Category Archives: humor

The Incredible Shrinking Blog Post

Posted on August 4, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

As a change from a post about Why I Can’t Write a Post, how about a post about Why I Can’t Write About This Movie. Having just thought of a good title, I see I must also keep this one short.

Spoiler Alert! Because even as I say I am not writing about this movie, I may inadvertently give something away. Perhaps one day I will do a post on why I feel so obligated to always give a spoiler alert.

I DVR’d The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957) because I was certain a science fiction movie from the ’50s would offer the cheese content I desire. Will I ever learn my lesson about that?

It turns out the movie was part of a new feature on TCM (at least new to me; I don’t know how long they’ve been doing it), Essentials Junior. The Essentials, a feature I sometimes catch, shows the movies you must watch if you aspire to be a real cinemaphile (my computer says that’s not a word, but isn’t it?). Robert Osborne and a co-host of varying degrees of credibility discuss it beforehand.

Bill Hader hosts Essentials Junior, and he starts out by giving a plot summary. What’s that all about? I hate to be given a plot summary! And it seems really pointless in this case. I mean, we’ve tuned in, we’ve already decided to watch the movie. What do we need a plot summary for? As I expressed my feelings about this in the TV Journal, Hader went on to make some more substantive comments about the movie and the times in which it was made. However, I missed most of them, because I was busy writing about my disgruntlement.

Incidentally, the irony is not lost on me that as I sat there decrying plot summaries, most of my movie posts are just that.

That is really the most interesting thing I have to say about The Incredible Shrinking Man. The movie was not particularly cheesy. The effects were actually pretty good for their time. Oh sure, there was the occasional inconsistency in perspective. You’ll have that.

The problem I had with the movie — and I emphasize that this was only a problem for me, not a bad thing about the movie — is that it was deadly serious. It was, dare I say it, philosophical. And their philosophy was not half-baked! What can Mohawk Valley Girl say about a movie like that?

I promised a short post, so I’d better shut up now. Maybe this was another foolish post, but in my defense, at least this time it wasn’t all about me.

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Still Think “Blog” is a Silly Verb

Posted on August 4, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

This is what I get for not running on a Saturday: now I don’t have anything to write a blog post about. Is anybody getting tired of posts about Why I Can’t Write a Post?

Personally, I’m not. I think it’s a funny thing to write a blog post about. And it is a challenge to think of something different to say each time. At least, I hope I think of something different each time. I don’t go back and re-read these silly posts.

I was reading through all my posts. I did it once when I had been blogging (still think it’s a silly verb) about a month. Then I started to do it again when I had been at it for a year. That time it took longer, because I only want to read so many blog posts at a time. I was almost caught up when I inexplicably stopped. Perhaps I should start up again. I can write a blog post about any startling conclusions I draw (although I am more likely to come up with some half-baked philosophy about it) (I always say, go with your strengths).

The fact is, I have spent today doing mostly useful things. For “useful” you can read “boring” or at least “unblogworthy” (my computer tells me that’s not a word, but I think it should be). I did have one Mohawk Valley adventure, but you know I don’t like to write about those so soon after the fact.

On the brighter side: one adventure today, one planned for tomorrow, still time to watch a cheesy movie tonight. I may have a much better blog next week.

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Maybe More Coffee Would Help

Posted on August 3, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

So there I was at work. I had written a page on my novel before my shift began. You may remember, that novel that keeps me from writing blog posts. I was determined not to let that happen today, Lame Post Friday or not.

I was going to think about my blog post all morning till I came up with something. It’s worked before. In any case, I had reached the end of a scene in my novel and had no idea where to go next. The novel is at that stage. I’m sort of limping along till I get to the top of the next hill, to speak metaphorically.

I began to work and think (my job is the sort where you can multi-task like that) (although in general I am no fan of multi-tasking). I was drinking coffee (no, that does NOT count as another task. Sheesh!). That was it! I would write about coffee!

I began to think about all the good things I could say about coffee. I even had a few good memories to share. Oh dear, would that make it more suitable for Middle-aged Musings Monday? Well, that would be OK. I could write it today and be ahead for Monday. I could hardly wait for the nine o’clock break to write that blog post.

The break buzzer rang. I sat down and took out my notebook. And began to write a whole new scene in my novel where the characters were sitting around drinking coffee. I worked on that scene for the rest of break and most of lunch!

So once again, the novel wins, and I write a post on Why I Can’t Write a Post. I don’t think that’s so bad for a Lame Post Friday. We’ll see what the weekend brings.

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After Staring at a Blank Screen

Posted on August 2, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s not that I can’t write. It’s that I can’t write a blog post!

