Category Archives: humor

I’m Such a BRAT!

Posted on September 27, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I was going to call this a Tasty Tuesday post, but in fact I have not yet tasted the treat that is currently cooking in the crock pot.  I know, some bloggers would make their blog post later or tomorrow, but we all know that is not how I roll.  I make blog posts on the fly before going to rehearsal, and I go with what I got, even when I ain’t got nuthin’.

Be all that as it may, this afternoon I decided that I would go on a bland diet. Never mind why; nobody wants to hear about other people’s digestive issues.  I only bring it up because it is relevant to the post at hand.  Some may feel the bland diet is especially appropriate to me because of the acronym that helps us remember its elements: BRAT (you know who you are) (and I gotta say, right back atcha, for the most part) (but I digress).  BRAT, for the digestively blessed who have no need to know such a thing (digestively is not a word?  I’ll be damned!), BRAT stands for Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast.  Pasta and potatoes can also form part of the diet, but there weren’t enough vowels to add two more P’s, so you just have to pretend they are included under Rice or Toast.

After work, I headed to the store to purchase Bananas, Rice, and Applesauce (I already had bread for the toast at home).  After some internal debate about brown vs. white rice (I like brown but wondered if it was bland enough for a BRAT like me) (I took a chance and got the brown) and a quick look around for a treat for Steven (I love my husband), I checked out and headed home.

And found out I had forgotten the applesauce.  Damn it!  When there are only four items on one’s diet, one does not like to miss one.  However, I have some apples I purchased recently at North Star Orchards in Westmoreland (thus adding a little local flair to my post).  I know one can make applesauce in the crock pot.  I looked for a recipe online.  I’ve had pretty good luck finding things online lately (knock wood).

The first recipe I came across was pretty simple:  apples, lemon juice, sugar, cinnamon, water.  They said Golden Delicious Apples and I have Macintosh, but I was undeterred.  Additionally, they said core and peel, and I left the peel on.  There are plenty of nutrients and fiber in the peel, you know.  Continuing to do my own thing, I cut the apples into smaller pieces than the quarters called for by the recipe. For one reason, since I was leaving the peel on, I thought it would be easier to eat.  Then I got tired of chopping apples and stopped at six.  I halved the other ingredients.  See, I can do the math.

The apples are in the crock pot, and the crock pot is on HIGH.  Yes, I remembered to plug it in (don’t laugh; we all forget such things on occasion).  It should be done after rehearsal.  Steven and I will have some for a treat before bed.  Maybe we should stop at the store on the way home from rehearsal and get some vanilla ice cream to  put on it while it’s still warm.  I can start my bland diet tomorrow.

 

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An Afghan for Rocky

Posted on September 26, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I am going to recount today’s minor Mohawk Valley adventure, not so much because it was an exciting adventure, but because it will advertise an upcoming event local readers may like to go to.

Regular readers know I like to crochet and watch movies or television.  The only thing I know how to crochet is afghans, and I have gotten pretty fast at making them.  As you may guess, they can pile up.  My solution is to donate them to worthy causes.  When I see a poster for a benefit fundraiser with a Chinese auction, I try to give a call and donate an afghan.  I’ve written about this before, not in the interest of tooting my own horn (I do that on Toot Your Horn Tuesday), but to call attention to one of my favorite things: people helping people.  I truly believe that we are the answers to each other’s prayers (but never mind the half-baked philosophy; that goes on Lame Post Friday).

Today’s cause is Rocky Rockwell, a local veteran who suffered a demolished home in recent flooding.  I believe this is the second time his home has suffered damage, and this time it was much worse.

I knew some time ago about the Flood Relief Benefit for Rocky Rockwell on Sept. 30.  Well, you know how it is:  when you know you’ve got to the end of the month to do something, you just naturally put it off.  At least I do.  If you do not, well that is an excellent habit to be in.  Keep up the good work.  Be that as it may (one of my favorite expressions), I finally called the number for the benefit organizers and found out I could drop the afghan by their meeting tonight at the VFW.  So I did.

I told you it was not all that exciting of an adventure, didn’t I?  BUT I think it will do as a plug for the benefit.  It is this Saturday, Sept. 30 from 2 to 6 p.m. at the Herkimer VFW, 129 Mohawk St., Herkimer, NY.  You can find out more at the Facebook Event page (I love Facebook Events).  A motorcycle ride precedes the benefit, and at the benefit there will be a DJ, raffles, food, a Chinese auction, and cash bar.

I’ll be there, checking to see how many tickets get put in for my afghan.

