Category Archives: humor

I’ll Never Be an Art Critic

Full disclosure: I’ve been trying to write this post for two weeks now. I just can’t think of the right things to say. I’m pretty sure that the stuff I’ve said so far is pretty dumb. However, it is late in the day on Saturday and I need a post. Let’s see what my editing skills are up to.

At the beginning of May, I went to the Mohawk Valley Center for the Arts in Little Falls, NY for the exhibit opening of “From the River to the Sea with David Burns.” Dr. Burns is an MD who took up painting and is very good at it. He says, “An artist could be anyone who is attentive to his surrounds; notices when a common scene becomes caught in an uncommon light.” I really liked the exhibit.

I confess that I feel kind of cool when I say to people, “I’m going to an exhibit opening at the arts center.” I don’t know why exactly. I’m not cultured; I’m barely housebroken. I don’t think I’m a snob. I mean, I’m not one to do things because they are “culture,” whatever that means. However, I do like looking at art. I like talking to other people who like looking at art. And sometimes they serve refreshments at these openings.

Ah well, I think the question of why I like saying I’m going to an exhibit opening is one best left for half-baked philosophy on Lame Post Friday. Right now, I would like to give a shout-out to Mohawk Valley Center for the Arts.

I walked around the gallery at least three times, admiring each painting, trying to decide which was my favorite. Of course I couldn’t decide, but I think I liked best the pictures of old buildings from the area. “Old Stone Schoolhouse” was a particular standout. I wish I knew some good art critic-y things to say like “beautifully observed” or… OK “beautifully observed” is the only one I can think of. This is kind of like when I taste wine and all I can think to say is “yummy.” These were some beautiful pictures.

I did enjoy the elegant refreshments. I would have liked to ask for the recipe for the scones but felt a little self-conscious doing so. Then I felt a little silly for enjoying the food when the point of the day was the art.

The exhibit runs through June 21. I plan to return return one afternoon to look at the pictures again, when there will probably be fewer people there. Gallery hours are Thursday through Saturday 12 to 3 p.m. For more information on the Mohawk Valley Center for the Arts you can visit their website at www.MohawkValleyArts.org, and you can Like them on Facebook.

Crap! I Forgot to Write my Post!

It is Lame Post Friday, and I knew it would be Lame Post Friday, so I did not exercise myself too much about my blog post for today. So sorry about that.

I had some thoughts earlier today about “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” But when I mentioned them to Steven, he made an observation that told me my thoughts were not all that original. Oh dear! We can’t have that! I’ll save that subject for another Lame Post Friday.

For today, I’m afraid I have very few random observations and half-baked philosophies (the mainstays of Lame Post Friday, for those of you just tuning in). One observation: late afternoon traffic in Ilion, NY is terrible. That is scarcely original: traffic is terrible in many places at many times. That might be a starting point for some half-baked philosophy about why our society is so crowded and in such a hurry. Hmm, can’t think of much to say about that.

OK, I’m in favor of full disclosure, so here it is for today: I left work today and met my husband Steven at the laundromat. After we left there, I talked him into going to the Belly Up Pub for Happy Hour. We had a delightful time. I will no doubt write a blog post about it.

In the meantime, I got nuthin’ for today. What a surprise. All I want to do is sit and knit and watch the movie that Steven selected to continue our Friday night. I may write another post about that, but for tonight, have a good Lame Post Friday.

Let’s see what I can come up with for Saturday.

Fun at Fly Creek

Any place that offers free samples is an OK place in my book. At the top of the list is the Fly Creek Cider Mill.

You can walk around the sales floor and sample dips, sauces, salsas and more. You can also try the hard cider and apple wine, if you’re over 21, which I am. If you’re hungrier than samples will satisfy, there is a snack bar. On a recent trip with a family group, some people in the group were that hungry.

“But if you buy something inside, you can get 10 percent off at the snack bar,” I told them. “You can have some free samples to hold you over.” I was out-voted. That was OK. The snack bar offers some pretty tasty stuff, and I saved room for samples.

The fellow at the wine tasting bar was very knowledgeable. I learned that true ice wine is made when the fruit has frozen before being picked. Some unscrupulous winemakers freeze the fruit after picking and fall it ice wine, but the Apple Wine we sampled was the real thing. Very sweet, definitely a dessert wine, in case you wanted to know.

After some sampling, we went upstairs to admire gifts and decorations. I’m not exactly ready to think about Christmas yet, but they sure do have some pretty stuff.

One of my favorite things to do at the cider mill is to feed the ducks, geese and chickens. Several vending machines dispense a handful of corn for a quarter. I also gathered some corn from the ground, where people had dropped it. Waste not, want not. I especially like to go up on the deck and toss corn into the pond for the ducks to dive for.

I usually go to the Fly Creek Cider Mill several times a year. For more information you can visit their website at www.flycreekcidermill.com. You can also Like them on Facebook. I did.

