Tag Archives: writing

Scattered but Sick Saturday

Sorry, kids, but I feel like crap.  I’m going to give you a brief overview of my day, whine about my ills, and hit Publish.  That was your warning.  If you don’t want to listen to me whine, STOP READING NOW!!  SAVE YOURSELF!   (That last said in a sweeping dramatic tone with gesture, like the character in the disaster movie who sacrifices herself for others.) (I’m either taking myself pretty seriously here or else I’m being silly. You decide.)

I started this morning with Coffee and Conversation with a Cop at the First Baptist Church in Herkimer, NY.  This worthwhile community endeavor has been going on for a whole year now, and I support it wholeheartedly.  I intend to write a longer blog post about it. I had intended to do so today, but, well, shit happens.

Having eaten sweet yummy stuff at the church but not had breakfast, I was feeling a little upset of stomach.  I went home and had eggs,  thinking protein would counteract the sugar.  I guess it helped marginally.

I left the house shortly before noon, headed for Ilion Little Theatre (ILT).  I understood  that people would be working on the set for Lunch Hour starting at noon.  Lunch Hour, I believe I mentioned, is the first official offering of the ILT 2015-16 season.  I am stage manager.  Rehearsals have started and are going very well.  I chatted with the director about how well things are going, gave my opinion about a couple of set pieces under consideration, and other than that was not a whole lot of help.

That was when I started to feel like crap.  The lightheadedness that has plagued me lately came back.  I couldn’t handle it.  I went home.  After visiting with Steven when he came home for lunch (poor soul has to work most Saturdays), I took a nap.

And some more stupid stuff happened after I awoke, but never mind that now.  I am slowly becoming more open about admitting that I suffer from depression.  On the one hand, I think it is a good idea to become more open about these things, take away the stigma of mental illness, and encourage each other to seek help.  On the other hand, sometimes it feels like I am whining, asking for sympathy that I don’t necessarily deserve (although who can say what one truly deserves?  I’m asking seriously: who makes these rules? I’d like a word with them), or possibly seeking excuses to get less done than I might otherwise.

All that said, my depression has been making itself felt in full force for some time now.  Before I began this post, all I wanted to write was, “I am too depressed to write a post today.”  And look, I’m over 400 words.  I think I shall feel happy about that.  I hope you are all enjoying your Saturday.

 

Boy, Is My Face(book) Red!

I think my readers will be patient with me.  I think they understand that I am not a young woman and infinitely resilient (oh yeah, like I was EVER infinitely resilient).  Yes, friends, I am indulging in Wuss-out Wednesday.

I wrote earlier today, but it was not a blog post.  It was a letter to a friend.  I don’t know why, but I am really into writing letters these days.  I know, nobody writes letters, and they haven’t for years. Ah, here’s a blog topic:  communication between friends.

I remember when people were just starting to get computers and be online, distant friends would say to us, “Oh, I wish you had email.  I don’t write, but I EMAIL.”  So we got on a computer at Kinko’s (remember Kinko’s?) and got email.  Guess what?  Nobody really emails.  They just forward jokes.

And now there’s Facebook.  I know there are other things as well:  Twitter, Instagram, texting on cell phones, but I don’t know from technology.  I do like Facebook.

However, how much do people communicate via Facebook?  I personally enjoy the pictures of people’s kids and grandkids, fun activities, and even their yummy dinners.  I like when people post things like, “I just had a cup of coffee and now I’m going for a walk.”  I’m not so nuts about the cryptic posts:  “Oh, it’s such a big decision!”  “My whole life just changed.”  “Feeling sad/frustrated/angry/whatever.”  One day I posted, “Well, that really sucked,”  just to be that way.

All this by way of admitting:  I had time to log onto Facebook, check my notifications and read down a few statuses (I didn’t scroll as long as I would have LIKED to), but apparently I do not have time to write a decent blog post. I was about to say don’t judge, but, well, perhaps I deserve it (hanging my head in shame).

Here’s an idea for me:  I’m going to get a camera that can transfer pictures to WordPress (did I mention I don’t know from technology?) .  Then I can indulge in Wordless Wednesday instead.  Tune in again on Non-Sequitur Thursday, when Mohawk Valley Girl says, “In my defense, shut up!”

 

An Infinite Number of Blog Posts

I cannot continue to publish post after post about how busy and tired I am.  Or can I?

