Category Archives: humor

I Didn’t Miss the Bus!

I had an adventure-filled day, but instead of my usual Scattered Saturday, I am going to tell you of one small thing we did.  It was a charitable endeavor, so that may seem like I’m being all, “Look how great I am!”  but I hope you all know that is not the case.  And if you think it is, oh well, that says more about you than about me (what it says I shall save for the half-baked philosophy portion of some future Lame Post Friday).

Where was I?

A year or two ago I won some Matchbox cars at a Chinese auction to benefit something or other (it may have been 4 Pets Sake, because I think it was at Mohawk Antiques Mall). It was a nice stocking full of little cars.  I used the stocking for somebody else’s Christmas present and pondered what to do with the cars.  Both Steven and I thought it would be a good idea to donate them to one of the groups gathering toys for needy children.

Do you suppose we could find a collection box that was still there when we remembered to bring the cars?  Of course not!  We would notice in the paper where they were doing Stuff the Bus in some parking lot or other, make ourselves a note, then either completely forget about it or have something else come up.

Today when we set out for our various destinations, Steven mentioned that Stuff the Bus was supposed to be at K-Mart.  Since we were headed toward Little Falls, we went that way out of town so as to go right by it.  We remembered to put the cars in our vehicle.   First there was a little discussion as to whether we should leave them in the Halloween bag we had put them in when we took them out of the stocking we won them in.   I wanted to keep the Halloween bag (it was the cloth re-usable kind), so Steven found a nice thick Stewart’s bag (is that uninteresting detail or the sort of minutia that adds color to the story?  No matter, I’m leaving it in).

We slowed down as we approached K-Mart.  No bus was present.  I saw a white panel van (the kind they tell you to avoid in parking lots on a dark night).  I felt sure the stuffable bus would have a big sign or something.  We drove on.

As we left Little Falls, going down 5S this time, Steven suggested we take the South Washington Bridge and look at K-Mart again.  I pulled right into the parking lot, because somebody was right behind us.  There was a school bus, all decorated and Christmasy!  Yay!

The parking lot was crowded, as parking lots are apt to be this time of year, but we did not mind taking a short walk.  A nice lady in a Santa hat took our Stewart’s bag.

“We’ve been holding these cars for two years,” I told her.  “And I keep missing the bus!”

“No, don’t miss the bus!” another lady said.  We all laughed, just like on a TV show.

As we walked away Steven said it did his heart good.  I have some other things around my house I need to give away, most notably some scarves I’ve knitted that are piling up. I must become more proactive in seeking out opportunities to do so.

Merry Christmas and Happy Saturday,  everybody!

 

Is Lame Post Friday Really a Thing?

Points to ponder:

Why is it a “spork” and not a “foon”?

Why is it “workaholic” and not “workic”?  After all, an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol.  Nobody is addicted to workahol. Workahol is not even a thing and if it is a thing, it is only because some smart ass made it up to prove didactic types like me wrong.

Hmmm…. the only other points I have are serious ones and I am just not up to making any serious points today.  Still,when one does a post like this, one likes to give three examples (one being me).

Oh, here’s one:  Why do people say, “It goes without saying” and then go right ahead and say it?  Sometimes when there is a lull in the conversation I say, “It goes without saying” and let it hang.

I wonder if this is 200 words.  I’m writing it in a spiral notebook while on break at work and I am disinclined to count the words myself.  Hmm… not up to making serious points, disinclined to count words, hoping I’m done with the post already… It must be Lame Post Friday!

But you already knew that.

Anyways, I am now sitting at my acer typing, and it is not quite 200 words.  Additionally, I am a little afraid I have made some of these ponderable points before.  And apparently “ponderable” is not even a word.  Let us ponder that linguistic tidbit for a while.

Happy Friday, everyone.

 

In Fact, Almost 300 Words

Well, this isn’t too bad after all.  I had a silly post on Monday, a Running Commentary on Tuesday, and a shout-out to a local business on Wednesday.  I can get away with a Non-Sequitur Thursday post today.  Oh who am I kidding?  I post as much foolishness as I write and rarely worry about getting away with anything.  I type, people read.  It is most convenient.  At least, I hope people read.

I went running again today but for once did not narrate in my head as I ran.  I had a headache all day with nausea in the afternoon and almost talked myself out of running.  The nausea had passed by the end of the day, and I can usually run with a headache.  I whined to a couple of co-workers that I didn’t want to go running.  Then one fellow expressed great admiration for my running.