A Post in the Blog is Worth Two in the Notebook

It is turning out to be a Wuss-out Wednesday. I see no reason to apologize for this, as I seem to get more likes for posts about Why I Can’t Write a Post than I get for what I continue to think of as “real” posts.

It did not start out to be Wuss-Out Wednesday. Early in the day I wrote an entire post about an authentic Mohawk Valley adventure I had. Then I went to work. While I worked, I thought of something else to write a blog post about. I even started writing it in my head. When the buzzer for the nine o’clock break rang, I grabbed my notebook and wrote frantically.

Well, what can I say? Things happen.

What happened, you may quite reasonably ask. Oh, never mind. Explanations are so tiresome and I do enough complaining as it is. I did, however, end up writing a good deal more of the second post I started.

So two posts in the notebook, and crap on the computer. What’s that all about, you may ask, another quite reasonable inquiry. The answer is, I don’t think either one is quite good enough to share with you, my beloved readers (ooh, here’s a Freudian typo: I started to type “freaders” Could that be a combination of “freaks” and “readers”) (not meaning to imply anything and no offense meant).

Without exactly complaining, I will just MENTION that I’ve had a headache all day. It is one thing to write frantically. I am just not up to editing.

So out I wuss. Happy Wednesday, everybody.

Another Little Falls Destination

A really fun shopping trip, whether you buy anything or not, is the Little Falls Antique Center and The Shops at 25 West, 25 West Mill Street, Little Falls, NY. I particularly like to go there with a group of people, because we point out different things to each other. Last Sunday, I had the opportunity to do just that.

We admired antiques, collectibles, vintage clothing and more. Jewelry and paintings by local artists are available, as well as alpaca products. I remembered seeing the llamas at some of the festivals we’ve been to, Canalfest and the Mohawk Valley Garlic and Herb Fest, for example. You can buy accessories made with the alpaca wool or the yarn and make things yourself.

After trying on several hats which he did not buy (although I took a picture), my nephew found a vintage varsity jacket that had his name on it. No, really, his name was embroidered on it. My sister got a lamp made out of clarinet.

“She could just make one out of her clarinet,” I said.

“No, she still plays that,” my mother reminded me. I bet if I still had a cello, people would pay me to make a lamp out of it so that I wouldn’t play it any more. However, my sister is a talented musician.

We wandered around both buildings for a while. I did not buy anything for once, but others in my group did and were quite pleased with their purchases. What I wish I had gotten was a cup of coffee from Ole Sal’s Cafe, because I heard it was good coffee.

I’m sure I’ll be back in Little Falls soon, because it is just a short drive from Herkimer. If nothing else, my sister definitely plans to visit me for the Garlic Festival.

The shops are open every day from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. For more information you can visit their website at www.littlefallsantiquecenter.com.

Helping Herkimer Now

I’ve given a shout-out to Herkimer Now before. They are a group dedicated to revitalizing Herkimer, NY, beginning with Main Street. They recently held a fundraiser which worked out very well for me, at least.

The event was a Chinese Auction they held at the Polish Home on South Washington Street. Now, when I hear about a fundraiser for a worthy cause, I like to donate an afghan if I have one, which I usually do. I was not sure if they would want one, because I heard they were getting a lot of fabulous donations from area businesses. Of course it couldn’t hurt to ask.

Being me, I neglected to contact them till the event was less than a week away. However, the nice lady I emailed said they would love to have an afghan, could I drop it by the Polish Home Friday night when they would be setting up? I could.

It was just after seven when Steven and I dropped the afghan off. They were just getting started, but we could see that they had a lot of good stuff. They were pleased with my afghan, which was red, white and blue. They paired it with a patriotic pillow somebody else had donated, to make a kind of a theme.

Steven had to work the next day, but I found room in my busy schedule to go down and put in some chances. Gift certificates, baskets with various tantalizing contents, a gorgeous guitar, decor… I can’t even name all the stuff that was there. I put in for several of the baskets and a few of the gift certificates. I looked at the guitar, but since I don’t play I thought it better to leave it for those who do.

Anyone who bought tickets for the Chinese Auction was also entered to win the door prize, a beautiful floral arrangement. I also purchased tickets for the 50/50. Refreshments were available, but I was more interested in the prizes.

My awesome results? Two gift certificates and a Basket of Fun. The certificates were for Crazy Otto’s — a favorite of ours — and milk shakes from Stewarts’s — yum! The basket of fun included cards, dominoes, a jigsaw puzzle and a little stuffed bear.

I’m also pleased to support Herkimer Now, and I wish them success in their efforts to improve our village. For more information on Herkimer Now, you can visit their website at www.herkimernow.org and you can Like them on Facebook.

Happy Sunday

What a fun day I have just had. Mohawk Valley adventures galore! But it is getting late in the day, I must hit publish and start winding down my weekend (some of us work for a living, you know). I hope to write at greater length of my adventures as the week wears on. Today I will content myself with a preview of coming attractions.

