Category Archives: humor

The View from the Top

Posted on July 7, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Having missed Saturday Running Commentary, I thought I would run today (Sunday). I further decided to quit pussy-footing around and go up my main challenge hill: the road to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC). There are not a whole lot of hills in Herkimer, NY, but this one is a really good one. It is steep, it is long, and one is rewarded with a beautiful view from the top. Additionally, it is very impressive to people when you tell them you run up the hill to HCCC. I have not run that hill in a while. It was time.

Of course I woke up NOT wanting to run. I didn’t even try to argue with myself; I just put on my stuff and went, a technique I have often found effective.

Right away it was not fun. My legs felt awful. I was sure this was because I went three days in a row without running. These things happen. I studiously ignored complaints and kept running. It was a nice cool temperature. In fact, my hands were a little cold. After a while my ears felt cold too, but I had remembered to wear a headband so was able to cover them up.

Was it really such a good idea to run that hill, I wondered. Then I thought, why not? I had nothing much to do for the rest of the day so it wouldn’t matter if I racked myself up. I really can’t keep running that little hill by Valley Health and build up for the DARE 5K in August. Finally I thought, just run up the hill for 15 minutes, then turn around and run back down. However far you get, that’s how far you go.

This, of course, was a psychological trick. I knew that by the time I was 15 minutes up the hill, I was going to keep going to the top. I ran by the spring. I thought about how I usually reward myself with a drink of spring water. My hands were too cold to want to do that. No matter. There was water waiting for me at home.

It seemed to take a long time to get to the actual hill. Why was I running so slowly anyways? But it was all I could do to continue. I saw a mother deer and her fawn in somebody’s front lawn. Then I saw another deer laying down, looking dignified. Then I thought I heard a shotgun. Good God, were there hunters in a residential area? But I suppose sound carries. Or maybe it wasn’t a gun after all. I kept running.

Oh it was not fun. What a lot of work to go uphill. I thought about how if I kept doing this I would get better at it. At the DARE 5K, I would breeze by young kids who felt they had to walk. I remembered with some bitterness one runner who I passed at least four times the last time I ran the DARE 5K. She walked, I passed her, she ran, she passed me. I want to build up to where if I pass someone, they stay passed.

I made it to the top of the hill. You knew I was going to, I hope. The view from the top was not so good, due to haziness. No matter. If I keep running the hill, I am sure to see a beautifully clear view sometimes. I just turned around and ran back down. I stopped at the spring for a drink. My hands did not feel so cold by then. Aah, good water.

I ran longer than I have yet, adding more than the recommended 10 percent to my last longest time. Perhaps that is not ideal, but I had to get all the way home and I was not yet ready to begin my cool-down walk. I save that to walk with Tabby.

I felt so pleased with my accomplishment that I posted a Facebook status about it. A gratifying number of my friends have Liked it. I like it too. I’m looking forward to the next time I run that hill.

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What Exit?

Posted on July 6, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did not go running this morning, so I can’t have a Saturday Running Commentary. I did have something of an adventure, which in fact I said I was going to write a blog post about, but now as I sit here, typing, I hesitate.

NOOOOOoooo! screams the critic in my head (impersonating a hypothetical reader), not another post about Why I Can’t Write a Post! Nobody wants to read that!!! (Yes, the inner critic speaks using multiple exclamation points; I just calls it like I sees it). Oh, OK, I will just try to write the post.

I was due at my sister’s house in Marcy, NY at 8 a.m. I set out in plenty of time, putting a Roomful of Blues CD in my player and prescription sunglasses on my face. It was a beautiful morning for a drive: sunny but not too hot. This was going to be great.

And it wasn’t too bad. Traffic was light, I didn’t run into any construction, soon I was on Route 49 and breezing along at a good clip. I’ve driven down this road many times, going to Marcy or to Rome. It was and is still a mystery to me how I drove right by the exit I wanted.

I was not daydreaming or even singing along to the CD. I saw one exit and said to myself, “The next one is the better one.” Then I saw the next one and thought, “Oh, that’s not it.” Then I kept driving and not seeing the exit till I started thinking, “Was that the exit?”

