Category Archives: humor

Musings on Medium (or Medium Meanderings?)

Posted on January 12, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today is a real let myself off the hook day.  I did not run, I have not done anything remotely useful around the house, and I did not write a blog post earlier today.  It’s going to be a Monday Middle-age Musings or Monday Mental Meanderings (take your pick; I’m not even making myself choose one).

One thing I often notice in my writing is how what I’m writing on and writing with makes a difference.  At least, I have not done a real study on if it makes a difference in the writing itself.  But I definitely notice a difference in how I feel.  I’m thinking this is because I love the physical act of writing so much.  Putting words on paper (or screen, as the case may be) is fun.

I like writing by hand in a spiral notebook.  My handwriting is messy, and I sometimes get writer’s cramp, but in general I love the movement and I love watching the squiggly lines appear.  I write in pen these days.  I prefer a thin ballpoint.  I can live with a medium point, but anything over 1 mm is too bulky for me.  I used to write almost exclusively in pencil.  I liked the sound of the scratching.  I must try that again one day soon.

When I first started this blog (May 23, 2011, in case you were wondering), I would write my post on paper, then type it into the computer.  Sometimes I would write it the night before, sometimes just earlier in the day.  Of course, being me, I could not keep up that level of preparedness and was soon composing at the keyboard, as I am today.

Today I am on my desktop, which has a full-size keyboard.  For quite a while now I have been typing my posts on our Acer, which has a smaller keyboard.  Not one of those bitty, baby things you see on some people’s devices, but small enough that it took some getting used to.  Right now my hands are rather enjoying stretching out.  They feel bad-ass.

Of course, if I really want my hands to feel bad-ass, I must haul out my old manual typewriters.  I used to whale on a manual typewriter!  I have a minor collection now.  Sometimes I find them at garage sales or second-hand stores.  My parents recently gave me a fabulous old Remington.  I must clean it up and display it somewhere.  Maybe I’ll first roll a piece of paper into it and see what comes out.

For now, though, I see I am over 400 words.  That is more than respectable for a Monday!  I’ll try for something other than a Tired Tuesday post tomorrow.

 

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Breakfast with the Elks

Posted on January 11, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

This morning I was able to indulge in what has been an annual treat for me since we moved to the area: the Herkimer Elks Lodge Breakfast.

The Elks hold weekly breakfasts every January to fund their projects for the year.  And every year, I go eat a yummy breakfast and write a blog post about it.  Sometimes more than one (well, I get hungry again, and I always need a new blog post).  Steven has been scheduled to  work every Sunday, so I was without a date.  Luckily, my friend Diane agreed to accompany me today.

For $9 we could get juice, coffee, eggs, white or wheat toast, pancakes, baked beans, home fries with or without onions, and bacon or sausage.  I passed on the pancakes; Diane declined the beans.  She chose cranberry juice while I had orange.  We both chose scrambled eggs and bacon.

The Elks all seemed to be having a fun time being diner staff for the day.  The customers were enjoying themselves as well.  Friends often meet at these community events, especially in a small town like ours.  The food was yummy, and Diane and I were able to catch up on each other’s lives.

The breakfasts continue January 17 and 24, from 8 to 11 a.m. at the Elks Lodge, Mary Street, Herkimer, NY.  If you’re in the area and like a good breakfast, I encourage you to check it out.

 

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20th Century Saturday

Posted on January 10, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

It’s time for this week’s Scattered Saturday Post.  I suppose some of you were hoping for a return of Saturday Running Commentary, as indeed I was myself, but, oh well, I guess I’ll tell you what I did instead.

Steven left for work shortly before nine, and I left shortly after that for a couple of errands on foot.  Pedestrian activities, of course, are not as fun without a cute little dog, but one does what one must.  I went to the post office and mailed some post cards and a letter.  I felt rather quaint indulging in snail mail, but I just love that kind of correspondence and I know the recipients of my little missives enjoy them too.

After the post office, I went to the bank to deposit a check (I know, that, too, is fairly 20th century, but it’s a little less dated than snail mail).  I took the long way home to get a little more exercise in. I didn’t really think I would go running later, and every little bit helps.

My adventuring took me to Middleville, NY, where a couple of wrong turns took me over some very enjoyable country roads.  My destination, which I confess to driving right by twice, was Middleville Free Library.  I shall write at greater length about it later.

Back home, I waited for Steven to come home for lunch before doing anything useful.  After he went back to work, I had to find another excuse.  I ended up doing one load of laundry and going grocery shopping (I probably forgot something but have not remembered what yet).

