Category Archives: humor

Break a Lame

Posted on January 31, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I did say I might post late (and lame) so I could write about how the play went. Full disclosure: that isn’t the only reason. I was just too flustered earlier to write. I was pretty sure the play would go well. After all, the script is strong, the cast is talented, and everybody has been working hard. Still, one can’t help but be nervous.

At work today a friend was keeping a count for me. He started about twenty minutes to eleven.

“Nine hours and 18 minutes till curtain,” he said.

Luckily our work spaces are not all that close, so I didn’t get the update every few minutes. I did not need any help getting butterflies in my stomach. All I could do to counter it was continue to look over my lines (while on break) and think about my character (which I am capable of doing while I accomplish my job).

Briefly, then, the play went great. The audience laughed a lot. I confess, there were some mistakes and dropped lines. However, everybody helped everybody else and the performance ran smoothly. I don’t know why I still feel flustered. Perhaps because I have five more performances to get through.

Still, the first performance is out of the way and went well. I am looking forward to doing it again. And eventually to finding something other than the play to write about.

Just to reiterate, the play is Busybody at Ilion Little Theatre, 13 Remington Ave, Ilion, NY, Jan. 31, Feb. 1, 6, 7 and 8, 8 p.m. Friday and Saturdays, 2 p.m. Sundays. For more information visit www.ilionlittletheatre.org, or Like Ilion Little Theatre Club on Facebook.

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May I Remind You: It Is Non-Sequitur Thursday

Posted on January 30, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

So I am staring at the clock deciding what time I must leave to go to final dress rehearsal for the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre.

And I have the dreaded Type A Sentence Then Backspace Over It disease. What’s a blogger to do? What I usually do, I suppose. Grit my teeth, type and leave it there! When one is determined to post every day, any words are better than no words at all.

The critics in my head are poised to argue this, of course, but they do not have a leg to stand on, metaphorical or otherwise. Critics, please note the subordinate clause that precedes the contention praising “any words.” Now they will go on to suggest that I become determined to post something good every day, but I shall not listen. I must hit publish and run.

I have been having a devilish time of it for the past day or so. When I went to put in my contact lenses last night, one ripped. This has never happened to me before. I was not aware until this morning that half of that contact remained in my eye. As an explanation, I can only offer that bit of philosophy that has helped me through many a tribulation: shit happens.

Do you know how hard it is to get a partial contact lens out of an eye? Well, I finally managed it. I will just add: I do not usually wear contact lenses. For my purposes, glasses suit me better. But I keep some one-day disposables around for specific purposes, such as being in a play.

What a dull post. I should have gone into details of my horrific eye-poking experience. Too late. I have some tea to make (for a prop) and other dramatic concerns to deal with. Tomorrow is opening night. Perhaps I will write my post late and tell you how it goes.

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Maybe I Shoulda Wussed

Posted on January 29, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I know “shoulda” is not a word. For that matter, neither is “wussed.” What do you people want from me? I’m just a silly blogger who is also in a play. I thought to myself after work, “Don’t have a Wuss-out Wednesday. Take your dog for a walk and write about that.” Yes, sometimes I talk to myself as if I was a separate person. It works for me.

Tabby was beyond excited when I picked up her harness and she realized we were going for a walk. We have not been out in days, because it has been too cold. Yesterday it was snowing as well. It didn’t snow much, so you local readers who are currently saying, “Waaaait a minute!” perhaps missed it. It happened to snow in the brief window of opportunity I had to decide to walk. Also, I’ve been fighting some bugaboo. Why walk in the cold and aggravate a sinus headache?

Today was supposed to be marginally warmer than previous days. High of 21, I think. Well, 21 is in the 20s. I can walk my dog in the 20s. I can even go running in the 20s, but I’ll save that for a day I don’t have rehearsal. I forgot my scarf but had coat, hat, mittens. I still haven’t located Tabby’s coat, but she has her natural fur coat. We wouldn’t take a long walk.

I hadn’t gotten to the end of the driveway when I was questioning the wisdom of walking at all. Ice, ice, ice. Well, perhaps it was just the driveway. After all, we have dripping eaves over the driveway. The sidewalks would be better. Tabby pulled me across the street. Either side was fine with me. The sidewalk plow had done its work.

So intent was I on my walking plan that I had not bothered to change out of my steel-toed work shoes. I soon made the observation that “non-slip soles” must refer to factory floors not icy sidewalks. Yikes! I walked slowly. Tabby was eagerly trotting but nicely moderated her pace to accommodate me. When she stopped to sniff we were both happy.

