Category Archives: Non Sequitur Thursday

My Computer Thinks “Profferer” Is Not a Word

Posted on February 19, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

There are a few things in life you can pretty much count on.  Not invariably, of course, but most of the time.  If you open and close scissors near a person’s hair, they will probably get nervous.  If you say, “Sometimes you feel like a nut,” the other person will probably say, “Sometimes you don’t.”  If I have to be somewhere in the evening and want to get my blog post done first, I will probably not write anything ahead of time while on break at work.

Welcome to Non-Sequitur Thursday.

So yesterday I wrote a post about writing and today I write a post about not writing.  Is that so bad?  I suppose some people will think it is while others cut me a break.  File that under another one of those things in life you can count on.

I must soon head out to pick up my husband Steven (I specify the relationship for the benefit of new readers, if any) and head to the monthly dinner meeting of Ilion Little Theatre.  Of course I’m hungry NOW, so I just ate a few pretzels and drank a glass of milk.  I find it difficult to write on an empty stomach.  I know, I know, I’m not doing so hot after the snack either.

When I got home from work about an hour and a half ago, I walked down to Steven’s place of employment and got his vehicle, which I then drove home.  It was not too cold until a bitter wind began to blow.  Also, the sidewalks were rather treacherous with uneven ice,  some of it deceptively covered with snow.  Some profferers of advice to writers insist that adverbs are horrid words and must be avoided assiduously (see what I did there?).  I disagree.

As I approach 300 words, I think it is clear that I am not going to come up with anything particularly noteworthy to say.  However, I just thought of a headline.  Tune in tomorrow, when Mohawk Valley Girl will once again explain that she did not write anything while on break at work.

 

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I Don’t Feel Particularly Up and Coming

Posted on February 12, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

For this week’s Non-Sequitur Thursday, I shall take a break from last Saturday’s adventures and look ahead to a future adventure for me:  I am slated to direct a play for Ilion Little Theatre.  The only writing I did while at work today (sue me) was a press release on the upcoming auditions.  I make bold to include it here:

“Ilion Little Theatre will hold auditions for Ken Ludwig’s Leading Ladies on Monday and Tuesday, Feb. 29 and March 1 at 6:30 p.m. at the theatre in The Stables on Remington Avenue in Ilion.  Five men and three women ranging in age from 20s to 70s are needed.  Actors do not need to prepare anything.  ILT member Cynthia Quackenbush will direct.

“The hilarious comedy concerns two down on their luck Shakespearean actors who come up with a scheme to impersonate a rich old lady’s nephews to gain an inheritance. When they find out that nieces not nephews are required, they make a slight adjustment in plans.  After all, in early Shakespearean companies, weren’t the women’s roles played by men?

“Performance dates are Friday and Saturday April 29 and 30, May 6 and 7 at 8 p.m. with matinees on Sunday May 1 and 8 at 2 p.m.  For more information contact Cynthia Quackenbush at ***-***-****.”

I confess to feeling a little overblown, calling it a hilarious comedy.  It is pretty hilarious, though.  I laughed out loud when I was reading the script.  I confess further that it seems to me to be a pretty boring blog post.  Sorry, kids, Aunt Cindy is having a bad day (I like to call myself “Aunt Cindy” when I am having a bad day).  But I am trying to keep a cheerful heart.  After all, tomorrow is Lame Post Friday.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

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And the Killer Is…

Posted on January 29, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Just kidding.  This is a Pedestrian Post masquerading as a Non-Sequitur Thursday.

I have been having trouble re-starting my run regimen (I use a most generous definition of “regimen”).  My knees have been bothering me.  Not horribly, but they do ache.  It is sometimes less than pleasant to go up or down stairs.  I have a dreadful suspicion that it is age-related.  I feel sure that if I lost more weight, that would help. Running may bother my knees,but it will help me lose weight, which will  be good for my knees. It’s kind of circular.

Monday I went for a nice walk with my husband.  Tuesday I ran.  Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I woke up with my left knee THROBBING!!!  I couldn’t go back to sleep at first because it hurt so bad.  Oh, crap!  I limped through work on Wednesday and neither ran nor walked afterwards (as you may remember, it was Wuss-out Wednesday).  However, if I don’t use my legs, they start to feel really crappy.

My knee felt better today, but I was not sure running was the best idea.   Additionally, it was Steven’s day off and you know how I love to maximize my husband time.  I made up my mind I would either run in place on the mini-tramp, while chatting with Steve, or go for a walk with Steve. Obviously, a walk was the more attractive option.

It was warmer earlier in the week, but it was not at all bad today.  We had to walk around some puddles, but surrounding grass was not too muddy.   There were a few patches of ice, which Steven boldly walked over.  I mostly skirted them.   We noted a few houses that still had their Christmas decorations up.  We like Christmas.

