Tag Archives: not writing

Typing on Tired Tuesday

I felt so tired yesterday, I was sure I would be less tired today, obviating the need for a Tired Tuesday post today.  I did write today.  I spent my breaks at work and some time after work composing my article for Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  It will be a good article.  I hope.  I’m letting it cool off before I re-read it.  At least, I guess it’s my brain that needs to cool off.  The actual article won’t change as it sits.

It is so interesting to me about my articles.  First I have to sit there thinking, “I can’t write this.  I am not able to write this.  Maybe I can write this later.  I can’t write this now.  Whatever will I do if I can’t write this?”  Then I put pen to paper and write it.  Sometimes I get to the second part fairly quickly.  This time I didn’t do too badly.

What I need to do now is apply the “put pen to paper and write” step to my other writing projects:  the banana play, my novel (which novel?  ANY novel!  Pick one I’ve started any time these last forty-odd years!) (um, yes, very odd years).  I keep thinking I am about to do just that, and something seems to stop me.  I’m afraid it is me.  That is rather an embarrassing admission, but it is empowering as well.  The problem is me?  Well, who controls me but ME?  Who can change me?  ME!

Only right now I’m too tired.

Ah, there is something to work on.  I feel sure I am able to write when I am tired.  It is just a matter of doing it.  Like, for example, right now. I am WRITING (actually typing) a foolish blog post (yes, as Truman Capote said, “that’s not writing, that’s typing;” insult me if you like, but acknowledge where you got the quote).  If I can write a foolish blog post when I am tired, no doubt I can write something else.  Maybe a non-foolish blog post?  Let’s not ask for miracles.  Especially on Tired Tuesday.

 

More Second Guessing on Tired Tuesday

This morning I wrote the following in my notebook:

History, cheese and wine, what’s not to like? Writing a blog post about them, apparently.

Then I put parentheses around the second sentence and went onto begin a blog post about the event I was referring to.  Alas, I did not finish it.  However, I liked my acknowledgement of my initial resistance to writing so thought I would tap out a few thoughts about that and call it a Tired Tuesday.

Sometimes the rush of Just Don’t Feel Like It is mere laziness or another bout of our old enemy Fear Of Not Being Good Enough. The operative thing to do is put the pen on the paper and give it a try.  In today’s case, it worked.  If my break had been longer, perhaps I could have finished the post and avoided another post about Why I Can’t Write a Post (I’m using a lot of capitalization in this paragraph; sorry if it bothers anybody).

However, sometimes resistance is trying to tell a writer something.  I hesitated a moment before I wrote the second sentence earlier.  Proponents of free-writing will shake their heads and say, “Tsk-tsk,” but sometimes when I am writing, I think a sentence and do not write it down.  Then I decided to write it down and to ponder the thought.  I wondered if I wasn’t becoming bored because my posts were becoming monotonous.  I wondered if my readers were becoming bored — ghastly thought!  I did not ponder the thought long but kept writing,  to see how it would go.

It actually did not go too bad.  It just isn’t finished.  But is it good enough?  Have I become monotonous?  Are my posts still amusing and readable (dare I say — witty)?  Or am I just second guessing myself as usual?

Ah, I think I’m on to something there!  As I said earlier, it is my old enemy, Fear Of Not Being Good Enough.  But here’s a question: why do I feel that fear so much more on an ordinary post than on a Post About Why I Can’t Write A Post?  I suppose the bar is set lower for today’s kind of post.  Then again, who sets the bar but me?  Well, I can’t start second guessing myself about this post.  For one reason, I have to get ready for rehearsal (remember, All Much Ado All The Time).

 

No New Leaf

So Sunday I declared Monday would be New Leaf Monday, and it turned out to be the same damn leaf after all.  Then I had a Tired Tuesday but hoped for better.  Then today I had a migraine which at times reached nightmare proportions (but only at times, so I’ve got that going for me).  Is it a Wuss-out Wednesday?  I think instead I’ll call it a Blogger’s Sick Day.  Fellow migraine sufferers will understand.

I won’t give an hour by hour recap of my day’s suffering (although I enjoy doing that on occasion). I will share one frustration.  I finished an article for Mohawk Valley Living magazine yesterday, but I had two attractions to write about.  I managed to begin my second article while at word today.  I looked up a couple of things online just now, but I don’t think I can finish it.  This is what I get for waiting for deadline week to write these things.  What is my problem?  I guess I need to try for another New Leaf Monday.

So there I was, logged on to WordPress, wanting to make my blog post but feeling quite brain dead, and doing what I usually do in that case which is read other people’s blogs.  I came across a post titled “Writing A Post Before The End Of The Day” at hachland.com, a pretty fun blog and I don’t just say it because it is written by a cousin of mine.  I thought, “Perfect!  This is just where I’m at.”

