Category Archives: humor

I Pick Triumphant

As I left my house and started to run down the sidewalk, I said to myself, “Yes!  I am BACK!”  Then I thought, how many damn times have I been back?  Is there a point where one ought to be sheepish rather than triumphant?  Perhaps so. In any case, here is a Running Commentary in lieu of my usual Tired Tuesday.

I have observed many times that people who go on about their health ills are tiresome. I was feeling tiresome today, and tired of being tiresome.  I have many things I need to accomplish, some of them before tomorrow, but I decided to run anyways. I need to be physically active.  I need to lose weight.  I sternly told myself to do this one thing for me.  I know, that’s kind of a crock.  I do a lot of things for me, which is why I’m behind on all those other things I need to accomplish.  Still, I made up my mind to run.

One reason to run is that it was BEAUTIFUL!  The temperature was at least in the 50s.  I didn’t check, but it was delightful to be out running in shorts and short sleeves. Even my hands didn’t get cold. Most of the sidewalks were bare.  I leaped over or ran around any mud.  I soon attained a comfortable pace.  I felt it was slightly faster than my usual shuffle.  I pretended to myself it was the gazelle-like lope I sometimes see the young people do, but I knew it really wasn’t.  No matter.  I was enjoying it.

I decided where to run based on avoiding pedestrian and not crossing busy streets.  I turned one way rather than run into two teenage girls.  I wanted to avoid that awkward   feeling of do I go left or right?  Should I say hello? I almost always say hello. I found myself a block and a half behind a man.  Then a block.  At half a block he got to a corner.  I thought, “If he crosses the street, I’ll turn.  If he turns, I’ll cross the street.”  He crossed the street.

This had me headed down Main Street.  Lots of people on Main Street.  Why was I feeling so unsociable today?  I don’t know, but I turned onto Church.  It was really not a problem to run. Breathing was OK, legs didn’t hurt.  I didn’t use these words at the time, but I see now that I was rocking it!

As I ran down Caroline Street, a boy passed me on a bicycle.  As I was looking at his chubby legs and thinking it would be unkind to mention their chubbiness in the blog, the little jerk turned around and gave me the finger!  As I stared at him, flabbergasted, he did it again, with a big nasty grin, making sure I saw it!  Now I know enough not to take these things personally.  He probably had just learned the gesture and was trying it out.  I wondered if possibly he was psychic and knew I was thinking he had chubby legs.  Now I think maybe he had gotten picked on at school for his chubby legs and this was his way of making himself feel better. At any rate, you see that I have gotten my petty revenge by mentioning his chubby legs in my blog post.  How unkind of me.  He had chubby hands, too.

Two young men were a couple of blocks ahead of me as I turned down Park Avenue.  They turned around and looked at me. Was I making that much noise?  I didn’t think I was huffing and puffing.  A few minutes later, they looked back again.  What the hell?  Did I look weird?  They crossed the street to go through Meyers Park.  I had intended to go through the park but turned up Bellinger Street instead.  I didn’t need those guys giving me the finger as well.

A man was doing yard work.  I was just about to say I had to do that too, when he said, “The weather sure is cooperating for a run!”

“Oh, it sure is,” I said. “I’m loving it!”

I was loving it.  I hope the weather cooperates again on Thursday so I can repeat the experience.  Perhaps without the rude chubby-legged boy.

 

Musings Before the Mystery

You know, even when I was in my twenties, I couldn’t party like the other twenty-somethings.  Now that I’m in my fifties, forget it!  But what an appropriate reflection for Middle-aged Musings Monday.

I was not exactly what they call a Hurting Unit today, but I was tired.  What could I expect? Four days of fun and excitement with the best husband ever (well he’s the best husband I ever had!) will take a toll on anyone.  To make matters worse, I don’t get to come home, put on sweats and vegetate on the couch.  Oh wouldn’t that be nice?  Bra off, slippers on, crochet on lap, crime show on TV.  Then early to bed, like an old lady like me ought to do.

This pleasing programme is not what I shall follow tonight, however.  I have theatre commitments.  On hurrying home (staying within the posted speed limits, of course), I had to edit and print out character sheets for the murder mystery I’m doing.  I must tell you all about that murder mystery.  I wrote a press release on it.  Perhaps I could modify that into a blog post for tomorrow.

