Category Archives: humor

That Squirrel Didn’t Bring Me a Present!

Posted on December 25, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I have about twenty minutes before Steven gets home from work and thought I might be able to get my blog post done.  He fooled me yesterday.  I thought he worked till 5:30 but it was only till five.  He’s sneaky that way, but I think I have the right time today.  What I do not have is a blog post, but we’ll see what I can come up with.

Earlier today, I was out on our deck, taking out the trash and recyclables, when I heard a hoarse chirpy kind of sound.  This dumb squirrel was on our tree, eating a nut and, apparently, taking exception to my presence on my own deck.  I told him what I thought, but he was not impressed.  Like any self-respecting person of the 21st century would do, I went inside to get a device to take his picture.

If I only had audio, you could hear how audacious this critter was.

I’m afraid it is a little too dark, but my Tablet does not have a flash.  At least, maybe it does but I don’t know how to turn it on.  OK, I am not really a self-respecting person of the 21st century, but I would like to be someday.

Anyways, I sat down to write a blog post with the words “But Here’s a Squirrel” in the title, then I thought I’d like to add a couple more pictures.  So here is an update on a couple of our Christmas decorations.  We’ve added presents.

Steven surprised me with this tableau.

It seems so appropriate for Santa Claus to hold my Christmas presents until you remember: he gives presents to GOOD little boys and girls.  I’ve always suspected that elf was a pushover.  These presents have been on our stairs for a few days now, but I just added the following yesterday:

But can we trust this motley crew not to open them?

This scene is a little busier, and the presents are not wrapped as well.  No matter.  It is Christmas Eve.  This is the day we realize we are not going to have the Norman Rockwell, Hallmark Card Christmas we envisioned back in November, and that is OK.  Enjoy your Christmas if you celebrate it; if not, enjoy whatever you do.  Peace.

 

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Couldn’t It Just Be About Egg Nog?

Posted on December 24, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Oh dear, am I going to have a Wrist to Forehead Saturday on Christmas Eve Eve? It would seem that way, since I am currently, clench-teethedly fighting the type-it-in-then-backspace-it-out disease.  I have not done enough for a Scattered Saturday.  I did not go running.  I left the house once, and the most notable thing about that was how much further around the parking lot I walked to avoid stepping in deep puddles.  All I could think of was how I used to LOVE slushing through the slush when I was a kid.  And how dumb I was not to wear my flood boots.  Well, one cannot always think of everything.

I have been doing some Christmas making but not baking.  White Trash and Chex Party Mix (full disclosure: I use store brand cereal).  I thought I might forgo the cookies but now am second-guessing myself.  I could spend the evening or tomorrow morning baking cookies.  How can I have Christmas without cookies?  What kind of a lazy, Scroogey, Grinchy kind of scumbag am I?  And I already bought the chocolate chips.  How selfish would it be of me to keep them from their ultimate destiny of brightening somebody’s Christmas in a delicious cookie.

This is how I beat myself up at the holidays.  If dithering burned calories, I could eat all the cookies I wanted and still be a size five (yes, I was a size five once, as an adult; it didn’t last long).  I know, Christmas is not supposed to be about material things like presents and good food (or presents of good food), but presence and good friends (the presence of good friends) and family.  My problem is I am not such a great shakes as a human being that people should be happy just to see ME.  And it is certainly a lot easier to bake cookies and wrap a present than to try to improve my humanity.

Oh well, maybe my small heart will grow three sizes one day.  In the meantime, I am over 300 words and I just thought of a fairly catchy title for this foolishness.  It makes it a kind of a Non-Sequitur Saturday, but I like it.  Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everyone.

 

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Late, Lame, but Not Lean

Posted on December 23, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yesterday I took a real Blogger’s Sick Day.  Judge me if you like, but one can only do so many things when one has a migraine.  Determination will only take you so far.  I was going to say “discipline,” but we all know I am notoriously undisciplined, while nobody refutes that I have a marvelously thick skull.  Maybe that’s my problem with all the headaches.

