Tag Archives: life as a widow

Missing Steve, Missing Posts

Posted on August 15, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Grief is not linear. You do not go through the steps in an orderly fashion, magically feeling a little bit better each day until one day you realize you have finally found you could live with it.

I just imagine this is not a startlingly original insight. I feel sure every grief stricken person has found it to be true, and a number of people who have yet to be bereaved have suspected such a thing. I suppose I suspected it myself. Now I know it to be true.

All this by way of apologizing for missing both my Saturday and Sunday posts. I was just too sad.

I share one of my favorite pictures of Steve. For anybody just tuning in, Steven is my much loved husband, who passed away Feb. 3 of this year. So I recently passed the six month mark. I am trying to concentrate on remembering the good times, being thankful that I had my husband for as long as I did, and learning how to live alone. Some days it works better than others.

Here is a picture of me and Steve together. I will just interject at this point that my Tablet and/or WordPress is really screwing with me today. It only shows a bunch of letters and symbols for the pictures I share, it won’t let me edit said pictures to add a caption, and my predictive text thingy (sometimes annoying but sometimes helpful) is gone. And the letters on my screen are way smaller than usual. What the hell? (Ooh, at least it is not autocorrecting “hell” into “he’ll”!)

So this my Monday post. An apology for no Saturday or Sunday post, and a grief update. Thank you for tuning in.

6 Comments

Posted in humor, personal and tagged blog post, blogger's sad day, blogging, grief, grief update, husband Steven, life as a widow, Missed posts. Bookmark the permalink.

Early Tired Tuesday or Late Monstrous Monday?

Posted on August 1, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Is this going to be an entire week of late blog posts? It is too early to tell, but I do not like the way it is trending. Of course it is within my power to change the trend, but last night it did not feel that way. So I started my Tired Tuesday early. Sue me.

Isn’t he nice?

I put in a monster to cheer things up. This pleasant fellow is from The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, one of my favorite cheesy horror movies.

Getting back to me (it is all about me, isn’t it?), I have been wanting to tell somebody a kind of a weird thing I have noticed about myself lately. Everything I do, I keep saying out loud I have done it, so I don’t forget.

It started out innocently enough: when I would cook myself breakfast in the morning, I would say, “Turning off the stove on Monday” (it was especially helpful to say the day, as I have breakfast every morning) (it is the most important meal of the day, so I have heard). This saved me calling my husband Steve from work and asking if I did, which was good when I went in at five and he went back to bed.

The habit is also helpful with things like car keys or my purse, which I tend to set down in handy places while getting ready to go out the door. Yes, yes, I know: leave them in the same place all the time. I’m talking about when you pick up your keys and say, “Oh yeah, I need a blahblah” and have to set your keys down to fetch it.

“I don’t know why she wanted me in this blog post.”

Another monster to interrupt what I fear are too many words. I’m sure regular readers recognize Nosferatu.

Anyways, I find myself narrating a lot of my actions these days, “Putting on deodorant on Tuesday” (which I am sure my co-workers appreciate), “Putting my socks on the coffee table,” “My keys are on the floor next to my water bottle,” and of course, the very important, “Turning the coffee maker off, the stove was never on, the toaster oven has cooled off.” Because I can no longer call Steven to make sure I do not burn down the house.

And I guess that last sentence says it all. Widow brain. It’s a thing.

Are Wednesdays a Thing Again?

Posted on May 4, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

After deciding last week that I was going to stay home every night this week, I decided to go to Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort, NY for food and music, as I used to do almost every Wednesday. A quick check of their Facebook page told me Justin Smithson was playing acoustic guitar.

He is an excellent musician.

As I walked in, I was greeted by Geno the bartender and Justin Smithson himself. I ordered a garlic pizza with sausage and mushrooms. It was one of Steven’s favorite things to order. I was sipping some Chardonnay, also a favorite of his. The music started shortly.

I was loving it right away. Justin started with a beautiful James Taylor song. Then I dissolved into embarrassing tears as he got to the chorus: “But I always thought that I’d see you again.” This is what happens. Every day I realize I will never see my husband Steve again. However, I must try not to make a spectacle of myself.

This one turned out a little dark.

Justin moved on to play a variety of tunes. At one point he asked for requests, and a man said, “Cat Stevens!” Justin played “Wild World,” which is a song that plays in my head when I am running and go by a WildWood camper.

“Made my night!” said the requestor when the song was done.

I greatly enjoyed hearing the music. I will be back at Fratello’s again soon!

