Category Archives: humor

You’ve Been There, Right?

Posted on August 6, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Sorry, folks, but it’s Tired Tuesday. I do have a post on a cheesy movie mostly written in my notebook. But it is only MOSTLY written, and it’s running long, as these posts tend to do. I just don’t feel like typing in that many words and I am clearly incapable of coming up with any more. On that topic, anyways. Apparently I can come up with some for a Tired Tuesday post.

My heinous cold drags on. I am better but just not better enough. You know how it is, just when you think, “Oh yeah, I got this,” you go off into a huge coughing jag that give you a headache or a sore gut or, worst of all, incontinence (curse you, middle age!). And the lightheaded, macroni-legged, heavy, awful SICK feeling. I list these symptoms not so much in the spirit of whining (although I fully expect to be accused of same) but with an air of “We’ve all been there.” Um, you’ve been there, haven’t you?

Be all that as it may, my writing has once again stagnated. I don’t know if I should blame the cold, the Ann Rule book I still have not finished, or my own lack of oomph. I suppose I had better blame myself. After all, personal responsibility is an empowering thing.

Then again, why assign blame at all? What is it with this finger-pointing, anyways? Didn’t your mother ever tell you it was impolite to point? A better thing to do right now, I believe, is to never mind WHY I haven’t written, but to write right now.

And oh, look, I did. Over 200 words of a fairly silly blog post. We’ll try for that cheesy movie write-up again on Wednesday.

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I Didn’t HAVE To

Posted on August 5, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

With the DARE 5K bearing down on me, I thought it would be a good idea to run today. I had proven to myself on Saturday that I could so run with a bad cold, so that fact that I was feeling only marginally better would not be a sufficient excuse. It was warm, but that was good, I told myself. The DARE 5K begins at 9 a.m. The sun will be high in the sky. What finally convinced me was that I told myself I didn’t HAVE to run up the hill to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC) and I didn’t HAVE to run 45 minutes. If I ran AT ALL, that would be enough. I set out.

It was warm. The sun was hot. I didn’t like it. But I persevered, trying to take comfort in the fact that it seemed less humid than it had earlier. There was a bit of a breeze, and I could look for shade.

I crossed German Street in the middle of a block, because I found a good opportunity. This is what you have to do with 4 p.m. Herkimer traffic. This put me on the right side of the street to run up to HCCC. But I didn’t HAVE to run there. Maybe I could run up the back way to HCCC. Not as steep, a little longer. A good run. I went by that street.

Oh, but it was not fun to run in the heat. Never mind, just keep going. Here was the street up to HCCC. I didn’t have to run up that hill. I could turn off before the steep part. I didn’t have to run 45 minutes, or even 40 minutes. I could run up the hill till I had run 10 minutes then run back down. But I ought to run more than 20 minutes. 30 minutes would be an OK run. I could run up the hill for 15 minutes then turn around, I bargained with myself. I didn’t fall for it. I knew that by the 15 minute mark I would be too far along to turn back.

The sun was bothering me more than the upslope. There was the steep part. In the sun. Wait a minute, no it wasn’t. There were two distinct patches of shade. There you go, I told myself. Run till you’re out of shade, then turn around. What a deal!

As I reached the second patch of shade I realized the shade continued, with varying degrees of patchiness, at least till the road curves. Once you get to the curve, you are just too close to the top to turn around. As I continued to shuffle up the hill I wondered if I had really had any thought of turning around. Of course not, I thought. For one thing, I knew I was going to write a blog post about it. Write a blog post about NOT making it up the hill to HCCC? That’s crazy talk!

I am sorry to report that the run did not for one minute become fun. I never once felt that I could rock this. I told myself that I was rocking it, pointing out to myself that no complaints were coming from my legs, but I just wasn’t feeling it.

That hardly mattered. What mattered was I did it. I can look forward to the DARE 5K with less trepidation. And it got me a blog post for Monday. I say OK.

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Drive On

Posted on August 4, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I tried, I tried to turn over a new leaf and have fewer posts about Why I Can’t Write a Post Today, and I believe I have had some success. Why, I didn’t even have a Lame Post Friday this week (last week, according to the calendar, but I subscribe to the theory that the week begins on Monday and ends on Sunday). But today, there is no getting away from it, is Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

In my defense, what I thought was fall allergies making an early appearance has turned out to be a full-blown cold. A cold is arguably the worst disease that can befall one: it’s not bad enough that anybody feels sorry for you but it’s bad enough that you feel like you are going to die or at least not live very well for the foreseeable future. Even now, some readers are shaking their heads saying, “Oh, get over yourself! Have a cup of tea and DRIVE ON!”

