I Guess They’re Not Really Suburbs

Posted on June 15, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I begin my Saturday with many things that I need to or want to do (no point in being overly dramatic and saying I HAVE to do all these things). Running and writing my blog post are near the top of the list. With the newly re-instated Saturday Running Commentary, I saw the chance to multi-task (my computer wants me to not hyphenate that, but I like the hyphen).

Of course, if I had one of them there smart phones, I could truly multi-task and post while I run. I know a fellow who at least makes Facebook posts while he runs. I am unlikely to do any such thing, even if I do ever upgrade my cellular experience. Never mind, I ran, enjoying my in-the-head narration, and now I am sitting at my computer, trying to remember the best parts for your entertainment.

I had a minor crisis before I even left the house of not being able to decide where to run. I’m not running for very long yet, so that limits my choices. I’m trying to run hills, so I can build up. Finally I decided on the hill by Valley Health, then perhaps some minor upgrades in the suburbs beyond.

At least, I call them the suburbs. It is just a purely residential area without sidewalks. None of the houses look very old. That is, not over 50 years old, I guess. That’s young in house years. I don’t really know from houses. Just that there are none of the huge old mansions I enjoy walking by in the village proper.

As soon as I left the house, I was aware of my hips. I felt like my love handles must stick out at least a foot in each direction. It made me think of some rather unsavory PSAs I sometimes hear on WVHC which postulate people’s body parts falling off due to increased exercise. I think they’re really gross. In one traffic is stopped due to somebody’s big old hips (or is it butt?) in the middle of the highway. In another a guy’s double chin falls off into the soup on a first date. That’s nasty! I know from experience that is NOT how weight loss happens. Yes, I KNOW they’re trying to make a point. Their point loses its impact by being anatomically impossible and they make at least me stop listening with these disgusting mental images (or perhaps I suffer from too vivid an imagination).

That was a long paragraph. Oh, there is one of those PSAs that I find completely realistic. A man calls a radio station to dedicate good-bye song to a relationship that didn’t last. It was with his big belly. He started doing things like taking the stairs, and they “started seeing less and less of each other.” THAT’S healthy weight loss! Thank you!

Unfortunately, thinking of all that while I ran only kept me occupied for a couple of blocks. I tried to feel happy about the definite upgrade as I ran out German Street. After all, more effort is a good thing. I ran by the turn to Herkimer County Community College (HCCC), the hill to which I aspire, and thought, maybe in a week or two. The hill by Valley Health posed no problems, and I ran on into the residential area.

I have always thought that many of these areas are laid out based on a plate of spaghetti. None of the roads are straight and they intersect each other in a strange, unpredictable fashion. It makes for an interesting run if you are not familiar with the area. Since I have not run there since last fall, that was me.

Yes, I got a little lost. I turned down a couple of streets that had a slight upgrade then went back in the direction I thought Valley Health was. Of course nothing looked familiar. Then I realized the street I was on came out nowhere near where I thought it did. Oh dear. Try this way. At last I saw Lou Ambers Drive. Yes! I know where that goes! The funny thing was, when I got to it I realized I was on the opposite side of it from what I thought I was. How did that happen? No matter, it was pretty obvious which way to turn now. I headed for home.

I suddenly see that I am over 700 words, and I thought of a lot more things to say about this run. I even left out some stuff about what happened so far! I could make a joke about being pretty long-winded for running out of breath so easily, but I actually have not had a problem breathing when I run for a while now. Instead, I’ll just end with the image of me headed home. Good run, long post. On to the rest of my Saturday!

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal, running, running commentary and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

It Is Friday, After All

Posted on June 15, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I just wrote (typed, really) a paragraph that I did not find too despicable, then realized I have probably said something quite similar on previous Lame Post Fridays. Perhaps several times. Oh dear.

A long time ago I instituted Lame Post Friday as a way to relax myself and celebrate the weekend. I had recently gone from a job with retail hours to a Monday through Friday job. The thrill of Friday has never quite worn off.