Hmmm…. Kind of an interesting post.  But I thought I’d better stop procrastinating and write my own.  So I did.  Such as it is.

Maybe I could go for New Leaf Thursday instead.

 

Writing about Writing and Not Writing

How long has it been since I’ve had a real Tired Tuesday post?  Has it been a whole week already?  (Um, that was a joke.)  I have no real reason to be so tired.  I went to bed in a timely fashion last night.  I worked a normal eight hour day.  We’ll blame it on the weather.  Some people thrive in the heat and humidity.  Some of us, not so much.

I did write today.  Before my shift at work began I wrote diligently on an article to submit to Mohawk Valley Living magazine.  I concluded it on a break and felt pleased.  That was when I realized something about myself.  When I finish a piece of writing, my impulse is to stop.  I think, “Ah, done,” and I want to close the notebook and move on to something else not writing.  I don’t think this always happens, but it certainly happened to me today.

However, I did not want it to happen today.  I couldn’t think what to write a blog post about, but I had another topic for the magazine. I looked in my notebook,  to see if I had started anything on it.  I had not but found a letter I had started to a friend two weeks ago.  I worked on that.  I consider that all writing counts.  Full disclosure:  I spent one break working on a crossword puzzle with a co-worker.  I do like that mental stimulation.

I felt dreadfully tired for most of the day.  That is why I believe the weather is to blame.  Back home from work, I ran in place on the mini-tramp for 22 minutes.  It was not easy.  I think I run faster on the mini-tramp than I do on the sidewalk.  It is definitely bouncier.  When I finished that I felt so tired I didn’t want to continue standing long enough to take a shower.  However, with the amount of sweat and stink I had accumulated by then, the shower was the best place for me.

I managed to type my article into the computer, looking a couple of things up, adding and editing.  I like to think I’m a good writer.  I emailed the article to my husband Steven, so he can offer his opinion.

But my blog post, my blog post, I MUST publish a blog post!  So as you see, I sat at the laptop and just typed.  I hope my readers will find some entertainment in my words.  Happy Tuesday, everyone.

 

Blame it on the Boilermaker

Yesterday I sat down to write a post about Why I Can’t Write a Post Today and then came up with a serviceable Running Commentary.  Today I don’t think that’s going to work out.  I don’t think my brain is in particularly serviceable shape today.  That is OK, though, because it is Wrist to Forehead Sunday.

In Utica, NY, it is also Boilermaker Sunday.  I ran in the Boilermaker 15K last year.  I vowed I would never run it again, but I don’t think anybody believed me.  Sure enough, what I feared would happen came to pass.  As I saw and heard all the hoopla surrounding the race as it approached, I felt sorry I was not part of it.  Today when Facebook friends posted pictures and statuses about it, I commented on them that I would run it next year.  Will I follow through?  Quite possibly I will.

Steven, Spunky and I have been having a pleasant lazy Sunday.  It has been raining on and off, but I managed a pretty good run this morning and we have taken a couple of short walks.  The main event of the day has been movies, although I fear we spent almost as much time discussing what we wanted to watch as we have spent watching them.  I also made quite a tasty dinner.

And yet it really is a Wrist to Forehead Sunday.  I’m glad I ran this morning, or else I fear I would be swooning on the sofa or reaching for my smelling salts (I actually don’t have any smelling salts, do you suppose regular salt would work?).  Is it really angst that I did not participate in the country’s premiere 15K?  Or is it sorrow that the only thing I can write is how I can’t write today?  Or is it a mere desire to be dramatic?  Hmm… I bet that’s it.  Hope to see you all on Middle-aged Musings Monday.

 

It’s No Puzzle Why I’m Lame

That is a lame headline even for Lame Post Friday.  If I come up with something better before I hit publish, I’ll fix it and change the lead.  Oh, editing.  If only I did more of it.  I’ve talked about edited and polished vs. pure inspiration.  Alas, I have no inspiration today.  But, as you see, I am writing anyways, so those of you who were gearing up for the superior lecture on how One Must Not Await Inspiration, stand down.

Isn’t that a lovely expression?  “Stand down.”  More military than “Sit down.”  More dignified than “Shut up.”  I think I will use it more often.

Astute readers have guessed by now that I spent my breaks at work doing cryptogram  or crossword puzzles rather than writing a blog post.  I also looked at the list I wrote on Tuesday of things to accomplish this week.  I reflected that I have many things to do between today and tomorrow. Then I went back to the puzzle at hand.  I am quite addicted to cryptogram puzzles.

