Category Archives: humor

I Could Go for a Bloody Mary

Posted on June 17, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Once again, I spent time before work and on breaks working on what should have been a perfectly acceptable blog post. And it’s just not there yet. Luckily, it is Monday. Having skirted Wrist to Forehead Sunday with another Running Commentary, I feel free to have a Middle-aged Musings Monday.

What I was musing about today veers a little into half-baked philosophy. And into religion, which Mohawk Valley Girl usually stays out of (likewise politics). In fact, I was about to stay out of it today, but I don’t have a whole lot else and, really, one must not shy away from controversy. I’m not sure how controversial I’ll be, half-baked as I usually am. But here goes.

When people think God is punishing them, how do they know? I mean, it seems easy enough: I do something wrong. Something bad happens to me. God must be punishing me (or Karma or the Universe; I’m non-denominational).

Boy, wouldn’t that be nice, if I thought I only did one damn thing wrong!

Anyways, we’re not talking about me. Let’s try an historical example. When Mary Tudor, also known as Bloody Mary, ruled England, a lot of stuff went wrong with the country. She thought for sure God was punishing her for not bringing everybody back into the fold of her religion. So she kept burning those she considered heretics. Bad things continued to happen. She thought she probably had not burned enough people so redoubled her efforts.

Do you suppose it occurred to anybody at the time that perhaps she was being punished FOR burning people and not for NOT burning ENOUGH people? I’m not saying that’s what I think God had in mind (I do NOT pretend to know what God thinks), I’m saying, HOW COULD SHE KNOW?

This whole topic is a lot more complex than I am making it right now. However, this is what I pondered at work today, when I wasn’t working on the blog topic that didn’t work out. And this is what I’ll post. We’ll try for a Mohawk Valley adventure tomorrow.

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Junk Run

Posted on June 16, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Once again I ran after almost talking myself out of it. I thought I would go for that awesome feeling during the cool-down walk again. Today I would run the hill near Valley Health. I want to build up to the hill up to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC).

So off I went, and it didn’t feel too terrific right away. It wasn’t too bad though, so I kept going. I saw a pair of plastic sunglasses in the road, near the curb. I picked them up, thinking to place them somewhere prominent, where they were in less danger of getting run over and where somebody looking for them might see them. Then I realized there was not such a place handy and I had to keep running. I kept the glasses in my hand. After all, no point in letting them get wrecked now that I’d rescued them.

They appeared to be cheap but nice sunglasses with not a scratch on them, child size. Well, I could always give them to somebody who can use them. Really, they just would have gotten run over or kicked if I had left them lay there.

Then I saw a piece of a silver poinsettia plant, that had perhaps come off a Christmas decoration. It, too, was in pristine condition, other than apparently being broken off from whatever decoration it had graced. Having set a precedent, I picked that up, too. I could use it as a decoration on my container garden. I felt a little silly, running along with a pair of red sunglasses and a silver poinsettia, but then again, I am a bit silly. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I was so busy thinking of my newly acquired junk that I made it up the hill by Valley Health without even noticing I was doing it. Score! Well, maybe the last few steps were a kind of an effort, but it’s a good thing to make an effort when you are running.

Sunday is usually my day when I up my run time by 10 percent. That meant I should run 29 minutes instead of 26. You see, I round up. Then I thought maybe I should not round this time and run 28 minutes and some seconds. I would have to do some math for that. It seemed like a lot of trouble.

My legs were certainly getting tired. I started asking myself, what’s wrong with plateaus anyways? You can enjoy the view from a plateau. There’s always the future to improve. I pictured a plateau but could not see where the mountain went up from there. Then I thought, “I’m not so much on a plateau as pausing for breath on an outcropping.” I pictured myself precariously balanced, then decided to drop the mountain metaphor and just run however long I ended up running.

