Category Archives: humor

In Search of Oomph

I am back to last week’s malady: posting the next morning for the day before.  I just couldn’t make myself do it.  Full disclosure:  I did not try very hard.  Let us not delve into the sordid reasons why I was having a Bad Attituesday (OK, they were not exactly sordid, but I felt the need to be dramatic just then) (regular readers will understand) (did you notice how I refrained from calling you Shirley?  That was what I first typed in) (I don’t have to explain that joke, do I?) (but I digress).

So I guess this is going to be a post with lots of parenthetical comments, to disguise the fact that, as usual, I got nuthin’.  In fact, I had a few things I could type about yesterday, but, as I mentioned, I lacked the oomph.  I think that is one thing writers need above all other things: Oomph.  Where exactly does one get oomph?

Ah yes, I was afraid somebody would say that it comes from within.  I have known for years that motivation follows action. You can sit there and say, “I just don’t feel like it,” or you can start to do whatever “it” is, and soon you will feel motivated to continue.  Well, if that magic formula worked every time, we would not continue to feel so discouraged when we just didn’t feel like doing it, now, would we?  Because it cannot be denied that it does not always work.

However, today it seems to be working out just fine for me.  Here I am over 250 words.  It could be the addition of coffee that is responsible.  Or it could be that these are, I admit it, not particularly inspired words.  I was going to say “interesting,” but how do I know what other people are interested in?  To each his own, as the old lady said when she kissed the cow.  If you have read thus far, thank you for playing.  I hope you’ll tune in later today for what might turn out to be yet another Wuss-out Wednesday Post.

 

Pre-Rehearsal Monsters

Really, when you come to think of it, my life is pretty boring.

To begin this week’s Monstrous Monday post, I went to our laptop’s Downloads, to see if my husband, Steven, had downloaded any monsters I hadn’t used yet.  This is what I found.  I would love an outfit like the one that lady is wearing, but I am less enamored with her escort.  She looks as if she is regretting it as well.  You just can’t trust those on-line dating apps.

“Did somebody say Monstrous Monday?”

Finding no further treasures in the Downloads, I return to my Media Library and find my old favorite, Nosferatu (1922).  I should perhaps mention that I am posting in haste (posthaste, that is an old word seldom used these days), because I have a rehearsal this evening.  I feel fortunate that I don’t have any days of two rehearsals this week (unless we reschedule Wednesday’s rehearsal for Thursday, but I can’t worry about that now).  One murder mystery is in the books!  In less than two weeks, both murder mysteries will be over and done with, and I will only have to worry about Morning’s at Seven (the full-length play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre).  Regular readers may recall that I mentioned in a vague sort of way another theatre project I may have undertaken.  Well, it seems not, so Phew!

My happy face when I only have one rehearsal.

I hope to do a couple of longer posts, telling more about my theatrical endeavors, especially in case local readers might like to attend.  For today, though, I must say Happy Monday and may all your monsters be nice ones.

 

Psycho to Snapped on Wrist to Forehead Sunday

I have not watched enough movies for a proper Cinema Sunday, yet I am having too good a time for a real Wrist to Forehead Sunday.  Not an unmitigatedly wonderful time, mind you.  But let us not dwell on the negative.

Isn’t she pretty?

We just watched Psycho (1960). For being so popular, I must say it is one of my least favorite Hitchcock movies.  It is so ponderous.

It is a pretty creepy stare, no?

However, it is an entertaining enough flick.  We enjoy it once in a while.  I wanted to watch The Birds (1963), because this morning, a veritable horde of birds was making a lot of noise in our back yard.  A few were flying around, but most were perched in the tree just behind our deck.  They were luckily quiet when I left for the grocery store later on.

The birds I saw this morning were not so large.

But rather than watching another movie, I want to watch the new episode of Snapped, which I am in fact missing as I type this.

Who doesn’t love Snapped?

I couldn’t find my Snapped logo in my Media Library, so I just went to their Facebook page and looked for a Snapped picture.  This was the first one I saw.

And now I see I am over 200 words.  Score!  And I am making Sunday’s post ON Sunday (Freudian typo:  I first put “Sinday”).  Can I have broken the habit of late posts?  Time will tell (time is certainly a blabbermouth).

 

Post Before Murder

I keep telling myself that a few nerves before a performance are a good thing (good things?  Is each nerve good?  Discuss amongst yourselves).  That said, why do I feel as if I am having a full-blown panic attack?  I said it in a recent post and I will say it again, what the hell, me?  This is not my first rodeo, as regular readers know.  Additionally, I know how many things can go wrong and a performance still be entertaining and appreciated.  These heart palpitations have got to stop!