Did I ever feel dumb! And now I was late! I hate to be late! This was terrible! I found a place where I could turn around. I hit the gas! Maybe I wouldn’t be too late. Then I remembered that this stretch of 49 is famous for cops. I slowed down, but rehearsed in my head what I would say to a cop if he stopped me.

“I understand you have to give me a ticket, but could I please just call my sister and tell her I’m delayed, because she is waiting for me?” Luckily no cop stopped me, because I’m pretty sure that little bit of reverse psychology would not have worked and I would have gotten a ticket.

I got to Marcy not too much later than expected. My sister was wondering where I was, because I am more often early than late. Alas! The adventure continued, but I think the most striking part is me driving right by an exit I have taken many times. Does this happen to other people? Or am I uniquely talented at doing dumb things? Oh well, it fits my new saying: It’s not easy being me, but at least it’s not dull.

Or has this been a dull post? Oh dear, it’s that inner critic again…

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To Half and to Half Not

Posted on July 5, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well it’s Lame Post Friday and I’ve never felt lamer. I just said that in a reply to a comment somebody made on yesterday’s post, which was also no great shakes. I do love my Lame Post Friday, but I must confess today’s is less delightful, because it is the last day of my week off. Um, I still have the weekend, so it doesn’t totally suck. But vacation is, sadly, drawing to a close. Perhaps I could muster some half-baked philosophy to lighten my mental burden (as regular readers know, this is my traditional day for random observations and half-baked philosophy).

That was a long first paragraph. Is anybody still reading? No matter, I write for my own entertainment as well.

I have had a rather pleasant week. Last year at this time I was dealing with a flooded basement. It was good that I had the week off to deal with it; bad that I had to spend my precious week off dealing with it. So the glass was half-full and half-empty. Hmmm, lots of halves today.

Thinking of halves, when you were a little kid, did you ever divide something into three halves? Then you found out that “half” meant two parts, so you got all superior when some other little kid divided something into three halves.

And that’s over 200 words. Sufficiently lame, I trust. Happy Fourth of July, everyone.

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Flying Saucers Over My House

Posted on July 4, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Did I mention I’m on vacation this week? I seem to remember writing or typing it any number of times, but I may have crossed it out or erased it each time. It was not my idea to take vacation this week, but I do like to take a day off. Or a few days. And it seems I am taking some days off blogging as well. On the other hand, I just read the first paragraph of another blog that said people never read blogs during the summer (probably would be nice to credit that quote, wouldn’t it? I think it was Return of the Modern Philosopher).

Be all that as it may, today is Non-Sequitur Thursday and all I’m going to do is list the movies Steven and I have looked at this afternoon. We began with The Stranger (1946) with Orson Welles, Edward G. Robinson, Loretta Young and Richard Long. We like to have a connection from movie to movie, so after that we watched House on Haunted Hill (1958) which featured Richard Long. The movie starred the incomparable Vincent Price and was directed by the great William Castle.

We do not have another movie with Richard Long. In fact, the only other thing I know him from is a TV show from the early 1970s called Nanny and the Professor. So we went another way with Plan 9 From Outer Space. I could probably think of a good connection between this and the other two movies, but this is Non-Sequitur Thursday and, as I said, I’m on vacation. I’m listing and hitting publish. But I may indulge in some commentary on Lame Post Friday. As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

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Don’t Sweat It

Posted on July 3, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I saw that the weather report today said 84 degrees instead of 90, it just sounded SO much cooler. Plus, it was prior to 7 a.m., well before it should reach 84. I could run. It would be great. As you may have guessed, it was not great, but I’m going to write about it anyways.

I woke up this morning NOT in the mood to run. Then I tricked myself. I said, “It would be a good idea if I went running.” You see, if I had said, “I should go running” or “I ought to go running,” I would have cleverly come up with any number of very good reasons NOT to run. But I had to acknowledge that, yes, it would be a good idea to run. I ran.

Right away I felt the humidity. I decided that it was good that I was running; I didn’t have to run fast. This would be a nice, steady, fat-burning run. I read a whole big thing once that when you run fast and hard, your body reaches for the high-octane fuel, provided by the protein and carbohydrates you consumed. When you run slow and easy, your body burns the low-octane stuff, the fat. I have since heard that this was not the case. However, I usually run at a slow rate and if I am running on a regular basis, I find that I am less fat. I spent a few blocks reflecting on this, mostly dwelling on the pleasing image of me not fat.