Ooh, that raises a potentially lame topic: When one has a Monday through Friday job, is the Thrill of Friday outweighed by the Drudgery of Monday? And for some people, the sadness begins on Sunday. I’m sitting here trying to think of a descriptive noun for Sunday. Not the Dread of Sunday, because that sounds like we’re dreading Sunday when we’re really talking about the Dread of Monday on Sunday, and that’s just not symmetrical enough for me. I’ll work on it.

In the meantime, I’ll finish out the post with something that amused me on a run that did not make it into the blog post. This will not only be amusing, it will make up for not having a Non-Sequitur Thursday yesterday.

As I ran through Myers Park, I wondered how “Myers” was spelled, in case I wanted to mention it in the blog post. I saw the sign that told how the space was previously a cemetery but the bodies were moved to make it a park. That naturally made me think of the movie Poltergeist, particularly the climactic scene, which I found quite hilarious, with Craig T. Nelson yelling at the real estate guy, “You son of a bitch, YOU DIDN’T MOVE THE BODIES!!!” While rotting corpses surged out of the mud. It was cool.

And that’s my post for today. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Leave a comment

Posted in humor, lame, personal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I Become a Fan

Posted on June 14, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had been wanting to go to Little Falls, NY, and watch the Diamond Dawgs play baseball for some time now. Last night I finally got the chance to do it.

I don’t follow any sports, but I like to watch almost any sport live. I say almost, because I haven’t tried them all. I’ve seen minor league baseball on a couple of occasions and enjoyed it very much. I had high hopes for the Dawgs, and they didn’t let me down.

Our friends Jim, Phyllis and Kelly (Jim and Phyllis are married, Kelly is their daughter; that sort of information always helps my mental image) are huge Yankees fans and have gone to see them play, so I was a little hesitant to ask if they’d like to go see the Little Falls team. Turns out they’ve been Diamond Dawgs fans for years. We made a plan to go.

We met for dinner first at Crazy Otto’s Empire Diner in Herkimer (just to give them another shout-out; love the fresh-made chips). We thought we knew where we were going but were happy to follow Jim just in case. The stadium is behind the Little Falls Hospital, which we have been to (perhaps I should start doing blog posts on medical facilities as well). We found parking spaces int he street fairly close and went in to find seats.

Last night’s giveaway was a coupon for a free Whopper. Not just a Whopper, I pointed out, but a Whopper Value Meal. I’m not a fan of fast food, but I might take advantage of something free (to be honest: it tastes good going down then sits there like a lump).

We decided on the bleachers rather than the benches right by the fence and sat in the first row. This still put us pretty close to the field. There was a platform behind home plate with some folding chairs and a small picnic table. I asked if it was VIP seating. Phyllis told me you could rent it for parties and that it seats about ten. That would rock for a kid’s birthday party.

The players in this league are college students from all over the country. They often get recruited into the major league from here. I liked how the announcer told us where each player was from whenever he was mentioned. I was especially happy to cheer the pitcher from Herkimer County Community College.

Every time the opposing player from Finger Lakes Community College was up to bat, I asked him why he didn’t bring any wine. I suspect he did not hear me, but it amused Phyllis and Kelly. We love Finger Lakes wine. And for anybody from the Finger Lakes huffing that there is more to the region than wine, oh, lighten up. Wine is a fine thing to be known for.

There were several prize giveaways as well as a 50/50 raffle, but we didn’t win anything. Of course, I only bought one 50/50 ticket, not an arm’s length as many others purchased. I told the ball player selling the tickets that I had spent the rest of my money on beer (stop shaking your finger at me; it wasn’t that much money or that much beer). He seemed to think this was an acceptable alternative.

Between innings the team mascot would have some sort of competition with a few kids. They ran around the bases doing calisthenics and had the dizzy bat contest. I think they got ice cream for their participation.

Of course we spent a good deal of time making silly jokes and smart remarks (I always say, go with your strengths). I observed that one player was pretty gorgeous. On being reminded I was old enough to be his mother, I replied, “I’m just looking. I can window shop things that aren’t my size.”