Up a street, over a block, down another street. Admiring a garden or a window box. Trying to peek into a back yard to envy the screened in porch. I was startled by a bright, almost iridescent magenta sports car. What a beautiful color. And wouldn’t it be nicer to drive somewhere instead of running there? No, no, running is fun. Then again, so is sitting on a porch like that one over there with the padded wicker chairs.

It looked as if I was going to make my time or close to it. I ran by Meyers Park but not through it. I saw a white peony somebody had picked and dropped. That wasn’t junk, that was a poor innocent flower that was going to dry up and do nobody any good. I picked it up. Now I had sunglasses and a poinsettia in one hand, a peony in the other, but I was almost home.

That wonderful feeling I get during my cool-down was within sight. And it was at least going to be 26 minutes. Let’s make it 27! Go past the house, I urged myself.

I ended up running my 29 minutes, by virtue of two laps around my driveway before I stopped. Steven put the peony in some water while Tabby and I walked my cool-down. I put the poinsettia in with one of the plants in my container garden. I felt pretty pleased with myself.

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The Mud Didn’t Stop Me

Posted on June 15, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Oh, that feeling, that wonderful feeling, when you ran anyways after almost talking yourself out of it, and you are walking your cooldown with your sweet little schnoodle. The frisson of virtue, the warm looseness of your leg muscles, the relief of deep breaths and cool water, AND the knowledge that you have SOMETHING to write a blog post about.

And then the feeling hours later, when you realize you did not write your blog post yet and you had better get on with it. It feels a little panicky, till you put your fingers on the keyboard and start typing. That is when you realize, like on the run, I can rock this.

So it seems Saturday Running Commentary is back. I was late to bed last night, because we went to the play, so I was disinclined for major effort. Still, it wasn’t raining, the temperature was a run-friendly 50some degrees. I put on running clothes and set out.

I decided to turn right down German Street. I would run up Main to Weber and go down the path over the hydraulic canal. This had been my plan during a run earlier in the week, but traffic was too intense for me to want to cross German. It looked better prior to seven in the morning. I thought I would even cross German right at the end of my street and not wait for the four-way stop at Main.

Then I saw what looked like a guy digging a ditch. Better stay on my side of German. Then I saw he was not digging a ditch but trying to clean out mud. We had torrential rain last night and some streets I guess got a little flooded. There was mud all over the sidewalk as well. Yikes. I did NOT want to fall on my ass in the nasty flood mud. I ran on the grass where I could and did a slow, shuffly step where I had to go in the mud. Rats! My best sneakers were becoming a mess! I need new running shoes anyways, but was hoping to put it off for a week or two anyways.

I soon ran into my friend Nicky, a shaggy little white dog, and his person. I stopped to pet Nicky and said, “I guess German got a little flooded last night.”

“Yes, every time it rains, it comes down Renwick,” she said. We told each other to be careful of the mud, and I ran on.

It was no problem crossing German at Main. I negotiated the mud and made it to the path. It is a lovely path. The only problem is that to continue following it, you must cross German again and there is no crosswalk just there. Still, that is no problem in the early morning hours. I encountered another dog to pet on the path, a lovely golden retriever (at least, that was what it looked like; I’m no expert).

“Can I pet your dog?” I always ask first, unless it is a dog I’ve petted before, like Nicky.

The run was not at all bad. I don’t remember consciously thinking, “I can rock this,” but I believe I was, in fact, rocking it. It was no problem to keep going. Shortly before I stopped, I flashed ahead, to when I really get my run time built back up. I thought of when 20some minutes in will be halfway or less, and I will think, “Oh, yeah, this is just what I needed. This is awesome.”

I sure didn’t feel this good about my runs earlier in the week. However, without those runs I’m sure I would not have felt so good today. Rock on, everyone!

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I Wrote, I Typed, I Hit Publish

Posted on June 14, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Do I dare have a Lame Post Friday after taking a sick day on Wednesday and writing a ridiculous post on Thursday? I actually don’t see how today’s post could be anything but lame. I am going to be very pressed for time after work today. I am attempting to write something before work (which you are currently reading) that I can type into the computer later (um, right now; so time-warpy). Possibilities swirl through my mind. Can I pick one and go with it?

