Tag Archives: depression

Some Blog Post, Any Blog Post?

Posted on March 18, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have been writing the following in my head for a number of days now:

I look at my pile of dirty dishes and think, “This is what depression looks like.”  I look at the unwashed laundry and think, “This is what depression looks like.”  I lie down, unable to sleep yet do not get back up and do something and think, “This is what depression looks like.”

And when I think about typing that into a blog post, I think of readers who will say, “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself!”  Sometimes I say it to myself.  More often I just force myself to do something, anything.  Wash a few dishes.  Do one load of laundry.  At least move some dirty clothes from the floor into a laundry basket.

Make a blog post.

That last is what I have emphatically NOT been able to do lately.  What the hell, me?

Sign of spring, sight of hope?

I thought I should throw in a picture before I got too bogged down in discouragement.  I found these crocuses in my back yard the other day and took a picture with my phone.  I was happy to see them.  Since I never raked up any leaves last fall, I wondered if any crocuses would be able to bloom.

Ooh, a deep metaphor just occurred to me:  The un-raked leaves are my depression, and the crocuses are the little baby steps I take to try to help myself.  Oh well, maybe it is not a deep metaphor, or even a particularly accurate one.  My excuse for not raking the leaves is that I read somewhere that it is environmentally better:  bugs, birds, etc. use leaves for shelter or something like that.  I read it in a Facebook meme.  No, I do not believe everything I read on the internet.  Only when it provides a handy excuse for my own laziness, I suppose.

Funny thing: I am feeling a little more cheery now.  The magic of writing something, anything?  The act of using my brain to delineate a metaphor?  Or just laughing at myself for getting so profound over my failure to rake a few leaves?  As I have observed many times:  It is not easy being me, but it is at least mildly entertaining.  But once again, I thank you for tuning in to my little blog, and I will try for more regular and entertaining posts in the future.

 

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Monsters (and Bloggers) Need Love

Posted on November 29, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

One might just as well admit that it is easier not to make a blog post than to make one (one being me).  I could go on at length about how my depression makes it difficult to do
ANYTHING, beginning with getting out of bed in the morning, and how blogging is a form of communicating and I am in a decidedly non-communicative state, but these are half-baked philosophies (I deal in no other kind) better suited for Lame Post Friday.  How about some Mid-Week Monsters instead, and apologies for not posting on Tired Tuesday (I was in fact very tired, but explanations are even more tiresome; let us get on with the blog).

I surely would have used this had I posted yesterday, and I might call you Shirley.

I had the delightful experience this morning of thinking it was Tuesday but realizing it was Wednesday, so I feel free to use this picture.  I could feel a little sad it is not Friday, but what is wrong with Wednesday? All days need a little love.

“You need room-darkening shades, by the way.”

Monsters need a little love, too.  That is all Nosferatu is looking for here.  Love, and a little nutrition.  Even vampires need to eat!

Only my hairdo is not as good.

This is my current profile picture on Facebook.  It is a pretty good description of me, by the way.

I’m sure he meant it as a compliment.

Speaking of looking for love in all the wrong places…  I’m sure Drs. Frankenstein and Praetorious (don’t know if that’s spelled right; too lazy to look it up) thought these two were ideally suited.  That is what makes me suspicious of dating services.  How do they know who is and is not compatible?

I see I am approaching 300 words.  I call that respectable, as regular readers (if I still have any) know.  Yes, my little blog is looking for love, just like these monsters.  They say you have to give it to get it, and I do love my readers.  Happy Wednesday, everybody.

 

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Pre-Play Post

Posted on September 24, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

The question is do I have enough time to make a Scattered Saturday Post before I have to go to the theatre for the next performance of The Man in the Bowler Hat  (at Ilion Little Theatre; perhaps you read some of my blog posts about it) and I believe the answer is no.  Anyways, it has been more of a Slacker Saturday for me.  Judge me if you are so inclined.

I cannot tell if I am coming down with something or if it is my allergies making me feel miserable.   I suspect and hope the latter, because I would hate to be contagious.  In any case, I just thought I would whine about it.  Also, if I do come down with something and pass it on to you, don’t say I never gave you anything!

Where was I?  Ah yes, attempting some semblance of a blog post with one eye on the time.  That is, of course, just an expression.  My eyes do not act independently from one another, as I have heard some eyes in the animal kingdom do.

I finally got back to walking today, after taking too many days off.  I fear my lack of exercise has had a hand in my sad mood lately.  Of course I get some physical activity at work, but it is not the same thing (oh yeah, once again I neglected to ice my tennis elbow) (note to self: look up real term for “tennis elbow,” in order to avoid those yahoos who ask when you find time to play tennis).

Oh I’ll be damned! This nonsense has gotten me over 250 words!  I’ll throw 8n a picture for entertainment value, hit Publish, and call it a day.

