Category Archives: Lame Post Friday

Novel Thoughts

Dammit, I can WRITE. I am an awesome writer! You would not BELIEVE the fiction that comes from these same fingers that are currently typing this Friday Lame Post. Wait a minute, I mean you WOULD believe it, because my characters are wonderful, and the story would carry you along.

I had thought NOT to have a Friday Lame Post this week since I have been not exactly non-lame for most of the rest of the week. I guess nobody believed that was going to happen, although who knows, it may someday. To that end (as well as for my fitness and weight-loss goals), I ran this morning. I fully intended to write a Running Commentary while at work. Well, let me explain what happened, starting yesterday.

I have mentioned the problems I have been having with the novel I am writing. It’s been at kind of a standstill, progressing at irregular dribs and drabs. Well-written dribs and drabs, I hope, but still. But my determination is unwavering and I persevere. I spend a good portion of every day at least THINKING about my plot and my characters. I come to very few conclusions.

Until yesterday. There I was, at my machine, hard at work, when two lines came to me, rather dramatic lines spoken by two characters who have previously had no interaction. I pondered them and found them to be good. I surreptitiously pulled out the little notebook I carry in my BDU pants and jotted them down. I pondered them more, where they were said, who else was there, what else was happening.

Then the buzzer rang for the two o’clock break. I ran to my full-size notebook and started writing like mad! That has not happened to me in YEARS! A co-worker made a sarcastic remark about my leaving my machine turned on. I went and turned it off. He made another couple of sarcastic remarks. I ignored them.

“Kind of busy here,” I said, which was not particularly well-received, but I was buried in the fiction by now and was unaware of further sarcastic remarks. It was great.

I’ll be damned if a similar thing didn’t happen to me today, on breaks and on lunchs. Perhaps the writing was a little less intense, but I liked it. I admit it wasn’t all good. I would write a scene, then think about it later, realize there was a better thing to happen, get to the next break and write a new, better scene. Oh, it was fun. This is the way writing was meant to be!

And so I didn’t write a blog post. And I’m not apologizing about it. I’m going to go back and work on my novel some more. When I finish it and publish it, you can read it and tell me if I wasn’t right to do so.

Do Something Lame

I shall never forget the sad morning when I thought to myself, “I wish it was Thursday instead of Wednesday.” Then I thought, “You idiot, it’s Tuesday.”

Thousands of Monday through Friday wage slaves are nodding wisely in agreement (hey, I MIGHT have 1,000s of readers. It could happen!). Others are shaking their heads in disparagement. I think the ones that annoy me most are those that smugly chirp, “Do something you love. You’ll never work a day in your life.”

I have to take exception to that. I can’t believe there is any job you love SO much that there is NEVER a day that you wouldn’t rather stay in bed an extra hour, go to the beach, stay home and watch old movies, whatever. Perhaps it is a matter of proportion. These people feel that as long as MOST days they are happy to get out of bed and go to their job, they can gloss over the occasional bout of Don’t Wanna. I can only say, “That’s nice for you; the rest of us work for a living.”

Well, what’s wrong with work anyways? Work is what gets us stuff. What else but work gives one the satisfaction of a job well done? May I point out that many of us spend much money and effort WORKING OUT?

I think it is a matter of definition (and not the definition your muscles get if you work out enough; that’s different). I quote Mark Twain in Tom Sawyer. Work consists of anything a body is obliged to do. Play consists of anything a body wants to do. (OK, I’m paraphrasing. I can’t quote, because I don’t have a copy of Tom Sawyer handy).

He’s got something there. Then again, there is the school of thought that says we always do what we want to do. For example, I don’t want to go to work, but I do want to get paid.

I think both schools of thought have a point, but quite frankly, it is not the way people talk and I for one am not going to begin talking that way at my age. I will continue to WORK on my novel, and insist that I am doing something even though I DON’T WANT TO. So there.

Does anybody remember what I was talking about? I think it was Friday. Today is Lame Post Friday, my favorite day for half-baked philosophy. Getting back to the “never work a day in your life” folks, I argue thusly: That sort of job is not easy to come by. In the meantime, I attempt to get at least some enjoyment out of every day. And I can’t imagine any job where the day before my day off is not a pretty darn good day.

Happy Friday, all.

Leave Katy Perry Alone!

For today’s Friday Lame Post, I offer some half-baked philosophy about something I saw on Facebook recently. This meme (they’re called “memes,” right?) showed a quote from Katy Perry saying she was reminded about how the angels were helping her. A drawing of a superior-looking woman offered the tart comment that apparently angels were not concerned about starving children in Asia; they had their hands full helping wealthy, pampered celebrities. Oh, these narcissistic entertainers!

At first glance, one is inclined to say, “That’s right! Shame on you, Katy Perry for invoking the angels. YOU don’t need any help!” Then I thought about it and I have to ask, what is she supposed to say? If, for example, she had said, “I’m so talented and awesome, I did all this MYSELF!” no doubt some people would be saying, “Katy Perry, you egotistical slut. Admit you had help!”

