Category Archives: humor

Just Be Nice

Posted on October 25, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I try to keep this blog positive. It’s not that I have a problem with negative. In fact, sometimes when I read the reviews in Entertainment Weekly, I skip anything higher than a C+ (sometimes I don’t read any; when did movie reviewers get so easy to please?). But my purpose here is to be a booster for the area. I want to highlight something my readers might like, not warn them away from things they might not.

That makes it difficult when I go to a local business and do not have a good experience. I’m not going to warn anybody against any places where very possibly the staff was merely having a bad day. But I am also not going to give a positive review where one is not deserved.

Under these circumstances and given some recent experiences, I can only offer, without naming names or using identifying characteristics, is a rant about Dealing with the Public. I will preface this by saying I’ve been there! I know. In fact, I could do another whole blog post on what stinkers customers can be and you should be nice to service personnel (ooh, that can be my topic for tomorrow).

The first thing I have to observe is that it is not too hard to smile. You don’t have to gush, give compliments, chat me up, etc. You don’t even need to make recommendations or give positive feedback on my selections. But maintain a pleasant demeanor. Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you just helped the absolute worst customer in the world. Or your boss yelled at you for something that was not your fault. Or you just got horrendous personal news. Or you have a raging sinus headache or other physical pain. We’ve all been there (and if you haven’t been there, please go away; you have led too charmed a life to consort with us mere mortals). But here’s what I found: if I somehow, some way managed to be nice to the next customer, very often that customer would be nice back to me. And that would make me feel better.

To all retail and restaurant people out there who are doing your job to the best of your abilities and striving to stay pleasant: THANK YOU! To those of you who are being unpleasant, or neglecting to ask my husband does he want more coffee (he almost always does) (too specific?), or committing other infractions against good customer service, I doubt you know who you are. But I hope you start having better days soon. Then maybe I can give you and your employers a positive blog post.

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Lame S****, Different Day

Posted on October 23, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

For those of you who missed Lame Post Friday as much as I did, here is some rather foolish commentary about my ride home Thursday.

When I left work on Thursday, I was on a mission to procure a special snack for my husband, Steven, and I to share when he came home for his dinner break at 5:30ish. I though I might go to Melrose Market in Frankfort and see if they had anything.

I work at a certain factory in Ilion. Now, there are a few different ways to get from Ilion to Herkimer or Ilion to Frankfort, as the case may be. The most direct route to my house is out State Route 5. That is a very busy route between 3:30 and 4, so I usually go through Mohawk. It’s kind of fascinating to me how Herkimer, Mohawk, Ilion and Frankfort kind of run into each other. You can go on one of two highways — State Route 5 or Route 5S (east or west) — or you can go through the villages. It’s fun. Or am I too easily amused?

And here’s a related question, why is there a State Route 5 and a Route 5S so close together? You can’t run out of numbers. That is a recurring theme around here. For example, Ilion has a Second Street and a Second Avenue. I can understand being just too tired to think up another street name. But numbers are infinite, and we all know the order they go in. Just move on to the next number! How hard can it be? Apparently too. If anybody out there knows the very logical, understandable reason the streets are thus named, I would be interested to hear it. But I will not feel the least bit chastened, and I will not cease to poke fun.

Now then, where was I? Ah yes, driving around the block in Ilion. I didn’t quite explain that, did I? I took a right rather than a left out of the factory parking lot when I really wanted to go left. Just go around the block, right? How hard could it be? Well, Ilion is a little like Rome: screwy. None of the streets are quite parallel, and nothing comes out where you think it ought to. “Going around the block” in this case necessitates two right turns, one left, another right, another left, and two more rights. On the brighter side, this brings you out right next to the liquor store. I stopped and got a bottle of Pinot Noir. Not Vampire Pinot Noir, which would have been seasonal, because they didn’t have any. Still, Noir is dark. But I digress.

I drove through Ilion into Frankfort, not needing to go on one of the highways. I passed a sign that said “Saranac Tasting 4 to 7.” It was 3:55, which was just as well, because I was on a time budget. Unfortunately, when I got to Frankfort, there was not a parking space to be had anywhere near Melrose Market. I love that grocery store, but the parking situation leaves something to be desired. I drove past and got onto State Route 5. From here I could go back to Ilion and try again. This would bring me near that Saranac tasting at four. I was tempted, but like I said, on a time budget. I opted to drive into Herkimer and my old stand by, Hannaford. From there, I went home and fixed roll-ups, as described in yesterday’s post.

