Tag Archives: depression

Lame As I Ever Was

Posted on July 13, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Hello, blogosphere, I am back!  What, blogosphere isn’t a word yet? I hear it all the time.  Perhaps I have it misspelled.  In any case, I am back on the blog after losing a few days to technical difficulties and my usual malaise which makes it a major effort for me to do anything.  I finally got back on my Chromebook. Phew!  I know, I could have posted from my Tablet, as I used to do all the time, but that, too has become problematic.  When I finish the post, I can’t type in a headline at all, and when I try to add categories and tags, the screen jumps every time I hit a key.  For the last post, I got on my phone to add headline and tags.

Now I feel a little ashamed for not going through such a rigamarole again (but I KNOW rigamarole is a word!  It has been a word for years!).

Random picture to denote passage of time.

I found it in my Webster’s dictionary.  “Rigamarole” is another spelling of “rigmarole.”  I think the extra syllable adds to the expressiveness of the term.  I recently read in an English history book about the origin of the word.  Of course I cannot remember it now, but I know which book it was in, and I will look it up for use on a future blog post.

My bestie, Kim, is coming to visit today.  Regular readers know she moved away early this year, to the detriment of my Saturday adventuring.  I’m sure we will have a lot of fun today, although I am a little concerned at the forecast of high 80’s.

This has been me and many of my co-workers all week.

I had actually been looking for a Mohawk Valley adventure picture to share, but I found this one and couldn’t resist.

 

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In the Mood for Monsters?

Posted on April 30, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl
In the Mood for Monsters?

Hello and welcome to another Monstrous Monday post.  I can’t say my Monday has been thoroughly monstrous, but I am feeling… well, never mind how I am feeling.  It is tiresome to always listen to someone whine about their feelings.  Anyways, I may very well feel differently after I encounter a few of my favorite monsters.

An evocative shot, yes?

Here is one from my favorite Nosferatu, the 1922 silent film.  They made more use of shadows in the older movies.  I think it is scary.  I like it.

Which is the bad guy?

In the interests of using a picture I haven’t used many times already (yes, I am still going to my Media Library for Monstrous Monday; haven’t learned how to get new pictures on the Chromebook yet), I show this one, which I do not remember using before and have no idea what movie it is from.  It looks like an alien and a fish monster.  Do any of you recognize it? If so, please comment and tell me.

A more homegrown monster.

Tired of looking for more movie monsters, I offer this show of my own Bonita, wearing a doggy devil mask I picked up at a rummage sale.  It is hard to see, but she is holding the bouquet of black tulips my friend Jerry made for a murder mystery.  He presented them to me after the performance, and they have been part of my Halloween decor ever since.

And that brings me over 200 words.  Score!  I thank my monsters, and I thank my readers for tuning in once again.

 

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I Can Only Do So Much on Tired Tuesday

Posted on April 17, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Did I mention this would probably be a Tired Tuesday Post? I think I did.

Always a favorite meme.

I drove to work thinking that Tuesdays, like Mondays, must be endured.  I remembered a saying I had back in the ’80’s:  “Today is a bad day.  Yesterday was a bad day.  Tomorrow will be a bad day.”  It was my angst-ridden pose, I suppose.  I told my work friend Zach about my saying, and he said, “Now you sound like Eeyore.”  I replied that I have always identified with Eeyore.  Oh, quit playing those miniature violins.  I’m not in a gloomy, angst-ridden mood now, and I am certainly not feeling sorry for myself.  I am merely tired.  Hence, the Tired Tuesday Post.

Earlier this evening, I finished and emailed my submission to Mohawk Valley Living magazine for May.  I hope they like it.  I always say writing begets more writing, but sometimes I am only good for so much per day.  Perhaps if I began to lead a healthier lifestyle, I would not feel so tired in the evenings and I could write more. I must research healthy lifestyles. I am afraid vegetables will be involved.  Cue jokes about how I am already a vegetable.

There’s something healthy

I thought I would throw in a cheerier picture to end with.  I see I am over 200 words, which regular readers know I consider respectable, especially for these nothing posts.  As usual, I will try for something better tomorrow, and hope you will all stay tuned.

 

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In Your Easter Bonnet, With All The Frills Upon It…

Posted on March 28, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am a well-known slob.  Since Steven’s death (and even before) it has taken on ungodly proportions.  I share this as an explanation or maybe just an introduction to the picture I took this morning to share in a blog post.

This is the sort of thing I often see in my house.

When I try to get one coffee filter out of the package, two or three often stick together.  I just leave them all outside of the package, knowing I will use them and feeling that it is too much trouble to do otherwise (many things in my life these days feel like too much trouble; that is because of my depression, and I generally strive to do them anyways).  Last night I noticed that the extra filters had landed on this goblet  It is a plastic goblet, suitable for use on the porch or deck.  The flute next to it is plastic as well.  We have had one or two porch-sitting days this spring.