Tea. Hmmm, that’s a good idea.

We interrupt this blog post while Mohawk Valley Girl brews a cup of green tea and adds lemon and honey.

OK, back with the tea and trying to think of something profound to say about the difficulty of writing with a bad cold (yeah, I know, when was the last time you had a good cold?). It’s the vague in the head feeling that troubles me most at these times (cue unkind remarks about how I suffer from a vague mind most of the time). But, getting back to the advice to get over myself, I have proved to myself on other occasions that I am capable of doing more than I think I am.

Most recently I proved it yesterday, when I ran for 45 minutes including a rather impressive hill at the beginning of my third day of feeling quite dreadful. And right now, I have written over 300 words of what I hope is a perfectly acceptable blog post. Or do I flatter myself?

I think next I’ll take another look at that novel I keep alluding to. Have a nice Sunday, everybody.

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Crap Can’t Stop Me

Posted on August 3, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today’s run fell under the heading of Do It Anyways. I’ve felt dreadfully ill with either a cold or allergies for the past three days with the result that I did not run Thursday or Friday. I like a Saturday run better anyways: I can go at 6 or 6:30 when the temperature is cool and the traffic is thin. If I could have gone with a clear, un-aching head, that would have been nice. As I often say, you can’t have everything.

I wanted to take the hill up to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC) once again, because the DARE 5K is two weeks away. I know I can do it, I just don’t want it to suck too bad when I do. I was afraid today’s run would suck, but I was prepared for that. At least I was partially hydrated and fueled up. I got up at 3:30 with Steven, because he had to work at 6:30. I had consumed coffee, water and a slice of toast with peanut butter, raisins and honey. I could rock this.

The temperature was nice, and it didn’t seem too humid. I was able to cross German Street with no problem. The slight upslope didn’t bother me too much. Running at all did.

I saw a car parked on the sidewalk. Mind you, not over the sidewalk, for example in a driveway that isn’t long enough. Parallel to the road, lengthwise across the sidewalk. On a street where you are allowed to park on that side of the road! Appropriately enough, the car had a sticker on the back bumper that said WTF.

It seemed to take a long time to get to the hill. And the hill itself seemed pretty long. I was over halfway up it when I realized it sucked less than the last time I had run it. Boo-yah! I thought about how I would post a Facebook status of Boo-yah! although in real life I have never actually said that word. I’m not even sure of how to spell it.

As I continued to run, I noticed I was sweating quite a bit. It must have been more humid than I thought. I told myself I was sweating out the toxins and I would feel much better after the run than I had felt before. I had it in my head to run for 44 minutes, the length of my last longest run. Twenty minutes into the run, that seemed like a long time.

I realized, however, that I wasn’t feeling as sinus-related crappy as I had been. It was more I-don’t-feel-like-running-anymore crappy. That being the case, I kept running. I ended up running 45 minutes, even running a little faster at the end so it at least wouldn’t be longer than 45 minutes. It would have taken a longer full-out sprint than I felt capable of to run exactly 44 minutes.

As I walked my cool-down with Tabby, I started getting that heaviness in my head again. By the time I was stretched, showered and fed, I was back to feeling like crap. But I had run, so I felt pleased with myself. And I proved to myself how bad I could feel and still run pretty good. That’s information I can use the next time I feel this crappy. I hope it’s not tomorrow.

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Cool Cruise-In

Posted on August 2, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I like pets and I like old cars. What could be better than a Cruise-In to benefit 4PetSake, the local pet food pantry. Actually, it was free to look at the cars. They were selling hot dogs to benefit 4PetSake. I like hot dogs, too.

The event took place in the parking lot in front of the Mohawk Antiques Mall on July 30. This was actually the rain date, as it had originally been scheduled for the 23rd but been rained out. The 30th was beautiful all day. Some clouds were gathering by five, when the event started, but nothing too threatening. We arrived shortly after five (I was typing in that day’s blog post) and parked behind the antiques mall.

After a quick glance at the cars we headed for the food. Four bucks for two hot dogs and two root beer floats. What a deal! Popcorn and chips were also available, as were t-shirts that said, “I’m into S&N: Spaying and Neutering.” I do want one of the t-shirts but did not want to leave myself short of cash. Perhaps Steven will surprise me with one. Maybe for my birthday.