It was a very pleasant walk, and my legs felt wonderful with the exercise.  I will attempt another walk tomorrow or Saturday, I hope.  I’ll probably write a blog post about it.

 

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76% Remaining

Posted on January 15, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

The computer woes continue, and I sit here trying to think rapidly and type even faster to get this blog post done while the battery lasts.  It’s a race against time!  Actually, it’s a race against battery.  What does that even mean, anyways, “race against time.”  Isn’t any race where you’re being timed a race against time?  And does time ever go any faster? Now, let’s not get all philosophical about that!  Oh well, I guess you can if you want to.

Where was I?  Ah yes, Non-Sequitur Thursday.  I’m thinking this has been a rather lame week, and I’m pretty damn happy that tomorrow is Lame Post Friday.  I tried to write a real post while on breaks at work today.  I got over a page written about an old movie I watched last weekend.  I don’t know that I would call it a cheesy movie exactly, but I thought I was saying some pretty good stuff (or do I flatter myself?  Always a possibility).  However, it is not finished yet and I do not have the mental wherewithal to finish it now.  Sorry about that.

I have a couple of emails I have to send regarding theatre business.  I tried writing them earlier too, in hopes of saving time later.  Naturally I am second guessing what I wrote, wondering if I ought to edit further, and obsessing over who I ought to courtesy copy.  There’s a social land mine, if you like.  What if I cc the wrong people and they send me a nasty reply?  What if I don’t cc somebody who thinks they ought to have been cc’d and they yell at me?  I hate to be yelled at.  What if I cc somebody who doesn’t give a rat’s ass and they roll their eyes at me?  In the scheme of things, I suppose having eyes rolled at one is not the worst thing that could happen.  Still, I find it unpleasant.

Now I see I am over 300 words of this nonsense.  I hope I have at least been amusing.  I’ll try to finish that movie write-up so I can post it in lieu of Lame Post Friday (I really like that expression “in lieu of”).  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

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Turns Out Polonius Was Right

Posted on January 1, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is New Year’s Eve, although as the previous two posts may have pointed out, it will probably be dated January 1, 2016.  I can’t worry about that now.  I must make my post!  (Said with a dramatic gesture.)

It is not Lame Post Friday, my usual place for half-baked philosophy, yet what better time can there be to wax philosophical than the threshold of another year?  Oh, you can probably think of lots of times (you know who you are). Why do I even bother with these rhetorical questions? HELLO!  THAT ONE WAS RHETORICAL TOO!!!

There is some controversy about the efficacy of New Year’s Resolutions.  Many people firmly eschew them. Others embrace them with fervor.  (Look at me articulating with the E words: “efficacy,” “eschew,” “embrace!”)  I personally am of two minds here.

Part of me says, “Take any opportunity to improve yourself, you need it” (yes, I often talk to myself in the second person).  And for another reason, how can you worry about self-improvement during the holidays?  Start a diet with all those Christmas cookies and candy around?  Clean the house amidst all those decorations?  Work on that novel when you have shopping, wrapping and partying to do?  It’s madness, I tell you! (Again, with dramatic gesture.)

The other part of me says, “You’re setting yourself up for failure!  You’ll never stick to it, and then you’ll feel bad about yourself!”  Quite frankly, I think this is a spurious argument.  Say I start a diet in January then eat a pan of fudge brownies in February.  Does this mean I have to wait until next January to start another diet, thus wallowing in self-loathing for 10 months?  Well, I guess that would give me a chance to eat a lot more brownies…

My real problem is that I feel all self-conscious, like I’m doing the cliche, obvious thing, having a New Year’s Resolution. None of the cool kids are doing it.  And by “cool kids,” of course I mean the unusual, alternative, unexpected kids.

And then I come to the stunning realization:  EITHER WAY, I’M FOLLOWING A CROWD!  Some people make New Year’s Resolutions, some do not.  Whatever I do I’m wrong.

Or, whatever I do, I’m right.

Happy New Year, everybody.

 

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In Fact, Almost 300 Words

Posted on December 11, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, this isn’t too bad after all.  I had a silly post on Monday, a Running Commentary on Tuesday, and a shout-out to a local business on Wednesday.  I can get away with a Non-Sequitur Thursday post today.  Oh who am I kidding?  I post as much foolishness as I write and rarely worry about getting away with anything.  I type, people read.  It is most convenient.  At least, I hope people read.

I went running again today but for once did not narrate in my head as I ran.  I had a headache all day with nausea in the afternoon and almost talked myself out of running.  The nausea had passed by the end of the day, and I can usually run with a headache.  I whined to a couple of co-workers that I didn’t want to go running.  Then one fellow expressed great admiration for my running.

“I don’t know how you run,” he said.

