Category Archives: commentary

Running through the Window

Posted on October 5, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Does that give you a dramatic image of a triumphant crashing through glass?  I’m afraid it isn’t quite like that.  However, I ran today and thought a Sunday Running Commentary might make a nice post.

Regular readers know I have been having the damnedest time getting back into running, which is a little ridiculous considering how much I love to run.  Well, I’ve been busy with community theatre commitments (as you may have read my blog posts about), dealing with physical problems (long story, not very interesting), and my ever-present depression.

Lately I have been more comfortable talking about my depression.  Part of me cringes when I bring it up, though, because, I think about those nay-sayers (some of whom, I admit, live in my own head) who think it’s not a real thing.

“Put on your big girl panties!” they say (I talked about that heinous expression in yesterday’s post). Also,  “Snap out of it!”  “Quit feeling sorry for yourself.”  “Get over it!”  “Just do something.”

That last bit of advice is actually a good one.  It has been widely observed that doing something, almost anything, will often alleviate depression.  It is also a widely observed fact that those of us suffering from depression often feel we cannot manage anything further than staying in bed and pulling the covers further up over our heads (that is, our respective heads in our respective beds; if we were all in bed together, well, I leave that up to your imagination).

What I have found for myself is that it does NOT work to just force myself to do something.  Grit-teeth determination only gives me a sore jaw.  Beating myself up only makes me feel worse (although I am really good at it, so that ought to give a boost to my self-esteem).  I have to sort of back into these things.  For example, I can’t say to myself, “I HAVE to run.  I MUST run. I OUGHT TO run.  I SHOULD run.”  I sit home and stew over these exhortations.  However, if  I say, “It would be a good idea if I ran,”  I often find myself in my running gear and going.

I ran on Wednesday using these tactics.  I felt so good about myself.  I wrote a blog post about it on Thursday, which never got typed in and published due to computer glitches (perhaps you read my Non-Sequitur Thursday post about that) (I suppose I could publish it next week, suitably introduced).  Then I did not run Thursday, Friday or Saturday, and felt predictably disgusted with myself over it.

Oh the vicious cycle:  too depressed to run, not running making me even more depressed.  Then I logged onto WordPress to see a picture of muscular running legs on Return of the Modern Philosopher, a blogger I often read.  I scrolled down and read some other blogs.  I could not bear to read about someone else’s running triumphs.  I read some earlier posts instead, making comments as I like to do.

Of course in one of his posts, the Philosopher talked about running.  I made some silly comment, he replied. I logged on and off WordPress as the day wore on, to be confronted by those legs again and again.  Hmmm…

This morning I slept in, decided that I would walk today and ease back into running.  I got up, made coffee, got on the computer.  Now, I did not make coffee yesterday.  I am on my own for the weekend, because my nice husband, who makes the coffee I like best, is visiting his family.  I had tea.  Later in the day I heated up some day-old coffee that was still in the pot (I know, some of you are saying, “EW!” while others are nodding, “Yeah, I’ve done that.”).  This morning I wanted some fresh-brewed goodness.

Logging back into WordPress, I made a few more comments and replies, saw those legs again, drank my coffee and pondered my fate.  Finally I looked up and said, “Oh, I’m going to go running now.”

This is unusual for me.  Normally I run as soon as I get out of bed or home from work or not at all.  Those are my three choices.  I guess sometimes I go at other times, though, and today was one of them.

I did not get any of them there endorphins I hear so much about, BUT I felt terrific from the moment I started till the moment I finished.  I was just so proud of myself that I got out there and did it.  Why in the world did I wait so long?  Perhaps the euphoria was the result of my first real cup of coffee in two days.  I don’t care.  I’ll take my good moods however I can get them.

I pondered the vicious cycle I mentioned earlier, and I realized something.  In the prison of depression (just to choose a really dramatic metaphor), I can’t break through the ever-thickening walls.  I can’t beat up the guards to break free (the guards being those nay-sayers that live in my head, I guess).  But every so often, a small window opens, and I can sneak through that window.

So remember that, any of you who suffer from depression or just a little blue mood, and I shall try to remember it myself:  watch for the window.  When one opens, sneak through it out into the sunshine and fresh air.  I hope to see you there.

 

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Mature Woman Undergarments?

Posted on October 4, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is a well-known fact that if you spend too much time talking about your troubles they only get worse.  For one reason, people get tired of listening to you.  Then instead of sympathy you get eye rolls and, worse yet, advice.  And the longer you have been complaining, the less sympathetic the advice becomes, especially from the people that were not all that sympathetic to begin with.

