Category Archives: humor

I Did NOT Get a Christmas Present!

Today after leaving work, I stopped by the Ilion Farmer’s Market at Clapsaddle Farm on Otsego Street, in Ilion, NY.   I was looking for… well, never mind what I was looking for.  It was NOT a Christmas present.  All I purchased was… never mind.  It’s not important.  It was NOT a Christmas present.

Folk artist Jim Parker, who owns Clapsaddle Farm and runs the farmers’ market, was the only one there.  He said he sent the vendors home, because it was too cold for them.  He was sticking close to the wood stove himself.  I did not take too look with my shopping.

I looked over the display of prints from postcards made by Ellen Clapsaddle many years ago.  I also looked over the Jim Parker prints.  I discovered a new one, of the back of a couple of buildings overlooking the canal.  I know exactly where that building is.  I love it!  I complimented Jim on it.

He said he had enjoyed painting it and there was a story behind it.  He painted the buildings in hopes that somebody would see the picture, get inspired, and restore the buildings.  Both buildings have been purchased and are being fully restored.  Jim confessed that he didn’t know if it was the painting that had inspired it, but…

“It didn’t hurt,” I said.

I love that little farmers’ market, and I love Jim Parkers’ art.  They are open Fridays and Saturdays year round at 437 Otsego St., Rt. 51 South, in Ilion.  For more information, you can visit their Facebook page, Parker’s Historic Cider Mill and Farmers Market.

 

Large Weather We’re Having Lately

So winter came back to the Mohawk Valley and it came with a vengeance!  I have never been so glad that I work a mere eight minute drive from home.  Oh who am I kidding?   love working so close to home each and every day, I’ll never get over it.  Be that as it may, I am home.  If only my dear husband was also home, my life would be perfect.

In the meantime, I need to make a blog post.  I hate having a Non-Sequitur Thursday after I just had a Wuss-out Wednesday and there is every chance that tomorrow will indeed be Lame Post Friday.  But here you have it.  I am tired.

When I got home, I first took my dog, Spunky, for a short business meeting.  I can’t say it was a walk, because he does not go far in this weather.  In his defense, he is a very small dog with a very short haircut.  I put his coat on him, but a coat can only help so much.  After he had done his business and I got him back inside and dried off (as best as I could get him with a towel), I went back outside and shoveled the driveway.

I felt somewhat ineffective, with the snow still pouring down on me, trying to move what had fallen so far.  There was not a whole lot to move, but I thought if I took out what was there, it might at least help.  And it gave me some exercise.  Back and forth, up and down the driveway I walked, pushing show.  Every so often I stopped and tossed a shovelful to one side or the other.   I also cleared the sidewalk in front of the house, although not quite as widely as the village sidewalk plow had done it earlier.  I’ll just take another opportunity to deplore the pedestrians I often see walking down the road when there is a perfectly good sidewalk (please don’t justify yourself if this is you; you will not convince me).

So here is my blog post for the day.  If only I could think of a punchy headline, all might not be lost.  Then again, if the headline is as dull as the blog post, at least it is truth in advertising.  I will try to come up with something better tomorrow.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

We Can’t All Be the Grinch

My house is back online, just in time for Wuss-out Wednesday.  Instead of sitting at Basloe Library (a perfectly wonderful place to be, but I have to wear a bra and shoes ) I am lounged on my couch.  But it is still Wuss-out Wednesday.  My brain is dead.  My body is not doing much better, but my purpose is not to complain but to blog, possibly to entertain.  At least I may entertain myself.  That’s something.

Steven is watching The Year Without a Santa Claus.  Yay, Snow Miser and Heat Miser!  Did anybody here Big Bad Voodoo Daddy’s cover of their song?  An awesome rendition.  However, I have a few problems with this special.  I guess I could do worse for a Wuss-out Wednesday post than mention them.

A friend pointed out that the whole plot is a little shaky.  The two elves go in search of Christmas spirit so Santa will not take the day off.  Then the mayor says if it will snow, he will get all the mayors together and give Santa… the day off!  I gotta say what I say when confronted with a plot hole in a cheesy horror movie:  Waaaaait a minute!

My first problem happens before the elves take off, though.  Mrs. Claus has the wonderful song, “Anyone Can Be Santa Claus,” her first plan being to impersonate the fat man herself.  I quite frankly thought (the first time I saw it, and I still think it) that this is a marvelous idea.  Of course anyone can be Santa Claus!  All you have to do is give somebody something! EVERYBODY should be Santa Claus!  But, no, Mrs. Claus is shot down almost immediately.  SHE can’t be Santa Claus.  Only the REAL Santa Claus will do.