“Slowly and not very often,” I confessed.

“I wish I could run.”  Asthma prevents him.  After that it felt churlish not to run.  Additionally, the weather was unseasonably warm.  I could wear shorts and short sleeves.  Score!

But I didn’t mean to write a running commentary.  I see that in a previous paragraph I also complained about my aches and pains.  I did not mean to do that either.  Oh, I know, that is why they make the backspace and delete buttons.   But then  it would be a much shorter blog post.

Would that be such a bad thing, you may ask.  Possibly not.  My inner critic would agree, but I try not to listen to that bitch.  No matter.  I am well over 200 words, so I’m going to slap on a snappy title and call it a day.  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

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Is That an Excuse, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Posted on November 20, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I wrote one paragraph of a blog post while at work today, and it wasn’t very good.  I had a title I thought was pretty good, but I don’t want to use it till I have a half-way decent blog post to go with it.  What I’m saying is, welcome to Non-Sequitur Thursday.

One can’t really take a nap at 5:55 p.m., unless one is planning on staying up quite late, which I am not.  I personally don’t care to take naps after 3 p.m., although I love them at almost any time prior to that.  Sleep, ah, wonderful sleep.  According to Shakespeare it knits something or other (I probably could think of the actual expression if I tried, but I thought it would be funnier if I did not).

Am I babbling?  Ooh, that might make a good headline. Or not.

I am waiting for Steven to come home and we are supposed to head to the monthly dinner meeting of Ilion Little Theatre.  I made guacamole and hummus to bring.  I had planned to make the guacamole, without benefit of recipe.  I told a work friend about it as we were walking out.

“I’ll put some stuff in, then mush it, taste it, mush it, taste it,” I said.  “Then I’ll write a blog post about it.”

Of course it did not go as planned, although the adventure did include mushing and tasting.  I thought it would, in fact, make a pretty good blog post.  Only I am too tired to write it.  How embarrassing.

On the other hand, I am now over 250 words, and I call that respectable.  Now I just need a good, non-sequitury title, and I’m in business.   Tune in tomorrow for Lame Post Friday, when Mohawk Valley Girl says, “And the reason I did not write a blog post today is that…”

 

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Webster Is Not Much Help

Posted on November 13, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Do you suppose that MRI sucked out my brains and that’s why I’ve been so stupid all week?  Yes, yes, I know you’re asking what my excuse was before the MRI.  Must you make such obvious jokes?

Welcome to Non-Sequitur Thursday.

It really is a brain dead feeling.  It doesn’t seem like Writer’s Block, because that implies that there is something behind the block struggling to get out.  It isn’t exactly Writer’s Blank, either, because my brain does have a kind of, well, cluttered feeling to it.  But I can’t think, I can’t write, and it is very distressing.

Having said that, I remind myself that I just now wrote two paragraphs and one sentence worth of words and am embarking on another paragraph.  That does make me feel marginally less distressed.

The sentence that has been sticking in my head this morning is, “One must have a topic.”  It seems that sentence should include the phrase “in order to write,” but I’m not sure whether to put it at the beginning or the end of the sentence.  Any thoughts?

I realize that at times this blog seems dedicated to disproving that sentence.  How many posts about nothing at all have I written?  Anybody opening his mouth to say, “All of them,” can just close it (you know who you are).

This brings us, actually in a kind of a sequential fashion, to my philosophical question for the day.  Then again, half-baked philosophy is the purview of Lame Post Friday, so that makes it a kind of a non-sequitur once again.  Be that as it may, the question is:  Is it inherently better, worse or the same if I compose a post about nothing at the keyboard or if I write it in my notebook while at work (on a break OF COURSE)?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

Bonus question:  When was the last time you saw the word “purview” used correctly in a sentence?

Note to self:  Look up “purview” and see if I used it properly.

 

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Me and the Purple Potatoes

Posted on November 6, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

That should be more alliterative, like Patty and the Purple Potatoes.  That sounds like it would make a good children’s book.  I’m also thinking that Purple Potatoes (I like to capitalize it) doesn’t even sound like a real thing, but it is.  I just ate some.

Since today is Non-Sequitur Thursday, I will just interject that the poor dog across the street is barking mournfully.  I don’t think he likes to be left outside by himself.  If I still had a dog, I would have her here in the living room with me, even if she did keep bothering me for a treat or to pet her or take her for a walk.  Sorry, just a little pang of sadness, because Tabby used to eventually lie down on the floor or love seat and patiently wait till I was ready to pay attention to her.  I’m sure other dog owners understand.

Where was I? Ah yes, purple potatoes.  I purchased them at T & J’s Fruits and Vegetables in Herkimer, NY.  I had gone in primarily for some celery for my lunch.  While there I realized I also needed some tossed salad fixings, cheddar cheese, red bell peppers, and oh yeah, some potatoes.  We don’t buy potatoes all the time these days and lately I’ve been craving some.