Just to throw this in there:  I AM doing something about the headaches.  I shall not elaborate on what, because, you know, HIPAA and all that.

Last night I felt incapable of even Lame Post Friday. How unlike me.  It was the last day of work before what I will call Christmas shut-down. I rather thought more people would be feeling more giddy, myself included.  I knew I should have brought cookies.  There is nothing like home-baked cookies to spread the Christmas spirit, as well as to add to the hip-spread of people who really need no help in that direction, myself included.

Yes, I have been sadly aware that this is a HUGE time of year for getting, well, huge.  I knew it was coming; the calendar is remarkably predictable each year, and I have been around quite a number of years.  So did I prepare by dropping a few pounds ahead of time (yes, I KNOW yo-yo dieting is a terrible thing; I’m only talking about five pounds, is that such a problem?)?  Of course not!  I’m still trying to drop the few pounds I put on last Christmas!

So this is my Friday Lame Post:  a late lament about my weight.  I believe that is sufficiently lame, yet universal enough that I hope some people are at least mildly entertained.  For those of you who are not so plagued by those pounds (either by not putting them on or not caring if you do), you may bask in the glow of superiority.   We’ll call that just another service I provide.

 

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Maybe If I Left Out a Couple Geese A-Laying

Posted on December 22, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am even more tired now than I was on Tired Tuesday!  What the hell, me?  No matter.  I have one more day of work to get through, then I have the next week and one day off.  And only about a million and twelve things to do before Christmas on Monday.  Ooh, I randomly decided to put 1,000,012 instead of a more mundane 1,000,000, then I realized “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”  So I went ahead and changed my headline.

I had originally put, “At Least I Chopped the Celery.”  I was going to do a kind of a Scattered Thursday, because I did a bit of running around after work today, which is no doubt why I am so tired (yuh think?). However, I just realized that I cannot very well talk about where all I stopped, because I was buying Christmas presents.  The recipients MIGHT read my blog post (or do I flatter myself?) and guess what I got them!  Worse yet, they might guess wrong and get their hopes up for a better present than I actually selected.  Oh, the pain. (Yes, that is a period there, not an exclamation point; I was being Dr. Smith from Lost in Space; remember how he always said that in such a quiet, tired voice?).

So this is your basic Non-Sequitur Thursday post.  At least I got it over 200 words.  And I like the headline.  I hope to see you all again tomorrow on Lame Post Friday.

 

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So Many Sweet Choices!

Posted on December 21, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last Saturday, my husband Steven and I made another sweet stop (in addition to the stop at So Sweet Candy Cafe, which I wrote about on Monday), at Honey Brook Hobbies in Ilion, NY.  Alas, I did not take any pictures.  But I thought in lieu of my usual Wuss-out Wednesday,  would give a fun business a quick shout-out.

In addition to freshly made baked goods and candy, Honey Brooks offers a variety of toys, decorations, and gifts.  I love reading all the hand-made signs with sweet and funny sayings.  Steven looked speculatively at some soft fuzzy blankets, and I found a good Christmas present for my great-nephew Shepherd (I don’t have to worry about him seeing this; he doesn’t read blogs yet).  With great self-control I did not purchase any baked goods, but Steven treated himself to an eclair.

As I looked over Honey Brook’s Facebook page just now, I keep seeing all these pictures of cookies.  Dammit!  I just bought some cookies at Friendly Bake Shop in Franklin, and I was NOT going to purchase any more!  Well, if I refrain from getting any of these yummy cookies, I can always go back around Steven’s birthday and order a wonderful custom-made cake.  Or should I do that from the So Sweet Candy Cafe?  Or Friendly Bake Shop?  Oh dear!

As we paid for our purchases, on Saturday I told the Honey Brooks lady how we had been at the So Sweet Candy Cafe earlier.  She did not seem to mind us talking about the competition.  Well, I think there is plenty enough room for more than one bakery in the Mohawk Valley.  Of course it will not help me reach my weight-loss goals if I feel I must purchase yummy baked goods from all of them.

Honey Brook Hobbies is located at 4 E. Main St., Ilion, NY, 315-444-8254. You can Like them on Facebook, and visit their website at https://www.honeybrookhobbies.com/.