I soon became quite sweaty and realized I forgot my headband. Then my glasses fogged up. I tried to move them a little away from my face. I have some contact lenses I could wear to run in but I wonder if the sweat dripping into my eyes would be a problem. I’ll have to try it.

I ran in the opposite direction I had run on Monday, out German Street and around various residential streets, ending up on the path that used to be a hydraulic canal. I ran that path recently beginning out Main Street. Today I started at the other end and followed it to Main Street, detouring onto sidewalks when I had to.

I ended up doing 33 minutes, one minute longer than I had done Monday. I thought one minute extra was OK. As Tabby walked my cool-down with me I realized I had forgotten my bottle of water. I took a shorter cool-down walk than usual, and I’ve been hydrating ever since.

I’m afraid this hasn’t been a very amusing post about a run. As I was running I was thinking of any number of interesting things to say, but right now they elude me. Guess I’m not re-hydrated yet. On the other hand, it is Wuss-out Wednesday. I’ll try to be more entertaining tomorrow, on Non-Sequitur Thursday.

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Preview of Tired Attractions

Posted on July 2, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Full Disclosure: I have no real excuse to have a Tired Tuesday post this week. I am off work (Further Disclosure: this was dictated by my place of employment, it was not my idea). I have been sleeping Not Too Badly.

On the other hand, it is dreadfully hot and humid today. I tend to melt in the heat. Just go ahead and hate on me, all you summer lovers and sun worshipers. On second thought, don’t hate on me, I’m in a very delicate mood today and I might cry.

Ahem, be that as it may, I will give a brief overview of my activities for today, some of which I may write full blog posts about at some future date.

I made a bowl of macaroni salad. It could be worth a post; after all, I used chives from my own garden. I went to Little Falls, NY. In the past, that has been good for a post about me driving around confused by the one-way streets, but today I drove right where I wanted to go. Score!

I had a lovely visit at the Little Falls Historical Society. I definitely plan to write about that. From there I went to the Little Falls Library. I ended up not staying there long enough to write about it, but I may return at a future date.

From there, I drove to Frankfort, NY, where I patronized the Friendly Bakeshop and Melrose Market. Both of these fine establishments deserve a post as well.

Anyone who is exclaiming in an annoyed tone of voice, “Write about it NOW!” will be doomed to disappointment. I have no brain available for such activities. But I hope what I have written so far will suffice for today. Happy Tuesday, everyone.

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Musings at the End of the Month

Posted on July 1, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is the last day of June. I seem to remember making a blog post where I said June was going to be All About My Novel and perhaps I would have a Julyathon concerning physical fitness. I should have known that July would sneak up on me. These things always do.

I must admit, to begin with, that June was not exactly All About the Novel. Some days I did not work on it at all. Some days I only managed a little tiny bit. I tried not to get discouraged or down on myself. That is always a danger. For example, I could say, “Oh to hell with it, I missed yesterday and I didn’t do very much today. I might as well give up!” Or I could go the drill sergeant route: “I’m a miserable moron who can’t write a word! A lazy, lollygagging bum! I’ve got to get to work NOW!” (Actually, I usually talk to myself in the second person “YOU’RE a lazy bum!” But I was afraid of being unclear.)

However, I did manage to keep making some sort of progress. Now the month is over and where do I find myself? Um, on the couch, composing my blog post as I type it into the computer (it’s actually a netbook or some such thing) (it was given to me by a generous sister). My novel has not progressed by leaps and bounds, and tomorrow should be the beginning of my Julyathon.

Hmmm… I wrote the title of this post before writing the post, and I don’t know that it really fits. Oh dear, that is OK on Non-Sequitur Thursday but is less than ideal for Middle-aged Musings Monday. What’s a blogger to do?

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In Praise of Nothing

Posted on June 30, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes, it is another Wrist to Forehead Sunday. I have spent the whole day doing nothing much and now I’m going to write about it.

Some people have to be up and doing every minute. When you waste time, these people argue, you are wasting your life away. Another school of thought says, if you enjoyed yourself, the time was not wasted. I say it wasn’t wasted either way. If it wasn’t fun, maybe you learned something. Or maybe you did something useful you weren’t even aware of. Or perhaps you just recharged your batteries.