I wrote more than two pages on my novel while at work today. OK, maybe they weren’t good pages. Maybe it’s a crappy novel. These things happen. The fact is I sat there and wrote them with a bare minimum of staring at the blank page first.

So I sit down to dash off a blog post and nothing. What’s that all about? I know damn well I wrote something about how writing the blog every day was helping me to write the novel. Is writing the novel now making me unable to write the blog? That’s ridiculous!

And obviously not true, because, look, I just wrote two paragraphs (I don’t count the first one; it’s only two sentences). I do find it interesting, if a little snake-eating-its-own-tail-ish, to write about writing. I like to read about writing, too. A writing friend of mine said she stopped doing that, because she feared she was reading about writing more than she was writing. When she said that, I just looked sheepish.

I do have some Mohawk Valley adventures planned for the weekend, one of which I alluded to in a post earlier this week (astute readers will know it when they see it) (extremely clever readers may have already guessed) (now I’m being too coy; OK, I’m done). I may even write another post about Why I Can’t Write a Post, this time thinking of something more substantive to say. In the meantime, this is Non-Sequitur Thursday, so I have only to think of a foolish headline, and I’m done.

Hope to see you on Lame Post Friday.

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The Post is Cheesier than the Movie

Posted on August 1, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I DVR’d Paid (1931) purely because it starred Joan Crawford. I don’t know why I do that. Back in the days of the studio system they simply ground out movies. Even the few stars that never signed or fought their contracts made a few stinkers. Then again, shouldn’t I be looking for a stinker, given my penchant for writing about cheesy movies? I thought it was a win-win situation. Turns out not so much.

Paid was made pretty early in Crawford’s career. So early, in fact, that some would say it was before she was really Joan Crawford. By that of course I mean without the famous eyebrows and shoulder pads. She already has a presence, though, or she does as the movie progresses. In the first scene she looks pretty terrible as she is sentenced to three years in prison for theft she did not commit. She shows a flash of strength as she vows revenge on the man pressing charges, the owner of the department store where she slaved away for wages that didn’t pay the bills.

They don’t waste too much time in prison, but long enough for Crawford to make a friend who promises her a way to make money when they get out. This turns out to be prostitution, which our Joan does not end up going through with. At least, she goes home with a guy but doesn’t sleep with him, so I guess it’s prostitution. You know how circumspect these old movies are about sex stuff.

After turning down an invitation to lead a different life of crime, she finds a “legal” way to make money. Suddenly she’s all self-confident and calling all the shots. And the cops are SO after her. Then the plot gets a little convoluted.

She marries this handsome rich young thing, who turns out to be — surprise to us but not to Crawford — the son of the store owner she has vowed revenge against. I guess marrying the son is her revenge. And she claims not to love him, although she can’t look him in the face when she says so.

Her crooked friends — who were never quite comfortable living on the right side of the law anyways — are conned into one last big score. Of course that is a movie staple to this day: one last big score.

This was about the time I left the room to make popcorn, leaving Steven to keep track of what was going on. It wasn’t just my usual not paying attention mode: this is a boring movie. I don’t know why. The plot actually seems pretty good. And Joan Crawford — there could be no possible objection.

I’m afraid my write-up is pretty boring too. I am in a hell of a mid-week slump and I don’t know that things are going to get any better. I look forward to Non-Sequitur Thursday and Lame Post Friday. I do hope you’ll stay tuned.

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Better Chop Some More Vegetables

Posted on July 29, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was all set to have another Wrist to Forehead Sunday. Then I spent some time in the kitchen working on tonight’s dinner and tomorrow’s lunch. The therapeutic benefits of chopping vegetables are not to be denied.

If the above paragraph made any readers look forward to a cooking post, sorry. I wasn’t really doing anything more distinctive than chopping vegetables. I thought I would write about a Joan Crawford movie we just watched. I started to write it.

Soon my wrist was back on my forehead, because the post got, let’s be honest, boring. I actually thought the movie was kind of boring, but I wanted to know what happened. I don’t despair of writing something about it eventually. Sometimes you have to let these things marinade in your brain for a few days.

In the meantime, I need something for today. My husband, Steven, and I took our schnoodle, Tabby, for a walk earlier. It was perfect walking weather. Not too hot, not too humid and not too sunny. We walked by a big garage sale we had seen signs for yesterday. A nice man there petted Tabby and said they were definitely dog friendly. We bought a glass with Abraham Lincoln painted on it. I wanted to buy something since they were dog friendly.

Well, that wasn’t very distinctive either, but it got me over 200 words. What, oh what will the week ahead bring? I am so thin on Mohawk Valley adventures these days! (My wrist is still on my forehead, can you tell?)