The fact is, I find that I can always write SOMETHING.  My time spent gazing at a blank page does not last very long.  Of course, I don’t always write what I wanted to write. I can’t say what percentage of the time I write something good (although my inner critic will offer an opinion).  But words on paper, I can usually provide.

I think this is a good thing.  If nothing else, I’m helping keep the pen and paper people in business.  Additionally, I have always said: writing begets more writing.  If I keep writing nonsense, I increase the chances that I sooner or later churn out something worthwhile.   Or is that the infinite number of monkeys theory?

Let’s talk about that theory.  Of course I often spoil sayings by taking them too literally.  It’s kind of a hobby of mine.

The saying goes — and I’m not sure what the point is — that if you have an infinite number of monkeys bouncing around on an infinite number of typewriters, you will eventually get all of Shakespeare (it’s kind of an old saying; who uses a typewriter any more?).

Excuse me, what?  Leaving aside the infinite aspect of the situation (which makes it one of those impossible hypotheticals which I loathe), how exactly does this work?  Will the plays magically appear amidst the gibberish?  Or is it like a seek-a-word puzzle, you cross out all extraneous letters?  That might be fun.  Let’s try it.  Here I go, randomly hitting keys…

lkwhnfndbnb  b nmae,juisnb  oakn mblm jbiam  ,elmjhbun cvnvefn  g  kvjuiH.

I think it would take a damn long time to get “To be or not to be” out of that.  Do we also have an infinite amount of time in the saying?

As I said a few paragraphs ago, I’m not sure what the point is.  Perhaps some didactic type could explain it to me.  In the meantime, I’m up to over 300 words of this nonsense.  I’m going to call it a post.  Happy Tuesday, folks.

 

Post then Play

Oh SWELL!  I’ve got the dreaded Type It In And Backspace It Out disease!

I grit my teeth and somehow keep from erasing that sentence.  Oh this is bad!  On the brighter side, it is Lame Post Friday.  I think we’re all expecting something foolish, so here it is.

I just sat here looking at the blank space and wondering what to put next.  So far, I got nuthin’.  In my defense, I have a play to do tonight.  I have to fix my hair, brush my teeth, get my stuff together, put the right clothes on… I already looked over my lines twice today.  Perhaps a third time would be better…

For anyone just tuning in, the play is Roxy, presented by the Herkimer County Historical Society at Ilion Little Theatre.  We opened last weekend.  We close this weekend.  Three more performances!  We sold out last weekend, and we have already sold out for this weekend.  People seem to like us.

However, I have a blog post to make.  A Friday Lame Post.  Traditionally on Lame Post Friday, I indulge in random observations and half-baked philosophy, so here it is:  At work today, I looked out the window and saw the dog that lives in a house across the street.  I said, “There’s that good dog.”  And that is also my philosophical observation for the day, I like to think that all dogs are good.  Discuss amongst yourselves.  I have to go get ready for my play.

 

 

And Another Thing About That Play…

I thought of that headline yesterday.  Then I did not write a blog post yet today.

Tonight is dress rehearsal.  I don’t like the shoes I found for my character, but the rest of my costume is very nice.  We have two ladies working very hard to make everybody’s costume right. I think they are doing a marvelous job.

I’m sorry, I’m a little distracted right now.  I got mandated for overtime at work so am pressed for time.  I have about an hour to finish this, get in the shower, fix my hair, put in my contacts, get all my stuff together, and get to rehearsal.  I looked over my lines once today.  Perhaps twice would be better.  Oh dear.

On the brighter side, it is Non-Sequitur Thursday during All Roxy All The Time Week.  What could be better than a little disjointed babbling about the play?  Oh, I know, a lot of things could be better.  Only I did not write any of them earlier and I can’t seem to write them right now.

Our rehearsal last night went pretty good.  The dialogue in one of my scenes got messed up.  The other actor in the scene and I had not noticed, but the stage manager pointed it out to us.  After the scene we were both still a little puzzled about what went wrong.  Imagine my chagrin earlier today as I was looking over my lines and realized it was MY screw-up.  Everybody thinks I am so good at learning lines!  I’m mortified!

Then again, that is the excitement of live theatre.  Somebody might screw up.  It might be me.