I am now cooking a fairly unimaginative dinner.  I actually could write a cooking post about it;  it’s not completely lame.  Maybe on Wrist to Forehead Sunday.  I hope you are all have a marvelous Saturday.

 

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Lame But Not Lush

Posted on January 9, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, here it is Friday at the sweats on, bra off portion of the evening.  Regular readers are saying, “Didn’t she leave something out?  For example, wine drinking?”  About that…

Christmas Day I had a rather dreadful headache.  I did not think I really tied one on, but I had been indulging in the white wine Christmas Eve.  My mother suggested I go a month without drinking, to see if it had any effects on the headaches.  Naturally I do everything my mother tells me (she would probably offer a different opinion about that, but I believe she would be referring to some time in the previous century so we need not regard it).

Full disclosure:  I had a glass of wine Christmas Day and maybe a glass or two the day after. But beginning December 27 until the present day (January 8, 2016), I have been dry. No, I don’t want a medal, I’m just SAYING!

We all know I love my wine (at least anybody who has been paying the least bit of attention) (not that I flatter myself that everybody pays attention to me).  It is definitely an enjoyable part of my weekend, and sometimes a welcome treat on a week night.  But I don’t think of myself as a lush or somebody with a problem.

Then again.

The fact that I’m talking about it AT ALL makes me paranoid.  If it’s not a problem, then it shouldn’t be a problem, now, should it?  It shouldn’t even make a blog post.  Oh dear.   And in fact, it is not a problem.  I mean, I’m not sitting here WISHING I had a glass of Pinot.  I did not have to grip the steering wheel as I drove home from work to keep from pulling in at the liquor store.  I haven’t even been thinking about, for example, the cool, dry tang of an unoaked  Chardonnay…  Just kidding.  I had to sit here and compose that Chardonnay line.

But if I’m not thinking about it, that insidious inner critic asks, then why am I writing about it?

Ah, I find the answer to that quite simply:  it’s what I call the Doughnut Effect.  As soon as you decide you can’t have something, what is the first thing you want?  That’s right!  And then what you do is try not to think about it.  OK, right now, try not to think about doughnuts,because you can’t have any.

I bet some people stopped reading this blog and are halfway to Krispy Kreme as we speak.  As for me, I have successfully taken my mind off the long-stemmed glass of fermented grape.

But I may be making a trip to the in-store bakery section of Hannaford.  Happy Friday, everyone.

 

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Hill after Headache

Posted on January 8, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

I went running today so that I could do a Running Commentary blog post.  The other reasons were (1) it was warmer than it has been for the past two days and (2) I had almost no headache all day.

As I left work, I reminded myself not to go crazy.  It was a little warmer.  It was not a heat wave.  I would still need to wear leggings, long sleeves and probably a hat. Still, the sun was shining.  It was a lovely afternoon.  Could it be over 40?

According to my thermostat, the outdoor temperature was 36 degrees.  Although it was sunny, there were clouds in the sky.  It is, after all, winter.  I dressed accordingly and got going.

At least the sidewalks were fairly bare.  I dodged some snow and ice as I ran toward German Street.  I wanted to run up to Herkimer College.  I thought it would make a better blog post.  Could I make it up that hill?  Maybe I should run up the back way.  Longer but less steep.  Maybe I should just run up the hill by Valley Health.  After all, I worked all day, and I had a migraine yesterday.

I looked at all the traffic and thought maybe I would not be able to cross German Street at all.  Well, I could just run around streets on this side of German.  There was no rule I had to run up a hill.  All I had to do was run and write a blog post about it.  It didn’t matter where.  There was a break in traffic.  I sprinted!  I made it!  But would I run to the college?  Maybe a run into Brookfield Park?

Oh, who was I kidding?  I wanted to run up to the college the front way.  It is the impressive way.  It is the way that makes my friend Phyllis say I am her hero.  I like to be somebody’s hero.  As I turned up Lou Ambers Drive, I looked longingly at Salvatore’s.  It would be nice to go out to dinner later.  However, I am trying to lose weight.  Additionally, Steven works till 6:30.  I would be hungry before that.

Sometimes I have to spit when I run.  I don’t always follow advice, but in general I heed the song that tells me to don’t spi-it in the wind.  I also don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger and I don’t mess around with Slim, but those situations usually do not arise when I am running.  Full disclosure:  that bit occurs to me almost every time I run, and this is the first time I used it in a blog post.

Oh, it took a long time to get up the hill.  As I’ve said before, there was no suspense.  I knew I would make it to the top.  The knowledge was no comfort.  I reflected that the bright day would make the view from the top better than the misty view on New Year’s Day.  There was more traffic than I expected.  One car slowed down and moved over.  When I gave a thank-you wave, the girl driving waved back.  I like little connections like that.