Waaaait a minute.  I  wrote that list on Tuesday.  Doesn’t that mean that I have till Tuesday of next week to complete the items on the list?  I think it does.

In the meantime,  it’s Friday.  I have lines to learn for the play I’m in.  I have work to do on the play I’m writing. I have dirty laundry and a messy house.  I have a dog to walk and a husband to visit with (once he gets home from work).  Full disclosure:  I also have true crime shows to watch on cable television.  I’m only human after all.  Happy Friday, everyone.

 

From Witch to Watch

Oh, I  tried to write a blog post this morning.  There I was, on a break at work, snack at my side, notebook open… and I did a cryptogram puzzle I cut out of the newspaper.  Then I felt properly ashamed of myself and began writing a post about a cheesy movie I watched recently.  I had been thinking about the movie while I was working (as I have mentioned many times, you can do that with my job).  First I couldn’t remember the title or the plot.  Then when I remembered the title, parts of the plot came back to me.  I even thought of a few witty things to say about it (or do I flatter myself?) (we can’t tell till I write the post).

I got a few sentences out, but it just was not working well.  It was kind of a relief when break ended.  I cravenly stuck with cryptograms  and crossword puzzles during lunch (how’s that for a nice bit of alliteration?  I may use that for the title, thus blowing any chance of this being a true Non-Sequitur Thursday).

You can disregard that last parenthetical comment; I’m sticking with my first headline.  However, since I intend to explain said headline, this may not count as Non-Sequitur Thursday after all.  No matter, because I want to tell you about the Watch.

I’ve mentioned that I am in Much Ado About Nothing with LiFT Theatre Company in Little Falls.  I am the Friar.  At rehearsal last night, the director asked me if I would mind taking another small part.  Of course I never turn these things down.  More stage time? Another character?  I’m in!  The part is Second Watch.  I’m this homespun, uneducated farmer-type who has been recruited to be on the watch.  I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s a pretty funny part, and there are not many lines for me to learn.

One reason I think it is so fun to be Second Watch is that some time ago, when I was in a scene from MacBeth, directed by the same fellow who is currently directing, I was the Third Witch (wouldn’t it have been so cool if I had been the Second?  You can’t have everything).  I wrote several blog posts about it.  Perhaps you read one or two of them.

I will write more about Second Watch and Much Ado About Nothing in days to come. I hope to also finish that post about the movie.  I shall also get back to that list I mentioned in an earlier post this week.  I’m thinking I’d better get a move on if I want to cross out any more items.  Happy Thursday, everyone.

 

 

Back to Work, But Not on the Blog

So I went back to work today.  I did not bring a puzzle book or anything to read.  I brought a notebook and pen, because I was going to write.  I would not be forced to have a Tired Tuesday or Bad Attituesday.  I was going to write a real post!

First I wrote a to-do list for the week. I was having one of those days when I thought that getting my act together was an actual possibility.  I suppose it is really under the heading Keep Dreaming.  Then again, if we don’t go for these things, we’ll never know how much we can accomplish.  I’ll keep you posted on how I do with it.

After finishing the list, I turned a page or two back and wrote two more lines on the Banana Play.  I had thought I might finish that play on my week off (see above paragraph about having my act together and Keep Dreaming).   I have also been thinking, “Oh, nobody really expects me to finish that damn play.  It isn’t very good anyways.  I should start a new novel instead and finish that instead.”  Yet I managed to write a little.

Still not feeling up to a blog post, I found a blank page and began a letter to someone I have not written to in a while.  I thought this was a good thing to do because, for one reason, it is good to send somebody a letter.  For another reason, I told her about some of the Mohawk Valley adventures I’ve had recently.  I thought I might get inspired to write a blog post or two.  Unfortunately, my break was not that long.

Back at work, I was thinking in a vague sort of way about my Banana Play when I had some GREAT ideas about what could come next.  Almost a whole new direction for the plot and a couple of the characters.  This was cool.  I couldn’t wait to get back to my notebook!

Bottom line is, I do not feel too bad about not writing a blog post earlier today.  One might think I could just write one now, but it seems beyond me.  I don’t know why that is.  Some days I sit at the keyboard and compose a perfectly acceptable post about an area event, attraction or business.  Some days not so much.  What, I ask, are you going to do?  Well, I hope you are going to still read my blog tomorrow.  What I’m going to do is publish this post and see if I can’t write a few more lines on the Banana Play.

 

Facial Reflections on a Monday

A couple of day ago, I typed part of a post in on (in on?  Is that right?) our tablet.  I lamented the difficulty of typing one letter at a time with the stylus, although it was kind of a fun game as well.  Today I post with a different difficulty.  I am sitting on my front porch and it seems the ambient light (I simply adore the word “ambient”) is not conducive. Superimposed on my computer screen is the wall of my house, a little bit of window, the mailbox, and my own ugly face.  Oh, I guess some people do not find it ugly.  Actually, my hair looks kind of cool.  But I digress.