Why shouldn’t angels have helped Katy Perry? May I remind you that financial backers of Broadway shows are often called angels. I understand angels come in all shapes and sizes. I really can’t say who any given angel might choose to help.

Let’s get back to the starving children in Asia. Oh, and children in this country with cancer, and homeless pets and people, and all the other truly deserving causes we could name (naming them would take a whole blog post by itself). It would be nice if some angels would help some of those, wouldn’t it?

Waaaaait a minute (in that voice I use when pointing up a plot hole in a cheesy movie)! If angels come in all shapes and sizes, could it be that WE are the angels? I’m betting that any number of my readers already are. We support causes, give to charity, and encourage others to do the same. I daresay most of us don’t do all that we COULD do. For heavens’ sake, I’m a blog-writing factory worker, not Mother Theresa.

Not to be too gooily uplifting, but writing this post has reminded me that sometimes we are the answers to each others prayers. I will continue to look for more ways in which I can help. In the meantime, let’s leave Katy Perry alone.

To Half and to Half Not

Well it’s Lame Post Friday and I’ve never felt lamer. I just said that in a reply to a comment somebody made on yesterday’s post, which was also no great shakes. I do love my Lame Post Friday, but I must confess today’s is less delightful, because it is the last day of my week off. Um, I still have the weekend, so it doesn’t totally suck. But vacation is, sadly, drawing to a close. Perhaps I could muster some half-baked philosophy to lighten my mental burden (as regular readers know, this is my traditional day for random observations and half-baked philosophy).

That was a long first paragraph. Is anybody still reading? No matter, I write for my own entertainment as well.

I have had a rather pleasant week. Last year at this time I was dealing with a flooded basement. It was good that I had the week off to deal with it; bad that I had to spend my precious week off dealing with it. So the glass was half-full and half-empty. Hmmm, lots of halves today.

Thinking of halves, when you were a little kid, did you ever divide something into three halves? Then you found out that “half” meant two parts, so you got all superior when some other little kid divided something into three halves.

And that’s over 200 words. Sufficiently lame, I trust. Happy Fourth of July, everyone.

What if None of my Guesses are Right?

It does not matter how bad I have been all week, I cannot, I simply cannot be good on Lame Post Friday.

That statement just cries out for some half-baked philosophy on what is “good” and “bad.” In this context, apparently “good” is “good writing,” a manifestly subjective term. Although, I guess by “good” I must mean a blog post about something OTHER THAN the fact that I have nothing to write a blog post about. Something I wrote earlier today and, dare I say, edited. Maybe thought about. Maybe made a little bit “better” than something I just type off the cuff at the computer.

Well, here is my problem. Every time I write something foolish (like this, I hope), I get Likes from other bloggers. Apparently my writing off the cuff is extremely entertaining to some people. On the other hand, perhaps they merely hit “Like” because I have made them feel so much better about their own blogs because mine is so bad (note the absence of quotations this time). In any case, I have been encouraged in my folly.

My other problem is, it’s kind of fun to just sit here rattling on. Editing can be hard work. For one thing, unless it is really obvious which is the better way to say something, it leads to some very uncomfortable second guessing. I hate second guessing! For one thing, it very often turns out that none of my guesses are right.

I’m hoping for some running commentary tomorrow. In the meantime, happy Friday, everyone.

I Wrote, I Typed, I Hit Publish

Do I dare have a Lame Post Friday after taking a sick day on Wednesday and writing a ridiculous post on Thursday? I actually don’t see how today’s post could be anything but lame. I am going to be very pressed for time after work today. I am attempting to write something before work (which you are currently reading) that I can type into the computer later (um, right now; so time-warpy). Possibilities swirl through my mind. Can I pick one and go with it?

Today is Friday the 13th and it is a full moon. The last time I remember that happening, I was in California in the army. I thought it was so unusual I suggested we have a bonfire on the beach and cook hot dogs. Some friends were into it, but we ended up at my house. I cooked the dogs in a frying pan on the stove. It was a fun time.

On some Friday the 13ths, you can find a television channel showing the slasher flicks of that name. There’s some cheesy fun for Mohawk Valley Girl, although I confess my taste in horror runs at least ten years previous to ’70s slasher flicks.

In any case, I have other plans for the evening. Steven and I are going to attend the theatre (pronounced thea-tah, if you like). We are going to Ilion Little Theatre’s production of Funny Money. It should be a fun time.

What often happens in these cases, meaning when I hurry home and get ready to go someplace, is that I end up posting some fast thing pretty much making fun of myself for being so unorganized. How many times can I get away with that? I was determined not to let that happen today but to write something beforehand.

How’m I doing so far?

And that was all I wrote. Now it is VERY close to the time when I must go. It’s Wrist to Forehead time! But I wrote, I’ve typed, and now I will hit “publish.” Happy Friday, everybody.

Just an Expression

For today’s Friday Lame Post, I offer another edition of Cliches Revisited.

“It’s like living in a fishbowl.”

People usually say this about places with large windows and no curtains. My first response is, you’ve probably never lived in a fishbowl, so how would you know? It seems to me that living in a fishbowl would be a whole lot more boring, even if it had one of those little castles or sunken ships. In your average living room, picture window or not, there is usually at least a television set. All a fish can do is swim around. They can’t even run out for a loaf of bread as many of us can. The fish don’t seem to mind, but then I don’t know what a fish thinks.

