Category Archives: humor

On To The Produce

Posted on September 11, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought, being as I am Mohawk Valley Girl, it would behoove me to mention that I stopped by the Herkimer, NY, Farmer’s Market on Monday.

The stop was part of some wild gyrations that enhanced (or made hideous) my Monday. I was going to write about that, but thinking about it made me tired all over again. I think a short shout-out to the Farmer’s Market and I’m out of here.

The Herkimer Farmer’s Market has had various homes over the years, but I think I like their current one best. It is in the parking lot of the large building owned by HARC at 420 E. German St. This provides lots of space and lots of parking. I had no problem pulling in and finding a space.

Full disclosure: Steven and I actually stopped by the Farmer’s Market last Monday, Labor Day. I did not feel we got the full effect, however, since some vendors were not there due to the holiday. We had purchased a Halloween dish towel with one of those crochet things you can attach to a drawer handle. I love those dish towels with the crochet thing. We also got some grape tomatoes. Yum.

This past Monday I was in the market for tomatoes again, one big one this time. The produce stand was at the opposite end from where I started. So first I sampled some Three Village Cheeses. I believe I’ve given Three Village Cheese a shout out before. An excellent product. I purchased some Havarti, mentally revising my dinner plans to include cheese.

I also impulse bought two breakfast granola cookies. I foolishly neglected to get a business card or make note of that vendor’s name. Perhaps I shall return to the market next Monday and repair that omission.

On to the produce. I wavered for a moment: $1 for one big tomato or $4 for five? But I couldn’t bear to buy more tomato than needed and let them go bad before I ate them. I went for the one.

I was pleased with my purchases and pleased to have a Mohawk Valley attraction to mention in my blog. The Herkimer Farmer’s Market is on Mondays from 1 to 7 p.m.

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Not Even an Excuse

Posted on September 10, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, here it is Middle-aged Musings Monday and I have nothing, not even an excuse.

Other days when I have not written my blog post while at work, it has usually been because I was working on my novel. Truth be known, this is not an airtight alibi, because other days I have been able to do both, utilizing different breaks for each purpose. Still, working on a novel. There could be no possible objection.

I did work on the novel. I wrote a little more than a page.

And it wasn’t very good.

I realize I may not be the best judge of this. However, since I am the only one allowed to read the dumb thing at this point, I am the only judge. And I judge: gotta do better than this.

That’s really all I want to say about the novel, though. For one thing, if you talk too much about a novel, you no longer need to write it. And anybody out there who says, “I told you that years ago,” just shut up, you did not. Oh, but that’s the other thing: everybody is SO READY to offer advice, whether or not they have actually written a novel themselves. Even a bad novel. Even a stupid novel that never got published.

Oh wait, I wrote a stupid novel that never got published. I guess that means I can give myself advice. My advice to myself is: don’t publish this blog post, it’s stupid. Write something good.

How many of you out there take advice? Let me see your hands.

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Shouldn’t the Mice Have Eaten Cheese?

Posted on September 9, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

As I checked out the listings for TCM one Saturday, in my ongoing quest for cinematic cheese, I came across a kind of a blast from my past, Gay Purr-ee (1962).

I remember that I watched Gay Purr-ee with my sisters one Saturday afternoon roughly a hundred years ago. I remember that I watched it more than I remember watching it, if you see what I mean. I was pretty young, although I couldn’t tell you my exact age.

I know I was rather unsavvy about cinema (that was expertise I was to acquire in later years) (and anybody who said, “Still waiting, huh?” I bet you’re pretty pleased with yourself). I thought it was The Aristocats. In my defense, beautiful fluffy white cat with a rough and ready tom for a boyfriend. Which was pretty much all I knew about The Aristocats, either.

One thing I remembered well: the tom cat has this thing he does when he goes after a mouse. It’s as if he’s possessed and becomes a mouse-catching machine. Or maniac. His eyes bug out, his fur sticks out, his claws come out… it’s pretty cool. And if figures hugely into the plot, so I don’t like to say too much about it.

Anyways, I DVR’d the movie for nostalgia’s sake. Eventually I got around to watching it.

Who knew there were movie star voices! It seems I should have at least known Judy Garland plays the beautiful white cat. I knew who Judy Garland was; we watched The Wizard of Oz every year when it came on television (this was the olden days, even before VCRs).

As I watched it this time, I also recognized at least one voice from the Rankin/Bass Christmas specials, but I did not track down the name that went with it. Of course I would not have known the name as a kid, but I might have been expected to say, “Hey, that’s Burgermeister Meisterburger!”

Speaking of Christmas, at times the animation reminded me of Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol or How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I believe I saw the name Chuck Jones at the beginning, and I think he had something to do with those.