Right now I must get in the shower. Otherwise, even if I do know all my lines, I still might stink up the stage.  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

Cruise to Forehead to Halloween Movies

Oh, nobody thought I really wasn’t going to have Wrist to Forehead Sunday, did they?  In fact, my wrist is not on my forehead, even figuratively; I am having a delightful day.  The only thing to bring me down is the realization that I am not writing.  What kind of writer doesn’t write?  A BAD writer!

Well, there is no point in getting all down on myself.  The operative thing to do,of course, is to write.  It might be better if I rough drafted something on paper and then posted it, but I really would like to get back to the movie-watching, hanging-out-with-husband portion of the day as soon as possible.

Last night Steven and I attended the last Rock the Canal event sponsored by Erie Canal Cruises.  We took a one-hour attitude adjustment cruise followed by a free concert on the waterfront.  It was the first Erie Canal Cruise we took, although we have been meaning to take one for years.

The boat left at 5:30.  We had reservations so had to be there by five.  We whiled away the time before the 5:15 boarding by browsing the retail stores at Gems Along the Mohawk.  I pointed out a few things Steven could buy me.  I’m helpful that way.

The cruise was very enjoyable.   We saw the dredging operation and the Fort Herkimer Church.  The captain was knowledgeable and had a good sense of humor.  He did not narrate the whole time, which I liked.  I enjoy to stroll around, looking at the views from different parts of the boat.  We drank white wine and chatted with different people.  I like that too.

Back at the dock, we went into the Waterfront Grille for some food.  We sat at the bar and ordered appetizers, another favorite thing for us to do.  Then we went outside and listened to the band, Hot Roxx, for a while.  I danced up a storm.  Unfortunately I was about the only one doing so, although I made a spirited attempt to get others to join in.  I fear I have a distressing tendency to try to be the life of the party.  I like to think people were laughing with me not at me.

As you may guess, I am feeling pretty tired after my exertions.  However, Labor Day weekend in well known as the start of the Halloween season (at least at my house it is), so I am somehow mustering enough energy to watch some Halloween movies.  We began with Creature from the Black Lagoon and are continuing with Dracula (the one with Bela Lugosi, of course).

What I am saying is, it is by way of being a delightful weekend for me.  I have now written over 400 words.  I shall follow up with some commentary in the TV Journal.  Who says I’m a bad writer?  Oh yeah, I said that.  Well, never mind. Happy Sunday, everyone.

 

The Only Thing To Do Is Keep Writing

I purposefully did not bring scripts or cryptogram puzzles to work, because like Return of the Modern Philosopher, on Mondays I write. At least, that is what I told myself when I packed my work bag this morning. I had a feeling even then that it would not work out as planned and, well, here we are.

It’s even worse than I thought.  As I wrote that last paragraph I felt pleased with it.  It’s getting to the point where the go-to topic for this blog is Not Writing.  SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!

I was about to say, “The only thing to do about it is …”  when I realized I have in fact a few different options. Perhaps I could write about them and make this an acceptable Monday Mental Meanderings post.

I could take a break from writing entirely.  That might re-charge my batteries.  However, past experience has shown that complete breaks tend to have the opposite effect on me.

I could force myself to try to write on other topics or projects.  While this often leads to long periods of staring at a blank page, sometimes it works.

A related approach which works even better is to give myself permission to begin a new project.  Few things are easier for me than to begin an entirely new project.  I write notes and notes as ideas seem to tumble out of my pen. It is great fun.  The problem with this approach is — you guessed it — it leads to any number of uncompleted projects as beginning them is much easier than continuing and eventually finishing them.

My original thought was the thing to do is to continue writing whatever I can write and hope to segue over into something more useful as time goes on.  This is my usual approach and hence my automatic thought of it as the only thing to do.

There are other little tricks:  Switching mediums — that is, stop writing and try typing.  Can’t do that right now;  I’m at work with my trusty spiral notebook and ballpoint pen.  Thus, related techniques such as changing locations, changing clothes, putting on music, and drinking tea are likewise ineligible.

I can’t think of any other little tricks offhand, but I see I have accumulated a few paragraphs already that might in fact make a blog post.  Cool.

I know, I will go back to my first-mentioned technique and modify it:  Instead of forcing myself to do anything, I shall gently lead myself to another project and write just a sentence or two.  No pressure, they can be lousy sentences, just see what comes out.  Astute readers (as I”m sure YOU are) will have noticed that I have also incorporated my most often used technique:  I kept writing and now hope to make the segue.  Or is it more of a leap?  No matter, whatever it is, I am going to turn the page and see what happens.