 

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You-Know-What Kind of Tuesday

Posted on December 20, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Guess which one is me.

I was looking in my Media Library for my picture of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff with Lugosi saying, “Thank God it’s Friday,” and Karloff saying, “You idiot, it’s Tuesday!”  when I noticed the poop and said, “Hey!  That’s what I feel like right now!”  This is, of course, fake poop.  You see, I can’t even feel like poop properly!  I feel like fake doodoo!  I hope the humor obscures the fact that I am once again complaining about how I feel.

 

Here are my guys!

For the record, I did not for one teeny-tiny, itty-bitty second today feel that it was Friday.  I felt all happy on Sunday that I only had to work five days before having a week off.  Hell, it’s still five days!  Don’t mind me; my life is really not as bad as all that.  I’ve just had a kind of a not very enjoyable day.  You know the days when it seems that there are 82 minutes in each hour and maybe 112 seconds per minute.  I finally got home to begin working on Christmas stuff I need to get done, and I feel SO TIRED!

Then again, that is perfectly appropriate for Tired Tuesday.  Oh, here’s a Freudian typo:  at first I started to type Turd Tuesday.  Teehee!  I wonder if I dare put that for the headline.

 

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Sweet Stop on Saturday

Posted on December 19, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

What could be more seasonal than candy, fudge and yummy stuff?  Oh, who am I kidding?  I eat sweets and fattening things all year long.  However, during the holidays, we can all pretend we have a good excuse, and I will thank you NOT to rain on the yummy stuff parade (you know who you are).  This by way of introduction to a well-deserved shout-out to the So Sweet Candy Cafe in Utica, NY.

I do not get to the So Sweet as often as I would like, because I do not get to Utica as often as I used to.  However, when Steven had last Saturday off and the So Sweet was having a Holiday Open House, we naturally seized the opportunity.  I remembered to bring my Tablet, so I could take a few pictures for the blog.

I love an old fashioned Santa even more than I love the old fashioned candy.

One reason for seasonal visits to the cafe is that they decorate accordingly.  Steven and I both admired the Santa, and made several slow trips around the display looking at the stocking stuffers.  Covered pretzel rods, candy canes, and old fashioned candies like Lemon Drops and Boston Baked Beans…

This is where the Skelleton sat in October.

Because it was the Open House, there were some free samples.  Naturally I tried a few.  Then, since we definitely wanted some fudge, we asked to sample that too.

Mmmmm…. fudge…

 

It was delicious fudge for a really quite reasonable price.  We got three different kinds, a quarter pound of each.

I should have gotten a couple of close-ups of some of the fancy shaped truffles.

We ended up not getting any of the fancy stuff from the truffle case, but I’m afraid I stared at it so long that the calories seeped in through my eyeballs.

It was a fun and delicious part of our Saturday morning adventures.  We still have not eaten all the fudge and candy we purchased.  That may not stop me from sneaking back again before Christmas.  I may need some truffles.  Or cookies.  Or biscotti.  Or….

The So Sweet Candy Cafe is located at 531 Varick St., Utica, phone number 315-765-6463.  They are open 8:o0 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 8 to 7 Friday, 8 to 4 Saturday, and 9 to 1 Sunday.

 

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Does Santa Give Coal to Bad Bloggers?

Posted on December 18, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Some bloggers have guest bloggers or re-blog others’ blogs on a Sunday.  Maybe I should consider doing something like that.  Or I could keep having posts like Wrist to Forehead Sunday, when I really don’t feel capable of posting anything good, yet I like to post every day.  Oh, what the hell.  You can always feel smugly superior, all you bloggers who make better posts than this on a regular basis. Or you can just point and laugh.  You know who you are.

So Christmas Eve is one week from today.  Am I ready for such a thing?  Of course not!  Why would I be!  But I am tremulously happy that I have five more days of work, then a week and a day off.  Yes!  You would not think it was a mere three weeks since I had time off, or that I have had every weekend off for a very long time.  I can’t help how I feel.  I want some time off.  I’m sure many people can understand this feeling.  Those of you who can’t, well, congratulations on your far superior work ethic.