Jim told the opposing pitcher not to worry about the Dawgs trying to steal bases. “I’ll keep an eye on him! You can trust me!” Then when two of them were going for a fly ball, “I’ve got it!” One of them got it.

The stands weren’t filled but there was a goodly number of people there. Phyllis pointed out that it was a weeknight while school was still in session. Everybody seemed to be having a good time. I know I was.

Our guys lost, so that was a little disappointing. It was still a fun everning. I hope to catch more of the Diamond Dawgs. I’m a fan now. For more information, visit their website at http://www.mydiamonddawgs.com/. You can find them on Facebook under Mohawk Valley Diamond Dawgs.

Leave a comment

Posted in baseball, entertainment, humor, personal, sports and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Don’t Mind Me

Posted on June 13, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I delayed writing my blog post during my break at work in order to practice mindful eating. I couldn’t think of anything to write about anyways. Now that I’ve eaten and still have six minutes left on my break, I will attempt a Mid-week Middle-aged Musing on Mindfulness (enough Ms for you?).

I love to read while I eat. Or write. Or even watch television. We are told by nutrition experts (both real ones and the self-appointed kind) that this is the wrong thing to do. The theory is if you NOTICE your food while it is going in, you will feel more satisfied.

Many of us have observed the phenomenon of shoveling in food while distracted by book, computer, whatever, and suddenly realizing we’ve done away with an entire bag of chips. So the theory makes a lot of sense. I thought I’d try it. Full disclosure: I’ve tried it before and I can’t quite remember the results.

That was when my six minutes was up and I had to go back to work. I practiced mindful eating at lunch, too. It still only took me five minutes to eat my salad, but then I called Steven and talked rather than writing the rest of this blog post.

My conclusion is: if you’re eating something that tastes really good, mindful eating is the way to go. Enjoy it. I don’t imagine anybody needed me to tell them this, but, hey, I need a blog post and this is all I got.

On the brighter side, the reason I’m going with this instead of trying to come up with something more profound is that I have an authentic Mohawk Valley adventure planned. We’re going to see the Diamond Dawgs baseball team in Little Falls, NY. I’m hoping it’ll make a dandy blog post, and I’m hoping you’ll stay tuned.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, Middle-aged Musings, personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Oh, All Right, I’ll Run

Posted on June 12, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Whenever I can’t think of anything else to write about, I tell myself, just go running after work and write about that. This has the added advantage of encouraging me to run. I do like to run, but there are days it’s just not that easy to get started.

Today was one of them. I sat at work and looked at the rain. When I had seen rain in the forecast, I had decided that if it did not rain, I would run. If it rained, I was off the hook. I later thought that if I left work and it was raining, I would be so happy I didn’t have to run, I would do Shawshank Redemption (you know, how in that movie Tim Robbins stands with his arms outstretched in the middle of a downpour because he is so happy that… well, I don’t want to give anything away if you haven’t seen the movie).

As I was about to leave work I mentioned this to a couple of co-workers I usually walk out with. Previously when I had been debating whether or not to run, one of them had said, “Go an extra mile for us!” I had said, “I’ll be sure to do that! If I go,” thinking I would not. Incidentally, I did run that day (it was last Thursday) and later told my co-workers I had run the first mile for them.

Today, one co-worker happily pointed out that it had stopped raining. When I got outside, I said, “Oh, no, look, it is so raining!”

“It’s just misting! You can run!”

“Yes, but Tabby won’t want to walk my cool-down with me. Then I won’t get my cool-down.” Surely any excuse would do.

“The rain will cool you off!”

“Oh, all right, I’ll run. But I won’t go an extra mile for you two!” They agreed to the stipulation.

Let me tell you, the run was not that great, whoever I was running it for. I felt like I was dragging my ass along. I was a little surprised I didn’t actually feel it hit the pavement. I told myself, a little grimly, that I could be happy that at least I was able to drag my ass along. Talk about a small favor to be thankful for!

It stopped raining, so I debated incorporating that into my headline. That kept me distracted for at least a block. Then I admired some well-kept houses, especially with flowers in the front lawns or in flower boxes. One house with a severely overgrown lawn. Now Steven doesn’t have to feel so bad about ours. Some lovely porch furniture. Wouldn’t it be nice to be sitting on a porch right now? Well, if the seat was dry.

