Tag Archives: depression

Trying to Cope with First World Problems

Here I am, still on my Tablet, and YES I an grateful to at least have that.  It is under the heading First World Problems.  I will just go ahead and admit I am in a bad headspace right now.  After some more coffee and making some semblance of a blog post, I will try to do something about it.

Random picture to denote passage of time while I get more coffee.

Another problem with the Tablet (YES, a First World Problem! Sheesh!) is it likes to jump around, making it very difficult to add categories and tags.  Yesterday I gave up on them, but that was just a placeholder post anyways.  Today I am going for a combination Mid-Week Monsters and Tired Tuesday Post, made on Wednesday morning, and not so early either.  I was up late last night.

I may be as toothless one day.

Since I started out with non-movie monster’s, I continue with some scary neighborhood pumpkins which I have shared before.  I have not gotten a pumpkin yet this year.  Will I make the drive to Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit today, Halloween Eve?  Maybe, but I have much to get done today.  Will I do it all? Unlikely.   Will I do any of it?  One can hope.

In any case, I am over 200 words.  I will see if I can use my phone to add title, categories,  and tags. You see, I don’t just whine about my problems.  Sometimes I try to do something about them.

 

Frankenstein, Can You Help Me Now?

According to my calculations, I remain a post behind while still posting every day.  Quite frankly, I am tired of calculating and tired of beginning each post with an apology for being late.  I suspect it becomes tiresome for my readers too.  So let’s just say, I skipped Saturday’s post, yesterday was Sunday’s post, and today is Monday.  For one reason, about all I am up to right now is a Monstrous Monday Post.

I just spent a goodly amount of time looking for a picture I saw on Facebook this morning only to realize once I found it that I still do not know how to download a picture on my Chromebook.  I am so technologically inept.  I guess it’s back to the Media Library for me.

He looks about as brain dead as I feel.

Who doesn’t love Frankenstein’s monster?  I suppose some terrorized villagers, and little Marie’s parents.  The actress who played little Marie, by the way, loved Boris Karloff, and he was very sweet to her.  I love stories like that.

Yes, I am a monster.

I go in a different direction by including this picture of my shadow I took last October.  I believe I was in a parking lot going towards a Halloween party.  No parties for me this year, I’m afraid.  I am still on the fence about purchasing candy and greeting trick or treaters.

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

Here is a graphic depiction of my current mood.  Oh, please, nobody try tough love on me and tell me to quit whining and Do Something.  I KNOW the benefits of activity and realize motivation usually follows action.  I have a whole list in my head of things to do.  I hope to commit it to paper and begin to actually do the things.

Don’t yank my chain!

I end with Frankenstein’s monster.  I am not sure what he is doing in this picture, but let’s pretend he is pulling a chord that will release a floodgate of ambition and motivation for me.  I’ll get to work!  I’ll put up more decorations!  I’ll have Mohawk Valley Adventures!  I’ll write blog posts about them!  Do you believe me, or do you suppose it is all a monstrous lie?

 

Am I Becoming Tiresome?

I sit here trying to make my Tired Tuesday blog post a day late (what else is new?) and I ain’t got much.  I guess I need to get out more. I got out of Herkimer, NY yesterday (where I live) and went as far as Utica.  I wished once again that I knew how to parallel park.  Fortunately, I do not wish that very often.  Then I found a parking lot with plenty of space only a short walk from my destination.  I don’t know why I share all this, except it is pretty much the only thing I did all day.

Today I hope to have a couple of Mohawk Valley Adventures, although it is not on my To Do List.  “Tuesday’s blog post” is on my To Do List, by the way.

Look at them all!

I threw in a picture, because I thought I was being boring.  This is Pumpkin Junction in Sauquoit, one of my favorite fall destinations.  I should go there soon and pick up more fall decor.  I could get a pumpkin, which I can later smash and leave in the yard for critters’ enjoyment.  That way I do not have to find a place to put Yet More Stuff in my house.

