Category Archives: humor

Just Write?

Posted on June 11, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Write anything, just write.  That is the advice they give us.

“Who is ‘they’?” you may ask in that superior tone that so annoys me.  I may well ask back, “Who are YOU?”  Oh yeah, the critics in my head.  Who invited them to this blog post anyways?

So now I’ve written a whole paragraph without too much pain or problem.  I could go on like that, but am I really best served by doing so?  Another bit of writerly advice I’ve heard is, “Give that inner critic a voice, maybe even a name.  Write out your arguments with him or her.”  The idea is I will see how spurious the inner critic’s criticisms are and/or I will become bored with listening to that fool and tune him or her out.  So there.

Do all writers have this inner critic and are all inner critics as snarky and annoying as mine?  I would not be a bit surprised.

Regular readers know I have had a bit of a problem lately.  The other day I made up my mind to Just Write More.  Of course this is a recipe for ensuring that the one thing I just can’t/don’t want to do is write.  I tried to circumvent the automatic reaction with the caveat that I could Just Write  ANYTHING.  I also sternly told myself to Just Write Anyways.

And I have written, at least in dribs and drabs.  A couple of paragraphs in the TV Journal.  A few more lines on the banana play.  A not too contemptible lead for an article for Mohawk Valley Living (along with a few contemptible leads I crossed out).  Part of a letter to my sister.  And of course blog posts.

As I often observe, one must persevere.  Ah, I think that can count as a random observation.  Remember, today is Lame Post Friday, my day for random observations and half-baked philosophy.  I think this whole post counts as the latter.  Happy Friday, everyone.

 

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Post on the Pending Pooch

Posted on June 10, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Oh dear, I’m afraid this may become Non-Sequitur Thursday after all, because all I can come up with so far is the headline.  Still, it would be rude not to explain.  Kind of like those people on Facebook who make posts like, “What a big decision to make!” or “I may have some big news to share” or… you know.  It drives everybody nuts, but apparently the temptation to do so is almost overwhelming.

However, this is not Facebook but my own blog and although I maintain I have a perfect right to pair what title and post I please, I will explain.

Regular readers may remember that Steven and I lost our beloved schnoodle Tabby last June.  We have greatly missed having a dog in the house.  We knew we would eventually get another pooch.  Of course there will never be another Tabby (I feel sad all over again just thinking about her), but many dogs need love and a home, and we could surely benefit from the love and companionship of a dog.

Steven suggested we look for a dog in May, after Leading Ladies (remember, that play I directed at Ilion Little Theatre?).  Well, May came and went, and we just did not make it over to the Herkimer County Humane Society (except for their garage sale, where I bought some fun stuff.  Did I write a blog post about that?).  We did not make it to their Mutt Strut either, although we had planned to. Was it ever going to be dog o’clock for us?

Then The Velvet Dog, where we used to bring Tabby to be groomed, posted a picture of a quite adorable Shih Tzu who needed a home because his owner had died.  Spunky was ten years old, older than we had envisioned.  We would hope to have more years with our new dog than we had with Tabby.  Still, he needed a home!  And many people are unwilling to adopt a ten year old dog for the same reason which made us hesitate.

After asking many questions about Spunky via Facebook, Steven made arrangements to go to The Velvet Dog Wednesday morning to meet him.  I couldn’t wait till lunch time to call Steven and see how it went (but I DID wait, I was not on my cell phone during work hours, just in case any bosses read this blog) (oh who am I kidding?  My boss probably doesn’t even know I write a blog!).  I confess I would not have been disappointed to find out Spunky was already at our house.  However, Steven rarely behaves in a thoroughly reckless fashion.  He liked Spunky but wanted me to meet him too.

Accordingly, I met Steven at The Velvet Dog after work yesterday to become acquainted with Spunky.  What a cute little dog he is!  He is not nearly as rambunctious and friendly as Tabby was, but he allowed me to hold and pet him.  He is still very sad and confused.  When I set him down, he kept going to the door and looking out, presumably wondering why his person hadn’t come to get him.  That made me very sad for him.

Steven suggested we pick him up on Sunday.  We both have the day off so can spend a good amount of time with him before leaving him to go to work on Monday.  I am SO looking forward to having a dog again!  I will probably write a lot of blog posts about him.

 

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Why Wuss out Now?

Posted on June 9, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Earlier today I was afraid this would be a Wuss-out Wednesday post and, well, here we are.  I don’t have any excuse, although I suppose I could make something up. In fact, perhaps I ought to make something up.  It would exercise my fiction muscles.