For part of the run my legs felt quite macaroni-ish, but I persevered. For one thing, walk or run, I had to get home somehow. Running takes less time. Not a whole lot less the way I run, but what are you going to do?

I ended up running for the same length of time I ran on Sunday, so I thought that was pretty good. I had set out with the idea that I would just run. I would be happy about it even if it was a very short run. Well, I don’t know that I exactly feel happy now, but there is a certain satisfaction.

With the run if not with the blog post, actually. I realize I left out a lot of the blow-by-blow narration that was running through my head at the time. I suppose that is always the case or it would be a dauntingly long post (for you as well as for me). But is the stuff I put in as good as the stuff I left out? I suppose we’ll never know.

Leave a comment

Posted in humor, personal, running, running commentary and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Beastly Cheese

Posted on June 11, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I DVR’d two movies from TCM on the strength of the word “beast” in their titles. I felt sure a monster would be involved.

Spoiler Alert! There isn’t really a whole lot to give away, being as there’s not a whole lot to the movie, but what little there is, I’m going to consider fair game.

I’ve only watched one of the beastly movies so far, The Beast from the Haunted Cave. I couldn’t make out the year during the credits (beastly Roman numerals), but it has a definite ’60s feel to it due to the music and the font of the credits.

It also has a definite B-movie feel to it. B for boring. I wondered why they were taking so long to get to the beast as well as so long between beastly sightings. Then it occurred to me: the purpose of the movie was to give teenagers at the drive-in an opportunity to make out. Really, the movie makers were practically performing a public service. If only my husband would have been home, I could have honored their original intentions.

As it was, I watched and knitted. And, you know what, I’m going to render my spoiler alert unnecessary and just talk about the movie in a general sort of way, because as I sit here with my pen in my hand (before my shift starts at work), I don’t feel like recounting the by-the-numbers plot and the so-obvious characters.

I could probably digress at this point into theories of writing, most particularly the Don’t Wait Till You Feel Like It school of thought. After all, today is Monday. It could be a Monday Middle-aged Musing. It would fit the movie, too, because this one gives plenty of opportunity for your thoughts to wander.

The action of the movie (Oh, OK, I’ll write about the movie) takes place on a snowy mountain, first at a lodge then at the hunky, upright ski instructor’s remote cabin (at least, he wasn’t my type, but they obviously meant for him to be hunky). Three bad guys plus the head bad guy’s girlfriend (or maybe secretary)(you know I don’t pay attention to these things) are planning to blow up a mine, steal a bunch of gold, then cross-country ski to the aforementioned cabin to meet their plane which will take them to Canada.

I would have liked to see the plane that could land on a mountain in the middle of the woods. Unfortunately, it never shows up, due to a blizzard which we also don’t get to see. We also don’t get to see the mine explode, which I think would have been pretty cool.

Speaking of not getting to see things, we also don’t get a good look at the beast till nearly the end of the picture. This, of course, is often an excellent means to build suspense and render the monster even more scary when it finally shows up. The technique was used to great effect in Jaws. I’m pretty sure Spielberg didn’t have anything to do with this movie.

When we first encounter the beast (as I said, not as early as I would have liked), we see some weird double-exposured gossamer-looking stuff, then a hairy tentacle — a giant spider leg? — grabbing a beautiful brunette (never be a beautiful girl in a monster movie unless you’re the main one; she’s the only one with a shot at making it to the end).

Then we get to watch a LOOOOONG sequence of everybody cross-country skiing to the cabin. They even camp out in the snow. What kind of a getaway plan is this, anyways? But I suppose one mustn’t look too closely at the plot gyrations which lead the characters to encounter the beast. I think I’ve mentioned before, if movie people behaved sensibly, we would have much shorter movies (which might not have hurt this one, but then what would I be writing my blog post about?).