My day today was a battery re-charging sort of a day. I lazed around. I read a Georgette Heyer novel. I’m watching Snapped. Most importantly, I hung with my husband and dog. How could I possibly consider the time wasted?

I have the next week off at work. I have big plans: to run, to write, to clean and more. But today I did not do any of it (unless you count this blog post as writing, which I suppose I do). Right now I am having a day where I’m just doing nothing.

And I think that is pretty OK.

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First on the To-Do List: Run

Posted on June 29, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had made up my mind not to do an especially strenuous run. For one thing, I ended up taking four days off (don’t judge). For another, I have many things to do today and I don’t want to peter out before I get to the fun stuff.

We had to get up at 3:30 this morning. Since I don’t have to go to work, I had originally thought to run at my preferred time of six or so but decided to get it out of the way earlier. With sunrise so early in June, I thought I might not be running in the dark the whole time anyways. For another reason, I could run before I ate, not eat and have to wait an hour to run. I had a cup of coffee first. Coffee is a beautiful thing.

It was 4:23 when I started out (I usually note the exact time, in case my stopwatch button malfunctions, I’ll still know how long I ran). The birds were singing, the temperature was perfect, and I congratulated myself on my perspicacity for getting out of the house early. I could see a little lightness in the sky and felt happy about that.

I crossed German Street, thinking to run out Main as far as Weber, then down the path over what used to be a hydraulic canal. That would be pleasant and not involve any hills. Really, in Herkimer, it is more usual to go for a run and not encounter any hills. But I had it on my mind today. I wanted to recruit my energies while still pursuing my weight loss and fitness goals.

The streetlights offered plenty of light till I started down Weber. The end of Weber was shrouded in darkness. Did I want to run down a deep, dark path at four in the morning? Then I thought it probably wouldn’t be so bad when I got up to it. If it was so bad, I reasoned, I could always turn around in a sensible if ignoble fashion.

No, it was fine. Only a big old tree made it seem dark from the end of the street. Beyond the shadow of the tree there was plenty of light. I continued my plan of running on the path. The increasing light in the distance was comforting. It certainly felt beyond psycho time if not beyond skunk time. As usual, I kept an eye out for both.

As I continued my run, I realized my folly in waiting till 4:23 to begin. I was hungry. I used that to my advantage, picturing a tasty egg sammich as my reward for a run well done (YES, it’s called a sammich! Sheesh!). How long would I run was the next question. 29 minutes was my last longest time. Match it? Beat it? Take really seriously my caveat to recruit my energies and do less? I decided with no hills and no sprints that matching it would meet all my goals.

The sun was almost completely up when Tabby and I walked my cool-down. I don’t often time it right so that I run in the dark and cool down in the light, so I enjoyed that. And I felt that frisson of virtue, accomplishing the first thing on my long list. Now I can cross out another item: making my blog post. I hope everybody is enjoying their Saturday.

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What if None of my Guesses are Right?

Posted on June 28, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

It does not matter how bad I have been all week, I cannot, I simply cannot be good on Lame Post Friday.

That statement just cries out for some half-baked philosophy on what is “good” and “bad.” In this context, apparently “good” is “good writing,” a manifestly subjective term. Although, I guess by “good” I must mean a blog post about something OTHER THAN the fact that I have nothing to write a blog post about. Something I wrote earlier today and, dare I say, edited. Maybe thought about. Maybe made a little bit “better” than something I just type off the cuff at the computer.

Well, here is my problem. Every time I write something foolish (like this, I hope), I get Likes from other bloggers. Apparently my writing off the cuff is extremely entertaining to some people. On the other hand, perhaps they merely hit “Like” because I have made them feel so much better about their own blogs because mine is so bad (note the absence of quotations this time). In any case, I have been encouraged in my folly.

My other problem is, it’s kind of fun to just sit here rattling on. Editing can be hard work. For one thing, unless it is really obvious which is the better way to say something, it leads to some very uncomfortable second guessing. I hate second guessing! For one thing, it very often turns out that none of my guesses are right.

I’m hoping for some running commentary tomorrow. In the meantime, happy Friday, everyone.

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