Category Archives: humor

Rummage Rounds on Scattered Saturday

Posted on May 8, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had a long and varied Scattered Saturday today (and it’s not over yet), but for this post I shall only highlight the early portion of the day.

We slept in past 6:30 and it was great!  After some coffee, a little food, and a quick chat with my Mom on the phone, I wrote a few postcards.  Regular readers may remember it is a hobby of mine to send a few postcards to a few people, usually on Saturday.  I have been quite remiss in doing this for the past few weeks, due to theatre commitments (you may also remember I directed the show Leading Ladies at Ilion Little Theatre; we have a show again tonight, and closing performance is tomorrow’s matinee), so I was happy to at last check in with my friends.

I was also happy to walk to the post office.  I intend to start running again but I was afraid if I did it this morning, I might feel too tired for all the stuff I hoped to get done.  Oh, what a lovely spring morning.  I felt glorious, stretching my legs and checking out the leaves that are at last appearing on the trees.  One of my favorite sights is the pale, fresh green of brand new leaves.  That color lasts such a short time, I’m always happy when I don’t miss it for the year.

At the post office, I noticed signs for two church rummage sales, right along the way I often walk home for the post office. Dollar bag day was going on.  Score!

First I went to Christ Episcopal on Main Street.  I grabbed two beautifully colored blazers that I knew would look awesome over my black sheath dress.  I also found a pretty blouse, a biography of Louisa May Alcott (I have been WANTING to read a biography about her!), a green shawl and a small box or carrying jewelry when traveling.  It was two dollars worth.

I knew some of the ladies there.  One of them asked me if I had anything going on at the theatre.  Naturally I said yes, a play going on tonight.  They remembered seeing me in Roxy (a play we did back in the fall for the Herkimer Historical Society; perhaps you read some of my blog posts about it).

“Oh yes,” I said.  “They hung me good, after I killed my rat bastard husband with an ax.”

Another lady told me she could have thought of a number of other ways to kill him and I should have come to her first.  I agreed that would have been a better thing to do.

Moving on to the Herkimer Reformed Church, at the Historic Four Corners, I was also lucky.  I found a canister set such as I have been wanting but have not had a chance to look for.  It would have been five dollars yesterday, but I got it for a buck today.  It was the only thing I got, but I felt quite pleased with it.

Walking home was a little problematic with all my finds.  I had neglected to put my cell phone back in my purse or I could have called Steven for a ride.  Luckily, my house is not that far away, and I made it without mishap.

My Scattered Saturday has continued to go rather well for me, except for a migraine headache I am currently writing around.  Does it show?  No matter.  I have to finish getting ready for tonight’s performance of Leading Ladies.  I’m wearing one of my new rummage sale blazers.

 

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Looking for Lame in All the Wrong Places

Posted on May 7, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought of that title while I was at work today and, unfortunately, it is about all I have thought of so far.

It is the oddest thing.  I start thinking about writing and think I am really ready to get back into it. Yes, sir and ma’am, I am going to sit myself down and write.  Just watch me go.  Here I go.  Right now.  Writing.  Me.  I’m writing.  Now.

Oh, I KNOW, if you wait till you “feel” like writing, you will never write.  And the longer you stay away from it, the more frightening it becomes to pick up that pen. You can feel the words NOT coming out.  The image of that blank page is so heinous you cannot bear the thought of seeing the real thing.  It’ll suck!  You’ll feel awful!  And that insidious little voice in your head assures you, “Tomorrow will be a much better time to start.”

It’s all bullshit, of course.  Sooner or later, you have to just sit down and write, or else you’ll never write again.  For some people, I suppose that would not be a bad thing (yes, I see you pointing at me!) (you know who you are).  I will eventually do just that.  Sometimes I get myself to it by saying, “Oh, just try.”  And whoever just said, “Do or do not.  There is no try”  can just shut up.

You know, I completely forgot where I was going with this post.  What I am wondering now is (and I may use this as a title sometime): Does this count as writing?  I’m not entirely sure that it does.  No matter.  It is Lame Post Friday.  If you were looking for lame, dear reader, this is not one of the wrong places.  My new plan (which I came up with just this minute) is to begin writing again today or tomorrow.  The reason for this is, I caught myself thinking, “After the show…” (Surely you remember that I directed Leading Ladies at Ilion Little Theatre) (and I’ll call you Shirley if I feel like it).  The show will be over Sunday.

NO!!! You cannot wait for ideal conditions!  They will never come and if by some miracle, they do occur, you will not be able to write!  Everybody knows that!