I walked by the spring today.

 

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Would Ten-Finger Typing Have Helped?

Posted on August 25, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I meant to go for a walk or run after work today, so I could do a Running Commentary or Pedestrian Post.  I do not know why I thought I would do any such thing.  I am almost always tired after work these days.  I get very little done beyond the bare essentials.  In fact, as I type this (pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet, of course), I am remembering an essential or two I ought to be doing instead.

That was as far as I got earlier.  Full disclosure:  I did not do any of the aforementioned essentials, for which I am feeling suitably guilty.  Now I am back on my couch, on my Tablet, and I really would rather be headed to bed, but would like to make my blog post first.

Preview of Coming Attractions?

I looked in my Media Library at October 2016 for a Throwback Thursday picture.  When I was outside earlier, the air smelled like fall.  Additionally, my fall allergies are starting to kick in.  Therefore this picture from Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit seemed appropriate.   I have seen posts on Facebook telling fall junkies like me to “back our pumpkin spice asses off, summer isn’t over yet!”  Of course it is still summer.  In fact, tomorrow is supposed to be hot and humid, and won’t that be pleasant for all involved?

There’s a summer view!

I went to June 2020 for this one.  My deck has not been in good shape to hang out on for a while.  My toenails have not been painted, and those sandals are broken.  You can just see one of my late husband Steve’s legs, beyond the glass of wine, just to remind me that toenails and sandals are really not things to be sad about.

Oh dear, I did not mean to make a melancholy blog post.  I expect some sadness will always be with me, but I do not mean to burden others with my emotions.  Let me look for a pleasant memory to close with.

Cheers to you, Steve!

Here is Steve in Ruggerios Trattoria in Little Falls, NY in the summer of 2019.   Good memories!

And I see I am over 350 words.  Perhaps I could come up with an off the wall headline suitable for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.

 

 

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I Get By With A Little Help From My Monsters

Posted on August 22, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today is another Blogger’s Sick Day, and half a sick day from work as well.  The pain of my migraine subsided, but the nausea remained.  Just to whine and cry a little (or a lot).  However, I think I can manage a Monstrous Monday Post.  I do hate to miss a day.

Who says you can’t get a head?

Last night Vincent Price would have been more than welcome to take off my head, as he has apparently done here with Peter Lorre.  I guess these two are not technically monsters, but I think we can stretch a point.

A self portrait? 

Here is an authentic monster as well as a graphic depiction of how I feel.  Oops, a little more whining creeps in.  Then again, that is like the Blob too.  Remember the theme song:  “It creeps, and leaps, and crawls and sprawls…”

He’s nice!

I add a little cuteness with one of my own Halloween decorations.  It is almost time to decorate for Halloween again (yes, I rush the season; judge me if you are so inclined).  If I am up for it.  It is no secret my mood has been sad lately.  But I shall not burden my readers with more complaints.  Maybe one more picture…

Who could be un-cheered by Nosferatu?

Whatever my trials and tribulations,  monsters often help.

 

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Starting Over on Tired Tuesday?

Posted on August 9, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Have I enough oomph to make at least  Tired Tuesday Post before I retire for the evening?  I hope the answer is yes, but we shall see.  I had a certain amount of oomph earlier, which I used to get a few things done before rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre  (preview of coming attractions).  As I drove home, of course I remembered several things I did not get done, but I can’t do everything, after all.

 

I went for a walk before work this morning.  It was not a very long walk, but I assured myself that was not important.  The important thing was that I walked.  Likewise, my run this afternoon was short.  It seems odd that I can only manage such short bouts of exercise after training for and running the Utica Boilermaker 15K in July, but so it is.  I feel that once again I am starting over.

I ran by this sign on today’s run.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  Regular readers know how I love to enter where it says not to.  Don’t worry; I never do it when I am driving.

Earlier today I thought of posting as my Facebook status,  “How many times is one allowed to start over? Asking for a friend.”  I just imagined people would respond with encouraging words, but of course you never know.  In the end, I did not take the chance.

I see I have attained 250 words without mentioning that the reason I am so down is that I spent part of rehearsal thinking, “Oh, wait till I tell Steve about that!”  I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I will, I am sure, learn how to deal with it eventually.  In the meantime, I may just continue to mention it occassionally in a blog post.

 

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Wuss-Out or Way-Back, At Least it’s still Wednesday!

Posted on August 3, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I might just as well admit I am having a bad patch of days.  I feel down.  I feel tired.  I have no energy or ambition to do anything.  So I guess this will be a Wuss-out Wednesday Post.  And I am kind of forcing myself to make it on Wednesday instead of early Thursday morning.

However, I have gotten a whole paragraph pecked in and have not backspaced it out, so there’s that.