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Nowhere to Go But Up

Posted on July 28, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have not been running enough lately but did not feel I could use that as an excuse to not run today. Steven left for work at 6:20 a.m. I left at the same time.

I turned toward Steuben Street, thinking to go up that hill. Full disclosure: I could not remember the name of the street till I got to it and saw the sign. That’s how little I’ve been running lately, because that is a usual Saturday morning run for me.

As I turned down German Street the sun was right in my eyes. How annoying. At least I could see the sidewalk a few feet in front of me, so no danger of tripping and falling on my stupid face. At least, less danger. I’m so clumsy I guess there are no guarantees. However, I reached Steuben without mishap (making a mental note of the name) and started up.

Who remembered that the hill was so steep and long? Not me! Oh no. There were only a couple of opportunities to turn off. Should I take the first, easier one? No! I was going to be tough!

What the hell do I have to be so tough for? I thought that hill was going to go on forever. The sidewalk ends pretty quickly and there is no shoulder to speak of. Traffic is light early Saturday morning, of course, but I encountered a few cars and trucks. Most of them at least crossed the center line for me. I suppose I can’t expect them to slow down much as they are going downhill. I at least gave them the little thank you wave for getting over.

Since, as I mentioned, I have not been running enough, I could not quite remember how far up the tough girl turn-off was. Around this curve? No. The next curve? No. Oh dear. Lots of curves on this road. Was that a hoof print in the gravel? Any observation to distract myself is useful. I looked around for deer, which you occasionally see on that road.

I started looking through trees to my right. You can see the road you turn on to through them before you actually get to it, and that’s kind of an encouraging sight. No far nothing but trees. Darn. Wait, surely that was the turn off? No, just a driveway. Well, I was certainly toughening myself up, wasn’t I?

At last! I could see the road I wanted through the trees. Now it was only a question of where the damn turn off was. The sharper the angle, the longer till I got to the turn. Damn, it must be a V! At last I reached it. Aaah!

And remembered that after a very short down-slope the road goes up again. What’s that all about? I felt so ill-used. And annoyed with myself for forgetting that little detail. No matter, I told myself. It was not all that steep an up-slope, and it was a quieter, residential area. I admired a few houses. I didn’t think I remembered any dogs on this stretch.

Then I was on the down-slope again. Which I had forgotten was so steep! It’s a little scary going down a steep down-slope. My husband, Steven, tells the story of running down a hill when he was a kid and being unable to stop. I suppose if it was a race I might throw caution to the wind and see how fast I could get. As it was, I leaned back and took advantage of gravity without letting gravity take control of me (how’s that for a sound bite?)

It was actually a pretty good run. I even encountered my friend, Nicky and his person when I got back on German Street. Naturally I stopped long enough to pet Nicky (such a good dog) and exchange greetings with his person. As Tabby graciously walked my cool-down with me, I felt pretty terrific. I might even run another hill tomorrow.

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Lame Lament

Posted on July 27, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

So here I am on another Lame Post Friday, feeling a little discouraged about this whole blogging business.

Oh, I can hear it now, the mean people saying, “So stop writing a blog! Nobody asked you to!” And then they say, with a sniff, “We’re not MEAN, we’re REALISTIC.” I explain, “Shut up” (an SJ Perelman reference I have used numerous occasions).

That parenthetical comment raises the half-baked philosophical question of where are the lines drawn between reference, homage and stealing somebody else’s stuff? I do hope the fact that I gave credit to Mr. Perelman absolves me from charges of plagiarism (which some people feel is the sincerest form of flattery).

My other philosophical question (half-baked, of course) is where is the line drawn between discouragement and feeling sorry for oneself? I believe the difference is one of point of view. I feel discouragement; you feel sorry for yourself (oh, not you, dear reader; I’m just giving an example).

I actually thought to write a non-lame (or perhaps semi-lame) post today. I was cooking something unexpected for supper and thought to write about that. Then I realized: far too much trouble for a Friday. I’ll save it for tomorrow or next week.

If boasting no other virtue, a lame post should be short. I’ll sign off now. Happy Friday, everybody.

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A Walk for Tabby

Posted on July 26, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was unable to write my intended post today (no excuses, just the usual reasons). I see it has been two weeks since my last Pedestrian Post, so I submit the following.

I felt I owed our schnoodle, Tabby, something fun. Last night (Wednesday) we went to the laundromat, a new activity for us, as regular readers may recall. Tabby saw us loading the car and got all excited. We must be going somewhere fun! In her defense, that is usually the only time she sees us making multiple trips between the vehicle and the house.

She looked so happy, I wanted to cry. I knew she would forgive us as soon as we were back home, but still. I suppose the operative thing to have done would have been to take her for a walk immediately upon our return. Or even before we left, so she might be tired and sleep while we were gone. One can often see the perfect thing to have done after the fact.