I have to confess the walk was not the most pleasant I have taken. I did observe the beautifully clear blue sky when Tabby was sniffing once but other than that I mostly kept my eyes on the sidewalk watching for glare ice and poop left behind by inconsiderate dog owners (at least I think it was dog poop; I shall not indulge in further speculation). Soon I realized my face was quite cold. Well, a scarf does not always fix that, I comforted myself. Then again, the scarf would have kept the wind off the back of my neck. However I refused to repine but concentrated on remaining upright.

It was a struggle. When we went through Meyers Park I gave up on the path and plowed through the snow alongside. Many footprints showed I was not the first to do so. It was a great deal more effort, but I felt safer. Tabby stayed on the path, where she found herself once modifying her pace to accommodate me. After the park I saw a lovely stretch of bare sidewalk and almost wiped out getting to it.

After several other scares we made it home. I confess, there were times when only Tabby’s pulling on the leash kept me upright. Thank goodness I don’t have a smaller dog; we may have both gone flying. So now I am left with the question: was this any better than a post of me dithering about how I can’t write a post when I’m in a play? It doesn’t matter. This is today’s post. Now I must get ready for rehearsal.

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You Could Have Saved Me Some Brownies

Posted on January 28, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I do not have rehearsal tonight. One might think that this is my golden opportunity to write a “real” blog post (please note the correct use of quotation marks). One who is familiar with Mohawk Valley Girl will know how unlikely that is, especially on a Tired Tuesday.

I am back on overtime at work. How I love overtime. Working a ten hour day gives me a good excuse to slack on everything else. Oh I know, you probably worked a 12 hour day, stopped at the store, shoveled the driveway, cleaned the house, did three loads of laundry, cooked dinner and baked brownies from scratch. You probably also don’t have time to watch television, but I bet you know who was the last person to get laid, killed, engaged, gossiped about or voted off on whatever show everybody is watching this season.

Yes, when I am tired I have arguments with imaginary people who scorn my life.

My job is really not that onerous. I don’t mind going to work. I am grateful for my job and the overtime. Sometimes I even manage to write a blog post while working a ten hour day. Not, however, when I am in a play. We have two more rehearsals and then WE OPEN!!! That’s THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!!! I spent most of my breaks studying my lines. I used the part of my brain not needed for my job to think about my character. I must, I positively must be ready!

So, sorry about the Tired Tuesday blog post. And sorry in advance for Wuss-out Wednesday and Non-Sequitur Thursday. As we all know, I will offer no apologies for Lame Post Friday. I hope I still have readers by then.

But just to give the play another plug (that’s probably really why I’m so tired, but who can analyze these things?): Busybody at Ilion Little Theatre, 13 Remington Ave., Ilion, NY. Jan. 30, 31, Feb. 1, 6, 7, 8; 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, 1 p.m. Sundays. For more information visit the website at www.ilionlittletheatre.org. You can also like Ilion Little Theatre Club on Facebook.

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Blood, Sweat and Blog Post

Posted on January 27, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to have Manic Monday today. I wrote two sentences of it before work this morning. Then I couldn’t bear to write instead of studying my lines (I’m sure you are tired of me saying I think I mentioned the play). I spent the rest of the day alternately thinking about my lines and hearing that song about Manic Monday playing in my head. With occasional breaks to obsess about various props and costumes I have yet to deal with.

The most notable non-acting task I had today was to locate some fake blood I was sure I had leftover from some Halloween make-up I purchased in October. I had purchased the make-up to be a witch in a scene from MacBeth I appeared in. I’m sure I wrote a couple of blog posts about it. If I’m not too manic by the time I finish this, I’ll include one of those ping-back things.

Busybody, the play I’m in now, is a murder mystery/comedy. Hence the need for blood. I was quite sure I knew where my blood was. Naturally I forgot to look for it the first three or four times I said I’d bring it to the next rehearsal. I remembered it while I was at work today so wrote myself a note. I confess to feeling a little disappointed that nobody questioned the sheet of paper with BLOOD scrawled on it casually placed near my workspace.

Imagine my chagrin when I located the tube of blood fairly easily only to find it had dried out. I hadn’t even opened it! What kind of crap did they sell me? This is what I get for not going to a reputable dealer. As I practiced my abject apology for my director and fellow cast-members, I kept looking. I seemed to remember that I also had a few of those little blood doo-dahs you bite down on, so it looks like you’re bleeding from the mouth. Could we utilize such a thing? At least I wouldn’t be showing up empty-handed.