The view was very nice.  Everything around me looked nice.  I always think that sunshine is nature’s cosmetic, because almost any scene looks better in the sunlight. Then again, maybe things just looked better to me because I was at the top of the hill and I could breathe almost normally again.

My run down was not too bad.  My cool-down walk was maybe a little too cool.  The temperature was dropping by then and the wind had picked up.  By the time I finished I was cold and TIRED.  Well, why not be tired at the end of the day?  And aren’t you all happy that I’ve made a blog post of over 600 words where I did not once mention what I couldn’t write about?  I certainly am.

 

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Should Have Used Vanilla

Posted on January 7, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today is Wuss-out Wednesday and you can just be mad at me about it.

I tried to write a post.  I had, in fact, over 200 words of a post typed in and some of them were pretty good words.  I think my readers would have enjoyed them.  But were they honest words?  They sounded good, but I think I lied.

I really REALLY do NOT want to start complaining about my aches and pains again.  Oops, I guess I just did.  The point is, I do not have the brain power to finish that post.  I am hoping to come up with something mildly amusing now.  Slightly entertaining?  Vaguely not boring?

Oh, this is ridiculous!  I should be able to write with a headache.  I’ve done it before.  When I was in college I aced a couple of essay tests with strep throat and that brought on some major head pain.  Of course I wasn’t trying to be funny.  I think it’s harder to be funny.

Let’s try this. Picture me hitting myself in the face with a cream pie.   An ice cream pie.  Aaahhh…. Ice on my headache.  But what a waste of chocolate.  And now the syrup is dripping down my neck and will stain my sweatshirt.  Dammit, why didn’t I use vanilla?

 

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Leftovers Remembered

Posted on January 6, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yesterday I wrote a silly post regarding my bowl of cereal supper.  However, I had actually eaten my supper earlier: a bowl of leftovers.  I will now do a cooking post telling the origin of my leftover Pseudo Alfredo Sauce.

I began the recipe as I begin most of my recipes, by crushing up some garlic and setting it to breathe for 15 minutes.  While it sat, I chopped half an onion and put it to cook in olive oil, covering it so it could also kind of steam.  Then I chopped and added a green pepper and two red peppers.  Red peppers are my current obsession.  I added the garlic after 15 minutes.

After the onions and peppers had softened, I added a brick of neufchatel, or low-fat cream cheese, to be less fancy.  I added it whole and broke it up with a fork.  I found a can of evaporated milk and dumped a little in, then a little more, guesstimating amounts.  I don’t think I even used half the can, which was cool, because Steven likes to put evaporated milk in his coffee.

I had to stir the sauce fairly constantly because of the milk and cheese, so I got to see if a watched pot really doesn’t boil (of course it does) while I boiled the water for the pasta.  It was garlic basil linguine from The Pasta Shoppe of Utica, NY, a Christmas gift from my sister Cheryl.  At almost the last minute, I remembered I had some fresh mushrooms to add to the sauce.  Luckily, mushrooms cook quickly.

It was quite the delicious dinner.  The leftovers were delicious too.  Perhaps not as quirky as raisin bran with extra raisins, but I see that it made for a longer blog post.  A better blog post?  You, dear reader, are the judge of that.

 

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Want More Raisins?

Posted on January 5, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

Won’t Steven be surprised when he finds out I’m using that for the title of today’s blog post? I’m a little late doing today’s post, and, sadly, I do not have much to write about.

Earlier today — much earlier — I had thought to write about my eventful ride to work.  Oh, OK, it wasn’t all that eventful.  The unprecedented thing was that I turned around and returned home to retrieve a forgotten cup of coffee.  Usually I just do without.  I thought I could make something out of it.  Sounds kind of dumb when I put it this way, doesn’t it?

Steven fixed dinner just now by pouring us bowls of cereal, toasted rice for him, raisin bran for me.  He asked did I want extra raisins in mine, which I thought was very kind of him.  I normally put extra raisins in when I pour my own, but I do not expect others to go to such trouble for me.  He was putting honey and cinnamon in his so asked if I wanted it in mine.  I said it sounded good.

It was good.  Hmm… It seems my dinner was as uneventful as my ride into work.  Still, I thought the raisin line made a good title.   Oh what the hell, it’s Monday.

 

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Ulterior Motives in Theatre

Posted on January 4, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

In lieu of my usual Wrist to Forehead Sunday, I thought I would share a little local theatre news.  Full disclosure:  I have an ulterior motive for doing so, as you’ll see.