Now don’t tell me it would have been a shorter story if Mrs. Claus had just delivered the toys.  They could have  put in a lot of twists and turns if they had gone with that plot line.  No, I’m not going to write it.  If you can’t think of any twists and turns yourself, just take my word for it.

The biggest problem I have always had with this special is the same one I have with almost all the Christmas specials about Santa Claus.  Christmas = presents.   All I can hear in my head is Boris Karloff saying, “Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store.  Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

Well I won’t wax philosophical about that tonight (regular readers know that half-baked philosophy belongs on Lame Post Friday).   I’ll just enjoy the fun music and charming animation (so retro), while I ponder the Christmas spirit.  I hope you are all having a lovely December so far.

 

Hurry In Fast!

You know what’s a real bummer?  Finding a fun new shop, then finding out they are closing soon!  I guess to write a blog post about this is not totally fun, as my subhead promises, but since local readers still have a chance to check out The Rose Quartz Stand, I thought I would go ahead and write it.

The Rose Quartz Stand is a gem and mineral store located at 105 Mohawk St. in Herkimer, NY.  I only recently stopped by, and I liked it a lot.  They have all kinds of stones, rocks and gems.  Some are polished, some are carved, some are just there, all kinds of colors, shapes and sizes.  There is also a nice selection of jewelry, stuffed toys and other items.

I was particularly fascinated by some fossils.  I asked if they were real fossils or if somebody had carved the fish skeletons on the rocks.  I thought it was marvelous that they were real fossils, although I guess it would have been some highly skilled carving if they were fakes.

The proprietors, George and Sandra Drobot, also go around to gem and mineral shows.  I said I preferred a store, because I can’t always make up my mind what to purchase right way.

I wanted to write an article about the place for Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  With that in mind, I stopped back this afternoon.  As I was chatting with Mrs. Drobot, she mentioned they were closing soon.  I felt so bad!  They will continue to do shows, and they have a website and Facebook page.  I encourage any local readers who likes this sort of thing to check out the Rose Quartz Stand while they are still here.  They should be around till Christmas Eve, so you can get a Christmas present for the gem-loving person on your list.

Their website is www.therosequartzstand.com. You can also Like them on Facebook.

 

Alliteration before Auditions

I’m afraid it’s Middle-aged Musings Monday, or Mental Meanderings Monday (choose your alliteration).  I’m sitting in Basloe Library in Herkimer, NY, with my usual Monday back-ache (and you were hoping I could get through a post without griping about my physical ills) (quite frankly, so was I), sipping coffee and typing on my laptop.

I will just mention that there is something vaguely comforting about my Monday back-ache.  I won’t pretend to be so twisted that I enjoy having a back-ache, but at least it feels familiar.  Does that make any sense?  Does anything make any sense?  How about that headline?  Let’s talk about that.

After famously saying, “No more plays!” after Much Ado About Nothing (a truly grand theatrical experience, thank you, LiFT!), I am planning to go to Ilion Little Theatre tonight to audition for Steel Magnolias.  Oh come on, did anybody seriously believe I wasn’t going to?  Of course, there is no guarantee I will get a part.  It actually might be kind of better if I don’t get one.  I mean, I’m writing three or four murder mysteries.  They are scheduled for February, March, April and TBD.  More details to follow.

I’ll tell you what, this is not the best place to sit with a laptop.  The florescent lights are reflected in my screen in a most annoying fashion.  I just re-tilted in an attempt to minimize the effect.

Where was I?  Ah yes, too busy to be in another play.  Additionally, the deadline looms for Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  My computer problems have delayed my getting my articles written and submitted.  To be more exact, my dithery, ineffective attempts at dealing with my computer problems have had that effect.  A more organized writer would have handily completed said articles.  Here we come to the ugly truth about me.

On the other hand, I see it is 4:24 according to my computer.  That is almost two hours before my ride will pick me up to go to auditions (it’s so much more comfortable to go to these things with a friend!).  I can progress on my articles now!  As Gene Wilder famously said in Young Frankenstein:  “IT!  COULD!  WORK!”

 

Wrist to WiFi

Oh, I think Wrist to Forehead Sunday is definitely in order today.  My internet is still out.  I went to McDonald’s this morning, where, you may recall, I handily made my blog post yesterday.  This morning I could not get on WordPress.  They told me it was not secure!  What was that all about?