Where was I?  Ah yes, nowhere in particular.  Just trying to type a few remarks in so I can continue to pretend to be a daily blogger.  I hope you are all having a lovely December.  Steven and I had a few friends over last night.  I guess you could call it a Christmas party, although I usually invite more of a crowd to a party (so any local friends who are thinking, “She didn’t invite ME to her party,” please don’t feel bad).  We had a very fun time.

I did a very little Christmas shopping this morning.  And by “very little,” I’m afraid I mean I purchased one present for one person may or may not like it  and bought a bunch of stuff for myself.  In my defense, most of what I bought for myself was yarn to make more afghans which I will give away (I have plenty of afghans of my own).  It is not a great defense, however, because I love to sit on my couch, watch TV, and crochet an afghan.

Speaking of which, that is exactly what I want to continue to do.  This is Wrist to Forehead Sunday merely because I fear I am not making a good blog post.  I am having a rather enjoyable time apart from that.  I hope my readers have had a wonderful weekend.

 

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Setting an Example on Scattered Saturday

Posted on December 17, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I pause amidst my Saturday gyrations for a Scattered Saturday post.  It’s going to be a quick one, too, because I am frying sausage and it does not do to neglect these things.

My wonderful husband, Steven, had a rare day off, so we wanted to spend at least some time having a few minor Mohawk Valley adventures.  Accordingly, we got an early start and headed to Utica to the So Sweet Candy Cafe for their open house.  Heading back to Ilion, we went to Honey Brook Hobbies, Ilion Wine and Spirits, and Original Herkimer Cheese.  I can do blog posts about all these things, and I hope to in the coming days.

Before and after our adventures, I wrote out a few more Christmas cards.  Alas, I was not in time to get them to the post office before it closed.  It was, in fact, a little cold to walk to the post office, much less go running.  I daresay I should not have let that stop me had I been on my own for the day.  Perhaps a walk to the post office tomorrow, or even later today and look at other people’s Christmas lights.

And what about a run, you may ask.  Well may you ask! I confess, after the Reindeer Run 5K, I once again fell off the running wagon.  I did not mean to, but, well, these things happen.  Now I begin to repeat to myself the mantra: If you are too busy to exercise, you are too busy.  Substitute “lazy” for “busy,” though. Sorry folks, but there it is.  I set a bad example.

But here I am approaching 300 words.  Doesn’t that set a good example for making a blog post every day?  Oh well, given the general quality of my posts, perhaps not.  Then again, some people find them amusing. For those who do not, there are other blogs to read.  Happy Saturday, everyone.

 

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Is It Friday Already, Finally?

Posted on December 16, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes, it is another Late, Lame post.  I wonder if I should make a sub-category to reflect that?  Nah, I’ll just post.  I confess, I had my doubts this week as to whether I would make it to Friday, or indeed, if Friday would ever come.  You’ll have that.

So with Friday came the deadline for Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  If I was a really good writer, like I pretend I am, this would not matter, because I would have already written my article or articles and submitted them.  And here we come to the ugly truth about me. However, I did what I could and submitted something that I feel is not completely contemptible.

Then I had to rush into some nice-looking clothes, because my friend, Kim, was picking me up to go to a wine tasting at Valley Wine and Liquor.  It was Adirondack Winery of Lake George.  I have tasted their stuff before but never been to the winery.  I must get there one day, though, because they have some dry wines that are not carried by the liquor store so were not available for tasting.

From the wine tasting, Kim and I headed to the Herkimer Elks Lodge for Cucina Berto’s Tom & Jerry Night.  Steven joined us already in progress.  We had a couple Tom & Jerry’s, and Steven and I each had a cup of Italian Wedding Soup.  Yummy!

And now we are home.  I’m afraid this post will read like a Flustered Friday, and indeed, parts of it felt flustered to me.  However, it was a fun Friday, and I am looking forward to an equally fun Saturday.  I’ll write a blog post about it.

 

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