The preceding paragraph was me trying to talk myself out of having Wrist to Forehead Saturday.  It is just about reaching the point (if it hasn’t already) when somebody tells me to put on my big girl panties, which is quite the confusing mental image, if you ask me.

In the first place, my panties as well as most of my clothes, have gotten smaller ever since I went on the South Beach Diet (not as small as I would like them to be, but let’s not open that can of worms). Oh, I know, by “big girl” they mean “grown woman,” and they don’t mean a growing waistline.  I wish they would say what they mean.

Additionally, at whatever size, “panties” does not conjure up images of toughness and the ability to handle things. I almost never call them “panties” anyways; I call them underwear.  In fact, they come in all shapes and sizes.  You’ve got your briefs, your hip-huggers, your bikinis and your thongs.  I suppose any of them could be “panties,” although the word brings to my mind the cute, lacy ones.  You try leaving the house wearing nothing but lacy underwear and see how far it gets you!

And another thing, what is with “girl”?  Shouldn’t that be “woman”?  It has been a sore point with feminists everywhere that in our language at least,  females remain “girls” throughout adulthood while males cease being “boys” and become “men” at least at some point.  At least when you’re talking about them; how some of them act is another can of worms we will leave for another day.

So, did we all enjoy that?  I started out to whine and instead dissected a commonly (over)used phrase.  I can’t help feeling I could make this a better post with a little more time, thought and effort, but, well, we’ve talked about the daily posting thing before.  We’ll just have to live with this one as is.

As a final note, and because I often over-share:  I’m trying to put off doing laundry for a little longer, so today I’m going commando.

 

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Undeserved Lame Time

Posted on July 25, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I almost always have Lame Post Friday, even when it is not a “real” Friday for me due to overtime on Saturday (love that overtime check, hate getting up early on a Saturday, DON’T tell me I have nothing to complain about!).  Lame Post Friday, in case you’ve forgotten, is my time for random observations and half-baked philosophy.  I actually had some half-baked philosophy earlier this evening.  Let’s see if I can remember it.

I hate it when you say you do something and somebody else says, “I don’t have TIME for that” for whatever reason.  Doesn’t it make you feel like a huge slacker with loads of undeserved leisure time?  Oh, don’t tell me that nobody can “make” me feel a certain way, we are not having that discussion today.

The fact is, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. Perhaps  I do use those hours to my best advantage.  But I don’t need anybody telling me that!  That’s rude!

Oh, I know, the “I don’t have time” person said nothing about ME, why am I taking it so personally?  Still, I can’t help feeling that they are drawing an unflattering comparison.   This could be a whole other discussion about people saying things and putting it all on you if you feel offense.  “I didn’t say anything about YOU!”  Oh yeah, right.  I don’t think we should abdicate responsibility for our implications (how’s that for a fancy turn of phrase?).

Full disclosure:  I went to a wine tasting at Ilion Wine and Spirits before I wrote this.  I had a very good time and intend to write a blog post about the winery who hosted the tasting.

Right now, however, I have to begin the relaxing portion of my evening prior to going to bed and getting enough rest for tomorrow’s overtime.  I hope to also have a couple of Mohawk Valley adventures after work.  I hope you’re all having a lovely Friday.

 

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NOT Tired of Being in Plays

Posted on July 22, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

This will be a Tired Tuesday post.  Except that I CAN’T be tired, I have to go to rehearsal!  For the sake of anybody just tuning in, I am in the play Roxy, at Ilion Little Theatre.

I spent my breaks at work going over my lines and I seem to know them pretty well. I have something of a reputation for learning all my lines pretty quickly (I know,  you thought I was going to say I had a different kind of a reputation, oh you of dirty mind)  (you know who you are).  I hate to disappoint people.

It isn’t just a generic people-pleasing thing, though. I could do a whole other blog post about being a people pleaser  (which I don’t think I am,  judging from the number of people who are none too pleased with me most of the time) and whether or not that is a good thing, but that’s not really the dynamic at work here.

I strive to be the sort of cast member that directors, backstage people, and other cast members like to work with.   For one reason, it makes things a lot more comfortable if nobody’s mad at you.  More to the point, it makes a better play, because the sort of cast member most people like working with is the one who helps make it a better play.

Oh, I can see some of you raising your hands, ready to share with me stories about this or that sonofabitch who you wanted to KILL during rehearsals nonetheless came through and made it the best show ever.  The important thing, you are ready to sniff, is not whether or not you get along.  The important thing is can you ACT?  (You may or may not say “ACT” with a gesture.)