I know, it’s Just an Expression. I realize it means, “I feel as if everybody can watch my every move!” Oh, get over yourself. Most of us are not that interested.

Next cliche: “Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.”

I have never personally licked an ashtray, but I would think that the consistency is probably much different from the mouth of a smoker. Hello! Glass, metal or plastic covered with ashes… the mouth of somebody you presumably like well enough to kiss.

I know! Just an Expression. Look, people can feel free to kiss or not whoever they want, as far as I’m concerned (as long as the other person wants to be kissed). But just say, “I don’t want to kiss a smoker.” You do not need to engage in inaccurate hyperbole (or is hyperbole inherently inaccurate and I am guilty of redundancy?).

Oh dear, those were the only two cliches I thought about while I was running this morning. I think three would make a better post. Ooh, there’s a cliche, “Third time’s the charm.”

What is it about the number three? Three wishes. Three Little Pigs. Hobbes, Locke and Rousseau. This is not a cliche I can argue with. Three is, apparently, a very good number. The best I can do is buck the system and not deconstruct three cliches. Thank you for playing. And have a nice Friday.

Fill in the Blank

I have been suffering a lot lately from Writer’s Blank. I believe I explained some time ago that I rarely suffer from Writer’s Block, a disease which many people profess does not exist (it’s more controversial than global warming or evolution) (oh dear, should not have brought those up; stay off politics!). I more regularly suffer from Writer’s Blank.

I think Writer’s Blank is a lot more descriptive. I sit down at my notebook or computer (or in the olden days my typewriter) and NOTHING HAPPENS. My mind is blank. The page remains blank. Contrast this state of affairs with Writer’s Block. The words are there, but they can’t get out. I’ve had that, too. Sentences form themselves in my not blank mind, but there they stay. Are they truly blocked or is it more a state of paralysis? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Are you done with your discussion? Sometimes it is pretty obvious why the words can’t get out. It is because the inner critic is in my ear shouting, “You can’t put that! It’s stupid! It’s boring! Nobody wants to read that!” This malady will occasionally manifest as write-something-down-then-immediately-cross-it-out, a symptom I exhibit on a regular basis.

So, yes, I am offering Yet Another Post About Why I Can’t Write a Post. How embarrassing. Tomorrow I hope to go running first thing in the morning and come up with some Running Commentary. Then it is off in search of Mohawk Valley Adventures. My mind will not remain blank for long! As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned. Happy Friday.

The Dog Ate my Blog Post

Subtitle: Lame Excuses (which I may have used as a title previously) (too lazy to check, sorry). Did anybody seriously think I was going to forgo Lame Post Friday? Say it ain’t so!

My question of half-baked philosophy for today is: why do I get more Likes on these ridiculous posts than I do on my so-called (by me) real posts? Oh dear, have I just asked for nobody to Like this post? Oh well, I guess people will Like or not what they please. I have no control over other people.

So much for half-baked philosophy. What about random observations (on the off chance that there are readers just tuning in: Lame Post Friday is the day for random observations and half-baked philosophy). Steven and I both observed an adorably happy retriever-looking dog sticking his or her head out of a car. Steven at first was not sure if it was a dog, since it pulled its head back in for a moment (he was driving so was not observing as attentively as was I). Then he or she stuck his or her head back out again. Very cute.

Should I mention we were on our way to Happy Hour at the Belly Up Pub at the time? Or will people think I am a lush? Or judge me for drinking and typing? Well, I didn’t have that much to drink. We were only there an hour. We ate some munchies and enjoyed the mellow sounds of Phillip Arcuri. I intend to write a blog post about it.

For now, well, I’m afraid that’s it. I’m going to enjoy the rest of my Friday night. I hope you will do the same.

Crap! I Forgot to Write my Post!

It is Lame Post Friday, and I knew it would be Lame Post Friday, so I did not exercise myself too much about my blog post for today. So sorry about that.

I had some thoughts earlier today about “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” But when I mentioned them to Steven, he made an observation that told me my thoughts were not all that original. Oh dear! We can’t have that! I’ll save that subject for another Lame Post Friday.

For today, I’m afraid I have very few random observations and half-baked philosophies (the mainstays of Lame Post Friday, for those of you just tuning in). One observation: late afternoon traffic in Ilion, NY is terrible. That is scarcely original: traffic is terrible in many places at many times. That might be a starting point for some half-baked philosophy about why our society is so crowded and in such a hurry. Hmm, can’t think of much to say about that.

OK, I’m in favor of full disclosure, so here it is for today: I left work today and met my husband Steven at the laundromat. After we left there, I talked him into going to the Belly Up Pub for Happy Hour. We had a delightful time. I will no doubt write a blog post about it.

In the meantime, I got nuthin’ for today. What a surprise. All I want to do is sit and knit and watch the movie that Steven selected to continue our Friday night. I may write another post about that, but for tonight, have a good Lame Post Friday.

Let’s see what I can come up with for Saturday.