Oh dear.  This blog post is really dumb and does not fit the rather clever (or do I flatter myself?) title.   But perhaps somebody found it amusing.  Happy Friday, everybody.

 

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In My Defense, They Were Cryptogram Puzzles

Posted on May 6, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Once again I spent every break at work frantically doing puzzles.  Oh, I did walk to The Medicine Shoppe during my lunch to pick up a couple of prescriptions.  Ooh, that’s it.  I’ll give a shout-out to the Medicine Shoppe.  It’s not one of those distinctive small businesses I love, but it is locally owned and operated.  And it’s better than crying about how I can’t write a post.

The Medicine Shoppe is handily located near my place of employment.  It is also located near Ilion Wine and Spirits.  My usual method is to wait till after work, get my prescription, then go into the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine.  Today, however, I wanted to get right home after work.  Also, I skipped the liquor store.

The nice lady behind the counter got my stuff right away.  The co-pays were higher than I expected, so I had to put it on a card.  To make it more worthwhile to use the card, I grabbed a box of OTC migraine pills.

“And that’s $10, so I get one of these for free,” I said.  There was a package of eucalyptus-infused epsom salts you got for free if you spent $10 on over the counter stuff.  Score!

OK, this post has been just about as boring as me whining and crying about how I can’t write. However, it will have to do.  I have to go to our pick-up rehearsal for Leading Ladies.  And I have to find some time to obsess over what I’m going to wear to our final three performances this weekend.  I tried on the little purple dress earlier and it is still too tight.  Damn!  All those vegetables for nothing!

On the brighter side, this is Non-Sequitur Thursday. If I can only think of a witty headline, the post might not be a total loss.  Then again, what’s a total loss now and then in a daily blog?

Incidentally, the Medicine Shoppe is located at 10 Central Ave., Ilion, NY, phone number 315-894-7283.  Ilion Wine and Spirits is at 10 E. Main St, phone number 315-894-8142.  Leading Ladies will be presented Friday and Saturday, May 6 and 7 at 8 p.m., Sunday, May 8 at 2 p.m.at Ilion Little Theatre, 13 Remington Ave, phone number 315-894-3203.   You can find all three on Facebook.

 

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Well, I Need Fabulous Feet

Posted on May 5, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I’m still posting about Leading Ladies (you know, that play I directed at Ilion Little Theatre; I’ve written a few blog posts about it), but here is another post that is mostly about me (I know, what isn’t?) and incorporates a shout-out to a local business.

I’ve mentioned how as director I have to give the curtain speech before performances, pointing out the emergency exits, reminding people to turn off their phones and basically welcoming them.  It is a good idea to dress nicely for such a chore.  Well, I wear army pants and steel-toe shoes to work every day.  When I have a chance to dress up, I like to look fabulous.  Additionally, I told the cross-dressing guys in my show that I would wear uncomfortable shoes in solidarity with them.

I don’t often wear uncomfortable shoes, but I have several pair.  Some of them didn’t used to be too uncomfortable, before I had bunion surgery on both feet.  Sometimes I think I ought to get rid of stuff I never wear.  Then I don’t do anything about it until I find an opportunity to wear them again.  So it was that on Friday I pulled out my black patent-leather pumps, feeling pleased with myself.

Only to realize that the doo-dah had come off the heel (when I don’t know the official name for something, I call it a doo-dah). Damn!  I had had those doo-dahs replaced — good God, over ten years ago! —  when we lived in Georgia.  Who knew they would all off again?  I found another pair of shoes to wear that night.  The next night, having found an even more fabulous outfit, I was happy to pull out the short suede boots my sister gave me years ago.  Imagine my chagrin to find that this pair suffered the same problem.  Once again, I was glad I hadn’t gotten rid of the pair of shoes I wore instead.

Thus it was that after work today, I stopped by Melfe’s Shoe Service in Ilion, NY.  This is wear I get my work footwear, but I figured they could do repairs on something more fabulous.  I was right.  Unfortunately, they won’t be ready for a week or more.  Rats!  I wanted to wear them to the show this weekend.  I said I knew I was taking my chances bringing them in on Wednesday, but I hadn’t even known they needed the repair before last Friday.

“Oh well,” I philosophized.  “I’ll just have to invent another occasion to wear them on.”

“Or it’s an occasion for shoe shopping,” the clerk suggested.  I like the way she thinks.

Melfe’s is located at 64 Central Ave, Ilion, phone number 315-894-.4049.