I would argue that theatre is a collaborative art.  We produce the best plays when we work well together.  Additionally, this is community theatre.  We are doing it for fun and for love of theatre.  Of course we want to put on the best plays possible (what fun is it to be in a turkey?), but why make the process harder by working with sonsofbitches?

So I try not to be a sonofabitch.  I learn my lines.  In fact, I’d better go look them over again before tonight’s rehearsal.

 

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Name Brand Lame

Posted on July 4, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Is it Lame Post Friday or a Blogger’s Sick Day?  I feel really bad, too, because I had some good topics to write about.  Only I can’t seem to write today.  I can’t even read, if that gives you any indication (and it should).  Oh dear, now it is turning into Wrist to Forehead Friday.  Oh poor, pitiful me!

Um, those last two lines were me making fun of me.  Nobody has to chime in with any unkind remarks, unless such behavior is essential to your own health and well-being.

I woke up with a headache today.  I did not think it was too bad at first, but it escalated.  Still not too worried, I took some Equate Migraine Relief (just a little gratuitous product placement) and a nap.  I have spent the rest of the day fairly headache-free but SO LIGHTHEADED!  It sucks to be me!

On the brighter side, that parenthetical comment gave me a topic to expound upon at least briefly.  Product placement is often derided on movies and television.  Some people believe the producers are merely sucking up extra bucks from the manufacturers of those products.  We, the poor hapless viewers, are tricked into watching high quality commercials which will no doubt hypnotize us into purchasing said products.

However,  it seems to me that to NOT have the products placed is to take away from the realism of the scene.  For example, when was the last time you walked into a bar and ordered “a beer”? Nobody does that!  They ask for a Labatt’s or a Heinekin.  They might possibly say, “What do you have on tap?”  but they expect to hear specific brands listed and to pick one.

The fact is we are a brand name society.    Some people drive the same make of car for decades.  Others are intensely loyal to a certain brand of sneakers.  And there is the tendency to mix up brand with product, as in calling tissues “Kleenex” and photocopies “xeroxes.”

Oh, I know, many people eschew brand names and are proud to do so.  My Equate pills are, of course, a store brand, which are cheaper than the Excedrin they imitate.  I purchase store brands in many of my favorite foods.

It raises an interesting question.  Which is better?  When are you paying for just the name?  I have long threatened to have a party where I serve two of every refreshment, one name brand, one store brand and solicit comment.  You know, one dip with Crowley Sour Cream and Lipton Onion Soup Mix, one with Hannaford versions of same, served with store and name chips, of course.  The advantage of this, of course, is I’ll have twice the chips and dip.  I do love chips and dip.

My running shoes have been name brand for years.  I wear different brands, but I haven’t worn a non-name since I started to enjoy running in the army.  My non-running shoes have been… whatever I happen to pick up at a good price.

How about you, dear readers?  Are you loyal to any brands or do you proudly purchase whatever is cheapest?  Do you perceive a difference in quality?  Do you feel a blogger like me should refrain from making lame posts when feeling light-headed from non-name over the counter drugs?  Are you having a nice Friday?

Mine has been intermittently enjoyable.

 

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Curse You, Noah Webster!

Posted on May 19, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Whether I call it Monday Middle-aged Musings or Monday Mental Meanderings, today’s is going to be a foolish post.  I don’t know what it is with Mondays, but I am always so tired at the end of the day.  Perhaps it is the onset of middle age, which makes the former title more appropriate.  No matter.  My plan right now is to type in a few paragraphs then attempt to do at least one more useful thing before retiring to bed in self-pitying tears.

 

Just kidding.  I won’t cry and I am not feeling sorry for myself.  If anything, I feel bad for my blog readers, who may be looking for something a little more… shall we say, coherent.  However, if that is the case, the blogosphere is wide and varied.  Surely a blog reader can find something to please.

 

Here’s something interesting:  my computer seems to think blogosphere is not a word.  Perhaps I have it misspelled.  My Random House Webster’s College Dictionary is within reach, but I fear it was published before “blog” was a word, let along “blogosphere.”  I used to have a friend who enjoyed looking in older dictionaries and laughing about words that were missing.  “Computer” is the only example I can think of, unfortunately.

 

I just checked; “blog” is not in my dictionary.  “Computer” is, of course.  Now that I think of it, I don’t see why “computer” would not be in any dictionary.  According to this one, the word “compute” dates from 1630 to 1640, as does “computer,” which means “one that computes.”  Perhaps my memory is at fault and my friend was laughing at the outdated definitions.

