Category Archives: humor

No Measure New Year

Posted on January 1, 2015 by mohawkvalleygirl

I had thought to make a profound, thoughtful post, all about the New Year, how it was an artificial milestone yet useful… Well, I don’t want to write the whole post about what I’m not writing about (although I have done that before). Or I was going to write a mere Pedestrian Post, since my dog Tabby and I took two walks today. Then I thought I owe a few local businesses and destinations shout-outs. Um, what did I say about NOT writing this post about what I’m not writing about?

Then I started mixing and fixing, getting ready for my exclusive celebration tonight. Just me, Steven and Tabby. One of these years I’ll have a big party with family and friends, or go somewhere fun and fabulous. Not tonight, Josephine (that is a reference to the movie Some Like It Hot, and in that movie it was a reference to a book by Jacqueline Susann). I have more stuff to do, so I shall write a fast cooking post and get back on with it.

The first thing I did, as usual, was crush up a bunch of garlic and set it to “breathe” for 15 minutes (which I will not explain yet again). I paused in this laudable endeavor to pour myself a glass of red wine, because I wanted to cook with wine. Yes, I’m pacing myself. I’m still sipping the same glass after almost an hour and I’ll switch to seltzer water till Steven gets home from work. In case you were concerned.

I put some frozen spinach into a colander and poured hot water over it. I mashed up two avocados and chopped half a small onion into very small pieces. I grated some mozzarella cheese. Do my ingredients sound intriguing thus far? Well, I was making two different things at once. Who says I can’t multitask? Oh yeah, me. No matter.

To the avocados I added some of the garlic, minced onion out of a bottle, onion powder, lime juice, Worcestershire sauce, a tiny bit of Tabasco, and some cumin. I was making guacamole. I put the onion I had chopped into a baking dish, added the cheese, spinach and the rest of the garlic. Then I chopped a small jar of artichoke hearts and added that, along with the marinade. I’ll bake that to be spinach and artichoke heart dip.

As you can see, I did not feel inclined to consult any recipes. I rarely follow them completely anyways and I’m just in that mood. After I hit Publish on this, I’m going to put some chicken wings in the oven with butter, honey and mustard. Once again, I shall not consult the recipe. I intend to add amounts that look good and guess on a 350 degree oven. I’ll stir it every 15 minutes and check it with a meat thermometer to make sure it won’t kill me.

So that is my No Measure New Year. I hope you’re all enjoying your celebrations or refusal to celebrate, as the spirit moves you.

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Tired, Old, and Reading Other Blogs

Posted on December 31, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Well, I was all set to have another Tired Tuesday. In my defense, I seem to be coming down with some weird winter malady, the main symptom of which seems to be that I am tired. And headachey. And not a little vague. The sad thing is that I have so been having Mohawk Valley adventures. I hemmed and hawed, listening to the little voice in my head saying, “I CAAAN’T write a real blog post today!” It was not the little devil on my shoulder; she is a good deal more robust.

I really wanted to write a better blog post than about how tired and ill I feel. I went to Facebook and got some info for a local business I patronized recently and thought to give a shout out to. Then I came back to WordPress. Of course blogs I follow popped up first. I just had to read a couple.

I noticed that Today I Watched A Movie had reviewed Double Jeopardy. Sometimes he reviews older movies (it really grates on me to call a movie released in the ’90s “old,” because what does that make me, for heavens’ sake?). I remembered when this one was in theatres, so I perused his review. And made the following comment:

I always thought the premise of this movie was so asinine! You cannot legally murder somebody just because you got wrongfully convicted of doing so when they are still alive. Yes, I felt free to give away the whole plot without benefit of a spoiler alert because the TV advertisements and trailers did the same thing when this movie was in the theatres. We caught it on video, because at that time we caught almost everything on video (and now that’s the olden days. Damn!). Now I see my comment is running longer than your concise review. Sorry. I think I’ll use my comment for my blog post. Thanks for listening.

It would be nice to credit the other blogger who occasionally uses his comments on other blogs as his own blog posts, because that is what gave me the idea to do it myself. Unfortunately, I can’t remember which blogger that was. I thought it was a brilliant idea, though. To me it has a nice reduce/reuse/recycle feel to it. To others, it perhaps seems lazy. To my hazy, ailing brain, it seems acceptable on a Tired Tuesday.

And when I’m feeling better I may do a whole piece on how we used to trek to the video store and rent movies all the time and how much fun that was. Yes, I’m old! I embrace it!

