Category Archives: humor

A Labor of Lame

Posted on April 6, 2019 by mohawkvalleygirl

I have about 12 minutes to make a blog post before the next episode of Dateline: Secrets Uncovered on Oxygen. I want to sit on my couch and knit! But I do not want to make this post tomorrow morning. I want to make it now. So here I am. I originally wanted to have a blog to get myself to write every day. Alas, as Truman Capote once said, “That’s not writing, that’s typing.” I have applied that quote to this blog before.

I just got back from the last rehearsal for Murder by the Book, the murder mystery we are doing tomorrow at Morning Star Methodist Church in Ilion, NY (see Wednesday’s post for more information). Last night I had rehearsal for Morning’s at Seven, the full-length play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre. I have had rehearsal for one or the other all week, feeling grateful that I did not have any days of two rehearsals (but only because Monday’s second rehearsal got cancelled). I am rehearsaled out! I know, I know, that should be “rehearsed out.” Sometimes the grammatically correct expression just doesn’t feel right (feel write?).

Have I mentioned yet that today is Lame Post Friday? Or did you perhaps catch on by the title? And I see I am over 200 words, just in the introductory paragraphs. Do I dare hit Publish on this meager nonsense? YES! Happy Friday, folks! Let’s all hope for a better post on Saturday.

William Castle, Can You Help Me Now?

Posted on April 5, 2019 by mohawkvalleygirl

So there I was, groping for a brain cell left alive in my head to make at least a Non-Sequitur Thursday post. Nothing was happening. In desperation I went to Facebook to a page about William Castle: Godfather of Schlock and downloaded a few pictures. This could work.

“What do you mean, you can’t of a blog post? That’s scary!”

I love William Castle, producer of such classics of House on Haunted Hill (1959) and Straitjacket (1964). I wonder when I will have time to sit down and watch movies again. I have rehearsal again tonight. In fact, I should probably be studying my lines instead of typing in what I am afraid is turning out to be a singularly foolish blog post.

“Who wants a piece?”

Maybe I could just relax and have a piece of cake. Nah, that would mess up my slow progress toward my weight-loss goals. If I could get somebody to chase me with an axe, I would be motivated to start running again. Just a suggestion.

He was a great director.

Full disclosure: I have not seen all that many William Castle movies. I’ll have to work on it.

“You weren’t going to make a post about William Castle and not include me, were you?”

It’s a Mystery!

Posted on April 4, 2019 by mohawkvalleygirl

This will be a kind of a Wordless Wednesday. I had a rehearsal for Murder by the Book, the murder mystery we are putting on at Morning Star Methodist Church this Saturday, April 6. I brought my Tablet and took a few pictures. I think we are a suspicious-looking bunch.

All eyes turn toward Jeanetta Robespierre, the authoress of many murder mysteries, but of a real life murder? Hmmmm….

The setting of the murder mystery is the gala release party of Jeanetta Robespierre’s new murder mystery thriller, An Ill Wind in Ilion. However, the festivities are interrupted by the untimely demise of… well, I don’t want to give away any major plot points. For one reason, I did not include a spoiler alert.

Tensions are high! Accusations fly!

But is romance also in the air?

And here is a full cast shot.

The rehearsal went pretty well. My actors are doing a marvelous job. I think the audience will be highly entertained.

Tickets are $20 for Roast Pork Dinner and Show. Doors open at 5 p.m. Saturday, April 6, at Morning Star Methodist Church, 36 Second St., Ilion, NY. For reservations and tickets call the church office at 315-894-4093. Tickets will also be available at the door.

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Well, That Didn’t Work Out

I had such a good plan for after work today. I was going to come home and put in a load of laundry, so I would be certain to have a good pair of socks to wear to work tomorrow. While the laundry ran, I would make guacamole for tomorrow’s lunch (I love a guacamole sammich). Since I did not intend to use a recipe, I could then make a Tasty Tuesday blog post. I had plenty of time before my 6:30 rehearsal (for Morning’s at Seven at Ilion Little Theatre). IT! COULD! WORK!

That last bit was a quote from Young Frankenstein, by the way, a very excellent and quotable movie. But I digress. I also wasted about ten minutes looking for a picture of Young Frankenstein I thought I had in my Media Library. I am losing it,

As you may have guessed from the above paragraph, IT! DID! NOT! WORK! Well, I got the laundry in the washer. I got the guacamole made (I don’t know that it was really guacamole, but it involved avocados, so I’ll call it that). Then the dithering began. I checked my email. I messaged a couple of people on Facebook. I made myself a sandwich for supper (it wasn’t good enough to rate the term “sammich”). I looked at the newspaper while I ate it. I was still hungry.