I asked for the most burnt hot dog. It was delicious. We sat at one of the picnic tables to eat. That gave us a great view of the 1929 fire engine belonging to Mohawk Fire Department. It was cool.

A DJ was spinning tunes from the ’50s and ’60s. I had a hard time to keep from dancing. Oh well, maybe I did a step or two, a little hip swing as we walked around looking at the cars.

I particularly admired a Mustang convertible from the ’60s. I only know it was from the ’60s because it resembled one my dad restored, which was 1965. I confess I don’t know much about years and models. I just like to look. Other cars were showing up, including one with fins that pulled in just as we were leaving. I love the fins.

We left before the hot dog eating contest, because I do not care for eating contests. I think they’re disgusting to watch and it is no way to enjoy food. We did not go into the Antiques Mall, although we did admire a few items visible in the windows. We’ve walked through it before and no doubt will again. I’ll probably write a blog post about it.

For more information about 4PetSake or the Mohawk Antiques Mall, you can Like their Facebook pages or visit their websites: www.4petsakefoodpantry.org and www.mohawkantiquesmall.com.

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Going Overboard for the Animals

Posted on August 1, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have not been to many garage sales this year. Partly it is because I have not had much chance, but it is mostly because I’ve been thinking lately that I just own too much stuff. I need to get rid of some of it before I add any more.

That said, when I noticed that the Herkimer County Humane Society was holding a garage sale last Saturday, I thought it couldn’t hurt to just go take a look. After all, it was such a worthy cause. I could buy maybe one or two small things. I didn’t have to go overboard.

I’m sure everybody knows how this is going to end.

It was really more of a yard sale than a garage sale, with items laid out across the front lawn, but I suppose that is mere quibbling. I found a convenient parking space on the side f the road and commenced to browse.

The first thing I found was a pair of green velvet gloves with black feather trim. No idea when I might wear something like that, but I had to have them. Then I found a nice little tin. Steven likes to put Christmas presents in tins instead of wrapping paper. Of all the books, the only one that really tempted me was a paperback Agatha Christie murder mystery. I have in to temptation. Next was a slipcover for a love seat, which we have been looking for Naturally I grabbed a few post cards, two of Lawrence Welk and one of the Episcopal Church in Herkimer (the church we attend when we go to church)(those were the only ones I found; had there been more, I would have taken them, too).

My arms were getting pretty full. I put everything down very carefully to try on a Halloween vest. It fit! The last thing I picked up was a dismembered skeleton in sparkly black. How wonderful is that going to look this October!

Loading myself back up, I looked for who I should pay. They were giving everybody yellow canvas bags with the picture of a dog and cat over the slogan “Adopt!” That was helpful for my smaller items. Nothing was priced. They were asking people to think about the animals and make a donation.

I’ll be honest, I think my donation could have been bigger, but I have what I thought I could afford. I promised to give more when I could and asked about volunteer opportunities. I took away a flier and said I would look at my schedule and see what I could do. I think volunteering for the Humane Society would be an excellent thing for Mohawk Valley Girl to do. I could probably get some good blog posts out of it.

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A Cup with a Cop

Posted on July 31, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s no secret that I love this area, my adopted hometown of Herkimer and the surrounding villages. I am naturally interested in any efforts to improve our quality of life. Under that heading, I made sure to attend Coffee and Conversation with a Cop last Saturday at the Baptist Church on Washington Street in Herkimer.

Full disclosure: I had another motivation to go. I thought I might have a chance to ask a policeman all my stupid questions regarding the local police for the novel I am writing.

The event ran from 9 to 11 a.m. I arrived close to nine and parked in the Green Street lot in front of the Municipal Building. A couple of people wearing name tags hung out around the door greeting people. Just inside the door a table was set up gathering contact information. They gave me a name tag, too. I got myself a cup of coffee and a donut and looked around for a cop that wasn’t busy.

People were still milling about, unsure of the event’s format. Three police officers were sitting at tables, which were set up in a U shape. I waited till one was free, sat down opposite him and pulled out my notebook.

Patrolman Patrick Murphy works for the Mohawk Police Department, but I was sure his answers would also be germane to Herkimer PD. He was very informative. We had an excellent conversation not just about my novel questions. A few other people joined in as we talked about police work in general and Patrolman Murphy’s experiences in particular. I was glad other people joined in, because I didn’t want to hog the cop.