I stopped practicing the abject apology when I discovered the blood. I had forgotten: I bought two make-up kits in October and only used one. This one was not even open and in addition to the bite thingies (I’ll be damned; my computer considers “thingies” a word), there was a nice tube of blood not dried out.

Well, that wasn’t too bad of a story for my blog, was it? Ooh, look at the time, gotta go!

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Breakfast Before Bear

Posted on January 25, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I don’t know, do you like that title? I was in the mood for some alliteration but now I am questioning myself. I believe I mentioned that I have a bear of a week in front of me. That is an imperfect metaphor but one I have always liked. In general I feel my week starts on Monday and ends on Sunday, a view that I know is shared by many (I’ve even had calendars that reflected it). However, I have a marathon rehearsal today for the play I am in, which opens on Friday. So I feel my week is beginning today.

To start the week right, Steven and I went to breakfast at the Herkimer Elks Club. I know I have mentioned that the Lady Elks put on a breakfast on Sundays in January to fund their projects for the upcoming year. It’s the bomb. We watch for it every year and attend if at all possible. This year it has been possible three times. Score!

We got there the earliest we’ve been yet, shortly after 8:30 a.m. There was no problem finding a parking space or a place to sit. We both enjoyed eggs over medium, wheat toast, homefries with onions, coffee and juice. Additionally Steven had pancakes and bacon while I had baked beans and sausage. The cook even put a smiley face on Steven’s top pancake. As we left the breakfast several members of the Elks thanked us for coming. We thanked them for the delicious breakfast, saying we look forward to it every year.

“See you next January,” I said.

I confess I feel too preoccupied to write a better blog post today. I must study my lines and organize my costume. And nurse the butterflies I am beginning to get in my stomach. Everyone assures me I am doing a good job in this play, but how do I know they are not just being nice? Or hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy? I bet a lot of you thought I was going to skip Wrist to Forehead Sunday. No such luck!

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Scattered Saturday

Posted on January 25, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I rarely post this late in the day on a Saturday, but these things happen. I shall go on to do what I often do on a Saturday. That is, list the activities in which I indulged other than writing a blog post.

This morning I went to Coffee and Conversation with a Cop at the Baptist Church in Herkinmer, NY. I mean to write a blog post about it, but I wanted to do something better than composing at the keyboard and hitting Publish as soon as I complete at least 200 words. I don’t know when I think I’m going to do that, as I am entering that bear of an exciting week in the play I am in, Production Week (it doesn’t have to be capitalized, but I wanted to make it seem important) (which it is, but mostly to the people involved with the play).

Another problem which has been exercising my mind is what to write about for an article for Mohawk Valley Living, the wonderful magazine which has been so gracious as to publish my writing. As I drove the Cop event, I remembered Guitar Group at Basloe Library. I love Guitar Group! I have not gone to listen to them in a long time. That might make a good article. If not, at least I would cheer myself up with some good music and get a blog post out of it.

I gassed up my vehicle after the Conversation (I mention it because I am listing my activities after all). I purchased a Sobe vitamin drink as well, because I had neglected to bring a bottle of water and I was thirsty.

Imagine my chagrin when only one gentleman showed up for Guitar Group. The librarians did not say it had disbanded, but apparently nobody showed up last week either. I purchased five paperbacks at their sale (five for a dollar, can’t beat it), so the stop was not a total loss, but I was quite disappointed.

When I got home I realized I had a dreadful sinus headache. I called my Mom (no, not to tell her I had a headache, although that did come up in a conversation), looked at Facebook, did some puzzles in a puzzle book and waited for Steven to come home for lunch, which he did around 1:30.

After he went back to work I took a nap. I slept for over three hours. What a bum! I feel kind of bad even admitting I did such a thing. I’m sure many people would huff, “I wish I had time to take a nap!” Then again, those people probably don’t have time to read a silly blog either. I think I needed the sleep.

I felt pretty terrific when I got up, which is unusual after a nap. Usually I feel sluggish and groggy until coffee makes it all better. After I was up, drinking some water and thinking about my blog post, I realized I have that vague, sicky headache that means a cold or worse. SAY IT AIN’T SO!! Fight it, Cindy, fight it! I’m drinking an Airmune (that’s the generic of Airborne) and hoping for the best.

I hope I have not rattled on for too long, but I wanted full disclosure. I warn you, this blog might be All Busybody All The Time for the next week (that is the play I am in) (I did mention that I’m in a play, right?). I hope you are all having a lovely weekend.