 

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View from the Bottom of the Hill

Posted on September 25, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Wrist to Forehead Sunday indeed!  I cannot even type in one coherent sentence!  Never mind why; it is not that interesting.  I have not had a particularly an interestestetring

That was when I gave up and stopped typing.  How embarrassing!  On the brighter side, it seems I spelled embarrassing correctly the first time for once.  It is early Monday morning.  It has happened a few times that I miss my daily post so do it the next morning as early as possible.  I actually could have done this one at 2 a.m. when I woke up and could not get back to sleep, but I like to stay in bed and keep trying. I often meet with success, as I eventually did this morning.  Ah, but will I meet with success in making a blog post?

Probably not.  As I was about to type when I became quite disgusted with my clumsy typing, I did not have a particularly interesting weekend.  I enjoyed it; it’s just nothing to write blog about (get it, like “nothing to write home about”?).

I did see a cartoon on Facebook that caught my attention and my thoughts.  It showed a person at the bottom of hill carrying a bicycle on Monday; Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were spent struggling up the hill; Friday was a happy person at the top of the hill starting down; Saturday zipping down; Sunday reaching the bottom and into Monday in an endless cycle.  I thought, “Yes, that is exactly what I feel like, only without the bicycle.  I feel like I’m pulling myself up a vertical incline with only my fingernails for tools.”  Seriously, that is the exact image that has been coming to my mind lately, even before seeing the cartoon.

However, the point of the cartoon was, “Don’t be like this.”  I commented, “How, how, how can one accomplish this?”  So far nobody has replied, although I got a couple of Likes (on Facebook as with the blog, I love to get Likes).  So now I appeal to my blog readers:  How can one accomplish this without changing one’s job, going back to school, or otherwise completely disrupting one’s life?  Any ideas?  Anybody?  Bueller?

Full disclosure:  I am not feeling particularly ill-used by fate this morning.  I actually feel in a pretty good mood right now.  Is it the coffee?  Or the blog?  Maybe I should start waking up with the blog on a Monday.  It may have a positive effect on my life.

 

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Sandy Start to Scattered Saturday

Posted on September 23, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I actually don’t know how scattered my Saturday will be, but you know how I love alliteration.  This is actually Saturday Running Commentary, which I have been wanting to bring back for some time now.  I didn’t run far, I didn’t run fast, but I think I can get a few paragraphs out of it.

Of course I did not feel like running as soon as I got out of bed about 5:30 this morning.  No, I didn’t party hearty last night.  I fell asleep on the couch then went to bed early.  Yes, I’m old, don’t judge.  I had thought about getting right out, since I love beginning my run in the dark and ending it in the light.  I decided to have some coffee first, comforting myself with the thought that it is fall.  Days will get shorter, and I will have plenty of dark runs.

Sure enough, after a little caffeine I felt more inclined to exercise.  The sun was up, but it was foggy, so I put on one of my ARMY t-shirts with the reflective decal on the back.  Additionally, I revised my plans for where to run.  I had wanted to go out Main Street and up a steep hill, coming out on Steuben Road.  I decided to go someplace with less traffic and/or a larger shoulder.  True, there isn’t always a lot of traffic on Steuben on a Saturday morning, but some people really like to gun it up that hill.  I like to give myself every advantage.  Accordingly, I ran down German Street in the direction of Herkimer College.

However, as I ran I felt not up to tackling that hill.  I have not run it since before the Boilermaker 15K.  I mostly like to run it so that I can post on Facebook that I did and impress my friends.  I thought I could save it till Sunday, when I usually increase my running time by the recommended 10 percent.  I ran up the hill by Valley Health and into the residential area I call the suburbs.  I knew I would find some major and minor hills there.  I want to start running more hills, to build myself up, but I really felt like sticking with the minor ones this morning.

I hoped to run on different streets from the last time I ran in the area, but of course I could not remember where I turned, so I just picked a street.  I saw a man in his front yard with a very cute little puppy. I think she was a yellow lab.  They were apparently having a business meeting, but the pup looked as if he wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to do.

“Can I pet your dog?”  I asked.

“Sure,” he said.  “She might nip you; she’s only eight weeks old.  Her name is Sandy.”

Sandy jumped up eagerly while I petted her. She didn’t nip me, but she licked my hand and in general acted like a sweet, friendly pooch.  The man and I wished each other a good day, and I returned to my run.  As I did, I thought of the title for today’s post.  Just now I think maybe some of you thought I went running in the sand.  That would be nice, but I know of no handy beaches around here.