I thought it looked cute, like a bride or a lady wearing an Easter bonnet (seasonal!).  I thought the champagne flute gave the tableau a festive air.  The surrounding spices, coffee tin and what-not, I suppose only clutter up the image, but I must be honest in what I depict.  One could argue that I was too lazy to clean things up.  However, I go with my former reasoning.  I figure, I liked the image because the filter accidentally fell as if the goblet was wearing it.  It would add a layer of artificiality if I were to purposely clean up the surrounding area.  It may be a rationalization, but I like it (thus rationalizing my rationalization).

I see I am approaching 300 words.  Score!  When I first noticed the goblet and filter, I did not take a picture but merely enjoyed it.  It was not till I awoke this morning that I realized it would be an excellent illustration for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.

 

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Some Blog Post, Any Blog Post?

Posted on March 18, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have been writing the following in my head for a number of days now:

I look at my pile of dirty dishes and think, “This is what depression looks like.”  I look at the unwashed laundry and think, “This is what depression looks like.”  I lie down, unable to sleep yet do not get back up and do something and think, “This is what depression looks like.”

And when I think about typing that into a blog post, I think of readers who will say, “Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself!”  Sometimes I say it to myself.  More often I just force myself to do something, anything.  Wash a few dishes.  Do one load of laundry.  At least move some dirty clothes from the floor into a laundry basket.

Make a blog post.

That last is what I have emphatically NOT been able to do lately.  What the hell, me?

Sign of spring, sight of hope?

I thought I should throw in a picture before I got too bogged down in discouragement.  I found these crocuses in my back yard the other day and took a picture with my phone.  I was happy to see them.  Since I never raked up any leaves last fall, I wondered if any crocuses would be able to bloom.

Ooh, a deep metaphor just occurred to me:  The un-raked leaves are my depression, and the crocuses are the little baby steps I take to try to help myself.  Oh well, maybe it is not a deep metaphor, or even a particularly accurate one.  My excuse for not raking the leaves is that I read somewhere that it is environmentally better:  bugs, birds, etc. use leaves for shelter or something like that.  I read it in a Facebook meme.  No, I do not believe everything I read on the internet.  Only when it provides a handy excuse for my own laziness, I suppose.

Funny thing: I am feeling a little more cheery now.  The magic of writing something, anything?  The act of using my brain to delineate a metaphor?  Or just laughing at myself for getting so profound over my failure to rake a few leaves?  As I have observed many times:  It is not easy being me, but it is at least mildly entertaining.  But once again, I thank you for tuning in to my little blog, and I will try for more regular and entertaining posts in the future.

 

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Monsters (and Bloggers) Need Love

Posted on November 29, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

One might just as well admit that it is easier not to make a blog post than to make one (one being me).  I could go on at length about how my depression makes it difficult to do
ANYTHING, beginning with getting out of bed in the morning, and how blogging is a form of communicating and I am in a decidedly non-communicative state, but these are half-baked philosophies (I deal in no other kind) better suited for Lame Post Friday.  How about some Mid-Week Monsters instead, and apologies for not posting on Tired Tuesday (I was in fact very tired, but explanations are even more tiresome; let us get on with the blog).

I surely would have used this had I posted yesterday, and I might call you Shirley.

I had the delightful experience this morning of thinking it was Tuesday but realizing it was Wednesday, so I feel free to use this picture.  I could feel a little sad it is not Friday, but what is wrong with Wednesday? All days need a little love.

“You need room-darkening shades, by the way.”

Monsters need a little love, too.  That is all Nosferatu is looking for here.  Love, and a little nutrition.  Even vampires need to eat!

Only my hairdo is not as good.

This is my current profile picture on Facebook.  It is a pretty good description of me, by the way.

I’m sure he meant it as a compliment.

Speaking of looking for love in all the wrong places…  I’m sure Drs. Frankenstein and Praetorious (don’t know if that’s spelled right; too lazy to look it up) thought these two were ideally suited.  That is what makes me suspicious of dating services.  How do they know who is and is not compatible?

I see I am approaching 300 words.  I call that respectable, as regular readers (if I still have any) know.  Yes, my little blog is looking for love, just like these monsters.  They say you have to give it to get it, and I do love my readers.  Happy Wednesday, everybody.

 

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Pre-Play Post

Posted on September 24, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

The question is do I have enough time to make a Scattered Saturday Post before I have to go to the theatre for the next performance of The Man in the Bowler Hat  (at Ilion Little Theatre; perhaps you read some of my blog posts about it) and I believe the answer is no.  Anyways, it has been more of a Slacker Saturday for me.  Judge me if you are so inclined.

I cannot tell if I am coming down with something or if it is my allergies making me feel miserable.   I suspect and hope the latter, because I would hate to be contagious.  In any case, I just thought I would whine about it.  Also, if I do come down with something and pass it on to you, don’t say I never gave you anything!