After I hit Publish on this, I am off to our first rehearsal.  I hope everybody feels that the script is clever and fun.  I hope they enjoy the characters I have invented.  Oh, the tribulations of a playwright!

So I guess I haven’t mused much, other than the first paragraph.  I’m not even sure if I’ve a-mused anybody, but I can hope.  In any case, Happy Monday and I hope you’ll tune in tomorrow, when Mohawk Valley Girl says, “It’s Tuesday and I am Tired!”

 

For the Kitties

Today was the H.A.L.O. Chinese Auction at Silverado in Herkimer, NY.  I had donated an afghan, as I like to do for almost any worthy cause.  H.A.L.O., for the uninitiated, is the Helping Animals Live Organization, a no-cage, no-kill cat rescue group.

So I attended the event to support a worthy cause (noble), to try to win something fun (more self-serving), and to check out how many people put tickets in to try to win what I donated (completely self-serving).  This is how I multi-task.

The auction opened at 11 a.m., and it wasn’t too long after that that we pulled up to the Silverado Inn on Marginal Road in Herkimer, NY.  It wasn’t too hard to find a parking spot, but there were already a lot of vehicles there.  It was pretty crowded inside as well.

We paid $20 for two sets of 125 tickets and started walking around, deciding what to put in for.  There was a lot!  And there were a lot of people putting in for things.  Luckily, people were pretty polite as we maneuvered around one another, looking at prizes and putting in our numbers.

I finished before Steven and made my way to the bar.  It was perhaps a little early to be imbibing, but I wanted to support Silverado as well as H.A.L.O.  After all, they open their doors on a Sunday to support a non-profit. I feel I should do what I can to make it worth their while.  Steven eventually joined me and we had a couple of glasses of Merlot.  I also got a hot dog, sold by H.A.L.O., so I am all kinds of charitable today.

Drawings for prizes began at 2 p.m., that is about ten minutes before I started making this post.  I hope we win something.

For more information on H.A.L.O., you can visit their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/HALO-Helping-Animals-Live-Organization-270498491799/timeline.

 

Mid-Long Weekend Blues

Long weekends make for day to day confusion.  Wednesday I thought it was Friday.  Thursday I thought it was Saturday.  Friday I didn’t know what day it was.  Today I am similarly confused, although it feels suspiciously like Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

As you may have guessed, this is going to be a crappy post.

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a long weekend, and having a perfectly nice time about it, there are moments when you feel that you just don’t feel as wonderful as you feel you ought to feel.  And you can rarely make yourself feel other than what you damn well feel; I don’t care what the Facebook memes tell you you can do.

I’m not asking for sympathy, so stop playing those miniature violins with that unbearably superior fake-sympathetic look (really, you just can’t say some things to some people).  I know I’ll feel better subsequently.  My problem is, I want to write a blog post NOW, hit publish, and get on with my evening.

I got a lot of odds and ends done this morning and had a certifiable Mohawk Valley adventure this afternoon.  There is no reason to feel vaguely irritated, downright downhearted or any way other than satisfied and contented with my lot in life.  To remind me of this only increases my irritation and downheartedness by adding guilt to my other ills.

My best bet in these circumstances, I’ve found, is to just don’t worry about how I feel and drive on, getting done what I wanted to get done and trusting that things will change in due course.  My main thing to get done now is to publish a blog post (how’s this for a Freudian typo: I put “blot post”).  And here are over 250 words of nonsense that somebody might find mildly amusing.  Happy Saturday everyone and I hope to see you on Sunday, when I hope my wrist will not be on my forehead.

 

Friday with Fish

As Steven’s birthday weekend continues, I am no more inclined to cook or wash dishes than I have been during the week.  Luckily Steven was pleased to have dinner out again.  He wanted fish fry.  I remembered that Salvatore’s in Herkimer usually offers a fish fry special on Fridays.  We often call Salvatore’s for delivery, but it is also a good place to eat in.