 

And that brings up one thing that really annoys me.  Remember in school, when you had to write definitions of words and  you could NOT use a form of that word in your definition?  For example, if the word was “computer” and you put “one that computes,” you would get marked wrong and the teacher would probably say something rude and belittling (my teachers were not big on building self-esteem).  AND WHAT DID THE DICTIONARY JUST DO???  Curse you, Noah Webster!

 

I believe I have now been sufficiently foolish, and I am over 350 words.  I call that a respectable blog post.  I hope to see you lovely people again on Tuesday.

 

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Too Sick to Type Anything Good

Posted on April 8, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I called in sick to work today, and I am taking a Bloggers’ Sick Day. On the one hand, you might think I would not have to. After all, I spent the day sleeping and trying to hydrate (a doctor told me the body can ride out many things if it just stays hydrated). One might think I would be feeling better enough to write something decent (wait a minute, would this be one of those hypothetical people we discussed yesterday? Never mind). It has often been observed, I can’t do anything about what other people think about me.

I am feeling marginally better. I woke up in the night with dreadful insomnia. After striving NOT to toss and turn for a couple of hours, my stomach started in. I’ll spare you a blow by blow of my sufferings, but it was bad. I am a HUGE baby when I am sick, and this was worse than my usual sinus, headache, light-headed things that I seem to spend so much time complaining about. One thing about intense nausea, when it finally goes away, I feel SO HAPPY! When the headache goes away, too, my life will be perfect.

Being sick makes for quite the boring day. Sleep felt good when I finally got some, but I couldn’t sleep all day. I read a little, but my head didn’t like that. I thought about turning on the TV but couldn’t quite make up my mind to (indecisiveness is often another symptom of these illnesses). I got on Facebook, but all I could think of was this other (terrible) job I had. A guy had called in sick, and the boss said, “But he was on Facebook this morning.” I was not even on Facebook at the time, but I remember thinking, “Oh, come on, to sit in front of the computer and maybe hit a few keys, you can do that with your head in your hands feeling awful. Getting stuff done at work, not so much.”

This morning, I wondered if any of my Facebook work friends would say, “She can’t be too sick; she was on Facebook.” So I made sure I posted how awful I was feeling. Then I felt guilty, because other people have far worse illnesses than mine (see above statement about me being a baby). Then I got off Facebook, because my head was hurting again.

My husband just looked over and said, “It sounds like you’re saying more than, ‘I’m taking a blogger’s sick day.'” Thus proving my point that you can type in dire circumstances. However, as the late, great Truman Capote once said, “That’s not writing, that’s typing.”

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Hypothetically Blogging

Posted on April 7, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’ve got it! Monday Mental Meanderings. This is my new feature. It replaces Monday Middle-aged Musings, which I have mentioned I don’t particularly like. But who could dislike mental meanderings? Oh, I suppose somebody could. Well, that unpleasant hypothetical person does not have to read this.

Here’s a contradiction I just noticed about myself. I hate hypothetical questions yet I constantly have conversations with hypothetical critics. I say they are imaginary conversations (usually arguments) with people in my head (or is that conversations in my head with imaginary people?), but I’m pretty sure they are also hypothetical. Wait a minute. I was just about to embark on a diatribe against hypothetical questions when it occurred to me that I may have already published such a thing. A pause while I check.

A cursory check of past posts revealed nothing. So I continue. I hate hypothetical questions because they usually assume the impossible. “Your house is on fire. All family and pets are saved. You have time to go back and save one object. What do you save?” That’s RIDICULOUS! You don’t go back into a burning house and save one object! That’s asking for death! “Yeah,” says the questioner, “but if you could?”

“YOU CAN’T!!!” I repeat.

Then there’s my favorite (I can’t believe I never put this in a blog post before, but I don’t mind repeating myself): “If you could invite any three people, living or dead to dinner, who would you invite?” For God’s sake, I can’t invite three people who live in this town to dinner and count on them all being able to make it on the same night, never mind the Nobel prize winners or movie stars people usually answer this question with. However, my answer to the question is, “I would invite three dead people, because they wouldn’t eat too much. They also wouldn’t talk too much. It is a well-known fact that dead men tell no tales.”

BUT, one may argue, what if somebody asked you a hypothetical question that did NOT assume the impossible?

Waaaait a minute! Did a hypothetical person just ask me a hypothetical question? I just told you, Homey don’t play that!

Here is a non-hypothetical question: What does anybody think about Monday Mental Meanderings?