I was determined that this shall not be another week of I Got Nuthin’ (ooh, just flashed on the song from Porgy and Bess, “I Got Plenty o’ Nothin'”).  For one reason, I am off work.  What else do I have to do but have Mohawk Valley adventures and write about them? Oh well, I guess a few things.  Laundry, finishing the banana play, learning my lines for Much Ado About Nothing, a few other assorted household chores… Ah, here we come to a truism of the Writing Life.  There are always things to do other than writing.

For example, what have I done today?  I took a lovely run, hung out with my husband till he had to go to stupid work, did several loads of laundry, including folding most of them, talked to my mother and one sister on the phone, started a letter to a friend (ooh! that was writing!), took the dog for two walks (three if you count the cool-down after my run) ,did the dishes… um, I think that was all.  Oh, all right I took a nap.  What’s your point?

The whole time I felt a dreadful resistance to writing.  This may have been pure laziness, and I tried to be firm with myself.  All I could manage was said letter to friend.  And how silly am I being?  If I truly could not progress on the banana play, I could have done a Running Commentary, a Pedestrian Post about either or both of the dog walks, or even a Preview of Coming Attractions about what I intend to do tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

And yet, here I sit, looking at my own face and getting eyestrain trying to see the words around it and just, well, typing.  The good thing is that my husband has now joined me.  I’ll read him what I have so far and see if he thinks it is OK and perhaps can help me think of a title.

 

Who, Me, Multi-Task?

It is a well-known fact that I do not have my act together.  I don’t even pretend to have my act together.  Anybody who thinks I have now or have ever at any point in my life had my act together is deluded.  Anybody with half a brain who is paying the slightest bit of attention knows: I’m a mess.

This is not to say I have no hopes of ever getting my act together.  On the contrary, I keep thinking I might.  Some days I would settle for having the various parts of my act on the same continent — oh, hell, the same planet!  Where was I going with this?

I suppose it is an introduction to another Wuss-out Wednesday post.

I did some writing earlier today, while on breaks at work.  It was on the banana play.  I got a marvelous inspiration for the plot, but I dare not say a word about it.  If you talk too much about these things you lose all impetus to write them, although sometimes the urge to talk about them is overwhelming.  For one reason, I feel so clever and pleased with myself, I almost admire my ideas as a thing entirely separate from myself and my not inconsiderable ego (when it comes to writing anyways).  I generously desire to give others the opportunity to admire (yes, quite a large ego when it comes to writing).

OK, I’ll admit it, the other reason to refrain from telling people my brilliant ideas is the quite reasonable fear that other people will not find them, or by extension me, as brilliant.

Getting back to my day, I made not one, not two but THREE stops on my way home from work.  I picked up two pairs of shoes that had been repaired at Melfe’s in Ilion, also dropping off another pair for the same repair.  I had waited far too long since Melfe’s called to tell me the repairs were done, but the people at Melfe’s were very nice about it.  I also stopped at a big-box store to purchase some yarn and a couple of other items.  My third stop was by Curves, not to exercise but to drop off an afghan I am donating to a friend who has a team walking in the Sitrin’s Stars and Strips Run/Walk.  She intends to raffle it for fundraising purposes.

As I reached home I felt I did not want to — was not capable of — accomplishing all that I had wanted to.  I was impressed enough with myself that I had made my stops. Surely I could sit down for a while.  Long story short (I know, too late), I didn’t.  I walked our dog, Spunky (I was always going to do THAT, however tired and stupid I felt).  Then I changed into workout clothes and put a load of laundry into the washer.  While the washer ran, I ran in place on the mini-tramp.  Spunky stared at me for a while, apparently waiting to see if there was any point in my gyrations.  When he couldn’t figure it out, he went and laid down on the couch.

After a short run (so boring, even with the television on!), I put the laundry into the dryer, bringing the non-drierables upstairs to hang on the bars.  Then I took my shower, put on comfy clothes and went down to the kitchen to fix dinner.  It took a while to get stuff chopped and into the pot, but soon it was simmering and I could get on the computer to check my email and Facebook notifications.

The point of this long, dull post (I hope not too dull) is, I guess, that even though I did not write a good blog post during the course of the day, I got a few things done.  I thought of that headline earlier, before I got around to composing this post.  I’m not sure it really fits, but it will have to do.  We’ll consider it a little Non-Sequitur Thursday creeping in early.  I’m sure ready to move on to the end of the week.