My run was not bad.  My legs felt pretty OK, with a few twinges in my knees and one bunion.  I was puzzled by the bunion’s pain, since it is not supposed to rain before next Wednesday.  I realized my breathing felt fine.  This delightful state of affairs deteriorated towards the end of the run, but I kept up for a full 36 minutes, which is how long I ran last Sunday.  I feel sure I will be up to forty minutes tomorrow, yes!

As I finished my run, I saw a neighbor and her sweet dog, Rocky, out walking.  I was happy to meet them on my cool-down walk.  Around the corner, I met and petted another nice dog.  I do love to pet a dog.  As I continued my walk, I reflected that I am now in 5K shape.  I ran for 36 minutes; I can run a 5K in 36 minutes.  And if I can’t run it in 36 minutes, by the time I am 36 minutes into a 5K, I can certainly finish.  Now, to find a 5K nearby…

 

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Late, Lame, But at Least Local

Posted on September 23, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I’m not even that late but thought I would throw that in, in the interests of alliteration (“In the Interests of Alliteration” would make a good title for a future blog post; I wonder if I will remember it).

It’s Friday, and I’m kind of glad it is, not that I expect the weekend to be any great shakes.  That’s OK, though, because I have been moving and shaking a bit too much on the weekends these days (see what I did there?).  However, I did a couple of things tonight to get my weekend started right.

First we went to a tasting at Valley Wine and Liquor.  I thought they were tasting 19 Crimes wine, one of my favorites, but it turned out to be High West Whiskey.  So we tried a little whiskey.  We had apple cider with Campfire Whiskey, lemonade with Double Rye, and American Prairie Bourbon all on its own.  I liked the last one best, but that may be because I prefer my whiskey straight, on the rocks or in a cup of coffee.

Next Steven and I went to dinner at Salvatore’s Pizzeria and Restaurant.  I had a Mediterranean Panini with eggplant, roasted red pepper, spinach, provolone, and pesto mayo.  Steven had a fried fish sandwich with fries.  Yum!  While we ate, we enjoyed watching the workers behind the counter making pizzas.  They were very busy yet so cool and competent.

I guess this is not a proper shout-out to either business.  Still, if I put in links, I think it’ll do.  What do you want from me on lame Post Friday?  Happy weekend, everyone.

 

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Now I Would Like a Drink

Posted on September 22, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Sorry, folks, my malaise continues and I can’t manage any other kind of post than one with monster pictures.  I really like monster pictures.

Now there’s a man, someone who will carry you to the bar!

I stole this gem from Monster Movies and Creature Features, a Facebook group I enjoy quite a bit.  As I searched for others, I saw on one of the groups or pages I followed (can’t remember which one), somebody had posted about 50 times that it was Stephen King’s birthday.  He’s 70.  I don’t know if the person who posted it hit the wrong button or was just really, really excited about Stephen King’s birthday, but it was on there more times than I cared to scroll through.  I went on to a different monster page/group, but I thought, ooh, there’s a perfect excuse to post monsters: Stephen King’s birthday!

Only, I’m not a big fan of Stephen King.  Oh, he is an excellent writer, very skilled, very talented.  I have enjoyed several books and stories of his (I prefer novels to short stories, but I also like the novelettes).  I gotta say, the movies, not so much.  His movies were made in the bloody ’70’s and beyond.  I like the older, more circumspect flicks.  There are exceptions, of course.  As I trolled around looking for other pictures, I remembered I shared one recently from a movie based on a Stephen King novel.  Steven my husband (note the different spelling) and I pop in Carrie periodically.  It is a time-honored favorite.

My prom was so boring!

A movie based on a Stephen King novel which I did not enjoy was The Shining.  Yes, yes, I know many people love it.  One part I liked which was not in the book was “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy,” typed over and over, when Pathetic Wife thought he was working on his novel.  The other part I kind of liked, also not in the book, was the very end, with the haunting shot of Jack Nicholson in the ballroom

Ooh, it was in 1921. I love the ’20’s.

This is the cover photo from the group Haunted Ballroom.  Very appropriate, no?

As I was downloading that photo, I remembered there is another movie based on a Stephen King novel I don’t mind: Shawshank Redemption.  I reference that movie all the time.  As a result of spending too much time (for me) in dry, dry Arizona, I enjoy rain so much that sometimes I do Shawshank Redemption:

I usually have my shirt on when I do this, for which I am sure bystanders are grateful.

Full disclosure: after the flood of 2013, I did not do that gesture for a while.  I don’t do it every time it rains anyways, only sometimes for effect, for example, when we had rather a deluge after a Shakespeare performance in Little Falls last summer (perhaps you read my blog post about it).

Be all that as it may, this has been my Thursday Non-Sequitur post for the week.  I hope to see you all again on Lame Post Friday.