The next production of Ilion Little Theatre (ILT) is The Birds, to be directed by Stephen Wagner.  Performance dates are February 26, 27, 28 and March 4, 5 and 6.  Auditions are January 4 and 5.  Yes, folks, tomorrow and the next day!  Auditions will take place at 7 p.m. at Ilion Little Theatre in The Stables, Remington Avenue, Ilion, NY.  Auditioners (what, computer, that’s not a word? It should be) do not need to prepare anything.

The cast calls for two males and two females, ranging in age from 20 to 50. Backstage people are needed as well.  For a brief plot summary and break-down of characters, you can consult the Ilion Little Theatre Club Facebook page.  For more information on Ilion Little Theatre in general, you can visit their website at http://www.ilionlittletheatre.org/.

Regarding my ulterior motive:  I think my delightful husband, Steven, should audition.  I thought if I published this in my blog post, some of our friends might read it and say, “Yeah, Steve should audition!”  Then they might call him or message him on Facebook or tell him when they see him.

However, I thought the post might be of interest to other readers as well.  Are you a local reader with an interest in drama?  I encourage you to audition.  If you are more interested in helping out backstage, you are also more than welcome.  We love new members.

Do I intend to audition?  Regular readers know I love ACTING (said with dramatic gesture)!  Well, I do not plan on it at this point.  I am committed (I know, some of you think I ought to be committed) to directing the next play at ILT.  However, I will accompany Steven to auditions (if I am successful in talking him into going), and, as we all know, in theatre, anything can happen.

 

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Second Verse, Not Same As The First

Posted on January 3, 2016 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I ended yesterday’s post declaring it was a two-parter (even though my computer seems to think “parter” is not a word).  Additionally, I read in yesterday’s or Thursday’s paper (I forget which) that beginning a sentence with “So” is one of those overused verbal things that some academic group loathes and despises.  Ha ha, I like it and I’m using it.

Where was I?

Ah yes, on my way up the hill to Herkimer College, otherwise known in this space as HCCC.  In yesterday’s final paragraph I intimated that there was some suspense as to whether I made it to the top.  According to earlier paragraphs (and I believe earlier blog posts), there is not much suspense once I start up a hill.  I rarely wimp out halfway and turn around.  However, looking at the first paragraph, I realize there was in fact no suspense.  I pretty much said I set out to do something and I did it.

Nevertheless, you have tuned in for part two and I shall write it.  If I can remember it.

I debated back and forth in my head as I approached the hill, but I pretty much knew I would do it. And, sure enough, up I went.  It seemed to take a long time.  When I was partway up, I decided to turn around and see how far I had come.  I thought it would help.  It did not, and I felt a little dizzy from turning around.  I did mention that I had a raging headache, didn’t I?

When I made it to the top I felt relieved.  I did it.  Sometimes when I make it to the top of that hill I feel a triumphant desire to walk around with my fists in the air while somebody sings, “We Are the Champions.”  Yesterday I felt merely relief.  I remembered to look to my right to see the panoramic view of the Herkimer and the other mountains.  Most of it was shrouded in fog.  That was OK.  I knew where I was.

I took the earliest turn to get to the back road back to Herkimer.  It is a less steep, less traveled road.  There were cones across it, blocking traffic.  Surely they meant vehicular traffic.  One mildly overweight middle-aged runner would be OK (and I’ll call you Shirley if I want to).  When I was running up the hill I noticed they had repaved it.  No doubt they had repaved this road or sections thereof.

I always feel a slight amount of trepidation when I run past cones.  Perhaps they are there for a better reason than I can see, and I am behaving in an inexcusably foolhardy fashion.  As I said, this was not a well-traveled road.  Houses were further down, out of earshot.  No one would hear me if I called for help.  Still, I could crawl to safety. Couldn’t I? I pictured the road giving way underneath me.  I would remain there, trapped, while the snow continued to fall.  Eventually I would be a frozen statue, like what happened to Jack Nicholson in The Shining (I hated that movie).

That road seemed to take a long time, too, but at least it was downhill.  At last I was back in the residential area.   Not much longer now till I was home.  I would share my triumph on Facebook.  I would write a blog post about it.  I would take a hot shower with lots of soap.

As it turns out, I got lots of Likes on my Facebook status and two blog posts out of it.  I had a headache for the rest of the day, but that was probably going to happen anyways.  Looking at my “related posts” that popped up at the bottom of my post, I see that I do so spend a lot of time here complaining about my headaches.  Sorry about that.  I’m afraid I can’t promise much for tomorrow, though. After all, it will be Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

 

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