I am afraid I must admit (then again, being afraid is seasonal, is it not?)  that my depression is kicking my butt these days.  I know one cure, or at least help, is exercise.  I went running yesterday and mean to do that or at least walk today.  Another help is to Just Do Anything.  Seriously, I read it somewhere:  doing almost anything might relieve depression.  It might not, of course, but at least I will have gotten something done.

Lately when I have a conversation with someone, at some point I stop and say, “Talk about myself, talk about myself, talk about myself,” because that is what I seem to be doing.  And here I am doing the same thing in my blog.  Then again, it is a personal blog.  Does that make it OK?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

 

I Stress, But I Post

The question is: do I have time for a Monstrous Monday post early this Tuesday morning (but not as early as I had hoped)?  Yes, yes, I have been promising and promising to make real blog posts.  You didn’t think I meant every day, did you? (Oh, don’t say YOU did; you knew I didn’t and you’re just happy to shame me now that I haven’t!) (Did that make sense?  I really have had coffee this morning.)

Yes, this was the mug I used. It IS Halloween-time, isn’t it?

I am feeling perhaps more stressed these days than my life events justify.  I can’t help how I feel, but I am trying to get my stuff done and not run around waving my arms and making b-b-b-b noises (I would scream, but my throat is so sore from my allergies, it hurts) as I feel inclined to do.

Most people would find this stressful.

A lot of people are quite creeped out by spiders.  I, on the other hand, am not.  It is interesting to me how I can be squeamish and/or screamy about some things and not at all about others.  I shan’t tell you my phobias, in case local readers see this and want to torment me.

You see how little I fear spiders.

Can you tell that’s a spider on my hat?  I wore it on Kentucky Derby Day one year, and to a tea party last year.  It is one of my favorite garage sale purchases.

And now I am over 200 words.  Score!  Still feeling stressed?  Yes!  But that’s not your problem.  Do you have any problems?  If so, I am here to listen.  It will take my mind off mine.

 

Newton Was Right

So there I was, two days without posting, reluctant to make another Post About Not Making a Post, and pondering what the hell was wrong with me.  I thought about how we don’t really know what is good for us.  I like to write, I enjoy writing, I often feel good after I have written.  But there was this voice in my head saying, I don’t want to, I don’t have to, I can’t!  It is the same voice and same words even the voice uses when I think I should clean my house, go running, or even eat that cucumber that has been in my refrigerator since I bought it on Sunday.  For heaven’s sake, why would I not be able to cut up a cucumber, voice?

Unfortunately, I do not always think to talk back to the voice.  On occasion I ignore the voice, with varying results (turns out running or house cleaning, while not impossible, can be damn difficult) (but let us strive to think positively at this moment).  Today I pondered where the voice was coming from and why it often sounded so loudly.

My first thought was that we often do not know what is good for us.  For example, we drink one alcoholic beverage and it makes us feel good, so we have another.  By the third, that voice in our head (I am assuming in this example that I am not the only one who has one) is convinced that if we do not continue drinking, we will cease to feel good, we must have another!  We all know where this thinking leads us (if you have not actually had the experience, surely you have heard) (and I will call you Shirley if I decide to).  Most of us learn to ignore the voice’s toro poopie in these situations.

My next thought regarded a rule I have often observed in this space: writing begets more writing.  I write a letter to a friend or make an extensive entry in the TV Journal, I can easily make that day’s blog post.  Once I make a couple blog posts, I continue posting daily.  Obviously the opposite is true:  Not Writing begets more Not Writing. I capitalize Not Writing, because it is such a heinous situation to those of us who aspire to be Writers.