“I don’t know how you run,” he said.

“Slowly and not very often,” I confessed.

“I wish I could run.”  Asthma prevents him.  After that it felt churlish not to run.  Additionally, the weather was unseasonably warm.  I could wear shorts and short sleeves.  Score!

But I didn’t mean to write a running commentary.  I see that in a previous paragraph I also complained about my aches and pains.  I did not mean to do that either.  Oh, I know, that is why they make the backspace and delete buttons.   But then  it would be a much shorter blog post.

Would that be such a bad thing, you may ask.  Possibly not.  My inner critic would agree, but I try not to listen to that bitch.  No matter.  I am well over 200 words, so I’m going to slap on a snappy title and call it a day.  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

Another Cool Place to Shop

One of Steven’s and my stops on Shop Small Saturday (oh dear, was that almost two weeks ago?  How the time flies!) was Fall Hill Bead and Gems.  What a fun place to look around!

Jewelry is one of my magnets, as a friend once observed. I especially like unusual pieces.  At Fall Hill you can not only find unusual pieces: they sell all the materials needed for you to make your own.  I have personally never made my own jewelry but looking at all the different beads available I’m wondering if I ought to give it a try.

As Steven and I walked around admiring, I started thinking about all my family and friends who would love this store:  this one loves jewelry, that one is interested in the healing properties of gemstones, another one makes jewelry.  I mentioned a few of them to Kim Hergert, the proprietor.  She asked which category I was in.

“I like unusual stores,” I said.

“I just like cool stuff,”  Kim said.  I asked if I could quote her, and she graciously gave permission.

We purchased a small gift bag made out of some unusual material and a rough Little Falls diamond.  Kim told us the bag was half silk half paper.

“I don’t know if they feed the silk worms paper pulp and they poop it out or what,” she said.  It was a fun stop.  I intend to return soon, possibly with family or friends to introduce to a really cool place.

Fall Bead and Gems is located at 32 W. Main St., Little Falls, NY, phone number 315-823-0454. You can Like them on Facebook.

 

Now I’m Tired

I know you’re all waiting for a Tired Tuesday post in which I once again lament my inability to compose a real post.  However, I’m going to switch things up and offer a Running Commentary.  Did I mention that I went running on Wrist to Forehead Sunday?  Well I went running today (Tuesday) as well, and I’m feeling just a little pleased with myself over it.

The lying sacks — uh, I mean the forecasters who are only human and not omniscient after all —  that predict the weather told us last week that it was going to be warmer this week.  Each day the warm temperatures seem to move a day further away, reminding me of the signs you sometimes see in bars that say, “Free beer tomorrow.”   Of course tomorrow never comes.  Well, yesterday I said I would run tomorrow and that’s today and I did, so there.

It was a little colder than I like for running but I didn’t think it would be too bad.  I found leggings and a long-sleeved t-shirt.  I already knew where my toque was, because I had worn it to work.  I felt a little bad-ass going to work this morning in a short-sleeved t-shirt, regular sweatshirt and my toque.  I figure I’ll add the insulated sweatshirt when the temperature drops below 20.

I didn’t even try to talk myself out of running, and I did not employ any delaying tactics either.  It was shortly after four when I set out.  I foresightedly put a bottle of water and a sweatshirt on my back deck for use during my cool-down walk (my computer seems to think that foresightedly is not a word, but I thought it was).  I ran up to German Street and turned right, because I had turned left on Sunday.

Sunday when I ran it was still dark out, with the sun about to come up.  That is one of my favorite times to run.. You start in the dark and finish in the light.  Today the sun had not exactly set but had gone behind the mountains.  It was still light but grey.  Sometime after eight this morning when I left work to drive to an appointment in New Hartford it was almost dark.  I don’t mind a gloomy day.

Running did not seem too difficult at first, even after working a ten hour day (minus the time I was at my appointment, of course) (oh, maybe that was why running wasn’t too difficult, you think?).  I had thought earlier about running up a hill somewhere (there aren’t that many possibilities near where I live), but decided to take it easy.  I further decided that I would not to run too far.  This was strictly a mind-week maintenance run.  Anything over 20 minutes would be OK.  Even exactly 20 minutes would be acceptable.

I turned down Main Street, which I had not meant to do, but cars were turning and it was easier if I turned too.  Main Street is always interesting.  The new place that sells Greek gyros is open.  I’ll have to check that out.  I love gyros, although I believe I pronounce the word incorrectly.  They also offer souvlaki.  That I know how to say.

