Tag Archives: grief update

Sometimes Lame Will Do

Posted on April 26, 2025 by mohawkvalleygirl

It is early(ish) Saturday morning and I thought I would attempt a Late Lame Post Friday post.  For one reason, I really got nothin’ except perhaps for some half-baked philosophy and random observations plus a couple of pictures from my Media Library to pep things up.  I confess it cheers me up to make a blog post in the morning.  Something about putting words together makes me happy.  I must do it more often and wonder at myself that I do not.  I know, many people wonder about me (you know who you are).  I feel it is part of my charm, but perhaps I flatter myself.

Both missed, but at least I can talk to one.

Here is one of them there pictures to pep things up.  It is my late, dearly missed husband Steve and my friend Kim, who moved to Colorado, at the Waterfront Grille in Herkimer NY.  I have not been there in a while.  It is a bit of a walk for me, although I surely need the exercise (I will call you Shirley if I decide to).  Today it is raining, so I am unlikely to make the journey.

Since I brought up Steve, I will give a brief grief update (didn’t mean to rhyme) (honest).  I slowly find my way to being alone.  I will never be done missing him.  I will always be sad at times.  However, I try not to dwell on it or feel ill-used.  I guess I don’t have much to say about it.  Oh well, it was to be a brief update.  Back to being Lame.

It will look somewhat different this year.

I add this picture to encourage myself.  I said I would have a container garden this year.  I am struggling to get my house in better shape, and I must soon move outdoors, where there is a LOT to do!  In fact, I should get off the computer and get to work.  Well, maybe one more picture.

I haven’t worn those socks in a while.

This is another picture to encourage me:  the thought of relaxing after a job well done.  My relaxing feet on the front porch or back deck may have been more appropriate after the container garden picture, but this one was handy.  Full disclosure:  I spend a lot of time with my feet up, job well done or not.  I’m old and my feet hurt!  Never mind.  I have managed over 400 words worth of a blog post and that is not bad, however lame the post may be.  Will I have a productive Saturday?  Will I relax after a job well done?  For the answer to these and other burning questions (or do I once again flatter myself?) stay tuned to Mohawk Valley Girl!

 

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Once Again, I Return to the Blogosphere

Posted on March 5, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Last week was a bad blogging week.  I actually have a couple of pretty good things to write blog posts about but not much brain with which to do so.  However, I wanted to make some semblance of a post so my readers would not feel I had completely deserted them.  My last post was a Monstrous one, I think (if I go back and read it now, I may lose my momentum and never finish this post) (which some would feel was no tragedy, but I can’t worry about them).

Random photo to liven things up.

I found this picture in March 2017 of my Media Library.  It is our sweet pooch Spunky.  Speaking of dearly missed loved ones, Sunday was my late husband Steven’s birthday.  That  could explain the funk I have been in.  Grief is a weird, unpredictable kind of chronic pain.  Of course, I am a kind of a pain myself, so make of that what you will.

Steve in his natural habitat, surrounded by murder suspects.

Here is a picture of Steve doing something he loved: acting.  He is the handsome dude in the suit.  It is the cast of A G.R.A.V.E. Murder, an interactive murder mystery we did to benefit the Herkimer County Historical Society.  It was a really fun show.  I am, of course, grateful for all the wonderful memories I have.

We really were the perfect couple.

One more memory:  Fabulous and Fatal, another murder mystery for the Historical Society.  We were drag queens, or thought we were.

I will try to follow this with posts about my Mohawk Valley Adventures, of which I have had a few recently.  As always, I thank you for tuning in.

 

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Dare I Call This a Post?

Posted on January 31, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

Yes, I was too tired to make my Tired Tuesday post on Tuesday.  I am in fact a little hesitant to make the post this morning for reasons which I will not go into (explanations are so tiresome).  I am ten finger typing on my Chromebook with the very necessary cup of coffee at my side.  At first the Chromebook could not seem to get on the internet.  It tends to jump off and on, which is weird, because when I click on a little thing in the corner it tells me the wi-fi signal is strong (why is wi-fi underlined?  Is that not a word?).  I do not properly understand technology, as regular readers know.