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Almost Perfect

Posted on April 6, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I preface this post by saying that I have just had a lovely day. I had a fun visit with some of my family, ate a wonderful dinner, and now I am home relaxing with my husband and dog. It is the bra off, sweats on portion of the day. The only thing lacking in my day is to hit Publish on my blog post. Then my life will be perfect.

That is something I am fond of saying, “And then my life will be perfect.” I seem to think I coined the phrase one morning in the army. I was still an IET soldier (Initial Entry Trainee), when they made you do all kinds of ridiculous things. On this morning we had to be in Class B uniforms, standing outside in the cold for an interminable length of time. Class B meant skirt, pantyhose and pumps (although I could and later did wear comfy flat tie shoes with the skirt) (there are pants for female Class B as well; I don’t remember if they specifically told us to wear the skirts or if I just could not be bothered to keep my shirt, belt and fly straight on the pants).

Where was I? Ah yes, standing out in an unusually cold day (Monterrey, California was usually a pretty straight 70 degrees), with my toes becoming numb. Cadre was ignoring us but not dismissing us to class, and we were muttering to each other under our breath. I did not want to sound like a big fat whiner (I know, that’s what I pretty much am, but sometimes I don’t want to sound that way), so I said, “If I could take off my shoes and rub my feet for thirty seconds, my life would be perfect.”

Now I know, my life will never be PERFECT. But, really, doesn’t that sound much better than, “My toes are so cold I think I will cry”? So I know I will not have a perfect Sunday. Yet, I hope to avoid my usual Wrist to Forehead Sunday. For one reason, I feel somehow not right having a Wrist to Forehead Sunday on Easter. However, we all know I am rarely up to writing a real post on a Sunday. Also on the Wrist to Forehead side of the scale, holiday or not, I have to work tomorrow. I fight, fight, fight the urge to jump on the Monday Sucks, Everything Sucks bandwagon, but, well, let’s just say, Sunday is not always the thrill I am hoping for.

Back to the Life is Almost Perfect side of the scale, I see I am over 400 words. A more than respectable post! I shall soon hit Publish! Everything will be delightful (that is another favorite expression of mine).

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Come on, Spring!

Posted on April 5, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

Technically, Saturday Running Commentary could come back today, but I don’t feel like writing about that run. I ran in place on the mini-tramp, because it was raining and snowing. I watched the rest of that silent movie The Monster that I was watching before (took me three runs to see the whole thing) (and I’m still not clear on who the titular monster was). It continued to precipitate on and off for the rest of the morning, with the wind whistling in an alarming fashion (I always worry somebody will come along and drop a house on me) (it happened to a sister of mine once; long story), so I drove to the post office instead of taking my usual walk with Tabby. This afternoon, however, the sun came out and I thought I would give it a try and perhaps write a Pedestrian Post.

I hid upstairs while I changed sneakers, so Tabby would not get too excited too soon. Of course that merely delayed the inevitable. She was jumping and barking long before I was done puttering around looking for hat, gloves and poop bags. At last we were on our way.

The sidewalks were almost completely bare and dry. I reminded myself to appreciate that and not repine over the dropping temperature. For heavens’ sake, it was in the 60s yesterday. Did it have to drop all the way into the 30s? I kept telling myself it was above freezing, resolutely refusing to speculate on what temperature the windchill was inducing. Tabby did not seem to notice anything but trotted along happily, stopping many times to sniff.

We headed down Bellinger Street toward Meyers Park, Tabby leading the way. I looked around, testing my theory that sunshine makes anything look better. I suppose it does, but I am tired of seeing brown grass and bare trees. Courage, I told myself. Things will grow eventually. At least a lot of the snow is melting. Of course, one effect of that is a lot of old dog poo is appearing. I tried to keep Tabby from sniffing it. “You know what poo smells like,” I tell her. Oh, I know, she probably smells a lot more variation that I do.

Every once in a while the wind would completely die out and I would feel warm sunshine. It never lasted long, but it gave me hope. However, soon the wind started whipping more coldly and my sinuses were not happy. I persevered, because Tabby was so obviously enjoying herself. Also, I must admit, the walk felt good on my legs. I do love to walk. I tried to concentrate on that and ignore the wind. It helps that I have a sweet, cute dog. I look at her trotting along and I feel better about everything.

As we approached home I saw some shoots coming out of the dirt at a neighbor’s house. Yes! Something growing! That makes three houses where I have observed signs of life. It was really not a bad walk, but I sure did appreciate a cup of hot tea when I got home.

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