Category Archives: Monday Mental Meanderings

Monday Malaise

I’m pretty sure I’ve used this title before.  I’m going to call today a Blogger’s Sick Day.  I actually wrote parts of a blog post while at work today, but I was not having a good day.  I don’t feel like talking about why.

OK, that’s not true.  I would LOVE to talk about ALL the things that are bothering me, but there are reasons why I shall not. One reason is that it is not all my stuff.  I don’t want to look as if I’m saying, “Oh, look at me, I’m so compassionate, worried about other people’s troubles!”  Anyways, it isn’t true.  Oh, I have a normal amount of compassion, I do worry about other people’s problems. But, how do I put this?  Sometimes other people’s troubles bother me because they bother ME.

This would be a ripe topic for a Monday Middle-aged Musings, but I’m just not up to having any profound thoughts today.  Did I mention Blogger’s Sick Day?  Well, it is not merely a mental malaise.  I also feel like crap physically.

I was afraid this would happen.  I was afraid I would feel too crappy to write a post. That is why I tried so hard to write something while at work. Oh well, sometimes these things work out, sometimes they do not.  All I can do is try again tomorrow. Happy Monday ,everyone.

 

Thinking about Theatre

The answer to the question, “What was I thinking?” is pretty much always, “You weren’t thinking.  You are a huge idiot and you bring all your troubles on yourself.”  There is something vaguely liberating in the admission.  Or am I just glass-half-fulling?

No matter.  For this week’s Monday Mental Meanderings, I bring you another theatre update.  Are any of my readers tired of hearing about Ilion Little Theatre?  I cannot fathom such a thing.  In any case I am too tired to think of anything else to write about (and it’s not even Tired Tuesday yet. Yikes!).

Yesterday was closing performance of Roxy,  (I think we can say it all together now:) the play presented by Herkimer County Historical Society at Ilion Little Theatre  (ILT).  Naturally we followed up with a cast party.  Oh all right, I may have possibly had just a sip or two more wine than was strictly necessary.  I had a wonderful time with my theatre friends, but I got lousy sleep and I am feeling far from my best this morning.

Now I can hear the unkind laughter.   I assure you, I am laughing at myself at this point.  But why do I feel as if nobody is laughing with me but only at me?  Like you never did anything stupid!

Anyways, that is not what raised the question of what I was thinking, and as always I apologize for going on about my own ills.  On to the theatre update.

Tonight we begin rehearsals for the first official show of the ILT season:  Lunch Hour by Jean Kerr.  It is to be directed by Suzanne Rodio.  I am stage manager.

I realized this morning that if I had thought about it for even a short time, I would not have agreed to such a thing. I’m tired, for heavens’ sake!  I’m not a young woman and I don’t lead nearly as healthy a lifestyle as I ought to.  Suzanne has set an ambitious rehearsal schedule.  I ought to be glad about that, because she is very organized and obviously means this to be a good show that does not have to pull together at the last minute (oh how I hate opening night miracles!) (although I suppose it is even worse when you need one and it doesn’t happen).

Well, just listen to me whine.  What a big, fat baby!  I’m going into a show with a strong script and a good director.  More to the point, I LOVE theatre!  I want to work on a play!

I’m sure I’ll feel better tomorrow, as long as rehearsal doesn’t run late and I get a good night’s sleep.  Here’s to not feeling too tired on Tuesday!

 

The Only Thing To Do Is Keep Writing

I purposefully did not bring scripts or cryptogram puzzles to work, because like Return of the Modern Philosopher, on Mondays I write. At least, that is what I told myself when I packed my work bag this morning. I had a feeling even then that it would not work out as planned and, well, here we are.

It’s even worse than I thought.  As I wrote that last paragraph I felt pleased with it.  It’s getting to the point where the go-to topic for this blog is Not Writing.  SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!

I was about to say, “The only thing to do about it is …”  when I realized I have in fact a few different options. Perhaps I could write about them and make this an acceptable Monday Mental Meanderings post.

I could take a break from writing entirely.  That might re-charge my batteries.  However, past experience has shown that complete breaks tend to have the opposite effect on me.

I could force myself to try to write on other topics or projects.  While this often leads to long periods of staring at a blank page, sometimes it works.