Today is Friday the 13th and it is a full moon. The last time I remember that happening, I was in California in the army. I thought it was so unusual I suggested we have a bonfire on the beach and cook hot dogs. Some friends were into it, but we ended up at my house. I cooked the dogs in a frying pan on the stove. It was a fun time.

On some Friday the 13ths, you can find a television channel showing the slasher flicks of that name. There’s some cheesy fun for Mohawk Valley Girl, although I confess my taste in horror runs at least ten years previous to ’70s slasher flicks.

In any case, I have other plans for the evening. Steven and I are going to attend the theatre (pronounced thea-tah, if you like). We are going to Ilion Little Theatre’s production of Funny Money. It should be a fun time.

What often happens in these cases, meaning when I hurry home and get ready to go someplace, is that I end up posting some fast thing pretty much making fun of myself for being so unorganized. How many times can I get away with that? I was determined not to let that happen today but to write something beforehand.

How’m I doing so far?

And that was all I wrote. Now it is VERY close to the time when I must go. It’s Wrist to Forehead time! But I wrote, I’ve typed, and now I will hit “publish.” Happy Friday, everybody.

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Well I WAS Writing

Posted on June 13, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is embarrassing. Remember yesterday, I took a sick day because it was just too much trouble to type in all I had written for a post. Today I am feeling much better, thank you, and I sat down to type.

And type and type and type.

What a long-winded yahoo I can be! Digression after digression! I found some of them fairly amusing, but perhaps I flatter myself. Doggedly, I kept typing, thinking I could edit. Ooh, but I’ll just leave that one in. Oh, and that’s a good one. Hmm, that could be a whole other blog post.

I was almost up to 1,000 words and I wasn’t done typing. I’ll be honest: it was too much me even for me.

On the one hand, I feel strangely vindicated. After all, yesterday I had to think it was a little wimpy of me. I only had to type the thing in, didn’t I? Yet I took a sick day. Now I see if I would have tried to type it in, I would have been in tears. As it is, I’m getting a little wrist-to-foreheady.

I think it is shaping up to be a pretty good essay, all about the problem of setting vis a vis the novel I am currently writing (I determinedly refuse to say “attempting to write”). Sometimes writing about writing is a good way to ease back into writing. And sometimes the only blog post I can manage is writing about not writing.

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200 or Bust

Posted on June 12, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is not so much a Wuss-out Wednesday as a Bloggers’ Sick Day. And now that I think about it, I’m not so sure I can legitimately call it a sick day. I mean, if it was a real sick day, couldn’t I just type in one sentence and done? Sick day. Means I don’t have to do it.

But I won’t feel happy until I write at least 200 words. Can I manage 200 words? Maybe 150 would be OK. I feel obligated to say at this point that I DID have something written for today. Only it was long. I can’t type in that many words. I’ll save it for Non-Sequitur Thursday.

I did not feel this awful all day. I had rather an OK day at work. But my sinuses were bothering me to the point where I took a decongestant. Now I am so lightheaded I question if I have any brain left. I know, I KNOW many of you were questioning if I had any brain to begin with. What a dull, obvious joke. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Now my word count tells me I am over 180 words. I question how accurate that is, since it is taking me two sentences and more to get to 190. I guess it doesn’t add each word as I type it. Ooh, ooh, I looked away and now it says 226. Score! I’m going to lay back down and continue to watch the room spin.

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12 Hours Make a Difference

Posted on June 11, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I ran Friday morning (another prior to 4 a.m. start) then gave blood Friday afternoon so gave myself Saturday off. I took Sunday and Monday off for no good reason, although I did take nice walks with my poocher all three of those days. Still, I thought, three days off isn’t so bad. It’s not like, for example, two weeks off (don’t judge). Still, I was determined to run today (Tuesday).