Let’s see… inclement weather?  A tornado kept me hiding in my basement, where the dampness irritated my sinuses to the point that composing a post became impossible.  Nah, nobody will buy that.  Local readers know the weather has not been bad and non-local readers can check the National Weather Service or someplace.  What else may be keeping me from posting?  A traumatic experience on the way home from work.  I was accosted by brigands.  Or does that mean pirates?  Desperadoes.  No, that’s the Old West.  Common or garden muggers? No, no, I would just write a blog post about that.

Anyways, this is not a fiction blog.  Other bloggers post stories or portions of stories, or veer off into fantasy.  I enjoy reading them, but I have never followed suit. I write fiction in my non-blogging writing life.  Novels, plays, murder mysteries and the occasional children’s story.  And let’s not forget my resume (just kidding; I don’t have a resume).

The fact is, I have not been doing enough writing of any kind lately.  The only cure for that is to Write More.  I shall get right on that and report back tomorrow what all I have written.  As always I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

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Comfort Food at Froggy’s

Posted on June 8, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

When Steven and I wanted to grab a quick bit in Ilion today, we thought of Froggy’s Take-Out.  I was glad we did, because we hadn’t been there yet this year.  It is a little, seasonal place located on a busy corner.  We pulled into the parking lot and walked up to the order window, following the sign that said “Enter.”

We actually have never taken out at Froggy’s.  We sit at the picnic tables under a tent in the parking lot.  They are large, highly polished, green tables.  I like looking around at other Ilion businesses and all the traffic.  Lots of people drive through Ilion at four in the afternoon!

I was immediately interested in two large pieces of chocolate cake under a glass. However, we were there for dinner not dessert. The lady working made a spirited attempt to get us to buy one or both of them to take with us, but I remembered my weight-loss goals.  We both ordered cheeseburgers deluxe, which means mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato and onion.  Perhaps this was not the most diet-friendly fare, but at least it was not deep fried (one of my favorite flavors).  What really made my meal bad for my waistline was the chocolate shake.  Don’t judge.

As usual when I have a cheeseburger and chocolate shake, I reminded Steven that this was Shelley Winters’ favorite comfort food.  It was a good meal.  Steven, who had ordered coffee, helped me finish the chocolate shake.  As we sat and ate, we looked at some pictures depicting other menu selections.  Hoffman hot dog, grilled chicken sandwich, deep-fried oreo cookies, root-beer float… we may need to make several more trips to Froggy’s.

Froggy’s Take-Out is located at 4 West Clark St., Ilion, NY, next to Heads R Turning Spa and Salon.  Phone number is 315-894-1400.  You can Like them on Facebook and sign up for coupons as www.FroggysTakeOut.com.

 

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I Made My Legs Do It

Posted on June 7, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I said yesterday that today was going to be Monday Mental Meanderings. Then I came home and went running so I thought I might do a Monday Running Commentary.

It was quite warm at work today, and I was on my feet most of the day.  My legs were not the least bit happy about it.  I believe I have forgotten to mention that I did not go running Saturday or Sunday (don’t judge).  I knew it would be a good idea to run.  I rarely run on Monday, and there was that little devil on my shoulder saying, “Three days off isn’t so bad.  You can run on Tuesday, sure, you’ll run on Tuesday.”  The devil went on to list all the other things I really ought to do that I would no doubt be too tired to accomplish if I ran.  It got boring to listen to after a while so I started thinking about other things instead.

I had also thought it was going to rain this afternoon.  Um, no. It was beautiful when I left work.  Perhaps sunnier and warmer than I ideally like it, but these are not insurmountable difficulties.  My bunions promised rain tomorrow (they are usually a day ahead of the weather).  As I drove home, I said to myself, “But you love running!”  I did not expect to love this afternoon’s run, but I also knew that if I put off running I would hate the next run even more.  So I made up my mind to just go for a short run.  Twenty minutes, I told myself.  I would not ask myself for more than twenty minutes.

I added to my ambition by putting a load of laundry into the washer before I left for my run.  This was shaping up to be an unusual Monday.

The plodding run, however, felt depressingly familiar.  Shouldn’t I be able to rock this by now?  Oh, did my legs hurt!  They had been hurting all day.  Why was I being this glutton for punishment?  Just keep going, I told myself.  You have to build back up.

I followed a different route from any of my usual runs, although it was on the same sidewalks I usually run on. I just followed them in a different order.  As I ran, I considered my 20 minute plan.  I had been running 31 minutes for my longest run the weekend before last, then ran 20 minute runs during the week.  I thought I should probably run at least 22 minutes, to increase my weekday run by the recommended 10 percent.

It was, I think, 15 minutes into the run that I realized my legs had stopped hurting so.  They weren’t loving me, but they felt… I guess neutral about what I was making them do.  My breathing was labored but not too bad.  I still wasn’t rocking the run, but I figured I could last 22 minutes.