Potatoes sometimes get a bad nutritional rap, but that’s only because carbohydrates has become such a dirty word that nobody can even say all the syllables any more (and don’t get me started on that!).  Well, really, you don’t have to deep fry them or eat them by the heaping mound.  I’m sure they are perfectly good for you in moderation.  So I started to grab some salt potatoes (oh, just be quiet, whichever of you was going to get onto me about salt; I don’t use the whole packet!).

“We have purple potatoes now,” a lady said.  I think she was one of the owners, but I foolishly did not ask.

She explained that purple potatoes are better for you than the regular kind.  They don’t raise your cholesterol.  That shows how much I pay attention.  I didn’t know potatoes were bad for cholesterol.  I thought that was bacon.

“You cook them the same as the regular kind?” I asked.   Yes, I was told.  They are just like the regular kind only purple all the way through.  So I bought them.  I baked them in a kind of a casserole with the red pepper, some onion, cheese, sour cream… oh a bunch of stuff.  It was YUMMY!

I ate some of the leftovers before making this post.  As you can see, it gave me enough energy to make a post that is NOT me whining about how I’m too tired and busy to write a blog post.  Tune in again on Lame Post Friday when Mohawk Valley Girl says,  “EEEE!  It’s Opening Night for Lunch Hour at Ilion Little Theatre!!!”

PS.  The dog stopped barking.  Maybe his people let him in the house.

 

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Vampire? What Vampire?

Posted on October 30, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was not sure if I could write effectively about Atomic Age Vampire (1961),but when I realized the title made it a perfect candidate for Non-Sequitur Thursday, I thought I would give it a try.

Spoiler Alert!  I’ve probably already spoiled it for some people by giving away the lack of truth in advertising.  Then again, you might like to be forewarned about that.  At least I’m not going to give away the ending, because I don’t exactly remember it.

The movie is one of our “50 Horror Classics,” the DVD set I purchased for a very moderate amount, considering how much entertainment we’ve derived from it.  I had a craving for some Halloween cheese, and this movie fit the bill nicely.

The movie opens cheesily enough in a strip club.  To add to the ambiance, it is rather obviously dubbed.  A sailor (I think) is about to go on deployment (I guess) and is breaking up with his beautiful blond girlfriend because she would not quit her sleazy job.  I must confess to some feminist indignation on Blondie’s behalf.  Sailor Boy must have know she had a career when he started dating her.

And isn’t that typical of either gender?  They fall in love with somebody and the first thing they want to do is change them. It gives me that little frisson on virtue, because I love my husband just the way he is.  But I digress.

I may digress further in a bit, because this is also another one of those movies that centers around a mad scientist using nefarious means to restore and maintain a woman’s beauty.  What does this say about our superficial society?  In mad scientist’s defense, other than restoring her beauty (which, to be fair, she wants too), he does not desire to change Blondie but loves her (albeit in an obsessive, mad scientist kind of way) just the way she is.

Ah, I see I’ve left out the part where she loses her beauty.  In her grief over Sailor Boy’s defection, Blondie crashes her car.  That she survives at all is quite the miracle, but the only thing to sustain much damage seems to be her face.  Really, shouldn’t she at least have been in a wheelchair?  Maybe one arm in a sling?  But no, just her face all bandaged up like the Invisible Man.  Go figure.

Mad Scientist naturally has a female assistant who is in love with him and will do his bidding.  And, just as naturally, he is just not that into her (I love that expression).  Personally, I thought she was pretty good-looking, but I suppose she lacked Blondie’s glamorous appeal.  I mean, once Blondie gets her face back.  Maybe it was all about the bodies, which, I confess, I did not particularly notice.

Anyways, Lovelorn Assistant convinces Blondie that Mad Scientist can help her.  Do I need to tell you that restoring Blondie’s beauty requires the murders of numerous other young, nubile females?  Lovelorn Assistant does most of the killing.  Oh, these people who will do anything for love!

Now that I think about it, they could have done a lot more with the two adjoining love triangles:  Mad Scientist/Assistant/Blondie and Blondie/Sailor Boy/Scientist.  But then I suppose that would have left less time for nefarious scientific doings.

I bet some of you have noticed that I have not yet mentioned any vampire, let alone an atomic age one.  That’s because I didn’t see any.  I suppose one could make the argument that the killing of young ladies to feed Blondie’s beauty is vampiric activity.  And there may have been some atomic stuff in the laboratory that I failed to notice.  The killing of young ladies is, of course, a time-honored mad scientist technique, not an atomic age innovation.  I am inclined to believe that they just slapped on a title that they thought would get people to watch the damned movie.  After all, it worked on me.

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