I suppose someone will say that writers are an insecure lot, by and large.  Writers of blogs, I think, have a little more self-confidence, because we just put our words out there.  Come to think of it, that is what any writer does, except, you know, the ones like Emily Dickinson, who famously hid all her poems in the attic (at least I think it was the attic; I guess it wasn’t all that famous if I’m not sure, was it?).

In case anybody was wondering, I am typing this into the word processing feature on my laptop.  I shall presently seek somewhere with wi-fi (probably the library parking lot), try to get onto wordpress.com there, and copy and paste.  I felt clever for thinking of that idea.  I must implement it soon, though, because Steven only works till one and if I am not back, he will wonder where I am.  He cannot call me, because our phone is out too.  Curse you, Time Warner Cable!

Oh dear, I hope that last line does not bring the wrath of a huge corporation down on my hapless head.  Then I really will have a reason for a Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

 

I Live to Give

As my computer woes continue, I am checking out the free wi-fi at McDonald’s (why there couldn’t be a sweet local coffee shop in Herkimer!  But I’ll deal with the chain fast-food behemoth, because needs must).  This really isn’t so bad.  The dining room is practically empty and I’m drinking coffee.  Anyways, I did not want to delay making this post.

Under the heading Christmas is for Giving, I went to Earthly Matters Crystals and Stones in Ilion, NY, today with a donation for the veterans.  Toni Joy, the proprietor, is collecting toiletry and non-perishable food items to make up baskets for the veterans.  I also brought some scarves I had lying around.  Regular readers may remember (if they think about me at all, a scant possibility, I admit) that I know how to knit and crochet very few items.  One of them is scarves, an excellent way to use up odds and ends of yarn.  Unfortunately, my family and friends can only use so many scarves, so the extras pile up.  I thought the veterans might like them.

Toni Joy was very happy with my donation.  The scarves may go to the veterans or to the children.  She was thinking of setting up a mitten tree for area children.  My donation of scarves helped her decide to definitely do it.  I said if anybody could use my scarves, yay!

I stuck around and shopped a little. I love looking at the stones, handmade jewelry and other items for sale.  I made one purchase, but I shan’t tell you what it is, because it MIGHT be a Christmas present for… somebody.  Somebody I like.  Oh dear, I’ve said too much.

So the reason I did not want to delay this post is that I want to encourage any local readers to get over to Earthly Matters with a donation for the veterans or the children.  I think Toni said she had some 60 baskets to make up.  That’s a lot of food and toiletry items!  I encourage everybody to donate to this or to the charity of his or her choice (I know there are a lot of them out there).  I LOVE the season of giving!

Earthly Matters is located at 58 Otsego St., Ilion, NY, phone number 315-717-2687.

 

Did You Miss Me Yesterday?

My whole life is operator error!

OK, got that out of my system.  Regular readers may have noticed that I did not make a post yesterday.  Well, I had internet issues.  I’m still having them.  However, by the miracle of Mid-York Library System, I am making a brief post today.  Yes, I am at Basloe Library in Herkimer, on one of their computers.  I was trying to get onto the internet on my laptop, and it just did not seem to be working out for me.  I re-started the laptop and that may have worked, but then I said, “Oh to hell with it; I’ll get on one of their computers and make my blog post!”  I said it to myself; I did not swear out loud in the library.

Last night I would have liked to go to the library parking lot and get on the internet, but Steven and I had plans for dinner and the theatre.  At least, we had plans for the theatre.  I was supposed to make dinner but I made reservations instead.  It served as our belated anniversary dinner, at Sorrento’s in Ilion.  A delightful dinner.  Then we went to Rabbit Hole at Ilion Little Theatre.  Then we went home and went to bed, where I did not sleep well, but that’s neither here nor there.

I did not run in the Reindeer Run 5K (I would still be running it if I had) in Little Falls.  For one reason, I could not pre-register because I could not get online.  For another reason, I just didn’t want to any more.  I mean, I kind of did, but I mostly didn’t.  Sorry, other 5K runners who may have enjoyed me puffing and panting and making silly jokes along the way.  Maybe next year.

So now that I have blathered on for some 300 words, I’m going to get on with the rest of my day.  Big plans, mostly of the Mohawk Valley adventure variety. I’ll let you know how they workout.

 

Looking a Little More Like Christmas

Steven spent his day off making our house look beautiful for Christmas.  I thought in lieu of a Non-Sequitur Thursday, I would share a few pictures.  First a few Santas.  We love Santa Claus.

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There are stories behind each Santa on the stairs, but I’d like to tell you about our new Santa, or rather half Santa.  Recently when I was at the Herkimer County Historical Society to talk about a murder mystery, I noticed the top half of a plastic Santa.