A holdover from Monstrous Monday?

I pause to put in a coffee-related illustration.  I don’t know that I feel dead inside, but I feel a certain amount of pressure to update my life insurance.  That was a joke.  I guess brain dead would be a better way to describe me this morning, but I am far too tired to look for picture from The Brain From Planet Arous.  Imagine my delight when somebody referenced that movie on one of my monster pages recently.

He was a handsome dude.

Sorry to interject a sad note, but I am approaching the one year anniversary of my husband Steven’s death.  I guess I can blame that for my current malaise.  However, one learns to deal with one’s grief and go forward one step at a time.  And in this case one blog post at a time.  So having said very little of substance (do my posts ever have much substance? Discuss amongst yourselves), I dare to call this a post, hit publish, and drive one.  Once again, thank you for tuning in.

 

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A Little Spring in my Step?

Posted on January 9, 2024 by mohawkvalleygirl

As the anniversary of my husband Steven’s death approaches (Feb. 3), I have been feeling low.  Of course there are many reasons to feel low these days, and other people have greater problems and stresses than mine.  I am not starting this post to complain but to mention a delightful thing that happened to cheer me up.

At Steve’s funeral last February, only one person sent flowers.  Jenn, a good friend from our days doing community theatre in Massena, NY, and her family sent hyacinth bulbs.  They did not grow and bloom till after the funeral, but I certainly enjoyed the sight and scent of them on my kitchen counter.  I meant to plant the bulbs in my yard, where I hoped they would spread their joy every year hereafter, but, well, with one thing and another, it was not a good year for yards and gardens.  The pot with the bulbs continued to sit in my kitchen, moving from the counter to the floor when I needed the space.

Imagine my surprise when I noticed a little green beginning to poke its way out.  Not daring to get my hopes up, I watered it and waited.  They grew!  They bloomed!  They got a little top heavy and bowed over, so I tried to prop them up with glasses.

I should have cleared away the clutter in the background. I never think of these things.

Oh dear, that picture looks blurrier than it looked on my phone.  I should have used the Tablet.  Of course the clearest picture in the world would not share the lovely scent.  Spring time!  It gives me hope.

Not huge, but lovely.

I went in for a close-up of some of the blooms.  I know sometimes hyacinths have greater bunches of flowers, and perhaps these will too, eventually. In the meantime, they are certainly making a bright spot in a gloomy January.

 

 

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A Little Light in my Life

Posted on December 31, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Now we’ll pretend it’s still Saturday, and I will not apologize for making yet another late post.  Sometimes apologies are appropriate and sometimes they are just tiresome.

I went with my sister Cheryl and her delightful grandchildren, Sheppie and Evie, to drive around the villages and look at Christmas lights.  We began in Frankfort, NY, where there is a lovely display at the Marina.  I pointed out Heelpath Brewing, but we did not go in for a libation.  We got out of the car to get a closer look.

The kids graciously posed for one shot.

This was the best picture I took.  I quickly discovered that my Tablet is not best suited to take pictures at night.

You see what I mean.

I think the kids are in this shot too, but it is hard to tell. In any case, they soon decided it was too cold to get out of the car, and we drove on.

The semi-good shot I got at the Marina.

We drove through Frankfort into Ilion, where I knew a few good places to see some lights.  Alas, I did not get any pictures.  We went on into Mohawk, where we especially admired the street lights, then to Herkimer, where I also knew of a few good displays.

It was a nice little post-Christmas interlude. I confess I have had less of a Post-Christmas Letdown than in previous years, probably because, as regular readers know, this has been a difficult year for me.  I am not whining about this (I hope) but merely making an observation of a small silver lining.  I continue to count my blessings, in which my family ranks high on the list.  Thank you, Cheryl, Sheppie and Evie!