A whole group of us went to the antique shops in Little Falls, NY. This consists of various vendors in two renovated old factories. It’s a cool setting offering interesting merchandise.

From there we drove to the Fly Creek Cider Mill, another popular destination in our area. We ate, we sampled, we shopped, we fed the ducks. It was great.

In between we drove over winding, hilly country roads. The scenery! The sights! It was awesome! The weather was beautiful, the company was the best. There was just very little lacking for it to be the perfect day.

And now I sit in my lovely Herkimer home (not be confused with Herkimer Home, another destination Mohawk Valley Girl likes to write about), relaxing with my loved ones and enjoying my usual Sunday evening television shows.

Have you guessed that my wrist is not on my forehead? Everything is delightful. I apologize that I cannot write more eloquently about it. I’ll try to do better as the week progresses. Happy Sunday, everybody.

Sometimes Ya Gotta Clean

Sometimes that little writing voice in your head says, “I don’t want to write this now.” Then you have a choice to make. You listen or you don’t. Today I decided to listen.

Actually I decided to listen the third or fourth time the voice said it. That is why there are two more paragraphs on an unpublished draft I started to write earlier this week. Are they any good? I can’t tell that till later. So anybody who was about to start huffing about how you just have to Not Give In to Writer’s Block, just go huff at somebody else. This is my story and I’m sticking to it.

I truly did not want to have a Wrist to Forehead Saturday. I didn’t even want to do a post about Why I Can’t Write a Post (as usual, the irony is not lost on me). I considered doing a post about cleaning my house, which is mostly what I did today. I was going to include the line, “Step one: Invite people over.” I got a little bogged down in subsequent steps, and that was when I was still writing in my head.

This morning I took a walk to the post office with my schnoodle, Tabby. I tried to pay close attention to things, so I could write about that. Running commentary was out of the question, because I needed my energy to clean. Well, unless these walks are really noteworthy, I need to write about them right away for the post to be any good. I was certainly willing to do that, but… dirty living room called.

I’m sensing a pattern here. As with my diet, so with my writing: there is always an excuse not to do the right thing. Oh, with my running, too. Damn. So today I call myself out on my excuses. But I don’t feel too bad about myself. Because you know what, I didn’t run, but I walked. I haven’t eaten anything too fattening yet, because I was too busy cleaning. And earlier, when I needed a break from cleaning, I did a little work on my novel.

So what I’m saying is, I don’t suck.

And who’s to say that cleaning my house was not the right thing to do?

Lame: Ain’t it Grand?

It does not matter how many ridiculous posts I may have in a week, I still love my Lame Post Friday, home of random observations and half-baked philosophy.

I took my schnoodle Tabby for a walk this afternoon, hoping to come up with some of the former. Mostly I observed tulips in people’s yards. I love tulips. I think I like the orange and yellow ones best. They are blooming late this year, as are most things. Perhaps I should go into some half-baked philosophy here about being something of a late bloomer myself. Then again, most people probably do not want to hear about my bloomers (sorry, couldn’t resist).

I also observed a young couple on the sidewalk a block or two ahead of me, holding hands. Young love, ain’t it grand? My main observation was of their clothing. It seems to me that gender divisions in clothes are becoming more pronounced. The boys’ are getting baggier while the girls’ are getting tighter. Well, I have not exactly done a study.

The warm weather does seem to have people in a better mood (just to put in some more half-baked philosophy). Warm weather, warm hearts? Well, Tabby and I enjoyed it. For the first time since fall, I walked without any kind of jacket.

Wow, this is a really boring post (my next stunning observation). However, my gentle readers will suffer no longer. I’m over 200 words. Happy Friday, everybody.

Murder on the Blog Post

Is anybody keeping score as to how many posts I write about Why I Can’t Write a Post? I hope not. In fact, why should I flatter myself that people are paying that much attention to me in the first place? At least I was working on something different this time. I was trying to kill someone.

I just said that to be dramatic. I was writing a murder mystery. You see, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… oh wait, that’s something else. It was in the North Country, as that area of northern New York State likes to call itself. And it was the 1990s, so, you know, not yesterday. My husband and I and some friends used to have a company called Murder For Hire. We put on interactive murder mystery dinner theatre.

I used to write most of them, and I like to think I was pretty good at it. We never made a lot of money, but we had a lot of fun. I really miss doing them. When I get a real intense bout of writer’s blank, sometimes I start one, just to get my creative juices flowing.

Regular readers may recall my saying that my novel is at a standstill. I keep thinking about it while at work (a good time for working out plot points), but nothing much is coming. So I started to think about something else. I thought about a possible venue for a murder mystery. I thought of an organization that might like to do one as a fundraiser. Then I thought about what kind of murder mystery they would like. Then next thing I knew, I was making notes.

I started that yesterday after I had written the day’s post, so I’ve been at it for two days now. I am enjoying it quite a bit. Will I feel confident enough to actually approach the organization I thought might like it? We shall see. And probably write a blog post about it.