“He’s yours,” said one of the ladies I was there to meet.  The Santa had been rescued from the middle of the street during a wind storm last winter.  They put his picture on Facebook, so the owner could claim him.  Steven commented that if nobody did, we could offer the Santa a home.  Since he lacks a bottom half, we put him behind our fireplace screen (a Christmas present from my parents a few years ago), so he could look as if he is emerging from the chimney.

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Another favorite feature of our holiday decorations is Steven’s nutcracker collection.  This isn’t the whole thing, but a nice selection to cover our buffet.

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Oh, how I love Christmas.   Soon I must finish my Christmas shopping, start my Christmas baking, address my Christmas cards and commence my Christmas wrapping.  It is the time of year when I cease to be the Evil Woman CinCin and become… wait for it… Cindy Claus!

 

Possibly a Pre-5K Run

I actually wrote part of a blog post while at work today (um, on a BREAK, not while working), but then I came home and went running, so I thought I would like to make a Running Commentary Post instead.

This Saturday, Dec. 10, is the Reindeer Run 5K, part of the Christmas in Little Falls festivities. I have been saying I am going to run it.  Maybe.  As I left work today, I said to my co-worker, “I guess I’d better go running today, if I think I’m going to run a 5K on Saturday.”

“If you’re going to run Saturday, what do you need to run today for?” he asked.  He was not serious.

As I left work, I was a little afraid the temperature would be borderline.  That is, should I wear leggings and long-sleeves or shorts and t-shirt?  When I took Spunky for a walk as soon as I got home, I got a dreadful hot flash.  They have been getting hotter, and they are not over in a flash.  They do not particularly bother me; I just ride them out.  However, it impaired my ability to judge the weather.

Getting back home, I noted that the thermostat said 42 degrees.  My rule for myself is shorts and short-sleeves for 45 degrees and warmer.  Still, 42 sounded pretty warm to me, and the hot flash wasn’t quitting.  Still, I had made up that rule for myself…

I put on leggings and long sleeves.  The leggings felt too tight, so I looked for a pair of fat old lady pants instead.  I had run in fat old lady pants recently and found it works pretty good.  Fat old lady pants, in case you did not know, are fairly loose-fitting, elastic-waist, poly-cotton blend.  The pair I found had pockets, which I liked.  It would be handier for my watch, for one reason.  The band is broken on my wrist-watch, so now I pin it to my pants and make it a waist-watch.

It didn’t feel too cold or two warm as I started down the sidewalk.  I had it in mind to run up the hill to Herkimer College, a challenging 40-minute run to make sure I was ready for the 5K.  I managed to cross German Street without too much problem and ran down the sidewalk, avoiding the occasional puddle.  I had set out at 3:40 (15:40, my watch said; I have military time) (um, not because I was in the army; it’s because I don’t want to screw up and set the alarm for p.m. instead of a.m.).  There was a lot of traffic.

Soon I was running up Lou Ambers Drive.  It seemed to take a long time to get to the steep part.  Cars whizzed by me, mostly not slowing down or getting over.  I couldn’t blame them for not getting over, because there was also a lot of traffic going in the other direction.  As I ran, a song I had been singing to Spunky kept playing in my head:

He’d a good dog named Spunky

His name is Spunky and he’s a good  dog.

The lyrics are not inspired, but it has a good rhythm to run to.  I remembered when I was in Army Basic Training, one of my buddies was on profile and did not run all through Basic, till the very end (“on profile” is a medical thing).  Then she had to run the two-mile PT (physical training) test.  She said she was going to sing Christmas carols to herself to keep going.  It worked for her, because she passed.  I decided to sing a few Christmas carols to myself today.  It was not the miracle I was hoping for as far as taking my mind off the hill.  But I made it to the top.

I could see down to Herkimer, which I had not been able to do the last couple of times I made that run.  It was overcast and grey, but I could see buildings. However, I could not linger and really look.  I kept running.

By the time I got back to the village and level ground, I realized I could rock this.  I thought about the 5K and pictured myself at the 2 mile mark encouraging my fellow runners by shouting, “We can rock this!”  Oh yeah, like anybody there will run as slowly as I do!

I made my 40 minutes and was pretty pleased with myself.  I must confess, I am not as pleased with my blog post, but you’ll have that.  I still haven’t quite made up my mind about the 5K.  I’ll let you know.  In the meantime, I will gather what satisfaction I can from the fact that I did not make a Wuss-out Wednesday post.