Just to make the post shorter than the run (the critic in my head is carping that it has gone on too long anyways), I ran for 24 minutes.  The breeze picked up as I walked my cool-down, for which I was extremely grateful.  Now my legs are hurting again, but they will just have to hurt.  I may run again tomorrow.

 

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Or Was It Cancer Fighting Benefits?

Posted on June 6, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

How about a Cooking In Progress post in lieu of my usual Wrist to Forehead Sunday?  I am in the midst of what I hope will be a delicious dinner.  While it cooks I am sipping a beverage, looking at Snapped and, well, typing this.  And I thought I couldn’t multi-task.

I multi-tasked while I was cooking too, and not just sipping and chopping.  I chopped with a dual purpose.  I made a salad for my lunch in the coming week and chopped vegetables to nibble on as well.  The vegetables I chopped included some rainbow peppers destined for dinner as well.   Ooh, that made it a triple purpose.

Of course my recipes often lack variety, but perhaps some readers have missed previous cooking posts or forgot about them or are new readers or will just forgive me.  Or they have already stopped reading, thinking, “I can’t read again how she crushed garlic and set the timer for 15 minutes so it would reach its full anti-oxident benefits, or was it cancer fighting?”

For anyone still reading, I peeled and crushed some garlic.  It is the last bulb from the braid I purchased at the Mohawk Valley Garlic and Herb Festival in Little Falls, NY last September.  Either that was a bigger braid than I have previously purchased or I have not been cooking nearly enough, because that braid has lasted me  long time!  Next I chopped a yellow onion and put it in olive oil in the cast iron frying pan.  Then I chopped the rainbow peppers into smaller pieces and added them to the pan.

The fifteen minutes have passed and the garlic is cooking now.  I have the heat on low and the pan covered with the lid cracked.  When things seem cooked enough I will put on water for angel hair pasta I happen to have from The Pasta Shoppe in Utica, NY (just for another bit of local).  I have some mushrooms to add to the frying pan as well, but those don’t take as long to cook.

Hmmm… I hope this post has been as amusing as my usual Wrist to Forehead schtick.  I always feel I should write a post about something other than Why I Can’t Write a Post Today, but then I worry that the posts about not writing are the more amusing.  Or do I flatter myself?

No matter.  I am over 350 words and I am going back to other Sunday activities.  Hope to see you all tomorrow for Monday Mental Meanderings.

 

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Slacker Saturday

Posted on June 5, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Welcome to a new feature here at Mohawk Valley Girl: Slacker Saturday.  When you haven’t done enough to warrant a Scattered Saturday post, you didn’t write a post earlier and you just can’t wait to make your post and declare it wine o’clock. Oh, who am I kidding?  I don’t have to wait till after I post to have a glass of wine.  We’ve talked about sipping and typing before.  It is acceptable behavior among bloggers and a daily routine for some (um, I don’t do it daily.  Do you suppose I ought to?).

I worked today.  Although I was able to sleep until 3:30 instead of my usual 3:00, I’m tired.  I tried to take a nap earlier but without success.  I had a number of projects I thought I might work on, but all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and stare into space.  Naturally I stared at Facebook for a while instead.

I did spend a little time folding laundry.  Talk about a task of Sisyphus (ooh, I just figured out how to spell Sisyphus; yay me)!  Of course I love having a washer and drier in my house, but ever since I stopped going to the laundromat, I never have all my clothes clean at once!  I just can’t get to the bottom of the pile one load at a time.  I keep thinking, if I do one load every day, I will get caught up.  I can do that for maybe two days in a row.  Then if you don’t fold one load, you naturally don’t fold the next, and then you don’t want to wash another load till you fold everything you’ve washed so far.  Then sometimes you wear something out of the pile and think, “Ha, ha, don’t have to fold that one!”  Or is that just me?

One thing I did after much dithering was begin to learn my lines for Much Ado About Nothing (remember, with LiFT Theatre Company; I’m the Friar).  I had a bit of a sticky wicket when I could not find my Complete Works of Shakespeare. What’s that all about? It’s a giant yellow book, how do I lose it?  It takes a talent, I suppose.  If only I could use my powers for good.  When I lamented my loss on Facebook a kind friend offered me some Shakespeare books she doesn’t want any more (duplicates, I believe).  Another friend shared a link to all the plays.  I hope to get the books from the first friend soon (greatly prefer paper; I’m old), but in them meantime, I checked out the link, found my scenes and started studying.  Oh, how I love being in a play.

I almost forgot to mention:  I worked on my banana play while on break at work (I only got one today).  I think it is going rather well.

And look at this, I am over 500 words for one of my silly posts.  I think that deserves a toast.  Hope to see you all on Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

 

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Out of the Frying Pan into the Friar

Posted on June 4, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I think I need theatre detox or one of those 12-step programs.  I just can’t stay away from the stuff!