Update:  After I wrote the above I turned the page and wrote a new scene on my novel.  I believe it moved the plot along, incorporating an element which I had introduced earlier but neglected.  Full disclosure:  it may have been a lousy scene.  The important thing is I wrote it. Now to write something else…

 

Toot My Horn Tuesday

So there I was on Facebook, stalling starting my blog post, because I am feeling tired and stupid, and I discovered that three years ago today, I posted the following:

I don’t always have to kill two birds with one stone.  I have plenty of stones, although I rarely throw them on account of living in a glass house.

I was rather pleased with that.  It was not my favorite thing I’ve ever said.  My favorite thing I’ve ever said is, “I said that?  I’m witty.”  Reflecting on this, I shared my post from three years ago, adding as a comment the remark about being witty.

It is sad but true (and I’m really not sad about it) that I like my own writing.  Sometimes I come across something I wrote a long time ago, and I read it and say, “Hey, this is pretty good.  Why didn’t I finish this one?”  I don’t always think I’m wonderful, of course.  Sometimes I think, “Well, that’s an embarrassing cliche”  or “That’s pretty self-indulgent” or even “What the hell was I thinking?”  But a lot of the time it’s more like, “Hey, that’s OK.”

What does that make this, Big Fat Ego Tuesday?  Blow My Own Horn Tuesday?  No, no Toot My Horn Tuesday.  That has a little bit of alliteration.  You know much I love alliteration.  At any rate, it makes a break from whining about how I just can’t write a decent blog post today.  I hope to see you on Wednesday, when I hope not to Wuss Out.

 

Making Time on Monday

Sorry, folks, it’s Wrist to Forehead Monday.  Maybe Tired Monday, although that doesn’t really have a ring to it.  I’m too tired for either Mental Meanderings or Middle-aged Musings.  I have no reason to feel so tired, but there it is.

I think one thing that is making me tired is that I am not writing, and I am damn tired of not being able to write.  All I have written today is less than a page on a letter to a friend.  And I was not particularly witty or interesting on that.  I had some great ideas on how to progress on my novel on Friday but have had no chance so far to implement them.  Oh, I know, real writers make time.

OK, hold it right there. Nobody can MAKE time.  We all have 24 hours in a day.  All the time management in the world will not make it 25 or even 24 hours and 6 minutes.

However, one can TAKE time.  The time you were using to do X can instead be used to do Y.  No, I’m not going to list all the crap I’ve been doing instead of writing, but, yes, it does involve cable television.  I’m fond of saying “don’t judge,” but in this case I’ll say go ahead and judge me, because I have not taken the time to write.

The nice thing about Monday, though, is that is the beginning of the week. I have the whole rest of the week to change my evil ways and write more.  Will I succeed?  You’ll read about it here if I do.  Happy Monday, everyone.

 

The Heat Is Already Wet

Well, this is embarrassing, although I suppose I should be used to it by now.  I ended yesterday’s post with a silly prediction that I would be explaining once again why I could not write a decent post.  I was kidding!  I meant to write a good post!  I really did!

However, it is a well-known fact that shit happens.  And sometimes doesn’t happen.  In this case what did not happen was my brain functioning.  I’m going to blame it on the continuing heat and humidity, which I had not expected.  At least, I had not expected it to be so bad.  I thought yesterday was supposed to be the worst day.  I thought we were supposed to get thunderstorms at some point which would cool things off.  Another cruel hoax by the weather people!

I really can’t spend another post complaining about being uncomfortable, so I will share one of Steven’s and my movie memories.  One of our favorite hot weather movies is Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window.  In this movie, it is very important to the plot that the city is in the middle of a terrible heat wave.  In the middle of one night it rains.  The next day, the wonderful Thelma Ritter (one of our all-time MOST favorite actresses) says, “You’d think the rain would have cooled things off.  All it did was make the heat wet.”

Steven and I often use that line, or variations of it, when it rains.  Unfortunately, it has not rained yet, and the heat is already wet.

In the meantime, it is, indeed Wuss-out Wednesday, and I have rehearsal for Roxy is less than an hour (I did mention the play I’m in,  didn’t I?  I’ll no doubt write even more about it as time goes on).  What will I come up with for Non-Sequitur Thursday?  Time will tell.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.