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More Post-Christmas Movement

Posted on December 30, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I hope nobody will mind if I make another Running Commentary today, since I was out running prior to 7 a.m. I narrated in my head as I went, which I’ve found is a good way to keep myself going. I suppose I could just leave the narration in my head and write about something else for the blog, and perhaps my more critical readers would prefer that I did so. Or they might prefer that I kept silent. Do I have any such hypercritical readers? Say it ain’t so!

I knew it was cold out. Last week we had some balmy temperatures of mid to upper 40s. Was I out running in those? Of course not. I did enjoy numerous walks, though, so the warmth was not wasted on me. I did not repine over the temperature but sought out a hat and mittens to add to my long sleeves and leggings. It was still dark out so my reflective vest added another layer as well as a place to stash tissues. My husband Steven was home so I did not need to worry about a house key.

The sidewalks were bare and dry, so I counted that as a blessing. So what if the air was cold? I would no doubt warm up as I went. I turned right onto German Street and headed towards Main. I had an idea to run up the hill at the end of Main. The top of the hill is blocked off but I have previously been able to run where it is closed to cars. Or I could turn around and run back down the hill. I am nothing if not flexible in these things.

The hill looked wet, even from a distance. What was that all about? Was somebody washing their car at the top of the hill? That’s crazy talk! I never did see the origin of the water, but I believe some of it was frozen. After all, the temperature was barely above freezing and had been below freezing in the night. I ran carefully. I considered running in the middle of the road, in a patch that looked dry, but what if there was a car? Even early in the morning on a dead end street, these things are not unheard of.

The bad part of the road was even more thoroughly blocked off then when I had seen it before. Perhaps pedestrians were still going there, but I couldn’t be sure of that in the dark. I turned around and started back down. And remembered that going downhill on ice is even scarier that going uphill. Of course I wasn’t SURE there was ice there; perhaps it was all water. But I was pretty sure that if I encountered any I would be unable to save myself from gravity. You would think my fat butt would offer enough padding that I wouldn’t be too worried about these things, but somehow that is not the case. However, I made it down without mishap.

Why did Main Street look so different going in the other direction on the opposite side of the street? I got disoriented for a moment before I saw where I was. I ran over to the nice little path over what used to be a hydraulic canal.

I was reminded that when one begins running again after a pause, the second run is often more difficult than the first. My legs started to complain. My lungs weren’t best pleased with me either. Naturally my sinuses were most unhappy, but since they are a never ending source of misery, I wasn’t too worried about that. I wasn’t really too worried about the other body parts, come to think of it. They will feel better if I persevere.

I ended up going one minute longer than I did on Saturday. I hadn’t meant to increase my time for a week, and then increase by 10 percent, as is recommended. But that was the way it worked out. I figure, what’s a minute between friends? I am actually looking forward to my next run.

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Still Keeping that Post-Christmas Letdown at Bay

Posted on December 29, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Kind of a long headline, isn’t it? Who cares? (That was a rhetorical question, dafthead!)

I actually thought I felt the Post-Christmas Letdown encroaching earlier today. Steven and I were taking our lovely schnoodle Tabby for a walk (we usually say “perambulation” in case she recognizes “the W word” and gets all crazy before we’re ready to leave). I was noticing how many houses had their lights down and even their trees out waiting for garbage pick up.

It was a grey, gloomy day, which normally cheers me up somewhat (we all know I’m perverse; that does not need further comment). In fact, the walk was our second attempt, because the first attempt got rained out. The temperature was warmer when it started to rain, but I did not repine. We enjoyed our walk.

While we walked, we discussed our itinerary for the rest of the day. I have this thing that I like to go to Waterfront Grille in Herkimer, NY (you know, where we live), sit at the bar and order drinks and appetizers. We don’t often do this, but I thought, being he holidays and all… We were torn. After all, we had already watched one movie and had (have) many more to watch. There are also episodes of Castle and the Blacklist on DVR as well as of Snapped currently airing on Oxygen. There are sweats to put on and bras to take off, for heavens’ sake! What’s a girl to do? (I say “girl” instead of my usual “blogger,” because not all bloggers have bras to take off).

As we walked and debated, Steven at last said, “Well, if it’ll help you get over your post-Christmas letdown, let’s go.”

What can I say? The man is a genius and the best husband ever. We went and had a glass or two of wine and an excellent lunch. Now we are back at home, in sweats (one of us has our bra off, I think you know who) (and anybody who says TMI has earned my enmity), watching a Christmas movie (easing out of Christmas is another method for alleviating post-Christmas letdown), and I was kind of waiting for Wrist to Forehead Sunday to kick in. Incidentally, it hasn’t.