I hope this satisfies everybody’s need for my weekly silliness quotient. It certainly satisfied mine.

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An Anniversary Snack

Posted on October 22, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

Anybody who has been looking forward to Lame Post Friday (I was) is about to be disappointed. You see, I’m working Saturday, thus depriving Friday of all meaning. This week, Friday is dead to me.

However, the following post is not, I think, without lame qualities. It is one of my silly pseudo cooking posts, but I have tried to add a bit of Mohawk Valley flavor. Kind of sort of.

I had pledged to make a “snacky thing” to share with Steven on his dinner break, to celebrate our anniversary. I decided to make roll ups.

I started by spreading Garlic and Herb Spread on flat bread. I had purchased the spread, made by Adirondack Cheese Company of Barneveld, at Tripple’s Produce in Schuyler (see, Mohawk Valley). Then I put roast beef and black forest turkey ham (some people find turkey ham a contradiction in terms, but I really don’t mind it) on it, which I dotted with more spread to be like glue. I topped that wtih slices of Sorrento Provalone Cheese. Sorrento Cheese, I recently discovered, is made in Buffalo, NY. Not quite the Mohawk Valley, but still in the state. Then I rolled it up, wrapped it in tin foil and put it in the refrigerator to chill.

I made a second one with the same meat and cheese, but I had used up the last of the cheese spread. Instead, I used guacamole, made by me in my own personal Mohawk Valley kitchen. I also chilled some black olives, to be our vegetable.

I set out a couple of champagne flutes and put a bottle of seltzer with lime in an ice bucket. I figured at least it was bubbly, and it actually tasted pretty good.

When Steven got home, I sliced the roll ups. He had gotten out early for his break, so I did not have time to tastefully arrange them on a fancy plate. We ate them off the cutting board, toasted each other with the seltzer, and enjoyed Steven’s break. After 21 years, it wasn’t bad.

We intend to have a real dinner out one night soon, taking advantage of one of the great Mohawk Valley restaurants. That’ll be a post for another day.

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Adventures in Sandwiches

Posted on October 21, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

As you may or may not know, I work for a living. And I carry a lunch every day. Until recently, I’ve been spoiled by Steven, the best husband ever, making my lunch every day. Lately, however, I have had to take responsibility for my own nutrition. What else to do but write a blog post about it?

The line at the deli at Hannaford was way too busy the day I shopped, so nothing easy like salami or roast beef was available. Boiling eggs for egg and olive was too much trouble, but I thought I could manage a can opener.

So I put some mayonnaise and a little mustard in the bowl with the tuna. Then I added a bunch of dill and minced onion. The dill was Pampered Chef All Purpose Dill Mix. The onion was dehydrated onion I bought at Aldi’s for 99 cents. I just wanted to make it clear I did not go so far as to actually mince onion or chop dill myself. I put my concoction (Steven calls me The Concocter when it comes to cooking) in a whole wheat pita for lunch the next day. When I ate it I was moved to remark, “I’m a genius.” I was, of course, indulging in hyperbole. And taking credit for what was, I believe, mainly the efforts of the dill.

The next day I made the effort to boil eggs for egg and olive. I used mayonnaise and mustard, thinking of deviled eggs. The dill had worked so well before, I added some of that as well as some salt free all purpose seasoning. And a little paprika, in keeping with the deviled egg theme. Unfortunately, when I went to add the olives, I messed up. I had gotten salad olives, so I did not have to chop them up. In scooping them out of the jar, I failed to drain them properly, and my egg and olive turned out soupy. It tasted pretty good, but I was concerned it would turn the bread soggy. I was tired at that point (I poop out early and easily these days), so I put it in the refrigerator and made my sandwich of some leftover chicken nuggets (sometimes I eat like a little kid — chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese out of a box). Later on I’ll get up the ambition to cook another couple of eggs to un-soup it. Or maybe some potatoes and make it be egg and potato salad, which a little soupiness never hurt. I’ll decide.

I think regarding the egg and olive fiasco, my problem was I did not cook with wine. You know the tee shirt: “I cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.” I read a recipe in a blog called “Happiness Stan Lives Here” that had a great first instruction: “Pour glass of wine (note that no wine is in the actual recipe it simply provides inspiration to the process).” That blog is at: http://happinessstanlives.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/chinese-curry-sans-take-away/ I maybe should have made a comment on the blog or something asking was it OK if I quoted it. But I think it’s OK if I properly document the source. Like the quotes we used to put in term papers (must write that post on Crap We Wrote in School).