It’s sometimes fun to watch a movie you saw years and years ago and say, “I remember that part!” and “I don’t remember that AT ALL!” Sometimes you say, “Wow, I had lousy taste as a kid.” Sometimes you say, “That was worth a watch.” Gay Purr-ee was fortunately in the latter category. It’s not a great movie. I won’t be searching out the DVD for my younger relatives, but I didn’t mind watching it once. And so my search for cheese continues. As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

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Thanks, Nicky!

Posted on September 8, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have missed running. I have been trying to make it to Curves three times a week, so I get exercise, but it is not the same. I committed to a year at Curves, which is almost up. I told them I would be taking a break and going back to running. I still have this month and next to go to Curves, after which I will seriously apply myself. In the meantime, I thought a Saturday morning run would be a good idea.

I debated whether to run before or after Steven left for work, but decided to go while the going was good. I confess to feeling a little excited to run after all this time (did not check my running journal to see how long it has actually been. Too long is all I know). I put on bicycle shorts and a large t-shirt, because it was 50something out. I grabbed a headband, in case my ears got cold.

Right away I felt terrific. It was a little after 6:30. I waved and called good morning to our paper deliverers. They are awesome. I always get my paper in a timely fashion. They have quite a large delivery area, it seems.

Right away I could cross German Street, so I did. I might run the hill by Valley Health! I usually don’t get that ambitious on a run when I’ve had a long layoff, but like I said, I felt terrific! Then I remembered the closed road up ahead and was afraid I would have to run in the road on the right side with traffic. I can’t do that! Left side facing traffic, always!

I crossed back at the next corner. Anybody watching me might assume I was crossing back and forth to make my run longer. Or they could think I was a crazy old lady. What do I care what anybody thinks?

The terrific feeling, of course, did not last. It didn’t matter. Being a first run after a layoff, expectations are not high. I could run slow. I didn’t have to run very far or very long. I could even stop and walk if I had to, although I did not expect to have to. One thing I know how to do is keep up at least a slow shuffling run for just about as long as I decide to.

I ran all the way down German street, then around that corner. Hmmm…. down Church to Main? I might be walking on Main with Tabby later. Down Graham, then Park Avenue to Myers Park. My hands got cold, but I ignored them. My ears got cold, but I pulled the headband over them and was comfortable. Through the park and to Prospect Street. I would run for 20 minutes. I had thought 15 would be acceptable in a pinch, but I knew I could make it for 20.

Heading up Prospect, the owner of Curves drove by on her way to work.

“First you run, then you go to Curves!” she called.

“I will run to Curves!” I told her. I meant that figuratively, of course.

Up Prospect to Church. I saw a cute little dog on Church Street (I guess I describe all dogs as cute; this one appeared to be part poodle). I would have liked to pet it, but the person turned away to walk up Prospect away from me. I could have continued towards it, but since the person might have been trying to avoid me, I kind of didn’t like to.

Turning down Church, which goes to my street, I figured I could run past the house and maybe through the parking lot of the apartment building at the end of the street to make my 20 minute goal. Or I could go another block, up Henry and around. That might make it a 22 or 23-minute run. That was doable.

Then I saw a little white dog up ahead. Was that my friend Nicky? I wanted to pet Nicky! This necessitated my running past Henry and crossing the street.

“Hi, Nicky! Good dog, good to see you!” He graciously allowed me to pet him. “Nice to see you too,” I said to his person.

“You too. Have a good run. You’ve got nice weather for it!”

“I do!” No time for more as I ran up Margaret and made for home. That made it a 25-minute run. Woohoo! I’ll be back in shape in no time!

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In My Defense, I’m Fighting a Cold

Posted on September 7, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, I wrote some more on the post about the non-cheesy movie, but I’m just not up to it right now. Anyways, it’s Lame Post Friday. I don’t care how many times I wimp out during the week with a silly post, I treasure my Lame Post Friday.

Even when the post itself is no treasure.

I did have a random observation today. I observed a kid wearing a t-shirt from a nightclub that closed long ago.

“The shirt lasted longer than the club did,” I remarked. My co-worker agreed.

I didn’t observe much else today, other than the speed limit (well, I thought it was a funny thing to say). But I do have one bit of half-baked philosophy: I thought to myself today, “I could have BEEN somebody!” My next thought was, “Who else could I have possibly been?” In fact, I could have turned out into somebody worse. So I started thinking about who other people might have been.

For example, maybe Mother Theresa could have been the CEO of a multi-national corporation that made bazillions of dollars exploiting the masses and wreaking havoc on the environment (I’m not saying all multi-national corporations do those things; I’m just saying Mother Theresa could have headed up one that did). The CEO of some big corporation could have been a stay-at-home mom or dad (I know, probably dad), raising kids who could have been…

Did you say Mother Theresa?

Enough of this foolishness. I see I am over 200 words. Woohoo! If I can only think of a headline, it’s wine o’clock for me.