I’d just like to also mention, we don’t get to the Haunted Cave till almost the very end. Hunky ski instructor and secretary/girlfriend are escaping on cross-country skis when the blizzard hits (of course, the effects budget only covered grey skies). He suggests they hole up in a “haunted cave” that just happens t be nearby till the storm is over.

Excuse me, what? Like a haunted cave is a feature just anybody might have on their vacation property. What does that look like on the real estate listing?

The ending (guess I did need the spoiler alert) is extremely disappointing. Basically, the beast dies and its the end of the movie. You don’t even get to find out which characters live (there’s even some question about the beautiful brunette, remember her?) or what happens to the gold. I don’t mind assuming hunk and secretary get together, but are the other bad guys all dead, do they go to jail or reform their life of crime? What?

I know what regular readers are thinking: I need to start paying better attention to these movies I write about. Well, I thought I was, and I’m not about to subject myself to this turkey again to find out. I can only hope I like the next beast better.

As an added note, I looked the movie up in VideoHound’s Golden Retriever (Thomson Gale, 2005) and learned that the movie, which was made in 1960, was produced by Gene Corman, who is Roger Corman’s brother. A Roger Corman movie, of course, has unimpeachable cheese credentials. I had noticed Gene’s last name but hadn’t thought he could be related. Small world. And speaking of brothers, one of the actors was Richard Sinatra, Frank’s brother. VideoHound thought highly of his performance.

Leave a comment

Posted in entertainment, humor, movies and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Sunday Running Commentary

Posted on June 9, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

Headache gone, no rain, no ideas for a blog post, everything was encouraging me to run this morning. I was alert and ready to find stuff to comment about.

It was good running temperature when I started out, not too warm, not too cold. I wanted to cross German Street and run up the hill out Main Street. Traffic was against me. Well, two trucks, anyways. What was that all about? At quarter after seven on a Sunday morning! No matter, there’s a four way stop at the intersection of Main and German.

Hmmm… no traffic now. Should I cross in the middle of the block or wait for the crosswalk? I decided to wait. Sure enough, a car reached the intersection at the same time I did. The nice lady driving waved me across. I waved “Thank you,” and she waved “You’re welcome!” I thought as I ran on that she probably thought she should encourage a middle-aged bald lady to keep running.

Then I wondered if she had noticed my bald head at all. For anyone just tuning in, last Sunday I participated in a St. Baldrick’s Day event. They shaved my head after I went around asking family and friends to donate to children’s cancer research. My Facebook profile picture is bald now, too. My mom told me that a cousin had noticed it and asked if I was sick. Well, the hair is growing back already, so I probably won’t startle anybody else.

Up the hill at the end of Main Street. The sign says it is a dead end, but a pedestrian can get through. I continued up the hill a little longer but took the second opportunity to turn off. Phew! I am working up to running the hill at Herkimer County Community College (HCCC). That is a major hill, which I used to run on a weekly basis, just to be cool. My friend Phyllis brags on me, “She runs up the hill to HCCC!” So I think I’d better start doing it again.

Oh, downhill is nice. I enjoyed the downhill part. I saw a lady in a nightgown taking her dog out for a business meeting in the yard. She quickly turned back towards the house. I pretended not to see her, being that she was in her nightgown after all. I was distracted by a profusion of peonies in a yard across the street anyways. I love peonies.

I ran on, admiring various porches with decorations. Hanging plants, nice porch furniture, little statues. I saw a very nice carved bear in a front garden. It was chained to the porch. I didn’t blame the people for that. Ooh, there was a big lilac bush. Must get me some lilac shoots. My sister who lives in Marcy has some. It takes a few years, but eventually I, too, can smell the lilacs.

My run did not get too uncomfortable till towards the end. My strength was giving out. Well, sinus medicines often have a detrimental effect on your body, and I did take some stuff yesterday for my headache. I persevered and made the time I had set for myself (ten percent longer than I ran last weekend, per advice from the guys at The Sneaker Store in New Hartford, NY).

Walking my cool-down with my schnoodle Tabby felt great. I had worked up a sweat while running, but the cool breeze through the stubble on my head was nice. We saw some neighbors who Tabby particularly likes setting up for a garage sale. Tabby insisted we stop and chat. At least, the people chatted, the dog got petted.