So those were my sandwich adventures for the week. Whenever I do a post like this, I feel I should connect it to the Mohawk Valley somehow. After all, I am, as I recently declared in a post, Mohawk Valley Girl. Nothing comes to mind. Oh well, I’m here and this is what I did. Stay tuned for future adventures.

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Why I’m Staying in the Mohawk Valley

Posted on October 19, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

Doesn’t that title sound like a composition your teacher assigned you in school? Kind of like “What I Did on My Summer Vacation,” a theme which, incidentally, I was never, ever assigned, although I penned a few other topics which I was convinced were immortal. But I digress.

I know I’ve waxed eloquent about the area’s people, businesses, weather, community, etc. (and by “waxed eloquent,” I mean “went on and on”), but I think it is a topic worth re-visiting. And since I have not done anything specifically Mohawk Valley-ish lately, here we are re-visiting it (actually, it’s kind of too bad, because now I think I could do a pretty amusing post on Crap We Wrote in School).

So let’s re-iterate some of the things in the Valley I’ve praised before. The people are nice. I intend to take my dog for a walk later, and I fully expect to encounter at least a few people who will exchange smiles or hello’s. We may even pet each other’s dogs. On the walk I will be enjoying the autumn Mohawk Valley weather. Sweltering summer (which some people like) is past, freezing winter (which I kind of like) is not here yet. It is very pleasant, and the fall foliage is still showing color.

Friday I may go to dinner with my husband, to celebrate our anniversary. We have many choices. I’ll probably do a blog post on whichever we pick. Saturday, I’m sure, will offer at least one community event. A church rummage sale, a fall fest or maybe even something haunted. I’ve been too busy to read the paper, so Saturday may be a little last minute.

I intend to stay in the Mohawk Valley, because I enjoy all these things. However, the real reason I intend to stay in the Mohawk Valley is just this: every time I leave, the weather in other places SUCKS! We went to Vermont and watched a soccer game in the pouring rain (actually, I thought that was kind of fun, but Steven did not enjoy getting soggy). We went to Cranberry Lake and huddled in the cabin watching it — again — pour (again, still a fun weekend; we visited a friend). In between those jaunts we stayed in Herkimer where it was — you guessed it — SUNNY! It was a beautiful weekend! We loved it! I think the message is clear.

I can see a few of you shaking your heads and even opening your mouths to say, “It rains here, too.” For heavens’ sake, I know that. I even wrote a couple of posts a few weeks ago about wanting a rainy Sunday. It’s not the weather. The weather is merely a symbol: Going away from home does not work for me. My blog posts are less fun. I’m less fun.

I see my path clear before me: No more weekends away. From now on I spend my time in the Mohawk Valley, being Mohawk Valley Girl (you just knew I was going to end with that, didn’t you?).

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Snapped Judgements

Posted on October 18, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I know, this blog is supposed to be about the Mohawk Valley. I get out and patronize a local business, attend a local event or visit a local attraction and write about it as best I can. A couple of times a week I count local walks or runs. And of course there’s the weekly Lame Post, about which the least said the better. Even two posts in which I wrote about watching monster movies on TCM (hey, why aren’t they showing scary movies for Halloween month?) I tried to inject some local color.

That long-winded paragraph is by way of being an apology of sorts because today I’m going to write about my favorite TV show: Snapped.

Snapped is a documentary crime show on Oxygen (or is it called OH! now? I can’t keep track of these cable stations). They profile women who kill. They cover a pretty broad spectrum: abused wives who kill in self defense, ladies who are too religious to get a divorce (don’t get me started), ordinary wives who just want the insurance (with or without a double indemnity clause. Double Indemnity is one of my favorite movies). It isn’t all wives; sometimes it’s a daughter killing her parents or step-parents. Usually because she thinks she Juliet and didn’t read the play so doesn’t realize Juliet kills herself. Sometimes the woman is found innocent, sometimes guilty. Often they have the woman herself appear, proclaiming her innocence, and I sit there say, “You totally did it!”

What I don’t like is when they have cheesy reenactments. Reenactments are almost always cheesy. Most of the time they are not needed. Just tell me they argued. I don’t need to see two actors gesticulating at each other. I know what an argument is. The only time a reenactment is helpful is when it is something hard to picture. For example, the lady who demonstrated for the cops how she tripped on a book while putting away her husband’s gun, causing her to accidentally shoot him while he napped on the couch. Actually, that may have been a videotape the cops made of her explanation. If I was a cop, I would want to videotape such a thing.