Regular readers know I am trying to lose weight, and I am experiencing some minor success. It has not even been all that painful. Therefore, I am completely flabbergasted that I found myself sitting on my couch, mowing down ginger snaps dipped in whipped topping. Oh, was I shoveling those suckers into the old pie-hole. Once again, I have to say, What the Hell, me?

I put the laundry in the drier and went upstairs to take my shower, utterly disgusted with myself. To add insult to injury, when I was getting dressed for rehearsal, I found a pair of socks perfectly suitable to wear to work tomorrow. I could have skipped the damn laundry!

So here’s my stupid blog post. As I read what I typed, it does not seem the afternoon was as disastrous as it felt (full disclosure: still feels). Never mind. I am going to call this a Bad Attituesday, hit Publish, and drive on, because I have to get ready for rehearsal. Is it really only Tuesday?

It Will Probably Be a Monstrous Monday

Here’s a funny thing: in the past I have been posting at 4:30(ish) in the morning because I am posting late for the day before. Today I am posting early for TODAY! I call that progress. You see, I got up early for a different reason (not worth recounting), so I have a few minutes extra time, which I will not have tonight, so…

Still, this isn’t going to be much of a post. I cannot completely disrupt my morning routine, or this will be an even more Monstrous Monday than usual. I don’t even know how far down my Media Library I will scroll to find a few monster pictures to post. Lame Post Monday? Let’s not call it that; it only reminds me how far away Friday seems (which is not a completely bad thing, since I have a murder mystery on Saturday I am still getting ready for).

“You’re just getting up? It’s almost my bedtime!”

I’m thinking vampires hate summer, because they must spend more time hiding from the sun. Then again, maybe they like the extra sleep. I do not purport to know how a vampire feels, although I do not rule out guessing for the sake of fiction.

“Put my head back, you monster!”

Not exactly a monster, but two horror movie icons, Peter Lorre and Vincent Price (yes, I know I did not need to tell some of you). It is an appropriate picture for me, because this week I may be running around like the proverbial chicken with its head cut off (writer’s trick: you can use a cliche if you insert the words “the proverbial” in there; it’s kind of like “sic” but more hip) (or do I flatter myself?).

I know just how he feels. Come to think of it, I know pretty much how she feels, too.

A splash of color and a big ape to close this week’s Monstrous Monday post. I gotta run now; I’m missing my Local on the Ones. I feel more secure once I’ve heard the weather report.

Post Rehearsal Pictures

Our director, directing one of our actors.

I promised pictures of rehearsal then almost forgot to take any. These few shots were taken at the end of our rehearsal. I guess I could not have taken many during rehearsal, because I was on stage most of the time.

This lady is really good in her part.

The rehearsal was for Morning`s at Seven, the play I’m in at Ilion Little Theatre. It was a short but useful rehearsal. Only three cast members were there, so it would be a good idea if I bring my Tablet to future rehearsals as well.

And here is our stage manager, you know, stage managing.

The play is to be presented April 26, 27, 28, May 3, 4, and 5, at 7:30 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays, 2 p.m. Sundays . For more information , you can visit Ilion Little Theatre`s website or Facebook page.

Well, this is a short, kind of dull blog post. I comfort myself with the fact that at least it is about something and not just whining that I can’t make a decent blog post right now. Additionally, I am posting on my Tablet, typing one letter at a time with the stylus . Regular readers know how I hate that.

So I close now and say Happy Sunday. I feel pleased with myself that I am not posting it Monday morning .

No Scatter to my Saturday

Yesterday (Saturday) morning, when I was making Friday’s post, I had a headache. I thought to myself, “Look what I can do with a headache!” I was making a note to myself that I can so post under adverse circumstances. Well, who knew that headache would blow up into a full blown migraine (oh, YOU probably did) (you know who you are). It was the sort of headache where I could not do anything else but have a headache, if you know what I mean. It faded to manageable proportions eventually but left me too drained to do much besides lie on the couch and watch Cold Justice, my new favorite show.

The other bad thing about yesterday was that I did not have any Mohawk Valley adventures to blog about, unless you call walking to the local lab to have them take a couple of vials of blood. It was a 12-hour fasting blood test, and I had not even had any black coffee, which I understand is allowed. Maybe that was my problem, although I would think the coffee I had while making my blog post would have cured it.

In short, yesterday was a true blogger’s sick day, with yours truly unable to even type a whiny post about how I could not make a post. And today’s post is really, really lame. However, technically, this is not today’s post but Saturday’s post. I still have time to redeem myself with Sunday’s post. Preview of coming attractions: I have rehearsal for Morning’s at Seven at Ilion Little Theatre. I hope to bring my tablet and take a few pictures. A little illustration always livens up the post. As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

8 O’Clock Lame

One morning, back in the early 1990s, when Steven’ and my coffee was brewing, I whined that I wanted a cup before the pot was finished. Steven cleverly took his cup, pulled out the pot and put the cup in its place, poured my coffee, and switched the pot and cup back.