A related approach which works even better is to give myself permission to begin a new project.  Few things are easier for me than to begin an entirely new project.  I write notes and notes as ideas seem to tumble out of my pen. It is great fun.  The problem with this approach is — you guessed it — it leads to any number of uncompleted projects as beginning them is much easier than continuing and eventually finishing them.

My original thought was the thing to do is to continue writing whatever I can write and hope to segue over into something more useful as time goes on.  This is my usual approach and hence my automatic thought of it as the only thing to do.

There are other little tricks:  Switching mediums — that is, stop writing and try typing.  Can’t do that right now;  I’m at work with my trusty spiral notebook and ballpoint pen.  Thus, related techniques such as changing locations, changing clothes, putting on music, and drinking tea are likewise ineligible.

I can’t think of any other little tricks offhand, but I see I have accumulated a few paragraphs already that might in fact make a blog post.  Cool.

I know, I will go back to my first-mentioned technique and modify it:  Instead of forcing myself to do anything, I shall gently lead myself to another project and write just a sentence or two.  No pressure, they can be lousy sentences, just see what comes out.  Astute readers (as I”m sure YOU are) will have noticed that I have also incorporated my most often used technique:  I kept writing and now hope to make the segue.  Or is it more of a leap?  No matter, whatever it is, I am going to turn the page and see what happens.

Update:  After I wrote the above I turned the page and wrote a new scene on my novel.  I believe it moved the plot along, incorporating an element which I had introduced earlier but neglected.  Full disclosure:  it may have been a lousy scene.  The important thing is I wrote it. Now to write something else…

 

Midsummer Monday

I began the week determined to write my blog posts in advance.  I would not spend the week composing nonsense at the keyboard, mostly about how I just can’t write a real blog post.  I was going to Write Real Blog Posts.

So far, not so good.

In my defense, quite a full weekend, ten hour day today, rehearsal tonight (you know, for the play I’m in?).  Oh, and temperatures in the 80s (92 in Little Falls, which is not that far away).  I do not work in an air conditioned building.  When I did work in an air conditioned building, I wore  sandals skirts with no pantyhose.  Now I wear steel-toed work shoes and BDU pants.  I say this with pride, not complaint.  I am bad ass.

Unfortunately, “bad ass” does not necessarily translate into “able to write awesome blog posts.”

I tried, I really did.  Actually, what I first tried to write was an article for Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  I thought perhaps I could publish a shortened version for the blog.  It did not go well.  I tried to work on my novel.  I wrote one sentence on a scene I had previously written.  That effectively brought the scene to an end.  I started another scene.  Then I couldn’t remember if one character did or did not believe in ghosts.

How could I forget such a thing?  How long have I been living with these characters?  What kind of a writer am I?  I was too traumatized to write anything else.  I looked over my lines for the play then helped a co-worker with a crossword puzzle.

Now I must finish getting ready for rehearsal.  For anyone just tuning in, it is for Roxy, at Ilion Little Theatre.  I play Roxy.  And I just realized something:  yesterday was Severed Head Sunday.  Today I am going to rehearsal for a play in which I CHOP MY HUSBAND’S HEAD OFF!  Oh how delightful to have something in common with Joan Crawford!

So what if I can’t always write an awesome blog post?  I’m still bad ass.

 

Murder on Monday

I see that last Monday was “World’s Dumbest Monday”, which makes me a little embarrassed to feel as dumb as I do today.  No matter, dumb or not, I must make my blog post.

I don’t feel like watching World’s Dumbest today anyways.  I feel like watching my other favorite guilty pleasure show, SnappedSnapped is a documentary show about women who kill.  I think I wrote a blog post about it some time ago (too lazy to go back and check), but I have another reason to watch it and write about it today.  I feel it will inform my character of Roxalana Druse.

As regular readers may recall, I have the title role in Roxy, a play being presented by Herkimer County Historical Society and Ilion Little Theatre.  It is a new play written by a local author about Roxalana Druse, the last woman hanged in Herkimer County.  She killed her husband by shooting him then chopping his head off with an axe. I think he was asking for it, but perhaps that’s just me being in character.

That last sentence was just me being silly.  It is actually a serious play, probably the most serious I’ve ever been in.  Therefore, one might wonder if watching one of my guilty pleasure television shows is really the best way to prepare.  Listen, don’t try to second guess the processes of the creative mind.