When I remembered to during the day, I reminded myself that I would run after work. My plan was to run on the mini-tramp if it was raining, which I kind of sort of expected to happen. That wouldn’t be so bad, I thought. I could watch a silent movie while I ran. Or maybe Judge Mathis. I could rock the mini-tramp.

As the afternoon progressed, I watched the sun continue to shine. I know it can cloud up in an instant in the Mohawk Valley (“If you don’t like the weather here, wait five minutes”), but it showed no disposition to do so. So I would run outside. That was OK, too. I wanted to run out Main Street and check the name of the street you take to the path over what used to be the hydraulic canal. I haven’t run that path in a while. I could rock that.

I’m sure some readers have guessed, I didn’t rock much of anything when it came right down to it. Oh, I got myself out the door and moving. But it wasn’t very fast. It was warm and humid. The air was heavy and I felt heavier. Get used to it, I told myself. It’s only June. I reflected that this was the difference between jumping out of bed to run and working all day before running. At least I was hydrated, because I keep a bottle of water handy at all times while at work. I tried to feel the benefits of hydration. All I could do was marvel at how dreadful I must feel if I were not hydrated.

I turned down German Street towards Main Street. There is quite a lot of traffic in Herkimer around 4 p.m. There is a 4-way stop at Main Street, but did I trust it? I could see from two blocks away the line of cars going in each direction on German. I could make eye contact with the near driver, he could wave me on, I could start going and the guy going in the opposite direction could nail me. Well, he probably wouldn’t nail me, starting from a dead stop as he would be. But still. Perhaps I would continue down German Street.

But first I would have to cross Prospect, and there were two cars waiting at that stop sign (it is a T, not a 4-way). They would probably let me go, but would I be robbing them of their chance to get onto German? I couldn’t take that responsibility. I turned down Prospect. This wasn’t so bad. I could run down to Meyers Park.

Couldn’t I?

My legs felt worse and worse. They begged me to stop. They pointed out soft patches of grass where a middle-aged lady could probably take a very comfortable nap. I knew I couldn’t really, but the argument was persuasive. I reminded myself that I knew how to persevere. I questioned whether that was really true.

Then I began to wonder why I had not stayed sensibly in my house on the mini-tramp. After all, where is it written that one may only run on a mini-tramp if it is raining? Why couldn’t I run on the mini-tramp any time I wanted to? It’s not that my house is so much cooler than outdoors, but the humidity has not penetrated in yet, as it undoubtedly will soon start to do. Moreover, I have a ceiling fan in my living room. That would have to help. Then the great outdoors provided me with some breezes, and I felt better about everything.

For a little while.

I did manage to persevere, for at least a short run. I was up to 26 minutes at the last increase, but I thought a 20 minute run would be acceptable for today. I will persist in calling it a run. Maybe it looked more like a shuffle or a plod or worse, but at least I did it. And wrote a blog post. That is not bad for a Tired Tuesday.

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I Liked Philo’s Dog

Posted on June 10, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

This week I offer Mystery Movie Monday. I would prefer Monster Movie Monday, but I didn’t have a monster movie to hand. Instead, I asked Steven to make a selection from his DVD set of 50 Mystery Classics. He chose The Kennel Murders (1933), a Philo Vance mystery.

Spoiler Alert! I probably won’t give away the solution, because I didn’t properly understand it, but I will certainly give away some major plot points.

I was a little concerned to see the word “kennel” in the title, knowing Hollywood’s history of NOT being kind to animals (perhaps you read my blog post about it). I did not want to watch a movie where dogs die.

Sure enough, a dog gets murdered. Philo does not seem too exercised about that murder, although the dog’s owner threatens to kill whoever did it. I was not clear on who did do it, and I couldn’t figure out how it fit in with the rest of the plot. Then again, as regular readers know, I don’t always pay a whole lot of attention to these things. Another dog gets hit on the head with a poker, which does figure in, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The movie opens on a dog show. There is Philo Vance with an extremely cute Scotty dog. His dog does not win, but Philo loves him. So there’s one reason to like Philo Vance, at any rate.