Then it hit me:  inertia.  Sir Isaac Newton did not just talk about Gravity, he also articulated the Law of Inertia:  An object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest, unless worked on by outside forces.  I like the words “tends to,” because in fact, writing does not always beget more writing in my case.  My eighth grade science teacher  also pointed out that friction, gravity, etc, are included in “outside forces” that cause a moving object to stop seemingly of its own accord.  I add this for the yahoo (you know who you are) who just rolled a ball or a stone (not wanting to gather moss) and said, “There!  That object didn’t stay in motion!”

So you see, I do not only suffer from laziness, depression, and whatever else is wrong with me (probably a lot; I can just see some of you gearing up to give me a comprehensive list) (you know who you are):  I am a victim of inertia.  Today I fought the inertia enough to make a blog post of — goodness over 550 words!  Will this writer in motion tend to stay in motion?  I hope so.

 

An Apologetic Post

I guess I have some work to do to make it back to being a daily blogger.  Once again, as I have often done with my running, I begin again.  Perhaps that was a bad comparison, because I have not been running in, oh dear, I think it has been months.  Of course I am too lazy to pull up my Running Journal and look.  And by “pull up my Running Journal,” I mean lean off the couch, to the danger of the Chromebook balanced on my legs, and paw through the mess under my coffee table.  It is there somewhere. I need to update it on walks I have taken since (oh dear) June.

Me being lazy.

I threw in a picture to pep things up.  This is my legs’ approximate position, but I am wearing slippers with no socks.  It is early Friday morning, and I last posted Sunday evening.  For that I apologize.  As it happens, perhaps I should have swooned for real and not just metaphorically.  The week has not been terrible, but my state of  mind has been.  I quite frankly do not know what is wrong with me.  I suppose a number of others have wondered that for years (you know who you are).  However, I have made it to work every day and tried to keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart.  Unfortunately, the song was usually The Volga Boatman.

 

Bloom where you are planted!

I add a cheerful picture to counteract the whining.  This is a photo from a previous year, but I believe my Rose of Sharon is currently blooming.  I spared it a glance while doing yard work yesterday (see, I have accomplished a few things), but I was too absorbed in gathering fallen branches and sticks to pay much attention.  We had a storm earlier this week.  Not a tornado, as Rome, NY had.  My parents live in Rome but, thankfully, suffered no damage, by the way.

I see I have babbled on for over 300 words. I hope to get back to posting on a daily basis, and of course I hope you will stay tuned.

 

Lame As I Ever Was

Hello, blogosphere, I am back!  What, blogosphere isn’t a word yet? I hear it all the time.  Perhaps I have it misspelled.  In any case, I am back on the blog after losing a few days to technical difficulties and my usual malaise which makes it a major effort for me to do anything.  I finally got back on my Chromebook. Phew!  I know, I could have posted from my Tablet, as I used to do all the time, but that, too has become problematic.  When I finish the post, I can’t type in a headline at all, and when I try to add categories and tags, the screen jumps every time I hit a key.  For the last post, I got on my phone to add headline and tags.

Now I feel a little ashamed for not going through such a rigamarole again (but I KNOW rigamarole is a word!  It has been a word for years!).

Random picture to denote passage of time.

I found it in my Webster’s dictionary.  “Rigamarole” is another spelling of “rigmarole.”  I think the extra syllable adds to the expressiveness of the term.  I recently read in an English history book about the origin of the word.  Of course I cannot remember it now, but I know which book it was in, and I will look it up for use on a future blog post.

My bestie, Kim, is coming to visit today.  Regular readers know she moved away early this year, to the detriment of my Saturday adventuring.  I’m sure we will have a lot of fun today, although I am a little concerned at the forecast of high 80’s.

This has been me and many of my co-workers all week.

I had actually been looking for a Mohawk Valley adventure picture to share, but I found this one and couldn’t resist.

 

In the Mood for Monsters?

In the Mood for Monsters?

Hello and welcome to another Monstrous Monday post.  I can’t say my Monday has been thoroughly monstrous, but I am feeling… well, never mind how I am feeling.  It is tiresome to always listen to someone whine about their feelings.  Anyways, I may very well feel differently after I encounter a few of my favorite monsters.