More to the point, it’s Monday and I’m tired. It was a rough weekend and I’m not a young woman.  I studied my lines while on breaks at work and if I want to sit and watch a murder show on cable television, I will.  And I’ll write more about Roxy soon.

 

World’s Dumbest Monday

Note to self: If you foolishly decide to run the Boilermaker 15K again, be smart enough to take the NEXT DAY OFF.  It was not such a bad day, but oh, it was long, oh, I was tired, and, oh, I do not feel like writing a blog post right now.  I know, what a kvetch. I should get over myself.

In fact, I did write something while at work.  I don’t feel like typing it in (too long, needs editing).   I got two paragraphs typed in before I petered out.  I’ll finish it tomorrow or Wednesday.  Unless I go running on those days and write running commentaries.   After all, a good run might help my aching legs, then I wouldn’t complain so much.

In the meantime, I would like to post something so I can go back to watchingWorld’s Dumbest on TruTV and enjoying the evening with my husband  (you see what I did with that headline:  I’m watching World’s Dumbest and I’m apologizing because today’s post is kind of dumb).  What to write?  What to write?  What to write?

It was my first day back at work after two weeks off.  I’m going to just go ahead and confess, I did not get much writing done during my time off.  How embarrassing is that?  I have to wonder, is this one reason I’m having such trouble today?  I often observe, writing begets writing.  Maybe I just have not been writing enough.

Ah, but the thought brings me a frisson of hope. Perhaps by writing this blog post, dumb as it may be, I will gain some momentum and write something else.   Maybe after a good night’s sleep and something for my aching middle-aged muscles.

 

 

On Your Mark, Get Set, Get Nervous

It’s a Mental Meanderings Monday and let me tell you, today I am all over the map.  Not literally.  I did take a long walk that covered a bit of the map of Herkimer, but that’s neither here nor there. Or rather, that was here and there.  Oh dear, I am not making much sense today.

The fact is, the Boilermaker is a mere five days away and I am NERVOUS.  Here’s now nervous I am:  I just hit something and erased what I had just typed in.   As I tried to get it back, I thought, really, no big whoop, it was a dumb paragraph. I can write something better.  Then I got it back and thought, waste not, want not (a favorite saying of mine).

It’s just pre-race jitters, a perfectly normal phenomenon.  All I have to do is get to the race and start running and I’ll be fine.  Well, there’s one problem right there: I have to get to the race.   I keep telling myself:  it’s not a problem:  Steven will drop me off.   So why do I still feel nervous?  OK, try not to dwell on it.  Drink some water.

There’s another problem:  am I hydrated enough?  I keep drinking water, with an occasional break of Gator Ade or seltzer with lemon.   OK, I drank coffee this morning.  Two and a half cups.  I’m sure that’s too much.  And I probably should not have had that wine yesterday.  It is kind of a thing with me to enjoy a glass or two of white wine on a Sunday, but I suppose one ought to forgo these things a week before the Boilermaker.

Well, I can’t help the coffee and wine I already drank, can I?  I can’t help the sprints I didn’t run; it’s too late now.  As a matter of fact, I think I did train enough to run 15 Ks. My last few runs have felt really good.  Maybe not for the whole run, but for a good part of it.  Perhaps I could have run more and would feel even better now, but all things considered (you know, like being  middle-aged and having a life plus the changeable Mohawk Valley weather), I think I did OK.

So I guess this is my post for the day.  I’ve blathered on for almost 400 words about my foolish nerves.  I’d like to feel I’ve gotten it out of my system.  I have rehearsal tonight for Roxy, the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre.  Perhaps tomorrow I could take a day off from All Boilermaker All The Time and write about that.

 

Maybe a Thunderstorm Would Have Helped

Today is Mental Meanderings Monday.  Last Monday I said I could not make up my mind between Mental Meanderings and Monday-Middle-aged Musings, but today I feel pretty meandery.  My mind wanders.  If my feet didn’t hurt so much my body might wander, but let’s not worry about that right now.

 

This happens sometimes, as long time readers may have noticed.  I’ll go days and weeks of dumb post after dumb post.  The sad thing is, many of these days I am so writing something during the day.  Then I kind of peter out before I get to the blog post.  I know, I should write the blog post first.  I’ll try that tomorrow.