For anyone just tuning in, and for those who cannot keep all my gyrations straight (indeed, why should you be expected to when I cannot keep them straight myself?), tonight’s performance is A Trivial Murder, an interactive murder mystery presented to benefit Herkimer County Historical Society. We are rehearsed.  We know our lines, we know our characters.  We know where we are going and what time to be there.

I will feel better after I am completely ready.  My costume is not laid out but what I want to wear is in my head.  If the shirt I am thinking of is dirty, there are other candidates in my closet.  I even found my rubber gloves so I can put the purple in my hair (not a necessity, but I think it will add a nice touch, and I did find the bottle earlier).  Enough heart-burnings! (Ooh, that’s it: I have heartburn because of the egg sammich I ate earlier to tide myself over till dinner) (yes, I like to spell it “sammich”).

Perhaps I will do a post-murder post tomorrow.  Or it will be Wrist to Forehead Sunday, as I hurry on to my next theatrical endeavor.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

Too Much on my Lame Plate

How embarrassing.  I get caught up by making my Thursday post on Thursday, then fail to make my Friday post on Friday.  I confess to getting a good laugh at myself.  I set up my rules.  I break my rules.  I make contingency rules.  It is not easy being me, but it can be entertaining.  Seriously, how lame is it to not even make a lame post on Lame Post Friday?  Yet I have similarly failed before.  Well, I could have posted last night, but at the time sleep seemed more important.  We make our choices.  The Spanish have a saying, take what you want and pay for it, says God.

Well, I got a bit of philosophy into that first paragraph.  I won’t call it half-baked, though, because I have always liked that expression.  Most of my philosophy falls into the half-baked category.  Full disclosure:  I have never read much “real” philosophy.  I’m afraid it would make my head hurt.

In the meantime, my life could have gotten less complicated after today, but I fear it will not.  Again, it will be my own fault.  Today is the murder mystery for the Herkimer County Historical Society, A Trivial Murder.  I still have a prop to make, and I’d better go over my lines again.  And figure out what to wear.  I wonder if I can find my purple hair dye.  My character might have purple hair.  But I digress.  The point is, it will be one thing off my plate.  But I have added one, possibly two more. What the hell, me?

The item I have definitely added will not even get going for another month or two.  A friend is putting together a Mummer performance for the Great American Irish Festival at the Herkimer County Fairgrounds in July.  I have never been to the Irish Festival.  I believe beer is involved.  I have also never been a Mummer.  It is a traditional Irish kind of guerrilla theatre.  I will definitely post more about it later.

The other thing that I can’t quite bring myself to say no to involves writing a few scenes about Roscoe Conkling, owner of one of the famous mansions on Rutger Street in Utica.  Theatre AND writing.  How can I not do it?  But it is coming up soon, and the scenes need to be staged as well, so I am trying to find out how simply we can get away with doing it, and how much help I will have.  We’ll see how it plays out (see what I did there?).

In the meantime, this must count as my Lame Friday Post, typed in Saturday morning over coffee (THANK GOD for coffee!).  I will strive to make today’s post TODAY, before I am off for what I hope will be another theatrical triumph (I feel certain it will be, relying on the awesome talent of my cast mates and the readiness to be entertained of our audience).  Happy Weekend.

 

Look, Everybody: Thursday’s Post ON Thursday!

So what is it with me?  Last night I stared at a blank WordPress Add New Post screen and my whole body said, “No.”  This morning it said nothing: all was blank.  I managed to type something  so, yay, me, I guess (perhaps you read it, if so, thank you and sorry).  Right now I am sitting at a break table in my place of employment and the blank page of my notebook stared at me accusingly, still I started writing in it (this nonsense which I now type into the blank WordPress Add New Post screen; I feel quite self-referential).

My script for Morning’s at Seven (you may remember, the play I’m in at Ilion Little Theatre) is mocking me:  “You’ll never learn these lines!”  Well, I can ignore the script, at least.  My brain has never failed me in that way. Knock wood.  At least, I can’t ignore the script if I am going to learn my lines, but I can ignore the mocking.

I thought I might write about how I got myself into this mess, but the more I think about it, the more I think that it really does not put me in a good light.  Apparently it is possible to reach middle age (if in fact I live to be 110) and still not know how to manage one’s time.  Can an old drama queen learn new tricks?  I hope so.