After a while an older gentleman spoke up and asked that the policemen to sit at the head table, because he wanted to hear what people were asking them. I think a more informal format, such as we were doing, had been originally envisioned. However, after a couple tries, the older gentleman prevailed and the discussion became general.

I learned that the idea for coffee and Conversation with a Cop came from Dan Higgins, a snowbird and member of the church. He said communities were holding similar forums down south, so he approached Rev. Bell with the idea. he would like to see these meetings happen once a month.

“The church needs to be a part of the village, not just Sunday mornings,” he said.

Janice Lester Bell, the first lady of the church, spoke of the corporate and spiritual ministries of the church. The main focus of the day was not a complaint session but a chance to raise concerns and a chance for citizens to ask What can we do? Many concerns were raised. The officers answered questions, explained appropriate times to contact the police, and shared their own problems with staffing limitations.

“If you see something, say something,” is the best way a private citizen can help.

Several people had ideas on how to improve things. I found this encouraging, and I like the idea of monthly Coffee and Conversations. I’ll be watching for the next session.

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I Prepare for the DARE

Posted on July 30, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

WELL, today I have a good reason to be Tired on Tuesday: I ran up the hill to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC).

It was practically fall weather today. I had made up my mind to run regardless, but this was an added inducement. One might think I did not necessarily have to run a big bear of a hill on a weekday run, but the DARE 5K is fast approaching, and the hill to HCCC is on that run. By the way, be prepared for this blog to become All DARE 5K All The Time sometime within the next three weeks.

Be that as it may, I got home, got into my running gear and got going. I even made Steven come upstairs and talk to me while I changed, because he was telling me a story about his day. I was going to run up that hill, come home and write about it, then ENJOY MY TUESDAY!

I had no plan about exactly how long to run. I had run 44 minutes on Sunday but did not feel I had to run so far today. Earlier in the day I had thought perhaps 40 would be good. It wasn’t going to feel good right away, I told myself. Just keep going.

Maybe I wouldn’t be able to cross German Street. Four o’clock traffic in Herkimer can be pretty dicey, I thought. If I couldn’t cross the street, well, how could I run that big hill. Look at all that traffic. I knew it was a lame excuse. I could cross at the three-way stop at Caroline Street, which is what I did.

The temperature was not as cool as I like to run in, but considering how hot it could be in July, I told myself to count my blessings. At least a pretty good breeze was blowing. It sure was taking a while to get to that hill. Running did not start to feel good. What was that all about? Never mind, just keep going.

Oh dear, the hill was not going to be fun. I tried the trick I learned in the army: just look at your feet and shuffle up the hill. I looked up to see where I was at. I had to admit, it was just as effortful either way. I thought about the DARE 5K. Would it feel like this? Surely not. How many times would I have to run up this hill before it became easy?

There was more traffic than there had been on Sunday. Some of the people nicely slowed down or at least moved over a little. A few did not. Oh well, at least nobody hit me. I wouldn’t care for that. By the time I got to the top of the hill, I was having a little trouble breathing. I did a trick I was taught by a speech therapist for my vocal chord dysfunction (VCD): sip/blow. It isn’t really like a sip. You make kind a shape with your mouth like you’re making a “EEE” sound, then you exhale with an “OOOOO.” I was glad nobody was close enough to hear me but even more glad I did not have a VCD attack.

As I ran down the hill I kept making all these deals with myself: 30 minutes would be OK. 34? 36? There was NO WAY I could get to 40!

As it turned out, I could. I felt pretty proud of myself. I wanted to walk around with my fists in the air while somebody sang the chorus of “We Are the Champions.” Steven probably would have sung it for me if I had asked. Instead I walked around the block with Tabby and drank some water. I’m sure I’ll be ready for the DARE 5K. It’s just a question of how tired I’ll feel afterwards.

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Am I a Bad Blogger?

Posted on July 29, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am beginning to wonder about my future as a blogger. Astute readers will have noticed that each day I have a potential excuse for not doing a real post: Middle-aged Musings Monday, Tired Tuesday, Wuss-out Wednesday, Non-Sequitur Thursday, Lame Post Friday, and Wrist to Forehead Sunday (yes, my week begins on Monday. Doesn’t yours?).