 

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Wrist to Christmas

Posted on December 25, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Merry Christmas Eve to those who celebrate it. To all others, Happy Sunday. Things just brightened a little bit for me, because I realized I can do a Wrist to Forehead Sunday Post.

Please understand that I have had a perfectly delightful day and have no reason to swoon, dramatically posed with the back of one wrist my forehead, even if there was a chaise lounge handy, which there is not. Still, I am awfully tired, and while I am thoroughly grateful for the day and my wonderful family I spent it with, sadness will inevitably creep in.

I have been telling myself all month that the first Christmas without my husband Steve would be hard. It is supposed to be hard. That is what happens when you lose someone you love so much

Now I have a reason to swoon, because I am not saying anything new or even entertaining. What the hell, me? I start the post wishing people happy, them go on to moan on a most morose manner (just felt like throwing in a little alliteration).

Most festive, no?

I add a silly picture to lighten things up. This is the lower part of my outfit today. I didn’t get a picture of the rest of it.

I am making this post from my phone, which does not tell me my word count. Still, it feels like a post, so I’m going to go with it. Once again, thank you for tuning in.

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I’m Still Here!

Posted on December 13, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Oh dear, it has been ten days since I last posted.  How embarrassing.  I have a few (very few) good Mohawk Valley Adventures to write about, but I feel I should first make an apology if not an explanation of not being here for my lovely readers, which I hope I still have.

May be a doodle of 1 person and text that says 'Please do not accept friend equests from my husband. ...He's been hacked. Mrs. ROXALANA DRUSE,'

These crack me up.

I throw in a picture which has very little to do with anything, but I saw it on Facebook this morning (yes, I peeked at Facebook before logging on to WordPress, judge me if you want to be that way), and it made me smile.  My lawyer assured me he is still working on the appeal.  Longtime readers may remember that I had the honor to play Roxalana Druse in Roxy, the fact-based play about the local murder presented by Herkimer County Historical Society at Ilion Little Theatre.  I wrote several blog posts about it.  In addition to giving me a laugh, I guess it helps me to remember past triumphs.  I trust I shall not continue in the wallowy rut in which I have become mired (what an image!) (and autocorrect seems to think “wallowy” is not a word, but as usual in these cases, it is exactly what I mean).

Regarding the wallowy rut:  I try, I really do try to do things other than sit around and feel sad, try to sleep, or read books (reading books is great, but it doesn’t clean the house, do the dishes, or make blog posts).  At first the insidious voice in my head said, “I can’t!”  I could sometimes overcome it with a gentle, “Just try”  or “Just do one thing,”  occasionally even specifying an actual thing.  Then the voice switched to, “I don’t care!”  That is more difficult to overcome, but I have had some minor success with, “Do it anyways,” or striving to ignore the voice.

I throw in a Christmasy picture to liven things up (I was sure Christmasy was a word!).

What a dull, self-involved post.  I will play the widow card once again.  This is my first Christmas without my beloved Steve.  I remind myself that it is going to be hard, don’t be surprised by that, just try to do a few things to make the season merry for somebody at least.  I guess I have gone over these thoughts before, but I must repeat them constantly to myself so inevitably impose them upon others as well.

And I see I am over 400 words.  I hope to make a real Mohawk Valley Girl post later today or tomorrow.  I thank everybody who is still reading.

 

 

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Still Lame After All These Years

Posted on December 2, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Full disclosure:  I am making my blog post now only because I want my breakfast to settle in my stomach before I take a walk.  Otherwise, I might have done a Pedestrian Post with Pictures.  Perhaps another day.  The point is, I have nothing in particular to say or even to make a blog post about. Yes, I am still posting lame (and that gave me an idea for a title, at least).

Must up my decorating game.