 

 

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Random Essay for Wuss-out Wednesday

Posted on September 21, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Here is a little-known fact about a famous Shakespearean tragedy:  Romeo snored.  Of course, most of us snore at least sometimes, but the entire Montague family was known for their loud, incessant, obnoxious snoring.  When the whole family slept in the same castle, their snorkeling, snorting, gasping, grating, grinding, endless nighttime symphonies would have rattled the windowpanes, if they would have had glass windowpanes in the 16th century (I looked this up after I wrote that: glass window panes became common in the 17th century) (Phew!).

In fact, according to one source (OK, it’s me), that snoring was the original cause of the whole Montague/Capulet fracas.  The families used to be great friends, spending Sunday afternoons together.  One Sunday when Capulet was in the middle of a long, boring story (don’t judge; you’ve told them yourself, we all have), Montague fell asleep.  Capulet could never be brought to believe that the warm weather and heavy Sunday dinner were to blame, or that the ensuing noise was quite natural.  He always held to it that Montague was only pretending to sleep and made all that racket just to poke fun at Capulet.  Nothing could convince him otherwise, because all the Montagues were afraid to fall asleep in front of him after that.  Just imagine all the years of hostility that could have been avoided with a simple sleepover.

Romeo, naturally, inherited the tendency.  It is a pretty safe bet that Romeo and Juliet did not waste any time sleeping during the one night they had together.  This is unfortunate, as things turned out, because if Juliet had gotten a load of that honk, she may have been more amenable to taking Paris as a substitute.  I understand his family was rather gentle in their nighttime sounds, although Juliet would naturally have had no chance of finding that out beforehand.  I know, some of you are going, “Bu-bu-bu–” in your anxiety to get out a defense of True Love, and you know, they were married.  Yes, well, let’s leave the philosophical discussion for another day (perhaps Lame Post Friday, my traditional space for half-baked philosophy, and don’t try to tell me yours is fully cooked, I won’t believe you).

Incidentally, you may remember that Romeo’s mother died offstage before the end of the play.  Some have hypothesized that since theatrical companies at that time had only three boys who could play female roles, you could only have three women onstage at a time.  Well, that could be, but the fact of the matter is, she died from lack of sleep.  Being a Montague only by marriage, she just couldn’t handle the buzz saw.

 

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Hang In There, Me, It’s Almost Halloween!

Posted on September 20, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

So here I sat, feeling too tired and out of it to even make a Tired Tuesday post.  How pathetic is that?  I went running, thinking I could make another Running Commentary post, even though I just did one on Sunday.  It was a boring run.  You don’t want to read it, and I don’t want to write it.  I didn’t even feel like trolling Facebook for monster movie pictures.  Then I looked up and saw this cheerful fellow smiling at me.

Who could be uncheered by the ghost of a Jack-o-Lantern?

He actually wasn’t sitting there when he smiled at me, but when I went to take a picture of him, it seemed too cluttered.  After trying a couple of places, I put him on the stairs.  Brown carpeting, white wall, it seemed neutral enough.  Then I kept having the problem of him turning around.  You see, it is a pick, and I didn’t push the pointy stick into, say, a flower pot or piece of styrofoam, but just placed it in a little bottle we had on our shelf (it once contained Q brand of gin.  My nickname was “Q” in the army, so naturally I had to try the gin).

I recently purchased the decoration at Northstar Orchards in Westmoreland.  I know, I should write a blog post about the visit. How remiss of me that I have not.  I’ll try to get to it before the week is out.  In the meantime, I thought I would round out this blog post with a couple more pictures.  You see, Steve recently did some Halloween shopping himself.  Yesterday, I came home to find this waiting for me on the couch.

Actually, after coffee, I pretty much am a morning person.

Isn’t he adorable?  Yes, I like scary vampires too, like Christopher Lee or Bela Lugosi.  But I think this one is a sweetie.  As you see, I put it back on the couch to take the picture.  I will need to take the cute vampire out of the cup and use it one morning soon.  And here is the other decoration Steven bought.

I think he’s pretty awesome. Or is it a she?

I returned to the stairs for this shot.  And now I have run out of what little steam I had, but I see I am approaching 400 words.  I call that quite respectable for a Tired Tuesday.  I’ll try to come up with a real post tomorrow and forgo Wuss-out Wednesday for once.  As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.

 

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My Weekend: Ritz to GRAVE

Posted on September 19, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

Me and my disreputable LiFT friends.

I thought if I led with a really cool picture, my readers would forgive me for another post where I ain’t got nuthin’.    Yes, I said “ain’t got nuthin’.”  A double negative, the word “ain’t,” and a phonetic spelling of lazy pronounciation.  Lots of no-nos!  Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! (That was my evil laugh, in case you did not recognize it.)