An evocative shot, yes?

Here is one from my favorite Nosferatu, the 1922 silent film.  They made more use of shadows in the older movies.  I think it is scary.  I like it.

Which is the bad guy?

In the interests of using a picture I haven’t used many times already (yes, I am still going to my Media Library for Monstrous Monday; haven’t learned how to get new pictures on the Chromebook yet), I show this one, which I do not remember using before and have no idea what movie it is from.  It looks like an alien and a fish monster.  Do any of you recognize it? If so, please comment and tell me.

A more homegrown monster.

Tired of looking for more movie monsters, I offer this show of my own Bonita, wearing a doggy devil mask I picked up at a rummage sale.  It is hard to see, but she is holding the bouquet of black tulips my friend Jerry made for a murder mystery.  He presented them to me after the performance, and they have been part of my Halloween decor ever since.

And that brings me over 200 words.  Score!  I thank my monsters, and I thank my readers for tuning in once again.

 

I Can Only Do So Much on Tired Tuesday

Did I mention this would probably be a Tired Tuesday Post? I think I did.

Always a favorite meme.

I drove to work thinking that Tuesdays, like Mondays, must be endured.  I remembered a saying I had back in the ’80’s:  “Today is a bad day.  Yesterday was a bad day.  Tomorrow will be a bad day.”  It was my angst-ridden pose, I suppose.  I told my work friend Zach about my saying, and he said, “Now you sound like Eeyore.”  I replied that I have always identified with Eeyore.  Oh, quit playing those miniature violins.  I’m not in a gloomy, angst-ridden mood now, and I am certainly not feeling sorry for myself.  I am merely tired.  Hence, the Tired Tuesday Post.

Earlier this evening, I finished and emailed my submission to Mohawk Valley Living magazine for May.  I hope they like it.  I always say writing begets more writing, but sometimes I am only good for so much per day.  Perhaps if I began to lead a healthier lifestyle, I would not feel so tired in the evenings and I could write more. I must research healthy lifestyles. I am afraid vegetables will be involved.  Cue jokes about how I am already a vegetable.

There’s something healthy

I thought I would throw in a cheerier picture to end with.  I see I am over 200 words, which regular readers know I consider respectable, especially for these nothing posts.  As usual, I will try for something better tomorrow, and hope you will all stay tuned.

 

In Your Easter Bonnet, With All The Frills Upon It…

I am a well-known slob.  Since Steven’s death (and even before) it has taken on ungodly proportions.  I share this as an explanation or maybe just an introduction to the picture I took this morning to share in a blog post.

This is the sort of thing I often see in my house.

When I try to get one coffee filter out of the package, two or three often stick together.  I just leave them all outside of the package, knowing I will use them and feeling that it is too much trouble to do otherwise (many things in my life these days feel like too much trouble; that is because of my depression, and I generally strive to do them anyways).  Last night I noticed that the extra filters had landed on this goblet  It is a plastic goblet, suitable for use on the porch or deck.  The flute next to it is plastic as well.  We have had one or two porch-sitting days this spring.

I thought it looked cute, like a bride or a lady wearing an Easter bonnet (seasonal!).  I thought the champagne flute gave the tableau a festive air.  The surrounding spices, coffee tin and what-not, I suppose only clutter up the image, but I must be honest in what I depict.  One could argue that I was too lazy to clean things up.  However, I go with my former reasoning.  I figure, I liked the image because the filter accidentally fell as if the goblet was wearing it.  It would add a layer of artificiality if I were to purposely clean up the surrounding area.  It may be a rationalization, but I like it (thus rationalizing my rationalization).

I see I am approaching 300 words.  Score!  When I first noticed the goblet and filter, I did not take a picture but merely enjoyed it.  It was not till I awoke this morning that I realized it would be an excellent illustration for a Non-Sequitur Thursday Post.