So, anyways, this is my blog post. Kind of slice of life, I guess. I’m in a dandy mood and hope you are too. May your post-Christmas be letdown free!

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Running from Post-Christmas Letdown

Posted on December 27, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes! Yes! On my last chance before 2015, I have returned to Saturday Running Commentary! I am the woman!

How’s that for not having a post-Christmas letdown (yet)? Well, when you are feeling down, there is nothing like physical activity. And if you get to the physical activity before the blues really kick in, so much the better.

Steven and I got up at a ridiculous hour this morning, because he had to work at 6:30. The weather report promised mid to upper 40s later in the day, but I wanted to get my run done so left shortly after Steven did, 6:27 by my watch.

My thermostat said it was 34 degrees, so I had on leggings, long-sleeved ARMY t-shirt, winter running socks, a hat and mittens. Also my reflective vest, because it was still dark out. That had the advantage of having a zipper pocket in which I placed two tissues and my house key. I reminded myself to be careful of the key when I took the tissues out to blow my nose. Losing the house key that way is just the sort of thing I would do.

I had thought that by running while it was dark out I might see some Christmas lights still up. I knew I might not see many. For one reason, some people around here seem to feel the need to puritanically haul down all lights and decorations immediately their calendar turns to December 26. For another reason, some people turn their lights off at bedtime and might not turn them back on in the morning. Steven turns our lights off but we turn them back on in the morning till the sun comes up.

Regular readers may have noticed that I have not been running since November. I know, how dreadfully remiss of me. It was with some trepidation that I set out. However, a few steps down the street and I was thinking, “This is EASY! I can do this!” I quickly noticed some lights on houses on German Street, which made me feel even better.

I ran to the hill by Valley Health. Normally at my first run after a long pause I do not require hills of myself. However, I felt I should make an effort. As I ran by the hill up to Herkimer County Community College, the streetlights mocked me. It will be a while before I am ready to take that hill again, but I vowed to myself that it will happen (I’ll probably write a blog post about it).

I stopped feeling that running was easy by the time I reached to the top of the hill I did run. Now my legs felt like macaroni, breathing was less than fun, and I wanted to stop. However, I persevered. The Christmas tree I could see in the lobby of Valley Health cheered my up.

Back down the hill and into the residential streets, I began looking also for lights that would indicate other people were awake thus early on a Saturday. I saw a few. After all, it wasn’t four in the morning. Between 6:30 and 7 is a perfectly normal time to be up, even on a weekend. I saw several houses with Christmas lights on but no other lights. A couple of houses with lights but no Christmas lights. How depressing. One house had only the basement lights on. Probably a mad scientist’s laboratory. The flowered curtains were a dead giveaway.

There was just a little bit of light appearing in the sky as I approached the end of my run. I only require 20 minutes of myself when returning to running but thought I might possibly manage a little more this morning. My body had returned to the “I can rock this” stage, but I didn’t want to push too hard. After all, I do have the rest of the day to get through.

I ended up going for 24 minutes, which is how long I went the last time I ran. As Tabby walked my cool down with me the sky lightened even more. I admired the bare trees against the blue grey. When Steve, Tabby and I took a walk yesterday, I kept saying how much I love to walk. However, I don’t know if anything really feels as good to my legs as the cool down walk after a good run. So it looks as if I’ve kept that post-Christmas letdown at bay for a little longer.

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Merry Day After Christmas

Posted on December 27, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Steven and I have been out having Mohawk Valley adventures all morning. I thought I would pause at midday and make my blog post before embarking on further activities. As I pondered my options for a blog post topic, I remembered: It’s Lame Post Friday! I don’t have to write a regular post! I can write something silly involving random observations and half-baked philosophy! Woo hoo! Let’s get on with it then.

A happy observation I made today is that one does not always get post-Christmas letdown on December 26 (today). Sometimes one gets what I might call Post-Christmas Surge. It’s that feeling of, “Ah, I don’t have to worry about Christmas any more! Now I can get on with other things!” Although Christmas can be, as the song says, the most wonderful time of the year, few would dispute that it can also be stressful (and I daresay the ones that would dispute it are the ones that would dispute anything) (you know who you are). Now, for better or worse, it’s over! Time to stress about other things! Yay!

And now for a bit of half-baked philosophy about Christmas and stress. Does more stress make Christmas more merry? Probably not. Is some stress inevitable in order to make Christmas merry at all? Probably. Wow, that didn’t take long.