Where was I?  Ah yes, attempting some semblance of a blog post with one eye on the time.  That is, of course, just an expression.  My eyes do not act independently from one another, as I have heard some eyes in the animal kingdom do.

I finally got back to walking today, after taking too many days off.  I fear my lack of exercise has had a hand in my sad mood lately.  Of course I get some physical activity at work, but it is not the same thing (oh yeah, once again I neglected to ice my tennis elbow) (note to self: look up real term for “tennis elbow,” in order to avoid those yahoos who ask when you find time to play tennis).

Oh I’ll be damned! This nonsense has gotten me over 250 words!  I’ll throw 8n a picture for entertainment value, hit Publish, and call it a day.

I walked by the spring today.

 

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Would Ten-Finger Typing Have Helped?

Posted on August 25, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

I meant to go for a walk or run after work today, so I could do a Running Commentary or Pedestrian Post.  I do not know why I thought I would do any such thing.  I am almost always tired after work these days.  I get very little done beyond the bare essentials.  In fact, as I type this (pecking in one letter at a time with the stylus on my Tablet, of course), I am remembering an essential or two I ought to be doing instead.

That was as far as I got earlier.  Full disclosure:  I did not do any of the aforementioned essentials, for which I am feeling suitably guilty.  Now I am back on my couch, on my Tablet, and I really would rather be headed to bed, but would like to make my blog post first.

Preview of Coming Attractions?

I looked in my Media Library at October 2016 for a Throwback Thursday picture.  When I was outside earlier, the air smelled like fall.  Additionally, my fall allergies are starting to kick in.  Therefore this picture from Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit seemed appropriate.   I have seen posts on Facebook telling fall junkies like me to “back our pumpkin spice asses off, summer isn’t over yet!”  Of course it is still summer.  In fact, tomorrow is supposed to be hot and humid, and won’t that be pleasant for all involved?

There’s a summer view!

I went to June 2020 for this one.  My deck has not been in good shape to hang out on for a while.  My toenails have not been painted, and those sandals are broken.  You can just see one of my late husband Steve’s legs, beyond the glass of wine, just to remind me that toenails and sandals are really not things to be sad about.

Oh dear, I did not mean to make a melancholy blog post.  I expect some sadness will always be with me, but I do not mean to burden others with my emotions.  Let me look for a pleasant memory to close with.

Cheers to you, Steve!

Here is Steve in Ruggerios Trattoria in Little Falls, NY in the summer of 2019.   Good memories!

And I see I am over 350 words.  Perhaps I could come up with an off the wall headline suitable for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.

 

 

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I Get By With A Little Help From My Monsters

Posted on August 22, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Today is another Blogger’s Sick Day, and half a sick day from work as well.  The pain of my migraine subsided, but the nausea remained.  Just to whine and cry a little (or a lot).  However, I think I can manage a Monstrous Monday Post.  I do hate to miss a day.

Who says you can’t get a head?

Last night Vincent Price would have been more than welcome to take off my head, as he has apparently done here with Peter Lorre.  I guess these two are not technically monsters, but I think we can stretch a point.

A self portrait? 

Here is an authentic monster as well as a graphic depiction of how I feel.  Oops, a little more whining creeps in.  Then again, that is like the Blob too.  Remember the theme song:  “It creeps, and leaps, and crawls and sprawls…”

He’s nice!

I add a little cuteness with one of my own Halloween decorations.  It is almost time to decorate for Halloween again (yes, I rush the season; judge me if you are so inclined).  If I am up for it.  It is no secret my mood has been sad lately.  But I shall not burden my readers with more complaints.  Maybe one more picture…

Who could be un-cheered by Nosferatu?

Whatever my trials and tribulations,  monsters often help.

 

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Starting Over on Tired Tuesday?

Posted on August 9, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Have I enough oomph to make at least  Tired Tuesday Post before I retire for the evening?  I hope the answer is yes, but we shall see.  I had a certain amount of oomph earlier, which I used to get a few things done before rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre  (preview of coming attractions).  As I drove home, of course I remembered several things I did not get done, but I can’t do everything, after all.

 

I went for a walk before work this morning.  It was not a very long walk, but I assured myself that was not important.  The important thing was that I walked.  Likewise, my run this afternoon was short.  It seems odd that I can only manage such short bouts of exercise after training for and running the Utica Boilermaker 15K in July, but so it is.  I feel that once again I am starting over.

I ran by this sign on today’s run.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  Regular readers know how I love to enter where it says not to.  Don’t worry; I never do it when I am driving.

Earlier today I thought of posting as my Facebook status,  “How many times is one allowed to start over? Asking for a friend.”  I just imagined people would respond with encouraging words, but of course you never know.  In the end, I did not take the chance.

I see I have attained 250 words without mentioning that the reason I am so down is that I spent part of rehearsal thinking, “Oh, wait till I tell Steve about that!”  I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I will, I am sure, learn how to deal with it eventually.  In the meantime, I may just continue to mention it occassionally in a blog post.

 

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