I had a busy, tiring weekend.  The above photo is members of LiFT Theatre Company participating in the Ritz and Ragtime fundraiser for the Landmarks Society of Greater Utica.  That was my Saturday night, and I spent a good portion of Saturday afternoon getting my costume back together and generally fretting about it, as I tend to do about such things.  We had a lot of fun and got to see one of the famous mansions at Rutger Place.  I’d like to find out more about the Landmarks Society and participate in future fundraisers.

Sunday was taken up with A G.R.A.V.E. Murder, the murder mystery fundraiser for the Herkimer County Historical Society.  That was a lot of fun, too.  We met at my house, so naturally I had to fix a few snacks.  We had a lot of laughs, too.  Now I must get on with learning my lines.  You might think I would already know them, since, you know, I wrote it.  But not so much.  Anyways, it will be easier than learning Shakespeare.

Expect to hear a lot about this in the next few weeks.

After A G.R.A.V.E. Murder, I may take a break from theatrics for a while (even from being a drama queen in real life, if I can manage it).   Many of my friends shake their heads or laugh and point when I say that, but I really need to work on some other things in my life.  On the other hand, if the Landmarks Society wanted to do a murder mystery fundraiser…

 

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What Does My Body Know, Anyways?

Posted on September 17, 2017 by mohawkvalleygirl

I felt sick to my stomach this morning, so I did not feel like going running.  However, I’ve found that sometimes the counterintuitive thing is the right thing to do (OK, why is my computer underlining “counterintuitive,” one of my favorite words by the way.  I looked it up in Webster’s, it is so spelled right!)  (OH, computer wants me to hyphenate it, counter-intuitive.  Well, I’m not going to, so there.)

Where was I?  Ah yes, running, although my body seemed to be telling me not to.  Oh well, my body is a well-known lazy bum, as is my mind on many occasions.  Additionally, I wanted to work up a good sweat so a shower would feel extra good.  So I got ready to go.  No worries about being cold, as we’re getting a last little bit of summer before the equinox.  Oh, anybody who is going to screech, “TMI!” if I mention bras, don’t read the rest of this paragraph, because you know I don’t want to hear that.  I took the unprecedented step of wearing three sports bras.  The first two I put on did not feel secure enough, and I was too lazy to take them off and start over (others who wear D cups or above will understand).

It was grey and foggy out.  I like fog.  It’s so mysterious.  I headed down German Street toward Valley Health.  That is about the only hill I am up to these days, but I hope to build myself back up.  As I slowly made my way up, I reflected that at my age I can’t just jump on and off the running wagon.  It takes much less time to get out of shape and a lot longer to get back in.  By the time I reached the top of the hill I was seriously considering bagging the running and switching to walking.  Ah, long leisurely walks.  How pleasant would that be?  Other people stay in great shape by walking.  That could be me.  Then I thought of a few of my friends that run and felt that I really am not ready to quit that club just yet.

I had originally meant to run immediately back down the hill and around the sidewalks nearer my house.  Then a street that went downhill and ended in a cloud of fog beckoned me.  Of course I knew what was there:  it is a housing development I have run through many times.  Still, it felt like more of an adventure to turn.  I ended up not going down the hill (which I would only have had to run back up) but took the next left.  I admired some of the houses.  Many were ranch houses build into hills so the garage was in the basement.  That would be handy.

There are some major hills in that area (I call it “the suburbs,” although I know that is not strictly accurate), but I managed to avoid them.  Eventually I made my way to Lou Ambers Drive so I could stop and get a drink at the spring.  I looked up the hill to Herkimer College and sighed.  Another week, maybe two, and I might be ready for that one again.  The spring water tasted good, but I still had a ways to go to meet my goal of 36 minutes (I did 33 last week).  I’m sure those times don’t seem very impressive to some of you.  Well, it’s where I’m at, I might as well own it.

I ended up running faster as I neared the 36 minute mark, because I wanted to get all the way home and not run for more than 36 minutes (hey, don’t judge, I was tired!).  I almost ran too fast and had to go by the house or run up and down the driveway a couple of times (don’t judge, but you can laugh at me if you like, I do).

As I finished my cool-down walk, I realized I was still sick to my stomach.  At first I thought, so much for the counterintuitive solution.   Then I thought, hey, I’m no worse off.  My stomach may still have been upset and this way, I got a run in.  And now I’ve gotten my blog post written.  On the rest of my Sunday chores!  I hope you’re having a lovely weekend.

 

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