4 Comments

Posted in humor, local business, local music, personal and tagged acoustic guitar, acoustic guitar music, blog post, blogging, Cat Stevens, dining out, food, Frankfort NY, Fratello's Pizzeria, garlic pizza, husband Steven, James Taylor, Justin Smithson, life as a widow, local dining, local musician, music, widow. Bookmark the permalink.

Vermont Memories

Posted on April 21, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I attempt a Throwback Thursday Post, because I do not wish to be making my Thursday blog post on Friday morning. I thought that sentence might give me a little spurt of happiness by reminding me that tomorrow is Friday, but alas, not so much. No matter. On with the blog post.

Wrong season, so sue me.

This is a picture of the area of Vermont where some of my late husband Steve’s family lives. I love the covered bridge. Anyways, this was in my Media Library in April 2017, so I say it is a Throwback photo.

Nice doggies!

This is a really old snapshot, taken at Steve’s sister Ruby’s house, with one of those disposable cameras we used to use all the time. It is Ruby’s dog Sapphire and our own Tabby. I put it on a napkin and took a picture of it with the Tablet so Steven could share it on Facebook. That may have been back in 2011, but I am not at all sure. We never did learn how to use a scanner, although I think we have one my sister Diane gave us.

Gobble, gobble!

And here are some wild turkeys in Ruby’s backyard. We had some wonderful afternoons and evenings sitting on Ruby’s deck, enjoying nature. She had many small animal visitors. She also had the occasional bear, but not when we were there.

Oh dear, I just remembered, I think there was once when we saw a bear although did not get a picture. It was dark and we were looking out the kitchen window, as I recall. If I recall correctly. This is where it would be so nice to be able to turn to Steve and say, “We saw a bear at Ruby’s, didn’t we?” I am still getting used to widowhood.

There he is, with a friend.

On that note, I end with a picture of Steve. He is at the So Sweet Candy Shoppe in Utica, NY, with our friend Margaret, the proprietress. I guess that doesn’t really fit with my headline. Does that mean I can also bill this as a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post?

We Like Wednesday

Posted on April 12, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to call this Also Not A Post, but I thought of the other just now when I turned off the burner on the stove and liked the alliteration.

The reason I thought of it just then was that I have formed the habit when turning off the stove of saying out loud, “Turning off the burner on Wednesday.” Or whatever day it is, of course. This is because I tend to forget those things I do automatically. I kept calling my husband, Steve from work to ask him to check for me. This could be a problem if I went in early for overtime and he went back to bed. Thus, the habit of reminding myself.

Now, sadly, there is nobody to check for me if I do forget, so it is good I maintain the habit. Anyways, today I said my phrase and felt that usual spurt of relief that it is Wednesday and not Tuesday. Um, I will admit that Tuesday is when I should have been making this post (according to my rules for me), but let us not worry about that now.

So, I guess Not Really A Post describes this post better than the title I chose. Oh well, 200 words including a little tidbit about one of my weird things. I’ll bill it as a Tired Tuesday Post and drive on. Once again, thank you for tuning in.

It Is Monday. I Muse.

Posted on February 21, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Monday has traditionally been a day I let myself off the hook. Oh, who am I kidding? I let myself off the hook all the time! There’s Tired Tuesday, Wuss-out Wednesday, and who could forget Lame Post Friday? That said, I let myself off the hook today.

For one reason, I returned to work, at a previous place of employment. This is not a work blog, so I will not elaborate except to say that it was not a bad day at all. My former co-workers welcomed me back, which felt very nice indeed. Still, work is work, and I am not a young woman. I returned home tired and mentally revising the to-do list I had compiled this morning.

See, this is how hard I worked today.

I was afraid the post was a bit dull, so I threw in a picture. Joan Crawford with an ax, there could be no possible objection.

Four things I felt must be done on my list: take out trash and recyclables, fix tomorrow’s lunch, put on coffee, and make my blog post. I have done (am doing) them in that order.

It was not on my list, but I did watch Dateline.

I am navigating my life as a widow with varying degrees of success. I believe that is to be expected. I look at other people who have greater tragedies to deal with and fewer supports to help them, and I count my blessings. This does not necessarily alleviate my feelings, but I try to let it inform my behavior. I don’t know if that makes any sense. Do you suppose sense is overrated?

I see I am over 250 words. Score! I am going to bill this as a Middle-aged Musings Monday, although a friend recently pointed out that if I am middle-aged now, I must live to be well over 100. Don’t you just hate those didactic types?

2 Comments

Posted in humor, Middle-aged Musings Monday, personal and tagged blog post, blogging, half-baked philosophy, life as a widow, tired, to do list, widow, work. Bookmark the permalink.

Mohawk Valley Girl