Category Archives: humor

Lame a Little Lame with Me

Posted on March 19, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Oh dear it is after 8 p.m. and I have yet to make my blog post.  I knew I would regret it when I did not type something in earlier.  Well, these things happen.  If I had made my post earlier, who is to say it would not have been even more lame than whatever I am about to come up with now?  I say it is best not to speculate upon such profitless topics.

So, yes, today is Lame Post Friday, the day when I take it easy an do not apologize for it.  I particularly like to indulge in random observations and half-baked philosophy.  Did I make any observations today? I saw a lot of weather.  First fog, then rain, then sun, then snow, then sun again, then gloom.  I am reminded of the old Popeye cartoons, when Popeye would try to make small talk.  He would say, “Large weather we’re having.”  It never worked very well as an ice breaker, but that hardly mattered.  We were all just waiting for him to eat some spinach and kick some ass.

I fear I do not have any philosophical comments to make.  Could I possibly become philosophical about not being philosophical?  I’m thinking not, but I’m wondering if any of my readers are named Phil.  Or Sophocles.  Is anybody named Sophocles anymore?  Was anybody ever named Sophocles after, you know, Sophocles?

And one final observations (not so random, but what are you going to do?):  I have a definite tendency to spell if “Sophoclese.”

 

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Whine, then Run, then Wine

Posted on March 18, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

As I was leaving work this afternoon, I said to my friend, “When I get home, should I go running or have a beer?”

“Go running,” she said.

I usually take the stairs down, but I got on the elevator with her to argue the point.  “Or I could have a glass of wine,”  I suggested.

“Go running,” she said.

“That sounds good,” a guy said.

“The run or the beer?” I said.

“The glass of wine,” he said.

“I’m going to take his advice,”  I told my friend.  “He is obviously much better at giving advice than you are.”

When I got home, I put on my running clothes and went running.  I thought that after I ran a beer or a glass of wine would be a fitting reward.  I thought of the headline as I was running.  In fact, I have been whining all day.  Don’t judge.

It was not a long run but it was also not a bad run. The temperature was warm with a pleasant breeze, perfect for my pace.  A few drops of rain fell while I was out there, but I did not let it deter me.  The sun came back out as I walked my cool-down. I can’t say my body particularly enjoyed the run, but as usual I was glad I had gone.

As you can see, I am not writing a full-blown Running Commentary post.  The fact is, I’m still not feeling 100 percent, and I have one more chore to take care of before I’m done for the day.  Hope to see you all on Lame Post Friday.

I still haven’t gotten my glass of wine yet.

 

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But Is It Post Ironic?

Posted on March 17, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is the damnedest thing that one day you can take a daytime cold medicine and it takes the edge off your symptoms and it doesn’t particularly dope you up, then the next day you take the same damn medicine and you are high as a kite for the rest of the day. Only it’s not as much fun as, for example, the drugs all the college kids were doing in the ’70s (to be exact, I was in high school in the ’70s, and I did not do drugs, but I’ve heard).

I wasn’t really as high as a kite. I’m quite sure I was not a danger to myself or others, at least, no more so than I normally am.  I guess “high as a a kite” was a poor characterization, as well as one of those cliches we writers are supposed to avoid like the plague.  I should say “like the proverbial plague.”  I have mentioned in the past that one can transform a cliche into a hip, post-ironic turn of phrase with the addition of the word “proverbial.”   I don’t know if that is true or not, but if you call me on it, I will accuse you of being neither hip nor post-ironic.

As many readers have by now guessed, today is Wuss-out Wednesday.  I spent the morning feeling sorry that I went home early on Friday.  Who knew I was going to feel even worse today?  I suppose I could have guessed it.  I bet some of you did.  As the morning wore on, I did not feel so horribly horrible, so that was all right.  However, I had no wherewithal with which to write a blog post.

Now I am trying to type in something, anything, while I wait for Steven to get home from work.  We have rehearsal again tonight.  I hope my brain returns in sufficient force that I will be able to act like a director (get it?  We’ll be in the theatre for a play rehearsal.  I will ACT like the director, a little play within the play) (or maybe a play on words) (OK, no more cold medicine for me).

 

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How About Edward G. Robinson?

Posted on March 16, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I don’t want to say I’m feeling old (at least, no older than I actually am) (in dog years) (just kidding!), but recently I have felt somewhat… dated.