Be all that as it may, Tabby and I went for a nice walk just now. Yesterday gave us the deliciously cool fall-like temperatures that I love (yes, yet anther reason it would have been a good idea to walk yesterday, will you give it a rest?). Today was warm but not stinking hot. I put on my crazy old lady had and sunglasses and off we went.

It was pleasant in the shade, especially when a breeze blew. We walked one of our usual routes, down to Church Street then over towards Tabby’s and my beloved Historic Four Corners. This was also good for me, because I saw how long it takes to get there. I intend to walk to the Herkimer County Historic Society (one of the four corners) later tonight for a program on Wicked Mohawk Valley (preview of coming attractions).

Tabby did her business before we got to the Four Corners, which was nice, because there is a trash can right in front of the 1834 Jail (another one of the corners). I had another bag in case of further need so did not scruple to get rid of what she’d done so far.

On down Main Street we went. As always I admired the historic looking buildings and lamented the closed businesses. I noticed Christ Episcopal Church is offering a free dinner on Sunday. That might be fun and tasty.

We turned at Park Avenue. Burrito Jones is still promising to come in on that corner, but we did not walk past it, so I could not observe current progress. A young lady passed us going in the other direction and said, “Hi, puppies.” There were two rather adorable dogs across the street in front of the Post Office, so perhaps she was talking to them as well. Or maybe she thought I’d like to be a puppy, too. You never know, I might make a good one.

Meyers Park was especially pleasant with the trees and grass making it a little cooler. We went up the shadier side of Bellinger Street. Some people never cleaned off the mud during the flood so now there are thick patches of dirt on the sidewalks. At least it’s a little softer than bare pavement.

We enjoyed our walk. I had been hoping for a little more excitement, since I intended to write a blog post about it, but one must make do. Now to get ready for the program at the Historical Society, Wicked Mohawk Valley. I ought to fit right in.

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Is Help on the Way?

Posted on July 25, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Flood recovery in the Mohawk Valley continues. This being a topic of surpassing local concern, I dare to write about it, even though I cannot call it “totally fun,” as my subhead promises.

FEMA has deemed individuals in Central New York unworthy of federal aid. They are helping municipalities, which is something (do I mean “municipalities”? “Towns, counties, villages and cities” seemed cumbersome) (I suppose parenthetical comments also become cumbersome, but I gotta be me). Gov. Cuomo has declared that the state will step in and help. Yesterday’s adventure involved the first step in Steven’s and my search for this help.

Actually, one could say we had already taken a first step, because we have gotten in touch with our insurance company to get a statement from them saying we’re not covered. I felt a little silly bothering them. It seems to me one could look at our policy and see there’s no flood coverage. I have also been told, by people with flood insurance, that it does not cover basements, where our damages took place. Still, “everybody” said you needed the official statement. So I bothered them.

I also called FEMA, because somebody on the local news seemed to think it was a good idea. I talked to a nice young lady who told me there really wasn’t anything she could do for me, because there had not been a declaration or delegation or something saying individuals would be helped.

So much for 800 numbers. The state sent people out to help flood victims apply for state aid. Last night (Tuesday), Steven and I went to apply.

The people were going to be at Herkimer County Community College (HCCC) Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. We went Tuesday after work. I had been going to just change my shoes and go in all my blue collar glory, but I felt grubby so decided to shower first.

Then I had to figure out what to wear, never an easy task. My green capris pants were clean and comfortable; I only needed a shirt big enough to cover my fat ass. Usually a Hawaiian shirt fit the bill, but I felt a little silly going out with my begging bowl dressed for a party. Steven was changing into more respectable-looking shorts himself. I finally settled on my t-shirt from Living History Weekend at the Fort Herkimer Church.

Some readers may think it silly that I take up a whole paragraph on wardrobe, but I like to think I was sneaking in a little fun after all.

Handy signs directed us where to go on the HCCC campus. We signed in and were given a form to fill out. Soon we were called in to talk to somebody. A nice young man went over the form with us, answered our questions and explained what would happen next. Then we had an exit interview where they asked us how it went and did we have any suggestions for improvement.

The entire process was actually fairly quick and painless. I must confess as I was debating what shirt to wear, I was fairly dreading the ordeal ahead. I thought the lines would be long, the form would be longer and I just didn’t want to mess with it. It was really not at all bad.

I asked the lady at the exit interview if they were volunteers or paid. She said she worked for the state but had volunteered to do this instead of her regular work. As it extended beyond the normal workday, she was volunteering the extra time. I thought that was pretty cool.

So did I get any help, you may ask. Well, I don’t know yet. This was only step one. But I’ll keep you posted.

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