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Brevity is the Soul of Lame

Posted on January 24, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

The Law of Inertia applies to writing. To those who do not remember 8th grade Physics (I think my school just called it “Science”) (and I’m pretty sure 8th grade is when I learned this, although I could be wrong), the Law of Inertia states that an object at rest tends to remain at rest while an object in motion tends to remain in motion until worked on by an outside force.

A writer not writing tends to continue not writing. Or in my case, a blogger who spends several days composing last minute foolishness at the keyboard tends not to handwrite in her notebook during breaks at work.

That is what I handwrote in my notebook earlier today during a break at work (my computer is underlining “handwrite” and “handwrote” but I am going to pretend that they are words). You see, I knew it was Lame Post Friday, when it will not matter (per my own self-imposed rules) (which you may have noticed are subject to change) if I go the Foolishness at the Keyboard route. But yet, I wanted something more. After all, in the past I have written my lame post prior to typing it in. Now I anm trying to remember one so I can one make one of those pingback thing. Hmmm, nothing is coming. Well, you know what I mean.

What happened was, I wrote those two paragraphs then felt guilty for not studying my lines. You know, for that play I’m in. Also, it cannot be denied, looking at words somebody else wrote is much easier than coming up with words of my own. However, difficult though it sometimes is, I LIKE coming up with words of my own. This post is now over 250 of them.

250 words is not a long post. I’ve been reading other blogs and I know many run longer. However, they say brevity is the soul of wit. And it you can’t be witty, it is best to be brief. There, that covers me either way. Happy Friday, everyone.

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Oh Crap, I Gotta Write a Blog Post!

Posted on January 23, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is Non-Sequitur Thursday. I usually like to skip that if I’ve just had a Wuss-out Wednesday, which of course I had this week. However comma, sometimes these things happen (“however comma” is an expression I got from a sergeant in the army. I like it better than “but, however”) (I think “but, however” sounds like a redundancy and thus improper English, although a mean English teacher taught it as correct).

I am completely ready for my rehearsal tonight. OK, not completely ready, but I’m dressed. I have on all three skirts. My director wanted my character to be layered (let’s see what the real drama-ramas amongst my readers make of that elliptical remark).

Just as an aside, I am back on overtime at work. For my checkbook’s sake I say, “Woohoo!” Regarding the matter of sufficient sleep I say, “Oh, crap!” But one does what one must with as good a grace as one can muster. Actually, I do very little in my life with actual gracefulness, which is one reason this is not a video blog.

Today’s title is something I actually said just before I decided to use it as a title. My husband laughed at me. It is true that I often say that I cannot write a post, then I go right ahead and do. Like, um, you know, I just did.

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Blame It On The Play

Posted on January 22, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was afraid that after two “real” posts I would have a Wuss-out Wednesday. I had hoped to avoid it. I had two other Mohawk Valley adventures on Saturday I can write about. I still can. Just not today.

Yes, I am going to blame the play. I can’t write blog posts on my breaks at work when I have to study lines. Full disclosure: on one break I called my husband and on another I worked on a crossword puzzle with my co-worker. I think anyone can agree that these were also important activities. If you do not agree… hmmm, have we met? Have you read this blog? Never mind, on with my dithery non-post of the day.

There was a moment during rehearsal yesterday when I was suddenly having the time of my life. I was on stage, knowing most of my lines, saying them with the proper accent (at least as good as I get at it), and suddenly I started coming up with fun things to do. I knew why my character was crossing the stage. I reacted to the other people on stage. I was — dare I say it? — ACTING! Perhaps I flatter myself. But it was fun.

Don’t get me wrong. Rehearsal is always fun. There is no reason to participate in community theatre if it is not fun. But I cannot deny that some rehearsals are more fun than others. When I don’t know my lines it is painful. When other actors don’t know theirs it is even more painful. When nobody knows their lines it is excruciating! And of course learning lines is only the first step.

Oh, in case any of my fellow cast-members are reading this: No I did not know ALL my lines! I screwed up plenty of times. But I had moments where I felt like I knew what I was doing and it was fun.

Just to reiterate: the play is Busybody at Ilion Little Theatre, Remington Avenue, Ilion, NY, Jan. 30 and 31, and Feb. 1, 6, 7 and 8, at 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, 2 p.m. Sundays. For more information visit ILT’s website at www.ilionlittletheatre.org. You can also Like them on Facebook.

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