All the way down Main I went then took a right onto Albany Street.  Was I getting tired?  A little, but not too bad.  I didn’t think would go a lot over 20 but maybe some.  A few minutes.  There was no point in killing myself.  For one thing, I still had to write a blog post about it.

I admired plenty of Christmas decorations as I ran.  Not many lights were on yet, but I saw a lot of greenery and garland.  One window box sported a banner that read, “It’s Time for Christmas.”   And so it is.  I must get cards sent out and start working on presents.   Well, yes, I believe I did say that most of my friends and family are on the naughty list, as of course am I.  That has not kept any of us from receiving presents in previous years.

I ended up running 25 minutes by virtue of going by the house to the corner and back.  I was quite tired of running by then but decided to push myself just a little.  It didn’t kill me.  Apparently it has not even kept me from composing a fairly lengthy post about it, although I know I’m missing a few bon mots I thought of while I was running.  No matter.  If they were any good, they’ll come back to me for use another time.

 

More Nonsense on a Monday

So there I was, without a blog post.  This is not an unusual situation for me, as regular readers know (if I still have any after all these lame posts).  Earlier today I thought I remembered something I had written for Mohawk Valley Living magazine which they had not used.  I could post that!

First I thought I had better check if I had posted about that subject before.  Sometimes for Mohawk Valley Living I combine or modify blog posts.  Um, yes, that is what I did this time.  That idea down the drain.

Well, Steven and I had dinner at Sorrento’s in Ilion last night.  Surely another shout-out to a local eatery would be acceptable.  I searched my posts to see how many times I had written about Sorrento’s.  Turns out to be a lot.  That really shouldn’t matter.  I give multiple shout-outs to lots of businesses.

Unfortunately my Writer’s Block or Blank for what have you continues.  Could I overcome my resistance and write it anyways?  Or should I give it up and write about not being able to write?  I searched my posts for ones about not writing.  Holy crap, what a lot of posts!  How embarrassing!  What kind of a writer am I, anyways?  I clicked on one and read it.

You know, it really wasn’t too bad.  And it got a few comments from other bloggers who liked it.  I started thinking about how some bloggers re-post old posts when they don’t have a post for the day.  Why couldn’t I do that?

I don’t know why, but the fact is I can’t.  I can, however, type in almost 300 words of this nonsense, remarkably similar to other nonsensical posts I have published.  I wonder if months from now I will look back at this post and think, “Why, that’s not too bad.”  I have this sinking suspicion I will not.

 

Wrist to Christmas?

As I sit here in my living room, Acer on my lap, Angela Lansbury is singing that she Needs a Little Christmas NOW!

Don’t we all?

Oh, I know, not everybody celebrates Christmas and not everybody loves it blah, blah, blah.  I’m just going to be perfectly up front about it: I LOVE Christmas (the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason)  (How many of you can quote large passages of How the Grinch Stole Christmas if not the whole thing?  Oh, I know some of you can and do; it’s not just me).

Where was I?  Ah yes, Wrist to Forehead Sunday.  After my Santa breakfasting, slow driving and furniture moving adventures yesterday, I had a little too much white wine and stayed up a little too late watching television.  In my defense… why am I defending myself to you?  Are you judging me? Well, I would never judge someone for judging me, BUT…

I started my entertainment oriented evening with a movie I had DVR’d from TCM on Boris Karloff day. I adore Boris Karloff.  This movie also had Edmund Gwenn, who of course played Santa Clause on Miracle on 34th Street.  I saw the name in the opening credits but it did not register till I heard the actor talk and said, “Hey, that’s Santa Claus!”  So with Santa and the Grinch in the cast, it was almost like watching a Christmas movie.

Later on, Steven and I watched our DVD of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, so I could really bask in Karloff’s mellifluous tones.    We followed it up with Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol and Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  These Christmas specials bring back so many memories.  Of course we also discuss the song lyrics (after singing along), the dated gender-based messages, and other sorts of observations that theatre-oriented persons such as Steven and I are bound to make.

Right now we are listening to Christmas CDs, of which we have an extensive collection, and debating out moves for the rest of the day.  I personally could get into watching a couple of Christmas movies and going for a walk once the sun sets to enjoy our neighbors’ Christmas lights.  As always, I’ll try to work on a better blog post for tomorrow.  Happy Sunday, everyone.