It started at the read-through for Leading Ladies.  I told one of the actors who will portray a man dressed as a woman that when he was a woman, I wanted Rosalind Russell.

“He doesn’t know who Rosalind Russell is,” Steven told me.

What’s this?  A drama person who hasn’t seen Auntie Mame?  Say it ain’t so!  Of course it is so.  Luckily the actor understood what I wanted from the gesture I made when I said it.  However, I felt a point had been made about generations and different frames of reference.

I don’t want to telegraph any jokes, in case this is read by people who might come see the play (Come see the play!), but there is a reference to a Marlon Brando imitation.  I thought to myself,  “I’ll have to tell the actor involved that it is not Marlon Brando in The Godfather but Marlon Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire or On The Waterfront.”  Then I remembered that The Godfather was in the ’70s, not a recent movie this young person was likely to have seen.  (Full disclosure:  I haven’t seen The Godfather either; I just know Marlon Brando was in it and he was a lot older than he was in the other two movies.)

Anyways, I don’t know why it’s a Marlon Brando imitation anyways.  I think James Cagney or Humphrey Bogart would be better.  And I don’t mean James Cagney in Yankee Doodle Dandy or Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca (yes, I’ve seen both those movies).

Yes, I can direct a play without resorting to references to old movies.  And, no, I did not see these movies first run at the theatre.  Any other questions?

 

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About that Murder Mystery

Posted on March 15, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Murder is on the menu when the Morning Star Methodist Church in conjunction with Ilion Little Theatre presents “Engaged to be Murdered,” an interactive dinner theatre, on Saturday, April 2 at 5 p.m. at the church located at 36 Second St., Ilion. Tickets are $20 and include the performance and dinner. Reservations are required by March 31 by calling the church office at 315-894-4093.

“Engaged to be Murdered” takes place at the party celebrating the upcoming nuptials of society girl Genevieve Raglan to handsome up-and-comer Luke Donovan.  Representing Genevieve’s family are her elegant parents, Eliot and Marseille (it’s pronounced mar-SAY) Raglan, her glamorous Aunt Theodora, and family matriarch Grandma Nell.  Luke is accompanied by his father, cattle rancher Harry Donovan.  Also present, although nobody is sure who invited her, is ne’er-do-well Cousin Randy Raglan. All of these people have secrets to hide, and the audience will have a chance to ferret out the clues and try to solve the mystery.

That is from the press release I wrote for the murder mystery Ilion Little Theatre is putting together for the church’s fundraiser.  I had meant to copy the whole thing for today’s blog post, but, well, my desk top would not cooperate.  I managed to copy the first paragraph and half of the first sentence of the second paragraph.  Now I am on my new laptop, trying to remember the rest of it.

I think I have included all the relevant information.  My press release went on to toot my own horn as the writer. I figured the papers, if they used the release at all, would cut that part out.  Therefore, I shall feel free to cut it out now.  Local readers may like to come see the performance. I understand the dinner is roast pork.  Yum!

 

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Wrist to Run

Posted on March 14, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was undecided whether to do a Wrist to Forehead Sunday post or another Running Commentary, so I thought I’d just start typing and see what comes out.

I kind of impressed myself by running two days in a row, because I really did not intend to.  I had a number of chores to attend to and no desire to attend to any of them.  Just to bring up my mental woes as a slight change from my physical ones, I am fighting another bout of depression.  My biggest symptom this time seems to be a huge case of Don’t Wanna Do Nothin’ (the double negative does not make a positive in this case).  Actually, I’ve been wondering lately if my physical problems don’t stem from that.  My body is obliging me with a nice bout of psychosomatics, giving me a marvelous excuse to, in fact, do nothing.

Be that as it may, I knew I must get some things done.  I went to the grocery store.  I did the dishes.  I began to make my prompt book for Leading Ladies (we begin blocking rehearsals on Tuesday).  I looked at the clock and realized I had time enough for a two hour nap before my husband would return home from work.  Yes!  Nap!  Just what I needed.  I forgot to mention that we have a murder mystery rehearsal at three.  I had forgotten it myself until Steven reminded me.

Naturally I could not sleep.  I’ve been having dreadful insomnia lately.  It is not the least bit unusual for me to have insomnia, so I did not let it bother me unduly.  As I gave up on the nap I remembered that I was also supposed to do laundry today. I gathered a load and threw it in the washer.  Ah, the joy of having a washer and drier on the premises.  While it washed I indulged in a check of Facebook and in reading several other blogs.