I am the one in the purple cape.

I thought it would be nice to make it a Way-Back Wednesday Post as well so found this picture in my Media Library from August 2017.  It is the cast of The Tempest as presented by LiFT, Little Falls Theatre Company.  It was a fun show.  I need a little more Shakespeare in my life.

You can see me better in this one.

Tomorrow I have my first real rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the one-act I am in as part of An Evening of Timeless Comedy at Ilion Little Theatre.   I do not know my lines yet.

Regular readers may notice that I am not at Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort for music and food, as I often am on a Wednesday.  I actually fixed my hair and put on a cute outfit including earrings, but I just could not get myself out the door.  These things happen, I suppose.

In the meantime, I see I am over 200 words.  Not too much of a Wuss-out after all.

 

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I Rattle, uh I Mean Carry On

Posted on July 27, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Late blog posts continue with my Wuss-out Wednesday Post being pecked in early Thursday morning.   I offer no defense or explanation, and the only thought in my head right now is thank God for coffee!  If it gets rid of my headache, my life will be perfect.

I do like flowers.

I threw in a picture to pep things up.  This is from July 2022.  My yard was no great shakes then, but I had a few blooms.  This year the back yard is rather a disaster and the front yard is only marginally better.  I had such high hopes, but alas did not match actions to dreams.

I haven’t worn that outfit in a while.

Since it is clear that this is going to be one of those posts where I share pictures from my Media Library and rattle on about them, here is one of me at Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort,  NY in July 2021.

I wore that shirt just the other day.

To inject a little silliness, here is my skeleton Bonita with her friend Bonaparte.  My husband, Steve, dressed her in the summer outfit.  He had a flair for such things.

I confess that these days I am coping with a great deal of sadness, with varying degrees of success.  However, I did manage a blog post of over 200 words.  Perhaps I can make Thursday’s blog post on time (although my predictive text thingy does not seem to think it is likely).

 

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I’m to Blame for the Blah

Posted on July 17, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

My rather blah weekend continues with a Wrist to Forehead Sunday Post.  To anybody who is playing that miniature violin (So snarky! And you know who you are), I point out that I am well aware I have only myself to blame for the blah (ooh, that might make a good headline! So alliterative).  Really, if blah is the worst thing that happens to me, I am ahead of the game.

I ran again this morning.  That is two days in a row of 20-minute runs. Exercise is very important.  I must get more of it.  Later I went to breakfast at Farm House Restaurant in Ilion NY.  It was either do the dishes, cook eggs in a big frying pan, or go out to eat.  I feel I made the right decision.

A good place to eat.

Later in the day I fixed myself hot dogs and beans.  I had gotten them for the Fourth of July but then decided to avoid fatty foods so close to the Boilermaker 15K.  For the past week every night after work, I had nothing in the house to eat yet felt it was entirely too much trouble to heat up hot dogs and beans.

“It doesn’t take much,” my mother pointed out to me.  I call my parents almost every day.

“These days,”  I replied, “it doesn’t take much for me to say, ‘Oh that’s too much trouble!’ ”

Today I discovered that it was in fact very little trouble.  I was inordinately pleased with myself.  I think I made the right choice there.  I could have been disgusted with myself for not cooking the hot dogs and beans sooner.  Instead I felt pleased.

So this is my blog post of blah weekend with hot dogs and beans.  Maybe I should have mentioned the hot dogs and beans in the headline.  Any thoughts?

 

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Boiling or Boilermaker?

Posted on July 6, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Wuss-out Wednesday follows Tired Tuesday, we all know that.  If you didn’t know, you do now.  I’m going to blame the weather.

I think I am!

I took a walk this morning but did not run after work.  I ran yesterday for three miles, thinking it would be my last long run before the Boilermaker 15K.  I hope to walk every day and have one or two short runs in the next three days.  Only three day?  Yikes!

Now is about the time I ask myself why I signed up for this silly race anyways. I should perhaps mention that this has happened to me every time I have run the Boilermaker (can’t remember how many times that is;  I would have to count my Boilermaker glasses).  This year, of course, everything is different.

It seems I had some good reasons when I signed up.  I do not currently remember them.   I registered pretty much the minute registration opened.  A short time later the palliative care nurse called me and said we had to talk.  I know what palliative care is (my sisters had to look it up).  Thus started a very bad time in my life.

So this year my running the 15K feels all tied up in my grief and depression over my husband’s death.  I don’t know that I think something magical is going to happen as I cross the finish line.  I think mostly I feel grateful that the race gave me motivation to keep running.  Exercise has helped me a lot.

I guess I have not entirely wussed out today, as I see I am over 250 words.  Perhaps tomorrow I will take one of those shorter runs I mentioned and attempt a Running Commentary Post.  It is All Boilermaker All The Time Week after all.

 

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