Next we meet a beautiful heiress (is there another kind?) who can’t seem to get any of her own money from her unpleasant trustee or guardian or whatever he is to her besides unpleasant. It’s pretty clear who the victim is going to be and there will be no shortage of suspects.

It is a bit of a surprise later on when one of the suspects who was starting to look really good (as a suspect, I mean) ends up dead. I guess I should have seen that coming. After all, it’s “murders” plural in the tile, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t count the dog.

The dog that gets hit on the head seems to make a full recovery and I guess helps solve the mystery. Or helps Philo prove he has correctly solved the mystery. Like I said, the solution kind of mystified me. As is often the case, the “proof” would never hold up in a court of law. For that matter, the medical evidence was pretty spurious, too. But these are mere quibbles. One must take movie mysteries at their own estimation or not at all.

Philo’s dog has a pretty good scene where he shows Philo something important. I just love a cute little dog.

In retrospect, I’m thinking it might have been a good idea if I had paid more attention to the movie, maybe made a few notes, before I tried to write about it. Then again, it’s Monday.

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Historic Fun

Posted on June 9, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I heard the Herkimer County Historical Society was holding an open house on Saturday (yesterday), I was delighted. They are usually open from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday, when I happen to be at work. They open on Saturdays during July and August as well as between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but in the meantime, I have to grab my local history fix when I can.

I love, love, love local museums. Wherever I live, going to the local museum is one of my favorite things to do. I’ve been through Herkimer’s several times and I see something new each time. Saturday’s open house ran from 10 a.m to 2 p.m. I got there shortly after ten. I had beaten the crowds and walked around with a volunteer in kind of a personal informal tour. We chatted about lots of things. It was great fun.

I also checked out their archaeological dig, right on the museum grounds. How cool is that? The dig was excavated once before, but they have been able to open it again this summer. Many people have volunteered. Their big discovery this time is a well, but they have also uncovered many fragments of items such as bottles, pipes and pottery.

Two volunteers were on the porch between the museum’s two buildings, carefully cleaning and sorting the fragments. One lady showed me two bottle fragments of colored glass.

“Now I want you to find all the pieces of that bottle and put it back together,” I told her. She said she would get right on it. Then I praised them for using their own toothbrushes for the task and we all laughed. You know me; I have to be silly.

I really enjoyed my visit. I intend to write more about the historical society and their exhibits. However, for today I thought I would just give a brief shout out. Now I must get back to my usual Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

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Sorry, Folks

Posted on June 8, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Sorry, no Saturday Running Commentary this week. I gave blood at work yesterday and felt like taking it easy for one more day. I did a few blogworthy things this morning, but I feel that whatever I write about now I will not do justice to. That is a rather dreadful feeling for a writer. You would think we would get used to these crises of confidence, but I never have. I suppose there are writers who never have such crises, or never admit to them. Well they aren’t me, that’s all I can say.

So how about a Preview of Coming Attractions. That sounds better than I Could Write About This But I Won’t.

I walked with Tabby to the post office this morning, to mail a few post cards. I know, I can usually manage a pedestrian post and I probably will in the near future. After we got back from our walk, I set out on some real Mohawk Valley adventures.

These involved the Herkimer County Historical Society and the 1834 Jail. These comprise two of Herkimer’s Historic Four Corners, which Tabby and I walk quite often. I really want to think more and write something worthy of these places.

Both stops involved some time standing out in the direct sunlight. I have a problem with the sun. I could be part vampire or part Addams, I suppose. In any case, when I returned home I did not feel well, so I took a nap. After some coffee I’m feeling a bit better, but still not up to par.

So I guess this is Wuss-out Saturday. Not very alliterative, I’m afraid, but there it is. I’ll try writing shortly after coffee tomorrow and so avoid Wrist to Forehead Sunday. I do hope you’ll stay tuned.

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