 

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Leading Ladies Limbo

Posted on May 4, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to call this post “Life after Leading Ladies,”  but I’m not quite there yet.  We still have three more performances, plus a pick-up rehearsal before and a cast party after.  So the show is not over, yet my job is largely done.  It is distinctly odd to be sitting here not thinking about the thousand and one things I am supposed to be doing or making sure get done.  Oh, I know, not 1,001 actual tasks.  But at least 846.  Theatre people understand.

I have big plans for my post-show life.  I am going to clean and organize this house.  I am going to write at least two plays, a novel, several magazine articles and, yes, some non-lame log posts.  I may entertain.  I mean by giving parties, not be being on stage.  Audition for a play?  Surely you jest! (And I’ll call you Shirley if I feel like it).

But I can’t do any of that right now.  I couldn’t even begin a blog post when I was on break at work today.  I was compulsively doing cryptogram puzzles.  And while I was working, my mind would not bend around anything worthwhile.  It kept singing me re-runs from the TV show Galavant.  I loved that show, and I’m afraid it is not coming back.

One must transition into ambition, is what I’m thinking now.  Hey, that almost rhymes.  Maybe one of the plays I’m going to write ought to be a musical.

 

 

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Made it through Monday

Posted on May 3, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Subtitle: Oh Crap, I Still Have to Make my Blog Post!

It wouldn’t take a psychic to predict that I was going to be tired today.  Three shows, little sleep and lots of celebrating.  And I’m back on overtime.  I’m in quite the happy mood but just a little brain dead.  So let’s have some Monday Mental Meanderings and try for a Better Blog tomorrow.

Our place of celebration yesterday was Sorrento’s in Ilion, NY, an excellent Italian restaurant we have eaten at many times.  A number of people who had been in the audience at the matinee were also there.  They told us once again how much they had enjoyed the show.

After work today, I stopped at T & J’s Fruits and Vegetables in Herkimer to get salad ingredients, so I can continue to pursue my weight-loss goals.  I got some really tasty Roma tomatoes, a zucchini, a lemon, some radishes, sharp cheddar cheese and Italian bread.  The lemon, cheese and bread were not for the salad.  I put the bread in the freezer, and I’m drinking seltzer water with lemon as I type this.  I’m saving the cheddar for a treat.

Along with the tomatoes, zucchini and radishes, I put yellow onions and black beans in the salad, then poured in Italian salad dressing.  It’s the kind of dressing that comes in an envelope and you add oil and vinegar.  I use red wine vinegar.

Hmmm…. I’m thinking these are not really mental meanderings.  At least I mentioned two local businesses.  That must content me for today.  As I said, we’ll try for something better tomorrow.  Happy Monday, everyone.

 

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Pre-Matinee Wrist

Posted on May 1, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

If ever I needed a Wrist to Forehead Sunday, today is the day.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I need these excuses for a foolish blog post several times in any given week.  In fact, I needed one yesterday but serendipitously found an unused shout-out to a local business in my notebook (my computer seems to think “serendipitously” is not a word but is okay with “serendipitous,” so go figure).

Where was I?  Ah yes, posed dramatically with one wrist to my forehead (only figuratively, because I like to type with both hands), lamenting, “The blog can’t go on!”  You know, like, “The show can’t go on!”  Only the show will go on.  That’s Leading Ladies, the show I directed at Ilion Little Theatre.  Today is the matinee.  We had shows Friday and Saturday night, and the show continues next weekend.

We had the BEST opening night!  I was so proud and happy I got tears in my eyes during curtain call.  My cast and crew are so wonderful.  I kind of feel as if the show is all theirs and I’m just along for the ride.  I seem to remember doing a lot of work on it (and writing numerous blog posts; perhaps you read a few of them).  I definitely remember thinking, “I will NEVER direct another show again!”  Well, never say never, except when you say, “never say never.”  I probably won’t direct another show this year, but who knows what the future will bring?

Our second performance went even better.  The audience loved us.  I guess mostly they loved the people on stage, but there were a couple of points where I thought to myself, “I told them to do that.”  Of course there were many, many wonderful things I didn’t tell them to do that they came up with on their own, and even when I made a suggestion they had to make it their own.  Still, I believe I did have something to do with our success.

So why, you may well ask, is my wrist to my forehead?  Oh, don’t mind me.  I’m just tired, and my house is a mess.  I’ve been trying to clean and do laundry prior to today’s matinee and I must say it isn’t going well.  Of course one must persevere.  For one reason, I’ve invited everyone over for a cook-out in two weeks.  That’s not a lot of time, given the mess I’ve let my house get in.

