fittingness. However, running on sidewalks in the very broad daylight in a reflective vest might look even more dorky than the spandex. Tracy said it didn’t look that bad, but she’s nice. However, I went without the vest.

I was glad of the long legs and sleeves. I had a headband covering my ears, which was also good. I had tucked a tissue up one sleeve in case of nose runniness. I was good to go.

For how long? Since I have not been running at all in a sadly long time (not even sure how long since I can’t find my running journal), I thought 20 minutes would be good. Or even 15 in a pinch. After all, I had a lot of Mohawk Valley adventures to get in today. I didn’t want to be all tired out from running too far.

However, I do have a tentative goal to work for. Spring Farm Cares, an animal shelter in Clinton, NY, is sponsoring a run/walk in May. When I first heard of it last month, I said, “I can be in 5K shape by May!” And I could have, if only I would have kept running. How remiss of me. So I kept my mind off my running for a few blocks by doing the math and seeing how long I would be running by May if I ran X minutes and upped it by 10 percent every week. I can’t do the math very well in my head, so that was an effective mental exercise.

About seven or eight minutes into the run, I realized that I could, indeed, rock this. Those were the exact words that came into my head. I decided to write a blog post using them, and that helped keep my motivation high. I ran for 23 minutes. I’m right back where I left off the last time I ran. Woohoo!

As for the Spring Farm Cares run, I have already missed the first sign-up deadline, before the registration goes from $20 to $22. Day of race registration is only $25 (I think). I may wait and decide at the last minute. In the meantime, I’ll give a shout-out to the run. If any local runners are interested, the website is www.runwalkfortheanimals.com. Spring Farm Cares also has a Facebook page.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal, running, running commentary and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Done Dithering?

Posted on April 1, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m wondering if it would be such a bad thing if this blog turned into All Wine Tasting All the Time. At least for the rest of this week. I think I have set a precedent for such obsession. I’ve had All Boilermaker All The Time, All Harvey All The Time, All DARE 5K All The Time, and my personal favorite, All Dirty Work All The Time (because I like using the expression Dirty Work).

I will just interject here, for the benefit of those just tuning in, that this is in regards to a wine tasting trip to the Finger Lakes I am taking with some of my family this weekend. This led to some dithering on my part (perhaps you read my blog post about it).

So there I was, making lists. What to get done, what to buy at the store, what to pack. And I realized, I’m not stressed over this. I’m excited. It will be FUN!

Of course I don’t rule out feeling some stress before I’m done. After all, I have only four days to get everything done, with work, dog walking, blog writing and a few other appointments and commitments thrown in. And you know how it is when you make a list. You keep adding things because it seems like a good idea, so the list gets to be a little long. Once you have the list written, you feel like you’ve accomplished something, so you take a break. Then you don’t get everything done that’s on your list. Or am I the only one that does that?

Well, as the week progresses, I will strive to find other things to write about. In the meantime, I can cross “Write Monday’s Blog Post” off my list. Hope to see you Tuesday.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I’m Afraid this is a Post about Movies

Posted on March 21, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

This past weekend as I was running in place on the mini-tramp and watching Nosferatu (1922), I began to consider the question what makes a movie scary?

I describe Nosferatu as possibly the scariest movie ever made. I am sure there are many who disagree (not even counting the ones who disagree just to be disagreeable) (you know who you are). However, having seen an auditorium of young children reduced to tears over it, I feel comfortable in calling it a scary movie.

As I ran, I asked myself, am I being scared right now? The answer was generally no. During a few shots I said, “Ooh, scary!” but in fact I was not frightened.

Then again, it was broad daylight. I remember once years and years ago reading the book The Amityville Horror. My sister had read it first. She was reading it one night when I came home from babysitting. As was my habit, I ran home, burst into the house and slammed the door behind me. My sister knew I was expected, knew it was me as I came through the door, and still jumped a foot in the air when I slammed it shut.

She proceeded to tell me every scary thing she had just been reading and made me walk with her to her upstairs bedroom. I came back downstairs and had to spend a good half hour reading the Bible and watching “Highlights from Bing Crosby Christmas Specials” (which I providentially found on the meager cable available in the ’70s) before I dared to go to bed myself. After all, we were the last ones up. ALL the lights were going to be off.

With this in mind, I looked forward to reading the book myself. I started it one evening. Yikes! I finished it the following afternoon. What a disappointment! I know, I should have just waited till dark to finish it. As a reader, I am almost completely incapable of such behavior.

But getting back to Nosferatu, I wonder if I would have been more frightened had I watched it in the dark. I can see where it would have disturbed my sleep as a child. I would have lain in bed and just seen that scary vampire somewhere out there in the dark. The big nose, the deep-set eyes — no sexy savoir-faire for this blood sucker. I’d be watching the wall for his eerie shadow with the long, claw-like fingers. Ooohh.

On this last viewing, however, I noted and admired his scariness, but I was not scared. I was pleased that my interest was caught enough that I ran a little faster and kept running till the dramatic conclusion. But my sleep patterns were not disturbed (at least, I had my usual insomnia, but that’s a whole other topic).

So I had to ask myself: what makes a movie scary? One answer is: that you think it might happen to you. Many people suffer from a fear of birds after watching Alfred Hitchcock’s movie about them. That’s a pretty scary movie by this criteria, because those were perfectly ordinary birds such as you might see anywhere, until… It could happen! Right here! Right now! EEEEEeee!