I am over 200 words. Lame posts should be short. I hope you are all enjoying the day after Christmas. Boxing Day in some places, or as Steven says, “The feast of me!” (Um, you do get that he means the Feast of Steven, right?)

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Christmas for Mohawk Valley Girl

Posted on December 26, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

Hmmm…. after staring at an empty space under “Add New Post” it seems my brain’s Christmas present to me is a big fat case of Writer’s Blank.

It’s not as if I’m asking myself to come up with something brilliant. I’ve been saying all day that my blog post is going to be merely a wish of cheer and goodwill to my readers. How hard could that be? Apparently too. But one thing I have learned: if I put my fingers on the keyboard, words will eventually appear. And if I can keep myself from erasing what appears, eventually I can hit Publish.

It is a grey, gloomy day in Rome, NY, where I am celebrating Christmas with my husband and dog at my parents’ house. It’s almost as if Halloween came for Christmas. How cool is that? I love Halloween! I have taken two short walks with my dog, which have been quite enjoyable. We all opened presents and had a nice Christmas dinner. My mother and I mimosed (sorry if that makes you jealous, but I believe champagne and orange juice are readily available in many areas). I am now enjoying a glass of champagne without orange juice. It is New York Champagne, by the way. Great Western Extra Dry, my favorite.

In short, it has been and is being a wonderful Christmas. I shall now hit Publish and get back to enjoying it. I wish peace and goodwill to all.

By the way, tomorrow will still be Lame Post Friday.

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At Least the Presents are Wrapped

Posted on December 25, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is almost 5 p.m. on Christmas Eve and I have not written my blog post yet. I can hear church bells ringing outside, and the vague headache that has been plaguing me most of the week has returned. On the brighter side, I have done everything I had to get done before picking up my hubby at work at 6:30. Except load the car. And gas up. And make my blog post.

The devil on my shoulder (you know, how in the cartoons the character has a devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, each trying to convince her of a certain course of action?) is saying, “It’s Wuss-out Wednesday! Why not go all the way and not post ANYTHING?” She knows there is no chance of convincing me of the extreme option, but she tries. The angel (and you thought I didn’t have one) (you know who you are) is saying, “It is Christmas Eve, one of the holiest nights of the year. Is it respectful to wuss out on such a night?”

As they continue to argue, I will just share a little half-baked philosophy that I perhaps ought to hold for Lame Post Friday, but what the heck, it’s a holiday. Does anybody else feel as if Jesus was really born on Christmas Eve? After all, according to the story it was night time when the shepherds watched their flocks and the angel came and told them to follow the star. Then again, according to the song “The First Noel” the star gave such great light that it continued both day and night. Oh, but in the Rankin/Bass Christmas special about “The Little Drummer Boy,” the Three Kings traveled at night so they could follow the star.

Now I’m getting bogged down in argument, mixed up in my sources and, I confess, a little silly. Or a lot. And why not? In another couple of hours I will be with family to celebrate a holiday of joy, peace and goodwill. Have I first wussed out on my blog post? Perhaps so. But Merry Christmas Eve anyways. If you’re celebrating, I hope your celebration is grand.

One last note: I finally came up with that title. Does it seem to you as if Non-Sequitur Thursday came a day early? Discuss amongst yourselves.

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Christmas Guilt

Posted on December 24, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

You wouldn’t think I would have a Tired Tuesday when I’m on vacation, but so it is. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not very sick; I’m apparently just sick enough. I truly had not meant to complain about it, but it’s part of the reason I’m publishing a kind of a crappy post today. I’ll count your forgiveness for that as another Christmas present (which would work out fine, except I was bad all year so do not expect any presents).

Where was I? Ah yes, another Christmas where my half-baked plans have once again gone awry. “Half-baked plans?” you say. “I thought you went in for half-baked philosophy on Lame Post Friday. I was kind of looking forward to that.” (Oh, OK, I guess nobody but me looks forward to my Friday Lame Post; I thought for once I would let my imaginary reader say something nice about the blog).

In this case, half-baked plans is… not exactly right but appropriate. I have in fact done less than half of the baking I had planned. Well, I didn’t want to start it too soon, in case the cookies got stale or (more likely) eaten. And I’ve been busy. So here I am the day before Christmas Eve and not much done.

As yesterday’s post detailed, I have baked one batch of the most delicious cookies imaginable. Seriously, Steven ate one and said, “I LOVE you!” I am not above buying affection. I went to rehearsal (for the play I’m in, did I tell you about that?) (I was going to link back to a previous post where I did, but I can’t find it, sorry) and apologized to the cast for not bringing any in. Now they are mad at me for bringing it up and I don’t blame them. What was I thinking?