 

Ah Yes, the Blog Post

I spent the day knowing that sooner or later I would have to come up with a blog post.  Of course my Writer’s Blank continues.  Did I mention I was suffering from Writer’s Blank?  I guess it’s not exactly blank, since I am, in fact, able to put words on paper (or on screen, as the case may be).   But they aren’t good words (not that I’m the best judge of that) and I don’t like them (of course I am the only judge of that).

Where was I?  Ah yes, trying for a Scattered Saturday post.

I got up early and left my house bound for Marcy then Liverpool.  I picked up my sister Cheryl and we headed to Breakfast with Santa, which was organized by my sister Diane, at Christ the King Church.  She has been in charge of the event for some years now, but this is the first time I have ever been able to attend.

That would make a good blog post, wouldn’t it?  Not exactly in the Mohawk Valley, but a nice community event.  Or the adventure of me driving my sister into Syracuse.  That was pretty brave of her, wasn’t it?  We had an even more adventurous ride home, with part of a couch sticking out of the back of my SUV.

And, yes, the couch is its own adventure, nicely given to me and Steven by my cousin Mary Beth.  Mary Beth, Cheryl and I got it out of Mary’s house and into my vehicle.  Steve and my nephew Dan helped us get it into my house.  Fun times!

Now I am cooking one of what Steven calls my conglomerations (how DO you spell that word?) (got it).  I don’t know how it will turn out as I am not sure what all I will put in it.

You see where I’m going with this, right?

That’s right! Scattered Saturday!  A brief overview of my activities, any one of which I may write about at greater length at some future date and time.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

Lame Laugh on December 4

It is the bra off, sweats on, wine drinking,  blog post writing portion of the evening.

And it is Lame Post Friday.

As regular readers may have noticed, I do not always write my blog posts in sweats and no bra (ooh, I just flashed on that Most Interesting Man in the World,  “I don’t always drink beer…”).  Many times I write my posts while on a break at work.  Many times I do not specify how I am dressed when I post.  However, today I do not have a whole lot to post about, so I led with the setting.

Earlier tonight, Steven and I were at a notorious big box store which needs no plug from Mohawk Valley Girl.  I only mention it because it took MUCH longer than reasonably expected.  And I did not expect it to be short and sweet.  However, it was not too heinous, for which I have my Christmas Spirit and sense of humor to thank.  Or perhaps it was the tiny glass of wine I had before shopping (say it ain’t so!).

I am getting a little bit of Christmas Spirit. I have been listening to Christmas music on CD as I drive to and from work (I know, how 20th century of me).  I have been noticing and appreciating Christmas lights on people’s houses.  I have been planning Christmas presents (Naughty status of friends and family notwithstanding).

My sense of humor really kicked in, however, as the check-out line took longer than walking over the whole store for the stuff on our list.  Every cash register was frozen and the lines stretched further than the eye could see.  At long last we were leaving.

“And it’s only December 4th!”  I said.  I laughed all the way to the car.

 

Good Run, Dull Post

One week ago today I made myself a mental note to not take three days off from running again.  And you know damn well that is what I just did.  However, I ran today and it wasn’t too bad, so rather than dwell on my shortcomings, I offer a Running Commentary.

I felt pretty cool in today’s running outfit.  I found my leopard spotted long johns which I had worn to an evening appointment Tuesday.  This is how I get two wears out of my long johns and leggings.  The teal winter running shirt my sister gave me for my birthday was clean.  I discovered that one of the colors on my best running shoes exactly matches the shirt.  I put on a red headband for a little more color, and to cover my ears.

It was not too cold out.  Cold enough on my hands, but I could handle that.  It had rained earlier, so there were still a few puddles to run around or jump over.  Mostly I ran around them.  I don’t like to bounce too much when I run.

Some people had their Christmas lights on already.  I appreciated that.  I had neglected to turn on ours. I made a mental note to do that before Steven got home.  It is so nice to return home to a Christmas-lit house.

I did not feel too awful as I ran.  My feet hurt, because I had been on them all day for the past few days at work.  My legs felt tired for the same reason. However, one deals with these things.  I kept going.   I did not run very fast, and I did not go up any hills.  However, I kept going for 25 minutes, which was one minute less than I had run on Sunday.  I call that respectable for a mid-week run.

My only regret was that I had not put a sweatshirt out to wear on my cool-down walk.  The wind had picked up by that time and was quite sharp.  I thought briefly about skipping the cool-down but said to myself, “Oh, just do it.”  So I did.