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Just Saying

Posted on September 6, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I started to write another post about a movie (alas, not cheesy), but did not finish it, so I will attempt something off the cuff for Non-Sequitur Thursday. Full disclosure: if hearing about going to the bathroom may cause you to shout, “TMI!” stop reading now (and none of you wiseasses need to comment, “TMI,” either)(you know who you are)(and why is my computer telling me “wiseasses” is misspelled?).

We went to the laundromat today. One good thing about the Colonial Laundromat in Ilion, NY is that there is a clean restroom available. This is a thing I look for just about everywhere I go. Just saying.

The door was closed. And remained closed. I really could not wait much longer. I walked over and asked two ladies folding their clothes if anybody was in there. No, they said. I tried the door. Locked. They felt bad for having misinformed me. I went back over to where Steven was and watched the door.

Oh dear, it was taking a while. Not to be indelicate, but nobody really wants to use a bathroom where somebody else has just been in there for a long time. Just saying.

Our clothes still had nine minutes in the drier (actually, they ended up having a lot longer than that, but this isn’t really a post about laundry).

“I’m walking to Citgo,” I announced.

What a lot of traffic Ilion gets. I guess it’s the hip, happening place to be on a Thursday night. I had to cross the street twice at the intersection. Tricky, but I managed it. After crossing one way I considered staying on that side of the street and going to Stewart’s, but I couldn’t remember if they have a restroom. I was able to make the second cross while I was still thinking about it.

After walking to first one then another corner of the store, I saw the sign for “Restroom” in the third corner. Of course it was locked. I stood there, having to pee. I considered knocking on the door to see if someone was in there. I wondered if you were supposed to get a key from the cashier. There was no sign to say so. Some of your better convenience stores have that little thing on the lock that says “Vacant” or “Occupied,” depending. No offense, Citgo.

I got tired of waiting. Cross the street to Stewarts? Wait, there’s McDonalds! Before there were convenience stores everywhere, McDonald’s was the operative place to go to the bathroom when on a road trip. Then you bought french fries or a coffee or something. What you might call a win/win. I would use their bathroom and buy Steven a coffee.

“I haven’t been in here since you remodeled,” I said to the cashier as I purchased the coffee. “It’s fancy.”

“You think so?” she sounded skeptical. Nice customer service, trying to make me feel foolish (oh, I know, it’s not that hard to do)!

I made it back to the laundromat before our drier buzzed. Steven appreciated the coffee. I felt better about everything.

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I Wanted a Ghost

Posted on September 4, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I DVR’d The Ghost Ship (1943) on the vague hope that it had something to do with a movie that I THINK was called Ghost Ship starring Julianna Margulies that Steven and I saw some years ago. Or vice versa, I guess. I seem to remember not being too nuts about the latter movie, especially the meant-to-be-shocking ending, that I believe did NOT take Steven or me by surprise. Oh dear, I haven’t put in the spoiler alert yet (I know I could always fix these things when I edit, but it’s more fun this way).

Here it is: Spoiler Alert! Although I may have already spoiled the Julianna Margulies movie for you. Maybe I ought to seek that movie out again, watch it again and write about it. But I am unlikely to do that before hitting publish on this.

Where was I?

I thought by the title “Ghost Ship” that the movie would have at least one actual ghost. Turns out not so much. I might have suspected such a thing from the description on digital cable, which said nobody will believe the third mate when he tries to tell them the captain is a sadistic psychopath. Still, I thought a sadistic psychopath might be worth a watch.

When we started to watch the movie, I saw that it starred Richard Dix. I said, “All right!” He was in those Whistler movies I enjoyed so much. I like that Richard Dix.

Naturally he is the sadistic psychopath captain. It’s actually good casting, because with his lovely deep voice, matinee idol good looks and kindly manner, it is easy to see how he fools everybody. The audience is privy to everything the third mate sees, so there is no “is he or isn’t he?” mystery, which may have been fun.

I would like to explain why it is a ghost ship, but I did not properly understand it myself. Something psychological, explained by the good woman whose love could perhaps have saved psycho captain. There’s still hope for the third mate, if only he can survive the voyage. If that sounds a little vague, sorry. I’m not up to giving a full plot summary.

It’s actually a pretty good movie. It gets suspenseful and exciting, and if a few of my favorite characters get killed off, well, you’ll have that. Still, I would have liked a ghost.

Incidentally, the plot of Ghost Ship, (2002, no “the”) (I looked it up), has nothing whatsoever in common with The Ghost Ship. If I were a real movie writer, I would edit this whole thing and delete any reference to it. And here we come to the ugly truth about me.

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Don’t Quote Me

Posted on September 3, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Thank heavens it’s Middle-aged Musings Monday. Now all I have to do is pry my wrist off my forehead and think of something to muse about.