I thought it would be an easy matter to take the summer off from working on a play (except, of course, for the one I’m writing).  Ilion Little Theatre doesn’t have a summer show. LiFT Theater Company in Little Falls is doing Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare (should I feel silly putting “by William Shakespeare”?  Because I do), but I carefully stayed home from auditions.  When a friend, who did audition and was cast, mentioned that Matt Powers, the director was still looking for people, I was tempted.  However, I reminded myself that I had decided to take a break and to use my summer for other projects.

Then I got a Facebook message from Matt, asking me was I interested in being the Friar.  Oh NO!  Of COURSE I was interested!  And so flattered to be asked (I know, he may have asked forty people before he asked me; the fact remains that he did ask me).

Still, I dithered.  I messaged back asking questions about dates and times.  I pondered and thought.  Then I realized that I had stalled for a couple of days during which Matt could have been asking someone else.  How rude to say no now!  Oh, who am I kidding?  We all knew I was going to do it.

And yes, if anyone was wondering, it was the friend mentioned previously who suggested Matt ask me.  I told her I didn’t know whether I should thank her or shake my fist at her, but we all know I’m happy about this.  For one reason, it will give me something else to write blog posts about.

Look, I’ve already started.  My question now is: was today’s post better or worse than my usual Lame Post Friday schtick?

 

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Attending to my Toes

Posted on June 2, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

When I posted lame at wine o’clock last Friday, I neglected to mention where I had been earlier that afternoon.  As it involves a shout-out to a local business, I feel free to mention it today.  I got a spa pedicure at Hot Spot Salon and Spa in Herkimer, NY.

My toes had needed attention for some time.  At last I made the appointment: 3:45 Friday afternoon. I work till three.  I could make this.  Friday, local readers may remember, was a very warm day.  My place of employment is not air-conditioned, at least not the rooms I work in.  Not to put too fine a point on it: I stunk.  This is where my army experience helps me, because I know how to take a three minute shower.  I made it to my appointment on time and smelling fine.

Claire, my usual stylist, took me in right away and soon my feet were soaking.  I asked for the water to be made a little cooler than it was, because I had been so warm all day.  Ooh, it felt nice.

While Claire worked on my feet, we chatted with each other and with the stylist and customer at the next pedicure chair.  I learned that it  is important to always dry between your toes.  I told Claire about my latest theatrical endeavors.  She asked me to let her know if we did another murder mystery.  She would definitely like to attend.  I chose a bright blue for my toes.  I had previously had a dark color, purple in some lights, green in others.  I like to make a contrast.

As I sit here typing this, I can look down at my toes and feel pleased.  Oh how I love to have pretty toenails during sandal season!

Hot Spot Salon and Spa is located at 121 E. Albany St., Herkimer, phone number 315-866-9113.  Their website is http://www.hotspotsalonandspa.com/.  You can also Like them on Facebook.

 

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More Writing about Not Writing

Posted on June 1, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Writing continues to elude me.  Could I just be lazy?  I must admit the possibility.  However, I did my best.  I did not bring a play to read or a puzzle book or even a couple of cryptograms cut out of the newspaper (it’s the Times Telegram and they call it the Cryptoquote, if you’d prefer I was more specific).  I only had my notebook and own meager brain with which to entertain myself on breaks.

Perhaps if I would have made the attempt, started to work on blog post, article or play, the words would have flowed.  Or I might have sat staring at a blank page, feeling stupid (I do NOT need any remarks about how that might be a most appropriate feeling) (you know who you are).  I went another way and started writing a letter to my sister.  Hey, at least I was writing! (Say, would that be a good title for today’s post?)

While I worked I tried to think about my banana play.  Full disclosure:  I had to keep leading my mind back to it.  All these dumb things kept popping into my head!  Mostly memories, including several old grudges I really need to let go of.  I considered making a few of those folks characters in the play or some future play or novel, then killing them off.  How satisfying would that be?  Perhaps I could try it and let you know.

In the meantime, after giving myself a stern talking-to about forgiveness and letting go of crap, I thought some more about the characters I have so far (NONE based on any people I actually know) and what might happen to them next.  I came up with a few ideas.  I’m thinking it would be a good idea to stop rambling on in this blog post and see if I can write anything down.  Then perhaps I could start working today on tomorrow’s blog post.  I used to do that all the time, when my hours were different and my bedtime later.

As for today, let’s call it another Tired Tuesday.  Those of us who were fortunate enough to enjoy a three day weekend know how tiring they can be.  Those of you who worked all weekend can bask in feelings of superiority and make whatever snide comments you like. If you make them in the comment section of this post, I will answer you politely.  I shall hope to see you all on Wednesday, when I may or may not Wuss-out (a little suspense adds spice to the blog).

 

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