The parking lot seemed full when we got there, but we easily got a table and were soon perusing menus.  Steven got the fish sandwich, which came with fries.  He said yes to tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise and tartar sauce.  I chose the baked haddock with ranch dressing on the salad.  It came with pasta.  I asked for butter and garlic instead of tomato sauce.  We each got  glass of Pinot Grigio as well as water with lemon.

The chef put a little parsley on my spaghetti along with the butter and garlic.  I asked for grated cheese, and a spoon.  I am quite adept at twirling my spaghetti, as a result of growing up in an Italian family.  Spaghetti and meatballs was a high treat for Sunday dinner.  I have since read that it is most proper to twirl your spaghetti on the plate; using a spoon is second best, and cutting the noodles up is downright vulgar.  Of course I’m going to eat my pasta the way I like to and not worry about somebody else’s arbitrary rules, but I can’t help making note of these things.

Speaking of downright vulgar, I know one is supposed to cut the lettuce in the salad.  I’ve seen people do it quite classily; it spreads the dressing around nicely.  I got lettuce on the table.  You can neither dress me up nor take me out, it seems.

The people at Salvatore’s wished Steven a happy birthday a day late.  Their Facebook page had wished him well on the day.  We like Salvatore’s.

Salvatore’s is located at 650 1/2 German St., Herkimer, NY, phone number  (315) 866-2600.  You can also find them on Facebook.

 

Steve’s Birthday Dinner

Today is my wonderful husband’s birthday.  He wanted to go out to dinner, and I suggested PK’s Pub. For one reason, I neither baked nor bought him a cake, and PK’s has the BEST desserts.

We went early and were happy to get the tall table.  I love sitting at a tall table. When the waitress asked for our drink orders, I opted for a cup of coffee and a glass of water.  I felt I had had enough wine yesterday at Applebee’s.  It turned out the coffee was freshly brewed.  It was very good coffee.

I ordered hats with marinara sauce and two meatballs while Steven got the grilled chicken platter.  We both had ranch dressing on our salads.  PK’s does a great salad as well.  I especially like the garbanzo beans. The ranch dressing was creamy and delicious.  I also enjoy the herbed butter that comes with the bread.

I declined dessert (still hoping to lose that last 10 pounds) (oh, OK, it’s 15 pounds now, don’t judge), but Steven got Chocolate Lava Cake.  I could not resist trying one little bite.  Yum!  A lady who worked there walked by and said she got a great whiff of chocolate aroma.

We were delighted with our dinner, and I had enough hats left over to make part of another meal.  We had not been to PK’s in a while, a scandalous omission.  We won’t wait that long next time.

PK’s Pub is located at 221 King St. in Herkimer, NY, phone number 315-866-3494.  You can also Like them on Facebook.

 

Friday without Fish

I forgot how easily a change of scenery can get rid of Writer’s Block.  It is as if I left the block at work.  Just walked right away from it.  I must remember that trick for future use.

I am sitting at Applebee’s in Herkimer, NY writing in my battered spiral notebook.  I am meeting friends to talk about casting for Leading Ladies.  Steven will  join the discussion already in progress when he gets off work.

I should perhaps mention that today is my Friday, since I have the rest of the week off.  I had so internalized the notion earlier that I cursed myself for not bringing a tuna fish sandwich for lunch.  I remembered in time that this is no ordinary Friday.

However, I am still making a lame post.  We could call it a Wuss-out Wednesday, just to be didactic.

I had a cold walk down here.  There was wind and snow.  However, I persevered .

I made it down to Applebee’s.  I had a grand time with friends.  Now I am too tired to make a good post. Go figure.  Happy Friday (Wednesday), everyone.

 

A Good Problem on a Tired Tuesday

This timeI think it really is Writer’s Block.   I just sat here by my notebook for a good ten minutes and no thoughts came through my head and out my fingers.  I was also eating my sammich and vegetables at the same time (although in general I am no fan of multi-tasking).

I finished my lunch in short order, and as you can read, I’m writing now.  Perhaps it isn’t any good, but it’s words on paper.  Sometimes we must take what we can get.