I was supposed to go to the store today and buy more powdered sugar but did not make it. At least I got the laundry done. Clean underwear is a good thing on Christmas week. Perhaps some would prefer I went commando and made cookies, but I daresay they wouldn’t want to hear about it and you know it is just the sort of thing I would mention (some of you are probably already taking in a deep breath to shout, “TMI!” I hate that expression).

I managed a batch of Chex Party Mix, the original recipe that you bake for 45 minutes. Then I took a two hour nap. In my defense, the dog wanted to, too. After I got up I made a batch of White Trash. That isn’t baking, but it is a very popular snack in my family.

I have rehearsal in about an hour and a half. It might be a good idea to study my lines some more (I also looked at them at the laundromat). I’m afraid I don’t have time to make the peppermint bark, even if I could find the recipe. Will I make it to the store and bake more cookies tomorrow? I DON’T KNOW! Will my family still love me if I don’t? I HOPE SO!

Merry Christmas Eve Eve, everyone.

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My Cookie Adventure

Posted on December 23, 2014 by mohawkvalleygirl

I hope nobody thinks I am trying to turn this into a culinary blog by immediately following a cooking post with a baking post, but it occurred to me as I was making these morsels that it might make a good blog post. And, you know, it’s Christmas week. I celebrate and I’m not ready. I think this will be something I can write fast but still be worth a read. We’ll see.

So I had this bold idea to make cookies for Christmas. I used to do this a long time ago, make scads of cookies and give them out by the plateful. Till one year I was pressed for time and got so stressed, Steven suggested I cut back. I thought this good advice and took it. However, I find if I don’t make cookies too often or too many at once, it can be an enjoyable occupation.

Fast forward to 2014, when some people at my place of employment had a pig-in one of the last days before shut-down. Naturally I participated. And proceeded to make rather a pig of myself over these little round cookies with mini chocolate chips. I asked my co-worker for the recipe, if it wasn’t a family secret. It was not. I wrote it down in the crappy notebook I keep in the cargo pocket of my BDU pants (which I wear to work).

When I was at the store this morning I purchased mini chocolate chips. I was pretty sure I had the other ingredients (and here’s where I hope this recipe isn’t copyrighted and illegal to share): 3 sticks butter, 3/4 cup powdered sugar, 1 tablespoon vanilla, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 3 cups flour, bag of mini chips. My friend said he uses margarine, but I used real butter. I put it out to soften and puttered around doing other things for a while.

After preheating the oven to 375 degrees, I got out a bowl and started putting in ingredients. Oh dear, there wasn’t a whole lot of powdered sugar in that box. Surely there would be 3/4 cup. There was. Phew! Now the bottle of vanilla doesn’t look if there is a tablespoon’s worth. Mmm… no. Crap! I went to six stores this morning and they all had grocery sections! Why oh why do I never check these things before I leave the house? I looked once more in the cupboard, just to be sure. Oh, there is an unopened bottle of vanilla. Silly me.

I began to stir the mess with a wooden spoon. It was tough going. That butter had not softened very much. I tried the potato masher. Mash, scrape off masher, mash, scrape off masher, repeat till arms get tired. I began to question my recipe. Surely there must be an egg or something to add more moisture. This is what I get for following a recipe that was verbally told to me while I wrote it down. I admit I am not the most reliable scribe.

Then I remembered my friend telling me he mixed it with his hands. I knew I was going to have to use my hands eventually, because you roll these into balls rather than dropping them onto the cookie sheet by the spoonful, like civilized cookies. I washed my hands carefully (YES, I washed them before I started, but since I was going to get them all in the dough I thought I’d better be extra clean).

It was a miracle! As I started to mush it around, it magically became cookie consistency. I was delighted and only wished I had gotten the cookie sheets out of the cupboard and sprayed with no-stick before I had gotten my hands all doughy. No matter.

I fear I was not consistent in the size of my little cookie balls, but I’m sure they’ll do. The recipe called for baking them 10 to 12 minutes; mine went the full twelve. My friend had put food coloring in some of his before baking and rolled them all in powdered sugar after baking, but I omitted these steps.

When they had cooled enough, I tasted one of the cookies. Yummy! It will take stern self-discipline on my part to make sure these cookies last long enough for me to share with people on my Christmas list. Hmmm…. perhaps I should not have written this blog post. Now all my friends and family will want cookies. I’m going to need more powdered sugar.

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