My favorite way to watch Snapped is one episode after another, which is the way Oxygen usually shows them. My only problem is, I’ve seen them all (except for the “So New” episodes they keep promising me), sometimes several times. Still, it’s my guilty pleasure. I must indulge.

So here is something you can enjoy: in and out of the Mohawk Valley. Check you local listings.

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Lame Post Saturday?

Posted on October 15, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had really meant to do something blogworthy yesterday. If nothing else, I fully intended to run this morning, which is always good for a few paragraphs. Well, anybody who read my lame post yesterday (which I don’t recommend) would know I was prostrated by a sinus headache. I barely made my post at all. I woke up this morning headache free. The relief of it! Anybody who suffers debilitating headaches knows what I mean. Anybody who does not suffer bad headaches and thinks I am being a big baby (always a possibility, I admit), just feel grateful you didn’t have my pain and don’t judge.

Now there’s some half baked philosophy I could have gotten into for Lame Post Friday: don’t judge. Did you ever notice that other people’s complaints often seem less complain-worthy than our own? I believe some people are drama queens or kings (no gender based stereotypes for Mohawk Valley Girl). “She doesn’t just get get a headache, she gets a migraine.” Obviously some people do get migraines, and some people like to make a brain tumor out of a stiff neck. How can I tell which is which? Sometimes I can’t. After my pain yesterday, I feel I will be more sympathetic the next time somebody else wants to whine and cry.

Here’s a random observation: This morning when I opened the front door to look for the newspaper (not there yet, as usual), I paused to admire Steven’s Halloween decorations. He hung orange and purple lights including some lit up ghosts and eyeballs. Specialist Spaz, one of my army BDUs we stuff every year, has a lit-up pumpkin for a head. Steven also put his chair on top of a box so he is taller and more visible to passers by. Um, I mean Spc. Spaz’s chair, not Steven’s, although I think my husband would make a handsome Halloween decoration. I myself put some dead flowers from when we dismantled my container garden into the flower box. It only remains for me to refurbish Broomhead and put him out. I think a dummy named Broomhead needs no explanation. Am I right?

So I guess this is my Saturday post: the half baked philosophy and random observations I usually reserve for Friday. Let’s call Friday a sick day, and we’ll hope for something more scintillating on Sunday.

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A Really Lame Friday Post

Posted on October 15, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is not easy to write even a lame blog post when you have crashed and burned. Yes, I have crashed and burned.

And not an exciting crash and burn with a loud noise on impact and flames leaping in the air. Not even smouldering embers, which would at least have a certain sexy implication. More like a rapid but silent descent down a steep, slippery slope (ooh, alliteration) followed by an odd stench. Soggy, useless ashes, that’s me. Or burned plastic, edges curled, all discolored. Boy, I love metaphor.

Well, that was all I had written in my head before I sat down this morning to write today’s post. Not a bad start, if you like that sort of thing. I would continue writing on the next break and perhaps come up with some random observations or half-baked philosophy. No such luck.

I spent my Friday trying to work around The Worst Headache. I did not write on my breaks. I sat with my head in my hands on my breaks. I guess it was a Mohawk Valley themed headache, because I believe it was caused by my fall sinuses. I do love fall, but fall does not love me.

Now is the time when I usually type in what I wrote, add, edit, etc., and I got nothin’. And not Plenty o’ Nothin’ like in Porgy N Bess. Just big goose egg for ideas. Sorry. My headache is subsiding, probably due to the coffee I’m drinking that may keep me up all night. That’s the price I pay. The price you pay is you had to read another lame Friday blog post. At least it was short! Have a good weekend.

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Yet Another Post About Running

Posted on October 12, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have been remiss about running lately, which is too bad, because a good run — or even a rotten run — is usually good for a blog post. I did manage to run both days this past weekend (no three day weekend for this working girl).

Previous weekends I’ve gotten out of bed, into the sports bras and out the door. This method has the advantage of not giving myself time to think of good reasons not to go running. I am rather ingenious at coming up with seemingly unassailable excuses (I just love that word “unassailable”).

Saturday, however, I sat around in sweats and had a couple cups of coffee with my husband. I’ll tell you what (and I posted this as my Facebook status that day): running after coffee is the Way to Go (I also clarified that I mean going running after you drink coffee, not pursuing coffee down the street, although that too would be motivational) (I just had to include that, because I felt so witty when I thought of it) (or do I flatter myself?) (But I digress) (Too many parenthetical comments?).

