I have been writing the following in my head for a number of days now:
I look at my pile of dirty dishes and think, “This is what depression looks like.” I look at the unwashed laundry and think, “This is what depression looks like.” I lie down, unable to sleep yet do not get back up and do something and think, “This is what depression looks like.”
And when I think about typing that into a blog post, I think of readers who will say, “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself!” Sometimes I say it to myself. More often I just force myself to do something, anything. Wash a few dishes. Do one load of laundry. At least move some dirty clothes from the floor into a laundry basket.
Make a blog post.
That last is what I have emphatically NOT been able to do lately. What the hell, me?
Sign of spring, sight of hope?
I thought I should throw in a picture before I got too bogged down in discouragement. I found these crocuses in my back yard the other day and took a picture with my phone. I was happy to see them. Since I never raked up any leaves last fall, I wondered if any crocuses would be able to bloom.
Ooh, a deep metaphor just occurred to me: The un-raked leaves are my depression, and the crocuses are the little baby steps I take to try to help myself. Oh well, maybe it is not a deep metaphor, or even a particularly accurate one. My excuse for not raking the leaves is that I read somewhere that it is environmentally better: bugs, birds, etc. use leaves for shelter or something like that. I read it in a Facebook meme. No, I do not believe everything I read on the internet. Only when it provides a handy excuse for my own laziness, I suppose.
Funny thing: I am feeling a little more cheery now. The magic of writing something, anything? The act of using my brain to delineate a metaphor? Or just laughing at myself for getting so profound over my failure to rake a few leaves? As I have observed many times: It is not easy being me, but it is at least mildly entertaining. But once again, I thank you for tuning in to my little blog, and I will try for more regular and entertaining posts in the future.