Monster movies, when one looks at them rationally, should not be as scary, because we know there are no monsters. Or do we? I will probably never see a vampire coming at me, of the Max Schreck or Bela Lugosi variety. But IF I did, it would be scary! This is where having a vivid imagination (as I do) can greatly enhance your enjoyment of a scary movie.

Next time, I’m watching that movie after dark. Maybe on the night of a full moon.

2 Comments

Posted in commentary, humor, movies, personal and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Maybe in my 60s?

Posted on March 18, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

It happened again. I worked on two different blog posts while at work today (on a break OF COURSE) (I always have to say that), and I find I can’t use either one right now. I’m just too tired to finish them properly. So I guess this will be a Middle-aged Musings Monday on why I keep wanting to act like it’s Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

And let us consider Wrist to Forehead Sunday for a moment. It would be nice if we could designate one day of the week to get all melodrama heroine, woe is me. We could swoon onto the sofa, wrist properly to forehead, and wait for somebody to administer the smelling salts. And for the other six days of the week we could have out act together.

And by “we” of course I mean “me.”

Quite frankly, I thought I would have my act together well before I reached middle age. I had it penciled in for my 30s. I was almost 40 by the time I realized it hadn’t happened yet. Then I conceived great hope for 50. Almost four months into my 50s, I’m beginning to wonder.

There are compensations if one takes time to look for them. I am still the same bundle of ridiculousness I was in my teens and twenties — with grey hair and a considerably larger waistline. Oh, there are other differences, I’m sure. I know a few more things, I can do a few more things, I have a husband, I have a dog. However, I thing my overall level of ridiculousness has remained steady.

Only now I think it’s kind of funny. I can sit back, look at my own ridiculousness, and at least get a good laugh out of it. And perhaps a blog post.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, Middle-aged Musings, personal and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Writing AT ALL

Posted on March 12, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m afraid Tired Tuesday is going to be a regular feature for Mohawk Valley Girl, because, quite frankly, I am. This is what I wrote during the 9 a.m. break at work today. Full disclosure: I mostly wrote it just to get my pen moving and hoped I would come up with something better to publish. But perhaps this will do.

The one thing I have a horror of is staring at a blank page. What happens is that one daydreams one’s time away and where does that get one? I suppose there is something to be said for daydreaming, but most daydreamers are too busy daydreaming to say it (ooh, I just flashed on the Monkees’ “Daydream Believer.” Love those Monkees).

I’m having problems with the blog as well as the novel. I have a few things to write about for the blog, but I just can’t seem to put the words on the paper. I really hate admitting that. I can hear scornful voices saying, “Just write it, you big baby.” And I’m afraid the scornful voices are me.

I read a metaphor once that seems appropriate here. You probably won’t be able to batter down the door by main force. Try another door. And return to the first one every so often and give a gentle tap. It might let you in.

Actually, I feel a little better about myself right now, because I am actually putting words on a page. If I can write at all, I can potentially write something good. Ah, and that leads me into the similarities of writing and running. When I was trying to build up my run time in the army, my goal for myself on a run was to run a little faster than I really wanted to run. Very often that pace translated to “at all.” And, lo and behold, as long as I kept running AT ALL, eventually I improved.

Will it be so with my writing? Hard to say. I guess I’ll wait and find out.

NOTE: During my lunch break I wrote two pages on my novel. I wrote another page while doing laundry after work. Maybe writing AT All helps.

Leave a comment

Posted in blogging, commentary, humor, personal, Tired Tuesday, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

In Praise of Unpleasant

Posted on February 11, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I came across that phrase in the TV Journal the other day. I had noted it as a potential blog title, and today I find it appropriate for a Middle-aged Musings Monday.

We were watching one of my beloved true crime shows. It was my favorite kind: a case which had been covered in another program. I like to see if they show different aspects of the case. Or if their reenactments are as cheesy (who am I kidding? Reenactments are ALWAYS cheesy).

In this case, a woman kited checks and killed her husband to avoid unpleasantness.

Seriously, she kited checks to cover bad checks and created a huge financial mess, because it would have been unpleasant to deal with the first bad checks. She did not divorce her abusive husband, because it would have been unpleasant to air their dirty laundry in public.

Excuse me, what? What kind of funky, psychedelic rose-colored glasses did this woman wear that she didn’t think all this crap was going to eventually catch up with her? And where can I buy a pair?

I suppose, like Scarlett O’Hara, she said, “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Of course, a lot of times when Scarlett said this, she was working her but off today and she really did have too much on her mind. There is something to be said for sleeping on your problems, seeing if things look better in the morning, letting our thoughts marinade.

But, oh yeah, we’re not talking about the pause that refreshes. We’re talking about fraud and murder to avoid unpleasantness.

We all know we cannot avoid unpleasantness indefinitely. By facing unpleasantness head-on, we are more likely to come up with solutions to our problems. For example, talking to the bank and paying overdraft fees. Talking to a divorce attorney. Then things may eventually become — all together now — pleasant.

Oh dear. All of a sudden I’m afraid I sound like some 20-year-old spouting a cliche like it’s a wise insight that none of the rest of you peons have caught onto yet. There are columnists like that. I’ve read them in disgust.

Oh well, at least this may set me up for a future Middle-aged Musing. When I say it, it’s an insight. When you say it, it’s just a trifle obvious. When that other one says it, it’s a trite cliche. It could be a pleasant post to write. In that case, it will do no harm to put it off.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.
← Older Posts
Newer Posts →