I felt pretty terrific. I did not run any hills, nor did I run as far as I had been. Back under the 30 minute plateau for me. But I thought after five days off, I wouldn’t kill myself. I did stop to pet one cute dog, by the way.

Sunday I tried the post-caffeine athletics again. I ran up the hill by Vally Health Services. It is not a huge hill compared to my beloved Herkimer County Community College (HCCC) challenger, but it’s hill enough to say so.

After the hill, I ran by the high school. I like to run by the high school on a Sunday and think, “Ah, what if I would have gotten my teaching certificate?” The school is usually pretty quiet on a Sunday.

I ran over the little bridge toward the parking lot/street I like to run down, because sometimes angels leave coins to encourage me (do I have to explain that again? Are there any new readers today?).

Sunday some game or event was going on. I saw parents and kids making their way toward the field. I tried to look athletic. I hoped nobody noticed me stop to pick up a penny (encouragement!). Then I realized nobody was paying the least bit of attention to me. A relief and a disappointment. I ran on.

I saw a cute little dog with no leash.

“Hi, cute little dog,” I said. “Where’s your person?” She was sitting on a nearby porch. I waved and said good morning. I’ve seen that dog before.

I do enjoy my runs. The Mohawk Valley weather is crisping up nicely. I must run up the hill to HCCC soon to enjoy the view while the leaves are still colored. That’ll be a good reason for another post about running.

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A Run and Two Walks

Posted on October 8, 2011 by mohawkvalleygirl

As I sit here pondering that it’s Lame Post Friday, I am forced to come to the conclusion: I got nuthin’ (not even a g).

I have not run since Sunday. Sunday was a good run in Vermont, where we were visiting Steven’s family. I reached the “Oh yeah, I can rock this” stage. Of course, I even realized at the time that the feeling had something to do with the fact that I was on a gentle down slope. Let’s hear it for gravity.

Where my sisters-in-law live, the run is scenic but can be a little nerve wracking, because for the most part there are no sidewalks and the road has no shoulder. The posted speed limit is 25 mph, which should help, but, well, you know speed limits. Most people see them as a mere suggestion and others insist upon regarding them as a minimum. (True story: when we lived in Georgia, the paper had a call-in comment line. One yahoo called in and said, “When the speed limit is 45, I should be able to do at least 45.”)

Anyways, advantage Herkimer, for lots of sidewalks and a nice wide shoulder on the road to Herkimer County Community College, my favorite hill.

As I said, I have not taken advantage of the Herkimer sidewalks this week for running purposes. I didn’t even take my dog, Tabby, for a walk the first two days. Monday she didn’t seem to mind, but Tuesday when I went so far as to leave the house, she got a little miffed. She didn’t pee on the floor or chew anything up. She just sat on the love seat and turned her face pointedly away from me. Luckily, all was forgiven when I returned. That’s the great thing about dogs: they never hold a grudge.

So on Wednesday, I was determined to make things up to my dog by not deserting her to run and by taking her for a long walk. It was a beautiful sunny day. I put on my crazy old lady hat, because it has a nice wide brim. We walked for a good half hour.

The next night Steven was home, so we all three walked together. That walk was a little more eventful. We met up with a tiny dog that immediately started pulling on her leash to meet Tabby. They sniffed each other and got their leashes tangled. The little dog was definitely more excited to meet Tabby than vice versa, but Tabby was greatly interested in getting the dog’s owner to pet her. The owner told us the little dog’s best friend was a doberman that lived a couple of houses over. There was another big dog nearby, she said, who was also a friend. As we walked on, a dog up a driveway started barking.

“There’s a dog,” I said, although I did not actually see him. We started to cross the street, not to avoid the dog. It was the way we were headed.

“Oh, he’s a nice dog,” the little dog’s owner called after us. We did not get to meet that dog. We passed a house for sale.

“If we bought that house, Tabby could get to know all those dogs,” I said. We did not call our realtor, though.

We strolled down the path over what used to be a hydraulic canal. There are a few little stations with information and pictures. One day I’ll go for a walk carrying a notebook and put some of that in a blog post. Just warning you. Uh, I mean preview of coming attractions.

We admired some roadwork the village had done, envied some houses’ Halloween decorations and in general enjoyed the scene. And as I often blog about innocuous strolls with our schnoodle, I guess this qualifies as my Friday Lame Post.

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