I was glad I had gone for my run. I looked at my week ahead to plan further runs. That hill up to HCCC is mine!

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, humor, personal, running, running commentary and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Running Nose Commentary?

Posted on June 9, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

If anybody was looking forward to Saturday Running Commentary, which I restarted last week, quite frankly, so was I. Unfortunately, I’ve had a rather ghastly headache since about two this morning and running is not in the cards.

Oh, I KNOW there are people out there who run NO MATTER WHAT. Power to them. I thought I was doing pretty good running in the rain on Thursday. It wasn’t raining very hard. And no lightning. I don’t care how motivated and dedicated you are or think you are, it’s not very smart to run when there’s lightning.

So I’ve spent the morning throwing things at my stomach and head (yes, the stomach got into the act, too), and trying to clean my house. My mom and dad might stop over tonight. Oh, I KNOW they’re coming to see me, not my house. Still, I like my house to look nice for my parents of all people.

I got through the morning by promising myself I could write a blog post about it. It is really cool how narrating in your head can help you though the most heinous tasks. I must say I highly recommend this blogging hobby. It certainly enhances the quality of my life.

First I cleaned the bathroom, making mental notes about the cleaning products I used and how hard I scrubbed the various parts. I had a bit of a crisis when I couldn’t find the glass cleaner or the broom, but everything resolved itself and the bathroom doesn’t look too bad (I’ve checked it out numerous times since, as a result of my efforts to stay hydrated. Remember, when you are not feeling well, STAY HYDRATED) (a physician’s assistant told me that when I was being seen for that stomach bug I suffered recently).

My in-my-head-as-it-happened commentary was actually more detailed than that. I decided to spare my readers. In fact, I see my word count is over 300. That’s usually pretty good for a blog where I don’t really have anything to talk about.

Just a word about my title. I suspect my headache is due to sinuses, therefore the reference to runny nose. However, since I didn’t actually mention my sinuses till just now, I guess we could call this Non-Sequitur Saturday. That does sound better than Another Damn Sick Day, doesn’t it?

Leave a comment

Posted in blogging, commentary, humor, personal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I Hope I Don’t Regret This Post

Posted on June 8, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

There is a saying I’ve seen floating around for years now that I think is pretty half-baked. I would like to take my Friday Lame Post to philosophize about it, half-bakedly of course (or would it be quarter-bakedly, since it started out as half? Something else to philosophize about, done to taste).

For anyone just tuning in (I think I did just get a couple new followers. Hi, guys!), Lame Post Friday is the day I take it easy with random observations and half-baked philosophy. Lately I’ve been heavy on the half-baked, but you’ll have that at my age (middle).

The only things you regret are the things you don’t do.

On the surface of it, it’s pretty profound. I regret that I never went to college. I regret that I never traveled to Europe. I regret that I never tap-danced on Broadway.

But look a little more deeply. According to this philosophy, nobody ever does anything bad. Haven’t you ever been sorry about the hurtful thing you said or did without thinking? Yes, I heard you in the back, piping up with, “I regret that I didn’t keep my mouth shut!” That’s just arguing semantics. In some cases what you do is actually regrettable.

If you would like to see some examples, I refer you to one of my favorite guilty pleasures, World’s Dumbest on TruTV. Thrill Seekers, Partiers, Record Breakers, Motorheads and more, this show features many people doing really stupid things, most of it on purpose. Of course, a lot of those people express no regret. From their hospital bed or on the gurney being loaded into the ambulance, they’re all thumbs up and “Yeah! I went for it!” Well, to each his own, as the old lady said when she kissed the cow. Or have they just disproven my argument?

I think what bothers me is the black-and-white nature of the statement. Why don’t you say, “You often regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do”?

But as long as we’re philosophizing, let’s just throw out that that regret is a colossal waste of time and we are best served by going on from here. I am reminded of what the mother of some friends of mine used to say. When asked did she ever regret not doing some things, she said, “No, because look at all the things I’ve done.”