Ooh, look at that, I left out Saturday. I enjoy to do Running Commentary Saturday, but I consider Running Commentary to be a real post. In fact, it takes a good deal of effort, because for Running Commentary I do, in fact, run. But we all know I do not scruple to do a foolish post on a Saturday. It just doesn’t have a name.

When I first started Middle-aged Musings Monday, I actually did write a post most of the time. By “write a post” I mean I hand wrote a rough draft, usually while on a break at work, which I later typed into the computer, often with some amount of editing. However, as time goes on, I often find myself blogging off the cuff, sitting at the computer, typing off the top of my head and hoping for the best.

Sometimes it works out pretty good. I write something fairly amusing, fellow bloggers reward me by hitting the “Like” button, and we all drive on. Sometimes I sit here and say, “Oh dear, what in the world am I going to put?”

Guess which type of day today is.

In any case, I usually end by craving your indulgence and hoping to do better in the future, sometimes citing actual posts I hope to write. In fact, today I began a rather fun post about a cheesy movie I saw and I do still intend to write about a couple of Mohawk Valley adventures I had.

I guess my musing for today is to ask myself, is this an OK way to run a blog? And I guess my answer is, it’ll have do do for now, because this is all i got.

Hope to see you all on Tired Tuesday.

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Sometimes Coffee is Not the Right Thing

Posted on July 27, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

A good way to get yourself to run on Sunday is to don’t run Saturday, so you will be obligated to run or to take two or more likely three days in a row off (because it is VERY difficult for me to run on a Monday). My alarm woke me up at 6, which is unusual for me (I didn’t have to work, but Steven did). At first I said, “I can’t run right away, I’d better have coffee first.” I immediately thought better of that plan and ran pre-coffee.

I congratulated myself on my perspicacity as I started running down the sidewalk (yes, I use words like “perspicacity” before having coffee). After all, coffee would make me more clever about thinking of excuses not to run. I wished I had run Saturday. Not because it would have been a good idea to take Sunday off, but because it felt like I had taken a lot longer than one day off. I carefully reviewed my week in my head as I ran. Yes, ran Friday, took Saturday off. Damn.

I had it in my head to run up the hill to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC). I have run it in recent memory (I probably did a blog post about it), but I have not run it as many times as I would like to before the DARE 5K in August.

When I had run on Friday, I had looked up the hill, but it was still quite dark out. The streetlights beckoned, but my nerves failed me. In my defense, it is disconcerting to run prior to four in the morning. Also, the path up to HCCC has woods on either side. I know there are deer that come out and cross the road. Who knows what nocturnal critters I might encounter?

These considerations were not valid on a July Sunday after 6 a.m., so up I went. My body was not happy with me, but I persevered. This hill wasn’t so bad, I told myself. After a while, I believed myself (why would I lie?). Still, I want to run that hill a bunch more times before the DARE 5K.

As I ran, I heard a rumble. Was that thunder? Thunder, we are told, is grounds for immediately returning home. Once I get out on a run, I do NOT look for excuses for immediately returning home. I wanted to run at least 40 minutes, maybe even 44, so I could increase my time by the recommended ten percent. That probably wasn’t thunder, I thought. It was probably some big old truck doing some big old truck thing. I kept running.

I ran towards the road that goes the back way down the hill. I saw a “Do Not Enter” sign, so I entered. It was just a little turn-off kind of street, didn’t even take me that long out of my way. I briefly considered continuing the other way and running by the reservoir but thought that would be better when I was up to running 50 or more minutes.

I passed two No Left Turn signs as I ran down the hill but had made up my mind to go straight for a while. I even turned and ran up another hill. Not a big, bad hill, but big enough so I could say to myself, “Yeah, I’m bad.” Was that another rumble? Probably another truck, I told myself. Anyways, there was Valley Health. I could turn towards it and be on my way home. Didn’t I once say something like safety first for Mohawk Valley Girl?

Surely it would be OK to run by the school instead of straight home (and I’ll call you Shirley if I feel like it). I really really wanted to run at least 40 minutes. I heard a train. Was that a rumble as well? No, no, just the train making that noise. I could keep running.

After running by the school I went kind of sort of straight home. The rumbles increased to where I could no longer pretend they were not thunder. I made my 44 minutes by running around the two vehicles in my driveway several times.

Tabby declined to go on my cool-down walk, with me. That was quite all right with me. I walked around my backyard for a shortened cool-down. The storm began in earnest while I was stretching out. Oh was I right not to have coffee first!

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