When Facebook got old and I got tired of reading blogs, I began to think about running.  It was just after noon.  I had plenty of time for the length of run I am currently up to.  I decided to do it.

Then remembered the laundry.  It was done by now, so I went down and put stuff in the drier, carefully pulling out stuff to hang on the bars upstairs.  As I brought them upstairs, I decided I really wasn’t feeling all that well.  I would not go running.  I hung up the non-drier items.  What would I do instead?  Contemplating the other chores awaiting me, running started to sound a lot more pleasant.

So  I went. It would be nice to report that I got a good dose of endorphins and felt terrific afterwards.  That does happen sometimes.  It did not happen this time.  However, no run is without its rewards.  If nothing else, one can feel satisfied that one ran at all.  I worked on my ability to persevere and keep going despite it being not all that much fun.  Of course, it’s never all Plod and Persevere.  I had several moments of feeling Not Bad At All.  And I hope I don’t have a reason to feel bad about this blog post.  Happy Sunday, everyone.

 

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Not Too Whiny of a Running Commentary, I Hope

Posted on March 13, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I would like to think Saturday Running Commentary is back.  However, I can’t be sure.  At least I ran this morning and I will try to write about it.

We had gotten up early for a Saturday, because I have this nagging cough that wouldn’t let me sleep (yes, more whining about my health woes, don’t judge).  Going running wasn’t even on my radar, but coffee was.  Two cups. AAaaahhhh.  I love coffee.  I also needed a shower.  Well, I didn’t want to shower and then run. One runs then showers.  So I decided to run.

By now I had been up for almost two hours.  I was quite hungry.  At this point, I would usually eat something and delay my run.  However, I had read that if you run before eating in the morning, your body will burn stored fat, not the healthy breakfast you just ate.  What a concept! I have PLENTY of stored body fat.  This was going to be great.

It has been so warm these last few days, I thought, I could probably run in shorts and short sleeves.  Um, no, my thermostat said the outdoor temperature was 30 degrees.  Leggings and long sleeves, definitely.  And my toque, of course.  After I started I wished I had searched out the extra warm running pants my sister Victoria gave me as well as a pair of gloves.  No matter.  I wasn’t going to run long.

It was 7:22 by my watch when I started out.  On a Saturday, that is still early enough for sparse traffic.  Excellent.  I could cross German Street.  I wanted to run down the path over what used to be a hydraulic canal, which begins a block beyond that sometimes difficult to cross street.  The sun was bright but still low enough in the sky that I was often in the shade of houses.  I could feel the warmth sometimes.  Ah, better.  Then not so much.  Damn.  Then I felt some breeze.  I KNOW that was not from me running fast.

After a while I could feel the wind penetrating my toque.  That was unusual, and chilly on my sweaty head.  My hands were soon stiff with cold.  No notations in the Running Journal till after my shower.  I have been quite remiss about making notes in my Running Journal.  I’ve been jotting down the date and time run on odd pieces of paper, meaning to transfer the information and, well, I just haven’t.  And now I can’t find all the odd pieces of paper. Finally I made a note in the Running Journal to that effect and once again started over.  I know, what a recurring theme for my running.  I say, at least  I DO begin again, eventually.

It wasn’t such a bad run. I started feeling tired a little more than halfway through but not too desperate to stop.  My breathing wasn’t bad, although there was no chance of doing the “in through your nose” thing.  Still, that is usually the case with me, so I tried not to let it bother me.  My throat was not best pleased with me, of course.  I did mention that nagging cough, didn’t I?

So I ended up running 25 minutes and walking for 10, the same amount I did earlier in the week.  It has perhaps been too many days between my runs, but, well, not to whine more about my health problems, but… you know.

As I was running I made the decision NOT to run this year’s Boilermaker 15K.  I do want to run more and continue to get back into shape.  I subscribe to the saying, “If you are too busy to exercise, you are too busy PERIOD.”  However, it is one thing to get exercise and quite another to train for a challenging 15K road race.  I can still get plenty of Running Commentary blog posts.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

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Yum, Not Lame

Posted on March 12, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

In lieu of my usual Friday Lame Post, I shall give a brief shout-out to a local business: Salvatore’s Pizzeria and Restaurant in Herkimer, NY.

Our original plan had been to go out for a fish fry, but I am, what a surprise, not feeling well.  Yes, I’m as sick of feeling this way as you are of hearing about it. Let’s not dwell on it, shall we?