“We have a fancy coffee maker,” he explained.

Funny thing: since then, we have had many fancy coffee makers with the feature that you can pullout the pot while it’s still brewing, and every damn one of them drops at least a drip when you do it that way. Steven didn’t lose a dropped drip when he did his fancy thing. There’s a lesson there, but I have not imbibed sufficient caffeine to express it properly.

I share this silly story, because I just poured myself a cup of coffee when the pot was still mid-brew, and, yes, it dripped a drop. The other reason is that I am trying to distract from the fact that this is my Lame Post Friday post, and it is almost 8 o’cock on Saturday morning (ooh, we should be drinking 8 O’Clock Coffee, Steven’s mother’s favorite, back in the day).

One other note: It was not Barefoot Pinot Noir I purchased at Ilion Wine and Spirits on Thursday; it was Woodbridge Cabernet Sauvignon. I do not know how I came to make that mistake, but I realized it only when I went to open said bottle and pour myself a glass on Friday (what? I can’t have a glass of wine on a Friday? What is this world coming to?).

So now I am over 250 words. I’ll try to make my Saturday post on Saturday, but no promises.

Joan Crawford Had Nothing To Do With It

I feel that I have a good excuse for making my Non-Sequitur Thursday post on Friday morning, and it’s not just, you know, non-sequitur. I was late getting home, because I made three stops, then I had two rehearsals starting at 5 p.m. So here is a Non-Sequitur Shout-Out post, because, as regular readers know, Mohawk Valley Girl loves local businesses.

First I had to pick up a prescription at the Medicine Shoppe in Ilion. They are so nice there, and it is the sort of place where they recognize regular customers. That stop did not take long. Right across from the parking lot are Ilion Wine and Spirits. I like to support them, because, in addition to being nice and a good liquor store, they support Ilion Little Theatre (where both my rehearsals were, incidentally). Unfortunately, I did not have anything particular in mind so spent a few minutes wandering around before settling on a bottle of Barefoot Pinot Noir, a favorite of mine. Then I stopped into Honey Brook Hobbies to get a treat for my husband. I easily picked out a brownie with mini chocolate chips on top. I did NOT purchase one for myself, nor yet did I ask Steve for a bite. Weight-loss goals, here I come!

I should perhaps mention that this will be another hasty post, because I have to sit, drink coffee, watch the news, and play solitaire before I have to get ready for work. Otherwise I shall feel too flustered and be a danger to myself an others (that last was a self-dramatizing exaggeration, so don’t shake your finger at me) (you know who you are) (don’t shake your head either, although you may feel free to shake your bootie, I don’t mind that on a Friday) (oops, I just pointed out again that I am making my Thursday post late) (once again, I’d better quit while I’m ahead, if in fact I am).

Walk to Wuss, it’s Wednesday

I had such high hopes for today. I was going to walk to the post office, to mail something. I was going to take my Tablet and take pictures along the way. Alas, the sun defeated me. I couldn’t see the screen for the glare. I tried to get one shot. I haven’t even checked yet if it turned out.

It does not look as striking in photo as it did in person.

Why, look, here it is. I got my Tablet and found it. It took me a minute, being me. This was just a little way down my street. A block or so later I saw a tree with some buds on it and thought, Score! Well, I still couldn’t see the screen but was pretty sure it was in Selfie mode, and I couldn’t get it out. Just now I confirmed it WAS in Selfie mode, so at least I did not take a stupid picture of myself. Anyways, I said to hell with it and took my walk. I will have to do the walk and picture thing on a more gloomy day, which is my preferred kind of weather in any case.

In the meantime, blog posts must be made (because they are not there) (see what I did there?). In the spirit of Wuss-out Wednesday, which I am indeed having, I will take this opportunity to announce that I have decided I will NOT be running the Boilermaker 15K in Utica, NY this July. I just don’t have time to run as much as I need to with all these rehearsals. Perhaps I would have time if I trained really hard after the play, but I can’t take that pressure. I like to start early and build up slow. This way, I can run purely for my own exercise and entertainment, which is what I like. I’ll think about Boilermaker 2020 next year.

I somehow feel that I should have more than one picture. Hmmm….

A toast to Wuss-out Wednesday?

This is a rehearsal shot from A Trivial Murder, the murder mystery we presented this past Saturday to benefit the Herkimer County Historical Society. I think they are actually toasting a dead guy, but let’s pretend they are toasting me. Now I think my Wuss-out Wednesday is veering into Non-Sequitur Thursday territory, which is ironic, since I am actually posting this on Wednesday (by my own clock if not my WordPress timestamp). I’d better quit while I’m ahead.

Mohawk Valley Girl