A picture always make a post a little brighter.  This is from December 2021, before my life started to fall apart.  Oh, who am I kidding?  My life has always been a shambles, but we used to do a better job of decorating for Christmas.  I am particularly fond of the ghost with the Santa hat.  He has a practical function, which is to add light to the living room.  Right now he is sporting on of my rhinestone tiaras.

I love my Elliott Ghoul.

Here is another Halloween/Christmas mash-up.  The ghoul still stands in my window, keeping my company when I turn off the dining room lights or make a loud noise.  I especially like the reflection of Santa in this picture.  I brought that Santa inside Halloween night and mean to return him to the porch when I take down the pumpkin lights and put up some multi-colored ones I found (preview of coming attractions).

It looks a little like the ghost of Santa, no?

Here is Santa from the front.  I purchased Santa Claus the first year we lived in this house, from a nearby big box store which needs no plug from Mohawk Valley Girl.  I remember walking home with him tucked under one arm, feeling inordinately pleased with myself.

As I gear up to celebrate the first Christmas without my Steve in over 30 years, I remind myself to find joy, and to try to bring joy to others.  Perhaps my silly blog brings, not joy exactly (I shall not flatter myself), but a little smile.  Thank you for tuning in.

 

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Missing Steve, Missing Posts

Posted on August 15, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Grief is not linear. You do not go through the steps in an orderly fashion, magically feeling a little bit better each day until one day you realize you have finally found you could live with it.

I just imagine this is not a startlingly original insight. I feel sure every grief stricken person has found it to be true, and a number of people who have yet to be bereaved have suspected such a thing. I suppose I suspected it myself. Now I know it to be true.

All this by way of apologizing for missing both my Saturday and Sunday posts. I was just too sad.

I share one of my favorite pictures of Steve. For anybody just tuning in, Steven is my much loved husband, who passed away Feb. 3 of this year. So I recently passed the six month mark. I am trying to concentrate on remembering the good times, being thankful that I had my husband for as long as I did, and learning how to live alone. Some days it works better than others.

Here is a picture of me and Steve together. I will just interject at this point that my Tablet and/or WordPress is really screwing with me today. It only shows a bunch of letters and symbols for the pictures I share, it won’t let me edit said pictures to add a caption, and my predictive text thingy (sometimes annoying but sometimes helpful) is gone. And the letters on my screen are way smaller than usual. What the hell? (Ooh, at least it is not autocorrecting “hell” into “he’ll”!)

So this my Monday post. An apology for no Saturday or Sunday post, and a grief update. Thank you for tuning in.

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Starting Over on Tired Tuesday?

Posted on August 9, 2023 by mohawkvalleygirl

Have I enough oomph to make at least  Tired Tuesday Post before I retire for the evening?  I hope the answer is yes, but we shall see.  I had a certain amount of oomph earlier, which I used to get a few things done before rehearsal for The Man in the Bowler Hat,  the play I am in at Ilion Little Theatre  (preview of coming attractions).  As I drove home, of course I remembered several things I did not get done, but I can’t do everything, after all.

 

I went for a walk before work this morning.  It was not a very long walk, but I assured myself that was not important.  The important thing was that I walked.  Likewise, my run this afternoon was short.  It seems odd that I can only manage such short bouts of exercise after training for and running the Utica Boilermaker 15K in July, but so it is.  I feel that once again I am starting over.

I ran by this sign on today’s run.

I throw in a picture to pep things up.  Regular readers know how I love to enter where it says not to.  Don’t worry; I never do it when I am driving.

Earlier today I thought of posting as my Facebook status,  “How many times is one allowed to start over? Asking for a friend.”  I just imagined people would respond with encouraging words, but of course you never know.  In the end, I did not take the chance.

I see I have attained 250 words without mentioning that the reason I am so down is that I spent part of rehearsal thinking, “Oh, wait till I tell Steve about that!”  I know this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.  I will, I am sure, learn how to deal with it eventually.  In the meantime, I may just continue to mention it occassionally in a blog post.

 

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