 

Today was a sticky, muggy day.   I do not feel as if my brain is fried, but perhaps it may have been steamed.  And not crisp-tender, like my vegetables when they turn out right.   Limp, discolored, useless.

 

We were promised thunder storms.  Many of my co-workers spend half the day on their smart phones, looking at the internet or getting texts from their loved ones.  In the latter case, the loved ones have often been on some device to get the weather and share what they have learned.  So I heard severe thunderstorms were headed our way.  Then I heard there was a tornado watch.

 

“If there is a tornado, I’m not going to watch,” I said.  “I’ll go into my skanky basement and hide.”  My basement is pretty skanky.  It wasn’t that great to start with and it has never recovered from the flood of 2013.  I am not motivated to do much about it, although I suppose it would behoove me to do so.

 

Local readers know there were no thunder storms, much less any tornadoes.  We had rain.  Which means I do not have to water my plants again today.  Score!  I’m going to hit Publish on this piece of nonsense and pick up a notebook (do I need to specify I mean the spiral-bound paper kind?) and get a start on tomorrow’s post.

 

As If I Had Actually Written Something

Oh, just type anything.

 

That is what I finally said to myself after staring at the blank space under “Add New Post” on the wordpress page.   It is Monday, so I know I can do a Middle-age Musing Monday or a Monday Mental Meanderings (still can’t decide between those two).  However, whatever I do, I must actually type words into the computer.

 

It’s a funny thing about words and me.  Sometimes they just fall out of my fingers, via pen or keyboard.  Today at work (BEFORE work and while ON BREAK, in case you were concerned), I wrote almost two pages on my novel (YES, the novel I was supposed to finish in May, don’t judge).  Got to the end of the scene, yes!

 

Couldn’t start another scene.  I was just blank.  And the blankness continues.  All I can write about, and I realize this seems to happen to me frequently, is the fact that I can’t write.   AAAUUUGH!!!

 

I could blame the weather:  it became cold and rainy today.  It brought on flashbacks to 2013.  In 2013, I had signed up for a St. Baldrick’s Day fundraiser.  I asked for donations to help cure children’s cancer, then I got my head shaved.  That happened June 2.  It was swelteringly hot all May.  I cursed my hair, which I had not cut for almost two years.  I got it shaved.   Then the weather turned cold.  It was a rainy, miserable June.  Then Herkimer flooded on June 30.

 

You know, I could have expanded that last paragraph into a full blog post, and it would have looked as if I had actually written something.  Silly me.

 

Curse You, Noah Webster!

Whether I call it Monday Middle-aged Musings or Monday Mental Meanderings, today’s is going to be a foolish post.  I don’t know what it is with Mondays, but I am always so tired at the end of the day.  Perhaps it is the onset of middle age, which makes the former title more appropriate.  No matter.  My plan right now is to type in a few paragraphs then attempt to do at least one more useful thing before retiring to bed in self-pitying tears.

 

Just kidding.  I won’t cry and I am not feeling sorry for myself.  If anything, I feel bad for my blog readers, who may be looking for something a little more… shall we say, coherent.  However, if that is the case, the blogosphere is wide and varied.  Surely a blog reader can find something to please.

 

Here’s something interesting:  my computer seems to think blogosphere is not a word.  Perhaps I have it misspelled.  My Random House Webster’s College Dictionary is within reach, but I fear it was published before “blog” was a word, let along “blogosphere.”  I used to have a friend who enjoyed looking in older dictionaries and laughing about words that were missing.  “Computer” is the only example I can think of, unfortunately.

 

I just checked; “blog” is not in my dictionary.  “Computer” is, of course.  Now that I think of it, I don’t see why “computer” would not be in any dictionary.  According to this one, the word “compute” dates from 1630 to 1640, as does “computer,” which means “one that computes.”  Perhaps my memory is at fault and my friend was laughing at the outdated definitions.

 

And that brings up one thing that really annoys me.  Remember in school, when you had to write definitions of words and  you could NOT use a form of that word in your definition?  For example, if the word was “computer” and you put “one that computes,” you would get marked wrong and the teacher would probably say something rude and belittling (my teachers were not big on building self-esteem).  AND WHAT DID THE DICTIONARY JUST DO???  Curse you, Noah Webster!

 

I believe I have now been sufficiently foolish, and I am over 350 words.  I call that a respectable blog post.  I hope to see you lovely people again on Tuesday.