It is Friday during Lent and I am kind of, sort of Catholic, so I didn’t want meat.  I suggested a large garlic pizza with peppers and mushrooms, and an order of calimari.  We don’t technically need a large pizza for just the two of us, but I like how thin the crust gets.  Then I get leftover pizza for breakfast.  Yum.

Delivery was astonishingly prompt.  It usually is from Salvatore’s.  That is one reason we often let them come to our rescue when we don’t feel like cooking or going out.  The other reason is, of course, yum.

Wow, I guess there’s not a whole lot else to say.  How embarrassing.  Then again, perhaps my readers would prefer to stop reading a silly blog and get back to enjoying their Friday.  I know I do (yes, yes, I’m writing not reading right now; don’t be didactic).  Happy Friday, everyone.

Salvatore’s is located at 650 1/2 German St., Herkimer, NY, phone number 315-866-2600.  Their website is http://www.salvatores-herkimer.com/index.html.

 

 

 

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Definitely an LP, not a 45

Posted on March 11, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

What does one do when one is striving NOT to indulge in a Non-Sequitur Thursday post but cannot think of anything  worth writing a blog post about?

I actually have a delightful local business I have been writing about today, but that was for an article to submit to Mohawk Valley Living.  Don’t tell anybody, but it is not going as well as I had hoped.  One problem is that I cannot find the notebook I had with me the day we visited the place.  I remember some of the things I took notes about but cannot remember the notes themselves.  It is most distressing. I think I will be able to finish the article anyways, but I’m afraid it will not be as good.

As any writer can tell you, Fear of Not Being Good Enough can be paralyzing.  What is it called?  Inadequaphobia?  Probably nothing that explanatory.  It’s probably something derived from the Latin meaning “doesn’t have her act together.”  I should have taken a course in Latin.

It does not help that my spring allergies have kicked in big time.  I suppose it could also be a cold or the flu or some undefined virus.  Who ever knows what’s wrong with me anyways?  At any rate, I feel like crap and I am trying to get my work done while reminding myself that nobody want to hear AGAIN how lousy I feel.  What a broken-record kvetch I am!

For younger readers (if any)  that does not mean I broke a record for being the biggest kvetch (although that could be true as well).  It has to do with vinyl records on a turntable.  Get your grandparents to explain.

Now I’m thinking, “Oh, hell, my blog readers probably don’t want to hear about it either.” That is a problem.  Perhaps I can come up with another idea by the end of the day.

Well, obviously I did not.  However, I did get my article written and submitted.  Also, I’m feeling worse than ever and I don’t care who’s sick of hearing me complain.  Yes, I’m indulging in Non-Sequitur Thursday.  Now I’m going to indulge in Going Straight to Bed.

 

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I’m Not Stressed

Posted on March 10, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is another lovely warm day in the Mohawk Valley, and I am not in any position to enjoy it.  Much. OK, I’m loving it.  Only I would love to go running again and I cannot.

Today is the read-through for Leading Ladies, (all together now:) the play I am directing at Ilion Little Theatre.  We haven’t even started yet and I am stressed, Stressed, STRESSED!  Oh dear, mustn’t admit that.  I hope none of my cast members read this.  They might get worried and quit.  I’m thinking as soon as we get started I will be fine.  There may be one bad moment at the beginning, where everybody is looking at me expectantly and my mind will go completely blank. I’ll tell you what, the Actor’s Nightmare is nothing compared to the Director’s HeebieJeebies.

However, it will not last long, if it even occurs.  I’ll start talking, and then we’ll rehearse.  I don’t know why I’m even worried, but there it is.  And here I am in the middle of a Wuss-out Wednesday post, trying to remember what-all I thought I absolutely had to get done before heading over to the theatre.

Here’s the funny thing:  it did not even occur to me to write a blog post on a break at work today.  I had planned to work on next month’s article for Mohawk Valley Living, the deadline for which is looming.  Unfortunately, I brought the wrong notebook to work with me.  You might think that once I realized that, my thoughts would turn to what other useful writing I could do. Instead I started looking at the script, because I am still struggling with working out a rehearsal schedule.

That was arguably another useful thing to do, but it doesn’t help you much, does it?  Here you tuned into a blog, hoping to read something good, and what did you find?  Me.  Then again, regular readers are probably not surprised.  I guess I’m not either.  Tune in again tomorrow, and we’ll see if I resort to Non-Sequitur Thursday.

 

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