This raises a number of things I have talked about before: first, that even on the “nothing” days, I still have to think of something to write; second, that even though I have attained middle age (if I live to be a hundred), I have very few words of wisdom to impart. In fact, I have a few, but they’re mostly quotes.

Oh, that gives me something. Have you noticed how many people spend a lot of time on Facebook sharing these little cartoons or pictures or just big old squares with quotes? They can be inspirational or funny or profound or political or rude, or any combination of the above. I’ve done it myself. It’s almost a guilty pleasure, hitting that “Share” button. Maybe I didn’t think of it out of my own head, but I can take credit for being clever enough to recognize its worth.

Was that more of a random observation? And there is no Seinfeld-style punch line, so sorry about that. Incidentally, my best quotes have not been gleaned from the internet. I have had some of them for years. I found them in books.

My musing today is, do we really try to live by these words of wisdom? I’m talking now about the profound, inspirational ones, not the ones that give us good excuses to drink wine and eat chocolate, or extoll your good friend who will help you hide the body (I KNOW people live by those).

My contention has always been that “Do as I say, not as I do,” is really not bad advice. Most of us talk a good game. I may have voiced this opinion in this space before, but I shall not apologize, because I think it’s a good one. My more didactic readers may feel free to lecture me on repeating myself. I will nod wisely, knowing that they are probably repeating themselves. I will attempt to do as they say, not as they do.

And I will try not to share that sentiment on Facebook.

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Breakfast with Rachel

Posted on September 2, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I put Rachel’s name in the title, so she can pretend she’s famous. At least, perhaps she is famous in certain circles, but I don’t think my blog will increase her fame. I’m afraid my blog is a little rinky-dink compared to some. Still, I like it.

Where was I? Ah yes, forgoing Wrist to Forehead Sunday for once (I hope) to write a little about my breakfast with my friend, and to give another shout-out to Crazy Otto’s Empire Diner.

When Rachel told me she would be passing close enough to Herkimer, NY to stop for a brief visit, she suggested we meet at one of those yummy places I write about. Since we would be meeting for a latish breakfast, I thought she would like Crazy Otto’s.

Obviously, lots of people like Crazy Otto’s. They didn’t have a booth free, so we sat at the counter. I pointed out the Georgia license plate Steven and I contributed to the decor. She was suitably impressed.

After hearing the specials we perused the menu. I picked something I had never noticed before, French toast with coconut flakes. Rachel wanted pancakes with eggs. This came with choice of meat. The waitress recommended sausage, which I must say looked pretty good. I may have to have another meal at Crazy Otto’s soon so I can try it.

It was really wonderful to sit and talk with a friend I had not seen in years. I only felt bad that it was just a meal and not the whole weekend. I guess anybody who knows me knows I could talk for three days at a stretch, but I would have let Rachel talk, too.

As I write this (I am composing at the keyboard, just to give you the proper mental image), I feel a bout of Wrist to Forehead coming on. Rachel read yesterday’s post, where I said I would write a post about our breakfast. She expressed (via Facebook comment) that she was looking forward to reading what we talked about. I commented back that now I felt the pressure to come up with something profound. Well, everything Rachel says is naturally profound, but this blog, not so much.

Never mind, we had a lovely breakfast, and I hope it is not another eight years till we see each other again. If you are meeting a friend you saw eight years ago, or one you just saw yesterday, or eating breakfast by yourself, I recommend Crazy Otto’s Empire Diner. Their website is www.crazyottosempirediner.com. You can also like them on Facebook.

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Whine O’Clock

Posted on August 31, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes, it is Lame Post Friday, and it should surprise no one that I got nuthin’.

I was about to say I’ve had a bear of a week, but I seem to remember last week being rather bearish as well (ooh, look at that, according to my computer “bearish” is so a word; I thought I had just now made it up). Earlier today I told a co-worker I was in a terrible mood, because all I could think about was things that piss me off. She advised me to think about something else.

“What should I think about?”

“3:30 this afternoon.” That’s our quitting time. “Wine-thirty.”

“It’s whine-thirty all day long for me,” I admitted. “Because all I do is whine.”

See, you get the pun right away when you write it down.

I thought it was a kind of a preemptive strike on my part (I’ll be damned, according to my computer pre-emptive is not hyphenated) to admit that I was whining. You know how upsetting it can be when all you want to do is relieve your feelings by expressing your discontent and you get told to stop whining. Actually, I had taken care to go to the co-worker that doesn’t usually say that. You have to be careful who you whine to. Uh, I mean express your discontent.

I was going to go into some half-baked philosophy about whining and perspective, but I believe I have covered it before. I would look back, find the post (or posts, I know I repeat myself sometimes), but hey, it’s Friday and I’m one of those lucky bastards who have a three day weekend. I’m thinking it’s beer o’clock.

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