All morning as I worked (yes, when I COULD have been thinking about my blog post), I was obsessing about Leading Ladies, the show I am directing (should I say that every time and should I specify at Ilion Little Theatre?  I don’t like to bore regular readers, but I must also consider those of you who are just tuning in) (if any) (um, I mean if any AT ALL, regular or otherwise).

Thirteen people showed up for auditions Monday night.  That is a marvelous turnout for our little community theatre.  I only need eight actors!  Oh dear, maybe this is not so marvelous after all.  How can I turn people away?  How can I decide who to turn away?  Now what?

I know, it is a great problem to have.  Usually we are making phone calls, sending emails and tearing our hair out.  So I’m not exactly complaining, although I suppose it sounds suspiciously like I am.

Be that as it may, I have now blathered on for over 200 words.  It is Tired Tuesday and I must get to the second night of auditions.  Wouldn’t it be cool if even MORE people showed up?  Maybe I need to find a bigger play.

 

Maniac Monday

I was going to title today’s post “Manic Monday,”  but then I thought about the song of that name and it didn’t really fit.  Now I have the song playing in my head kind of mashed up with “She’s a Maniac” from Flashdance.  I really should exercise more care in crafting these titles.

I knew I would be pressed for time today, because auditions are tonight for Leading Ladies at Ilion Little Theatre (in case you forgot or never knew, that is the play I am directing). That being the case, it would have been a good idea for me to write my blog post earlier, maybe even to have written it and typed it in yesterday.  Yeah, I’m likely to achieve that level of organization and planning at my age.

In my defense, a co-worker nicely brought me a copy of Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  I usually read that magazine cover to cover, not just my own article.  It’s a really awesome publication.  So I did not write my blog post, and I’m still not quite ready for auditions.

I just now typed up audition sheets on my computer.   For the uninitiated, the actors fill these out prior to auditioning, and I use them to write comments on.  They ask name, contact information, availability.  Sometimes they ask you to list experience, but I decided I didn’t really care.  I mean, unless I’ve seen them in it, it doesn’t really tell me much.  And if I saw them in it, I probably would remember it.  I asked if they were willing to shave and wear a dress, since the two lead males have to do that.  I was going to put “men only” for that question, but I didn’t like to discriminate.

Longtime readers may remember how when I’m involved in a project this blog eventually becomes All [That Project] All The Time.  I’m afraid I may get to the All Leading Ladies All The Time sooner than expected, unless I really get my act together.  I think we all know the probability of that.  Happy Monday, everybody.

 

Sunday Stroll in the Sun

In lieu of my usual Wrist to Forehead Sunday, I offer a Pedestrian Post with a heartfelt sigh of happiness about the weather.

My husband Steven had today off, so it promised to be a good day from the get-go.  We went out to breakfast at Crazy Otto’s before a quick stop at the grocery store.  It was already warmish when we left the house, but when I stepped out of Crazy Otto’s it was WONDERFUL!  I walked down the sidewalk taking deep breaths of spring air.  This was a good day for a walk.

When we got back from Hannaford, I wrote a few postcards, as I usually do on Saturday but had not gotten to this week.  Then I picked up my script for Leading Ladies.  Many of you will remember that is the play I am directing for Ilion Little Theatre.  Auditions are tomorrow. I wanted to photocopy scenes for them.  Hummel’s Office Plus is a short walk from the post office. They have a photocopier.

I wore my crazy old lady hat and my prescription sunglasses.  I was grateful for both.  How wonderful to walk along in a mere sweatshirt (um, and the rest of my clothes, don’t get any weird ideas about me) with no bitter wind hurting my face.  The sidewalks were mostly bare, and the lawns not too squishy when we had to walk around mud or ice.

After mailing the postcards and making the copies, we walked up Main Street so Steven could purchase cigarettes at Smoker’s Choice.  We observed that Valley Exchange was open but contented ourselves with looking at the window.  That is a fun store.  Linda’s Consignment Shop, across the street, was not open, but I must get down there again soon. Also on the other side of the street we saw people working in The End Zone, a pub and grill to be opening soon.

We walked all the way up to German Street, then past our own street to take an extra turn around our block, because we were so enjoying the weather.  Snow is in the forecast in the upcoming week, but I can’t worry about that today.  I hope you are all having a lovely Sunday as well.