As a wise woman once said, “Oh well, what the hell?” (It was my mother.)  The important thing is that I take a shower and find a fabulous outfit to wear to the show.  It’s at Ilion Little Theatre, Remington Avenue, Ilion, NY, today (May 1) at 2 p.m., May  6 and 7 at 8 p.m., and May 8 at 2 p.m.  For more information, visit ILT’s website at www.ilionlittletheatre.org.

 

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Filling Our Bellies

Posted on May 1, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last Sunday, when Steven and I decided to have breakfast out before tackling our other chores (which included painting the stage floor for Leading Ladies; you didn’t think I wasn’t going to mention the play, did you?), I suggested Belly Busters in Herkimer.  I had purchased donuts there on Saturday (the traditional bribe for people working on your set on a Saturday morning) and wanted to check out the rest of the menu.

It’s a bright, airy place with lots of room.  The big windows let in plenty of sunshine, so things were very cheerful on Sunday, which was, local readers may recall, a beautiful day (or they may not recall; I realize it was six days ago) (I’ve been busy with a play, you may have heard).

I was happy to order my favorite, a breakfast sandwich (or “sammich,” as I like to say) on a hard roll with bacon, egg and cheese.  Steven decided to try the breakfast pizza with sausage, pepper, egg and cheese.  Both were delicious.

As we were waiting for our food, I said I was happy to find this place, because of how much I miss Chet’s Diner.  A fellow at another table told us the chef at Belly Busters used to cook for Chet’s.

“For a while he was at Donna’s Diner, now he’s here.”

That led to a discussion about how Donna’s Diner is now Mandy’s and the Family Funhouse in Mohawk now houses Mona’s.  So that makes two other places I’d like to write about.  Goody!  More breakfasts out!

Belly Busters is located at 225 West State St., Herkimer, NY, phone number 866-6700.  You can also Like their Facebook page.

 

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What Lame through Yonder Window Breaks?

Posted on April 30, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I thought of that title yesterday, when I was trying to come up with something for my Non Sequitur Thursday post.  Yes, I was wishing it was Friday.  Who wasn’t?  Oh, I know, you probably weren’t (both the people who work on Saturday and the ones who just always have to disagree) (you know who you are).

Oh, how good it feels to be writing my blog post in my battered spiral notebook before my shift at work begins.  This is so much better than sitting at the computer, staring at a blank screen and thinking, “I got nuthin’.”

So, yes, it is opening night of Leading Ladies at Ilion Little Theatre.  Yesterday, as I gave a little director’s speech before Final Dress (we directors love to give speeches) (and any director who just said, “I don’t,” FAT LIAR!), I said, “There’s a saying that the worse the dress rehearsal the better the opening night…”

“Let’s not do that,” said one of my actors, which is exactly where I was going with that.

“Thank you!”  I said.

And we didn’t do that.  Rehearsal went very well.  I expect tonight’s performance to go equally well.  My only two concerns are (1) what am I going to wear and (2) will anybody want to go out for a drink afterward?  These are questions for which I am sure answers will be forthcoming.

In the meantime, it is Friday.  For this blog specifically, Lame Post Friday.  A lame post should also be brief.  Happy Friday, everyone.

 

 

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I Also Plan to go Wine Tasting

Posted on April 29, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Let’s have a Non-Sequitur Thursday post.  I am feeling even more flustered than usual tonight.  It’s Final Dress!!!  And I took a little, small, short, teeny tiny, itty bitty nap after work today, so I have even less time than previously.

I have a couple more directorial chores left to do, but will I get them done?  Will I be on time for rehearsal?  Will my cast be pacing the theatre parking lot cursing my name as I drive in, taking the corner on two wheels, tires squealing, Steven in the passenger seat holding on for dear life?  You know, I have not been writing fiction in some time now.  I miss it.

Yesterday’s rehearsal when very well. Now we’re talking about the cast party, and the cook-out I am offering to throw the day we strike the set.

Oh dear, this is dreadful.  I cannot think of a thing new to say about Leading Ladies.  This is what I get for going All Leading Ladies All The Time so early.  Well, regular readers may be pleased to know that after this show, I intend to concentrate on my writing.  There is a Banana play I was supposed to write a year ago, a novel I’ve been working on even longer, another play that is almost finished if only I can find it, and a whole BUNCH of Mohawk Valley stuff I could be writing blog posts about.

In the meantime, I have to finish up my last minute chores.  Just as soon as I think up a good Non-Sequiturish title for today’s post.  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

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