In the meantime, I have got to stop making these blog posts in which I meander on about how I can’t make a blog post, I have to much to do, etc. etc.  I don’t now how soon I can get to that.  After all, tomorrow is Lame Post Friday, and thank God for that!  However, I am typing in Thursday’s post ON Thursday (at least according to my watch if not my WordPress timestamp), so perhaps I am showing signs of improvement.  As always, thank you for playing.

 

Not a Timely Post

I have wussed out on Wednesday to this extent before, but let’s not talk about that.  I guess all my posts this week are going to be I Missed Posting on the Day, So Here’s a Late Post.  Can I break the pattern?  Time will tell.  Time is certainly a blabbermouth.  That is a joke I like to make.  My sister Diane says, “Time is relative.  Not our relative. But I digress.

At first I made those jokes in parentheses, but then I thought of the headline and brought them out into the main text. I wonder if the words feel better out in the open or safer in the parentheses?  Yes, I anthropomorphize almost anything.  But with words, I am not the first. I distinctly remember in Alice in Wonderland (which I read more than once as a child, although I refused to watch the movie in later years) the Caterpillar misusing a word and saying, “When I used a word, it means when I pay it to mean!”  That may not be the exact quote, but he goes on to speak fondly about how they all eagerly await their wages on payday.

Well, now I’m talking about time AND Alice in Wonderland (which I ought to read again; perhaps I could find the annotated version), the the headline is less apt.  Then again, I’m posting Wuss-out Wednesday at 4:30 on Non-Sequitur Thursday morning.  I say it’ll do.  Will I break the late post curse?  I hope you’ll stay tuned to find out.

 

Tardy Tired Tuesday

I knew yesterday morning I would be late for this post, and when I thought of this title, I didn’t mind so much.  Anyways, I mean to make Wednesday’s post today, on Wednesday, by my clock if not by my WordPress timestamp (why does my computer not recognize “WordPress” as a word?  According to the website, it powers a good percentage of the internet) (but I digress).

I had two rehearsals last night so left the house prior to 5 p.m.  I might have been able to type in something, but I felt too flustered.  I left my second rehearsal early, because I was feeling ill so went to bed without getting on the computer at all.  I am still not feeling 100 percent, so we can call this a blogger’s sick day as well.  Tomorrow I have two rehearsals again. Oh dear.

One might be tempted to point out to me that I am too old to burn the candle at both ends.  Well, the joke’s on that know-it-all, because I could NEVER burn the candle at both ends.  Oh, I’ve tried.  I’ve always tried.  There are just so many good things to do sometimes!  Additionally, one must work for a living, overtime if possible, because, you know, money (not that I’m one of those money-grubbing individuals, but sometimes a little extra comes in handy) (but, once again, I digress).

I see I am over 200 words.  As usual (and how embarrassing that it has become SO usual), I apologize for a foolish post.  Undaunted, but feeling a little silly (that is a quote from a friend), I drive on.  Happy Tuesday/Wednesday, everyone!

 

Monstrously Late Post

Is this my new pattern?  Posting the next morning for the day before but missing that day’s post so that the next morning… etc., etc., ad infinitum (isn’t that how you spell ad infintum? I’m too lazy to look it up).  A little self-dramatizing, aren’t I?  It’s only been two days, for heavens’ sake!  Never mind that, on with the post and let’s see if I can at least get up to 200 words today.

“What’s this? Another late post? At least it isn’t dawn yet!”

When in doubt, throw in a monster.  I do love me some Nosferatu (1922).

“It’s all right, dear. These things happen.”

Doesn’t he look as if he is giving the young lady good advice?  I loves me some Julie Adams and Creature of the Black Lagoon (1954), too.

So it’s pretty obvious I don’t have much to say.  I don’t feel I should go on and on about how busy I am.  For one thing, as a friend once said, “Save your sympathy for those who are too busy to tell you how busy they are.”  Am I too busy to type how busy I am?  Apparently not, but why go on and on about my own admittedly self-imposed ills?

“Cheer up, dearie. You made a blog post!”

I close with our own delightful witch, from Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit, NY.  It will be a few months before I made a real post about them again, but, as they say, time flies!  Late Happy Monday, everyone!

(Over 200 words!  Yay, me!)

 

Late But Certainly Wrist to Forehead

OK, so I missed making Sunday’s post on Sunday.  I have to leave for work soon, so I can’t do one now, BUT I can share a few pictures I took at the HALO Chinese Auction.

My crowd shots didn’t turn out so good.

This nice lady sold me a hot dog.

And here’s the nice bartender.

Ah, you say, with the picture of the bartender, all becomes clear.  Or maybe blurry.

No matter.  I am nowhere near my self-imposed standard of 200 words, yet I must sign off now.  Tune in later for what I hope will be a better post.