I wonder if anybody out there was wondering if I would make this personal (I guess it is a personal blog, after all) and share the many things from my past that I regret. Um, I mean the one or two things. Um, I mean, I don’t regret anything! It’s a colossal waste of time!

In other words, NO, I’M NOT GOING TO LIST FOR YOU ALL THE STUPID THINGS I WISH I HAD NEVER DONE! But you could probably ask my family and they would tell you a few.

Leave a comment

Posted in commentary, half baked philosophy, humor, personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

I’ll Say the Lights Went Out

Posted on June 7, 2013 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have always been cursed with the habit of listening to the lyrics of popular songs, at least when you can understand them. I think I’m going to instate a new feature where I talk about some of the more egregious ones. I will begin with the granddaddy of all stupid lyrics, “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia.”

I will begin with the premise that the reader knows the lyrics. After all, this was one of the great hairbrush songs of the ’70s (you know, where you used a hairbrush as a microphone and sang along with the 45?). So if you don’t know the song, you might like to go listen to it, then read the rest of this.

From beginning to end, the song is ridiculous. First stanza, the guy’s been gone for two weeks and stops for a drink before going home to his wife. What kind of a marriage is that? His wife shouldn’t have cheated on him; she should have dumped his sorry ass!

His friend Andy, for reasons best known to himself, tells him his wife isn’t at home and has been seeing “that Amos boy, Sid.” Then when the guy sees red, Andy confesses he’s been with the wife himself. Excuse me, what? Why would you tell this to a man that is already seeing red? What kind of a death wish does this Andy have, anyways? Nobody is really surprised when, a few lines later, we learn that Andy doesn’t have many friends.

One thing I was never clear on: Was the wife seeing both Andy and Sid Amos or was Andy throwing an innocent man into the line of fire? If they would have made a movie of this this song (I’m a little surprised they didn’t), Sid would have had a pathetically small part.

With only a passing thought to his missing wife (“must’ve left town”), the brother goes off with murder on his mind. I believe this is the first time the singer mentions that it’s her brother. And in the first indication of how dysfunctional the family is, we learn that the only thing his father left him was a gun. Well, maybe Papa was poor. I guess he’s dead and we needn’t concern ourselves with him, but I must say he certainly didn’t raise his kids right.

Off through the woods to kill Andy, Brother sees somebody else’s tracks (only now do I wonder how he could see them in the woods with the lights out) (really, this song is the gift that keeps on giving).

Where to begin with the next event? He’s going to kill Andy, finds out Andy is already dead. Instead of saying, “Saves me the trouble” and quietly going home and getting on match.com, he calls the police. And not by picking up a phone and dialing 911 or even saying, “Operator, get me the police!” (it was the ’70s, after all) (yeah, that match.com line was an anachronism): he fires his gun. The mind boggles. How did he even find his way home from Candletown when he clearly does not have the brains he was born with.

My sisters and I speculated that the judge was riding around in the car with the sheriff, because the “make-believe trial” happened so fast. I imagine the lack of ballistics report and investigation of clues such as the small footprints saved a lot of time.

They must have strung him up pretty fast, though, to not give his little sister time to pipe up and say she done it. Kind of a disingenuous argument after all: “I didn’t have TIME to save my brother and get hung myself!” Fast as she was about shooting everybody else, I find that a little hard to believe.

Another big question I have is: how come she hid the wife’s body were it’ll “never be found” but left Andy lying “in a puddle of blood” for all to see? And come to think about it, who shoots somebody for cheating on their brother? Did I mention dysfunctional family earlier? I guess so!

And can I just say, getting cheated on is grounds for DIVORCE! And when your best friend is sleeping with your wife you FIND A NEW BEST FRIEND! And when your brother faces these problems, what a little sister should offer is a shoulder to cry on and the name of a good divorce lawyer.

I’m sure there are many good songs about cheating wives and bad friends that do not involve murder. They probably won’t make such fun blog posts, though.

1 Comment

Posted in commentary, humor, music and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.
← Older Posts
Newer Posts →